Blood Ties
by Paisley Mae
Summary: We don't choose our family, but blood ties us together. Meredith and Derek are already struggling to balance their family and work lives when Derek's youngest sister, Amelia, arrives unannounced with a shocking request. [A McFamily fic]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A couple things about this story. 1) I wasn't going to post it at all until it was completely finished, and it's not finished yet. But I've written over 26,000 words. 2) There will be fluff. There will be drama. But most importantly, it will be very McFamily - centric, although other characters - past and present - will have prominent roles. 3) Lastly, this story contains spoilers from Private Practice.**

** This story is actually based off a dream I had. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy.**

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><p>The Seattle rain pounded hard against the windows of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Meredith Grey knew that she was in for another dark and stormy night at the house in the woods, all alone with her children while her husband was at the White House with Callie Torres attending a brain mapping conference hosted by the President of the United States. Today was day two of five.<p>

Nights like tonight were the nights Meredith dreaded. The house felt so empty without his presence, and she struggled to sleep without his warm body lying next to her. He was her human furnace; without him, she felt like she was sleeping on top of a cushioned iceberg. She hated being so many miles away from Derek. With him on the other side of the country, all she did was worry. She already worried enough when he was in the same city as her. Her worrying was nearly unbearable now.

Meredith didn't want to be "that" wife, though: The wife who depended on her husband for everything and couldn't function without him. After all, Meredith Grey had always considered herself to be an independent woman. She'd spent a vast majority of her life believing love didn't exist and had thus developed a single woman train of thought. She didn't trust easily, and it had taken her a long time to trust Derek. It had taken her a long time to realize that she could rely on him, especially after how their relationship had begun: with a lie. Now, she had finally learned to trust him, to love him, to know that he wasn't going to leave her unintentionally. Being away from Derek for even a little while made her feel so empty inside. It was even more difficult now that they had children.

"Where's Daddy?" her three-year-old daughter asked, as Meredith helped her into her rain coat.

"Da-da!" her ten-month-old son cooed, sitting on the floor next to his sister, already bundled and ready to go.

"Daddy's still out of town. He'll be home Friday," Meredith explained to her kids. She looked into Zola's confused eyes; the kids weren't used to their mother picking them up from daycare. For the last several months, since Bailey's birth and Meredith's return from maternity leave, the kids had become accustomed to their daddy picking them up from daycare. Derek had stepped up so Meredith could focus on work, though Derek's plan was strained when Derek received an opportunity to work for the president.

"I want Daddy," Zola pouted as she stuck her lip out.

Meredith released a sigh, unable to deny how adorable her daughter was when she pouted. As she finished the last button of Zola's jacket, she gave her daughter an enormous hug. "Let's go home, and maybe Daddy will be waiting for us on the iPad."

"It not the same," the little girl whimpered, crossing her arms.

"I know, baby. I know you miss your daddy," Meredith gently rubbed Zola's back. She leaned over and picked up her son, then took Zola's hand and meandered toward the hospital entrance area.

"Meredith!" she heard a high-pitched voice calling her name from behind. She turned around to see Arizona Robbins running toward her with Sofia in her arms.

She set Sofia on the ground, and the little girl ran toward them, wrapping her arms around Zola. She chimed, "Buddy!" Sofia and Zola were close and had grown closer after Callie had temporarily moved in with Meredith and Derek after finding out Arizona had cheated on her. The girls had grown used to spending their days and nights together. Zola loved having someone her own age to play with. It had been really hard on Zola when Callie and Sofia moved out. In fact, she'd asked every day for the next two weeks if Sofia was coming soon.

Arizona and Callie were now back together and trying to make their relationship work again. Meredith didn't know Arizona as well as she'd grown to know Callie. It was funny, when she looked back. She would never forget the time that Callie had marched around her house naked, and the time Callie had peed in her bathroom right in front of her and Izzie. There had been a time she'd thought Callie was a freak. Times really had changed, and Callie was now one of her closest friends. She and Cristina weren't as close as they'd once been, and now it seemed like she had more in common with Callie than her best friend - even though they'd drifted apart, Meredith would always consider Cristina her _best friend__,_ even if Callie was her closest female friend now. The tables had turned.

Tonight, Arizona and Meredith had something in common. Their spouses were in Washington D.C. together, and they were home alone with the children.

"Hey, so I was thinking, since Callie and Derek are away, and I'm sure you don't want to be alone in the woods by yourself - well, at least I wouldn't - I was wondering, if you would want to - uh, you know - spend the night at my place?" Arizona smiled hopefully.

"Sleepover!" Sofia exclaimed and turned to Zola, whose eyes were widening.

"Mommy, pwease!" Zola tugged at Meredith's shirt. Meredith looked into her daughter's glistening dark brown eyes. Callie and Arizona's apartment was so small, and she didn't like the idea of putting the baby to sleep somewhere other than his bedroom. He wasn't used to it. Plus, she really just wasn't in the mood for sleepovers with Arizona Robbins. She liked Arizona, but she wasn't the type of person that Meredith would typically choose to spend time with on her own free will. Of course, she once that that about Callie, and now they were pretty close friends. Arizona was different, though. Arizona was - perky, and quite frankly, though Meredith had never told anyone, she found it annoying at times. Hence why she didn't want to spend the night with her.

Meredith hesitated as she said, "I'm exhausted, and I really just want to hit the sack." She saw Zola's smile bend into a frown. "However, if Miss Zola would like to have a sleepover with Sofia, I don't see why not." She patted her three-year-old's head and gave her a warm smile as the child's face lit up.

"Yay!" Zola and Sofia both cheered.

"Sofi can talk to Daddy too," Zola said with an excited smile on her face, and Meredith's lips drooped.

"Baby girl, Daddy is going to be talking to Mommy, and he can only talk to one person at a time," Meredith told her daughter and watched as her daughter's smile faded.

"Oh, not if you use Skype!" Arizona's face lit up. "Callie and I use Skype, and you can have group chats on Skype."

Meredith laughed. "I had a Hell of a time teaching Derek how to use FaceTime. There's no way he's going to be able to figure out how to use Skype as well. My husband is technologically challenged," she told Arizona.

"Well, Callie's there, she can help him figure it out. Or, better yet, what if Callie is on her iPad Skyping Sofia, Zola, and I, and you're on FaceTime with Derek? That way we can all talk to them at the same time, and Derek won't have to strain his brain with new technology," Arizona grinned widely.

"Pwease, Mommy!" Zola tugged at her mom's hand.

Meredith released a sigh and nodded. "I guess I can't say no, can I?" She handed Arizona the diaper bag in her hand. "There's a spare outfit in there, and Zola's extra toothbrush is in there as well. Make sure she brushes her teeth before bed and in the morning. Oh, there are some things of Bailey's in there as well, but he won't need them tonight." She patted rubbed her son's back.

"Relax, Meredith. Zola is in good hands," Arizona said, patting Zola's head. "Of course, you're more than welcome to come over."

Meredith looked at her son. "I trust you," she said. Arizona shrugged and took both girls' hands.

"Bye-bye, Mommy," Zola waved. Meredith watched as her daughter left with Arizona and Sofia. Her throat ached as she fought back a tear. Her little girl had been so willing to say goodbye to her, and she hadn't even given her a kiss. She was only three years old. She was supposed to not want to leave her mama's side, but Zola had not even hesitated. Meredith swallowed. She wasn't supposed to be experiencing this feeling of separation from her three-year-old daughter. This wasn't the first night she'd spent apart from her daughter. She'd been away from Zola when she'd taken her oral boards. Both had been sick with the flu, then. She'd been away from Zola after the plane crash, and then after she had Bailey. There'd been numerous occasions she'd been away from Zola when she had stayed at the hospital with her patients.

Maybe Zola thought she didn't care about her. After all, she had been so willing to leave her. Meredith fought the tears as she looked into her little boy's bright blue eyes. "Come on, baby. Let's get you home." She gave her son a kiss on the forehead and headed to the car.

She placed Bailey in his car seat and then glanced at the empty booster seat next to his. The car felt so empty with just one kid in the backseat. She handed him his teething ring before she started driving. He'd started teething about two months ago and had been extremely fussy, especially in the car.

Zola always fell asleep in the car, but Bailey was a completely different child. She imagined it was because he was so used to being held. He'd been spoiled during the first seven months of his life, because his daddy had been home with him all the time and Derek never put him down. She'd read in childcare books that tummy time was good for kids, and she'd tried to explain that to Derek; but he was still insistent on holding his son.

Bailey sucked on his teething ring as she drove and babbled on and off. She'd noticed he'd started babbling more in the last few weeks. He said "Ma - ma", "Da - da", "Ba - ba", and "Zo - Zo." He was a smart little guy, and Meredith was proud of him. He'd also started walking while holding onto the furniture the day before Derek had left for Washington D.C. Derek tried to make her promise that she wouldn't let him take his first steps on his own without him, but she didn't know how she was supposed to keep that kind of promise.

"Don't let him out of your arms!" Derek had insisted, and the two had shared a laugh. Meredith told him that she couldn't make any promises.

She pulled up to the dark house in the woods. Meredith hated the dark. It reminded her of after the plane crash. Fortunately, Derek had been kind enough to install motion lights around the property.

Chills swept down her spine as she opened the door. There was an eerie feeling that bothered her as she opened the back seat and unbuckled her son from his car seat. She noticed the motion light by the front door was on. She swallowed and set her son back into his seat. She made sure she had her car keys in her hands, and she closed and locked the door. There was no way she had triggered the front door's light yet. She knew she was out of motion. Someone - or something - was out there.

Maybe it's just the wind, she thought, knowing sometimes the wind picked up strong enough to set off the motion lights. However, tonight wasn't a windy night. It was a calm, dry evening in Seattle. A night all-too rare in Seattle.

"Hello?" she called out, waiting for a response. Then, she remembered that Alex had said that he'd seen a bear when he was living in Derek's trailer. In the near - two years she'd lived out here, she had yet to see one. She'd always suspected Alex had made it up.

She heard movement in the distance. There was a dark shadow coming toward her. "Who's there?" she said loudly, and she heard the bellows coming from her son in the car. Her heart pounded recklessly in her chest. The shadow was coming toward her. It wasn't long before she realized it was a human - shaped shadow.

"Meredith?" a familiar voice spoke.

The slender, dark-haired woman appeared under the light.

"Amelia?"

She immediately recognized her husband's youngest sister, whom she had met only twice. The first time was about four years ago, after hospital shooting that had nearly killed her husband. Derek and Amelia were estranged at the time, for reasons Meredith hadn't known about until Amelia had surprisingly arrived at the hospital with a man she'd met on the plane who happened to have an inoperable tumor. Meredith remembered how upset Derek had been, and how Meredith had insisted he buy her a cup of coffee because she was his sister. Derek's response? "I have a lot of sisters and if I bought them all coffee, we wouldn't have anything."

Later, Meredith learned the real reason behind Derek's reaction to his sister's presence. Amelia had crashed his car while being high on painkillers. She had also stolen his prescription pads to write himself prescriptions and had overdosed. He'd gone home to find her dead. She'd been dead for three minutes for three minutes before Derek saved her.

Meredith had met Amelia a second time when she'd brought a friend to Seattle to ask for Derek's help. This had been shortly after she and Derek had adopted Zola. Derek had confided to Meredith that Amelia had just gotten out of rehab again, and he was hesitant about allowing her to meet Zola. She had spent a couple nights on Meredith's couch at her old house, where April, Jackson, and Lexie had also lived at the time.

Meredith took in a deep breath while observing the Shepherd sister in front of her, while wondering what warranted this visit.

"What are you doing here, Amelia? Derek is in D.C.," Meredith informed her, unlocking her car door now that she knew there wasn't a bear that was about to attack her, or a mass murderer.

"Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here now. I saw he posted a picture on Instagram of the White House. There he is again, being the golden child again. No surprise there," Amelia said as Meredith reached into the car and unstrapped her son. Bailey cooed as she took him out of his car seat. "Is that my baby nephew? His name's Derek, Jr., right?"

"Derek Bailey Shepherd," Meredith said. "We call him Bailey, though. Really, Amelia, what are you doing here, then? I barely know you, so I don't know why you would come to Seattle just to see me. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me."

"Hey, little guy," Amelia waved at the baby, who watched her closely as Meredith walked toward the house. Amelia followed closely after her. "I'm your Auntie Amelia, your daddy's sister."

"Dada," the baby cooed as Meredith unlocked the door and walked inside, Amelia followed.

"You're right. I don't know you well," Amelia said. "And that's partly why I'm here. I want to get to know you better. I mean, Addison and I have always been close, and I'll admit I was a little devastated with how she and Derek ended. Addie was my best friend, and still to this day I'm closer to her than I am my own three sisters."

Meredith took off her shoes and Bailey's and set them by the front door. The lights on the inside of the house were also motioned censored, so they turned on when you walked into a room. Though, she could turn them off by clapping twice. It was another perk Derek had added to the house which she really appreciated.

"So, you want to get to know me better?" Meredith asked slowly as she walked over to the couch and sat down with Bailey still in her arms. Amelia was following her as she walked. She stood next to the couch. "Well, take a seat." She motioned for Amelia to sit down.

Amelia sat down in a chair and nodded. "Well, yeah. You know, I really know nothing about you, and for the longest time I just knew you as the "slutty intern" who messed up my brother's and best friend's relationship, but obviously you're not the slutty intern anymore, and you're the mother of my niece and nephew and…" Amelia looked around curiously. "Where is my beautiful niece?"

"Oh, Zola is spending the night with a friend," Meredith explained. "And that's all very interesting, but why now? Why now of all times do you want to get to know me better? Derek and I have been together for a while now."

Amelia looked away, and she could see the paleness in the young woman's face.

"Look, I know Derek really loves you, from what Addison has told me about you, and my mom adores you. She never liked Addie; thought she was all wrong for Derek, and maybe she was right. I don't know all what Derek has told you about me, because I know I've made my share of mistakes…"

"He hasn't told me much," Meredith confessed, still holding onto a squirming baby, whose eyes were fixated on his aunt.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you know about my drug problem; Derek never lets me forget it. Well, I'm clean now. I've been clean for nearly two years now, and I'm in a healthy relationship. I really have my life on track."

"That's great, Amelia," Meredith said, noting the sudden heavy warmness coming from Bailey's bottom. "Somebody needs a diaper change," she cooed at her little boy and stood up and walked toward Bailey's nursery. She passed Zola's empty room and sighed, realizing how empty the house felt without her daughter. Amelia had followed after her.

"And you know I'm a neurosurgeon like Derek, and I really love my job," she said. "And I think I'm damn good at it, of course I'm nowhere near as good as Derek. I never will be, because he'll always be the golden child."

"Sounds like you're a little jealous of him," Meredith noted as she laid her son on the diaper changing station. She unzipped his pants and the fumes of poo lingered through her nose. "Somebody's stinky," she said in a baby voice to her son as she wiped him down. He giggled as she changed his diaper. She saw Amelia watching her in the corner of her eye and was still overly confused as to why Amelia was even there, telling her all this. It's not that Meredith wasn't interested in getting to know Amelia better.

In fact, Meredith often wondered about Derek's sisters, though she'd never made an effort to get to know them. About three months ago, she and Derek had taken Zola and baby Bailey to the east coast for Christmas. It was Bailey's first plane ride and the first time she had attended a Shepherd family Christmas. Amelia was the only one of Derek's sisters who wasn't there. She'd supposedly spent the holidays with her boyfriend's family. Meredith had spent some time getting to know Kathleen, Elizabeth, and Nancy. Nancy still to this day made Meredith feel uncomfortable, considering she'd never forget her first encounter with Nancy in Derek's trailer. Derek had been naked, and there Nancy had been. She hadn't known at the time Nancy was his sister.

Kate had quickly become Meredith's favorite Shepherd sister. She was the shrink in the family, and out of everyone, her kids seemed the sanest. They were polite and had good manners. All five of Liz's kids were insanely wound up on sugar during the whole visit. Liz's youngest, eight-year-old Lily, had asked Zola if it felt weird to be black in a white family. Who in their right mind asks a three-year-old such a question? Lily and her siblings had treated Zola like some sort of shrine because of her dark skin. Meredith had been royally pissed, and the last thing she wanted was for her daughter to be treated differently by her own relatives because of her skin color. Meredith was adamant about having her daughter fit in and treated just like everyone else.

That was one thing Meredith loved about working at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle. Diversity was everywhere, and everyone was treated equally. Unfortunately, that mindset wasn't everywhere.

"You're right," Amelia sighed. "I am jealous of him. Bailey has Derek's eyes, though the rest of him is definitely you."

"I hear that a lot," Meredith said, deciding since it was so late she might as well change Bailey into his pajamas. She pulled out a pair of green Ninja Turtle pajamas and dressed her son. "I just hope he gets his Daddy's hair." She patted her son's head, noting the thin dark blond strands of hair on her son's head. His hair was very close to her color, but she knew his hair color could change as he grew older.

"Derek had blond hair when he was a baby," Amelia said with a smile on her face. "Ma has a ton of baby pictures of him with Nancy, Kate, and Liz."

"Really? I've never seen them," Meredith said, wishing she'd asked Mama Shepherd about Derek's baby pictures over the holidays. "I guess the next time I talk to her, I'm going to have to ask her about those."

Amelia laughed. "Then Derek will get all embarrassed and his cheeks will flush red. I don't know why he's so embarrassed by his baby pictures. He really is cute. All babies are cute, though, I guess," Amelia said with a smile on her face, then looked at her nephew. "But they're not all as cute as you." She grinned and gently touched Bailey's cheek. Bailey cooed. Amelia looked at Meredith and said, "You know, you're really good with him. Bailey's lucky to have such a great mom."

"Um, thanks?" Meredith responded hesitantly. She scooped Bailey into her arms and went back into the living room, again followed by Amelia. "Amelia, I really wish you'd tell me the real reason you're here. I know you don't know me well, but I'm a lot of things, and gullible isn't one of them." She sat back on the couch.

"You know, I love kids," Amelia said.

"There you go, changing the subject again," Meredith observed. She cuddled Bailey in her arms. "Come on, Amelia, tell me the truth now."

"I'm great with kids," Amelia said, and Meredith noticed the tears forming in the young woman's face. "I have a great boyfriend who wants kids, and sometimes I think I want kids too, but I can't forget him."

"You can't forget who?" Meredith asked, now entirely confused.

"My son," Amelia whispered.

"Wait, what?"

"Derek never knew. I never told any of my siblings, but the last time I was here, I was pregnant. I didn't know it then. By the time I found out, I was already twenty weeks. I'd gotten pregnant while I was high by my…" tears were now streaming down Amelia's throat as she choked out, "my late boyfriend. He died while he was high…" Amelia swallowed, tears streamed from her face. Meredith shifted Bailey to one arm and motioned for Amelia to sit next to her. Amelia sat next to Meredith, who wrapped her free arm around Amelia. Amelia continued, "It was gonna be the last time, I swear. We were just gonna finish the drugs so they didn't go to use, but I woke up...and he was dead. And later I found I was pregnant...with a baby with Anencephaly."

Meredith frowned. She knew the term, though she had never seen it in person, despite all the time during her residency that she had spent with Derek in neuro. She knew that Amelia meant that her baby was born without a brain.

"Oh, my God, Amelia. I had no idea," Meredith whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Nobody knew. I made Addie promise not to tell my family. Then, Meredith, after the baby was born, I - I held him for a few minutes, until they took him away, s - so I could donate his organs to babies who had a chance to live," Amelia said, and tears welled from her eyes.

"I can't imagine how difficult that was for you, Amelia," Meredith whispered, rubbing Amelia's back as she poured tears into Meredith's shoulder. "But why are you telling me this? I barely know you, and I mean, I'm flattered that you're trusting me with these intimate details of your life, but I have to ask...why me?"

"Because I'm pregnant again," Amelia gasped.

"That's great, Amelia, but Addison is the baby doctor, not me. Apparently Derek didn't tell you; I'm a general surgeon."

"I know, Meredith. I - I want you and Derek to adopt my baby."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows! I'm really excited about this story, which is why I couldn't hold it in much longer. This chapter contains my all-time favorite McFamily scene that I've written so far, so I really hope you all like it. There's also some Calzona fluff. :)**

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><p>The bombshell that Amelia had just dropped caused Meredith's head to spin to the point Bailey almost slipped out of her arms. Luckily, she'd been able to catch him before he fell. Her eyes widened and she released a loud gasp.<p>

"W-What?" Meredith stuttered, trying to make sense of what Amelia had just said.

Amelia stood up and took off her jacket. She lifted her baggy shirt, and her belly bump was clear as day. "I knew Derek would push me away, so I thought that if I could convince you, then you could convince Derek. I haven't forgotten about how you tried to talk Derek into talking to me the first time I came to Seattle. Derek loves and respects you. He might love me, but she sure as hell doesn't respect me. Though, I don't blame him."

"I'm sorry, I'm not following," Meredith said, holding her own baby close to her body. "You said you're in a happy relationship, so what's the problem? And like you've already said, you barely know me, so why would you want _me _to mother your child? Amelia, how old are you? Thirty-four? Thirty-five? You only have about _maybe_, if you're lucky, ten good years left to have kids, Amelia."

"I can't raise this baby," Amelia whispered. "When I found out, I freaked. I mean, James is great, which is why he can't ever know I was pregnant. And I'm amazing with kids. I babysit Addison's son, Henry, and my friend Charlotte's triplets all the time. But that's just it. I'm a great aunt. A great babysitter. I would not be a good mother, and I keep wondering...what if something is wrong with this baby too? What if he or she doesn't have a brain?"

"Amelia, slow down. Have you had an ultrasound?" Meredith asked.

"I just found out about a week ago. I'd gained some weight, but I thought I'd just been eating too much, and my periods have always been irregular so I didn't think anything of it. Addison doesn't know, and she can't know. She'll tell James and then he won't understand. I told him I wanted kids, but now I've changed my mind."

"Why Derek and me?" Meredith had to ask, stroking her baby's back. "You have three sisters. Why Derek and me?"

"Oh, come on, Nancy's youngest kid is in high school, plus she has three in college, one in residency, and plus a grandbaby on the way. I really doubt she wants to take on a baby now, especially now that she's about to be a grandmother. Liz has five kids of her own ranging from eight to fourteen. I don't know if you've met them, but they're a handful. And Kate's a great mother, but she has four kids of her own and her husband is the Police Commissioner. She's basically raised those kids on her own, which in reality is beneficial for the kids because her husband is a total douche."

"And Derek and I don't have our hands full?" Meredith said, looking down at her baby. "We're both surgeons, and we have a baby and a preschooler, and now Derek's consulting long-distance for the president and has to make occasional visits to D.C. We're losing our minds as it is. We can't take on another kid, Amelia."

Meredith saw the disappointment override Amelia's face, and before she could respond, Meredith's phone started to ring. She looked at the caller identification. "It's Derek," she told Amelia.

Amelia's eyes widened. "Please, don't tell him I'm here," she whispered.

Meredith sighed and answered the phone. "Hi, Derek."

"How's my beautiful wife today?" Derek's loving voice entered her ear.

"Well, she's missing her handsome husband," Meredith sighed, noticing as Amelia rolled her eyes. "How was your day?"

"My day was amazing, but it would have been better if you were here. Guess what? The president himself invited me to meet with him in the Oval Office. It was an extraordinary experience," Derek told her.

"I bet it was. You have no idea how jealous I am of you," she said.

"Daddy!" she heard a voice that sounded like her daughter's in the background.

"Is that ZoZo?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, Callie is here and has her video thing going on her iPad. You didn't tell me that Zo was spending the night with Sofia and Arizona," Derek said, and the pitch in his voice changed as he said, "Hi, ZoZo! I'm on the phone with your mommy."

"Hey, let me go grab my iPad and you can FaceTime with Bailey and me too," Meredith said, standing up. She looked down at her baby boy and cooed, "Are you ready to see Da-Da?" The little boy's face lit up.

"Da-Da!" the little boy grinned.

"Is that Bailey's voice I hear?" Derek asked.

"Uh-huh," she nodded as she booted up her iPad. She looked over at Amelia, who suddenly disappeared into Bailey's nursery. She launched the FaceTime app and called Derek. "I'm calling you," she told Derek.

"Okay, let me see if I can answer…" A moment later, Derek's face appeared on her screen.

"Hi!" he waved at them, and Meredith ended the call on her phone and set it down. She took a seat on the floor and set Bailey between her legs so he could see his daddy.

"Da-Da!" Bailey giggled.

"Hi, Bailey," Derek cooed at his son. "Have you grown?" The pitch in his voice changed as he spoke to his wife, "Has he grown, Meredith? It's only been two days, but he looks bigger."

She looked down at her son, who seemed the same size to her as he had two days ago, but she shrugged. "Maybe he has."

Derek sighed. "I'm missing everything. I can't wait to get home already."

"Daddy, have I gwown?" she heard Zola's sweet voice. She still struggled to pronounce her R's. Zola seemed so close, yet she was across town, and her voice was being transferred through all the way to Washington D.C. and back to her iPad in Seattle. The wonders of technically were truly magical.

"I think so!" Derek gasped. "In fact, I think you're bigger now than you were when you first came on the screen!"

"I want to see ZoZo," Meredith declared. "Show me ZoZo."

"She's right here," Meredith heard Callie's voice off camera, though she soon saw a hand-presumably Callie's-holding an iPad. She saw Arizona, Zola, and Sofia.

"Oh, look, Zo, there's your mommy and your brother," Arizona said.

"Hi, Mama!" Zola giggled. "Hi, Bailey! This is fun!"

"ZoZo!" Bailey cooed and put his hand on the screen. "ZoZo DaDa!"

"That's right, Bailey, we're talking to Zola and Daddy on the iPad," Meredith said softly to her son. He giggled and babbled some words in his own baby language. "Auntie Callie is there, too," Meredith told Bailey, then she changed her tone as she spoke directly to Callie, "Callie, show Bailey you're here."

Callie's iPad was now pulled out of Meredith's line of sight, so she couldn't see Zola, Arizona, and Sofia anymore. Callie appeared right next to Derek. "Hi, Bailey!" Callie's vibrant face appeared on the screen, and she waved at Meredith and Bailey. "I think your daddy's right. You are getting BIG!" Callie turned to Derek and said, "He is growing!"

"Let me see him again!" Meredith heard Arizona's voice, and Zola, Sofia, and Arizona were again in view of the camera. "I think you're right! He is growing!" Arizona smiled. The screen moved again, and Callie reappeared on the screen.

"Coo-Coo," Bailey cooed.

"Did he just say we're cuckoo?" Callie laughed.

"Actually, I think he was trying to say _Callie_," Derek pitched in.

"Oh, so in other words, I'm cuckoo," Callie said, and Derek and Meredith both busted into laughter.

"Cuckoo Callie, suits you well, sweetheart," Arizona laughed.

"Hey, now!" Callie blushed.

"I wouldn't take it too personal, Callie. He's ten months old," Meredith reminded her, and they all laughed.

"What does _coo-coo_ mean, 'Zona?" Meredith heard Zola's voice off camera.

"It means crazy," Arizona explained to the preschooler.

"Mommy is coo-coo," Meredith heard Sofia's voice for the first time since the video call had begun. Sofia was generally quieter than Zola. She was very shy around strangers as well. Even when Meredith baby-sat her, it usually took her a couple hours for Sofia to warm up to her. Though, when she left the girls to play, she always heard Sofia chattering with Zola.

"I think _Bailey _has taught our daughters a new vocabulary word," Derek laughed. "We've got a smart little guy on our hands, Mer." He was gazing into her eyes, and she gazed back. There was something about the way that he looked at her that still gave her butterflies even now after being married for almost-technically, counting the post-it-five years. It was the _sparkly eye _thing that he did. She couldn't help but desire him.

"We do," she whispered and looked down at her son, whose eyes twinkled, "and he's got his father's sparkly eyes."

"Do I need to leave you two alone?" Callie teased. "I mean, I'd tell you to get a room, but considering we're on the other side of the country right now."

Meredith laughed, rolling her eyes. "I have a baby in my arms, Callie," she said teasingly.

"Oh, Callie has no room to talk. I'll never forget the time she called me when I was in the hospital and told me…"

"Hey! Hey! Stop right there, Mr. Neuro God. There are little ears in the room," Callie broke in before Derek could finish.

Meredith knew exactly where Derek was going. He'd told her about the time Callie had called him after his hand surgery to tell him she was in a hotel room with Arizona at Miranda Bailey's wedding, and was about to have sex for the first time in a long time.

"Wait, you and Callie aren't sharing a hotel room, are you, Derek?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Why?" Callie asked. "Are you worried that I'm going to do naughty things to your husband." She put her hands on Derek's chest and laughed. "Ooooh, Derek," she moaned. Meredith noticed the surprised look on Derek's face.

"Hey! Stop! Little ears and eyes in the room!" she heard Arizona call, and Callie's iPad became visible again as Meredith saw Arizona trying to cover Sofia's and Zola's eyes and ears.

"And get your paws off my man!" Meredith snapped jokingly - for the most part. She couldn't help but be a little jealous that Callie was touching Derek and she wasn't. Callie took her hands off Derek.

"Oh, right. Sorry," Callie laughed. "Anyway, I'm kidding. Derek and I have our own rooms, besides I would never disrespect Mark's honor like that."

"Uh-hem," Meredith heard Arizona cough.

"And I'm married," Callie proudly showed her wedding ring, and added, "to the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Awww," Arizona cooed. "I love you, Calliope."

"I love you, too, Arizona," Callie said as she went out of Meredith's view and took her iPad with her, so Meredith couldn't see Zola, Sofia, and Arizona.

"Who needs the room now?" Meredith snickered looking at her husband, who chuckled. At the same time, Bailey started to fuss. "Are you sleepy, baby?" She looked at the time on the top of her iPad. It was approaching ten-thirty. It was definitely Bailey's bed time. "I think someone's a sleepy boy," she cooed, and looked at Derek. "I think we're going to have to say goodnight."

"Aw, it was nice to see you. I'm glad you taught me how to use this FaceTime thing. Zola is right, it's fun. I hope we get to talk again before I come home. I love you, Mer, and I love you, too, Bailey."

Bailey stopped crying when his father talked to him.

"Maybe you could sing him to sleep," Meredith suggested. "I had a hell of a time putting him down last night. He's so used to you putting him to sleep."

"I never have a hard time getting him to sleep," Derek laughed.

"Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in my face," sighed Meredith.

"Hey, I'm going to get the girls to sleep," Meredith heard Arizona's voice. "Show me Meredith, Callie, so Zola can say goodnight to her mom."

Callie's iPad appeared on the screen one last night. "Night night, Mama," Zola was waving. "Night night, Daddy. Night night, Bailey."

"Goodnight, my sweet ZoZo," Meredith blew Zola a kiss, who blew a kiss back.

"I wove you," Zola said.

"I love you, too, honey," Meredith smiled warmly at the little girl, and those words made Meredith feel a little better about her baby girl spending the night at a friend's house. _She still loves her mother, _Meredith thought, and her heart felt warm. Callie pulled the iPad away, and Zola was out of sight. Bailey started to cry again.

"It's okay, Bails, Daddy's going to sing you to sleep," Derek said, and their son stopped crying the moment his father spoke. Derek continued to talk to Bailey, which seemed to calm him. Meredith stood up and carried Bailey to his room, with Derek still on the call. In the nursery, Meredith found Amelia holding one of Bailey's stuffed bears. It was the one Derek's mom had given to him for Christmas. She'd said it was Derek's when he was a baby. Meredith suspected that Amelia recognized it.

Amelia's eyes widened when she saw the iPad and heard her brother's voice talking to his son. Meredith turned the iPad away from Amelia and gave her a clean get-a-way from the room, so Derek wouldn't see her.

"Mer?" Derek began just as Amelia was leaving the room. "What are you looking at? Point me."

"It's nothing, Derek," she lied. "I'm just going to put Bailey in his crib, and you can sing to him goodnight." She set the iPad on the nightstand for a second as she lay her son in his bed. He started to bawl. She put the crib bar up and quickly grabbed the iPad. "Daddy's here, sweetie."

"I'm right here, Bailey," Derek said soothingly, and Bailey stopped fussing. "The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out." As Derek sang, Bailey's eyes drooped shut. Derek continued, "Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. And the itsy bitsy spider went out the spout again. I love you, Bailey." Bailey's eyes were closed, and when Derek stopped singing, he didn't cry.

"Shhh," Meredith whispered. "I think he's asleep."

She turned the light off and tiptoed out of the room. Her son didn't cry when she left, so she assumed he was asleep.

"See, that was fast," Derek laughed.

"You always have calmed him," Meredith noted. "Even when he was in my belly. When you talked to him, he stopped kicking. He hates my voice."

"He doesn't hate your voice. He's just a Daddy's boy," Derek insisted. "Zola is such a Mommy's girl. By the way, Callie left. I think she and Arizona are having a video sex date after the kids are asleep."

"Derek!" Meredith scolded, and she saw Amelia lying on the couch when she entered the living room. "My daughter is at Arizona's. I don't want to think about that…" She saw Amelia's eyes widened; she was obviously listening to the conversation.

"Well, I was just telling you that Callie was gone in case you wanted to, you know, talk dirty," Derek teased, and he took off his shirt. Her eyes fixated on his abs. She knew Derek wouldn't be talking like this if he knew his baby sister was in the room with her. He would also be humiliated if he knew that she'd heard everything she'd just said. "We could have our own video sex date," he said seductively. "You could take off your clothes, and I could take off mine, and we could…"

Amelia's mouth dropped, and she mouthed a word that looked like "Seriously?"

He took off his pants and her eyes focused on his bulge. Her heart was racing, and she was really wishing Amelia wasn't here right now.

"Derek, stop!" Meredith shrieked.

"What, you're not turned on by me anymore?" Derek asked, frowning.

"Trust me, Derek, that's not it. It's just...this feels weird. It's just not my thing. I love you, this...uh...isn't going to happen. And I'm tired, I think I'm just going to hit the sack, you know? You should too. You have a big day tomorrow as well, Mr. Neuro God who had a personal meeting with the President of the United States in the Oval Office." Meredith caught herself glancing at Amelia.

Derek stuck his lip out. "If you say so," he pouted.

"Oh, poor baby," Meredith laughed.

"You better be ready to have lots of sex when I get back," Derek teased. "I don't know how people do long-distance relationships. I'm going crazy."

Meredith blushed. This wasn't the kind of conversation she wanted Derek's youngest sister to overhear.

"Why are you blushing, Mer? Usually you're the one who's talking dirty, so why so bashful? Wait, is someone there? You're not alone, are you?" Derek's eyes widened. "Who's there?"

Meredith swallowed, catching a glimpse of Amelia, who shook her head quickly and mouthed the word, "Please."

"Nobody is here," Meredith smiled softly. "I'm just really tired, so I'm going to go to bed. I love you, Derek."

"Okay… I love you, too, Meredith," Derek said. "I'll call you in the morning, okay? Goodnight." He was waving when she ended the call.

Meredith looked at Amelia, who was breathing in deeply. "Sorry about that," Meredith apologized sincerely. "I'm sure that was awkward for you, but in his defense, he didn't know you were here."

"I know," Amelia said. "But, yeah, definitely a little awkward. I mean...not surprising, considering how much I love to talk dirty myself, but he's my big brother. I never thought he was...so forward. Definitely gives me a different image in my head of my big brother."

Meredith laughed. "You're just lucky I cut him off when I did."

"Thanks for that," Amelia said. "So, uh, you're not going to make me get a hotel room or something, are you? Because I'm not going anywhere. I told Addie that Derek needed my help with his presidential project for the next few months."

"You're planning on staying here until the baby is born, aren't you?" Meredith asked. Amelia nodded. "Well, then you're going to need to get an ultrasound first thing in the morning, and I'm assuming you're not taking prenatal vitamins." Amelia shook her head. Meredith went into the bathroom, because she believed she still had some left over from when she was pregnant with Bailey. She opened the cabinet and saw the bottle. She grabbed it and brought it out to Amelia. "You can start here."

"Thanks," Amelia said with a weak smile. "But what if there's already something critical wrong with the baby, and it's too late?"

"Look, I'm no gynecologist, but I know that the sooner you start taking prenatal vitamins, the better your chances are of having a healthy baby," offered Meredith, giving Amelia the vitamins. Amelia let out a sigh and took a vitamin. So, do you want to tell me why you were cuddling with that bear in there?"

Amelia froze and swallowed. "It used to be Derek's," she said.

"I know," Meredith said.

"I'm guessing my mom gave it to you."

"You would be guessing correct. She gave it to Bailey when we were at her place for Christmas."

"I'm really surprised she gave it to you," Amelia said. "I guess Mom must really like you, because Liz wanted it when her oldest son was born, but Mom wouldn't let her have it. I take it she didn't tell you the story behind it?" Amelia noticed the confused look on her face. Amelia sighed, "I'm surprised. Well, Derek was born in the middle of January...of course, I wasn't born yet, so I only know this story because Nancy told it to me. But it was freezing out, and Mom was home alone while Dad was at the shop when she went into labor. The snow was so bad that school had been cancelled, so my sisters were home with her. Nancy's the oldest; she's six years older than Derek, Kate was three, and Liz had just turned two.

The power had gone out, so the phones weren't working when Mom went into labor. Nancy, being only six years old, - I know it's insane - managed to drive Mom to the hospital, despite the heavy winds and large snow drifts, and she made it there safely. Nancy stayed with Mom the whole time during the delivery; that's when she decided she wanted to be an O.B.

Dad didn't find out until after Derek was born that he had a son, so he rushed to the hospital. He felt really bad for missing his son's birth and wanted to make up for it, but he didn't have time to stop anywhere, so he took that bear from his store. Derek slept with it every night until he went to high school." Amelia sniffled as she finished the story. Her eyes were red, and Meredith could tell she was holding back tears.

"Wow," Meredith stared wide-eyed at Amelia. "Why didn't Derek tell me this story?"

"Derek doesn't like to talk about our dad," Amelia said. "It brings back too many painful memories for him." In all the years Meredith had known Derek, he'd only mentioned his father a handful of times. She imagined it had to be hard for him to talk about. He'd watched his father die right in front of his eyes. So, of course it was difficult to talk about. Meredith could relate, because it was hard for her to talk about her mother. And it was even more difficult to talk about what happened to Lexie.

Meredith remembered the surprised look on Derek's face when they'd opened the neatly wrapped gift. She remembered Derek whispering something to his mother, but she hadn't heard what he'd said. Now, everything made sense.

"So, anyway, you're not kicking me out, right?" Amelia asked.

"The couch is yours," Meredith assured Amelia. At least she wasn't going to be in the house all alone with her baby.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith had lain awake in her cold, empty bed for most of the night. She remembered watching the clock turn to twelve then one and then two. She found herself thinking about what Amelia had said. Amelia couldn't really be serious, could she? She really wanted Derek and her to adopt her unborn child? Amelia had seemed pretty serious, but none of it really made logical sense to Meredith.

She remembered when Addison called Derek to tell him that Amelia was using again. Derek was infuriated and threatened to come down to L.A. to knock some sense to his little sister, but Addie told him not to do that, because it would make the situation worse. Derek told Meredith that Amelia was prone to eccentric behavior. He said that he'd suspected she was bipolar, though she had never been formally diagnosed.

That was about all Meredith knew about Amelia before she'd shown up at her house unexpectedly. Meredith wondered how Amelia even found the house. Meredith added that to the list of questions she had for Amelia. Liz was the only Shepherd sister who had been to their dream house.. Derek's mother had been to their old house, the one Alex now owned.

At some point Meredith must have fallen asleep, because she woke to her six-thirty alarm going off. Her body jolted awake and her heart raced as she grabbed the baby monitor. She listened for Bailey's cooing, but she didn't hear a sound. Her heart began to speed faster as she stumbled out of bed, which was when she noticed a strange aroma linger through her nose. She sniffed. It reminded her of when Izzie lived with her and would make breakfast in the morning.

She ran into the kitchen, where she found Amelia holding her son and standing over the stove.

"What are you cooking?" Meredith asked curiously, taking her son out of his aunt's arms.

"Homemade French Toast. I noticed you had a lot of frozen foods, so I wanted to make something fresh, and you didn't give me a lot of ingredients to choose from, so French toast it is," Amelia said with a gleaming smile.

"Yeah, I couldn't cook to save someone's life," Meredith said.

"Hey, it's all good. We all save lives in different ways. Breakfast is one of the only meals I'm actually good at cooking, to be honest. I couldn't cook a hamburger to save a life," Amelia laughed. "I hope you don't mind that I took Bailey from his crib. He was awake when I checked on him, and I wanted to allow you to get some sleep before he started crying. I gave him a bath and dressed him too."

Meredith noticed she'd dressed him in his blue overalls and a red shirt. He looked adorable.

"It's all good," Meredith smiled. "Thank you." She watched as Amelia flipped the French toast. "Forgive me for asking, but you seem really good with kids. Are you sure you don't want to be a mother?"

Amelia didn't say anything. When the French toast was finished browning, she asked, "Can you grab me a plate?"

"Of course," Meredith said, reaching for a plate and set it on the counter next to the stove.

"I know I'm good with kids," she said. "Nancy had her first born, Christopher, when I was five years old—she named him after Dad." Amelia paused and swallowed. "Dad was murdered three months before Chris was born. I was closer in age to Chris than I was Derek. I adored him, and then Michaela came along four years later. I loved babysitting my niece and nephew, and then Kate and Liz eventually started having kids. I was surrounded by my nieces and nephews growing up. So, it comes only natural.

Then...when I was thirteen, I started hanging out with some high school kids. They really screwed me up, and the next thing I knew…my sisters wouldn't let me near their kids. Meredith, this is why I can't be a mother. Because as you know, when you're a mother, there's no room for screwing up, and I seem to do a lot of screwing up. That's another reason I came here when Derek wasn't. He still looks at me like I'm a drug addict. I know we've gotten better over the last couple years, but you saw him the last time I was here. He didn't want me near Zola." She sniffled, setting the plate, now full of French toast. "Breakfast is ready."

"Thank you so much, Amelia. I really do appreciate it. I only wish Zola was here to enjoy this. She's so used to Cheerios for breakfast. This would be a real treat for her, though I'm sure Arizona is feeding her a good breakfast." Meredith thought of her little girl with her friend, enjoying a warm-cooked meal. She had never tasted Arizona's cooking, though she imagined she could cook. Arizona looked like the type of person who knew how to cook.

She enjoyed her French toast and offered a small bit to Bailey. He was starting to eat more solid foods. She made sure his food was cut up and cool before giving it to him. He seemed to really enjoy the French toast.

"Don't get too used to it, Buddy. Auntie Amelia won't be around forever," Meredith joked.

"You know, I could teach you how to make French toast. It's really easy. I learned how to do it when I was like four. No joke," Amelia laughed.

"You're lucky to have a mother who cooked when you were a kid," Meredith told her.

"Yeah, I am. My mother was an amazing cook, if I don't say so myself," Amelia sighed. "You know, I miss her cooking."

Meredith had admired Mrs. Shepherd's cooking over the holidays. She had cooked a smoked ham for Christmas dinner, along with the most beautiful Christmas cookies and cake balls Meredith had ever seen. Well, actually, Meredith had never seen a cake ball before. Everyone was shocked when she'd confessed that she'd never tried a cake ball. They were delicious. Mrs. Shepherd had also prepared the best green bean casserole Meredith had eaten in her life.

"So, nobody knows?" Meredith asked. "About the baby?"

"Just you," Amelia said bluntly, and then added, "And Liz...she's the only person I've told my plan, and I made her swear not to tell a soul. Liz is the only one of my sisters who can keep a secret if I make her promise. Plus, she, like my mother, has never been overly fond of Addison, so I don't have to worry about word getting back to L.A. For having the crazy rugrats she has, she really does have a heart of gold. Nancy and Kate...they're the biggest gossipers on the planet, I swear, plus they adore Addison. Kate actually coined the term _slutty intern_—"

Meredith's mouth dropped. "And to think I actually liked Kate," she said, adding, "or at least I thought I did."

Amelia laughed, then continued, "I had to call Liz, because she's the only one who's been to your house, so she could give me the address. Plus, she sends out those cheesy Christmas cards every year, so I figured she had your address handy on file."

Meredith's mouth opened, remembering Liz had been the sister who had donated part of her leg nerves to save Derek's hand. Liz had also been the first person outside of her and Derek she'd told she was pregnant with Bailey. Liz had known about her pregnancy before Cristina.

"Speaking of which, I was going to ask you how you'd found your way here without contacting Derek and me for the address," Meredith noted, having finished her plate of French toast. She noticed Amelia was also finished with her plate. "Since you did the cooking, the least I can do is the dishes," Meredith told Amelia.

"Oh, no, it's really not necessary. I'll do the dishes. You go take a shower and get ready for work. When's your first surgery?" Amelia asked kindly. Meredith raised a brow.

"I gotta say, Amelia, it seems like you're trying to suck up, and I'm not a fond of suck ups. And it's at nine," she said.

Amelia shrugged. "No sucking up here. Just being the kind, helpful sister-in-law," Amelia grinned, then winked at Meredith. _Sister-in-law_, Meredith thought. The word sounded weird, and even though she knew that was the technical term for her relationship to Amelia, it still sounded funny. Meredith had four sister-in-laws, but she never really thought of them as sisters.

"The kind, helpful sister-in-law who wants me to adopt her baby?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow. "Who's also going to schedule an appointment with O.B. today to have an ultrasound, right?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Amelia shrugged, gathering Bailey from his highchair. "Go get ready work. I'll take care of everything out here."

"Hm, you've been here for less than twelve hours, and you're already giving me commands?" Meredith inquired.

Amelia froze. "I mean no disrespect. I'm just trying to be helpful."

"And I appreciate it, believe me, I really do," Meredith assured, yet she was still leery. She wasn't sure if she trusted Amelia completely, especially with her son. She didn't know what to believe at this point. The idea of adopting another child at this time seemed so impossible. What were Amelia's real intentions? Did she want to drop this child off on Derek's and her doorsteps then disappear never to see the child again except at holidays? It was one thing for her and Derek to adopt Zola, whose parents were complete strangers and weren't in the picture. But if they did adopt Amelia's child, the child would also be their niece or nephew. He or she would always be bound to Amelia. And what if three or five or ten years later Amelia changed her mind? By then, Meredith and Derek would have bonded with the child and grown to love him or her. Though, if Amelia gave up legal rights to the child and she and Derek adopted him or her, then she would have no legal binding to the child.

It seemed like a messy situation to Meredith, and confusing nonetheless. These thoughts drowned in her head as she showered. The warm water splashed against her skin, and she was grateful to finally have a moment to shower. Yesterday she hadn't even had a chance to shower. It'd been the first day without Derek, and she'd had both kids at home. Bailey had been difficult to put to sleep, and Derek had been unavailable to sing him to sleep.

They were on day three of five now. In two days, Derek would be home.

And what did Amelia expect she do? That she would keep her presence a secret until Derek arrived? What was she supposed to tell Derek? He would not be happy knowing his wife had lied to him all this time. And heaven forbid he wanted to try to have another sexy video chat tonight or tomorrow. She'd pick him up from the airport the night after tomorrow night. Would Amelia go with her?

Meredith knew Derek wouldn't fall for Amelia's request. He wouldn't be game for adopting his niece or nephew. She knew he loved kids, and they'd talked about having a big family before. She'd even thrown the number "five" out before. He'd said he wanted two girls and two boys once. Though, after all the challenges they'd gone through to conceive and then to adopt Zola, and then her getting pregnant by surprise with Bailey, they were content with two kids. The idea of having more children seemed unbearable to Meredith. They already struggled with the two kids they had. There was no way they could take on a third at this time.

She didn't know how parents did it across the world. How families had five and more children. She knew many of the kids were raised by nannies, but Meredith didn't want that for her child. Her own mother had never been around when she was growing up, and Meredith had always resented her for that. Meredith didn't want her children to resent her for not being home. She didn't want them to be raised solely by nannies. She wanted her kids to have individual attention from both of their parents, and as far as she was concerned, she had the perfect family.

There was one for each her and Derek. She had her little girl to play dress up with and have tea parties and play dolls with, and Derek had his little boy who would grow up to love camping and fishing like his daddy. They were set. They didn't need another child in the mix. If they had another child, then they would be uneven. Someone would always feel left out, and Meredith would feel horrible about that.

She finished showering and grabbed a towel to dry her body. She dried her hair while the thoughts circled through her brain. She wanted to tell Derek that Amelia was there, but she'd promised Amelia she wouldn't. Even though she wasn't close to Amelia, she didn't want Amelia to get the idea that she wasn't trustworthy. Amelia had already told her so much, especially considering she barely even knew the woman who was her sister-in-law.

When she was dressed and ready for work, she made sure to run into Zola's room to grab a spare outfit, just in case, since Zola would be wearing the outfit that was her spare in the diaper bag. She put the clothes in a spare bag and headed into the living room, where she found Amelia sitting on the floor in the living room playing with Bailey.

"Well, I'm ready for work. You ready to go?" She looked at Amelia, who was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved purple shirt. Her small bump was visible. Meredith wondered how Amelia had gone so long without knowing she was pregnant. Meredith had known she was pregnant with Bailey at three weeks, but then again, Meredith's periods were always right on track. She'd known when she was a day late that something was up. Even when she and Derek had been trying to conceive and through all the fertility treatments they'd tried, she'd never missed a period, except when she'd actually been pregnant.

"Yeah, we're good to go," Amelia smiled, lifting Bailey off the ground.

As they were leaving the house, Meredith's phone rang. Derek's name appeared on the caller identification.

"Hey, Derek," she answered, smiling. Amelia bit her lip and carried Bailey toward the car. Meredith unlocked the door and took the driver's seat while allowing Amelia to fasten Bailey into his car seat.

"I just had a free minute and wanted to call you to say good morning. It must be about seven-thirty there, right?" Derek asked.

Meredith looked at the clock in her car. "You hit it right on the nail. What time is it there?" Meredith had lived on the east coast for several years, but she was still terrible with converting Pacific Time to Eastern Time.

"It's ten-thirty," Derek said. "I'm on my way to a new session, so I don't have long. I just wanted to tell you I love you and that you're beautiful. I don't want to hold you up too long, because you're probably on your way to work."

"I'm just leaving the house, actually," Meredith said. "Bailey, it's Daddy. Say _Hi, Da-Da_." She turned her phone around and put the phone up to Bailey's ear.

"Hi, Bailey-boo," she heard Derek say to their son. She took the phone back.

"I'd let you talk to him longer, but I'm just about to pull out of the driveway," she said as Amelia opened the passenger seat and took a seat next to Meredith.

"Well, I'll let you go, then. I love you, Meredith," Derek's voice warmed her ear.

"I love you, too, and I can't wait until you're home," Meredith told her husband.

"Speaking of which...that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. As much as I love this conference, I miss you and the kids, and I won't be missing much if I cut out on the last day. What do you think about me coming home a day early? Callie's desperately missing Sofia and Arizona as well, so we were both thinking about cutting out early…"

Meredith's heart raced. As much as she loved the idea, she hated that she loved it. She glanced at Amelia quickly as she backed out of the driveway and turned onto the road. "Oh, Derek, as much as I miss you and love the idea, I don't want me to be the reason you miss part of the conference. You should stay, Derek. I mean, how many people get to say they've been to a conference that the President of the United States hosted?"

"And I can say it and I've enjoyed my time here, I really have, but I've looked at the agenda for the last day, and there's really not a whole lot that interests me. I'd rather be home with you and the kids tomorrow evening than the next."

Meredith sighed. "Well, ultimately it's up to you, I guess." She looked at Amelia, whose interest had peaked.

"Then, it's settled. It's my decision, so I'm coming home tomorrow. Plan for me tomorrow evening, okay?" Derek said. "And we'll FaceChat tonight, right?"

"FaceTime," Meredith laughed. "And, yes, of course. The kids really loved it, and I should have Zola tonight, so Callie and Arizona can have their privacy."

"And we can have ours," Derek teased.

"We have two kids," Meredith reminded, knowing where he was going.

"Kids go to sleep fairly early," Derek pointed out.

"Don't you have a conference you have to be at?" Meredith asked.

"Oh, I see how it is, you don't want to talk to me anymore," Derek pouted. Meredith sighed and rolled her eyes.

"That's not it at all," Meredith protested. "I'm driving right now, and you know how much I hate talking on the phone and driving at the same time. And I'll see you tomorrow, Derek."

"Okay, I'll let you go. Love you, Meredith."

She ended the call without telling him she loved him back and glanced at Amelia through the corner of her eye while also focusing on the road. "Derek is coming home tomorrow night instead of the next," she told Amelia.

"What?" Amelia gasped. "No! Why didn't you tell him not to! Gosh darn it, I need more time."

"More time for what, Amelia?" Meredith asked.

"Uh, just more time with you, to get to know you," Amelia stumbled over her word, and Meredith wasn't ignorant to what Amelia really meant. What she really meant to say was _"To convince you to adopt my child so you'll convince Derek as well." _Meredith wasn't buying Amelia's kindness, and although Meredith found it slightly annoying, she had to admit she was already enjoying having Amelia around. She didn't want to get too used to it, because she knew that once Amelia realized that Derek and her weren't going to agree to adopt her child, she would be on the first flight out—that was, if Derek didn't kick her out the moment he returned home.

"You know, Derek is going to be pretty pissed if he comes home and finds out you're here and I didn't tell him," Meredith said slowly. "Last thing I think either of us wants is a pissed off Derek, but he won't be pissed at you. He'll be pissed at me, because I'll be the one who didn't tell him."

Amelia released a sigh. "Okay then, tell him I'm here." She paused and added, "But for the love of God, do not tell him _why _I'm here."

"I can agree to that," Meredith said with a weak smile on her face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, the last couple days have been such a high. First, with the news of Ellen and Patrick signing on for two more years - which I'm absolutely thrilled about, and then Patrick tweeting fans. Can't wait to see what's in store next for MerDer (though, I'm a little scared as well. Hope all will end well, but who knows with Shonda). **


	4. Chapter 4

When they arrived at the hospital, Meredith parked in her usual spot. She unstrapped Bailey from his seat and told Amelia that she would drop her son off at daycare. She told Amelia to wait for her in the main lobby, where Meredith would meet her before going to her surgery, so she could schedule Amelia an appointment to see an O.B. Meredith knew she would be able to get Amelia in to see an O.B. much faster than if Amelia herself tried to schedule an appointment.

When she arrived in the daycare, she saw Arizona was also dropping Zola and Sofia off.

"Mommy!" Zola cried, running toward Meredith and Bailey. She wrapped her arms around her mother's waist and said, "I missed you."

Meredith smiled as her heart vibrated with warmth. Zola had missed her. She felt a little guilty to feel so satisfied. She kneeled down, shifting her son to one arm, to wrap an arm around her little girl. "I missed you, too, baby," she said, kissing Zola on the forehead. She looked up and saw Arizona looking down on her. "So, did the girls sleep well?"

Arizona laughed. "Not at all. I'm sure they'll have a nice nap in daycare. Won't you, girls?" Arizona looked at Sofia and Zola.

"I not sleep," Zola said.

"I not sleepy either," Sofia smiled, looking at her friend.

"Let's play, Sofi!" Zola giggled, running over to Sofia, and the girls ran toward three- and four-year-old section of the daycare and began playing with the dollhouse.

Meredith smiled at Arizona. "They're lucky to have each other. I'm glad Zola has a friend."

"Me, too," Arizona said with a yawn. "I love Zola to death, but I need to get some sleep tonight, and I'd love a private Skype date with my wife, so you know, Sofia is more than welcomed to spend the night at your house…"

"You're kidding, right?" Meredith laughed. "Don't get me wrong, I adore Sofia, but I have my hands full." She looked at the little guy in her arms.

"Oh, right," Arizona sighed. "I thought it was worth a shot."

"Did Callie tell you that she and Derek are considering leaving the conference a day early?" Meredith asked as she walked over toward the infant section of the daycare and handed her son over to one of the sitters.

"She did not!" Arizona gasped. "When did you hear that?"

"Derek called me a little bit ago," Meredith told her. She gave her son a kiss on the forehead. "You be a good boy, Bailey. Mommy will see you later. Love you, pumpkin. Bye-bye." She waved at her little guy.

"Bye-bye," Bailey repeated back.

Meredith and Arizona left the daycare room and Arizona said, "Well, I'll see you later. I have a phone call to make," and Arizona disappeared.

Meredith made a dash to change into her scrubs; she only had fifteen minutes before her scheduled surgery. She had no doubt in her mind that Edwards had prepped the patient, a forty-year-old woman who needed a hernia repair. Edwards had been on Meredith's service for months now, so she basically knew how to run it. Meredith had learned to trust her to the point that she didn't want any of the other residents on her service. The other resident who was even comparable was Jo, but she was of course always on Alex's service. In a way, Jo and Alex reminded Meredith of her and Derek during the early days of their relationship. Meredith imagined there was only a matter of time before Alex and Jo realized they couldn't work together and be together. Though, sometimes Meredith missed working with Derek. She had truly been passionate about neuro. Nonetheless, she knew it was better this way.

After she was fully dressed in her navy blue scrubs, she ran to main lobby, where she found Amelia sitting in a chair, reading _People Magazine_.

"Get up. Let's go," Meredith grabbed Amelia's hand and dragged her out of the chair, causing the magazine to fall out of Amelia's hand. She took Amelia to the gynecologic wing of the hospital and told the desk receptionist that she needed to schedule a routine ultrasound.

"The first open spot I have is at nine-thirty a.m. with Dr. Nichols," the receptionist said.

Meredith hadn't heard of Dr. Nichols. "What about Dr. Ryan?" Meredith asked, wondering if her gynecologist was available.

"Dr. Ryan is currently on maternity leave."

"Oh, well, offer her my congratulations," Meredith sighed, then looked toward Amelia.

"I want you there," Amelia said.

"What?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was part of Amelia's plan to get her to agree to adopt the baby. Did Amelia think that if she saw the baby on the ultrasound that she would suddenly get all warm and gooey inside and want to keep it? She may be a mother now, and although she wasn't a gynecologist, she'd seen her share of ultrasounds. The sole purpose of the ultrasound was to make sure the baby was healthy.

"Please, Meredith, don't make me go through this alone. I'm already on my own…"

"By choice," Meredith noted.

"Okay, yes, by choice, but I know you're not heartless," Amelia insisted. "I know you want everyone to think that you don't think family matters, but you do care. I saw it last night; otherwise you would have shipped me off to a hotel."

"Okay, whatever," Meredith said, turning to the receptionist. "We're going to need an appointment after noon." She quickly glanced at the clock, noting she only had a few minutes before she had to be in surgery.

"I can get you in with Dr. Moses at one," said the receptionist.

"Isn't Dr. Moses a resident?" Meredith asked, recognizing the name.

"She's a fourth-year resident, yes."

Meredith scowled, because she hoped to take the kids home early that day. She wanted to get them home before three. "Okay, book her for that, because I have a surgery I need to get to."

"What's the name of the patient?"

"Amelia Shepherd," Meredith said.

"Shepherd…as in Dr. Shepherd, the neurosurgeon?" the receptionist asked.

"I am a neurosurgeon," Amelia said proudly.

Meredith sternly looked into the receptionist's eyes. His eyes widened, shot with fear. "Um, right. I have Amelia Shepherd scheduled for an appointment at one o'clock today."

"Thank you," Meredith said and turned to Amelia. "I have to go."

"And what am I supposed to do while you're in surgery?" Amelia shrugged.

"I don't know, find a good magazine to read," Meredith insisted, heading toward the door.

"Wait, you and Derek are partial owners to this hospital, right? You can give me privileges, then?" Amelia insisted, running after Meredith.

"Huh? Whatever, you can do consults I guess," Meredith said.

"Awesome," Amelia grinned, satisfied with Meredith's response. They were still standing outside the gynecological wing when Alex Karev appeared. Meredith instantly noticed the curious expression on his face.

"Gee, Mer, I've been looking everywhere for you. Jo has been trying to page you. Your patient is ready and prepped for surgery. Oh, and you didn't tell me you were expecting again—"

"I'm not," Meredith immediately cut in. Alex's eyes widened as he looked at the woman standing next to Meredith. "You've met Derek's sister, right? Amelia."

"Oh, yeah, I remember you. You're the other neuro spawn in the Shepherd family," Alex said.

"That's me," Amelia smiled, extending her hand to shake Alex's.

"Did you say Jo was paging me?" Meredith suddenly remembered what Alex said. "I thought Edwards was my resident?"

"Edwards called in sick with the flu this morning, so Jo is filling in. She said she texted you, but apparently you're not checking your phone," Alex said.

Meredith patted her phone in her pocket. "Right, I have a lot going on right now." She looked at Amelia and then at Alex. "Alex, show Amelia where the scrubs and extra white coats are. I'm giving her temporary privileges to the hospital."

"Do you even have the authority to do that? I know you're an owner of the hospital now so you think you're the boss, but shouldn't you run that by Owen? I mean, he's the chief," Alex responded.

"I have to go, and don't question me," Meredith said, backing toward the elevator.

"Yeah, don't question her," Amelia agreed.

Meredith checked her phone once she was on the elevator to see that Stephanie had indeed texted her to tell her that she was sick, and Jo had paged her numerous times. She sent a quick text to Jo to tell her that she was on her way.

The surgery took less than two hours and was a success. By the time the patient was back in her room and awake, it was twelve-thirty. Meredith noted that Amelia's appointment was in a half hour. Tracking down Amelia would be the challenge now. Meredith hoped that Amelia hadn't gotten herself into a surgery. Meredith hoped Amelia knew better than to do that. However, from what Derek had told her and the vibe she'd gotten from Amelia, Meredith sensed Amelia was prone to act sporadically and irrationally. She was beginning to regret her decision to tell Amelia she could have privileges at the hospital, but Meredith hadn't known what to do at the time. She was in a hurry and hadn't wanted to argue with her. She knew that Alex did have a point. It hadn't been her place to tell Amelia she could have privilege in the hospital. When Owen found out, she sensed she would hear about it, and Derek wouldn't be too happy about it either.

_Derek_.

As she was trying to track down Amelia, she noticed she had a voicemail from Derek. Instead of checking her voicemail, she decided to just call Derek right back, hoping he would answer. It was already three-thirty on the east coast now.

"You've reached Dr. Derek Shepherd. I'm currently working on a making medical history. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience.."

There was something about her husband's arrogance that turned her on.

"Hey, Derek. It's Meredith. Call me when you can. There's something I need to tell you." Meredith ended the call and looked ahead into the patient room ahead. She saw Amelia Shepherd with Shadow Shepherd. She was dressed in navy blue scrubs and talking to a patient who was lying in the hospital bed.

"Amelia," Meredith hissed as she entered the room.

"Thank God, Dr. Grey," Dr. Nelson, also known as _Shadow Shepherd_, released a sigh of relief. "This woman is completely and inappropriately trying to steal my patient from me. She says her name is Dr. Shepherd, but obviously she's not. I believe she's an imposter!"

Meredith couldn't help but chuckle lightly. She looked at Amelia, whose eyes begged for help. Meredith said, "This is Derek's sister, Amelia. She's also a neurosurgeon and is visiting from Los Angeles. I'm terribly sorry if she's caused you any problems, Dr. Nelson," Meredith said with a smile on her face.

He scoffed. "Well, she doesn't have rights in this hospital, and she certainly doesn't have the authority to _steal _my patients."

"I am right here," the patient said, rolling her eyes. She looked at Meredith.

"I'm so sorry for the confusion and hostility. They really shouldn't be arguing in front of you," Meredith said, extending her arm to shake the patient's hand. "I'm Dr. Grey."

"I've heard of you. You're Dr. Shepherd's—the other Dr. Shepherd—wife, right?"

Meredith nodded. "I am."

"I'm Stacy," the patient said, "and I originally was referred to your husband, but then I was told that he was too busy, so then I was referred to Dr. Nelson. He told me that my tumor is inoperable, but the other Dr. Shepherd, the one standing right here, told me that she thinks she can operate, and if that's true, then I want to take that chance, if there's a small chance I can live longer than the three to six months Dr. Nelson is giving me."

"I'm terribly sorry that Dr. Shepherd here is giving you false hope, Stacy," Dr. Nelson said sincerely, placing his hand on the patient's wrist.

"Mer, if you see the scans…" Amelia said, handing the papers to Meredith.

Meredith studied the scans and noted the size of the tumor. She could see why Shadow Shepherd was hesitant to operate, but she had performed similar surgeries with Derek during her residency. Derek, however, was famous for operating on patients who had been told their tumors were inoperable. She could see Amelia also shared that element of risk-taking.

"So?" Amelia asked. Meredith looked at the clock and saw Amelia's appointment was in three minutes.

She pointed to the clock and said, "I think we can talk about this when we're on the way to your appointment, Amelia." Meredith turned to the patient, "I'm terribly sorry for the confusion, but Amelia has somewhere she needs to be in three minutes."

"Do you think my tumor is operable?" the patient called after Meredith and Amelia departed the room.

"Jeez, the doctors at this hospital must have been sleeping during the bedside manner unit." Amelia rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry for pulling you out while you were talking to a patient, but you knew about this appointment before you ever got yourself involved with a patient," Meredith said.

"I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about that Dr. Nelson. He shouldn't be allowed to see patients. He started attacking me right in front of that patient," Amelia insisted. "I seriously think you should talk to the chief about him."

"With our luck, he'll say something to the chief about _you_," Meredith hissed.

"About me? All I'm trying to do is save that poor woman's life! He wants to send her home to die. You saw the scans. I know you're not a neurosurgeon, but you spent a lot of time studying under Derek during your residency, didn't you?" Amelia asked.

"That's beside the point." Meredith rolled her eyes as they arrived at their destination. "But don't worry. You won't be the one who gets your ass chewed out. It'll be me." She knew that Amelia had good intentions, but she also knew that Alex had been right. Even though she was a partial owner of the hospital, she technically didn't have the authority to give Amelia rights to the hospital. She should have told her to run it past Hunt first. Though, Meredith wasn't too worried. Shadow Shepherd wasn't looked upon too highly anyway; after all, he was no Derek. However, now that Derek was a big shot working on the president's research, most of Derek's former patients had been referred to him.

She checked Amelia in at the desk. The receptionist told them to take a seat and the doctor would be with them shortly. Meredith didn't know why she was doing this for her sister-in-law whom she barely knew. Amelia was an adult who was more than capable of doing this for herself. Meredith released a sigh as she took a seat next to Amelia.

"See? Why the rush? The doctor isn't even ready anyway. We give patients an appointment, and then we're never ready on time," Amelia said.

Meredith chuckled at Amelia's claim, because she knew it was true. She smiled and studied Amelia. It was evident that she was definitely Derek's relation. Her captivating blue eyes reminded Meredith very much of her husband's. Her dark brown hair matched Derek's as well. Amelia also was skilled at getting people to submit to her will. When she wanted something, she fought for it. Meredith could see why Derek and Amelia often clashed; they were very much alike. As far as Meredith knew, though, her husband had never tried drugs.

Looking at Amelia caused Meredith to realize how much she missed Lexie. Sitting here with Amelia at her O.B. appointment was something Meredith would have done for Lexie. She thought of how Amelia had taken care of Bailey that morning. It reminded Meredith of how Lexie had taken care of Zola when she was little. She missed Lexie so much.

"Amelia Shepherd," a nurse called Amelia's name. Meredith walked alongside her sister-in-law to meet the nurse. "Hello, Dr. Grey," the nurse smiled weakly at her. Meredith recognized the nurse from her own O.B. appointments when she was pregnant with Bailey. Her name was Sheena DeLange. Meredith smiled wryly at Nurse Sheena. "And hello, Amelia. I'm guessing you're Dr. Shepherd's sister?"

"The big-shot neurosurgeon is indeed my brother," Amelia said proudly.

"Well, Amelia, I'm just going to have to record your weight. If you could step on the scale…"

Amelia stepped on the scale without removing her shoes. Meredith noted the scale weighed her at 117 pounds. The nurse also measured Amelia's height, which came out to 5'4".

"Looking good," the nurse said as she guided Amelia and Meredith to an exam room. Amelia took a seat on the exam table, and Meredith stood next to her. The nurse looked at Amelia, "Now, how far along do you think you are?"

Amelia shrugged. "I'm really not sure. I've always been irregular, but I'd guess 18-20 weeks."

Sheena's eyes widened as she looked at Meredith, who shrugged. She, too, couldn't understand going so long without having prenatal care, though Meredith had seen the TV show _I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant_, and she'd even had a patient once who thought she had gallstones. It turned out she was in labor. Meredith didn't understand it, but she also knew every woman's body was different.

"All right, then," Sheena said. "I'll just need to collect some medical history from you before the doctor comes in."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. I'm a doctor." Amelia rolled her eyes. There were some very obvious indicators that made it clear that Amelia was the baby of the family, Meredith had noticed. She had noticed Amelia didn't seem to have much of a filter, and she behaved immaturely at times. Although she did share numerous personality characteristics with her brother, she was different in those ways.

Sheena proceeded to ask Amelia a series of standard questions.

"Is there a history of diabetes in your family?" Nurse Sheena asked.

"No," Amelia quickly responded. Sheena proceeded to ask Amelia if there was a history of gestational diabetes, which Amelia also answered no to. As Sheena continued to ask questions and Amelia responded _No_, Meredith realized that she herself didn't know anything about the Shepherd family medical history, so she didn't even know if Amelia was being truthful. She hoped Amelia knew better than to lie about her medical history. Being a doctor herself, she should. On the contrary, Meredith found herself developing a curiosity about her husband's family history. After all, they did have a biological son together. If there was a history of illness in his family, she wanted to know. She wanted her son to live as healthy of a life as possible. He'd already been exposed to the Alzheimer's gene, since thanks to Dr. Bailey's gene mapping, Meredith had learned that she had inherited her mother's gene for the disease.

When Sheena finished her line of questioning, she took Amelia's temperature and blood pressure. She then told Amelia that the doctor would be in shortly, and she left the room.

Amelia scowled. "I hate being treated like a patient."

Meredith did know where Amelia was coming from, considering that she herself had been under the knife several times. Plus, she had just given birth less than a year ago. "I know where you're coming from, but she was just doing her job. Everyone is a patient at some point in their life."

"We doctors make the worst patients, don't we?" Amelia said teasingly.

"That we do," Meredith nodded.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Same author (Liv Cassidy); I've just recycled a pen name so my name is fandom neutral. This chapter is full of goodies, including the return of a past well-known character. _Dun dun dun..._**

* * *

><p>It wasn't long before Dr. Moses entered the room. Meredith had seen her around the hospital several times, and she also remembered her from when Meredith had spent some time in O.B. during her fifth year. Dr. Moses had only been a second-year resident at the time. She was a tall, dark-skinned woman. Meredith had always imagined she was a basketball or volleyball player in high school. Her dark brown hair was in a bun, and she had kind, coffee brown eyes. She wore light-pink scrubs, like all the O.B. residents did.<p>

"Hey, Meredith. Long time no see," Dr. Moses extended her hand to shake Meredith's hand. Meredith hadn't realized they were on a first-name basis and was ashamed to admit that she didn't know Dr. Moses's first name. Meredith smiled as she shook Dr. Moses's hand. Dr. Moses then turned to Amelia. "And you must be…" She paused as she stared at the name. "Amelia Shepherd?"

"My sister-in-law," Meredith explained, though it still felt weird to refer to Amelia as her _sister-in-law_. It was going to take some getting used to.

"Ah, I figured. It's nice to meet you, Amelia. I'm Dr. Moses, but you can call me Nadia," Nadia smiled warmly toward Amelia and extended her hand to shake Amelia's.

"Well, it's nice to meet someone around here who treats me like a human being at last, Nadia." Amelia glowed as she shook Nadia's hand.

"I like to be on a first-name basis with my patients, because they're generally stuck with me for nine months," laughed Nadia. "Now, anyway, back to you. You told Sheena that you think you're about 18 to 20 weeks?"

"Yes," Amelia admitted. "I know you must think that's embarrassing. I'm a doctor and my best friend is an obstetrician, yet I didn't begin to suspect I was pregnant until a couple weeks ago."

"Ah, I heard that M.D.s ran in the Shepherd lineage," said Nadia. Meredith was impressed with how she talked to Amelia as if she were a friend, not a patient. She could tell that Dr. Moses was skilled at the art of bedside manner, something she, too, strived to be good at. Beside manner, as Amelia had pointed out earlier, was something so many doctors lacked. Meredith had always found Derek to be quite charming with his patients as well.

There were times during the early years of their relationship that she had found herself slightly jealous of his female patients. Occasionally, she felt like he was flirting with them. She never voiced this to him, though, because she didn't want to upset him. She later realized that was just his bedside manner, and it was how he managed to make his patients feel comfortable. Although she also knew that a number of his patients had developed a crush on him—though who could blame them? She remembered hearing about one of his patients who had a chronic blushing disorder and would blush excessively every time he was in the room. Although it had upset Meredith a little bit at the time, she now found it hilarious to think back on. Her husband was hot, so she was used to women crushing on him. Hell, April Kepner had once had a crush on him. Meredith still liked to tease April about that occasionally, even though she knew April was ashamed about it. Whenever she brought it up, April's cheeks would turn as red as her hair.

"My mother raised five doctors," Amelia confessed.

"She must be proud of you all. Were your parents doctors as well?"

"My mom was a Navy Nurse, which is how she met my dad," Amelia paused for a moment. "And after my dad retired from the navy, he opened up a grocery store while my mom stayed at home to raise us kids."

"That's impressive. Well, Amelia, I'm looking at your chart now, and everything looks good so far. I'm going to need you to remove everything from the waist down, so I can perform an ultrasound, then I'll be able to confirm exactly how far along you are and estimate your due date."

Without hesitation, Amelia removed her clothes and rested on the exam table. Nadia prepped Amelia for her ultrasound, and Amelia gazed over toward Meredith, who inched closer to Amelia. Although she sensed Amelia was trying to hide her fear, Meredith noticed a hint of anxiety in Amelia's crystal blue eyes. She squinted as the doctor iced the cold jelly over Amelia's small pregnant belly. Meredith noticed Amelia's hand dangling, and without thinking, she grabbed her sister-in-law's frail, iceberg hand. Amelia gripped tightly onto Meredith's palm.

It just felt right. Meredith knew she didn't have to hold Amelia's hand. After all, Amelia was a full-grown adult, who was more than capable of taking care of herself. For years, Amelia had just been "one of the wolves." She was just Derek's younger sister who he happened to butt heads with. Meredith had barely interacted with her. She barely knew her. And then, just yesterday, the woman had showed up at her doorstep asking her and her husband to adopt the baby inside her womb.

None of it made much sense to Meredith. Then again, she had gathered from the little time she'd spent with Derek's little sister, and what Derek had told her, Amelia wasn't an entirely sensible person. She certainly a tad eccentric, but there was some element about Amelia that intrigued Meredith.

Meredith understood that some women weren't supposed to be mothers; after all, her mother was a prime example. Ellis Grey had loved her only child, in her own way. Her work always came first, though. Working was how Ellis coped. It was what gave her a reason to live. She didn't live for her child. She lived for her career.

When she became a doctor, Meredith knew she had big shoes to fill. She'd been told her entire life that she was worthless and only ordinary. Meredith had always had low self-esteem. Her mother didn't approve of her, so why should anyone else? By the time she graduated from medical school, her mother's health was deteriorating from Alzheimers'. Coincidentally, during her intern year, Meredith had befriended her mother's mini. Cristina Yang soon became her best friend.

Cristina poured her heart and soul into her job, and Meredith thought she would, too, but then everything changed when she fell in love with a man who turned her world upside down. Derek Shepherd had turned her into someone she, nor Cristina, could see coming.

Meredith never wanted to be a mother, because the last thing she wanted was for her children to go through what she had as a child. Cristina knew that work would always become before a child, and she was adamant about never having children. That's when her relationship tumbled apart, when Owen realized that she didn't want to have children. Then there was the abortion.

Cristina could have just as easily carried the child to term and then put him or her up for adoption, but she chose to terminate the pregnancy because she knew that if she had the baby, she would love it. And that had terrified her. Cristina had been her best friend; her twisted sister. Meredith understood Cristina's motives entirely, and why she had done what she did.

Being a mother had never been part of Meredith's dreams. There were women who dreamed their entire lives of having children. Meredith never had "Mommy fever" when she was a teenager; it was natural for a woman's body to want to nurture another human being. She'd never had that desire. She never went "goo-goo-ga-ga." Babies were cute, and she adored them, but she'd never wanted one of her own. And then everything changed, and when she found out her uterus was hostle was when she started to yearn for a baby the most. It's funny how people always want what they can't have.

Now, she had two beautiful babies, and she had no regrets.

But there was something about Amelia's request that Meredith couldn't make sense of. Amelia specifically wanted to _keep her child in the family_. If she just didn't want to be a mother, she could just as easily give her child up for adoption, and any nice couple would happily adopt her baby. If she wanted to watch her child grow up, she could file for an open adoption, but even then, it's not the same. Amelia wanted to have full access to her son or daughter whenever she wanted, but she didn't want to be responsible for raising him or her. That alone terrified Meredith.

Meredith would never forget the nightmare they'd gone through to adopt Zola. There were the sleepless nights she'd gone through wondering if she would ever see her daughter again. What if Amelia changed her mind? Three or four years down the line? What if she realized she made a mistake? And by then, she would have bonded with the baby. She would love the child as her own. Then, Amelia could rip him or her from her arms. Of course, if they made the adoption legally binding, Amelia wouldn't have that authority. But in Meredith's gut, she knew that's not what Amelia wanted. Then there would be an entire court process to go through, and if Amelia really wanted to sign the rights to her child away, then she could have just given her baby to anyone. Meredith knew what Amelia was up to.

"Hi, baby," Nadia said, and the baby appeared on the monitor. Amelia's eyes widened as she looked at the screen. "Here's the head." An enlarged image of the baby's face appeared on the screen. "And here's the heartbeat." The thumping of the baby's heartbeat became audible.

"The baby has a brain," Amelia whispered, and her face lit up when she saw the baby's little spooky face; the fetus's face was shaped normally, like a skull mask. Meredith wondered if knowing the baby was healthy would change Amelia's mind about giving the baby away.

Nadia rotated the ultrasound, and the baby's pearly spine came into focus. Her face was still as she took shots of the baby.

"Everything is okay, right?" Amelia asked nervously. "Where'd the heartbeat go?" Amelia's jaw dropped with panic as the room suddenly went silent.

"Relax, Amelia," Nadia said as she moved the wand around, and the baby's heartbeat could be heard again. "We'd just moved out of range."

Meredith listened carefully to the baby's heartbeat. She noticed a faint whooshing sound; notably, a heart murmur. Heart murmurs were common, especially in babies, and they often disappeared in time. Meredith had read a statistic somewhere that indicated eighty percent of children had a heart murmur at some point.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" Amelia asked.

"Huh?" Meredith lifted an eyebrow, not wanting to alarm Amelia.

"Your face says something is wrong. Is there something she's not telling me?" Amelia asked, referring to Nadia.

"Everything is fine, Amelia," Nadia assured. "Your baby seems to be the adequate size for twenty weeks, given you haven't had any prenatal care. You're really lucky. With proper prenatal care for the remainder of your pregnancy, you should have a healthy baby. Now, would you like to know the gender?"

Meredith looked at the ultrasound and remembered that she and Derek had figured out by counting the baby's fingers and toes. She looked closely at the baby's hands and found herself counting Amelia's baby's fingers and toes. _Seven, eight, nine, ten...eleven. It's a boy_, though Meredith bit her lip.

"No," Amelia said, looking away from the ultrasound. "I don't want to know."

The fetus's murmur seemed to be getting stronger, and Meredith couldn't ignore it. She didn't want to say anything to upset Amelia, though, so Meredith turned to Nadia. "May I have a word with you outside, Doctor Moses?" she asked Nadia.

"I knew it," Amelia gasped. "Something is wrong, isn't it? Meredith, just say it in front of me. I can take it. I'm a doctor too."

Meredith released a sigh, and Nadia looked with confusion at Meredith. "What is it, Meredith?"

"It's just...listen, Dr. Moses. Do you hear a murmur?"

"I did notice a faint murmur, yes, but more than eighty percent of babies have heart murmurs present at some point. They generally grow out of them," Dr. Moses insisted.

"Don't you think it would be a wise idea to do a fetal echocardiogram just to be on the safe side?" Meredith asked. "I mean, it's what I would do."

"Wait, you noticed a _murmur_ and didn't say anything to me?" Amelia inhaled a deep breath. "Isn't that, like, illegal? Aren't doctors supposed to give full disclosure with their patients? Or is that not the protocol here in Seattle! You've got to be kidding me!"

"Amelia, calm down," Dr. Moses said softly. "I didn't say anything, because like I said, murmurs are present in eighty percent of infants, and most of the time they're completely harmless."

"And you know as well as I know, or you should at least, that 'most of the time' isn't good enough. Given my previous pregnancy history, I want to know everything, and I want a fetal echocardiogram ordered _now_."

"Of course, Amelia," Dr. Moses sighed, giving Meredith a look, and leaving Meredith and Amelia alone in the patient room.

Amelia let out a loud scoff. "This is why I wanted you here, Meredith. Damn residents don't know shit."

"Chances are it's nothing," Meredith replied assuringly.

"If I were anyone else, then chances are it would be nothing, but I'm also the woman who gave birth to a baby without a brain. So, for me, chances are it's something. And if this baby has a congenital heart defect, the sooner it's caught, the better chance he or she has at survival."

"I gotta say, Amelia, for not wanting this baby, you seem to care an awful lot for him," Meredith spat out, and she noticed Amelia's eyes widen, and Meredith quickly added, "or her."

"It's a boy, isn't it?" Amelia whispered. "You read the ultrasound."

"I'm not a gynecologist," Meredith said flatly. "But, I'm pretty sure that, yes, your baby is a boy."

"Wow," Amelia put her hand over her belly. "A boy. Maybe there's a chance of evening out the boy to girl ratio in our family yet." She chuckled lightly. Meredith shared a smile with Amelia. To date, Carolyn Shepherd had ten granddaughters and six grandsons. "I'm sure you and Derek will raise him well." Meredith's smile curved downward, and she didn't respond to Amelia's comment.

Dr. Moses returned with her attending, who Meredith didn't recognize at first, but when she did, her mouth dropped. Her hair was quite longer than it had been the last time Meredith had seen her. Her long blonde hair was down to her waist. Her green eyes twinkled when the light hit her just right. She was tall, lengthy, blonde and beautiful; after all, Alex used to call her "Dr. Model" considering she modeled in magazines to pay her way through med school.

"Izzie!" Meredith gasped. Her heart dropped.

"Meredith? Oh, my God. You're still here," Izzie reached out and wrapped her arms around her former roommate.

"You're here, in this hospital, and how didn't I know? Why didn't you tell me?" Meredith interrogated.

"I just started yesterday. I was trying to keep it on the down-low. Oh, my God. Hunt told me about the plane crash and the hospital being renamed in Lexie's and Mark's memory when he hired me. It's so sad. I didn't ask if you were still here. I figured we'd run into each other eventually, if you were. Who else is still here? I'm guessing McDreamy is. What about Cristina?" Meredith nodded, and Izzie whispered hoarsely, "Alex?" Meredith nodded again. "Oh, God. Don't tell him I'm here, please. I mean, I know we'll cross paths eventually, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Meredith nodded, and swallowed. She imagined Izzie didn't know that her ex-husband was in a serious relationship with one of his residents. _Perfect timing, Izzie_, Meredith thought. She didn't want to be the one to tell Alex that was Izzie back in town and in the hospital. Though, it was only a matter of time before they crossed paths. She imagined Izzie didn't know that Alex was a pediatric surgeon, and peds surgeons often crossed paths with gynecologists for the obvious reasons.

"Um, I take it you know each other," Amelia observed.

"Izzie was in my intern class," Meredith explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Dr. Isobel Stevens," Izzie extended her hand to shake Amelia's. "I'm an attending, and Dr. Moses has informed that she picked up a murmur on your initial ultrasound—"

Meredith coughed. "_I _picked up," she cut in, secretly wondering if Dr. Moses had really noticed the murmur on her own.

"Anyway," Izzie continued, "so we're going to perform a fetal echocardiogram. I'll explain…"

"You don't need to explain. I'm a doctor. I know the lowdown. I just want to know if the baby is healthy, okay?" Amelia insisted.

"She's Derek's sister," Meredith informed Izzie.

"Oh," Izzie's eyes widened. "That explains everything, then. Let me get you set up, and we'll get started."

Izzie prepared the echocardiogram as Dr. Moses observed. The baby's heart soon appeared on the fetal monitor, and the sound of the baby's heart rhythm could be heard. Meredith once again noticed the irregular whooshing sound, the murmur.

She noticed the frown on Izzie's face. She looked toward Dr. Moses and whispered, "Page cardio."

"What's wrong? What is it?" Amelia asked. Meredith looked closely at the monitor, and although cardio wasn't her speciality, she noted the tiny valve obstruction. She would diagnose the baby with congenital pulmonary stenosis, but she didn't say anything for Amelia's sake. "You know, you people have terrible bedside manner! I'm the patient here, and I'm freaking out. You're supposed to be calming me! Hello_?_!"

Izzie smiled softly and placed her hand on Amelia's shoulder. "You know, they say doctors make the worst patients. You know why? It's because we know how to read faces, and we also know when something's wrong. It's also why we have the best survival rates, because we know when to question when our doctors tell us everything's okay."

"You're the one who had cancer, aren't you?" Amelia questioned. Izzie looked at Meredith, who shrugged. "Yeah, I heard about you. Addison told me that you're the reason my brother didn't quit being a doctor. I never pictured that my brother could ever doubt himself. I mean, he's such a cocky ass most of the time; I always thought it was perfect, but Addie told me about how he lost a patient and it really got to him, and then he came back to save your life?"

Meredith was surprised with how much Amelia seemed to know about what happened here in Seattle, whereas she knew so little about what happened in Los Angeles. She knew which patient Amelia was talking about; Addison had been in Seattle at the time because her brother needed a brain operation that Derek had successfully completed. At the same time, one of Meredith's and Derek's patients, who also happened to be pregnant, needed an operation. After a series of operations, they lost the patient, and Derek took it really hard. It was also conveniently around the time he'd planned to propose to Meredith, which had led to a string of other dramatic events. In the end, they'd gotten through it, but Meredith still hadn't known that Derek was talking to Addison. Well, she knew that Derek and Addison obviously were somewhat in contact, because Addison had contacted Derek about her brother. Still, she was a little shocked.

She didn't know why Derek having contact with his ex-wife bothered her so much. They were married for twelve years, so it was only natural that they would be friends. In the end, Derek chose Meredith. He was the father of her children. Meredith trusted that Derek and Addison were nothing more than friends, though a piece of her still felt jealous. She was his ex-wife, after all, and he hadn't mentioned that he still talked to her. She decided that she would ask Derek about it later, though she didn't want to upset him either.

Cristina entered the room and stopped dead when she saw Izzie. "Well, look at who's been resurrected from the dead," Cristina observed.

"Probably shouldn't joke about that," Meredith responded slyly. She and Cristina had come to terms with the fact they weren't as close as they used to be, but there was still a certain element of tension when they were in the same room together. Although they'd agreed things were different now, words had been said that couldn't be taken back. Cristina used to be Meredith's closest friend in the entire world. At one point, they were inseparable; now they were lucky to say two words to each other in a day.

"No, it's okay," Izzie insisted. "It's nice to see you again, too, Cristina." She looked back and forth between Cristina and Meredith, seeming to notice the element of tension in the room.

"What's going on? Why have I been paged?" Cristina asked, and then looked at Amelia. "Wait, aren't you one of the Shepherd wolves?"

"Is that what Derek is referring to us as now?" Amelia asked, chuckling lightly.

"This is Amelia," Meredith introduced Amelia to Cristina.

"Oh, right. I remember you. You're the druggie," Cristina noted.

Amelia's eyes widened, seemingly impressed by Cristina's bluntness. "Former druggie," Amelia admitted then sighed. "I've been clean for two years."

"Good to know," Cristina said, and her eyes yielded on the heart monitor. "I'm Dr. Yang, and I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon. Looking at the monitor, it appears your unborn child has a condition known as congenital pulmonary stenosis. Given you're a surgeon yourself, I'd like to presume you know what that is and I won't have to go into the nitty gritty."

An element of terror overrode Amelia's face. "I-I'm a neurosurgeon," Amelia said softly, "and I know that stenosis occurs when there is an abnormal n-narrowing of a passage. Intracranial artery stenosis occurs frequently with older patients, and can be treated with medication or surgery, if medication fails to work. Oh, God. I slept through the heart units in college and only shadowed neurosurgeons all throughout my residency. All I know is brains."

"Well, then," Cristina sighed. "You'll be happy to know that pulmonary artery stenosis is completely treatable, and the chances of your baby living a normal life are high. You'll be monitored closely throughout the remainder of your pregnancy, and once you deliver, your baby will be monitored closely by a pediatric and a cardiothoracic doctor, who will then will perform a balloon valvuloplasty."

"Maybe you should have stayed in Los Angeles," Meredith sighed. "You know, Addison is the best neonatal surgeon in the country, or so I've heard."

"Addie can't know," Amelia quickly retorted. She turned to Cristina. "Introduce me to your best pediatric surgeon."

Meredith sighed, looking back and forth between Izzie and Cristina. "I would recommend paging Dr. Robbins."

Cristina widened her eyes. "Why? What's wrong with Alex?" And Izzie's eyes widened. Cristina's mouth rounded, "Oh."

"Alex is a _pediatric surgeon_?" Izzie gasped. Meredith nodded. "Wow! Seriously? _Seriously? _I never would have pegged _Alex Karev _for a pediatric surgeon. I mean, I knew he'd worked some peds cases, but I didn't think he'd actually stay there. He was always interested in plastics, though Mark wasn't the best teacher. I guess I shouldn't speak ill of the dead."

Meredith and Cristina exchanged looks. Meredith could sense that Cristina was thinking the exact same thing that she was. _Izzie had not changed._

"Right, well, I'll page Robbins," Cristina said.

As Cristina lifted her phone, Meredith's phone buzzed in her pocket. _Derek? _She hoped as she pulled out her phone. Her text message wasn't from Derek, though. It was Hunt.

_Meet me in my office STAT. _


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith's stomach tied into a tight knot as she left Amelia alone with Cristina and Izzie. She knew what was coming, so she wasn't surprised when she opened the chief's office to find Dr. Nelson sitting in front of Hunt's desk. She inhaled a deep breath of oxygen into her lungs. "You paged, Dr. Hunt?" She looked back and forth between Owen Hunt and Shadow Shepherd, sensing the anger heightening in Nelson's face. He looked like he was about to burst.

"Take a seat, Dr. Grey," Owen said.

Meredith crossed her arms. "Whatever it is, Dr. Hunt, you say it to me while I'm standing."

"All right, then," Owen said slowly. "Dr. Nelson has just told me quite an interesting story about how a female doctor, claiming to be named Dr. Shepherd, ripped a patient's scans right from his hands, and proceeded to tell his patient that she believed she could operate on the patient's tumor, which Dr. Nelson had already declared inoperable. He then told me that you barged in and dragged this Dr. Shepherd away, taking the scans with you. Now, Meredith, given that the only Dr. Shepherd who is authorized to see patients here is in Washington D.C., as you can imagine, I'm a little confused here, and judging by the look on your face, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Owen looked sternly at Meredith.

Meredith exhaled. "Amelia—Dr. Shepherd—is Derek's younger sister. She was in town and needed something to do, so I told her she could consult with patients."

"And why did you do that without informing the chief, Dr. Grey?" Owen inquired.

"I'm a partial owner of this hospital, so I didn't think it was necessary, Chief," Meredith replied.

"But I'm the chief of surgery, so I'm responsible for what happens in this surgical unit. If a doctor who doesn't have privileges at this hospital steps inside an O.R. and kills a patient, it's on me." Owen's voice rose as he sternly gazed at Meredith.

"Dr. Hunt, I'm sure Amelia meant no harm. She practices neurosurgery in Los Angeles and has a great record. She's also worked on a few cases with Derek, and if she believes she can remove this patient's tumor, then I would let her try. I saw the scan, and I removed a similar tumor with Derek during my residency. It's risky, but I'd say it's doable," Meredith insisted.

Dr. Nelson scoffed. "Giving her the right to cut into that patient is murder, and could easily turn into a lawsuit! There's no way that she can get to the tumor without paralyzing the patient entirely or killing her. Your Shepherd clan might like to take risks, but that's why Derek Shepherd's fatality rate is twenty times higher than mine! I don't know what's going on here, but it looks like the Shepherd siblings are trying to see who can kill the most patients."

"Dr. Nelson," Dr. Hunt said warningly, then looked at Meredith. "You said that you performed a similar surgery with Derek during your residency? Was it successful?"

Meredith nodded. "Yes, we were able to remove the tumor entirely and the patient woke up and was fine. The surgery was deemed a success." She realized Stacy's file was still in her hand, from when Amelia had handed it to her. Then she realized something that hadn't crossed her mind. She was holding a manila envelope, although most of their patient files were in the cloud now. That meant Dr. Nelson had gone through the extra trouble to print Stacy's scans out. If Dr. Nelson hadn't printed the scans, then Amelia wouldn't have been able to rip the scans from his hands. She handed the envelope to Hunt. "Here is the patient's file."

Confusion swept over Hunt's face as he looked at Dr. Nelson. "Did you print the patient's file off?"

"I print off all my patients' files," Dr. Nelson said. "I like to have a hard copy in my hands."

"We went in the cloud for a reason," Dr. Hunt told Dr. Nelson. "Think of how many trees you're killing by printing off all your patients' files."

"Right, and then when we lose power, like we did in that big storm last year, we're screwed. I think we should always have a physical copy of our patients' files. You never know when the computer systems are going to file! You people and your reliance on technology." Dr. Nelson rolled his eyes.

"Dr. Nelson, leave," Dr. Hunt said.

"What?" Dr. Nelson's eyes widened.

"You heard me. Get out of my office, and Stacy Meyer is no longer your patient," Dr. Hunt told Shadow Shepherd, whose jaw dropped.

"I don't understand," Dr. Nelson whispered. He was met by Dr. Hunt's stern gaze. Nelson stomped out of the room like a child. Meredith held back a chuckle.

Owen turned to Meredith. "Okay, where's Dr. Amelia Shepherd now?"

"Uh," Meredith said. "She's somewhere around here. I told her not to see any more patients. I'll go find her, all right?"

"You do that, and tell her that I want Stacy Meyer to be her first priority now. If there's a chance we can save this woman's life, then I want to take it." She noticed as Hunt gazed over the patient's file, and then she handed it back to Meredith. "Go find your sister-in-law."

"Right," Meredith turned around to leave, but before she exited the room, she turned to Hunt. "If you talk to Derek, don't tell him that Amelia's here. He doesn't know yet. Please."

"Okay," Owen said, though Meredith could sense the bewilderment in his voice. Meredith left the room and sought out to find Amelia.

She realized how lucky she was that Hunt had taken her side, though as it held true, Dr. Nelson had never gained the support of the staff at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. He wasn't well-liked, and he was a bit of an ass. Before Derek started his research and was recognized by Washington D.C., they rarely heard Dr. Nelson's name. He'd always been second to Derek. Now, without Derek, he was all they had. Sure, he was a good doctor who published frequently, but as he'd proved himself, he wasn't a risk taker, and sometimes risks needed to be taken.

Meredith ran into Arizona Robbins on her way back to gyno.

"Did you see Amelia?" Meredith asked.

"The pregnant woman whose baby has congenital pulmonary stenosis? Yeah, I just talked to her and explained what we would do after the baby is born. There wasn't much more for me to do now. Gyno will page me when the baby is born," Arizona said and added, "The new gyno attending seems nice. Was Amelia a patient of yours?"

Meredith froze, realizing that Arizona could say something to Callie who could then in turn say something to Derek. Meredith patted her phone in her pocket. Over half the hospital knew Amelia was here, and she hadn't told Derek yet. Amelia wouldn't be happy if word got back to Derek that she was pregnant too. Of course, Meredith was the only one who knew Amelia's real intentions, and she wanted it to stay that way, because she was still determined to convince Amelia to keep the baby.

Arizona's eyes widened. "Amelia Shepherd...she's related to Derek, isn't she? I don't know why I didn't put two and two together."

"Shhh," Meredith whispered. "She's Derek's sister, but please, don't say anything to Callie. Derek doesn't know she's here, and he doesn't know she's pregnant either."

"Okay, then," Arizona's eyes widened. "Family secrets, huh?"

"You can say that," Meredith sighed.

"Don't you think it's a little weird that she would come to Seattle when he's in D.C.?" Arizona asked, and Meredith's face froze. "Right, it's none of my business."

"And don't say anything to Alex about the new gyno attending," Meredith said flatly.

"Huh? Why?" Meredith started to walk off, and Arizona hollered back, "You can't drop a bombshell on me like that and not explain why!"

Meredith stopped and turned around. "She's his ex-wife."

Arizona's jaw dropped. "Oh," she mouthed slowly. "Izzie, right? Gosh, I didn't even recognize her. The last time I saw her…"

"I know." Meredith turned around and proceeded to walk toward the gynecology wing.

She entered the room where Amelia had been, but she wasn't there, but she ran into Izzie. "Izzie, where's Amelia?" she asked with a sigh.

"Oh, I told her she was good to go, and we have an appointment in two weeks. I want to watch her closely," Izzie said.

"All right, so you have no idea where she went?" Meredith asked intensely. Izzie shook her head.

"Look, Mer, I'm sorry I didn't call when I moved back, but I got a new phone and lost all my numbers. I was hoping I'd run into you sooner or later, though I honestly was wondering if you'd moved after all that happened. When I first heard that the hospital had been renamed Grey Sloan Memorial my first thought was that something had happened to you. It was the worst feeling ever, but then Hunt told me...and, I'm so sorry about Lexie, Mer. I knew you two were starting to get closer when I left."

"Yeah," Meredith looked off, unable to make eye contact with Izzie. A moist lump formed in her throat as she tried to hold back tears. It'd been nearly two years since Lexie and Mark had passed, and she still found it difficult to talk about what had happened. The plane crash that had fiendishly taken her sister's life would never be forgotten. It was a moment in her life she would never forget, but it was also one she didn't like to be consciously reminded of.

Flashes of Lexie crossed through Meredith's mind. She remembered the moment she'd learned Lexie was her sister. She remembered how she'd tried to push Lexie away, and then how hard Lexie had tried to get to know her. She studied Izzie. It had been almost five years since she had seen Izzie Stevens, and here she was, seemingly healthy and standing in front of her.

"I'd love to catch up some time," Izzie insisted.

"Me, too. I take it you have a place of your own here in Seattle?" Meredith asked, smiling as she remembered how her former roommate used to do all the cooking. Izzie was quite the bake. Sometimes Meredith missed coming home to fresh baked cookies or bread.

"Yeah, Blake and I live a few miles from here, actually," Izzie said, and then Meredith watched Izzie clasp her hand over her mouth as if she'd said something she hadn't planned on saying.

"Blake? Your boyfriend?" Meredith asked.

"Blake is my son," Izzie whispered, and Meredith noticed Izzie's cheeks blush.

"Your son? How old is he?" Meredith asked, remembering how she had convinced Izzie to freeze some of her eggs before entering cancer treatments. Often times radiology could affect a woman's fertility. That wasn't always the case, though.

"He's four," Izzie said. "Uh, you know, I really should get back to work. I don't want to get fired from my new job already."

"Right. I have a three-year-old daughter, so maybe we could arrange a playdate in the near future," Meredith insisted. "Uh, do you have your phone with you? I can give you my new number." Izzie pulled her phone out of her pocket, and Meredith rattled off her cell phone number as Izzie punched it into her phone. She and Derek had gotten new plans not long ago, when they'd upgraded to iPhones, thus resulting in new phone numbers. So wouldn't have been able to call her anyway, if she'd tried.

"Awesome. I'll shoot you a text. Well, I gotta get back to work…" And Izzie disappeared.

As Izzie disappeared, Meredith was mentally doing the math. She'd last seen Izzie almost five years ago. Her son is four years old. Of course, no one knew where Izzie had gone after she was fired. Meredith knew that it hadn't ended well for Alex and Izzie. Izzie had tried to reconcile with him, but he'd told her that he didn't deserve to be treated like she had treated him. After all, she had just disappeared without an explanation. Meredith didn't blame Alex for ending his marriage.

The last time Meredith saw Izzie was when she'd told her that she could have her job back. She'd agreed to allow Derek to turn Richard in if Izzie could have her job back. In the end, their deal was for nothing, because Izzie didn't want her job back. She wanted a new life, after breaking it off with Alex, so she'd left. Derek turned Richard in, and then took over as chief. April Kepner had, however, benefited from Derek's stepping up as chief, because she, too, had lost her job during the merger, and had regained it when Derek took over as chief.

It was all ancient history now. Derek stepped down as chief after the shooting, and life went on.

But what do you do when a piece of your past returns? It felt just like yesterday that Izzie had left. Although they were both older and wiser now, Izzie was still Izzie. Meredith knew Alex had been through so much in the past year, and she did worry about him. She'd been so busy with her own work and family that she hadn't been able to be there for him. Jo had come to her for advice on a few occasions, and she'd willingly offered it to her. Meredith liked Jo. She was different, but Jo and Alex seemed like such a nice fit. Their crazy suited each other, plus they were a cute couple.

As Meredith drowned in her thoughts, searching the hospital for her stray sister-in-law, she ran into Alex. She bit her lip. "Alex!" she gasped.

"Hey, Mer," Alex said, not looking up from his iPad.

"Hey, uh, have you seen Amelia? You know, Derek's sister, the one I was with this morning?"

"Oh, the doctor you told could have privileges in the hospital without Hunt's permission? Nope." Alex continued walking, and Meredith hustled after him. Alex turned around. "Can I help you with something?"

"I just thought we could catch up a little. We've both been so busy and haven't had a chance to talk lately," Meredith said, following behind Alex, who continued to focus on his iPad.

"Um, okay?"

"How are things with you and Jo?" Meredith asked, despite Alex's apparent disinterest in the conversation.

"Fine," Alex said. He stopped, looked up from his iPad, and raised an eyebrow at Meredith. "Why are you asking? Did Jo say something?"

"No, she didn't," Meredith said quickly. "Why would she say something? Is there something to tell?"

"Not that I'm aware of, but you never know with you damn women," Alex said. "You women think too much."

Meredith laughed. "It's part of the female brain. We're wired to overthink. So, you and Jo are good?"

"That's what I said," Alex said.

"Do you love her?"

Alex froze and widened his eyes. "Why are you asking me all these questions about Jo?"

"Oh, I just wondering, considering I was the one who told you her crazy fit yours. I'd like to take credit for planting the bug in your head." Meredith winked.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Mer," Alex laughed. "But yeah, we're good. You were right. Her crazy does fit my crazy. We're like a match made in Heaven, if you believe in all that Heaven crap. She's just different." Alex paused and added, "A good different."

"That's good." Meredith smirked as she put her hands on her hips. "I'm happy for you. Really, I am." She wanted to tell Alex about Izzie, but she bit her tongue. "Well, I should go find Amelia. Catch up later?" She ran toward the stairs. She'd just realized where Amelia was, and she didn't know why it hadn't hit her sooner.

"I'd say let's meet at Joe's later, but you have diapers to change!" Alex called after her, and Meredith sighed. Sometimes she missed pieces of her old life; going to Joe's after her shift ended just to have a few drinks with her friends. Times had changed, but there wasn't a moment she would trade her life now for back then. Her kids were her world, and that's all that mattered.

She couldn't stop thinking about Izzie and the information she'd learned today. What if Blake was Alex's son? Meredith hadn't even met the kid yet, though part of her wanted to run down to the daycare right now to scope the room for a mini-Alex.

_The kid might not even be his_, Meredith thought and partially hoped. Alex seemed happy now, and despite all the drama he'd gone through with his father this year, he was doing well. Jo did seem good for him, and Meredith would hate to see that relationship tear apart because Izzie was back and was about to drop the "_Meet your son you never knew you had"_ bombshell on him. Poor Alex.


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith wasn't surprised when her theory of Amelia's whereabouts checked out. She found Amelia in Stacy Meyer's hospital room.

"Amelia!" Meredith cried, entering the room. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I'm right here," Amelia said. "Meredith, can I have a word with you outside?" She gestured for Meredith to follow her out of the patient's room. Meredith sensed the grim expression on Amelia's face. "I just ran another CT," Amelia whispered. "The tumor - it's grown since this morning. If I don't get in there soon, she doesn't have a chance."

"Well, lucky for you, it was Hunt who paged me, and he told Nelson to take a hike. He wants you to be as aggressive as possible with your treatment for Stacy," Meredith informed Amelia.

"That's great. Now, book me an O.R.," Amelia said.

"You're sure that you can do this?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I'm sure. I'm a neurosurgeon. It's what I do best. I've had a lot of success with this procedure. I've done more complicated procedures when I was high," Amelia rolled her eyes and noticed Meredith didn't find her comment funny. "Okay, I shouldn't joke about that."

"No, no you shouldn't. I mean, given the news you've just received, are you sure you can do this?" Meredith asked, looking at Amelia's belly.

"I'm sure," Amelia said confidently.

"I'm just saying, because Derek and I did a similar procedure, and it was at least an eight hour surgery," Meredith told her.

"You want in?" Amelia asked, raising an eyebrow.

Meredith clenched her fists together. It felt like eons since she'd had her hands on a good brain tumor, after all, she'd given up neuro two years ago when Derek decided he couldn't trust her at work, and she had decided that the only way they could stay together was if they didn't work together. Relationships were full of sacrifices.

As much as she loved her kids, she knew she made quite a few sacrifices for them. She'd forgotten all the cool surgeries happen at night. Sometimes she missed being a resident, trolling the halls of the hospital late at night or early in the morning for rare surgeries. That part of her life was long over.

"I have to get the kids home," Meredith replied.

"All right then. Your loss," Amelia sighed.

Meredith sent a text to book the O.R. for Amelia, and the same time, she witnessed Leah Murphy passing by. "Hey, Murphy!" Meredith called after the second-year resident. Murphy turned around.

"Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"Dr. Murphy, meet Dr. Amelia Shepherd. She's about to perform an inoperable surgery and is in need of someone to scrub in. You in?"

"Wait, if it's inoperable…" Leah hesitated, then her eyes widened. "I mean, yes, of course I'm in."

"There you go." Meredith patted Amelia's shoulder. "Good luck." She handed over the patient's file to Amelia and then left the neurosurgeon and her new resident alone.

Meredith's thoughts continued to circle back to Alex and Izzie. She knew that if she went down to the daycare now, Zola and Bailey would think it was time to go home. It was three o'clock. Technically, Meredith knew that she could clock out now if she wanted. Or, she could go find a new patient. She hadn't been paged, so that meant no one was critical condition. The residents and interns were generally the first to see the new patients, and then they paged an attending if it was critical. She hadn't been paged. No one was critical. Still, she knew that if she went down to the E.R. now, someone would see her and pull her into a case, and then she could end up being at the hospital later than she initially planned. If she could help it, Meredith tried to avoid seeing new patients after two. She scheduled all her surgeries early in the morning. In an ideal world, she would take the kids home every day at three o'clock. It wasn't an ideal world, though. No matter how hard she tried to get out of the hospital by early afternoon or evening, something always came up.

She needed to tell someone about Izzie's son, and Derek wasn't available. It was three o'clock in Seattle, which meant it was six o'clock in D.C. She imagined Derek was eating dinner and just hadn't had the time to call her back. She pulled out her phone and called Derek, but instead, she received got his voicemail.

_Cristina_, Meredith thought. She hadn't realized how much she missed having Cristina around to bounce her feelings and thoughts off. She had Derek now, but talking to Derek wasn't the same as talking to Cristina. Sometimes Derek just looked bored when she went on her rants. Cristina never seemed bored with her rants. If she was, she didn't show it. Meredith missed being able to tell Cristina everything, and Cristina telling her everything. Even though half the time they weren't listening to each other, it was nice to be able to vent.

She did something she hadn't done in a while. She texted Cristina. _Meet me in 201. _Room 201 happened to be a supply closet.

Meredith opened the supply closet and waited. She knew Cristina would come. She always responded to her pages.

Sure enough, Cristina entered the closet three minutes later with shock written on her face. "I have to say, Mer, it's been a while since you've paged me to a supply closet."

"Yeah, well, Derek's out of town and…"

"Oh, so in other words, you need to talk to someone and I'm your last resort. Well, Izzie's back. Why don't you go talk to her?" Cristina turned around and Meredith grabbed Cristina's shoulder.

"Cristina," Meredith hissed. "You're not my last resort. I-I miss you."

"You miss me?" Cristina asked, half laughing.

"Of course I miss you. You're my best friend. We used to tell each other everything, and now we don't."

"Now you know how I feel," Cristina said slowly, turning back around and looking into Meredith's blue eyes. "You have McDreamy, and I have nada. Zilch. McDreamy's out of town, so you feel lonely. That's the only reason you're paging me now."

"It doesn't have to be like this," Meredith said. "I know we've both said things we didn't mean, and things are different now. But that doesn't mean we can't still be friends, because after all this, I still consider you my best friend. You're my person…that is, if you want to be."

Cristna looked down and nodded. "And I still consider you mine. You'll always be my person, but I'm not yours, Mer. Derek is, and you know it. Gosh, Mer, what is it? Why did you page me here?"

"It's Izzie," Meredith said carefully, trying to digest what Cristina had said. _You'll always be my person, but I'm not yours. Derek is. _She swallowed, realizing that Cristina was right. But she still cared deeply about Cristina, despite all that had happened.

"Yeah, she's back. I know. I was there, remember?"

"Did you know she has a son?" Meredith asked. She just wanted her Cristina back. The Cristina she could tell everything to. The Cristina she gossiped with. All was fun and games when they were being mean and gossiping about other people. It wasn't fun when they were at each other's throats, though.

"What?" Cristina's mouth formed a circle. "Well, that's awesome. That makes me the only one from our intern class who's not dead or doesn't have a kid...well, except Alex, but he has Jo...wait...how old did you say her kid is?"

"He's four, Cristina," Meredith said softly, unsure why Cristina cared if she was the only one from their intern class who didn't have a kid. She'd been so adamant about not having kids.

"Oh, crap," Cristina's eyes widened. "Does Alex know?" Meredith shook her head. "Someone has to tell him."

"Cristina, no!" Meredith gasped. "We don't even know if it's his."

"Well, let's march down to that daycare right now and see if we can spot a miniature Alex roaming around," Cristina rolled her eyes. "If Alex has a kid, he has a right to know."

"I know," Meredith said. "But we can't say anything. It's not our place. It's Izzie's, and if the kid is his, then she'll tell him eventually. Like I said, it might not even be his."

"He's four years old, Mer," Cristina said. "Izzie wasn't a ho like you and I. Alex and," Cristina's nose scrunched up, "George were the only guys she slept with during the whole time we knew her. I mean, unless you count Denny's ghost. Hey, maybe Denny's ghost is the kid's dad."

Meredith burst into laughter. "Oh, Cristina, I've missed you." She wrapped her arm around Cristina's shoulder.

"So, are we going to go look or what?" Cristina asked.

"I was going to try to take the kids home early today anyway," Meredith admitted, and she and Cristina left the supply closet and began heading toward the daycare. As they walked down the stairs, they ran into April.

"Meredith, where have you _been_? I've been paging you all day, and you haven't responded. Bailey is not happy with you right now," Kepner shook her head.

Meredith look down at her phone. She didn't have any missed calls. "I haven't gotten any of your messages. See?" She showed Kepner her phone.

"Well, that's just weird!" April shrieked. "Stupid technology."

"You're telling me. You might want to get your phone looked at, because Hunt had no problem paging me today," Meredith insisted.

"Well, do you have a moment?" April asked.

"No, she doesn't. She's busy," Cristina said, taking Meredith's hand and pulling her down the stairs.

"I see you two are buddy-buddy again!" April hollered after Cristina and Meredith as the two laughed and ran away from Kepner.

"Maybe I should have helped her?" Meredith insisted once they were out of Kepner's ear range.

"Nah, she was probably lying about paging you anyway. She just wanted attention. It is Kepner, after all," Cristina said.

"Hey, she's not _that _bad. And she did have us as bridesmaids at her wedding," Meredith pointed out.

"Don't remind me of that," Cristina sighed. It really wasn't a pleasant memory, especially since it had ended in disaster - with Jackson confessing his love to April in the middle of the ceremony. He would soon regret that decision, when April ran down the aisle in tears, then called off the wedding. All the money her parents had put into her wedding went to waste, and Meredith did sympathize for Matthew and Stephanie. Meredith was impressed with how maturely Stephanie had handled it, though. It was almost like she'd seen it coming.

Everyone knew that Jackson and April were meant to be, but April was livid with Jackson after what he did. She said that he should have told her sooner - much sooner, because now she was humiliated. Over all, April had a good conscience. She always did mean well, and she hadn't wanted to hurt Matthew. Not like that.

Recently, Meredith had witnessed April and Jackson talking in the E.R. They were pretty close to each other physically, so she sensed April was on the path to forgiving Jackson. Meredith had a feeling that after what happened last time, though, April wouldn't ask her and Cristina to be her bridesmaids at her next wedding. Though, her sisters were certainly characters themselves. Meredith couldn't blame April for wanting to fire them.

They'd only been standing outside the daycare window for a few minutes when Cristina gasped, "It's him!" She pointed at a little boy who was playing with Sofia and Zola. He had light brown hair and brown eyes. Meredith hadn't noticed the boy before, so she was surprised to see that he was playing with her daughter. He was about the same height as Zola as well. The boy did bear an uncanny resemblance to Alex, though it was possible she was imagining it.

"You're sure?" Meredith whispered.

"That kid has Alex written all over him," Cristina said flatly. "I have to tell him."

"No!" Meredith gasped. "Cristina, you cannot tell him. He doesn't even know Izzie's back." Meredith's phone started vibrating in her pocket. The caller I.D. read _Derek Shepherd. _"It's Derek. I have to take this."

"Okay, whatever. I won't tell him," Cristina said, disappearing as Meredith answered her phone.

"Hey, Derek," Meredith said.

"Mer, I'm sorry I didn't call you back sooner. I meant to, but you'll never guess who I had dinner with tonight."

"The president?" Meredith asked.

"Close. The vice president," Derek answered.

"Wow. Congratulations. I'm so jealous," Meredith laughed, though really she wasn't. Politicians were all compulsive liars, and truth be told, she had no interest in meeting anyone in the White House.

"I'm sensing sarcasm. Anyway, what's up? How are the kids?" Derek asked.

"I'm looking at them right now, and they seem fine. It looks like Zola and Sofia have made a new friend," Meredith said, deciding she would tell him about Izzie, but she wouldn't tell him _how _she'd found out Izzie was back.

"Oh?"

"Derek, Izzie's back," Meredith whispered, looking around, hoping Alex wasn't nearby.

"What?"

"She's an attending in gynecology now. I, uh, ran into her today," Meredith said, reluctant to tell Derek the real reason she'd crossed paths with Izzie Stevens today.

"Wait, what were you doing over in gynecology?" Derek asked. "Meredith, are you trying to tell me something?"

She gasped, not expecting that response from her husband. Derek was the second person today to ask if she was pregnant. "No!" she cried. "No, no. Absolutely not. I was just passing by and ran into her is all." It was only a minor fib.

"Oh." She felt as though she was sensing _disappointment _in his voice.

"Wait, are you trying to tell me you want another baby?" Meredith asked, alarmed.

"It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world," Derek said. "And we used to joke about having a large family."

"Says the man who gets to have dinner with the President of the United States while his wife gives up her research and stays home with the kids," Meredith replied dryly.

"Okay, okay. I get it. We do have our hands full right now, though I'll be home tomorrow, and it's not like I'm going to be traveling that often. I know you're busy, and I'll try to make it up to you. Okay? I love you, Meredith."

"And I love you," Meredith said. "But we're not making more babies right now."

"Well, of course we're not. I'm on the other side of the country," Derek laughed.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," Meredith scolded. She felt like she was scolding one of the kids. She almost never used his full name.

"Okay, okay. No more babies, for now," Derek sighed with disappointment.

"Why do you sound so disappointed?" Meredith asked. "I mean, it's a miracle that I even got pregnant in the first place. The odds of it happening again have to be like next to zero."

"I wouldn't say that," Derek laughed. "Maybe I just have magic swimmers."

"Derek!" Meredith gasped and then laughed.

"Meredith, if you were pregnant again, I would be willing to give up my career and stay home with the kids," Derek said. "I've done wonderful things already. Your career is just beginning."

"Yeah, and I've heard that before, and you're in Washington D.C., and I'm here. How are you going to tell the President of the United States that you're done?" Meredith asked. "It's like Owen told you. You don't say no to the president."

"Do you think I like being here?" Derek asked. "I would much rather be there with you, Zola, and Bailey. I really don't want to fight with you about it anymore."

She'd given Derek an earful when she'd first heard about the president's offer. She'd told him that he had to say no. He couldn't take it. Their schedule had been working out so well. Derek was spending most of his time with his research, and she was able to start her own research. Of course, shit hit the fan when Cristina started using the 3D printer for her own patient and was successful, while Meredith ceased to make much progress. The last year felt like such a waste, and Meredith didn't want to waste anymore time. She felt like she only had a few years left to have a break-through of some type, before the current residents became attendings and started having their major medical breakthroughs, overshadowing hers. Derek had already published a study. He'd already seen success. That's why the president was interested in him in the first place. If she didn't make progress now, she was just screwed.

One thing was for certain, she couldn't afford another baby.

"I miss you," she told Derek.

"I'll see you tomorrow, and we'll talk tonight, right? I can't wait to see Zo and Bailey again. Last night was so much fun."

"Yeah, of course we can talk tonight," Meredith said, then she remembered Amelia. Amelia would probably be in surgery until late that night, so Meredith wasn't sure if Amelia planned on coming to the house or not. "There's one more thing I should tell you, Derek."

"What's that?"

"Your sister is in Seattle."


	8. Chapter 8

There was a deafening silence. Meredith looked through the window at her daughter, who hadn't noticed that her mother was standing outside the door. She scanned the room for her who son, who she found on the other side of the room snuggling a teddy bear. Another dark skinned boy was sitting next to him; Meredith knew he was the son of a scrub nurse. She believed his name was Nathaniel.

"Which one?" Derek finally asked; his voice raspy. Meredith knew that Derek hated when his sisters showed up, particularly when they showed up unannounced. "Did you forget I have a pack of sisters?"

"It's Amelia," Meredith said blandly, as if it were no big deal.

"Okay?" Derek's voice hinted obvious confusion. "Why? What's she doing in Seattle?"

Meredith knew that was coming as well, and she knew she couldn't lie to her husband, so she prepared to tell him the truth, managing to leave out to leave out the detail about the baby.

"She's here to help you," Meredith said.

"What?"

"She heard about your work with the president and thought we could use some help in Seattle. I guess she took a leave of absence from her job in L.A. and is going to ask Hunt for temporary position here, and I'm sure he won't decline. With your research and traveling now, Dr. Nelson is overbooked."

"Tell her to go home." Derek's voice rose. "Tell her to go home _now_."

"Oh, come on, Derek. She's just trying to help," Meredith insisted.

"I don't care if she's just trying to help. She has her own life to worry about. Trust me, Mer, we really don't want her butting into ours," Derek said harshly.

"I have to say, she was really good with our son this morning. I was actually able to take a decent length shower this morning," Meredith admitted.

"Wait? She was at the house this morning? When did she arrive?" Meredith didn't respond and Derek continued, "She was there last night, wasn't she? That's why you were acting weird. _Shit_." He'd just realized that she had overheard his dirty talk.

"Yes, Derek," Meredith sighed. "She was there last night." She looked through the window and noticed that Zola was waving at her. "Look, Derek. I have to go. I want to get the kids home at a decent time today."

"We're not done talking about this," Derek growled, and Meredith ended the call. She knew he was right. They definitely weren't done talking about Amelia. In fact, their conversation had just begun.

She entered the daycare and Zola ran toward her. "Mama!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Meredith. "Time to go home?"

"Yes, baby girl," she said to the three-year-old. "It's time to go home." Meredith's eyes shifted toward Sofia and the little boy who was sitting next to her.

"Mama, this is Blake," Zola said, introducing Meredith to her new friend. _Blake_, Meredith repeated in her head, remembering that Izzie had said that she and Blake didn't live far from the hospital. Cristina had been spot on.

Meredith smiled, studying Blake. "It's nice to meet you, Blake."

"Your mommy's _very_ pretty," Blake said, rather so charmingly, to Zola. Meredith blushed slightly and thought, _This kid is so Alex_. "But why she gots light skin like me and you gots dark skin?"

"'Cause my mama and daddy adopted me!" Zola chimed. "'Cause they love me." Meredith and Derek knew it was very important for Zola to understand that even though she was adopted, and Bailey was their biological child, that they loved her very much, and that's why they adopted her. She understood that she hadn't come from Meredith's tummy, and they had specifically chosen her because she was special.

"That's right, Zozo," Meredith smiled, giving her little girl a hug. "Now, let's get ready to go home. I'm going to go get your brother, okay?"

Before picking up Bailey, she made a dash for the attendings' lounge to change out of her scrubs.

Bailey was elated to see his mother so early. The little boy's deep blue eyes lit up when he saw his mother walking toward him. Once she picked up Bailey and gathered the diaper bag, she returned to find Zola playing with Sofia and Blake again. When she saw her mother and brother, she dropped the toys in her hand and ran over to Meredith and Bailey. "I ready to go, Mama!"

"Good girl," Meredith smiled. "Bye, Sofia and Blake." She waved at her daughter's friends.

Sofia timidly looked away, but Blake waved. "Bye, Zoey!"

"See you 'morrow, Blakey!" Zola waved back. _Aw, they're so cute, _Meredith thought, glad that Izzie's son and her daughter were already hitting it off, though she was worried about Alex. There was no easy way for him to find out about Blake, and after meeting the kid, Meredith was ninety-nine percent confident he was Alex's son. All she had to do was get Izzie to admit it.

Meredith managed to hold Zola's hand and carry Bailey in the other arm, all while having a heavy diaper bag weighing her down. As she approached the hospital exit, she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Meredith Grey!"

Her heart sunk as she turned around to see Dr. Miranda Bailey coming toward her. Meredith remembered her run-in with Kepner earlier. _Dr. Bailey is not happy with you right now_, and she could sense that from Miranda Bailey's face right now. Her expression was stiff and her eyebrows narrow as the short woman walked toward her.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith hesitantly greeted her fellow attending and mentor.

"Where have you been all day? Kepner told me she paged you, but you never responded," Miranda Bailey said. "I have a twenty-two-year-old patient who specifically requested _you _or Derek Shepherd; she says she was your patient about seven years ago. She has a history of seizures; I removed her appendix today, though obviously you weren't available to answer your pages."

"Is her name Katie?" Meredith lifted a brow, remembering her first patient. "And I never _got _these pages. I swear. Look at my phone if you don't believe me. And if it was so dire, why didn't _you _page me?"

"Because I was in surgery!" Bailey snapped. "And yes, Katie Bryce. She said she was a former pageant competitor. Wasn't she your first patient? The name sounds familiar."

"Why does she want me anyway? She was a pain in the ass. She _hated _me and gave me hell," Meredith rolled her eyes. "She made me wish I'd never become a doctor in the first place, and on top of it all, she was my first patient."

"Maybe she wants to apologize? I don't know, but she's been asking for you all day. Her room is 320, if you give a rat's ass," Dr. Bailey said sharply.

Meredith looked down at her little girl, who tugged at her hand. "Can we go home, Mama?" the little girl whimpered.

Meredith sighed. "We will soon, baby, but first we're going to go visit someone, okay?" Zola stuck her lip out, pouting. She dragged Zola to the elevator. The strain from the baby and the diaper bag was causing her shoulder to ache. She was wishing now that Bailey could walk on his own too. _It's only a matter of time, _Meredith thought, looking down at her little boy, who rested his head against his mother's shoulder. Bailey was getting so big. It was hard to believe that he was already ten months old. Soon, he would be walking and talking all the time. It wouldn't be long before he was out of diapers and arguing with his sister. She had her hands full and couldn't imagine starting all over with a new baby. Small babies required so much attention; attention she definitely wasn't prepared for when Bailey was born. After all, Zola was already almost a year old when they'd adopted her. Taking care of a newborn and a one-year-old were complete different tasks. She was just grateful that Bailey slept through the night on most nights now. She couldn't imagine going back to waking up every couple hours.

She entered Katie's room with the kids, and the first thing she did was set the diaper bag down in the chair. Katie was using her iPad when Meredith entered.

"Dr. Grey?" Katie asked, setting her iPad down. "Is that you?"

"That's me," Meredith said. She was wearing her street clothes, so she didn't look like a doctor. "Well, Katie, you've grown up. Still doing pageants?"

Katie shook her head. "Nope. I teach dance now. Are these your children?"

Meredith nodded. "This is Zola," she looked down at her three-year-old and then looked at her son. "And my son, Bailey."

"You named your son after Dr. Bailey?" Katie laughed.

"She saved my life," Meredith replied quickly.

"Ah, then that makes two of us who named our children after the doctors who saved our lives," Katie smiled gently, grabbing her iPad again. She turned the iPad toward Meredith and a photo of a blonde haired toddler with bright, shining blue eyes appeared on the screen. "This is my daughter. Her name is Meredith. She's eighteen months old now."

Meredith's heart stopped for a moment as she looked at the sweet angel face. She stared in disbelief. After all, she hadn't actually saved Katie's life. Derek had. She had just watched. It was the first surgery she'd ever scrubbed in on. It was such a high, but she hadn't been the one to save Katie's life.

She and Cristina had worked together to determine what was actually wrong with Katie. Cristina had been so desperate to get in on that surgery. Hell, Meredith hadn't even wanted in on it. She wanted to avoid Derek then, after all she'd just found out that she'd slept with her boss. It was highly inappropriate, and then he continued to try to pursue her, even after finding out she was his intern.

All of that seemed like a million years ago now.

"She's beautiful," Meredith smiled. "Just like her mother."

Katie blushed. "Look, I know I wasn't the easiest patient. You must have hated me."

Meredith laughed. "I don't know if hate is the right word, but you definitely made me question my decision to become a doctor."

"Right, well, I was a bit of an unruly teen. I grew up, though," Katie said.

"I'm glad to hear that," Meredith said, chuckling lightly.

"I knew you and Dr. Shepherd would end up together. He was totally into you back then," Katie said suddenly, and Meredith raised an eyebrow, wondering if Dr. Bailey had said something about her and Derek, then Katie pointed to Bailey. "I'd recognize your son's eyes anywhere."

Meredith looked at her son's soft baby face. Derek always talked about how he looked so much like her, but he did have his father's eyes. His thin, wavy blond hair was all her, though. If he was lucky, his hair would darken and thicken like his father's when he grew older.

"Do you like cookies?" Zola asked suddenly, innocently peering toward Katie.

Katie laughed. "I love cookies."

"Do you want one?" Zola asked, reaching her hand in her pocket and, to Meredith's shock, she pulled out crumbs of a chocolate chip cookie. She handed the cookie crumbs to Katie. "They're really good."

"Zola, sweetie, where did those cookies come from?" Meredith asked, widening her eyes.

"Snack time," Zola answered. "I keeped them for later." Meredith noticed Katie giggling, and although she had to admit Zola sounded incredibly adorable, she wasn't amused by the melted chocolate mess.

Meredith scowled as Zola pulled out more of the cookie crumbs and stuffed them in her own mouth. "I'm so sorry," Meredith apologized as she saw the melted chocolate that covered her daughter's hand. She set her son on the floor and unzipped the diaper bag to pull out some baby wipes. She handed a wipe to Katie, then she wiped Zola's hand.

She was so preoccupied with Zola that she didn't notice her son had stood up. When she looked back toward Bailey, she saw Bailey holding onto a chair by himself. "Bailey!" she gasped, letting go of Zola and she rushed toward her son and picked him up. She released a sigh of relief. "Your daddy would _kill _me if you took your first steps before he got home."

Bailey babbled. "Da-da!"

Meredith looked back to Zola, who had taken out more crumbs from her pocket to eat. The chocolate was all over her face. "Oh, Zo." Meredith murmured. "We better get going." She turned toward Katie. "It was nice seeing you again."

"It was nice seeing you, too," Katie waved kindly as Meredith and the kids left the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful feedback. This chapter is intended to be loaded with cuteness. I know you're all waiting for Derek to return. His plane leaves D.C. in chapter 13. Although there are some very **_**interesting **_**MerDer scenes in the upcoming chapters while Derek is still in D.C.**

* * *

><p>Meredith Grey breathed a huge sigh of relief when she was able to get out of the hospital without further confrontation. The first thing she did when she got home was give Zola a bath while Bailey played in his playpen in the living room. As crazy as it sounded, she was already missing Amelia. She hated leaving her ten-month-old son unsupervised, but she knew she needed to tend to his sister. He was in the company of stuffed animals in his playpen.<p>

"Zola, darling, now you're not going to stuff the cookies from daycare into your pocket again, are you?" Meredith asked her little girl as she scrubbed the chocolate off Zola's face. She had managed to get the melted chocolate everywhere.

"No, Mama," Zola said softly. She wiggled her nose.

"And why not?"

"Because they're messy," Zola replied simply. Meredith grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Zola as she pulled her out of the tub. She took Zola's little bathrobe that hung behind the door and helped Zola put it on. Then, she took Zola to her bedroom.

"Okay, Zo. Do you want to wear your purple sparkly PJs or your pink fairy PJs?" she asked Zola as she opened up the little girl's closet.. Meredith had recently read an article about how important it was for children Zola's ages to be given choices. The article talked about how it was important not to offer limitless option.

"I wanna wear butterfly costume," Zola said, pointing to the costume hanging in the back of the closet. It was the costume she wore for Halloween, which Meredith was certain was too small for her now. Zola had certainly grown since October.

"Sweetie, it isn't Halloween, and you're too big for that costume now," Meredith explained.

"I wanna wear purple butterfly costume!" Zola exclaimed, sticking her lip out in a pout.

"But it's too small for you, sweetheart," Meredith said. "And it isn't Halloween."

Zola continued to pout. She crossed her arms and started to cry, and finally Meredith released a sigh. "Okay, you can wear it." She only said because she knew that once Zola saw the outfit was too small for her, she would be forced to change. She took the costume off its hanger and started to help Zola into the costume, which, as Meredith had predicted, was much too tight for Zola to fit in comfortably. "See, Zo?"

"It's too tight." Zola curled her lip rather preciously.

"But your PJs aren't. Do you want to wear pink or purple?"

"Purple," Zola said, and Meredith wasn't surprised. Purple was Zola's favorite color.

Just as she started to help Zola out of the tight costume, she heard her cell phone's text chime go off. Shortly after, she heard Bailey scream. She helped Zola put on her shirt quickly, and handed Zola her pajama pants. "Do you think you can put on your pants, sweetie?"

Zola nodded as she took the pants from her mother's arms, and Meredith ran out of the room. "Oh, Bailey," she said soothingly, picking up the little boy from his crib. "Did Mommy's phone scare you?" She looked into his wet eyes. His tears slowed as his mother rubbed his back. In the meantime, she reached over and picked up her phone off the end table. _New Text Message_, she read the notification and slid her finger over the lock screen to read the text.

_It's Izzie. Just got off work. Want to catch up? _

She sighed. Rather than texting Izzie back, she hit _Call_. Meredith preferred talking on the phone over texting any day. It certainly faster, and Meredith preferred to be able to hear the other person's tone. It was so easy to misread a person's true intentions in a text, because you couldn't hear the tone of their voice. Specifically, it was easy to miss sarcasm.

The phone rang three times before Izzie's picked up. "Mer?"

"Hey, Iz," Meredith said. "So, you want to catch up?"

"Yeah, I mean, why not? I can come over to your house. You know, I kind of missing living with you sometimes. Life was, even though I didn't realize think so at the time, so simple then," Izzie said.

"Well, you do know I don't live in my old house anymore, right?"

"What? Seriously?" Izzie gasped. "Derek built you that dream house, didn't he?"

"He did," Meredith said. "It's not far from where his trailer was, actually, since it's on the same land. You can actually see the house from the trailer. Owen lives there now." Meredith bit her lip. She would eventually tell Izzie that Alex lived in her old house.

"Oh, well. I remember how to get there, I think, so I could come out. I can't wait to meet your daughter! I bet she's gorgeous."

"Oh, she is," Meredith assured. "And, yeah, that's fine with me. Oh, I have a son as well."

"Wow, Mer. You and McDreamy have been busy! Does he have McDreamy hair?"

Meredith chuckled lightly. "Actually, unfortunately for him, he looks more like me. He has Derek's eyes, though. But he's only ten months old, so there's still hope for him." Meredith looked at the little guy in her arms, who was now sucking on his thumb. He was precious.

"I bet he's precious. Wow, things really have changed around here since I left…" Izzie trailed. "Well, I'll see you in a little bit."

Izzie hung up, and Meredith cradled Bailey. "That was a really old friend of your mommy's, Bailey," Meredith explained in higher pitched, child-like voice to her son. "She's coming over soon. I'm sure you'll love her. But first, let's go check on your sister." She went into Zola's room, expecting to see her daughter fully dressed in her purple pajamas, but instead, to her surprise, she found Zola wearing her purple tutu. Zola had taken a few dance lessons last fall, which she'd absolutely loved, but it had become too much for her and Derek to get Zola to the lessons, so they hadn't been able to register her for the spring session. Zola was really disappointed, but they'd told her that perhaps she could take them over the summer.

"Lookie me, Mommy. I'm a ballewina!" Zola exclaimed; she put her hands above head and twirled around.

Meredith couldn't help but chuckle. "Why, yes you are, Zozo."

"I like dancing!" Zola announced as she continued to dance around. She was adorable and Meredith took a seat on Zola's big girl bed. She had recently graduated into a twin bed. Meredith let out a sigh; her little girl was growing up so fast. It wouldn't be long before she was in school, and the rest would be history. She knew that these were the moments she would cherish forever, and she was grateful to be with Zola.

"You're a great dancer," Meredith told her daughter. "But you have to get dressed. Do you remember your friend Blake from daycare?"

"Yes!" Zola nodded.

"Well, as it turns out, his mommy and I are old friends, and she's on her way over right now, and she's bringing Blake with her. You're going to get to play with him for a little while."

"Yay!" Zola clapped her hands cheerfully. She stripped off her tutu and started to help herself into her purple pajamas pants. Meredith was tempted to offer to help, but she held back. She knew it was time that Zola learned to dress herself. After all, she had managed to get into her tutu by herself.

Bailey squirmed in her arms, so she set him down on the floor. He crawled over to his sister's dollhouse. Meredith watched him closely, to make sure he didn't put anything in his mouth. When Zola was finished getting dressed - which she did all by herself - she joined Bailey. She wrapped her arms around Bailey and Meredith smiled. She still had her phone in her hand, so she started taking pictures. She'd captured the perfect moment, with Zola hugging Bailey in front of the dollhouse. Both were looking straight at the camera. Meredith decided it was the perfect photo to send to Instagram.

She loaded the app. She'd had Instagram for several months now, but she didn't use it often. She'd posted a few pictures of the kids and of her and Derek. When she opened the app, she scrolled down and saw that Derek had posted a few photos. Meredith had recently introduced him to the app as well, when he got his new phone. He thought it was cool that you could adjust the lighting of the photos. She saw his photo of the White House, and then next he had posted a selfie of Callie and him with the caption "Off to meet the president." The photo had been posted yesterday. She noticed how Callie's and Derek's eyes were both glowing. They looked so happy, and looking at the photo just caused Meredith to miss Derek more. _He must not be too happy, or he wouldn't be coming home early, _Meredith thought, trying not to be too jealous of Callie. She knew that Callie and Derek were just friends.

She posted the photo, and after it uploaded successfully, she accidentally clicked on the _News _tab and was surprised when she saw that Derek had liked a few photos. Her eyes widened when she saw whose photos they were: _AddieAdrianne_. Addison. She clicked on the first photo that Derek had liked and saw a photo of Addison, snuggling a toddler. It was the first picture Meredith had seen of Addison's adopted son. She had to admit the picture was indeed adorable. The next picture was a picture of a cat; Meredith imagined it was Addison's. However, it was the third photo that bothered her. It was a picture of Addison...alone. A selfie. Meredith's heart race. _He loves me, _she told herself. _He's with me_. Why did this even bother her?

"Mommy, come play with us." Zola said. "Let's play doctor." She grabbed her toy doctor set from under and pulled out her plastic stethoscope and turned to down Bailey. "Take deep breath, Bailey. I gonna check your heart." Meredith smiled as she slid off the bed and sat on the floor. She noticed Zola was placing chest piece on Zola's stomach. Zola looked at Meredith. "Mommy, I can't hear his heart. I think he dead." Zola's eyes widened. Meredith chuckled.

"Zo, that's not where his heart is. Let me show you," she said, and she moved the chest piece over his heart. "Can you hear it now?"

Zola's widened. "I hear it! He's ALIVE!" The little girl's face lit up. Then the doorbell rang. "Blakey here?" Zola smiled and set the stethoscope down. she ran out of the room. Meredith quickly picked up Bailey and followed her daughter to front door. Through the window, she could see Izzie holding Blake's hand. Blake was wearing a black leather jacket.

Meredith unlocked the door - she always kept it locked when she was home alone - and greeted Izzie and Blake. "Hey, Iz." She smiled warmly, and Zola waved at Blake.

"Hey, Mer," Izzie smiled.

"Hi, Blakey!" Zola smiled happily, spreading her arms and giving Blake a big hug.

"Zoey!" Blake exclaimed.

"Wait, they've already met?" Izzie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"They were playing when I picked Zola up from daycare. Come on in." Meredith motioned for Izzie and Blake to come in the house."Zola, this is Izzie. Blake's mom. She's one of my old friends," Meredith told Zola. Zola twirled her hair and timidly looked at Izzie. "She's not usually this quiet," she told Izzie, and Izzie laughed.

"Wow, what a nice house," Izzie said as she entered the house. "I love the wood floors."

"Let's go play!" Zola insisted, grabbing Blake's hand and taking him toward her playroom.

"Well, the credit all goes to Derek. I didn't do a damn thing," Meredith laughed. "I just live here." She guided Izzie into the living room and motioned for her to take a seat. "Can I get you anything to drink? We have...uh, water, orange juice, and milk. Sorry, no tequila."

Izzie laughed. "I'm good, actually." She then met eyes with Meredith and sighed. "You know, you're really lucky. Derek is a great guy, and I'm sure he's an awesome father. Your kids are lucky to have him as their dad." And she looked at Bailey. "And who's this little prince? I can't say we've met."

"This is Derek Bailey Shepherd, but he's better known as Bailey," Meredith introduced Izzie to her son.

"Wow, you named your kid after Dr. Bailey? Seriously?" Izzie burst into laughter.

"She's saved my life on multiple occasions," Meredith said. "I guess I owed it to her because without her, I wouldn't be here and neither would my son."

"_Okay_. Well, I named Blake after a country singer, so I guess I don't have a ton of room to talk," Izzie laughed. "So, that's the Nazi, Jr., then?"

"Dr. Bailey hasn't been _the Nazi _in a long time," Meredith confided. "Oh, but did you hear what the new interns and residents are calling me?" Izzie shook her head, and Meredith smiled, "Medusa."

Izzie laughed. "The Greek monster who had venomous snakes for hair? Why would they call you that? You're like the anti-Medusa. Sorry, Mer, I just can't see it. You're too nice."

"I'm definitely not as nice as I used to be be," Meredith said firmly. "Honestly, I don't blame them for calling me Medusa, especially last year, before I found out I was pregnant." She sighed, then admitted, "I wasn't in a great place."

Izzie frowned. "I'm sorry to bring it up, and you don't have to talk about it if you don't want, but when was the plane crash?"

Meredith exhaled through her nose. "Two years ago this June." She swallowed the spit in her throat. Meredith couldn't believe it was nearly two years ago she'd lost her sister. She looked up at the picture of Lexie and Zola on the mantel. Zola had the biggest smile on her face, and Lexie did too. Lexie adored Zola, and Zola loved her aunt. She then looked at Bailey, who had his tiny hand curled around her finger. It was a shame that Lexie would never get to meet Bailey. She would have loved him too.

Sometimes Meredith found herself wondering what would have happened if things had gone differently. What if Mark and Lexie hadn't died? What if they'd gotten back together? Meredith thought about how Mark and Lexie's kids would play with hers. They would have been so perfect. So adorable.

But Mark and Lexie were dead, and Meredith missed them every day. She knew Derek missed them too, but they didn't talk about it. There was too much pain and sorrow there. Meredith didn't want to think about it. Instead, she wanted to enjoy the life she had now. She wanted to enjoy her kids' childhoods. That's what mattered now. She missed Mark and Lexie, but they were gone. Zola and Bailey were here. Alive and well. They were what was important.

"Gosh, Mer. That must have been really hard on you. I know you were starting to grow closer to her around the time I left," Izzie said, and Meredith noticed Izzie's eyes turning toward the mantel.

"I don't really talk about it." Meredith hugged her son as chills ran down her spine.

"Right, yeah. I'm sorry for bringing it up. I was just curious."

"It's okay." Meredith exasperated a sigh. "Really, it's fine."

Zola and Blake ran into the living room, and Blake held his arm up to his mother. "Look at my awesome tattoo, Mommy!" he cried, and Meredith's eyes widened as she saw the little purple heart on the kid's arm. Zola had just learned how to draw a heart, and she was drawing them everywhere now.

"Zola, did you do that?" Meredith asked her daughter, who timidly nodded. Meredith released a sigh. "All her markers are washable, I swear."

"It's fine," Izzie chucked. "I think you did a beautiful job, Zola."

"Thank you," Zola smiled shyly. "Can we play doctor on Bailey?" Zola asked her mom.

"If you bring the doctor equipment out here, you can," Meredith told Zola; she didn't like the idea of Zola and Blake taking Bailey out of her sight. She knew Zola would never intentionally hurt her brother, but she was still three years old, and Blake was four. Bailey was still little; who knew what a three- and four-year-old were capable of doing to him. Bottom line: she didn't want him out of her sight.

"Okay!" Zola chimed, and she ran back into her room. Blake followed.

"So," Meredith said slowly, avoiding eye contact with Izzie. "That brings me to my question. When are you going to tell Alex?"


	10. Chapter 10

Izzie's face immediately froze. Meredith noticed her former roommate's hands clamming and sweat dripped down her face. "T-Tell Alex what?" Izzie stuttered.

"You know what I mean," Meredith replied. "That's why you're back, isn't it?"

"I seriously don't know what you're talking about," Izzie insisted. Her face reddened and she appeared to be avoiding eye contact with Meredith. Sweat was dripping from her forehead. Meredith could tell she was lying.

"If you don't know what I'm talking about, why are you sweating like a dog? Come on, Iz. You know you don't have to lie to me. I'm not going to tell anyone," Meredith said, though she was reluctant to mention the fact that Cristina already knew and had threatened to tell Alex. _Cristina wouldn't, _Meredith thought.

"Okay," Izzie exasperated a sigh. "Blake is Alex's. I found out I was pregnant shortly before I came back. I planned to tell Alex, and as I was about to tell him, he...he told me that he deserved better, so I left. I started over. And then I had Blake, and now he's the light of my world. I wouldn't change what I did, Mer."

"Kids have that effect on mothers," Meredith commented, looking at her own son.

"I've wanted to tell Alex all along, but we didn't exactly end on a good note. Now, Blake is at an age where he's going to start remembering things. He asked me about his dad for the first time about a month ago. I didn't know what to tell him." Izzie released a dismal sigh.

"What did you tell him?" Meredith asked.

"I couldn't lie to him," Izzie sighed, "so I told him that his daddy worked somewhere far away. Then he asked if his daddy didn't want him. I told him that his daddy wanted him very much, and he would see him someday. And...then I saw the advertisement for the job here. Of course, I didn't even know if Alex still worked here, but I knew that someone would know where he was nonetheless, so I applied for the position." Izzie paused, and locked eyes Meredith. A tear formed in her eye. "When I first saw the hospital had been renamed _Grey Sloan Memorial_, my first thought was that something had happened to you. I started crying."

"Well, I'm right here," Meredith sighed.

"And I'm glad you are. I mean...I don't mean that I'm glad it was Lexie and not you…" Meredith's face froze. "I should probably just shut up."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed softly.

Zola and Blake ran back into the room, holding the toy doctor bag. Zola smiled at her brother. "Bailey, your doctors are here!" She reached out her arms, and Meredith gently handed her son over to his sister.

"Be gentle with him, Zo," Meredith told her daughter.

"Don't worry, Mommy!" Zola giggled, gently setting her brother on the floor. She also took a pillow off the couch and put it behind Bailey's head.

_Don't worry? _Meredith's eyes widened. Worrying was all she did. It was all she she ever did. She worried about Zola and Bailey. She worried about Derek, especially now that he was traveling more. What if there was another plane crash and he wasn't lucky enough to survive? This time, she wouldn't be with him. She wouldn't be able snuggle next to him in the cold, dark nights as he waited for search and rescue. What if he found someone else to snuggle next to?

Meredith was beginning to think _worry _was her middle name. Meredith Worry Grey. It suited her well.

"Hi, Bailey. I'm Dr. Blake. I'm gonna take good care of you," Blake said, putting the stethoscope around his neck. Bailey giggled. "First, I need to check your heart." Blake pressed the heart chest piece against Bailey's chest and listened. Meredith and Izzie both smiled as they watched the incredibly serious expression on Blake's face. He turned to Zola. "Dr. Zola, I think we're gonna need to do heart surgery on Bailey. Get ready to scrub in with me!"

"All right, Doctor!" Zola replied, and she ran into the kitchen. She took the step stool that she used to reach the sink. She turned on the water and began scrubbing her hands. Blake also ran over and washed his hands.

"We're ready to operate!" Blake announced.

"It's a bootiful day to save lives!" Zola mimicked her father, and Izzie chuckled. Meredith had been the one to teach Zola her daddy's special tagline that he used before each surgery. Derek had been absolutely tickled to death the first time he heard his daughter say it.

"Doctors, where are your gloves, now?" Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow. "You don't want to pass along any germs to your patient."

"We don't got any," Blake said.

Meredith went into the kitchen and pulled out two sets of plastic gloves. They would be a little big for Zola and Blake, but they were good enough to play along. She handed the gloves to the kids, who eagerly put them on. Izzie and Meredith both giggled at how adorable the kids looked in the oversized gloves. Meredith pulled out her phone. "Kids, smile for the camera," Meredith said, and Zola and Blake both looked at Meredith so she could get a few cute pictures.

She and Izzie watched as Blake and Zola performed "open heart surgery" on Bailey, who was surprisingly content through the whole process. Izzie and Meredith both took lots of pictures of the kids playing.

"It's moments like these that make me so grateful for everything that's happened. I wouldn't change my life now for the world," Izzie said softly.

"I know what you mean," Meredith said. "We do have the life."

"I'm glad that Blake has a friend," Izzie said. "I'm even more glad that it's your daughter."

"They'll be good friends," Meredith nodded.

"Who knows, maybe we'll be in-laws one day," Izzie laughed.

Meredith's eyes widened. "Well, technically, _we _wouldn't be in-laws. We'd be in-laws to each other's kids. But I don't want to think about that right now." Meredith chuckled. "Let's just enjoy their childhood."

"Agreed," Izzie nodded her head. "The thought of him getting any older is terrifying me. I can't believe he's already four. He'll be in kindergarten next year. Before I know it, he'll be dating and shutting me out of his life like I did my parents."

"Maybe not," Meredith said. "I mean, maybe he won't shut you out of your life. Maybe you'll have a close relationship."

"I hope," Izzie sighed. "He says he loves me now, but we all told our parents that we'd never tell them we hated them at one point."

"I didn't," Meredith chuckled. "I think I first told my mom I hated her when I was three."

It was getting dark out. Meredith checked the time on her phone. Seven o'clock. That meant it was already ten o'clock on the east coast. Where was Derek? She was surprised he hadn't called her already. Just as the thought crossed her mind, her phone started ringing. Derek's face appeared on her screen. "Hey, Derek," she answered the phone.

"Hey, so did you tell my sister to go home?" Derek asked, immediately jumping back on that horse.

Meredith sighed. He hadn't let that go, though she hadn't expected him to. "You know the answer to that. We can talk about it later, okay, Derek?"

"You mean to tell me she's there right now? I've left voicemails and text messages on her phone. She's not responding," Derek said.

"She's in a surgery. You'd be proud of her, I think. She stole one of Shadow Shepherd's patients after he told the patient her tumor was inoperable."

"Of course she is," Derek scowled, but then his tone softened, "Oh, did she?" Then he bitterly added, "As long as she doesn't kill the patient. I don't need her ruining the Shepherd name."

"Derek," Meredith scolded her husband. "How many patients have _you _taken on after they were told their tumor was inoperable? Don't even go there. Shadow Shepherd thinks you're having a competition to see who can kill the most patients."

"Of course he does," Derek murmured, then sighed, "So, what are you doing right now?"

"I'm sitting here with Izzie right now watching our kids play. We're having lots of fun, and you should be jealous."

"Oh, I am," Derek laughed.

"I've got a bunch of new pictures that you're going to be dying to see. Oh, I posted one on Instagram…" She trailed off, remembering the activity she had seen from Derek's account involving his ex-wife. She wasn't going to say anything right now, though. She would wait until later; after Izzie left and the kids were in bed.

"I wanna say hi to Daddy!" Zola bounced off the floor, leaving her patient behind.

"He's gonna bleed out!" Blake called out, but Zola ignored him. She grabbed the phone from Meredith.

"Hi, Daddy! I wove you!" Zola exclaimed. Meredith didn't hear what Derek said, but she imagined that he told her that he loved her too. "Yes, I'm being a good girl! Here's Mommy back!" And she handed her phone back to her mother and ran back over to Blake and Bailey.

"I'm back," she laughed. "Want to say hi to Izzie?" She hit the speaker button and turned the phone toward Izzie.

"Hey, McDreamy!" Izzie called into the phone.

She heard Derek say, "How's it going, Izzie?"

"Oh, it's going pretty well," Izzie replied. "Happy to be back in Seattle. I missed your wife."

"So, you know how I feel right now," Derek laughed. Zola and Blake were conversing about how to save Bailey's life. Derek could apparently hear them. "Do I hear another kid in the background, or did Bailey start talking in full sentences while I've been gone?"

"No, that's my son," Izzie enlightened Derek. Meredith remembered that she hadn't told Derek about Blake when they were on the phone earlier. She'd originally planned to, but the conversation had been side-tracked by the idea of having another child and then Amelia. If only Derek knew Amelia's _real _intentions for being in Seattle.

"Your son?" Derek's voice rattled with surprise.

"Yeah, and it is getting late," Izzie commented, then looked at Blake. "Blake, I think it's time to say goodbye to Zola. We need to go home now."

Blake frowned. "But I don't wanna go."

"It's almost your bedtime, and I'm sure Zola wants to talk to her daddy," Izzie told Blake.

Blake stuck out his lip, pouting. "Okay, Mommy." He turned to Zola and wrapped his arms around her. "I had fun!" And then he looked at Bailey. "You're all better now, Bailey!" Bailey cooed, and then Blake gave Bailey a hug too.

Izzie laughed. "You'll see Bailey and Zola tomorrow at daycare, Blake."

"Yay!" Blake chimed as he stood and ran over to his mother.

Izzie sighed, looking at Meredith. "It was nice catching up with you." She paused and softened her voice, "And, uh, I'll tell him soon." Meredith knew that she was talking about Alex. She then rose her voice, "It was nice talking to you too, McDreamy! I'm sure I'll see you soon."

Derek's laugh rattled through the receiver; he was still on speaker. "Bye, Izzie! I'll be back tomorrow, so I'm sure we'll have a run-in sooner or later."

Meredith nodded, and waved goodbye to Blake and Izzie. "Okay, they're gone," she told Derek.

"Do you want to FaceTalk?" Derek asked.

Meredith laughed and corrected her husband, again, "FaceTime, and sure. Let me grab my iPad." She watched the kids through the corner of her as walked across the room to take her iPad out of her work bag. She saw Zola was tickling Bailey, and he was giggling uncontrollably. She walked back to the couch and said, "Okay, kids. I'm going to call your daddy."

"Yay!" Zola stood up and jumped on the couch. Meredith leaned over, picked Bailey up, and sat him on her lap. Her iPad was already on, so all she had to do was click the FaceTime app. Zola leaned into her breast so she could get a clear view of the screen. Meredith wrapped her arm around the little girl, while supporting Bailey on her knee. All of her recent calls were to Derek, from yesterday and from when they had tested the app before Derek left for D.C. She clicked on his name, and her iPad began calling Derek.

"I'm calling—" she started to say, but Derek's face had already appeared on her screen. She ended the call on her cellphone and set down her phone. "Look, it's Daddy," she said to the kids.

"Hi, Daddy!" Zola waved eagerly to her father.

"Well, if it isn't my entire family. This is a beautiful picture." Derek's smile filled the screen. His hair was a mess, and Meredith couldn't avoid the tiresome wrinkles underneath his eyes. He looked sleep deprived, though it was three hours later there. She knew he would stay up late just to talk to her. Meredith was reminded of the early days of their relationship, when they would skip out on sleep and talk all night. Of course, the talk was mixed in with sex too. Sometimes Meredith missed those days. The days before children. But then she looked at Zola and Bailey, and she couldn't imagine her life without them.

"You know, if you press down the circle and the power button, you can take a picture of us," Meredith told her husband. A perplexed expression took over his face as he appeared to be looking for the buttons.

"The circle and the…" He disappeared. She knew that meant that he had accidentally closed the app.

"Where Daddy go?" Zola pouted, raising her head off her mother's chest and looking up at her with sad eyes.

"Hold on, Love Bug," Meredith said, calling Derek again. After a few seconds, Derek was back on the screen.

"You're back!" Zola smiled. "Hi, Daddy! Again."

"Yeah, that didn't work," Derek announced, releasing a frustrated sigh.

"You have to hold down the buttons at the exact same time, or it won't work," Meredith told him.

"Okay, let's try this again," Derek shook his head, and he studiously looked for the buttons. "The screen just flashed!" Derek gasped, his eyes widened in shock.

"You did it! If you go into your pictures, you'll find a screenshot. But don't look now. I don't want to lose you again," Meredith laughed. "I'll show you how to find them when you get back."

"Meredith, I know where my pictures are stored. I'm not _that _technology illiterate. How else would I post pictures on Instagram? I swear, you give me no credit," Derek said while chuckling.

"Right. Sorry," Meredith apologized.

"You should be," Derek teased, then his attention directed to the kids. "Wow, I swear, you've both grown since I talked to you last night!"

"Hehe!" Bailey giggled and babbled some random syllables, then he cheered, "Dada!"

"Yes, that's your dada," Meredith said soothingly, pulling her son closer so he didn't fall off her knee. Bailey clapped and rubbed his pointer finger against the screen. She was quick to take his hand before he accidentally ended the call.

"Don't swear, Daddy!" Zola scolded her father. "It not nice to swear." Meredith and Derek both laughed at the cuteness.

"Okay, I won't," Derek said. "Were _you _a good girl today, Zo?"

"Yup!" Zola raised her chin and snickered as she looked at her mother. Meredith exhaled and laughed gently, remembering the cookie incident from earlier.

"Was she really good, Meredith?" Derek asked; Meredith sensed the suspicion in his voice.

"Other than leaving her leftover cookie from snacktime in her pocket and turning herself into a chocolatey mess, she was pretty good," Meredith informed Derek.

"You did that?" Derek let out a gasp. Zola nodded shyly. "You lied to Daddy, Zozo? Lying isn't nice. Daddy's sad now." Derek frowned and put fists over his eyes, pretending to cry.

"Sorry, Daddy," Zola whispered. "But the cookies were soooo good! I didn't mean to be bad. I'm sowwy."

"I forgive you, Zo. Just don't do it again, okay, sweetheart?"

"Okay, Daddy. I won't. I pwomise!" Zola replied sweetly. She puckered her lips and blew her daddy a kiss with her right hand.

Bailey put his hands on the screen again and pulled the iPad toward his mouth. "Bails, don't," Meredith said, grabbing her son's hands. He fussed as she moved his hands away from the tablet. Tears rolled down his face. She intertwined her fingers with his fingers, and he pulled her pointer finger into his mouth and started sucking on it. He bit down on her finger, and she could feel his little teeth cutting through his gums. "Zo, hold your brother. I'm going to go grab his teething ring from the refrigerator," Meredith said, looking at Derek one last time before propping the iPad up on the counter. She aimed it at the kids, so they could see their father.

Bailey started to bawl when Meredith got up.

"Mommy, help!" Zola pleaded; Meredith could see Zola fighting a squirming, crying Bailey through the corner of her eye. She made a quick dash to the refrigerator.

"Shhhh, Bails, you're okay," Derek said soothingly, and he started singing. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. When the blazing sun is gone. When he nothing shines at night. Then you show your little light. Twinkle, twinkle, all the night."

Bailey had stopped crying just as Meredith returned to hand her son his teething ring.

"Here you go, little guy," she said calmly, handing her son his dinosaur-shaped teething ring; he eagerly took it from his mother's hands and began sucking on it. She took a seat between her children; they were all in perfect view of the iPad webcam. "You're amazing, Derek." Meredith released a sigh. "How is it you can calm him and I can't?"

"Simple. He's a daddy's boy," Derek laughed. "I've also spend a little more time with him than you have, so I have an unfair advantage."

"I miss you, Daddy. You cooler than Mommy," Zola said with a sigh.

Meredith's jaw dropped, in awe that those words were coming out of her three-year-old's mouth. It wasn't that long ago that she was the cool parent, or so she thought. Derek could never get Zola to put on her shoes, but Meredith didn't have a problem. However, times changed after Bailey was born and Derek agreed to spend more time with the kids so she could focus on her career. The kids both were used to Derek being around.

"I don't know about that," Derek told Zola. "I think your mommy's pretty cool."

"Not as cool as you," Zola retorted. Meredith's heart sank in her chest.

"Zo, be nice. You're going to hurt your mommy's feelings," Derek scolded.

"It's okay, Derek," Meredith sighed. "It's true. You are cooler than I am. After all, that's why you're in D.C., isn't it? That's why the president wanted _you_. I, for one, think I'm quite fortunate to have such a cool husband."

Derek shrugged. "I guess you're right. I am pretty cool. But I'd rather be with you."

"And be uncool?" Meredith teased.

They talked for another thirty minutes before Bailey began fussing again. He tossed his teething ring on the floor and started to scream.

"Shhhh, Bails," Derek said soothingly, but not even the sound of his voice was soothing him now.

"I think someone's sleepy," Meredith declared. She looked at Zola, "I think it's time for you and your brother to get ready for bed."

Zola stuck her lip out. "I'M not sleepy." Meredith looked at the time. It was ten past nine. Zola had already taken bath and was in her pajamas, so all she needed was to brush her teeth. It was only a matter of time before she'd be tired too.

"Okay, then, why don't you talk to your daddy while I get Bailey ready for bed, then?" Meredith suggested, and Zola nodded eagerly. Meredith hoped she could trust Zola alone with the iPad while she took gave Bailey a bath and changed him into his pajamas. She wasn't too worried, because as long as Derek didn't get disconnected, Zola would be occupied.

Bailey calmed down once he was in the bathtub. He was entertained by his rubber duckies, which he loved very much. Once he was bathed, dried, and changed into his pajamas, Meredith carried him out to the living room, where she found Zola zonked out on the couch and Derek watching her sleep. He lifted his pointer finger over his mouth. "Shhh," he whispered.

"How long has she been out?" Meredith whispered.

"About ten minutes," Derek replied softly.

Meredith smiled, looking at her slumbering daughter. For not being sleepy, she'd passed out pretty early. This was going to be easier than she'd initially predicted. She carefully grabbed the iPad while balancing Bailey in her other arm and took her husband and son into Bailey's nursery. Sleeping on the couch wouldn't hurt Zola.

It wasn't long before Bailey was out too. Now the grown-ups could play.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The next chapter is actually one of my favorites. It's also a bit dirty (you've been warned). Enjoy the fluff while it lasts. *wink***


	11. Chapter 11

**Warning: This chapter contains sexual content. **

**A/N: Two days until Grey's comes back! I'm so, _so_ excited. This hiatus has felt like an ETERNITY! Let's hope for a quality MerDer storyline for 10B. :)**

* * *

><p>Meredith had a mini-panic attack when she stepped out of Bailey's room and realized Zola was no longer lying on the couch. Her heart raced.<p>

"What's wrong, Meredith?" Derek asked, noticing his wife's mouth hanging open.

"Zola's gone!" Meredith gasped.

"Relax, she probably went into her room," Derek said. His voice was so calm and soothing. She didn't know how he always managed to remain so relaxed in a crisis. Staying calm had never been one of her strengths. Her tendency toward anxiousness had only gotten worse as she'd become a wife and a mother. Derek continued, "She does that all the time; falls asleep on the couch and then wanders into her room."

Meredith tiptoed to her daughter's bedroom and peaked in the room to find Zola passed out under her covers. She breathed a sigh of relief. She pointed the camera toward Zola. "You were right," she told Derek.

"All I see is darkness," Derek whispered; the iPad pixels weren't detailed enough to show the outline of a sleeping Zola, "but I'd get far away from her room before she wakes up, if I were you."

Meredith stepped lightly across the floor and made dash for her bedroom. She yawned; her eyes were heavy, and she longed for sleep. But when she saw her empty bed, she exasperated and looked at her iPad screen. "I miss you," she said. She propped her iPad up on her bed and laid on her stomach. Derek was smiling dorkily, and she watched as he removed his shirt. She studied his chest hair, longing to place her hand on it; she imagined the heat radiating from his skin. She imagined the furnace from his body radiating onto her skin. She pictured hovering her hands over his chest hair. Meredith closed her eyes, imaging their lips touching. She imagined his soft lips pressing against her neck as his hands moved down her waist, then they gently hovered over her hips. But nothing she imagined could substitute reality.

"You could afford to lose your shirt," Derek teased. "If I were there, I'd tear it off."

Meredith giggled as she ran her hands underneath her shirt and raised her shirt above her head. She looked down at her purple-laced bra and noted the three faded scars on her abdomen. The first, the least noticeable, was from when she'd had her appendix removed during her internship. It was barely noticeable now, but she still noticed. The second was from when she'd donated part of her liver to her alcoholic father. The last one, and the most noticeable, was the scar from her C-section ten months ago. The C-section she hadn't wanted but had to have because her son wasn't positioned right to deliver vaginally.

She'd never been overly self-conscious about her scars. Derek said they made her sexy. According to him, they made her human. Everyone had scars. Some were just deeper than others. Some were more visible. Some were barely visible at all. With time, though, all scars faded as part of the healing process. Though they never disappeared completely. That's why they're called scars. Derek liked to gently run his fingers over her scars and then lightly kiss them. She didn't mind it, either.

"Oooh, purple," Derek said, noticing the color of her bra. "Sexy. I'm not there, though, so who're you wearing that for?"

Meredith rolled eyes and laughed. "It's just a bra. There's nothing special about it. It's no different than all my other bras. Other than the fact it's purple. Nothing special about it."

"Uh-huh, that's what you want me to think. It still looks pretty fancy to me," Derek noted. "You better not be showing off your fancy bra to some other guy."

"Someone's a little jealous," Meredith pointed out. "I'm not the one who had another woman's hands all over my body last night."

"Huh?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Callie," Meredith said.

"Ooooh. See, I'd already forgotten about that," Derek laughed. "Wait, that made you jealous?"

Meredith shrugged, releasing a sigh. "Maybe just a little bit." She held her pointer finger and thumb about a centimeter apart.

Derek burst into laughter. "Why?"

"I don't know," Meredith shook her head and sighed. "Maybe because she could physically touch you and I couldn't."

"Oh, well, don't worry. _Nothing _happened between Callie and me. The only hands I want on my body are yours," Derek said, then seductively added, "Now, you should lose some more clothing. Just a suggestion." He winked.

Meredith blushed, though she didn't know why she was blushing. It's not like he hadn't seen her naked many, many times. They'd just never done _this _before. Undressing in front of her iPad was entirely new for her. She teased Cristina when she used to sext Owen all the time. Meredith sent Derek dirty texts on occasion, but they were more subtle; Derek wasn't a huge fan of texting in the first place. He was also terrified he'd lose his phone and he didn't want to risk his texts coming to haunt him in the future, if his phone landed in the hands of the wrong person.

She removed her jeans at the same time as he removed his. They were in sync. He was sitting with his legs wide open and her eyes focused on his bulge in his briefs.

"Hot damn, Meredith!" Derek shrieked when he saw her back-laced panties. "Are you _sure _you haven't been trying to impress someone else today?"

"Just you," Meredith laughed. "You're the only one I want to impress."

"I could just wrap you in my arms right now and unhook your bra, slide off your panties, and…."

She saw his bulge growing through his underwear. Her pulse was quickening. Her heart rate sped as she imagined Derek unhooking her bra. Her arms reached behind her back as she felt for the hook of her bra. She unfastened the first hook, and then the second, and finally the third. Her bra fell off her body, and Derek's slid his hand inside his underwear. She let out a moan. "Oh, Derek." She felt her insides tightening. Her entire body was pulsating. She couldn't believe how this was turning her on. She wanted so badly to touch Derek. To feel Derek inside her. She needed him now. Here. With her.

_Bang. _There was a loud pound on her bedroom door.

Before she could move to cover herself, her bedroom door swung open.

"Hey, Mer—oh, this is awkward." Meredith let out a scream and dove under the bedroom covers as Amelia spun around and ran out of the room.

"Fuck," Meredith cursed as she looked at Derek, who had, even though Amelia couldn't see him, covered himself with a blanket. His face was flushed.

"Amelia just saw you naked," Derek said, and then, to Meredith's astonishment, he burst into laughter.

"It's not funny!" Meredith hissed.

"You act like she's the first person other than me to see you naked, Mer; and you and I both know _that's _not true." Derek was still laughing hysterically. Meredith's face froze, not sure if he was referring to the fact that used to sleep around, or the fact that others had walked in on them having sex before, or maybe both. Derek finally stopped laughing, and he let out a sigh. "Remember when Webber walked in on us in my trailer?"

"How could I forget?" Meredith asked, and then sighed, "But at least we were already under the covers. Derek, I should let you go and go talk to her. I honestly wasn't expecting her to come back tonight. I imagined she'd sleep in an on-call room or something."

"Honestly, I wouldn't even bother talking to her about it. She'll probably forget all about it by tomorrow," Derek said. "This is my sister, Meredith. Besides, if anyone knows what it's like to be walked in on, it's her."

"Oh, so you…"

"Many times. The worst part was it was with different guys," Derek said.

"Oh, well, now I don't feel so bad." Meredith rolled her eyes and chuckled. Somehow she wasn't surprised. In some ways, Amelia did remind Meredith of an unsettled version of herself. She was prone to sporadic decisions, just like Meredith used to be. They'd both used substances to cope. Meredith had used alcohol as her coping mechanism. Amelia used alcohol and drugs. The difference? Meredith had never allowed her drinking to get in the way of her career. She knew her limitations. That was the difference between her and Amelia.

"Wanna pick up where we left off?" Derek asked, a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

"Not a chance," Meredith replied. "I really should be hitting the sack anyway. I'm exhausted."

"Me too," Derek sighed. "My plane will land at four p.m. Seattle time, so I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you, too," Meredith replied, and she ended the ca. She exhaled and looked toward the door. Even though part of her wanted to let it go and act like it hadn't happened, she still felt the need to at least say something to Amelia. She reached for a bathrobe and left the bedroom to find Amelia already lying on the couch with the lights out. Assuming she was asleep, Meredith quietly turned around to back to her room.

"I'm not asleep," Amelia groaned; Meredith saw her sit out and inhaled slowly as she walked back toward the couch. "Look, I'm sorry. I should've called or knocked or something. It's my own fault."

"It's all good," Meredith smiled weakly. "I wasn't expecting you back here tonight. How'd you get here?"

Amelia shrugged. "Same way I got here the first time. Took a cab. Thought your couch would be more comfy than an on-call room bed. They tend to be pretty firm, and your couch is soft. I'm not a fan of firm mattresses. Plus, I thought you'd want help with the kids in the morning."

"I can handle my kids on my own," Meredith said.

"Oh, Gosh. I'm not saying you're not perfectly capable of handling your kids on your own. I was just trying to be helpful. Hey, an extra hand never hurts, right?" Amelia smiled.

Meredith studiously observed Amelia. She still didn't know if she trusted Amelia. Should she? Had Amelia done anything worthy of trust? Sure, she'd cooked breakfast and she'd helped with the kids.

"How did your surgery go?" Meredith inquired.

"It was a success!" Amelia boasted. "I knew I could do it. The patient actually woke up just before I left and her vitals are great. I'm confident she'll make a full recovery. I've that resident Murphy monitoring her tonight. I do have to say, though, she was a bit of a dud in the O.R. I think I taught her a few things."

"The residents haven't had a whole lot of experience with neuro, especially since Derek's been gone and Shadow Shepherd isn't the best teacher," Meredith replied in Murphy's defense, though she wasn't entirely sure as to why she was defending Leah Murphy. She didn't know her too well, but from what she'd heard - specifically from Alex and Arizona - she was whiny and clingy. Though, that didn't have to affect her skills as a surgeon.

"Shadow Shepherd?" Amelia laughed. "That's what you call that Dr. Nelson guy? Nice. He's a joke."

"That's why we call him Shadow Shepherd. He used to be the Head of Neuro before Derek moved to Seattle. Now he's just turned into the back burner of neurosurgeons," Meredith said.

"I can tell," Amelia said.

There was a silence and then Meredith said quietly, "Derek knows you're here."

Amelia frowned and nodded slowly. "I figured. You didn't tell him…"

"No, I didn't. But he did tell me to tell you to go home," Meredith replied.

"Well, I knew he'd say that. Tell him I'm not going anywhere," Amelia insisted tartly.

"You can tell him yourself tomorrow," Meredith responded intensely and turned around. "Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Amelia."


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith's morning began abruptly when she was brought to consciousness by the shrieks of her three-year-old daughter.

"YOU NOT MY AUNT! MY MOMMY TOLD ME NEVER TO TALK TO STWANGERS!" the little girl bellowed. "MOMMY! MOMMY! HELP! A STWANGER IN THE HOUSE! LET GO OF MY BWODDER, YOU BAD PERSON!"

Followed by her daughter's screams, were the sounds of her son's cries. Her children's screams pierced her eardrums as she took a deep breath. She rolled over Derek's once-warm side of the bed and felt the sheer coldness against her back. _Today's it, _Meredith thought. It was the last morning she would have to wake up to an empty. _For now, anyway. _Who knew how long it would be before Derek left again. She dreaded his business trips.

Meredith slid out of bed and planted her feet on the cool floor. She groggily stumbled out of the room as her eyes adjusted to the bright sun beating through the windows of the house. She found Zola, still in her pajamas, standing in the living room, looking frightened. Amelia was holding a crying Bailey. The little girl ran toward her mother. "Mommy, Mommy! Help!" Zola wrapped her arms around her mother. Meredith bent down and picked her daughter up. Tears of terror streamed out of Zola's eyes.

"Sweetie, calm down," Meredith said soothingly, rubbing her daughter's back. "This is your aunt, baby girl. Your Aunt Amelia. She's your daddy's sister." Zola was too young to remember the last time Amelia had been in town, and since she hadn't been home last night, she hadn't seen her. Meredith should have anticipated this.

"Oh," Zola whispered, and the fear in her face slowly faded.

"I'm sorry," Meredith apologized to Amelia. "I've always told her never to talk to strangers."

Amelia chuckled. "It's fine. In fact, I'd be more worried if she hadn't freaked out. I'm the one who should be sorry. I was hoping by my being here you'd get a little extra sleep. Apparently I've caused the opposite."

"It's fine," Meredith said, looking at the clock. Six o'clock. She yawned. "This is the time I'm normally up anyway. I have two back-to-back surgeries this morning, and I have to pick Derek up at the airport at four." Meredith looked at Zola. "Daddy's coming home today."

"Yay!" Zola exclaimed.

"Now that you know I'm not a stranger, Zo, how about you and I go make breakfast for your mommy and brother while your mom gets ready for work?" Amelia insisted, still holding Bailey in one arm while she held out her other hand. Meredith set Zola on the ground, but the little girl still looked timidly at Amelia. She looked for permission from her mother.

"It's all right, Zo. Amelia's pretty cool. Probably cooler than I am," Meredith winked, not forgetting that Zola had been so adamant about stating how much cooler her father was than her mother.

"I don't know about that. I have pretty high standards to beat, huh?" Amelia laughed. She looked up at Meredith. "I went shopping last night before I came back, since your refrigerator was practically bare. I got eggs, so I was thinking I could make omelets."

"What are om-a-lets?" Zola asked. The innocence shined so preciously in her eyes.

"You've never had an omelet?" Amelia's eyes expanded as she shot a shocked look at Meredith. "Your poor, deprived children! C'mon, Zo. Let me show you how to make an omelet."

Meredith inhaled slowly. "Just make sure she doesn't touch the stove." The idea of having Zola so close to a warm stove top frightened Meredith.

"Relax, Meredith. I've got this." She reached her hand out again and this time Zola took it. Meredith watched as her children went with their aunt into the kitchen. In the meantime, she went to take a shower.

The steamy water splashed onto her face, and all she could think about was Derek. For a moment, she found herself fantasizing that Derek was in the shower next to her. It'd been ages since they'd taken a shower or bath together. It used to be a frequent occasion; now it was rarity that they were even home when the other was in the shower or bath. She imagined his hands running down her wet torso. She pictured her hands touching his wet face as his lips pressed against hers. She imagined their bodies intertwining as they made love in the shower.

"AAAAAAAAH!" A loud scream from the kitchen killed her fantasies. She quickly rinsed the lavender conditioner out of her hair and grabbed her bath robe. She ran out of the bathroom, soaked, and dashed into the kitchen without a second thought.

"What happened?" Meredith gasped as she saw Zola's fingers soaking in a cup of water. Bailey was sucking from his bottle in his high chair.

"I told her not to, but s-she thought the red burner was pretty…" Amelia explained, and without thinking, Meredith slapped Amelia across the face. "Ow!" Amelia cried, touching her face, where a red mark that Meredith's hand had left behind was forming. "That's a great example to show your children," Amelia hissed.

"_This _is the reason Derek doesn't trust you with our kids," Meredith said bitterly. "You did exactly what I told you not to, and if you think I'm such a bad example, then maybe you should hop on a flight back to Los Angeles." Meredith inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. _Perfect. Amelia thinks I'm a bad mother, _Meredith rolled her eyes; perhaps convincing Amelia to keep her child wouldn't be so hard after all. She kneeled down to her little girl. "Let me see your finger, Zozo."

She gently removed the cold washcloth from Zola's hand and saw the light red swelling on her little girl's finger. It was a first degree burn. "It hurts," Zola cried.

"I bet it does. You're going to be okay, Love Bug. But I hope you learned your lesson. _Never _touch something that's red, okay? Red means hot," Meredith told her little girls.

"Strawberries aren't hot," Zola replied.

"Well, no. Not everything red is hot," Meredith sighed.

"So how am I sposta to know what hot and what not?" Zola asked innocently, and she stuck her lip out.

"Well," Meredith exhaled, looking at Amelia. "If someone tells you not to touch something red, then it's probably hot. Did Aunt Amelia tell you not to touch the stove?" Zola nodded. "See, she was trying to protect you."

"I'm sowwy," Zola said quietly.

"I think you learned your lesson. Now, we're going to play doctor, only Mommy's the doctor this time and you're the patient, Zola." Zola nodded showing understanding. Meredith saw Amelia sliding an omelet onto a plate as she took Zola into the bathroom to get some Aloe. She gently rubbed the Aloe on Zola's finger; Zola flinched as her finger tingled. "Okay, Zo, do you want the purple butterfly Band-Aid or the pink princess Band-Aid?" Meredith held the boxes so Zola could choose, though she already knew which Zo would choose.

"Purple butterfly!" Zola pointed at the purple butterfly Band-Aid box. Meredith smiled gently as she placed the bandage on her daughter's sore finger.

When Zola and Meredith re-entered the kitchen, Amelia had already set the table with three plates filled with cheese omelets. She'd also made Bailey a small plate of scrambled eggs. He was gazing strangely at the fluffy yellow eggs.

"I'm guessing he's never had eggs before," Amelia said carefully.

Meredith shook her head and stared briefly at the red mark on Amelia's face. "Look, Amelia, I'm sorry for slapping you. I overreacted."

"It's all right," Amelia said. "I have three sisters. I'm used to people overreacting." Meredith faked a smile. "Cheese omelet?" Amelia smiled as she handed a plate to Meredith, which Meredith took with hesitation. She saw that Amelia had made scrambled eggs for Bailey. Bailey had never eaten eggs before, and Meredith wasn't sure if he was supposed to eat eggs. Their pediatrician had told her she should introduce foods slowly to him, which she thought was common sense. He'd loved the French toast Amelia had made yesterday. He also loved instant oatmeal (since Meredith wouldn't dare try to make it over the stove). His favorite solid food was Honey Nut Cheerios, though.

She watched her son staring curiously at the yellow fluffy eggs.

"He's never eaten eggs," Meredith told Amelia. "I'm not sure if he's ready."

"He's ten months old?" Amelia asked and Meredith nodded. "Then he should be able to eat scrambled eggs. That's why I scrambled out the egg whites. They don't recommend babies under a year have the whites. Scrambled eggs are usually okay. Only way to find out is to let him try it." Amelia shrugged.

Meredith sat her plate down on the table, and without touching it, she picked up Bailey's little spoon. "This week's just full of new things for you to try, pumpkin," Meredith smiled at her little boy. His wide blue eyes studied the yellow stuff on his plate. He took his little fingers and wrapped them around one of the bites of eggs. The eggs were fluffy, but still mushy. The egg crumbled as he tried to pick it up. Meredith laughed, "Let me help you." She filled the spoon with a little bite of egg and slowly put it into Bailey's mouth. His face froze for a moment. And drool dripped down his mouth and he squished his face up as bits of the egg ran onto his bib, and then he spit the rest out. Tears started to flow from his eyes. Meredith looked up at Amelia and shook her head. "I don't think he likes eggs."

"Oh come on, Bailey. You have to like eggs," Amelia said, taking the spoon from Meredith's hand and filling the spoon with another of bike. "Lookie, Bailey. It's an airplane! Like the one your Daddy is going to be riding today." She waved the spoon up and down and tried to put it into Bailey's mouth, but he wouldn't open it.

"He doesn't like them, Amelia. Don't push him," Meredith said sternly, and she turned to her son. "Sweetie, I'll get you some cereal."

She saw in the corner of her eye that Zola had barely touched her eggs. "Mommy, can I have cereal, too? Pwease. This nasty!" She scrunched up her adorable face.

Meredith sighed. "I guess Zola doesn't like eggs, either."

"Well, shoot," Amelia sighed. "There goes my plan of serving a perfect breakfast. You haven't touched yours, either."

Truthfully, Meredith wasn't a huge fan of eggs either. She didn't _hate _them, per se. Nonetheless, she ate her omelet so Amelia didn't feel bad.

"You should finish getting ready," Amelia told Meredith once they'd finished breakfast. "I'll finish getting the kids ready too." Meredith froze as she looked back and forth between her two children. Amelia sighed. "Relax. The burners are off. We'll be fine."

Meredith was reluctant, but she agreed. She knew that Amelia had good intentions, and it wasn't entirely her fault Zola had gotten burnt. It could have just as easily had happened if Meredith had been in the kitchen. You could only control a preschooler to a certain limit. And it would only be a matter of time before Bailey was walking and running around, too.

She and Derek had their work cut out for them.

She didn't talk to Derek that morning. Meredith imagined that he was busy getting ready to come home, plus he wouldn't be able to call her when he was on the plane. Meredith tried not to worry too much, but knowing Derek would be on a plane today was enough to raise her anxiety level to its peak.

It had been so difficult for her to fathom flying again after the plane crash that had taken Mark and Lexie away from them. Eventually, she did. Though flying still made her nervous. The thought of Derek on a plane scared the living hell out of her. Knowing that his life was in the hands of a pilot, 45,000 feet above the ground, was absolutely gut-wrenching.

She tried to push the thought to the back of her mind.

Zola proved to be slightly difficult that morning. She was at that age where she liked to test adults' patience. Amelia had managed to get her dressed, but she wanted to wear her dance shoes to daycare. Meredith wouldn't have fought her, but since Zola had grown since last fall, her shoes were too tight for her feet now. Zola insisted she could fit into them, denying the fact that her feet were scrunched and would hurt all day if she wore them.

Finally, Meredith was able to talk her into wearing her tennis shoes. By that time, though, she was running late for her first surgery. Her phone was blowing up, and she didn't have the time to check it.

Amelia offered to drop the kids off at daycare as they walked in Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital's doors.

"Noooo!" Zola pulled at her mother's hand. "I want Mommy to take us!"

Meredith exhaled a sigh. She took Zola's hand and pointed toward the daycare. "Love Bug," she inhaled a deep breath, "your daycare is right over there. It's just a few steps away, see? You can give Mommy a kiss right now, and it won't make a difference if you give it to me out here or in there."

Zola still pouted, but she finally agreed. She gave Meredith a kiss on the cheek, and Meredith gave her little girl a tight hug and kissed her forehead. Amelia headed toward the daycare with the kids, and before Meredith could make a run toward the Attendings' lounge, she saw Izzie walking in the hospital doors with Blake.

"Hey, Mer!" Izzie waved. She looked down at her little guy. "Say hi to Mer, Blake."

"Hi!" Blake waved eagerly, and before Meredith could say another word, she saw another familiar face walk through the hospital doors.

_Alex._


	13. Chapter 13

It all happened so fast. Izzie was facing toward Meredith when Alex Karev stepped through the doors of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Her back was turned away from Alex. Alex was looking down at his phone until he looked up at Meredith. Neither said a word, but Meredith's face must have given away that something was off. Alex froze in his steps. He turned in the direction Izzie and Blake stood. He looked as if he had just seen a ghost.

"I-Izzie," Alex stammered. "W-What are you _doing _here?" His face blistered red. His eyes narrowed angrily at Izzie.

"Um, it's a long story," Izzie said. She met eyes with Meredith. _Well, this is awkward._ "Nice to see you, too." She rolled her eyes, and then she tilted her head to look at her son. "Come on, Blake. We need to get you to daycare so Mommy can get to work."

"Um, yeah, and I have a surgery to get to," Meredith said, stepping away.

"Hold on!" Alex hollered in a raised voice. Meredith and Izzie both froze. "You don't get to run off. You." Alex looked directly at Meredith. "You knew Izzie was back, didn't you? That's why you were asking me all those weird questions yesterday. And you." He turned to Izzie. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I, uh, work here," Izzie said, showing Alex her identification card. Her cheeks flushed red as she avoided eye contact with her ex-husband.

Blake tugged at his mother's hand. "Mommy, I have to go pee," Blake said innocently.

Alex's eyes widened. "Mommy?" He stared intently at Izzie.

"Well, looks like you two have _lots _to talk about. And I have surgery. You two have fun." Meredith winked and started to run toward the Attendings' lounge, just as she saw Jo walking down the hall wearing her light blue scrubs. She was holding two coffees in her hands. Jo looked exhausted; her hair was a mess, and she had dark circles underneath her eyes. Meredith figured she was just getting off the night shift. "Jo!" Meredith called. "You shouldn't have." She snatched one of the coffees from Jo's hand and took a sip from the cup.

"Actually that was for…" Jo's face froze as she met eyes with Alex. "Alex. What's going on?"

"Walk away, Jo. Walk away," Meredith insisted dully.

"What's going on?" Jo called louder, walking closer to Alex, Izzie, and Blake. Meredith left, taking the coffee she'd snatched with her. She was going to need the caffeine, though she did feel a little guilty for stealing Alex's coffee. He was just about to find out that he had a kid. It was probably a good thing she'd taken the coffee; otherwise Meredith could easily see Alex throwing it at Izzie. Really, she'd just done Izzie a favor because the coffee was burning hot. It actually burned her tongue. Meredith suspected Jo had taken the coffee from the nurse's station, because the coffee in the cafeteria was always room temperature.

Meredith's eyes widened when she read the time on the wall. Daylights Savings Time had already passed, so she really was running late. Where had the time gone? _Shit_, she thought, quickening her stride toward the Attendings' lounge.

When she entered the lounge, she was surprised to find Amelia reclining on the couch, holding an iPad, acting as if she was going about her everyday routine.

"What are you doing in here, Amelia?" Meredith asked as she dropped off her belongings.

"Well, you're looking at your newest colleague!" Amelia announced, smiling proudly. "Hunt offered me a neuro attending position." She lowered her voice, "I think he fired Nelson."

"What?" Meredith stared at Amelia stupefied for a moment. She then checked her phone and saw she had seven missed text message. Four from Dr. Bailey, two from Stephanie, one from Derek, and one from Cristina.

She read Derek's text first.

_Derek: At the airport, boarding the plane. I love you. See you soon._

Meredith's heart fluttered. She was so happy that Derek was finally coming home, though she was also worried. She hadn't quite digested the fact that Amelia had told her that Hunt had offered her a position. Derek wasn't going to take that well.

Stephanie's first text was forty-five minutes go.

_Stephanie: I'm prepping the Lisey for surgery. _

_Stephanie: Where are you?_

Stephanie's last text was fifteen minutes ago. Meredith's texts from Bailey were back-to-back, within ten minutes of each other.

_Bailey: Are you going to show up for surgery?_

_Bailey: Hello? I'm here with Edwards outside OR 2, do you want me to take over?_

_Bailey: Are you coming?_

_Bailey: Answer your damn texts, Grey_

_Bailey: Well, since you can't be bothered to reply, I'm going into surgery. _

"Shit," Meredith said aloud, not even looking at Cristina's text. Bailey had sent her that text two minutes ago. She quickly texted back. _I'm on my way. _

She dashed out of the Attendings' lounge, leaving Amelia alone, and rushed toward OR 2. She put on her scrub cap as she barged into the operating room.

"I'm here," she gasped as she saw that Dr. Bailey's hands were already in her patient.

"Well, it's about time you show your tardy-face in this OR, Grey. I was beginning to think you'd gotten hit by a bus on the way to work," Dr. Bailey replied slyly.

"That's not funny," Meredith said, remembering George.

"Wasn't supposed to be funny, Dr. Grey. But when you don't answer your text messages, what do you expect me to think? I was actually contemplating on whether or not I should call the police once I finished _your _surgery," Dr. Bailey replied.

"I'm sorry," Meredith huffed. "But Zola…"

"Look, I get it, you're a mother. I've been doing the mommy routine for seven years now. Things come up with our kids. _I get it_. But that's why the technology Gods created _cell phones_. You should have texted your resident to let her know you were running late, then maybe I wouldn't have been standing here, wondering if you were dead."

"I'm sorry, it's not like me. I didn't realize I was running so late," Meredith confessed. "Please, I can take over now. It's my patient."

"Your patient who was left wondering where her doctor was all morning. She asked about you, you know. I had to explain that you were running late, so I would be taking over her surgery. She's my patient now, and this is my OR. I respect you, and I care about you, but get out of my OR, Grey."

"Dr. Bailey-"

Dr. Bailey turned to Stephanie. "Apparently Dr. Grey didn't understand my orders. Would you like to escort Dr. Grey out of my OR?"

Stephanie looked at Meredith, and Meredith scowled. "I understood just fine. I _don't _need an escort." She stormed out of the OR. She walked down the hallway and inhaled a deep breath. She was trying to fight back tears. Meredith glanced at the clock. She had two hours before her next surgery was scheduled, and after that, she would be ready to go to the airport and see Derek. She tried to focus on the fact Derek was coming home today. She couldn't wait to wrap her arms around him. To kiss his lips.

Though she dreaded what would happen next: When Derek found out that Amelia would now be working at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. That she was pregnant, and she wanted them to adopt her child. He was eager to raise another child with _her_, but there was no way he would want to raise his sister's child.

And there was no way they could take on another kid now. She was already having her surgeries taken from her because she couldn't make it to work on time with two kids. How the hell did Amelia honestly expect she could handle a third?

"Mer!" she heard Cristina calling her.

Meredith didn't turn around. She didn't want Cristina to see that she was upset. She remembered last fall, when Cristina had given Dr. Bailey her heart-liver patient because she didn't think she was "prepared" for the surgery. The last thing she wanted was to tell Cristina that she hadn't made it to her surgery on time. _You've become the person we laughed at._

Even though she and Cristina were on the mend, the words still stung in her heart, because part of her knew that Cristina was right. They used to make fun of working mothers. They thought women who tried to have steady careers and be parents were stupid. After all, Meredith herself had been raised by a work-a-holic. But that was the reason she didn't want to devout her entire life to her work. She wanted to spend time with her family. She didn't want her children to resent her like she had her own mother. Thus, she was watching her career fall apart.

It didn't have to be like this, did it? It had to get easier. Mothers all over the world worked. Being a surgeon was a high-demanding career, but it wasn't like she had to do it alone. She had a husband. A husband who was receiving national recognition for his work. And there she was. Left at home alone with the kids.

Derek didn't ask for any of this. He really didn't, but he still took the job. Though she didn't blame him. Who could resist such an opportunity? Besides, it wasn't fair that he give up his career because they had children. But why should she? There had to be a balance. _Somewhere. _

Meredith only knew one thing for certain: Amelia was a lunatic if she honestly thought she and Derek were going to adopt her child.

"Mer?" Cristina called again. "Did you get my text?"

"Huh?" Meredith asked, pulling out her phone. She never had read Cristina's text message.

It was her only unread text message now.

_Cristina: Want to catch up at lunch? _

Meredith smirked. If she had time for lunch. She turned around, "I'd love to."

She made eye contact with Cristina, who frowned. "What's wrong, Mer?" They knew each other inside and out. They'd been best friends for almost eight years now.

"It's n-nothing," Meredith stammered, crossing her arms.

"Then why do you look like you're about to cry?" Cristina inquired.

"I don't," Meredith replied flatly. "It's just, uh, allergies." Her phone buzzed. She had a text message from Amelia.

_Amelia: 320 - 911! _

_Room 320? _Meredith thought. Wasn't that Katie Bryce's room number yesterday? Surely, by now, Katie had been discharged. She'd only had her appendix removed.

"I've got to go," Meredith said quickly, and she dashed up the stairs and ran toward room 320.

Katie Bryce was seizing when Meredith entered her room.

"What happened?" Meredith asked.

"She's having multiple grand mal seizures!" Amelia hollered. "Katie Bryce, 22, was admitted yesterday with severe abdominal pain."

"I know the patient," Meredith said. "Bailey performed an appendectomy on her yesterday."

"Patient was complaining of a headache last night, so Nelson did a head CT that came out clean. Bailey opted to keep her overnight for observation. She's Bailey's patient, so I paged her but she's in surgery. She told me to page you," Amelia rapidly filled Meredith in. "She's got diazepam, 2 milligrams lorazepam, I'm giving her a second dose now. There's definitely something going on here. It's not every day you see a patient come in for an appendectomy and then they start seizing."

Meredith's head spun as she looked at Katie, the young blonde woman who was shaking uncontrollably. "_What do you want to do, Dr. Grey?" _Déjà vu. The voices screamed in her head. She could hear the nurse yelling at her like it was just yesterday. "_What do you want to do?" _Helplessness lingered over her body. But she wasn't that naive intern anymore.

"_You've paged Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Bailey?"_

"Lorazepam's not working," Amelia said out loud. "Crap."

"_Phenobarbital - load her with phenobarbital."_

"_Pheno's in. No change."_

"_You page Dr. Shepherd?"_

She was an attending; an experienced surgeon.

"_I just told you."_

"_Well, page him again. STAT."_

Derek wasn't available now, and frankly, he wasn't needed. Meredith wasn't a resident now. She was an attending, and she was in charge. _"What do you want to do? Dr. Grey, you need to tell us what you want to do."_

_The machine was flatlining. "Heart stopped!"_

The monitor flat-lined. History was repeating itself. Katie was coding. _"Code blue! Code blue! Code blue!"_

"_Get the crash cart."_ Meredith's heart raced as she grabbed for the crash cart. This never got any easier. After seven years of working at Seattle Grace, seven years of crash cart duty, this was something that never got easier. Maybe it was because as a doctor, you never knew if you were going to be able to revive the patient. You never knew if their heart would start again. She looked at Katie as she prepared the crash cart. Just yesterday she had talked to her. Just yesterday Meredith had brought Zola and Bailey into this room. She was laughing as Zola tried to give her the crumbs of her leftover chocolate chip cookie. She was just a young woman recovering from an appendectomy. A young woman who used to be a devious teenaged girl who had finally grown up. Meredith swallowed. And on top of it all, Katie was also a mother. Her little girl was out there somewhere, probably asking when her mommy was going to come home.

"_Charge pallets to 200."_

"_Charge. Clear."_

Nothing.

_It wasn't working. _

"_Still V-fib. Nothing." _

She was still in V-fib.

"_19 seconds."_

"_Charge them to 300." _

"_300. Anything?" _

"_27 seconds. Charge to 360. Come on, Katie." _

"_49 seconds."_

She and Amelia tirelessly recharged the pallets.

"_It's 60 seconds. You're supposed to admit another drug."_

"Damn it, Katie, come on," Meredith whispered. "Come back for your little girl. Come back for Meredith, she needs you. _I _need you to come back."

"_Charge again. Charge again."_

"_I see sinus rhythm."_

"She's breathing," Amelia whispered.

"_Blood pressure's coming up."_

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. Katie opened her eyes. "You're back," Meredith smiled.

"What happened?" Katie whispered hoarsely.

"_What the hell happened?"_

"_She had a seizure and her heart stopped."_

"_A seizure? You were supposed to be monitoring her."_

"_I checked on her..."_

"_I got her. Just - just go." _She remembered how pissed off Derek had looked.

"_You get a 911, you page me immediately. Not in the five minutes it takes you to get to the emergency. You're on my team, and if someone dies, it's my ass on the line." _Bailey's voice still rang in her head.

Meredith was the attending now. If somebody died, it was her ass on the line.

Meredith glanced at Amelia. "You had a seizure," Amelia explained to the patient. "I don't think we've met. I'm Dr. Shepherd. I'll be taking over for Dr. Nelson."

"Dr. Shepherd?" Katie repeated, and then groggily looked toward Meredith. "Related?"

"She's my sister-in-law," Meredith explained to Katie. Meredith met eyes with Amelia. "Katie was actually a patient of Derek's and mine about eight years ago. She suffered from a subarachnoid hemorrhage after a minor fall."

"Do you think that that's what is happening again?" Katie asked. "Do I have another brain bleed?"

"We'll have to run a few more tests," Amelia said. She pulled Meredith out of the room. "Subarachnoid hemorrhage from a minor fall? There's like a one in a million chance of that happening."

"Oh, believe me, I know. Derek didn't believe it at first, either," Meredith sighed. "But you don't need me anymore. I'm not sure why you paged me in the first place. She's neuro. And I'm willing to bet this has nothing to do with her appy."

"I thought you'd want to work with me, maybe," Amelia insisted.

Meredith chuckled. "Why are you so interested in getting me back into neuro? If I wanted to work neuro, I would have specialized in it."

"You just didn't want to work with Derek, and frankly, I don't blame you…"

"What do you know about that?" Meredith asked. Had Derek really talked to either Amelia or, heaven forbid, Addison about their agreement not to work together in order to save their marriage?

"Oh, the last time I was here, I asked Lexie about why you weren't working with Derek. She told me that you and Derek had gotten into a big argument, so you'd left neuro. She didn't give me specifics. But it makes sense. If something goes wrong in the OR, then it's easy to blame each other. And we both know how Derek doesn't like to be wrong."

Meredith froze at the mention of her late sister. She didn't say a word. But she knew she couldn't be upset with Lexie. She was gone, and there wasn't a passing day Meredith ceased to miss her. She missed her so much that she still found it impossible to talk about her. Meredith swallowed the hard spitball in her moist throat. "I have a surgery soon. Find a resident to assist you on Katie's case," Meredith said blandly and headed off to her surgery. She was early, and that was a good thing. She wasn't about to risk losing another surgery to Bailey.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you all so much for the reviews – they're like candy for writers. Oh, and you'll find out more about the Alex/Izzie/Jo situation primarily through conversations Meredith has with Izzie, Alex, and Jo. I ship both Izzex and Jolex, so admittedly, I'm not even sure who he should choose. You'll get to hear everyone's story, though, and I certainly welcome feedback – who do YOU think he should choose? There's certainly some impending drama to come that I've already written – for everyone involved with this fic (Mainly MerDer + Amelia and the Izzie/Alex/Jo triangle), though I'm also trying to incorporate enough fluff to even out the drama and tension as well. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N1: I'm not sure I'd get used to such fast updates. I always try to make sure I have at least three chapters banked before I post a new chapter, and it just so happens I've been writing a lot lately – I have the next several chapters plotted out in pretty good detail as well. Also, I'm going to D.C. next week (with Derek! … If only), so I probably won't update much, if at all, next week, so I want to update as much as possible this week!**

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><p>She didn't bother waiting for Edwards. Instead, she began prepping her patient, a forty-three year old female who was having a laparoscopic gallbladder removal. The patient was already ready to be rolled into the operating room when Edwards entered the room.<p>

"You've already prepped her?" Dr. Edwards asked. "Look, Dr. Grey, I'm sorry about…"

"It's already forgotten," Meredith cut in, and gave Stephanie a faux smile. The truth was, it wasn't forgotten. She would never forget that Dr. Bailey had taken her surgery. It was done. It was over. And there was nothing she could do about it now. Meredith knew it was her own fault. She should have checked her messages. She should have let Stephanie know she was running late. It wasn't like her not to communicate with her colleagues when she was running late, but she'd been so preoccupied.

The truth was Amelia was a distraction. She claimed she was trying to help, but really she was clouding Meredith's judgment. She'd just shown up, without a head's up, and asked her to adopt her baby. And now she was trying to act like her being there was a good thing. She was trying to make it seem like she actually cared about the people here. And now she was working at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.

What the Hell had Meredith gotten herself into?

She was beginning to wish that she'd followed Derek's orders and had told Amelia to go home. Meredith was just _trying _to be nice to Amelia, though. She was Derek's family. His blood. Meredith hadn't been very welcoming to Derek's family in the past. She and Lizzie had butted heads last year, though Meredith had later realized Lizzie had a point. They were Derek's sisters. Lizzie had donated part of her nerves so Derek could feel in his hand again. It was because of her that Derek could even operate. Hell, Derek wouldn't have even gotten this offer with the president if it weren't for Lizzie. _And life would be so much simpler_.

The bottom line: They were his family.

Also, Meredith missed Lexie, and part of her felt as if she was using Amelia to substitute the piece of her soul that had gone missing when Lexie died. It'd taken her a long time to let Lexie in. Meredith wasn't used to having a family. Blood hadn't meant anything to her when she was growing up. The term family was so foreign. But then she learned to love Lexie. Lexie had been a good sister, and no one could replace her.

But that piece in Meredith's heart was still missing, and having Amelia in Seattle, spending time with her kids, in a way, filled that emptiness she felt.

Though she couldn't accept the fact that Amelia intended to drop her own child on Meredith and Derek's doorstep and disappear. Meredith could tell that Amelia genuinely cared about her niece and nephew, even though she barely knew them. She also seemed to genuinely care about her brother, although the jealousy was in plain sight. Meredith just couldn't wrap her finger around what in Amelia's head would give her the impression that Meredith and Derek were a better fit to raise her child than she herself.

It was a smooth surgery. She barely spoke to Stephanie other than to tell her what to do.

Meredith had about an hour before Derek was scheduled to arrive at the airport. She checked her phone and saw she had a text from Cristina that had been sent only three minutes prior.

_Cristina: Going to grab food. Want to join me?_

Her stomach rumbled. She hadn't eaten since breakfast, and the egg taste still lingered on her taste buds. Meredith texted back. _Meredith: Don't have much time, but would love to catch up. Meet in the cafeteria?_

Cristina texted back almost instantly. _Cristina: Sounds great!_

First, Meredith had to drop off some extra gloves to the supply closet. From outside the closet, she could hear voices.

"How could she do this to me?" she heard Alex crying loudly. His voice was raspy, like he'd been crying. "Who _does _that? Who doesn't tell a man he has a kid? How _could _she?"

_Crap, _Meredith thought, realizing Izzie must have told Alex the truth about Blake. Of course he was upset. He had every right _to be _upset. Meredith's heart ached for Alex.

"I don't know," Meredith heard Jo say softly. "I don't know."

Meredith smiled weakly because Jo was comforting him. Although she wondered what was going through Jo's mind. It couldn't be easy for her. After all, Izzie wasn't just some random woman that Alex had knocked up during a one-night stand. He _had_ actually loved Izzie.

"You don't have to stay," Alex said. "I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore."

"That's crazy talk!" Jo cried. "Alex, I _am not _leaving you. Don't think just because you have a kid now means I'm going to stop loving you. You didn't know. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault your ex-wife is a crazy lunatic."

Meredith creaked the door open. She planned to drop the gloves off and then make a clean getaway, but Alex's face froze on her when she opened the door. His eyes were bloodshot. He'd obviously been crying a lot. Meredith had only seen Alex cry on a couple occasions; one being when he thought Izzie was going to die from cancer. The most recent being when his dad was dying.

"Alex," she said quietly.

"You knew." Alex clenched his fists together and sprung off the ground. He grabbed Meredith's shoulders tightly. "You fucking knew I had a kid, and you didn't tell me. You've known all along, haven't you? You went four fucking years without telling me I have offspring." He shook her shoulders. Her head spun.

"Alex!" Jo cried. "Let her go!" She grabbed Alex's waist, and he loosened his grip on Meredith. Their eyes met as he set her down. The aching pain shined in his eyes. Jo met eyes with Meredith. "Dr. Grey, I am _so _sorry. He's going through a lot right now."

"I know," Meredith said. "It's okay." She turned to Alex and hissed, "And I didn't know. At least until yesterday."

A pager beeped. They all checked their phones. It was Jo's.

"Crap," Jo said. "It's Robbins. I have to go." She put her arm around Alex's waist and kissed his cheek. "It's going to be okay, Alex. I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together."

He didn't look so sure as he watched Jo leave. Meredith and Alex locked eyes.

"Alex, I'm really sorry this is happening to you," Meredith said calmly. "But you've got to believe me when I tell you this. I only found out yesterday, and when I did find out, I told Izzie that she had to tell you. It wasn't my place to tell you. It was hers."

"Okay, okay," Alex rolled his eyes.

"You shouldn't have had to find out like that," Meredith said.

He scowled, rolling his brown eyes. "You think?" He ran his hand across his forehead.

She carefully touched his shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

"Is it?" He pushed her hand away. "I'm not so sure about that. Every time it seems like my life is on track, every time I think I've met the one, something gets fucked up. I can't lose her. Not again."

Meredith didn't know if Alex was talking about Jo or Izzie, and she was afraid to ask.

"It's not fair to Jo," Alex continued. "It's not fair at all. What would you do if that Rose chick that Derek dated when you were separated showed up with his kid in tow? What would _you _do, Mer?"

Meredith's eyes widened. She remembered that Derek had told her Rose had lied to him about being pregnant just to see his reaction. _What if she wasn't lying? _She pushed the thought out of her head immediately. She didn't want to think of the possibility that there might be another mini Derek Shepherd out there. The only mini Derek Shepherd in the world was her son.

"I don't know," she said hoarsely. "He's my husband, so I'd support him, of course. But Derek never loved Rose," Meredith stated, or at least that's what he'd assured her many times and she chose to believe. If he'd loved Rose, he wouldn't have thrown her to the side of the curb after Meredith had built him the house of candles. He hadn't even thought twice about breaking up with Rose. "You loved Izzie, didn't you, Alex?"

Alex was quiet before responding quietly, "She was my first love." A tear rolled down his cheek. "And now I don't what to do. I love Jo so much. I don't want to hurt her."

"Wait," Meredith said carefully. "You're not thinking about leaving Jo for Izzie, are you?"

"I love Jo," Alex said. "But seeing Izzie brings back so many memories." He wiped a tear from his cheek. "I don't know what to do, Mer. I don't. Jo gets me. She gets me in ways that Izzie never did and never could. Izzie hurt me bad. It took me years to mend, and now that I've finally moved on, here she is. It's her M.O. It's what she does."

"Alex, stop," Meredith said. She checked her phone. Ten minutes had passed since she'd last texted Cristina. "Come with me." She grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the supply closet and headed toward the cafeteria.

Cristina was already devouring her salad when Alex and Meredith entered the cafeteria.

"Well, there you are, Mer. I was beginning to think you'd stood me up," Cristina said, looking up from her plate. She then locked eyes with Alex. "What's up, Evil Spawn? You look like roadkill."

"Oh, thanks, because I feel like roadkill," Alex responded dryly.

Then Cristina's mouth rounded as she turned toward Meredith. "Izzie told him, didn't she?"

"Oh, come on, you told her, Mer?" Alex scowled and he rose his voice. "Who the hell else knows in this hospital? Apparently everyone but me!" Silence beckoned within the cafeteria for a moment as everyone now had their eyes on Alex. The silence was followed by distinct whispers.

"I wanted to tell you, but Mer made me promise not to," Cristina said, stuffing her face with food.

"Cristina," Meredith hissed, not happy that she was making the situation worse.

"Nobody else knows, that I know of. I mean, I didn't tell anyone else. I didn't even tell Derek. He knows Izzie's back, but he doesn't know about Blake. Well, he knows about Blake, but he doesn't know he's yours." She looked at Cristina. "You didn't tell anyone else, did you?"

Cristina shook her head. "Nope."

"And keep it that," Alex said roughly and turned around, storming out of the cafeteria.

"Alex! Where are you going?" Meredith called after him. He didn't respond. Meredith looked at Cristina. "You could've been a little more supportive. He just found out he has a kid he didn't know about."

"No can do. Remember I'm an evil monster?" Cristina rolled her eyes and laughed fiendishly.

"Cristina, can we not do this?" Meredith asked desperately. She remembered when Cristina had asked Meredith when she'd become such a monster to her during their last fight while they were getting fitted for April's wedding. "I don't want to fight with you anymore."

"It was supposed to be a joke," Cristina said. "Sheesh, don't take everything so personally."

Meredith rolled her eyes. _Because that's all I do. Take everything personally. _Meredith bit her lip. She didn't want to instigate another fight with Cristina. It was getting old; Cristina putting words in her mouth. It was true. They were drifting apart.

"You know, maybe this was a bad idea," Cristina said carefully.

"Maybe you're right," Meredith said, checking the time on her phone. She had thirty minutes to get to the airport. "You know, I have to pick Derek up at the airport. I should go pick up the kids. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Cristina said with a hint of doubt in her voice.

Meredith's stomach was still rumbling, so she grabbed a sandwich to go and ate it on the way to the Attendings' lounge, where she found April and Jackson eating each other's faces for lunch. They were so into their meals that they apparently failed to notice Meredith enter the room.

"You do realize this isn't an on-call room, right?" she teased. They both flinched and fell apart from each other's mouths.

"Oh, God, Mer-" April stumbled. Her cheeks flushed the color of her hair.

Meredith shrugged. "Nothing I haven't seen already."

"Let's go, April," Jackson said, grabbing April's hand, then whispered in Meredith's ear as he left, "Um, I'd appreciate if you didn't say anything about to, uh, anyone. Especially Webber, because he'd tell my mom. And, um, I'm on already sort of in deep water as is."

Jackson's mother had been pissed when she found out about what her son had done at April's wedding. She deemed it very unprofessional, for a board member _and _the grandson of Harper Avery to make such a fool of himself in front of so many of his co-workers, people he saw every day.

"I won't say a word, though I'd highly advise against sucking face in the Attendings' lounge if you don't want word to get back to Mama Avery. It's not the most private of places." Meredith smiled, and watched as the happy couple left. "Kids today," she said out loud and rolled her eyes.

She changed out of her scrubs and picked the kids up from daycare. Meredith wasn't surprised to find Alex standing outside the daycare window, watching the kids play, when she was on her way out with Zola and Bailey. He appeared dumbstruck.

"Uncle Alex!" Zola cheered and gave Alex a hug. "I misseded you!"

Alex faked a smile for the little girl. "Why, I missed you too, Miss Zola." He locked eyes with Meredith. She could tell he was hurting.

"You okay?" Meredith asked. Alex shook his head.

"He looks like me," Alex whispered. "It's almost creepy how much he looks like me." He let go of Zola and looked through the window. "Watching him...I feel like I'm looking at old photographs of me."

"Have you talked to him?" Meredith asked.

Alex shook his head. "Izzie dropped him off at daycare before she told me. He hasn't met me yet. What am I supposed to do? Walk in there and say, 'Hi, buddy. I'm your dad.'"

"You're in a tough place," Meredith replied. "But you'll figure it out. You always do."

Alex's eyes were set on the little guy, who was playing with Legos with Sofia.

"I want custody of him," Alex said. "Izzie has to give me partial custody of him, doesn't she?"

"You'll have to talk to her about that," Meredith said, Bailey weighing down on her shoulder. "I have to go pick up Derek." She set her free hand on Alex's shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

As she left, she saw Arizona heading toward the daycare. Meredith figured she was on her way to the airport as well. She didn't stop to talk to Arizona, though.

She'd texted Amelia to tell her that she was taking the kids to pick up Derek at the airport. Meredith hadn't bothered tracking Amelia down. Frankly, she thought it was better that she pick Derek up without Amelia. Then she could have a little time with her family before absolute chaos broke out.

The kids were excited, especially Zola. On the ride to the airport, all she talked about was how she couldn't wait to see Daddy. She talked about Daddy taking her fishing, and helping her play doctor, and having a tea party with her. Meredith was glad that she was excited to see Derek, but she was a little sad too. Zola used to be so close to her. She was a Mommy's girl. But she felt like the past few months, the months she'd dedicated to work, had caused her to drift apart from her daughter. And honestly, it scared her. Zola's words were innocent now. But what would happen in a few years when Zola resented her for working instead of going to her dance recitals? Meredith didn't want that to happen.

They arrived five minutes before the plane was scheduled to land. Meredith took the kids to the window so they could watch the planes land.

"Your daddy's going to be on one of those planes," Meredith told Zola and Bailey.

"Will we see him step off?" Zola asked eagerly.

"No, sweetie. He has to walk through the magical tunnel first, then he'll meet us in here," Meredith explained.

"Boo!" Meredith jumped at the high-pitched voice from behind. She swung around to see Arizona holding Sofia's hand. Zola hugged Sofia. "I tried to catch you, but you were walking too fast. I was gonna say, you could ride to the airport with Sofia and me."

"I don't think there'd be room in either of our cars for Callie, Derek, and the three kids," Meredith commented.

"Oh, right," Arizona said. She looked out the window and watched as a plane landed. "Do you think that's their plane?"

Meredith looked at the Arrivals board in front of them. She saw the flight from HNL (Honolulu International Airport) change to _Arrived. _The flight right below HNL was DCA (Reagan International Airport). It had taken off at 11:45 a.m. Eastern time. It was still in the air.

Meredith's heart pounded in her chest as moments passed, and the status of her husband's flight hadn't changed.

Twenty minutes passed.

Flights came in and out, but the status of the DCA flight didn't change. She looked at Arizona. She could sense the panic in Arizona's face as well.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?" Zola tugged on Meredith's hand.

"Where Mommy?" Sofia whimpered.

"They're still on their way," Arizona explained, putting a smile on her face for the kids. "Right, Meredith?"

"Yeah," Meredith said. "They'll be here in any minute."

Both Zola and Sofia were too young to remember the crash that had claimed Sofia's dad's and Zola's aunt's lives. Memories of that crash still haunted Arizona's and Meredith's thoughts, though. The memories especially terrorized them since both of their spouses were supposedly still in the air right now and the statuses of their planes had not changed on the board, even though should have already arrived.

_Maybe their flights were delayed, _Meredith hoped as she nervously approached the front desk. "Excuse me," she said, her heart pounded fiercely in her chest. "Can you tell me the status of a flight from Washington D.C.? It was supposed to land twenty minutes ago."

_Oh, God, _she thought. _This can't be happening. _

Hope for the best. Expect the worst.

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><p><strong>AN2: Dun, dun dun… cliffy! **

**This chapter was actually written entirely before 10x13 aired. I know Mertina are on the mend, and I'm certainly happy about that. Still, I feel like words were said that couldn't be taken back and they'll never be as close as they were before - which I was trying to show with this chapter. Cristina was making a joke, but Meredith thought she was making a reference to their fight, even though she wasn't. It just shows how much they've grown apart and don't know each other as well anymore. Don't worry, there will still be happy Mertina moments in this fanfic. :) And yes, Cristina will leave eventually. :'(**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Anyone else still high on MerDer feels from 10x14? I know I am! I've re-watched the last scene probably one hundred times already.**

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><p>The woman at the desk was staring worriedly at her computer screen. Meredith's heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. Arizona put her hand on Meredith's shoulder. Arizona's face was terror-struck as well. Little Sofia had already lost one parent to aircraft.<p>

"Mama, what wrong?" Zola whimpered, tugging at her mother's shirt.

"Uh," Meredith stumbled to find words to convince her three-year-old that everything would be all right. Everything _had _to be all right. There had to be a decent explanation as to why Derek and Callie's flight had not yet landed. There just had to be. _She wasn't ready to be a widow. _Derek had to be all right. "We're just trying to find your daddy, Love Bug."

"Is Daddy okay?" She didn't want to lie to Zola; the last thing wanted was for something to be wrong and then have to explain to her little girl that something catastrophic had happened. Meredith couldn't even begin to fathom telling Zola that she would never see her father again. Zola would then resent her for lying to her for the rest of the life.

"I don't know, baby. I hope so."

"You said he be here already," Zola pointed out.

Meredith's heart sunk in her chest. She'd _already _lied to Zola, even though not intentionally. She'd actually believed Derek would be here by now. He was supposed to be here already. Meredith would never intentionally lie to her daughter.

"I thought he would be," Meredith told the three-year-old and murmured under her breath, "He was supposed to be."

"I'm sure everything's all right, girls," Arizona chipped in; she pulled off her usual happy demeanor. Meredith didn't know how Arizona could look _so _happy, even when she wasn't. After all the terrible things that had happened to Arizona this past year, including losing her leg, she managed to put on a show, like she was happy. Meredith had never been that bright and shiny person. In fact, for most of her life, she considered bright and shiny people to be fake. Nobody was _that _happy, were they?

She didn't know if Arizona was fake. She didn't know much about Arizona at all. Other than she cheated on Callie last spring, but that was none of her business. Meredith didn't even want to fathom Derek cheating on her. After Owen had cheated on Cristina, she made Derek promise to never cheat on her. Meredith was sure she would never be able to forgive him if he did.

Yet Cristina had forgiven Owen, and Callie had apparently forgiven Arizona. It wasn't Meredith's place to judge. She just hoped she would never be in that situation.

She trusted Derek. Or at least she tried to. She couldn't help but be jealous from time to time. Admittedly, it did bother her that Derek followed and liked Addison's Instagram photos, but she knew it shouldn't matter. Addison had moved on too. She was all the way in Los Angeles, and Derek was with Meredith.

_It didn't matter._

Who her husband followed on Instagram wasn't a priority now, though. Her biggest priority was seeing her husband land safely.

"Ah, here we are," the woman behind the desk said. "Hm, that's odd."

"What?" Meredith's heart jumped.

"It looks like the flight from DCA landed twenty minutes ago. I'm not sure why…"

"Meredith?" Meredith jumped when she heard her husband's voice from behind. She twirled around and saw Derek holding his suitcase. Her face lit up.

"Daddy!" Zola cried and ran over to Derek. Derek set his suitcase down and scooped his daughter into his arms. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too, Zo." Derek kissed Zola's forehead. Meredith walked over to Derek with her son in her arms. His eyes sparkled in the light and he locked eyes with his wife. He opened his arms and embraced his wife and son in his arms. He kissed Meredith's cheek and then gave Bailey a peck on the forehead. "I think you have grown, Bails." His eyes widened.

"What about me Daddy?" Zola asked, standing up straight, arching her back. "Have I growed?"

Derek laughed, and put his hand on Zola's head. "I think so, baby girl."

"Yay!" Zola clapped. "I growed!"

Derek chuckled, and his eyes aimlessly wandered around the airport. "Where's Amy?" he asked his wife.

"Oh, she's at the hospital," Meredith said, holding back the detail that Hunt had offered his sister a position at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. She would save that detail for atr. Derek raised his eyebrows and met eyes with Arizona.

"W-Where's Call-"

"Arizona! Sofia!" Callie appeared, rolling her suitcase.

"Momma!" Sofia cried and met her mother with a hug.

"I was worried about you," Arizona said, giving Callie a kiss on the cheek. "Apparently the arrivals board was broken, because it didn't say that your plane had landed. Of course we thought the worst." Arizona looked at Meredith, who nodded, gazing at Derek. She studied his face closely. The wrinkles under his eyelids were visible; he looked tired and worn out, but his eyes dazzled when he looked at his family. Meredith felt the tension in her body release, now knowing her husband was safe on the ground and had come back to her, Zola, and Bailey-for now. She dreaded the thought of him leaving again, the thought of going through what she'd just gone through again, going through that every single time Derek traveled did not seem appealing. And it wouldn't get easier. Every time her husband got on a plane, every time she dropped him off at the airport, she would wonder if he would return safely.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Callie frowned then shrugged, "Well, we made it here in one piece, and I have to say, I don't ever think I want to do _that _again. I can't handle being away from my wife and baby for so long." She scooped Sofia into her arms, and looked at Derek. "It was hard, wasn't it?"

Derek nodded, wrapping one arm around Meredith and Bailey. "It was." Meredith leaned in and pressed her lips against Derek's cold cheek. She pressed her nose against his stubble and felt the rough patches prick her nose. She personally preferred him to be clean shaven, but she knew that he liked to have a little stubble. Often times he wouldn't shave unless she said something. There were times Meredith suspected he only shaved for her, which she thought was sweet. She just loved when his face was smooth and silky.

"So, I was thinking," Callie began. "Since we're all _here _already, why don't we go grab dinner together? I was thinking p-i-z-z-a." She winked, since neither Sofia nor Zola could spell yet. Both could sing their ABCs, though. It wouldn't be long before the girls started reading too. Zola loved to be read to and had memorized _Cinderella _and a few other children's books. She liked to "read" them out loud.

"Sounds great!" Arizona chirped, smiling toward Meredith and Derek. Meredith frowned as she studied Derek's face. He looked deep in thought.

"_Pwease,_" Zola tugged at Derek's hand. Derek shook his head, and looked at Meredith with sad eyes.

"Actually, Daddy needs to go to work for a little bit," Derek gently told Zola.

"Oh, come on," Callie scowled, rolling her eyes. "You _just _got back from D.C., and you already need to go to the hospital? Derek, what could you possibly need to do at the hospital? You should be spending time with your family and relaxing for a few hours before even _thinking _about stepping foot inside that hospital."

"I have work to get done," Derek protested.

Zola stuck her lip out. "But, Daddy, you _gots _to go. I misses you." Zola tugged on her daddy's hand, and Derek let out a sigh.

"Derek, what work could you possibly have to do that's more important than your family?" Callie insisted. Zola crossed her arms together and stuck her lower lip out. For a three-year-old, she could be so sassy.

"I happen to have a very important patient to check on," Derek told Callie. He kneeled on one knee and placed his hand on Zola's shoulder. "I know you've missed me, baby girl, and I've missed you too. I'll make it up to you tonight, I promise. We'll have a tea party, and you can dress Daddy up as a princess. How's that sound?" Zola's arms were still crossed together, and finally she released a reluctant sigh.

"Okay," Zola said. "But you is wearing the pink pwincess crown."

Derek laughed. "Okay, it's a deal, sweetheart." A year ago, the pink crown was Zola's favorite, but her grandmother had gotten her a new silver crown with purple gems for Christmas. It was now her favorite, and she didn't like the pink one anymore.

Meredith tilted her head. She knew that Derek didn't want to stop by the hospital to check on a patient. In fact, his reasoning for wanting to go to the hospital _was _family-related. He wanted to talk to his sister in person. And she didn't blame him. They did need to talk, and he deserve to know his sister's real intentions for coming to Seattle.

Meredith exhaled, and patted Zola's head. "How about this," Meredith began her proposal, looking in her daughter's chocolate brown eyes. "Why don't you go with Aunt Callie, Aunt Arizona, and Sofia to dinner, and your daddy and I will pick you up later? And we'll all have a princess tea party together."

"You're not coming, either, Mer?" Callie asked with disappointment in her voice.

Meredith shook her head, looking at Derek. "Derek and I have some things we need to take care of…" Her eyes turned to Arizona. Meredith frowned, "His sister's in town."_ And she's a patient of Arizona's. _Meredith bit her lip. Arizona's blue eyes widened.

"Oh, right!" Arizona gasped. "Hey, no problem. You two go ahead. We'll take Bailey, too. You can pick them up at our place later."

Meredith's mouth rounded. "A-Are you sure?" she asked, hugging her son. "I mean, two kids can be a handful. Are you sure you're up for three? I mean, Bailey's teething and everything. He can be a little cranky at times…" Bailey was gently sucking on his blue pacifier, quiet as a bee.

Callie looked at Arizona, and she smiled. "Arizona's right. It's no big deal." She opened her arms and took Bailey from Meredith's arms. "Hey, little guy! It's your Aunt Callie, and you're gonna have a _fun time _with Me, Aunt Arizona, Cousin Sofia, and your big sissy." Bailey immediately started fussing. He reached for his father. Derek sighed.

"I have his teething ring in the car," Meredith offered. She gave her son a kiss on the forehead. "It's gonna be okay, baby."

Meredith's heart ached as she handed Bailey's diaper bag and car seat to Callie and Arizona. She handed Bailey his teething ring, which settled him down almost immediately. She released a sigh of relief, but the fact that he wasn't crying anymore didn't make her feel any less horrible. They both said goodbye to the kids and watched as Callie and Arizona settled the kids in their car. She started to tear up.

"Are you crying?" Derek asked as he opened the door of the driver's side. She glared at him and he shrugged. "I've been relying on the Metro and taxis for three days. I'm driving." She threw the keys at his face. "Ouch," Derek mouthed. "If you really want to drive…"

"How can you act like it's no big deal?" Meredith spat, opening the passenger's door and sitting down. Derek sat in driver's seat and stuck the key in the ignition and turned on the car. "You've been gone for days. All Zola has talked about is her daddy, then you come back and...you abandon them. And the worst part is I'm going with you. They're going to resent us when they're older. Zola's at an age where she's going to start remembering these things!" Meredith set her head in her palms and wept.

"Meredith," Derek said calmly as he began driving. "Do you really think that twenty years from now Zola is going to remember her mom and dad leaving her at the airport with her best friend? No, she's going to remember the great time she had with her best friend, Sofia. Those are the kind of memories she's going to cherish."

Meredith's nose rattled as she inhaled snot. She nodded. "You're right. She's lucky to have a friend her own age. I wish I'd had someone my own age to play with when I was her age. I-I just don't want to turn into my mother, letting my children be raised by total strangers."

"Meredith, you're not your mother, we've already established that, and Callie and Arizona aren't total strangers," Derek protested. "They're our friends. They're like family. Zola calls them her aunts. They're not random nannies."

Meredith nodded. There had been a point in her life that she had a new nanny every couple months. It had been infuriating as a child, and she would never put her children through that horror. Some nannies were nice. Some weren't. Everyone had their own set of rules. Some let her eat ice cream. Some took her to the park. Others were on the phone with their boyfriends all day and didn't pay any attention to her. Each time she had a new nanny it was a guessing game. Would she be nice, or would she be evil? She couldn't imagine putting Zola and Bailey through that.

"We won't be at the hospital long," insisted Derek. "I'll walk in there, find Amelia, find out what she wants, and then we'll go pick up the kids from Callie and Arizona's. Just enough time for the kids to eat pizza and have a little fun. Okay, Meredith?"

She clenched her teeth together. "Uh, what makes you think that Amelia _wants _something?"

Derek laughed. "Because she's Amelia. She doesn't just casually come visit me. I don't know what she told you, but her coming here to _help _me is a cover up for something else. I know my sister. She wants something, because that's how Amelia works."

Meredith swallowed. "Um, Derek, there's something you should know…"

"What's that?" Derek quickly glanced at Meredith while keeping one eye on the road.

"Hunt offered Amelia a position at the hospital." Meredith felt the words escape her mouth, and she prepared herself for Derek's reaction.

Derek instantly stomped on the brakes even though the light was green. The resistance from her seat belt securely forced her back into her seat as she jolted forward and the belt tightened, digging into her shoulder and stomach. She was fortune she'd remembered to put the seat belt on, otherwise she was sure she would have flown through the window. Before she'd had children, she was admittedly guilty of forgetting to wear a seatbelt. Now she always did, because she wanted to set a good example for her children.

Luckily, there were no cars behind them. "He what?" Derek's bright blue eyes flashed toward his wife. Meredith could see the hostility in her husband's face as he hotly glared at her.

Meredith swallowed, her cheeks burned. "I-I guess Hunt fired Nelson, or that's what Amelia told me anyway."

"I am going to kill Hunt." Derek gritted his teeth together tightly.

"No, you're not. Now, drive. We're five minutes from the hospital," Meredith insisted, motioning for her husband to take his foot off the brake.

Derek exhaled, and the car slowly started to move again.

"You don't have any other surprises for me, Meredith, do you? Because if you do, you better tell me now, before I storm into that hospital and demand Hunt fire Amelia immediately."


	16. Chapter 16

Meredith twiddled her thumbs as she looked at herself in the car's side mirror. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She hadn't had time to do anything special with it that morning, especially after her shower time had been abruptly interrupted. Her bangs dangled sloppily in her face. She wasn't wearing eyeliner or mascara. She felt like her age was showing. Meredith had always believed in natural beauty. She wasn't keen on eyeliner and foundation. But after Bailey was born, she started to notice the dark circles and wrinkles under her eyelids. She'd spent five years as a surgical resident, years full of sleepless nights. At least she could sleep on her days off, though, if she chose to. Meredith hadn't truly experienced a sleepless _week _and _month _until she'd encountered the joy of having a newborn in her care. Newborns were unpredictable. She never knew when Bailey was going to wake up. Now, he mostly slept through the night, but what kept her awake at night the fact she didn't know _if _he was going to wake up. And what if he woke up, she was asleep, and didn't hear his cries? That's what worried her. So she often lay awake at night, waiting to hear his cries.

It'd gotten better in recent weeks, but she still felt like all the sleepless nights had imprinted on her skin. She looked weary all the time, so she'd started wearing more make-up, more foundation, and more eyeliner, in hopes of hiding away the wrinkles. To erase a few years off her face.

Derek always told her she looked beautiful, whether she wore make-up or not, but she wasn't sure she believed him. After all, he was her husband. He was supposed to make her feel better, not worse.

Meredith's stomach twisted into knots. She thought about telling Derek the truth about Amelia. She'd held off telling him for this long, though, and she'd told Amelia that she could tell him. Besides, it wasn't really _her _place to spring this on Derek. It was Amelia's.

"You just need to talk to your sister," Meredith told Derek. "Seriously, Derek, don't go to Owen. She's your sister, for God's sake. Give her a break."

"You know something," Derek said suspiciously as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. "See, I knew it wasn't just about Amelia wanting to help out. She told you what she wants, didn't she?" He parked the car, and took the keys out of the ignition. While they were still in the car, he turned toward his wife. "Just tell me, Meredith. Tell me what you know."

"You really need to talk to Amelia," Meredith replied quietly.

"Mmm." Derek opened the car door. Meredith was beginning to wish she'd gone with Callie, Arizona, and the kids, but she knew this was something she and Derek needed to face together. It involved them both. Meredith knew Derek was going to be angry with her for not telling him everything from the beginning, but in the end, Meredith figured, he would be more upset with Amelia once he found out the truth. They were walking into the hospital side-by-side, and Derek stopped and turned to his wife. "She knew I was in D.C., didn't she? She came here to talk to _you_ first because she, whatever it is, it would freak me out. She's using you to get what she wants out of me, isn't she?"

Meredith didn't say anything.

"Meredith, is it true?"

Meredith mumbled, admitting, "She saw your post on Instagram."

"She always was conniving," Derek hissed and moved toward Owen's office.

"Derek!" Meredith called after him, but he proceeded to barge into Chief Hunt's office. Meredith ran after her husband. "Don't-"

Owen was sitting at his desk, apparently buried in paperwork. He looked up as Derek and Meredith entered the room.

"Derek, you're ba-"

"Where is she?" Derek demanded. "Where is my sister? I hear you've hired her, without consulting me first."

"I didn't realize I had to consult _you _before making hiring decisions for _my _staff," Owen answered.

"It's my department," Derek retorted. "I'm Head of Neurosurgery. I think I should at least have a say in who is part of _my _department."

"Well, I don't remember you caring before." Owen said, and he looked at Meredith. Meredith shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"Where is she? Where's Amy?" Derek demanded again. He folded his arms again.

"Derek," Meredith said quietly.

"She's in surgery," Owen said. "If I were you, and I wanted to talk to a colleague, I would recommend paging her. It usually works better than barging into the chief's office and demanding he tell you where she is."

"Okay, that's not fair," Derek retorted.

"You of all people should know life's not fair," Owen answered. "Now get the Hell out of my office, Shepherd, before I have to fire one of the Shepherds on my staff, and it's _not _going to be her."

"You can't fire me," Derek said. "I'm on the board, _and _my long distance consulting with the president is bringing millions to this hospital. You wouldn't."

"Oh, I wouldn't bet on it. Get out, Shepherd."

"Come on, Derek," Meredith grabbed Derek's hand. "Come on." Derek sighed reluctantly and left Owen's office with her.

"He was bluffing," Derek said furiously. "He wouldn't fire me."

"I know," Meredith said calmly, wrapping her arm around Derek's lower back and leaning into him. "I know." She rubbed his back gently and felt his lungs exhale as he released a sigh. She moved her hand up to his chest, where she could feel his heart racing through the cloth of his cotton blue polo shirt. "Relax, Derek," she said. "It's not going to do you any good to approach Amelia when you're like this. Anger has never gotten you far." She guided him into the empty Attendings' lounge, where they both took a seat on the couch.

He nodded. "You're right," he admitted. "But how does she expect me to react? I leave for D.C. for a few days, and I come back to find out my sister's in town and didn't bother to tell me that she was coming? Plus, on top of that, she's taken a job at _my hospital, _again without even telling me? Does she expect me to welcome her with open arms? It'd be different if she'd contacted me herself."

"Would it, though?" Meredith inquired, and saw Derek's dark eyebrow raise. "I mean, would you have answered your phone?"

"Of course I would," Derek insisted. "It's not like we were on bad terms, at least before. We exchanged emails every now and then. She sent me patient scans occasionally when she didn't know what to do, and I'd offer her suggestions."

"Mmm," Meredith murmured. "Do you do that with Addison?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing, it's just...something Amelia said…"

"Oh, God, Meredith. What did my little sister say now?" Derek let out an obnoxious sigh.

"Well, it's not really what she said. It's what she knew. She seemed to know an awful lot about what's been going on here in Seattle, and she implied that you and Addison were still in contact…"

"We're still friends," Derek admitted like it was nothing. "Does that bother you? I mean, we don't talk _that _often. Every now and then. She sends me scans sometimes, too."

"You favorited her selfie on Instagram," Meredith pointed out.

"Her what?"

"Selfie—it's modern terminology for _self-portrait_. I was posting a picture of the kids, and I saw you'd favorited some of her photos…"

Derek laughed. "I don't even know _how _to favorite a picture on Instagram. I was scrolling through the pictures that appeared on my account. I did see some pictures she'd posted, but if I _favorite _them like you say, it was on accident."

"Oh," Meredith chuckled lightly. She placed her hand on his upper thigh and gazed into his dreamy, but tired looking, blue eyes. He let out a sigh and covered her small, bony hand with his large hand. His had skin had warmed up since they'd left the airports, perhaps because of the blood that throbbed through his veins as his anger thrived. The warmth from his skin radiated against hers.

"Like I said, Addison and I are only friends. Nothing more. If that bothers you—"

"Oh, it doesn't," Meredith cut in, placing her other hand on top of his. She leaned in closer to him. "I get it. You were married for twelve years. Obviously she's always going to be part of your life, and that's great. In fact, maybe I should shoot her an email or something. We're all adults. No reason why we can't all be friends."

She half smiled, and she knew it was true. She hadn't considered Addison a threat in a long time; after all, she was all the way in L.A. now, and even so, Derek was in love with Meredith. He was the father of their children. Addison was nothing more than his ex-wife who was also his friend. There wasn't anything wrong with being civil with an ex. People did it all the time.

"YOU COULDN'T HAVE PICKED UP THE PHONE _ONCE _IN FOUR YEARS TO TELL ME ABOUT MY SON?" The screams were coming from outside the Attendings' lounge. Meredith looked over at Derek, whose eyes widened. They took their hands off each other.

"Seriously, Alex? Lower your voice! The whole hospital doesn't need to know our business!" Izzie's voice shrieked. "And I'm sorry! I know should have called. Believe me, I wanted to, but don't forget _you _were the one who told me to go. You said you deserved better than me. What was I supposed to do?"

"YOU LEFT!" Alex left. "YOU DIDN'T SAY A DAMN WORD. YOU JUST LEFT. HOW DID YOU EXPECT ME TO REACT? YOU WAITED UNTIL I WAS ACTUALLY MOVING ON TO COME BACK. SOUNDS LIKE YOUR M.O. I MEAN LOOK AT YOU. I'M HAPPY. I'VE FINALLY FOUND FIXED WHAT YOU BROKE. I GOT MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK, AND I'M IN LOVE. THEN YOU COME MARCHING BACK INTO THIS HOSPITAL, TO SCREW EVERYTHING UP."

"I never asked you for a thing!" Izzie cried. "I never asked you to support your son. I never asked you for money. I didn't even know you still worked here when I accepted the job! You don't have to associate with me."

"YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECT US TO WORK IN THIS HOSPITAL AND ACT LIKE WE DON'T HAVE A CHILD? YOU'RE A LUNATIC, AREN'T YOU?"

"Alex, stop! You're making a fool of yourself. We could go talk somewhere more private…"

"HAH, LIKE THAT'S EVER GOING TO HAPPEN. LEAVE ME ALONE, IZZIE. DON'T TALK TO ME AGAIN. I'M GETTING A DAMN LAWYER, AND I'M GONNA GET CUSTODY OF BLAKE. HE NEEDS A PARENT WHO'S NOT GOING TO LIE TO HIM EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE."

The door swung open, and an infuriated Alex entered the Attendings' lounge. He looked at Meredith and Derek on the couch and rolled his eyes. Alex opened the refrigerator and took out a Coke and plopped his ass on a chair on the other side of the lounge, then opened the can and took a sip of the soda pop.

"Do you want to talk?" Meredith asked quietly.

Alex shook his head. "Nope."

Meredith nodded in understanding, and she got off the couch and went over and set her hand on Alex's shoulder. "It's going to be okay." She noticed tears welling in Alex's eyes, but it was obvious that he was fighting them. "It'll be okay, Alex." He shook his head and finally let loose, as tears started to stream down his cheeks.

Meredith gently rubbed his back to comfort him.

"So you've already said," Alex crossly replied, pushing her hand away.

Derek's phone beeped. He looked down at his phone. "It's Amelia. I texted her and told her to text me when she was out of surgery. She's on her way here."

"I'm out of here," Alex muttered harshly, taking his soda with him as he left the lounge.

"Do I want to know?" Derek asked after Alex had left the room.

Meredith shook her head. "Remember Izzie's son that you heard in the background last night?" Derek nodded. "Well, uh, he's Alex's."

"Wow," Derek's eyes widened and he mouthed, "Poor Alex. I'm beginning to think I've missed a lot, and that's just being in D.C. for four days."

Meredith solemnly nodded, "Oh, you have." She walked back over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You might want to consider not leaving for such long periods of time."

His pearly white teeth broke through his sweet smile. "I think you're right." He pulled her in closer to him and embraced her as she fell into his lap and their lips collided. His hands gently grasped onto her hips. His soft lips worked their way down her neck, and she giggled as his lips touched the sensitive spot on her collarbone. In that moment, her nerves were on fire. She'd missed him so much. Her heart began to race, and just for a moment, she felt like everything was normal again. Whatever normal was, anyway. She was just enjoying being in Derek's arms again.

Then the door swung open again. Amelia walked through the door while Meredith was still on Derek's lap. She was wearing her baggy navy blue scrubs and her white coat; her baby bump was well hidden at that moment.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt you two again," Amelia said with a teasing smirk on her face.

"You're not interrupting anything," Meredith responded slyly, having not forgotten that Amelia had seen her completely naked the night before as she slid into the seat next to Derek. She looked at her husband, whose smile had faded as he observed his little sister enter the lounge. Meredith felt a little hypocritical, because it was only a few hours ago she'd chewed April and Jackson out for swapping spit in the lounge. April and Jackson had been having a heated make-out session, though. She'd just shared a tender moment with her husband whom she'd not seen in several days.

"Uh-huh," Amelia raised her eyebrows and peered toward Derek. "Well, big bro, aren't you gonna say hi to your little sis and give her a hug?"

Derek crossed his arms as he gave his sister a very stern look. "Maybe after you tell me what you're really doing here, Amy. I hear Hunt offered you a position."

Amelia's blue eyes narrowed toward Meredith and then she turned back to her brother. "Did you, now?" Her voice deepened with curiosity. "What else have you heard?"

"Not a whole lot, now take a seat, Amy, and spill," Derek demanded with a smile on his face. The pressure of Meredith's bladder pushed against her stomach causing it to ache. Ever since she'd given birth to her son, her ability to hold onto her pee had weakened tremendously. She stood up and began heading toward the door. Derek reacted quickly, grabbing her hand. "Where do you think you're going, Meredith?"

"Bathroom. I have to pee," Meredith gasped, trying to break away from Derek but his grip was too tight.

"Oh, you're not going anywhere. Sit down," Derek laughed as he pulled her back to the couch and set her next to him.

"But I have to pee!" Meredith protested, crossing her legs so urine didn't spill into her pants.

"I always have to pee after sex too," Amelia nodded exasperating a sigh like she'd not divulged anything personal at all.

Meredith's jaw dropped. "Amelia!" she spat. "We were fully clothed, and God, I think this is one of the only rooms in the hospital we _haven't _had sex, not that it's any of your business, but this is the _Attendings' _lounge." She nudged Derek and whispered, "And you used to think _I _was pervy for a girl." Derek chuckled at that comment.

"Hey, sorry, I grew up with Derek as my only role model. My sisters were all busy chasing boys, getting married, and having kids of their own by the time I came along. You can blame Derek for any and all of my flaws and perviness," Amelia insisted with a smirk on her face.

"Her first word was sex," admitted Derek, with a sigh. "Mom was _not _happy with me."

Meredith's eyes opened wide. "How much older are you?"

"Seven years," Derek replied.

"He was eight," added Amelia. "And you wonder why I'm so corrupted."

"Derek!" Meredith scolded.

She suddenly wasn't so sure how comfortable she felt about Amelia being alone with her kids. If Zola suddenly started saying inappropriate words, Meredith would immediately know who to suspect. How much damage was already done?

Then again, Meredith hadn't gotten this dirty vibe off Amelia until Derek had gotten home. Surely she was just acting like this because he was her brother, and she had in fact walked in on them doing dirty things the night before. Meredith still couldn't believe that _her husband _had taught his baby sister to say the word "sex" when he was eight years old. That didn't sound like the Derek she knew, who was so amazing with kids. The Derek who wouldn't even say the word "crap" in front of Zola, because he was afraid she would repeat it. He always substituted it with "poopoo." Meredith found it actually quite adorable. Especially when he was in the middle of saying the word, and he would say "Cra-poopoo."

"But I did not introduce her to drugs," Derek muttered under his breath.

"I heard that!" Amelia hissed.

Meredith nudged Derek and murmured softly in his ear, "I really do have to pee." He was still gripping rather tightly onto her hand.

"You can pee after Amy tells me why she specifically chose to come to Seattle when she knew I was out of town, because I _know _you know why, Meredith," Derek said as he studied his sister. "So, Amy, spill."

"Just tell him," Meredith scowled at her sister-in-law.

And, to both of their surprises, Amelia lifted up her shirt.

Amelia's round bump was in plain sight. Meredith felt Derek's grip on her hand loosen. "Y-You're pregnant?" he asked, and Amelia nodded. "So, you came all the way to Seattle to tell me that you're pregnant in person?" Derek asked as he sprung off the couch and wrapped his arms around his little sister. Amelia's face flushed red and she didn't say anything. "Congratulations, Amy." A tear sprawled in Derek's eye. "I can't believe my baby sister is having a baby."

Meredith raised an eyebrow at Amelia. "Uh-hem," Meredith coughed and squirmed in her seat. She could feel her bladder filling and the pressure against her stomach aching. She didn't know how much longer she could hold it in. "Tell him the rest," she told Amelia, and Amelia frowned.

"Tell me the rest? What? Is everything okay with the baby, Amy?" Derek asked, his concerned eyes perished the sudden joy that had overtaken his face.

"Um, yeah," Amelia said, "other than the fact he has a congenital pulmonary stenosis, but Dr. Yang and Dr. Robbins explained it's not a big deal, and Dr. Robbins will take good care of him once he's born. She seems really nice. A little perky but nice. I bet kids love her."

Derek looked at Meredith, his eyes wide, and he exhaled a sigh. "I thought Arizona looked like she knew something at the airport." Meredith was shaking as she continued to hold in the bladder.

"Tell him the rest," Meredith grunted and clenched her teeth together.

"Um," Amelia sighed. "I was kinda, uh, hoping that you and Meredith would be willing to adopt my baby."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, so I feel really bad for leaving you guys with this cliffy, because I'm leaving for D.C. in a few days and I have a lot to get done still before I leave. I'm not sure if I'll get a chapter out before I leave or not. I may or may not write while I'm in D.C., depending on if I can find the time and how high my muse is for this story. Obviously, it's been pretty high lately. Thank you all for the great feedback, it certainly helps with my muse!**


	17. Chapter 17

Silence. Derek was silent. _Too _silent. Meredith's legs were now crossed together so tightly. She inhaled and exhaled slowly as she waited for Derek's reaction. Goosebumps crawled up her arms. Amelia's face was blank as she stared at her brother; she looked scared, as if she was waiting for him to yell at her.

"Are you gonna say something, Derek?" Amelia finally asked her brother. "I just kinda dropped a bombshell on you, and you're not saying anything. I asked you if you would raise my child."

And it all happened all of a sudden. Derek started to snicker. He proceeded to burst into full-fledged laughter. He was laughing uncontrollably. Meredith locked eyes with Amelia, who shrugged nervously.

"I'm sorry," Derek said as he caught his breath. Tears spilled out of his eye sockets as he tried to control his laughter. "Really, I am. You're not serious, right, Amy? Because if you were…then, I'd have to ask…what the Hell is wrong with you? Have you lost the little common sense left in you? Does Addison know you're here? Because the last time I recall, she was having baby fever. She just adopted a little boy, I'm sure she wouldn't mind raising your kid too."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "See, this _isn't _what I wanted. I knew you'd be an ass about it. That's why I came here to talk to Mer, so I could get her on board and then she could convince you that it's a good idea."

"You obviously do not know my wife very well," Derek said with a snicker. He looked at Meredith. "Right, Meredith?"

Meredith exhaled the air in her lungs. She didn't say anything, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold her bladder.

"And what about the baby's dad?" Derek spat at Amelia. "You couldn't come to Christmas out east because you were supposedly with your boyfriend. Is this the same guy who's the kid's father?"

"He doesn't know," Amelia said. "And yes, it's the same guy."

"Then why haven't you told him? Are you still together? Surely you're not, because otherwise you wouldn't have accepted a position so far away from Los Angeles."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I don't have to answer questions about my personal life to you, Derek. It's none of your business."

"Amelia Carolyn Shepherd, you just asked me if I would adopt _your _baby. I think I'm entitled to ask questions. I need to know the circumstances, because from my perspective, it looks like you've not thought this through clearly."

Amelia snickered. "_You _want to lecture me about thinking things through? Okay, big brother, who's accepted a position that requires you to travel and be away from your wife and children for days at a time. It doesn't seem like _you _thought through a whole lot before accepting the job, did you, Mr. Bigshot? Of course, it's your M.O. You get bored with one wife, so you distance yourself from her until she gets lonely and tired of you being away, so she cheats. Then you blame her and move across the country and find a younger woman. That's it, isn't it, Derek? That's exactly what you're doing _again_."

Derek froze as he turned his head toward his wife. Meredith's heart pounded. She wanted nothing more than to strangle Amelia right now. Meredith clenched her fists together.

"Take it back," Derek hissed. "You did _not_ just say that."

"You know, unless you want me to pee all over this couch, and I'm pretty sure the rest of the attendings, and the board for that matter, wouldn't be very happy about that because then they'd have to purchase a new couch for the lounge, because no one wants to sit on a couch that's been peed on! So, _I'm _going to the bathroom now." Meredith stood up straight, and she made a dash for the door.

"You know, I have to pee, too," Amelia announced and added, "Baby's pressing on my bladder."

"Oh, come on, you women can't just drop a bombshell like that on me and both run away from me! Meredith, you were just saying yesterday how your hands are full and you don't want more kids right now… you don't actually think…"

Meredith swung around and looked at her husband and she spat, "And you were just talking about how much you'd _love _to have another baby, but I really need to pee right now so that's all that is on my mind right now. I'll be right back and we can all talk about this." She glared at Amelia for a split second. She dashed out of the lounge. Her heart was racing anxiously in her chest as she ran toward the bathroom; she didn't even look back to see if Amelia followed after her. If she did, there was a chance Meredith would find herself pounding her fist into Amelia's skull. Meredith's biggest concern was making it to the bathroom. Amelia and her baby issues were the farthest things from her mind.

She tried not to let what Amelia had said sink in too deep. Derek had said many times how he didn't like being away from her and his family. She knew he'd wanted the job, simply because it was such a prestigious honor, but he didn't like the travel that accompanied it. Amelia had no idea what she was even saying.

She made a run for the first open stall in the bathroom and unbuttoned and pulled down her jeans, breathing a huge sigh of a relief as her bottom hit the toilet and the pee gushed out of her urethra and splashed into the toilet water. She had made it just in time.

Amelia was already washing her hands when Meredith exited the stall. Being a doctor and a mom, hygiene was essential to Meredith. She'd taught Zola to sing _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star _when she was washing her hands, so she made sure to wash away all the germs. Now, every time Meredith washed her hands, she hummed the song silently in her head.

"So, does this mean you're on my side?" Amelia asked, interrupting Meredith's mental humming of _like a diamond in the sky, _as she turned the water off, and she'd gone over to dry her hands.

Meredith's jaw dropped. "W-what? Excuse me?" What were they, twelve? Meredith didn't consider herself to be on anyone's side. Meredith had lost track of the song, but she decided she'd been scrubbing her hands for long enough. She turned off the faucet and walked toward the blow drier. Just before she placed her hands under the drier to turn on the drier, she heard a weak, nearby sob. Her ears intently focused on the sound. Her eyes wandered around the bathroom, and she heard the sob again; it seemed to be coming from the last stall – the handicapped stall.

"It's just, you didn't deny anything when Derek asked you if you thought it was a good idea and all…"

Meredith didn't respond. She was listening for the sobs.

"Oh, you were right, by the way," Amelia said. "About Katie. It was a subarachnoid hemorrhage again. I was able to operate, and Katie's fine."

"Shush," Meredith hissed, although she was glad that Katie Bryce was all right. "Listen." The sobs echoed through the bathroom. Meredith wiped her hand on her jeans and tiptoed over to the last tall. She looked down and saw tennis shoes. "Is everything okay in there?"

"Go away!" a familiar voice called hoarsely. Meredith knew it too well.

"Izzie?" Meredith whispered. "Open the door."

"Oh, God, Mer?" the stall door slowly opened, and Meredith came face to face with a tear-stained face Izzie. Her eyes were bloodshot red. She looked like she'd been crying for a while, probably since Meredith and Derek had overheard her fighting with Derek. Amelia still was in the corner near the hand drier.

"Dr. Stevens?" Amelia gasped. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh, God. This is so humiliating. I normally don't let patients see me cry. That's why I came in here," Izzie sobbed. Meredith placed her hand on Izzie's back and gently rubbed it.

"Well, I'm not exactly a patient. I work here now too," Amelia said, proudly showing Izzie her new hospital I.D. that Hunt must have had printed for her fairly quickly.

"Right, that doesn't make this any less embarrassing," Izzie said as tears still gushed out of her eyes. "Look, Mer," Izzie said in between cries, wiping the tears off her cheeks, "you don't have to comfort me. I don't deserve your kindness. It's Alex you should be comforting. What I did…was a terrible."

"Iz," Mer said quietly. "I'm not saying it was right, but you did what you thought was best at the time and that's all that really matters."

"Wait, what happened?" Amelia asked, her face overridden with confusion.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Amy, just go. Tell Derek to go pick up the kids, and I'll find a way back to the house," Meredith said, not even realizing she'd just called Amelia _Amy_. According to Derek, he was the only one allowed to call her Amy, although Amelia's name was inputted as _Amy _in Meredith's phone, just because it was shorter and Derek always referred to her as Amy when he talked about her.

Amelia pouted. "You're not seriously making me go back to him alone, are you?"

Meredith's gaze toward Amelia was stern. "Yes, I am. Now go. The kids need some Daddy time, and uh, if you go home with him, please just behave yourself."

"I'm not a child," Amelia protested.

"Could've fooled me," Meredith shrugged, and Amelia stomped out of the bathroom. Meredith shook her head, exasperated a sigh and turned to Izzie. "And she says she's not a child." There were Kleenexes on the edge of the sink. Meredith reached for one and handed it to Izzie so she could dry her eyes.

"She's sure nosy, isn't she?" Izzie asked, actually forcing a smile. Meredith nodded.

"Oh, she is. You have _no _idea."

"I don't know what to do, Mer," Izzie whispered.

"Imagine how Alex feels," Meredith shrugged. She was trying to see both points here, even though it was difficult. Izzie had been her friend, and even though she'd been absent from her life for almost five years, that didn't make her any less her friend. Yes, Meredith had been initially upset about how she'd left and hurt Alex, about how she'd only come back after Meredith had called her to tell her that Alex had started to move on. It wasn't fair to Alex, but it was the past. Izzie obviously needed a support system right now too. This couldn't be easy for her either.

"He said he's going to sue for custody of Blake," Izzie cried frantically. Meredith bit her lip, deciding not to mention that she'd overheard Izzie and Alex fighting in the hallway outside the Attendings' lounge.

"Earlier he told me that he wanted partial custody of Blake," Meredith confessed. She thought back to the brief conversation she'd had with Alex after she'd picked Zola and Bailey up from daycare. It was only a few hours ago, but so much had happened in those few hours. It felt like days ago.

"See, he didn't tell me that," Izzie said. "I'm fine with him seeing Blake. Blake _should _know his dad, and it's fine if Alex wants him on weekend or every other week or whatever. But no, Alex didn't ask for partial custody. He just jumped to I'm a horrible person for hiding this from him, and told me he wants full custody. I can't lose Blake, Mer."

"His mind is clouded right now," said Meredith, rubbing Izzie's back gently. "Once he's let it all sink in, he'll realize that's not going to help the situation."

"That's not going to stop him from getting his lawyers involved now, and totally screwing up everything," Izzie said as she reached for another tissue to wipe the fresh tears off her face. "Oh, God, Mer…and…and…I have my yearly in two weeks. You know, to make sure the cancer hasn't returned. If everything checks out, I'll have been in remission for five years."

"That's great, Izzie!"

"I'm terrified," Izzie confessed, releasing a nasally sigh. "Every yearly is terrifying, but knowing it's been five years makes it just that scarier. Knowing," she gulped, "that there's a chance the cancer will be back and then I'll never have reached that five year milestone."

"Keep your chin up," Meredith smiled weakly. "I'm sure everything will be fine. It has to be, right? You're not having hallucinations or anything again, are you?"

Izzie shook her head; her blonde ponytail bounced. "No. I feel fine. I mean, I'd feel better if Alex weren't threatening to sue—I just, it's just, last time I had Alex, and you, and such a huge support system. I can't imagine going through all that again alone."

"Izzie," Meredith said softly. "I'm here for you. If the cancer is back, I'll be with you every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere."

"Really, Mer? It's just I thought you'd take Alex's side. I mean, he's your friend too, and obviously you've worked with him these past five years."

Meredith scoffed. "What is all this _taking sides _crap? First Amelia and now you." Meredith then chuckled. "I'm not on anyone's side. You're my friend. Alex is my friend. You've both made stupid mistakes over the years, but that doesn't change the fact you're my friends. That's what friends are for, right?"

"You're not mad at me for not keeping in contact when I was gone?" Izzie asked.

"A little disappointed, but you had your reasons. I figured you wanted a new start and didn't want to be reminded of your own life. You do have a lot of painful memories here, which is why I was surprised to see you back."

"I was really nervous about applying for the job," Izzie confessed. She swallowed. "But it was time to come back. It was time for Alex to find out about his son. He's right, you know, I should have told him a long time ago. Maybe things would be different now." Izzie's eyes dreamily gazed off. "Maybe we'd still be be married and raising Blake together as husband and wife. Then Blake would never have had to wonder where his daddy was—"

The bathroom door swung open, and Izzie's face instantly froze as tall, brunette resident walked through the door. Jo Wilson's jaw dropped when she saw Meredith and Izzie.

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><p><strong>AN: So I'm supposed to be getting ready to leave, but I just can't stop writing! Thank you all so much for the feedback, it really helps! So…I've not yet decided if Izzie's cancer should return. I feel like it's a bit cliché, but at the same time, it could certainly make for interesting drama. I've had Amelia's and MerDer's story plotted in its entirety since before I even started writing this story, because it is and always will be the main element of this story. Alex's story is definitely a sub-story, although there's an overarching theme I'm trying to create. **

**Well, next time I update I'll either be in D.C. or back home! **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hey y'all, it's my last night in D.C., and it's the first night I've had high speed internet (I've basically been using my smartphone all week since our other hotel's internet was dreadfully slow), so I thought I'd post an update! **

**Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or in the medical field, so I'm sorry if the medical details aren't 100% accurate in this chapter. I just needed an interesting case. Besides, I doubt the cases on Grey's are always 100% accurate.**

* * *

><p>Jo gave Izzie a deathly stare as she stopped dead in her steps. Her fists clenched together, and an awkward silent rang in the bathroom as Meredith stood between Alex's ex-wife and his current girlfriend.<p>

Finally, Izzie took a deep breath and stood up straight.

"I should get going," she said softly, and turned to Meredith. "See you later, Mer."

Meredith frowned as she watched Izzie dash out of the bathroom, leaving Meredith alone with Jo. There was a moment of silence as Jo seemed to be studying Meredith carefully. Meredith could sense the annoyance in Jo's face, as if she thought Meredith was somehow betraying Alex by talking to Izzie. Jo crossed her arms tightly and finally she let out a sigh, "I was actually hoping to find an attending," Jo said. Meredith intently raised an eyebrow, showing Jo her attention. Jo exhaled slowly. "I have a patient, a six-year-old girl, who fell off her bike and broke her arm. I put her in a cast and did a head CT just to be on the safe side, and everything checked out. But she's been complaining of a really bad stomach ache. I can't find anything wrong with her, but…"

"Did you page peds?" Meredith asked.

Jo rolled her eyes. "Robbins isn't on call tonight, and I really don't want to bother her because… Oh, God. I'm sorry. Derek just got back, didn't he? You're not even in scrubs… wait, what _are _you doing here? Never mind. Don't answer that, it's none of my business. Um, maybe I can find Dr. Bailey or someone."

Meredith couldn't help but chuckle at the way Jo rambled when she was nervous. Meredith sensed Jo found her intimidating, which gave Meredith a sick sense of pleasure. It was fun being the attending the residents feared. Somewhere along the way she had taken Dr. Bailey's place.

"What about Alex?" Meredith suggested, noticing she hadn't mentioned him.

"H-He's, uh, not answering his pages," Jo said, and Meredith noticed the worry that plastered over Jo's face all at once. "Look, forget I asked." Jo turned around.

"Wait, Wilson," Meredith insisted. "Let me go change. I'll take a look at her, okay? The kids need Daddy time anyway." She laughed.

"Are you sure?" Jo asked carefully. "I mean, you don't have to. I'm sure I can find someone else."

"Don't worry about it," insisted Meredith. "She could have internal injuries. It's important we act quickly, especially since she's so young."

* * *

><p>Meredith was fast to change into her scrubs. She sent Derek a quick text to let him know that she'd gotten called into a case, and that he shouldn't expect her home until late. Meredith imagined he would have plenty of time to converse with Amelia, although she suspected that he would assume that his wife had planned this case intentionally, to avoid talking to him. That wasn't the case, although she did like the idea of letting the situation settle down a bit before talking to him about it. This way, he would have time alone with Amelia, and they could talk about it together - as brother and sister.<p>

She read over the little girl's chart that Jo had sent her. Jenni Miller, age six, admitted to the hospital after falling off her bike and breaking her wrist. Meredith scrolled through the patient's file, and noticed that there were no prior medical records before Jenni had been admitted to Grey Sloan Memorial. As she entered the little girl's room, she found a small, fair-skinned little girl with bright green eyes and short brunette hair lying in the bed in a hospital gown. She held her casted arm close to her chest.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Grey," Meredith smiled kindly at the little girl. "And you must be Jenni, right?" The little girl shyly nodded. Meredith curiously looked around the room, looking for a parent or guardian. "Where's your mommy or daddy?"

"My daddy left a long time ago," the little girl said hoarsely. "My mommy went somewhere on her phone."

"Oh," Meredith said, assuming her mother had just gotten a call from work and would be back shortly. She saw Jo enter the room in corner of her eye. "Now, my friend Dr. Wilson tells me that you've been having stomach pain. Is that true?"

Jenni nodded. "My mommy says it's just nerves and I should stop being a baby."

Meredith looked at Jo, whose face was solemn. "Well, sweetheart, do you mind if I examine you so I can see if there's something I can do to help?" Jenni nodded shyly. Meredith gently pressed down on Jenni's stomach. The little girl immediately flinched.

"Does that hurt?" Jenni nodded her head. Meredith gently and slowly moved her hands lower on Jenni's stomach, noticing obvious abdominal tenderness, and Jenni started to shake. Tears welled in the little girl's eyes.

"Please stop," the little girl pleaded. "Please. I'll do anything. Please don't hurt me again."

Meredith took her hands off Jenni. "I'm not going to hurt you anymore, Jenni. Nobody's going to hurt you ever again." Meredith grabbed Jo's arm and guided her out of the room.

"It's abuse, isn't it?" Jo gaped, placing her hands on her hips. Her brown pony bounced as she shook her head.

"I think it's a little soon to be jumping to conclusions," Meredith said. "But she does have obvious abdominal tenderness, and she completely freaked out when I lowered my hand on her stomach. I don't want to jump to conclusions too early. Did you meet the mother?"

"She's a total crack head," Jo said. "She spent most of the time texting her drug dealers while I was explaining her daughter's injuries to her. She doesn't give a damn about that little girl."

"Okay, first things first, it's completely inappropriate for you to just _assume _the mother is a crack head, and it's even more inappropriate for you to assume she's texting her drug dealers," Meredith scolded, pushing her bangs behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, but I-I know a bad mother when I see one. I mean, considering I bounced from foster home to foster home as a kid, I think I know," Jo said. "And that girl has been sexually abused."

"You've done an abdominal CT?"

"I did. Everything looked normal," Jo said.

"Order a rape kit," Meredith instructed as she scrolled through the patient's file and brought up the CT, just to make sure Jo hadn't missed anything.

"Excuse me?" a slender, dark-haired woman appeared behind Jo and Meredith. Her skin was nearly as pale as a ghost's, and she had engorged dark circles underneath her eyelids. Meredith didn't have to ask if she was Jenni's mom, and she now fully understood Jo's reasoning in diagnosing her as a crackhead. "You're the doctors, right? You've looked at my little girl, and is she okay? Can I take her home now? I told her she needs to stop being such a baby. I broke every bone in my body when I was growing up, and you didn't see me crying to the doctors about it. I toughened it out. I'm sorry my daughter is such a baby."

"Mrs. Miller, your daughter is really hurt," Dr. Wilson said bitterly. "She's in pain, so you need to stop putting the blame on her." Fire shot through Jo's eyes at Mrs. Miller.

Meredith was studying Jenni's CT as Jo bantered with the girl's mother. To the naked eye, everything looked normal, but it wasn't until Meredith zoomed in closer on her iPad that she noticed the abnormalities. The internal injuries Meredith was witnessing most certainly weren't new. _What the Hell has happened to this girl? _

"It's _Miss _Miller," the woman corrected, seemingly ignoring everything Jo had just said.

_Shit. _

Just then, the monitor in Jenni's room began to beat erratically. She was arresting. Meredith and Jo dashed into the room at the same time. Jenni's skin was turning blue. Meredith began CPR. "Push .35 of EPI!" she instructed Jo, and Jo followed orders. A nurse entered the room. "Page Yang! We need to open her up now!"

"Is my baby girl okay?" the girl's mother wandered aimlessly into the room. "Is she okay? Jenni?"

"GET HER OUT OF HERE NOW!" Meredith hollered, and the nurse grabbed the mother. "PAGE YANG AND BOOK US AN OR!"

Cristina met Jo and Meredith in the scrub room of OR 3.

"What's going on?" Cristina demanded.

"Six-year-old girl, she's bleeding in her abdomen and keeps arresting. A cardiac CT wasn't done because she was experience abdominal pain, but as I looked closer on the abdominal CT, I noticed small amounts of blood leaking into her stomach. I bet you anything she has Cyanotic Heart Disease, which is often caused by parents doing street drugs during pregnancy…"

"Wouldn't she have been diagnosed as an infant?" Cristina asked.

"Usually, but without proper medical care, then no," Meredith responded. "We've got to act simultaneously if we want to save this girl's life. Wilson, hand me a scalpel."

Meredith's heart pounded faster than it had in months. It'd been so long since she'd been in on an emergent surgery after five o'clock at night. The surgery went flawlessly, and Meredith was able to stop the bleeding, and Cristina was able to repair Jenni's heart, although there was a chance she would need future medical care. Truly, it was a miracle that Jenni had survived all this. If they had waited any longer, she wouldn't have made it.

"Do you still want me to order a rape kit?" Jo asked Meredith quietly after the surgery was over, and she, Jo, and Cristina were standing outside Jenni's bedroom waiting for her to wake up. The mother had disappeared again. What kind of mother did that? Disappeared when their child was in surgery?

Meredith nodded. "Go ahead."

Jo walked off, and Cristina's eyes widened at Meredith. "So you think abuse is involved?"

Meredith frowned and nodded. "You should have seen the way she freaked out when I examined her lower abdomen."

"That's awful," Cristina said.

"Look, Cristina, about earlier…"

"Huh?" Cristina asked.

"You were just making a joke, weren't you? And I thought you were bringing up something else. You're right, I took it personally."

"Eh, it's what you do. I should be used to it by now," Cristina laughed, adding, "some things never do change."

"I _do not _take everything personally!" Meredith protested.

"Yeah, you do," Cristina laughed.

Meredith rolled her eyes and looked into Jenni's room. "Poor girl," she sighed. "Someone should be there with her when she wakes up."

"I nominate you! You're the Mama Bear," Cristina nudged Meredith, who looked at the clock and saw it was ten o'clock. She thought of her own babies, who Derek was probably singing or reading to sleep right now. She wouldn't be there to hug them goodnight tonight. Her heart sank as she looked at Jenni, whose mother hadn't cared to stick around to see if she had survived an important surgery. She could have _died_, and her mother wouldn't have cared. Meredith couldn't imagine. If it were one of her own kids, she would want to be there holding their hand the entire time. The idea of Bailey or Zola being inside an O.R. again was horrifying. After all, Derek had already operated on Zola, before she was their daughter. The thought of something happening to her again was horrifying, especially knowing Derek _couldn't _operate on her because the hospital had a "no operating on immediate family members" policy. Meredith didn't trust her children's brains in anyone other than her husband's hands.

Meredith noticed Jenni stirring, and she slowly went into the little girl's room. The little girl's eyes wearily opened.

"Hi, Jenni. Do you remember me?"

"Dr. Grey?" Jenni coughed.

"That's right, I'm Dr. Grey," Meredith smiled gently. "How are you feeling?"

"Thirsty," Jenni said. "Is my mom here?"

Meredith sighed. "She went downstairs to grab a bite to eat," Meredith lied. "She'll be back soon."

Jenni frowned and shook her head. "You don't have to lie," Jenni told Meredith, looking out the hospital window. "It's dark outside. My mom had to go meet up with her friends. That's where she goes when it's dark outside."

"Does your mom leave you home alone a lot?" Meredith asked.

"Every night," Jenni said. "But my mom told me not to tell anyone that...so it has to be our secret, okay? She said the police would take me away if they found out I was home alone. Do you have kids?"

Meredith nodded. "I have two children. A little girl and a little boy."

"Are they home alone right now?" Jenni asked.

Meredith shook her head. "No, they're not. Their daddy is with them."

"Oh," a tear formed in Jenni's right eye. "They're lucky to have a daddy. I wish I had one."

Jo appeared at the door with a nurse. Meredith locked eyes with Jo.

"Hi, Jenni, remember me? Dr. Wilson. Well, this is my friend, Nurse Kellie. Nurse Kellie is going to check you out to make sure you're okay," Jo smiled. "If you need us, Dr. Grey and I will be right outside the door."

Jenni nodded, and Meredith followed Jo out of the room. Cristina had already disappeared. Meredith's heart ached for Jenni. Jo's eye welled with tears as she stared at her phone.

"Some people shouldn't have children," Jo said bitterly. "If you can't take care of them, then you should abort them."

"It's not your place to judge," Meredith said. "My heart goes out to Jenni, it really does. I was that child who was abandoned by my mother, who was left home alone at night. My mother wasn't a drug addict, and I wasn't abused, but I can relate. My father wasn't around after age five, so I was on my own. You don't know Jenni's mom's story. Maybe she met a great guy, maybe she was in love and wanted to have his babies, and then she got pregnant and had Jenni, and her husband got a new job and found a younger, prettier wife and left her, and she didn't know how else to cope."

Meredith found herself rambling, then suddenly realized she was talking about herself. She thought of Derek. He was doing the best he could. His new job had taken a toll on their relationship, but he still called her every day when he was away and FaceTime was a lifesaver. It was hard on the both of them, and Meredith couldn't imagine ever turning to drugs. She couldn't do that to her kids.

Everyone had their own coping mechanisms. For drug addicts and people who had a history with drugs, it was drugs. Meredith's coping mechanism had always been alcohol. Maybe people learned how to cope from their parents. After all, her father had been an alcoholic. There were times Meredith could easily see herself turning into an alcoholic if her life fell apart. Though she'd seen what alcohol had done her to her father's liver. She couldn't imagine going through that. Though, she did know, her husband and son were both matches. She would never ask either of them to donate part of their liver to her. The weeks after she'd donated her father her liver had been absolute Hell as she'd been laid up in bed, and she wouldn't want either to go through that. She'd rather they just let her die, if she was ever so depressed that she allowed alcohol to destroy her liver.

The bottom line was: they didn't know what had happened to Jenni. They didn't know if she'd been abused, or how she'd been abused. Though, Meredith did know one thing, they had to call social services. No six-year-old should be spending her nights alone while her mother was out partying.

Meredith thought back to her own childhood. She had spent nights alone at the tender age of six. What if someone had called social services on her mother? It could have happened. Maybe it should have happened.

"We have to call social services, don't we?" Jo asked. Meredith nodded. "Damn-it."

"You sound pretty disappointed. I thought you'd already deemed Miss Miller as a terrible parent?"

Jo nodded. "I did. But as a child who was raised in social services, I'm not sure it's a better place for her. My mom dropped me at a train station when I was a baby. I was bounced from foster care home to foster care home. And that's why I'm pro-abortion and against adoption."

"You wish your mother had aborted you?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, suddenly realizing she had more in common with Jo Wilson than she'd initially thought. Admittedly, the thought had crossed her mind far too many times when she was growing up. In fact, it continued to cross her mind throughout her intern year. Now, though, it was hard to imagine she'd even had those thoughts. She looked at Zola and Bailey, and she was grateful that her mother had given her the life she had.

"Sometimes," Jo whispered, a tear running down her cheek.

Meredith reached out her arm and placed it on Jo's back. "Don't," she said. "Your mother, even if she didn't raise you, gave you one gift. The gift of life."

"I just wish…" Jo sobbed. "...that life wasn't so hard. It's like one bad thing after another keeps happening to me. I can't just be happy."

"That's life," Meredith said. "Reality: it's so much more interesting than living happily ever after."

Jo shook her head. "Alex won't return my texts or calls. I think he's breaking up with me. That's what he does when he breaks up with someone, right? He avoids them."

"He probably just needs some space right now," Meredith said. "Give him a couple days, he'll come around. Like you said earlier, he has a lot on his mind right now."

"I-I j-just…" Jo stammered. "Can't help but wonder if he's going to leave me for _her_. He was married to her, right? So obviously he loved her once. Do you think he'll go back to her?"

"Jo," Meredith said softly, "Alex loves _you. _Now, I can't speak for Alex, because I can only get so far inside his head, but I can tell you this: there's a lot of history with Izzie, a lot of pain. He was broken for years after she left, and until he met you...I didn't think he'd ever be happy again. You've gotten him through a lot these past few months, with his dad. You understand him in ways she can't, because she never met either of his parents. Don't give up on him, Jo."

Jo nodded. "Thanks, Dr. Grey."

"Meredith," Meredith corrected. "You've been dating one of my closest friends for long enough. It's about time you start calling me by my first name."

Jo nodded and chuckled lightly. "Okay, Meredith." She shook her head. "I can't believe I used to think you were scary."

"Tell any of the other residents that I'm not scary or call me Meredith in front of them, and you might regret saying that," Meredith said sternly, then laughed afterward. Her smile curved downward as she looked toward Jenni's room. "I really hate to leave her, but I should get home to my husband." She glanced at the clock, it was almost eleven. Derek was really going to think she was avoiding him.

"It's all right. I've got it covered. I'll stay with her tonight," Jo said, then added bitterly, "It's not like I have anywhere else to sleep tonight. If Alex wants space, then I'll give it to him."

Meredith headed off, ready to go home to her husband.

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><p><strong>I know there wasn't any MerDer in this chapter, because I wanted to highlight the JoMer internattending relationship—my favorite intern/attending relationship now that Heather is dead. However, the next chapter will be entirely MerDer. **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: You've been asking for MerDer, and I've been building up to this chapter, so thank you all for sticking with me for 19 chapters—and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. It's only the beginning of some very meaty MerDer chapters to come.**

* * *

><p>Meredith was in the hospital lobby about to call for a cab. It was the first time she had looked at her phone in hours. She had four missed texts from Derek, the first being about four hours ago and the last being about forty-five minutes ago.<p>

_Derek: We need to talk. _

_Derek: I hope you know what Amelia said isn't true_

_Derek: I love you_

_Derek: Is everything okay? I'm starting to get worried about you. _

It was late, and she imagined Derek had to be asleep by now, so she resisted texting him back. She could talk to him when she was back at the house. She didn't want to wake him now. After all, he'd just gotten back from a six hour plane ride. His body had to be feeling the jet lag, since he'd just gone _back _three hours. It was past two in the morning in D.C. now, and he'd been up that late talking to her last night. She wasn't about to bother him now.

She had the Seattle Cab Company programmed in her phone for emergencies. She'd just opened her contacts when she heard his voice.

"Meredith!"

Meredith's fingers froze as she lowered her arm, with her phone still in her hand.

"What are you doing here?" she gasped as she saw Derek walk through the door. Meredith's first observation was that he had shaved his face. He also had changed into black sweats, and he was wearing his long, gray wool jacket. The dark circles stood out from under his weak, dim blue eyes. She could tell he was exhausted. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" Meredith gasped.

"I couldn't sleep," Derek said, walking closer to her. "Four nights without you by my side are too many. And you weren't answering my texts or calls. I was worried you were avoiding me and had gone off to Cristina's or Izzie's to avoid me, so I called Cristina and she told me that you'd caught a case here. I wanted to catch you before you caught a cab or actually did run off with Cristina or Izzie."

Meredith exhaled. "I wasn't avoiding you, Derek. Seriously, I literally just looked at my phone for the first time in hours." She sighed and he extended his arm and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Really, Derek, you shouldn't have come… you look exhausted."

"And so do you," Derek pointed out.

"What about the kids?" Meredith asked worriedly. Her eyes widened and her heart pounded ferociously in her chest as she remembered the conversation she'd just had with little Jenni.

"Both are sound asleep. Amy's there with them," Derek told her, giving Meredith a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You trust her alone with our kids?" Meredith gasped, wondering what her husband and his sister had talked about while she was away. Had they come to some consensus? She hoped they hadn't argued in front of the kids.

Derek nodded. "She's really good with them, you know?"

"Did Zola show you her booboo?" Meredith asked, widening her eyes, having not forgotten the incident in the kitchen that morning.

"She did. It was an accident. It could have happened with either of us," Derek insisted.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd, look at who's made a complete one-eighty. Earlier you looked like you were about to shred your sister into pieces. Now you're defending her. I'm going to guess that you had a nice chat?" Meredith asked with observation.

"We did talk…a lot," Derek admitted. "Let's go, and we can talk about it in the car."

Meredith's stomach rumbled as she walked beside Derek as they left the hospital. She hadn't eaten since lunch, and she was starving. Unfortunately, she knew she was going to have a hard time finding something to eat at this hour. McDonalds would be open, but their menu was so limited after eleven o'clock at night. The notion of a greasy cheeseburger didn't sound so bad right now, though. She knew Derek would give her crap about it.

"So, what'd you and Amelia eat for dinner, since the kids got to have pizza?" Meredith asked after they'd gotten in the car, her in the passenger seat and Derek in the driver's seat.

"Oh, we went to The Crab Pot before picking up the kids. I know you're not a huge fan of seafood, so I figured you wouldn't mind that we'd gone without you." He laughed, and then leaned in and softly kissed her cheek. His warm lips on her cheeks caused a shiver to shoot down her spine almost instantly.

Meredith squinted. "Um, gross. Yeah, thanks for going without me."

"What'd you eat?" Derek asked.

"Uh…" Meredith mumbled.

"Meredith!" Derek scolded. "You haven't eaten, have you?"

Meredith shook her head. "I didn't have time. Izzie was in the bathroom…"

"Amy told me…"

"Then Jo walked in…" Derek's eyes opened wide. "Yeah, awkward, anyway, Jo pulled me in on a case of a six-year-old girl, and if we hadn't been able to operate right away, she wouldn't have survived." Meredith exhaled angrily. "Not that the girl's mother cared. Derek, the mother _left _the hospital after her daughter went into surgery. The little girl told me that her mother leaves her at home all the time alone. Jo's convinced drug activity is involved, and I have to admit that's what it looked like to me too. We also suspected sexual abuse."

"Oh, Mer, that's horrible. Poor girl. Did you call social services?" asked Derek, inserting the keys in the ignition. The engine vibrated as the car started, and Derek backed out of the parking spot.

Meredith inhaled deeply, remembering her conversation with Jo. "I'll do it tomorrow if Jo doesn't. She's safe tonight, at least. Jo is staying with her."

"That's nice of her," Derek said. "Well, I guess we'd better get you some food before we go home."

"Really, it's all right," Meredith said, hoping Derek couldn't hear the gurgling of her stomach acid. "I don't need to eat. I'll eat a big breakfast tomorrow. I'm sure your sister will try to make us a big kiss-ass breakfast tomorrow. She's made breakfast the past two days. Besides, the only place that's open at this hour is McDonalds, and I know how you feel about the smell of McDonalds's food."

Meredith intently observed the expression on Derek's face as he cocked his head slightly like he did when he was contemplating. "I don't know how you can eat that crap without barfing," Derek laughed. "But we could stop at a convenience store. They might still have hot dogs on the rollers."

"At…" Meredith looked at the clock on the car's dashboard "...quarter to midnight? I doubt it, Derek. Just forget. Let's go home, you're exhausted."

"I'm fine, Meredith," Derek insisted harshly, and Meredith watched as he pulled into the building with the tall yellow "M" sign. "Besides, you don't want to spend more time with me? We hardly ever get any time to ourselves. Let's take advantage of my sister being in town."

"It's not that… what are you _doing_, Derek?" She watched as he pulled up to the drive-thru window.

"I'm ordering you a double cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke," Derek smiled widely. "That okay with you?"

Her heart skipped a beat because he'd memorized her regular order when she did go to McDonalds. "It's fine with me, but I don't want to hear you complain about how the smell of McDonalds makes you gag." She flirtatiously nudged Derek's shoulder, and his lips cracked a smile.

"I promise," Derek chuckled warmly, and turned toward her and ran his fingers through her long, messy honey-colored hair. He kissed her forehead. "I won't say a word." Their gazes met for a moment.

"I love you," Meredith whispered softly.

"You better," teased Derek.

She wrinkled her nose. "Well, otherwise you were gonna have to listen to my stomach rumble all night. You're doing yourself a favor." She laughed, though she knew McDonalds wasn't the most filling food. She was about to consume about 2,000 empty calories, but she didn't care at this point.

Meredith devoured her food as Derek began driving in the direction of their house in the woods.

"So, did you convince your sister to keep her baby?" Meredith finally worked up the courage to ask. "I mean, considering you seem pretty content with her being here now. I'm guessing something good came out of your alone time earlier."

Derek sighed. "I did not."

"What?" Meredith almost spilled her soda.

"I think I have an idea of _why _she doesn't want to tell the boyfriend, though," Derek admitted.

"Oh, really? Amelia made it seem like they were together. She talked about what great guy he is, which is why I can't really figure out why he'd be okay with her taking a position so many hours away from him. What you said earlier made me think about that…"

"Apparently she told him that she was just coming here for a couple days to help me while I was away. She told him today that she was asked to stay, and I guess he freaked out."

"Well, no shit," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Can you blame him? Imagine if you'd told me you were going on a business trip then called me from D.C. to tell me you'd been offered a job there. I would have jumped on the first plane to D.C. and killed you with my bare fists. By the way, thank you for telling me right away...and in person." She'd been pissed and disappointed at the time, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse. She couldn't imagine Derek telling her over the phone, more less thousands of miles away.

"You're welcome," Derek laughed. "But it's a little different. I mean, you're my wife, and we have two kids...I couldn't imagine telling you any other way than face to face."

"But she's pregnant with _his _baby. Doesn't he have the right to know?"

"You see, that's just it," Derek began, "I'm not entirely convinced it's his baby. Amy does have a history of sleeping around. She's even cheated on her past boyfriends. It would explain why she skipped town and didn't tell her boyfriend."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "I never thought of that...you're right, it makes sense. Did she tell you she cheated on him?"

"No," Derek replied. "I tried to hint at it, but she kept changing the subject. She doesn't want to talk about the baby's father. I guess James, that was her boyfriend, told her he was going to get on a plane and come here and she told him not to. I guess she told him that she needed a break."

"So they're broken up?"

"I guess, from the way she made it sound. She made him promise not to come looking for her in Seattle. I don't know. If I were him, I'd be on the first plane out here too. Honestly? I'm surprised I haven't heard from Addie yet. I know this James guy works at St. Ambrose, so he works with Addie."

"Maybe he hasn't told her yet," Meredith suggested. "But it sounds messy. Although if James isn't the father, then I guess it makes sense as to why she wants to give the baby up. Especially if she regrets cheating on her boyfriend."

"You know, and I'd just thought Amy had started to grow up," Derek sighed. "I talked to her around New Years, and she really seemed to have her life on track. Now, she goes and does this crap."

Meredith shook her head solemnly. "Of course there's also the baby she lost. I think she's afraid to get attached to this baby. He already has a congenital heart defect. She's afraid it could turn into something more."

"Wait? What baby that she lost?"

Meredith rounded her mouth and inhaled. "Amelia didn't tell you?" Derek raised his eyebrows. "Obviously not. Well, I guess she was pregnant the last time she was here. She told me that she gave birth to a baby with Anencephaly, and she donated the baby's organs."

Derek's jaw dropped. "And she never told me."

"Apparently not."

"But she told you?" Meredith nodded slowly. "I mean, not that it changes anything. I'm just surprised that she never said anything. Surprised that Addison never said anything either. Addison must have known."

"I think Amelia asked Addison not to tell anyone in her family. It was a hard time for her, so I understand why she didn't want anyone to know," Meredith said and then confessed, "I was shocked when she told me her first night here."

"Mmm," Derek murmured as he pulled into their driveway. The house was pitched black, which indicated that Amelia was probably asleep too. Meredith had already finished her food, so she tossed her McDonalds bags into the outdoor trash can. Derek placed his arm around her, and they quietly walked into the house, hoping not to wake anyone up.

She took Derek's hand and weaved her fingers into his. The outdoor motion lights automatically turned on as they walked toward the front door together. Derek let go of her hand to insert the key into the door, and they tiptoed quietly into the dark house. They dashed into their bedroom. Meredith turned on the lights and Derek closed the door. Derek grinned as he embraced her in his arms and his ocean, piercing eyes gazed into his wife's eyes. "I think we made it without waking anyone," he whispered, leaning in and pressing his lips against hers. He wrinkled his forehead and she could tell he was trying not to say anything. He mumbled, "You taste like McDonalds."

"Hey, I said no complaining!" she hissed, and she giggled. "I'll go brush my teeth."

"I'll join you," he laughed, and they both went into the bathroom. She squirted the mint Colgate toothpaste onto her toothbrush. Derek held out his toothbrush and she squirted toothpaste on his toothbrush too, and they both brushed their teeth together. They spat at the same time, and before either had rinsed their mouths, Derek planted a kiss on her lips, leaving the residue of his toothpaste on her mouth. She laughed as she grabbed a small plastic cup and rinsed the soap from her mouth and spat into the sink. Derek did the same.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rocked her gently, His lips pressed his lips against her neck and she released a soft moan. Then, he lifted her feet off the bathroom floor and she screamed.

"Shhh," Derek whispered softly as he carried her into the bedroom and tossed her gently on the bed and whispered in her ear, his hot breath pressed against her eardrum, "Don't forget we have company in the living room."

She giggled, feeling Derek's warm radiating body heat against hers. "I didn't."

He leaned his body over hers and lowered himself on top of her and began kissing her lips. "Mmm, you taste good...minty. I like minty. Much better than McDonalds."

"You taste good too," she replied, and their tongues intertwined, and Derek's hands ran down her stomach and slid under her shirt. She ran her fingers under his as well. His chest was so warm. They both removed their shirts and tossed them on the floor. "Shit," she groaned as Derek started to unbutton her jeans.

"What is it, Meredith?" Derek asked; her heart pounded radically as his face froze.

"I, uh," Meredith sighed, realizing she'd forgotten to take her birth control these past couple days. She was usually so diligent about taking it. During the early days of their relationship, she and Derek had used condoms and she was also on the pill. They were always extra careful, because Meredith wasn't ready for kids. Then when they'd started trying, obviously she'd gone off the pill. Then when she realized she could probably never even have a baby, birth control was the farthest thing from her mind. And then their miracle baby had come along. She and Derek had talked about having more kids one day, but they both knew they weren't ready. Meredith had considered all her birth control options after Bailey was born. They'd talked about waiting until Zola went to kindergarten. By then, Meredith would be almost forty, though, and Meredith knew that fertility rates dropped tremendously after forty. They'd had a hard enough time getting pregnant the first time. So she had decided on the pill. It was easy to go off if they changed their minds. The only downside was she had to remember to take it every single day.

"What?" She saw the concern on Derek's face.

"This is gonna sound weird, and I know we haven't used them in years, but you don't happen to have any condoms on hand, do you?" she felt horrible asking Derek. They used to have them on hand all the time at the old house. They even had a "condom jar" in the living room that was widely used by everyone in the house. Now it was just them, and Meredith certainly wasn't about to go ask Derek's sister if she had condoms on her.

"Uh, we haven't used condoms in like five years," Derek said perplexedly. "Oh…" he murmured. "You forgot to…"

She nodded. "I know, I feel horrible...I'm a bad wife." She sighed and realized she'd totally killed the mood.

"It's okay, it's okay," Derek said, leaning in and kissing her neck.

"Well, we can always pull and pray," she giggled softly in his ear, feeling slightly like a rebellious, immature teenager as she wrapped her arms around him and shifted her body on top of him. She slid her jeans off and began working on unbuttoning Derek's jeans.

"We could," Derek said, "but you were just saying how you don't want another baby right now…"

"I don't," Meredith said, "and the chances are I can't even get pregnant again. I mean, look at all we went through before."

"You know, you're gonna curse yourself," Derek laughed as Meredith slid his jeans off. He unfastened her bra while running his hands all over her back.

"Life's about taking risks, isn't it?" she asked. "Whatever happens, happens."

He slid her panties off and gently kissed her lower stomach, he worked his lips down to her pelvis and looked up at her as he gently ran his fingers over her two folds and a shiver ran down her spine. He slid one finger inside her and she let out a soft moaned.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

"Oh, Derek," she panted as he thrust his finger inside her. "I'm positive."

"Oh, Mer, you're so wet," he moaned as he inserted a second finger and began thrusting faster. Her body tingled and she felt the pressure building in her lower body. The tension in her body rose as Derek began moving his fingers in a circular motion.

"Derek, I need you," she panted. "Please."

He removed his fingers from her and leaned over her body, and he lay on top of her. He cupped his hands around her breasts and covered her nipple with his mouth. He ran his tongue over the tip of her nipple and she released a moan. "Shhh," he whispered. "We don't want to wake Amelia." She giggled, because Amelia had already seen enough. Meredith didn't want to begin to imagine Derek's little sister walking in on them actually doing it.

There was a reason they'd built their kids' rooms on the other side of the house, so they wouldn't have to hear Mommy and Daddy riding the carnival. The living room was right outside their bedroom, though. They hadn't anticipated on others sleeping in it, but Callie had slept there for a few weeks when she and Arizona were separated.

The house had five bedrooms and two bathrooms. Zola and Bailey each had their own rooms, there was a playroom, and Derek had his own office. Bailey's nursery was originally guest room, but that had been transformed quickly. Both rooms were big enough to house another bed, so they figured if they did have more children, the kids could share a room. Growing up, Meredith had always wished she'd had a sibling to share a room with. Derek had laughed when she'd told him that. He had shared a room with Amelia for a little while, and he had described it as an utter nightmare.

"You're sure you want to pull and pray?" Derek asked sincerely one more time, as he folded his fingers into hers.

"I'm sure," she said. "I just want you, Derek. I want to feel my husband inside me."

He kissed her stomach and then slowly inserted himself into her. She breathed heavily as she adjusted to his size. It had been a week since they'd last had sex. His slow and gentle thrusts sent her nerves into a wild frenzy. Her heart was racing as she tried to keep her moans soft, so they didn't wake Amelia. He continued to thrust with passion as he leaned over her body and kissed her softly.

"I love you," he said as they moved their hips in unison.

"I love you, too–oh, Derek!" she moaned as she felt her body tentatively approaching its climax.

"OH, God," he moaned too, "I don't know how much longer I can—" He abruptly pulled out, right before she had reached her orgasm. Her heart rate slowed, and she stuck out her lip.

"This is why I need to remember to take my birth control," she pouted as she let out an obnoxious sigh.

"I'm sorry," Derek whispered, pecking her lips with his warm, soft lips; her alert nervous system sent off fires as he inserted three fingers into her. "Let me see if I can finish you off manually."

"It's not the same," she said flatly, "but oh!" She felt her climax rising as he stroked her. "Derek, God—" She felt her body coming upon an orgasm again; Derek always knew all the right spots to hit. Her heart was racing; her breathing was rapid; and her entire body throbbed as the tension in her body released into her orgasm and Derek fell on top of her. His warm lips met hers.

"Better?"

"Much," she whispered, still catching her breath. "Thank you."

"Any time," he laughed, rolling off her and lying beside her. He stroked her hair gently.

She laid her hand on his stomach and rolled on top of him. Meredith couldn't help but feel guilty that he hadn't gotten to finish. She kissed his collarbone and then lowered her hands in between his thighs.

"What are you doing?" Derek said then released a soft moan.

"Well, it's not fair that I got to finish, and you didn't," Meredith replied seductively.

"Mer, you don't have..._oooh_." She cupped her hand around him and began moving her hand up and down, making sure to hit the sensitivity in his tip. She moved her hand faster and faster and watched as Derek's face lit up. "I'm close," he moaned. She smiled, pleased, realizing how much his pleasure turned him on, and then he grabbed her shoulders and threw her on the bed and gently began massaging her breasts as she reached for him, and continued to move her hand up and down rhythmically.

"Come for me, Derek," she breathed heavily because her arm was starting to get tired. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd done this. Derek released a loud moan as he emptied himself on Meredith's stomach and she smiled, pleased with herself. He leaned in and kissed her.

"You know, you're pretty amazing," he said. "I love you."

"Remember when we used to have sex several times a day? We'd sneak away to on-call rooms, your office, and supply closets…"

"Uh-huh," Derek laughed. "I loved those days."

"I miss them," Meredith admitted.

"Wanna go another round?" He rolled on top of her again and began kissing her neck. She could feel his erection still throbbing against her knee.

Meredith sighed and looked at the clock. Two o'clock. She couldn't even remember the last time they'd stayed up this late having sex. It was hard to believe they used to do it all the time. If they went to sleep now, if they were lucky, they might get four hours of sleep. Her eyes were heavy, and she was exhausted.

"If only I had the energy," she sighed. "We used to be able to go four, sometimes five, rounds in the middle of the night and I'd never get tired. When did we get old?"

"We're not old," Derek laughed. Their gazes met. "Okay, maybe we're getting a little old." He rolled next to her again and confessed, "I don't have the energy to go another round either."

Meredith slid off the bed and went into the bathroom to clean herself up. When she re-entered the bedroom, she opened Derek's side of the dresser and threw a pair of pajama pants at him. "Put these on. You never know who might walk in on us in a couple hours, and I'd prefer they not see us naked." She raised an eyebrow as she saw Derek slide on his pajama pants. She also slid on a pair of pajamas. Derek slid off the bed and groggily walked over to the dresser and pulled out a tight blue pajama pants. He slid on the shirt then wrapped his arms around Meredith.

He tried to lift her, but his arms let out.

"I'm weak," he gasped and pouted, "I'm an old man."

Meredith giggled, "At least you're a hot old man, and you're all mine." She wrapped her arms around her husband's waist and leaned close into his chest; she could hear his heart beating rhythmically. She turned the lights off then danced her way back to bed with her husband. Both were asleep within moments of their heads hitting their respective pillows.


	20. Chapter 20

The bright yellow sun shined through Meredith and Derek's bedroom window that morning, waking Meredith from a deep sleep. Her matted eyes opened and her pupils shrunk, slowly allowing her eyes to adjust to the bright room.

A homey scent lingered in the air, filling Meredith's nostrils. Meredith immediately recalled the scent from two days earlier, when Amelia had made French toast for breakfast.

Derek's arm was heavily draped over her back. She snuggled closer to him before lifting her head to check the time on her alarm clock.

_Seven-twenty-three. _

"Shit!" Meredith called out. Her first surgery was scheduled for nine o'clock that morning, and she was not about to lose another surgery. She immediately nudged her husband. "Derek, wake up."

"Mmm." Derek stirred in his sleep, and he rolled on top of her and rubbed his face against hers. He rubbed his face against hers and the smell of his morning breath filled her nostrils. He softly kissed her cheek with his eyes still shut tight.

"It's almost seven-thirty, Derek!" she hissed, and Derek's eyes sprung wide open. His bright blue eyes shined as the light hit them for the first time that morning.

"Can't we just stay in bed and let Amy take care of the kids today?" Derek laughed and tenderly kissed Meredith's forehead.

"I have a surgery at nine, and I already lost one surgery to Dr. Bailey yesterday. I can't let that happen again," Meredith retorted. "You have to get off me, Derek." She tried to move, but his weight confined her to the bed.

He pouted. She noticed him sniff the air. "Mmm. Breakfast. Smells like French toast."

"I told you your sister would make us a kiss-ass breakfast this morning, didn't I? Now, please get off me," Meredith pleaded. Her stomach ached, and she felt gassy - a side effect of having McDonalds so late the night before. Derek slid off her and she slammed her head against her pillow. She wanted to go back to sleep, but she knew she had no choice but to get up. She sat up, and Derek got on his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"We could always have a quickie in the shower this morning," he whispered seductively into her ear.

"We don't have time for a quickie," Meredith replied.

Derek took his arms off her waist. "You were just saying how much you missed having sex on a regular basis."

"I do, but the point is I'm running late," Meredith replied. She stood up and turned toward Derek, noticing his sad puppy dog eyes. "Oh, don't give me that look. I'm gonna go check on the kids." She slid on a pair of slippers and left Derek in bed.

In the kitchen, sure enough, she found Amelia hovering over the stove. Bailey was in his highchair with a bottle and Zola was drinking out of her little cup that had her name on it. It looked like she had orange juice in her cup.

"Mama, BaBa MooMoo!" Bailey babbled in his seat, drinking out of his green bottle.

"That's right, Bailey. A cow goes MooMoo, and milk comes from cows," Amelia smiled; she was standing in front of the oven.

"Mama!" Zola chirped as Meredith entered the room. She sprang out of her chair and raced over to Meredith to wrap her arms around her mother. "Auntie Amy said nots to wake you and Daddy so I was verrrrrry quiet!"

Meredith smiled warmly and scooped her little girl into her arms. "Well, that was nice of her." Meredith looked toward Amelia, who had just opened the oven to take out what looked like a pan of French toast sticks.

"What I tried yesterday was actually a success today," Amelia said proudly with an eager smile on her face. "It sounded like you two were up late last night." Amelia winked.

_Oh, God, _Meredith thought. "Y-You heard us? We didn't want to wake you."

"I heard you guys come in," Amelia confessed. "And then I couldn't get back to sleep. You guys were kinda loud. You're lucky you didn't wake the kids. Did Derek make sure to soundproof their rooms or something?" Amelia laughed.

Meredith's face flushed and she set Zola down, who ran back to her chair and took a sip out of her cup. Derek stumbled out of the bedroom and met eyes with his wife and his sister.

"'Morning, Daddy!" Zola clapped as her father entered the room, and she slid off her chair again to welcome her father into the room. She wrapped her arms around him, and Derek kneeled down and gave Zola a kiss.

"Good morning, Princess," Derek smiled, and then he tilted his head toward Amelia. "What's for breakfast, sis?"

"French toast sticks!" Amelia announced, as she filled five plates with warm French toast sticks. The wispy smoke rose above the food, showing its warmth. Derek joined Amelia in the kitchen and sliced up one of the sticks before serving it to his son.

"Bailey, I bet you're gonna love this," Derek cooed at his son, whose eyes focused on the food presented to him.

"He had regular French toast for the first time two days ago," Meredith informed Derek.

"Did you, now?" Derek asked Bailey in a high-pitched voice. "My little guy is growing up fast." Derek eyed Meredith.

"Yes, he is," Meredith agreed, and Derek eyed her again.

"Soon he's going to be walking, and running, and before we know it, he'll be in school. We'll be empty nesters, Meredith," Derek sighed, still talking in a baby voice.

Meredith laughed. "I think _empty nesters _is a term used to refer to children moving completely out of the house and going to college. I think we've got at least seventeen more years, Derek." Meredith eyed Amelia, who quickly hid the smile on her face when she noticed Meredith was looking at her. Amelia handed Zola a plate of food. Zola quickly stuffed two French toast sticks in her mouth at once.

"Zola!" Derek cried. "You're going to choke. Only bite one at a time."

Meredith suddenly flashbacked to intern year when George, Alex, and Cristina had had a hotdog eating contest, and Cristina had put two hotdogs in her mouth at a time. "There's no contest, Zo." Meredith quickly grabbed her iPad that happened to be sitting on the counter and snapped a picture of Zola. "Your Aunt Cristina would be proud, though."

"Meredith, don't encourage our daughter to choke!" Derek scolded as he rushed over to Zola. He reached into her mouth and forced her to spit the French Toast out of her mouth. He began cutting up the pieces of French toast that remained. "Only one _little_ bite at a time, Zola."

"I sorry," Zola said quietly once the food was entirely out of her mouth. "But it yummy."

"You know what will make it even yummier?" Amelia's face lit up. "Syrup!" She held a big bottle of Maple Syrup in her hands. "Try it, Zola." Amelia walked over to Zola's plate and poured a little dab of syrup onto it.

Zola dabbed a bite of her French toast in the syrup on her place and put it in her mouth. "Mmm. Yum!"

Bailey was also devouring his French toast bites.

"At least your kids like something I make," laughed Amelia. Derek was still intently looking at Meredith. "Aren't you guys going to eat?"

Meredith grabbed a stick off one of the remaining plates and put it in her mouth without syrup. "I have to get ready," Meredith insisted hurriedly. "I have surgery in an hour, and it takes thirty minutes to get to the hospital."

Meredith began heading toward the bathroom, and Derek followed after.

"What was that?" he spat giving her an intent look. She could tell he was angry, and she wasn't sure what'd she done to warrant this anger.

"What was what?" she spat back in a raised voice and placed her hands on her hips.

"Our daughter could have choked, and you were encouraging her by telling her that her Aunt Cristina would be proud? And then you took her picture?"

"Are you implying I'm a bad mom? She looked cute, and I thought I'd show the picture to Cristina later. And Zola wasn't going to choke. You were right there. She's fine."

"No, I'm not implying you're a bad mom! Because I know you're not, and that was completely out of character for you. I just wanted an explanation."

"Well," Meredith said flatly as she opened her drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans and black polkadot shirt. "Maybe I _want _your sister to think I'm a bad mom. I mean, there _you _were going on and on about how we were going to be empty nesters, and how Bailey was growing up. Did you _see _the look on your sister's face? You want another baby, Derek. Just say it."

"Okay," Derek said slowly. He placed his hands on the top of Meredith's shoulders and gently lowered them on her arms, embracing her in his arms. "I want another baby." He wrapped her in his arms and began massaging his thumbs into her shoulder blades. "But I want another baby with _you_. Whether it be biologically or through adoption...and I know it's not going to do Amy any good if we step up and agree to adopt her child. She's my sister, and I do feel somewhat obligated to support her."

"Do you?" Meredith gasped, looking up at Derek and carefully pushing him away. "Because yesterday you were bound and determined to get her fired. Now you're actually considering we should adopt her baby? Derek, what happened to waiting two or three years? Until Bailey was out of diapers? We just got Zola potty trained before Bailey was born. Bailey will be in diapers for another year, at least. I can't have two kids in diapers, Derek. We can't. Not with you traveling all the time, and not with me still trying to have a career. It's _not _going to work. It's not working now, so how the Hell do you expect it to work with another baby?"

"What happened to _whatever happens, happens_?" Derek quoted her words from last night and Meredith's face froze.

"I had a moment of weakness," she sighed. "It was stupid and irresponsible."

"You're right," Derek said softly. "It's not working...so I"ll cut back on my traveling."

"Oh, so you're going to call the President of the United States and tell him you quit?" Meredith rolled her eyes doubtfully.

"Not exactly," Derek answered. "But what if I tell him that I can only travel once a month, and not for more than two days at a time? There's no reason I can't use my office in Seattle more often, and there's no reason more patients can't be sent here. Plus, with technology, there's a lot I can do via video conferences. I'm going to be honest with you, Meredith. I was bored out of my mind this last time, and I felt like much of what I actually did could have been done easily online. It's the 21st Century. And if the President doesn't want to comply with modern technology, then fine, I'll quit."

"You'll quit?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Damn, you must_ really _want another baby."

Derek laughed. "And maybe we don't adopt Amelia's baby. But we can certainly help her out. She's obviously in a rough patch right now. Maybe we can turn my office into another bedroom. She can't keep sleeping on the couch, and it seems like she plans on staying here until the baby is born."

"You'd give up your home office for Amelia?" Meredith laughed.

"She's my sister," Derek insisted. "We're tied together by blood. And you said it yourself yesterday, and I saw it firsthand last night and this morning. It is nice having her around. She's really good with Bailey and Zola, and I do have a feeling we can convince her that she'll make a good mother too. Even if it means she lives with us for a little while after the baby is born and we help her out. If I know my sister, she's going to get attached to that baby the minute she sees him and she won't want to give him up anymore. Amy just needs a little reassurance, and I do think you and I are the perfect match to give her that. After all, you didn't want kids at first, then I convinced you. I can be _very _convincing." He raised his eyebrows.

"Mmm," Meredith murmured as Derek ruffled his nose against her hair and lightly kissed her forehead. "What happened to no more strays?" she asked.

"Amelia isn't a stray. She's my sister. It's no different than when you took Lexie in when she was in need," Derek said and Meredith's face froze. She swallowed, trying not to show emotion at the mention of her late sister's name. Derek shook his head. "Meredith, I know you don't like to talk about Lexie, and it's because you're still hurting. I'm the same way about my dad...it's okay to miss your sister, Meredith."

"Stop," Meredith said harshly. "Can we not bring Lexie into this? For one, Amelia isn't Lexie. Lexie didn't have another human being occupying her womb, for one."

"I thought you were open to helping my sister." Derek lifted an eyebrow confusedly. "At least yesterday you were."

Meredith exhaled a sigh. "I am," she said, "and it's nice having her around, it's just...I thought we'd talk her into keeping the baby and then send her back to L.A.? I wasn't prepared for you to suggest she move in with us."

"You're always saying how you don't want our children to be raised by strangers," Derek pointed out. "Amelia is our kids' aunt. And it might be good for them to have her around." He shrugged his shoulders.

"I thought you thought she was a bad influence on them," Meredith said. "You wouldn't even let her see Zola the last time she was in town."

"She's human," Derek replied, shaking his head, "she's made mistakes, we all have. I can't hold it against her forever. She's my baby sister, and I'd rather her be here where I can keep a close eye on her than somewhere else, making more mistakes."

"Derek, Amelia is an adult. She's going to make her own mistakes. I know you want to protect her, but you can't. You can only do so much," Meredith said, feeling a tear form in her eyes as she pictured in her head an auburn-haired young woman who had died way too early, before she'd even had a chance to even live. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I couldn't protect Lexie, and now she's dead." She fell into Derek's arms and he gently massaged his thumb into her shoulder blade.

"I know, Meredith. I know. There's only so much we have control over in this life," Derek whispered softly in her ear and buried his face in her soft hair.

_London Calling _by The Clash blasted through the room. Derek's ringtone. Someone was calling him. Derek let go of Meredith, who was fast to wipe away her tears. Derek reached for his phone, which had been nightstand and his face frowned. "Addie."

"I'm gonna take a shower," Meredith said, then added teasingly with a weak smile, "I'd let you join, but you have important ex-wife business to tend to."

"Oh, so not fair," Derek sighed, and to Meredith's dismay, he answered his phone. "Hello, Addison."

* * *

><p>Meredith's shower was quick and far too short lived. She first let the water beat warmly on her face, washing the dry tear stains off her face. She lathered her entire body, from head to toe, with soap, and washed her hair. The entire process took no longer than ten minutes. Stepping out of the shower, she reached for a burgundy cotton towel and wrapped it around herself. She quickly started blow drying her drenched hair. As she dried her hair with one hand, she reached for the rectangular plastic container in the medicine cabinet. She snapped open the contained and carefully counted the pills. There were fourteen pills left in the package, including the placebo week. She looked up at the light, trying to remember exactly how many days she had missed. She knew she'd missed the last two days, but she couldn't remember if she'd taken it three days ago or not. It had been a rough morning, because it'd been the first morning after Derek had left. She remembered rummaging to get Zola and Bailey both dressed and out the door. She hadn't had time to shower. She was willing to bet she'd missed the pill that day too.<p>

So that was three, not two, days that she'd missed her pill.

Her stomach tightened as she recalled the risky activity Derek and she had partaken in the night before He'd pulled out in plenty of time, though, and he'd finished on her stomach. She really didn't think she had a reason to worry. After all, they'd had unprotected sex with him finishing inside her for years, and she hadn't gotten pregnant. She wasn't too concerned.

She took three pills to catch herself up to schedule. Just as she placed the container back in the medicine container, the door swung open. She watched as a sulking Derek entered the bathroom and reached for his toothbrush. "Wow," he smirked.

"Wow?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, nothing. My hot wife just happens to be wearing a towel, and I have to say, it's turning me on."

Meredith giggled. "Well, too bad I just got _out _of the shower, and I really need to get going. You missed your chance, buddy." Derek frowned, and put his arms around Meredith's towel and rubbed his hands against her soft, moist skin. "

"You're such a tease," Derek whispered in her ear. And he took his hands off her and squeezed a bit of toothpaste on his brush.

"I didn't ask you to come in while I was still naked," Meredith laughed. "Anyway, how did the ex-wife phone call go? Judging by the look on your face when you walked in here, not so great?"

"Not great is an overstatement," Derek said, and began brushing his teeth. Meredith widened her eyes, not sure if she wanted to know what he meant by that. She went back into the bedroom and took the clothes she'd laid on the bed and dressed herself. Once she was dressed, she peeked back into the bathroom and found Derek naked, about to get in the shower.

"So, I get dressed, and you get naked. I see how it is," Meredith teased.

"You're the one who emphasized on how important it was you got to work on time," Derek shrugged.

"It's not my fault that your ex-wife called _just _as I was about to hop in the shower," Meredith retorted back. "By the way, are you going to tell me what she said?"

"Do you really want to know?" Derek sulked.

"Um...by the tone in your voice, I'm guessing not?"

"Thought so. Let's just say it involved lots of yelling. She wanted to know why I didn't call her sooner about Amelia transferring permanently to Seattle. I told her it wasn't my place, and then she went on to talk about how hurt this James guy is."

"Did you tell Addison about the baby?"

"I did not," Derek shook his head. "If Amelia wants to tell her, then she will. It's not either your or my place to say anything to anyone."

"Well, I'm glad we can agree on one thing," Meredith insisted. She looked at her watch as Derek turned on the shower water. She had to leave the house within the next ten minutes to catch the next ferryboat to make it to Grey Sloan Memorial on time, otherwise she would have to wait thirty minutes and would be late for her surgery. "Uh, I have to go. Are you coming into the hospital today?"

"Yeah, I'll be in later. I think Amy's getting the kids ready now. She mentioned wanting to ride in with you. Oh, by the way, I didn't tell her that Addie called."

"Not a bad idea," Meredith noted.

"Oh, Meredith? You could have left me some warm water!" Derek hollered from the shower as Meredith was about to walk into the living room.

"That's what you get for answering ex-wife phone calls!" Meredith called back, then she snickered as she departed her bedroom.

* * *

><p>Meredith was blissfully surprised when she saw that Amelia had managed to get Bailey and Zola fully bathed, dressed, and ready to leave all by herself.<p>

"Wow, I'm impressed, Amelia," Meredith complimented. "Are you sure you're not already a mother?"

Amelia snickered and rolled her eyes. "No, I'm just used to babysitting triplets."

"Hm, then you've already got one up on me. I've never babysat triplets before. I couldn't even imagine." Meredith quickly grabbed her iPad off the living room table and then grabbed her purse. "Ready to go to daycare?"

"I get to see Blakey and Sofi!" Zola exclaimed eagerly.

"Yes, you do," Meredith smiled at her little girl. "Let's go. Mommy has a surgery she needs to get to."

Amelia was kind enough to drop the kids off at daycare so Meredith was able to change into her scrubs quickly. As she was in the Attendings' lounge, Cristina stoically entered and Meredith remembered the picture of Zola she'd taken that morning.

"You look in a hurry," Cristina observed as Meredith was quick to tie her hair back in a ponytail. "Got a surgery?"

"Yeah, in ten minutes," Meredith said, looking at her watch. She'd made unusually good time today on her way to the hospital. She was watching the time closely. She'd already sent a text to Robbins telling her that she was on her way, but she hadn't heard back. She pulled out her iPad. She swiped the screen to unlock it, though she was confused when the screen to enter her password didn't pop up. She didn't remember removing her password. "But you have to see what Zola did this morning. I got in trouble for taking this picture, too." Meredith laughed.

"McDreamy scolded you for taking a picture? Oh, this has to be good." Meredith took a seat next to Cristina, who leaned over Meredith's shoulder. Meredith launched her pictures, expecting to see the photo of Zola with French toast in her mouth. Instead, her heart dropped, as she looked at the photo that appeared. Her stomach tightened nauseously as she saw her purple laced bra and her fingers lowered into her silky black underwear. The tiny rectangle in the corner of the screen showed a naked Derek. It was a screenshot from two nights ago, when Derek had still been in D.C. "Crap," Meredith said as she quickly closed the app. Apparently, she'd accidentally grabbed Derek's iPad instead of her own. She was going to kill Derek.

"Hot damn, Mer," Cristina's eyes widened. "Wait, Zola took a picture of Mommy and Daddy doing naughty things? By the way, I always figured McDreamy was above average, but…"

"Cristina!" Meredith cried, closing her iPad, terribly mortified that her best friend was commenting on her husband's size. "It's supposed to be a picture of Zola with two sticks of French toast in her mouth. It reminded me of you, but _apparently _I grabbed Derek's iPad by mistake."

"Oh," Cristina's eyes widened. "I sense McDreamy is about to be McDead."

"I've got to go," Meredith said as she dashed out of the room, mortified that Derek had actually taken a screenshot of her naked. How many pictures on his iPad were there of her? She was afraid to look. She couldn't believe he'd actually done that. Then again, she deserved it. She had just showed him how to screenshot a picture. She swallowed. She knew it wasn't the end of the world. It was just a picture on his iPad, but what if he lost his iPad? What if it fell into the wrong hands? _Like the president's. _And why the Hell wasn't his iPad at least password protected? What had Derek been thinking? He was the one who'd always freaked out about sending naked pictures because someone might find his phone, and then he'd gone ahead and taken those pictures?

Meredith's feet moved swiftly as she approached the patient's room. The patient was a fourteen-year-old girl named Lena Johnson. She had a tumor in her stomach. She and Robbins had planned to operate together to remove the girl's tumor.

But when Meredith approached Lena's room, it wasn't Arizona Robbins she saw standing outside the room. It was Alex Karev.

"Alex, what are you doing here? This is Robbins's and my case." Meredith was perplexed as it appeared Alex was studying Lena's chart.

"No one told you? Robbins and Torres both called in _sick _today, so you're stuck with me." Alex's voice was harsh.

"That's awful," Meredith sighed.

"Look, I get that you don't want to work with me, but…"

"No, I mean Zola was looking forward to seeing Sofia today. If Callie and Arizona called in sick, I'd imagine they didn't bring Sofia to daycare...well, at least she still has…" She stopped before she mentioned Blake. Alex already appeared to be tuning her out. "Alex, are you okay?"

"Just stop," Alex spat. "Don't ask if I'm okay, _okay_? I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Meredith observed.

"Look, you of all people know what it's like not to want to be asked if you're okay, so please don't, Mer. I don't need crap from you too."

"Alex, I don't mean to pry, but who's giving you crap?" Meredith asked, wondering if he was referring to Cristina's sly comments the day before. Of course, he lived with Cristina, so perhaps she had said something to him last night too.

Alex released a sigh. "Let's just prep this kid for surgery, okay? We have to work together, so let's just keep it at that. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, Alex. Okay," Meredith said. She knew he needed his space, and she wasn't going to force him to talk about anything he didn't want to. "But if you do want to talk about it, we have an entire procedure to talk through."

She remembered her conversation with Jo late last night. Meredith sensed that Jo hadn't yet spoken to Alex, but it wasn't any of her business. When Alex was ready to talk, he would talk. Until then, Meredith would let him have his space.

They rolled the girl into surgery, and Meredith was reminded of the last time she had worked with Alex to remove a kid's tumors. Of course, the boy's case had been so much more worse than Lena's. The tumors were larger and harder to remove. Lena's tumor was small and in a fairly easy to get to location. Meredith had been so determined to remove all the boy's tumors though. Alex had doubted her ability, and that had stung. At the time, she'd felt like Alex, too, doubted her ability as a surgeon.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she looked at the angle Alex was approaching the umor. "Arizona and I planned to go from this angle." Meredith showed Alex on the monitor exactly how she and Arizona had intended to approach the tumor.

"I think it'll be easier if we go in this way," Alex protested. "Then she'll have less scarring, and we won't have to go as deep."

"But there's a risk we won't be able to get the whole tumor," Meredith insisted. "I think it's best we stick to the original plan. The thorough plan that Robbins and I devised together."

"You know what, Mer? Whatever." He dropped the scalpel on the tray. "Do whatever the Hell you want. I'm out. I'm sick of people lying to me, saying they're here for me, when they're not. You're all a bunch of liars. Jo said she'd be there for me, that she'd support me through everything, and then guess what? She didn't even come home last night. She didn't answer my calls this morning. I'm done. I'm done with liars."

"Alex…"

He stormed out of the operating room, and Meredith exhaled as she turned toward Bokhee. "Page Dr. Wilson," Meredith instructed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So we see a lot happen in this chapter, a lot of progress. By the way, I'm stoked to hear that Amelia is coming back to Grey's! I've wanted it for so long. Perfect timing for this story, right?**


	21. Chapter 21

Dark circles were bagged around Dr. Jo Wilson's eyes. Her hair was a mess. It was obvious she had slept only a few hours the night before, most likely sitting upright in a chair, with her chin leaning against her hand.

"What's going on, Dr. Gr-Meredith?" Jo asked Meredith, who stood above the patient. She'd taken the scalpel in her hand and was ready to cut.

"I need an extra hand, so you're scrubbing in," Meredith told Jo, whose brown eyes widened with surprise.

"Another surgery in less than twenty-four hours? I mean, yes, of course. I'll be ready right away." Jo beamed and she went into the scrub room to scrub. Meredith exhaled and smiled weakly, remembering what it was like to have your day made when an attending told her to scrub in during her residency. She knew that she was often resented by the other residents, because Derek always had her on his service and she scrubbed in all the time. It didn't ask nor expect special treatment. In fact, there were times she tried to avoid his service because she didn't want special treatments. Looking back, though, she'd enjoyed every minute of it, and sometimes, although she would never admit it, she credited Derek for helping her become the surgeon she was today. She wouldn't have gotten to scrub in on near as many procedures if it hadn't been for him. She'd watched Izzie and George struggle to get in on surgeries, and Cristina struggled after Burke left.

Jo bounced out of the scrub room. "Okay, what do you need me to do?" Jo asked. Meredith could sense the enthusiasm and eagerness to learn in the resident's eyes. Meredith began explaining the procedure to her.

"Do you want to open?" Meredith asked, and Jo's eyes widened.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't know if I'm ready…I don't want to mess up."

"Confidence, Jo," Meredith told her. "It's the first and most crucial trait a surgeon must have. Without it, you won't succeed. You're never _going _to be ready to make that first cut. It's not something you can prepare for. You've just got to believe in yourself." Jo nodded hesitantly, and Meredith handed Jo the scalpel. "Ready to cut?"

Jo carefully cut the scalpel into the patient's skin, and Meredith didn't take her eye off Jo as she perfectly opened up the patient. Meredith proceeded to explain the procedure to Wilson.

"Wait, isn't this a peds case? Shouldn't Arizona or," Jo gulped, "Alex be here?"

Meredith exhaled. "Actually, that's why I paged you." Jo looked up, and Meredith began the procedure. "Alex walked out. He, uh, seems to think you're avoiding him. You ignored his call this morning."

"Huh?" Jo raised an eyebrow. She looked off. "Oh, shit. I think my phone was on silent then. I stayed in Jenni's room last night, and I didn't want it to go off and wake her."

"How's Jenni doing?" asked Meredith, having not forgotten about the little girl she'd stayed late to help the night before.

"She's doing as well as she can," replied Jo with a deep sigh. "I called social services this morning. As soon as she's released, she'll be going in their custody. Her mom didn't even come back tonight or this morning. I was with her when you paged. She's such a sweet kid. Actually...I see a lot of me in her. Oh, God, Alex thinks I'm ignoring him...I feel horrible now. I didn't expect him to call me at all."

"I wouldn't feel too bad. He didn't answer your calls last night, you said," Meredith said.

"Yeah, but maybe he was sleeping or his phone was off or I don't know. Like you said, he needed space, and then when he was ready to talk to me, I wasn't there. He must feel abandoned," said Jo. "I feel like such a bad girlfriend."

Meredith laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Wilson, you're not a bad girlfriend," Meredith insisted. "I've known Alex for about eight years, and let me tell you, I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to him."

"Really?" Jo looked up with wide eyes and met eyes with Meredith for a split second.

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know if he knows it yet, but yes. Oh, there!" The tumor was in full visualization. She pointed it out to Jo, as they prepared for removal. "I need suction."

After the tumor was removed, Meredith allowed Jo to close up Lena, while monitoring her closely. "You, Alex, and Izzie were all friends, right?" Jo asked. Meredith looked up and didn't respond. "I mean, I know you were comforting Izzie in the bathroom yesterday…"

"Izzie and Alex were my roommates," Meredith declared, leaving out the detail that they'd all lived in Alex's house. It felt weird to refer to her old house, the house that had been her mother's, as _Alex's _house. "We lived and worked together, so yes, we were all very close."

"I know you said Izzie hurt Alex, and I can't even begin to wrap my mind around why she would hide his son from him for so many years, but you knew her. Is she really crazy? And do you think there's a chance Alex still loves her? I guess deep down, I keep telling myself she's a complete lunatic, so Alex wouldn't want anything to do with her. But honestly, I-I'm terrified that Alex will decide to leave me for her. She is the mother of his kid. I really don't want to lose him. Everyone else around here-all the other residents-have had their hearts broken by attendings. I-I've seen what they've gone through, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through that. And Alex...he's amazing. He can be a dick at times, but he's kind and sweet too. There aren't a lot of guys out there who have hearts like him, you know?" Meredith couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh Gosh, now I'm rambling and you think I'm the crazy lunatic."

"I don't think you're a crazy lunatic, Jo," Meredith insisted, gently laughing. "I was just thinking about how it wasn't too long ago I was in your position. Did you know Derek was actually married when I met him?"

"He was?" Jo's eyes widened. "I guess I've heard rumors, but who knows what you can and can't believe around here. I knew you'd met when you were an intern."

"Right. Well, I was known as the _dirty mistress_ back when I was an intern," Meredith started, "I didn't even know he was married until his wife showed up one evening as Derek and I were preparing to go out on a date, and she announced that I was the woman who'd been screwing her husband."

Jo's jaw dropped. "Oh, wow. That must have been really hard for you."

"Oh, you have no idea," Meredith said. "Let's just say that tequila became my very best friend for a while, but it all worked out in the end. Addison moved to L.A. and has her own private practice, Derek and I got married, and life is just peachy." _Peachy _was an overstatement, but Jo didn't know that. Everyone in the hospital seemed to think that she and Derek lived a perfect life with perfect house in the perfect Dream House. From an outsider's perspective, her life did look perfect. And her life was pretty great. But that's because she and Derek had learned to keep their drama out of the hospital. They'd learned how to make it work without involving all of their co-workers. Their problems were their problems. They didn't need to involve the rest of the hospital in them.

Of course, now Amelia was back in town, and who knew what drama she would stir up. Meredith didn't dislike Amelia, but she wasn't sure if she could be trusted.

"Sounds a little scandalous," Jo pointed out, referring the Meredith-Derek-Addison triangle.

"I didn't intend for any of it to happen, nor did I plan on being a husband stealer. But I wouldn't change what happened. What's supposed to happen will happen, Jo. It's all going to work out in the end," Meredith gave Jo a piece of her wisdom. She didn't know when she'd become so optimistic, and she of all people knew how it was hard to be optimistic in the situation Jo was going through. Meredith knew that if she were going through, she wasn't so confident she'd be the optimistic either.

Jo shrugged, "At least Alex isn't still married to her." Then her eyes shot open wide. "Wait, he isn't, right? You're not telling me this all because Alex is still secretly married to Izzie, right? Oh, my God…"

Meredith chuckled. "Jo, relax. I saw the papers. They're divorced."

Jo breathed a sigh of relief, and Meredith's phone beeped. She reached for her phone, surprised to see she had a page from Derek.

_9-1-1, my office _

Meredith clenched her fists together as she remembered the photos she had discovered just before she'd entered surgery. Perhaps Derek had discovered that she'd grabbed his iPad, and he was worried that she would discover the pictures.

She wondered what else could be possibly so important that he was paging her 9-1-1. She smiled to herself, briefly calling the days when Derek would page her to his old office for super-secret sex. The last time Derek had paged her 9-1-1 to his office, it had been five minutes before the daycare was about to close for the day, and it'd been his day to pick up the kids, but he was tied up and couldn't get out of the office. Needless to say, Meredith was pretty livid afterward, and they didn't have sex for two weeks after that.

Meredith turned to Jo. Lena was closed up and ready to go back to recovery. "You can bring Lena to recovery, right?" Meredith asked Jo.

Jo nodded her head. "Yeah, sure."

"Okay, page me when she wakes up," Meredith told Jo as she dashed out of the operating room.

* * *

><p>She clenched tightly to Derek's iPad as she made an anxious dash to Derek's office. Meredith hadn't figured out how she was deal with Derek in regards to the photos she'd found on his iPad. She really wasn't mad, because she knew he wouldn't share the pictures with anyone else intentionally. She was just shocked, and the initial shock had already blew over. Her biggest concern was the fact his iPad wasn't password protected. If he was going to take pictures of her like that, he should at least have his iPad password protected.<p>

She cracked the door open to find Derek sitting behind his desk, buried in his computer. He looked up the instant Meredith entered the room.

"You paged?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, running her hand over the iPad. He stood up and pushed his chair in.

"Close the door," Derek smirked, walking toward her. She pushed the door shut. Her heart raced as Derek moved in on her and pushed her against the door, then locked it. He gently pressed his lips against hers, and her breathing quickened as his lips moved down her neck and a moan escaped her lips.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd, what are you doing?" Meredith asked inquisitively, still holding onto the iPad. Her teeth hovered over her lip, debating on whether to say something. He wrapped his strong arms around her waist and pulled her in close; she set his iPad down on the table by the door, then Derek ran his fingers through her hair and softly kissed her cheek. Meredith sensed that he hadn't noticed the iPads had been swapped, so she decided to keep her mouth shut and let him find out himself.

"Well," Derek laughed, "you were saying last night how you missed sneaking away for sex."

"Mmm," Meredith murmured as Derek wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground. She giggled softly, feeling rejuvenated in youthfulness, as she reminisced her intern and resident years. Derek set her on his desk and began kissing her neck, working his lips down to her collarbone. She noticed his computer in the corner of her eye, careful not to lean back far enough to budge it. She noticed the webcam. "That's off, right?" she asked sternly, not having forgotten the picture on the iPad. She bit her lip, secretly enjoying Derek's ignorance.

"The webcam?" Derek asked, his dazzling blue eyes twinkled as he seductively gazed into her eyes. "Yeah, of course. Well, it doesn't work anyway. The NIH staffers haven't been able to see me through it yet. Not sure what's wrong with it. Do you think I'd be doing this if it was on?" He laughed and nuzzled his nose against hers.

"Well, gee, I don't know. Maybe you have some deal with the president to produce his live porn," Meredith said and watched as Derek raised an eyebrow, chuckling.

"Hm, live porn?" He kissed her nose. "You and I would make pretty good porn stars, huh?" He slowly removed her lab jacket and then took off his shirt. She pressed her hand against his warm, hairy chest and giggled softly.

"I suppose we would, but I'd prefer the President of the United States not to see me naked. My naked body is for your eyes only," Meredith replied adamantly, raising her eyebrows, not thrilled that Cristina had seen her almost-naked earlier. Though, she was glad it was Cristina and not someone else. Cristina and Meredith had seen each other in little clothing plenty of times. Cristina would just tease her about the circumstance, which she could handle, because Meredith knew about Cristina and Owen's sexts.

Derek's eyes rounded, and she sensed a hint of guilt in his sparkly blue eyes. His eyes always said everything. She looked around the room carefully, halfway expecting to find a hidden camera.

"There's, uh, not a bug in this room, is there?" It wouldn't surprise her if the president had a chip in Derek's room that allowed him to hear everything that was said. Big Brother was always watching, right?

"God, I hope not." Derek's eyes widened as he slid her scrub top off and sat down in his chair and she kicked off her tennis shoes. He pulled off her pants and then pulled his off, pulling her on top of him. She wrapped her legs tightly around him and felt his erection through his underwear as he lightly kissed the top of her breast as he unfastened her bra. She kissed his ear and ran her fingers through his soft dark hair. Their lips collided again as he worked off her panties, and she helped him slide his off. "One sec," Derek said as he reached for his desk drawer and Meredith saw him pull out a Trojan condom.

"You bought condoms?" Meredith laughed, her stomach fluttered. "So, this was definitely premeditated."

He smiled warmly and breathed his warm breath into her ear. "There's nothing wrong with premeditated sex." He took the condom out of the wrapper and carefully put it on, and he lifted her off the chair and carried her over to his new cushioned couch in the corner of the room. She was on top of him, kissing his chest as she inserted him into her. She moved her hips gently up and down and her heart rate spiked as she moved her hips faster and faster. Meredith loved the power she felt when she was in control. She indulged in this power she possessed, as she prepared to drive them both over the edge. The sensation wasn't as strong as it was without the glove, but tiny waves of pleasure radiated within her body. Soft moans escaped her lips, as the last thing she wanted their sex date to remain unheard by others in the hospital. Or worse, the president, if he _did _have a bug in the room. In that case, she was screwed-literally. It was too late for her to care, though.

She panted fiercely as she breathlessly approached her climax. She could see Derek's eyes shimmer as he reached his climax with her. Meredith fell off Derek and rested her head against his shoulder. She kissed his neck, "That was great, but condoms suck. No more condoms, okay?"

Derek laughed. "You'd rather get pregnant than use condoms?" Meredith didn't answer his question, because she honestly didn't know the answer. Derek exhaled, "You're the one who forgot to take your pill. You know, there are other methods, so you don't have to have to remember to take the capsule every day."

Meredith groaned; she was well aware. Sometimes Derek's knowledge of the female reproduction system could be irritating, though. He'd been married to a gynecologist for eleven years, so of course he knew a lot more than most men.

"I know," Meredith said. "Trust me, I know."

"You could get on the shot, and then you only have to get it every three months," Derek suggested.

"There are so many side effects of the shot, though," Meredith rejected. "Depression, weight gain, hair loss, nausea, oh _and _lowered sex drive. I don't think you'd appreciate that. So you'd have a depressed bald puking fat wife who never wanted to have sex with you."

Derek's eyes widened and then he laughed. He kissed her neck lightly. "I don't think it's possible for you to get fat, Meredith, and if you did, you'd still be beautiful."

Meredith sighed. "Don't flatter me. Besides, I've heard of women who were on the shot and couldn't get pregnant again after going off it. I don't want another baby now, but in another two years...once Bailey's potty trained and in preschool, and Zola's in kindergarten, I might. Did you talk to your president's people about cutting back on your travel."

"I did," he said, "and they said they'd try to cut back on my needed travel hours." He leaned in and gave her a peck on the lips. "And that does sound like a good time to try again," he said.

"We had such a hard time getting pregnant the first time. I don't want to do anything to decrease my fertility, since the chances of us ever having another baby are so slim as it is." She exhaled. "And good. They must _really _want you, since they've been so quick to negotiate with you."

"Yeah, I guess," Derek shrugged like it was no big deal, "And you're just saying that you want to keep the option open...for more babies," Derek said carefully. "It's understandable, and if we don't have another baby, that's fine too. We can always adopt, too. There are lots of babies in the world who don't have parents."

Meredith nodded just as she heard her phone buzzing from her pants pocket, which was all the way over by Derek's desk. She groaned and leaned into kiss him again. "We definitely have too much going on now to even be having this conversation."

"There's nothing wrong with having this conversation," laughed Derek. "It's good to have a plan."

"You and I both know that plans never turn out the way we plan them," Meredith said as she covered herself as she walked in front of Derek's computer, just in case the webcam actually was on, and she bent over to grab her phone out of her pocket. She had a text from Owen.

_9-1-1 - incoming trauma - school bus hit cab - ALL HANDS ON DECK_

"Crap," Meredith said out loud.

"What's wrong, Meredith?" Derek said as he walked behind her and placed his soft, warm hand on her shoulder.

"Hunt just paged me. We have an incoming trauma. I guess a bus hit a cab. Hunt says all hands on deck," Meredith said as she quickly dressed herself in her navy blue scrubs.

"Hm, he didn't page me," Derek observed, looking at his phone.

"Probably thinks you're busy doing important presidently duties," Meredith noted jokingly. Derek shrugged. Meredith added, "Though, I'm sure he can use you. You should come with me."

"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to get out of this office for a little bit," Derek said as he put on his scrubs. The couple made a dash for the Emergency Room together.

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><p><strong>AN: I just thought I'd warn you that updates will probably be slower after this chapter. I have the next two chapters written, but work has been pretty hectic lately, and considering a vast majority of this story has been written while I was at work, that's slowing me down tremendously. I now only have nights and weekends to write, and my peak creativity hours are in the morning! I'll just hint this: A Shondaland character was affected by the accident mentioned in this chapter. The question is…who?**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: So, I'm going to make an effort to update this story at least once a week, probably on Friday. Work has been crazy. By the way, as I've said, I am NOT a surgeon or in any related medical field. In fact, I get paid to tweet – and update all other social media platforms. There will be situations where I literally make up courses of treatment, because that's what my passion is—making up things! I do try to keep it as believable as possible, though, and I research as much as possible. By the way, I loved reading your reviews last chapter. You guys guessed that the person involved in the accident would be Zola/Sofia, Alex, or Amelia. Hmm… well, I never said it was a _Grey's _character. **

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><p>Chaos filled the Emergency Room as Meredith and Derek entered the room together. Doctors, nurses, and paramedics were everywhere, bringing patients in on stretchers. They met Hunt, who was directing traffic.<p>

"Shepherd, what are you doing here? I paged the other Shepherd. You're not on my O.R. rotation." Hunt's face filled with confusion.

"Meredith said you said all hands on deck. I'm on deck, so I'm here. Now, tell me where I need to go," Derek responded intensely. He eyed Meredith. Meredith's eyes wandered around the E.R. Her stomach tightened as she saw the children, who couldn't be older than eight or nine, lying in hospital beds. Some of them appeared to have only minor cuts and abrasions, whereas others appeared to be far more critical.

"Actually, it's a good thing you're here, because I have a number with spinal and head injuries and not enough doctors to examine them, and it doesn't help that Torres and Robbins are out sick," Owen said, exasperating a sigh. "The cab driver reportedly slammed on his brakes, causing the bus to rear-end the cab, completely totaling the car. The driver died on impact. Several of the kids were apparently goofing off in the back in the bus and not sitting when it happened, so we have ten kids who flew down the aisle." Owen started walking, and Derek and Meredith followed as he pointed out a child with a broken leg that Dr. Bailey was examining. They passed more children with severe injuries, and Meredith's heart broke. It was always the children that got to her, they always had, but now that she had her own children, it was even more difficult to bear. The thought of sending her child to school one day and receiving a phone call that something like this had happened was any parent's worst nightmare. School buses were supposed to be a safe commute for kids.

Owen stopped in front of a man whose cuts and abrasions were much worse than any of the kids'. Meredith's eyes widened. April was suturing blood that gushed out of his stomach while Leah and a nurse sutured his other wounds on his arms and legs. Cuts and abrasions covered his entire body, most likely caused by being thrown through a window.

"The passenger?" Derek asked.

Owen nodded. "He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, which ironically may have saved his life, at least for now. He was thrown through the windshield when the bus hit the cab. He had a California driver's license in his wallet, which indicated his name is James Peterson. We have nurses trying to locate his family. I wouldn't be surprised if his injuries are far deeper than the ones on the surface."

Meredith's face froze, and she and Derek locked eyes. Meredith could tell that he was thinking the same thing that she was. _James _Peterson. _No, _Meredith thought_, he can't be. _

"You two look like you've just seen a ghost. Do you know this guy?" Owen observed.

"D-Did you say James?" Derek stumbled over his words.

"Yes, that's right, James Peterson."

"Crap," Derek said. He hovered over the patient and studied his face closer.

"Derek, what's going on? Do you know this guy?" Owen asked perplexedly.

Derek shot toward Owen. "Okay, here's what you're going to do. Keep Amelia far away from this patient, and do _not _tell her his name. I'm ninety-nine percent certain that this is her boyfriend or _ex-_boyfriend." Derek's voice was stern and demanding as he gazed worriedly at Owen.

Owen's blue eyes widened and his face whitened as hints of worry and slight confusion plastered his face. "O-Okay," Owen stumbled, seemingly at a loss for words.

"Chief Hunt, where do you need me? I'm sorry that I didn't get down here sooner. I was in the middle of a surgery…" Amelia's voice interrupted as she walked closer to Derek, Meredith, and Owen.

Owen shot a quick look at Derek and Meredith before he made a dash toward Amelia. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around, before she could get a look at the patient. "Yes, right. I have a little boy over here who suffered a blunt force to the head that I need you to examine." Hunt walked with Amelia to the other side of the E.R.

"All right, fill us in, Kepner," Meredith said, reaching for her iPad-Derek's iPad-so she could pull up James's chart.

"James has been unconscious since the paramedics brought him in. Pulse rate is shallow but steady. I've ordered a Full body scan, but we need to get the bleeding to stop first. I was about to bandage him up to help control the bleeding. I would say he definitely has a broken a broken ankle. I'd be surprised if he didn't have more broken bones, though." April lifted up his pant leg so Derek and Meredith could see his bruised, swollen ankle."

"Okay, we need to get the Full body scan immediately. There's a good chance that he has a brain bleed, which will be fatal if we don't pinpoint the source and operate immediately," Derek said quickly, opening up the patient's eyes and took a flashlight to test the patient's pupil response. "No pupillary response," Derek reported as April and Meredith began wrapping a bandage around the patient's abdomen."

"If he has lost this much blood, and given the amount of trauma he's sustained, we can suspect he's sustained potentially fatal internal organ damage. If his organs fail, then any procedures on his brain will be for nothing," Meredith pointed out.

"If he has good organs, it won't matter if his brain doesn't function," Derek retorted.

"Is he an organ donor?" Meredith asked, looking at Kepner.

"I-I'm not sure," April responded. "I didn't see his driver's license. A nurse took away all his belongings when we had to cut off his clothes."

Derek scoffed. "Dr. Grey," he said in a raised voice, "I think it is imperative that we focus on _saving _the patient before we consider if he's an organ donor. We're a long way from that point. I _am_ going to save him." There was impeccable determination in his voice.

"Derek, you don't know for sure that he's your sister's boyfriend - ex-boyfriend - whatever he might be," Meredith heaved a whisper.

Derek looked carefully down at the patient's mangled face and nodded. "I do. It's him. I just know. I've looked through her pictures on Instagram."

Meredith studied the man's face, which was filled cuts, bruises, and abrasions. Beneath the scars, though, was a man with handsome light brown eyes and dark brown hair. He was a handsome man. Meredith closed her eyes and pictured the photos she had seen. The truth was, she thought his face was too beaten up to distinguish whether or not this man was the one from the pictures she'd seen. She knew Amelia's boyfriend's name had been James, but she didn't know his last name. Surely there was more than one James Peterson in the world, right? Both "James" and "Peterson" were very common names.

But Hunt had mentioned that his driver's license was issued out of California. Sure, there could be more than one James Peterson in the state of California, but how many of them were riding in a cab in Seattle, Washington today? Really, what were the odds? It seemed too unlikely to _just_ be a coincidence.

Derek did a quick neuro work-up before they prepared to take James up to the Full Body Scanner. His face was grim, and Meredith could tell that he was worried about James's condition. Meredith made sure that his wounds were carefully bandaged, to control the bleeding. She was more concerned about his internal organs, though. If he had more internal bleeding than just inside his brain, she and Derek would have their work cut out for them.

April's pager beeped and she grabbed it; her eyes widened instantly. "I gotta go. It's Jackson." She dashed away from Meredith and Derek. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Why are you rolling your eyes?" Derek asked.

"Oh, nothing," Meredith said, adding, "I just don't think now is an appropriate time to run off for a sex date. I mean, I'm just guessing that's why Jackson paged April. You saw how fast she dashed off."

"Someone's quick to jump to conclusions today," Derek said with a brief laugh.

Meredith looked at the patient, whose face was beyond unrecognizable due to the bruising and swelling, and turned to Derek. "I guess that makes two of us."

"You can't seriously compare your conclusion to my conclusion. If you want to get technical about what's appropriate and what's not," Derek protested. He moved closer to her and whispered softly in her ear, "And it wasn't too long ago that we were running off to on-call rooms in the middle of the day, and after all, we did just leave my office."

"We've never run off to have sex in the middle of a trauma!" Meredith hissed hoarsely. "Dr. Shepherd, this conversation is completely inappropriate. We have a patient's life at stake." She and Derek locked eyes; his eyes sparkled dreamily as their gazes stuck together like glue.

"You're the one who brought it up," Derek insisted, his eyes still glued to hers.

"Okay, you two! Enough with the eye sex!" Cristina forced herself in the middle of Derek and Meredith causing their gazes to be broken. She released a groan as she observed the patient. "Tell me this patient has a heart injury. All the kids just have broken bones and minor injuries. I need to get my hands into a heart." She studied the patient.

"We're taking him up for a Full-Body CT now, but his heart rate is steady. He's unconscious and unresponsive. I'd bet anything it's a brain bleed," Derek told Cristina.

Cristina scowled. "Damnit." She turned to Meredith. "Then what are _you _doing here? Are you going back to neuro? Missed having eye sex all day long with McDreamy?"

Meredith glanced at Derek, who was blushing. Meredith shook her head. "James, the patient, has suffered a massive amount of bleeding in his abdominal region," Meredith said, lifting the patient's gown up so Cristina could see the bandage. "I'm concerned about internal bleeding in other parts of the body, so that's why we're doing a Full-Body CT."

"Oh," Cristina said. Her eyes widened as she glared at McDreamy and then whispered in Meredith's ear, "You didn't tell him about the pictures, did you?"

Meredith froze. She looked at Derek through her peripheral vision and saw his focus had returned to the patient's.

"No," she mouthed.

Cristina laughed. "For all I know, you're just putting on an act and knew about them all along. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Mer. Owen and I…"

"Cristina!" Meredith interrupted harshly, noticing Derek was looking at them again.

"Right, well I've got to go. Gotta find a heart to fix!" Cristina waved as she disappeared.

Derek curiously gazed toward Meredith. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," Meredith retorted quickly, placing her hand on the patient's bed. "Let's get James up to radiology now. The faster we move, the faster we can get into an OR and the better chance he'll have at survival." Derek nodded in agreement, and they prepped the patient to be wheeled up to radiology.

"It's good that you and Cristina are talking again," Derek said as he and Meredith carefully wheeled the patient into the elevator. "Even if it is about me."

Meredith lifted an eyebrow and laughed. "What makes you think we were talking about you? Don't flatter yourself, Dr. Shepherd."

"Just a hunch," Derek winked. "So, would you ever come back to neuro?"

Meredith's face froze in Derek's direction. "Are you and Amelia conspiring to get me back into neuro? She's been trying to get me on one of her cases ever since she got here," Meredith laughed.

"I didn't know," Derek responded quickly. "I swear."

"I thought we came to a consensus that we _couldn't _work together and be together. The last neuro cases we've worked together haven't ended well, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith replied.

"I just thought maybe we'd grown past that," Derek said carefully. He exhaled as the elevator dinged and they prepared to wheel the bed onto the radiology floor. "And what's with you calling me _Dr. Shepherd _today, Dr. Grey? I do find it incredibly sexy, but it sounds like you're mad at me. Are you?"

"Nope, not mad," Meredith said as she took the side of the hospital bed and guided the patient toward the Fully-Body scanner. She froze in her steps when she saw Dr. Ross through the window with six children. She scowled as she forced the door open.

"You don't have any broken bones, Sara. You're perfectly healthy," Dr. Ross was telling a pale red-haired girl. He was showing the kids the iPad as a little boy jumped eagerly into the Full-Body scanner.

"Do me next!" a dark-haired boy chimed.

"Dr. Ross," Meredith said in a stern voice, and Shane directed his attention at Meredith.

"Kids, this is Dr. Grey," Shane announced to the kids.

"I'm Sara!" the red-haired girl announced. "And these are my friends Matt, Kaylee, Amber, and Damian." Damian was the little boy who'd just gotten into the scanner.

Meredith smiled weakly. "Hi, kids." She then shot an angry glare at Dr. Ross. "Can I have a word with you, Dr. Ross?" He nodded and she pulled Dr. Ross aside. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but in case you've been misinformed, the Fully Body Scanner is not a toy."

"I know," Shane insisted. "Chief Hunt told me that it was important that we have all the kids scanned to make sure none of them were bleeding internally. I just have one kid left to do."

"Why didn't you bring them all up separately? These kids all look healthy to me," Meredith said, looking at the kids who were laughing and bouncing around. "This is not a cheap machine."

"Chief Hunt said you can never be too careful with kids," Dr. Ross responded. He looked through the window and caught Derek's eye and saw the patient. "Is this the cab passenger?"

Meredith nodded. "We need to get him in immediately."

Dr. Ross nodded and turned toward the kids. "Hey, kids. We need to let Dr. Grey use the cool machine now. She has a sick patient."

Damian frowned, sticking out his lip. "But everyone else got their turn."

"You'll get yours later, okay, Damian? Dr. Grey has a _very _important scan on a patient to run," Dr. Ross explained, and Damian pouted as he stepped out of the machine. Meredith pointed toward the other side of the door, indicating for Shane to take the kids out of the side door so they wouldn't have to see James in his current state.

Once the kids were out of the room, Meredith motioned for Derek to prep the patient for the scan.

Meredith stayed with James while Derek went into the control room. She continued to study his face, trying to picture the images she'd seen on Facebook or Instagram of Amy's boyfriend. She'd never focused much attention on him. He had dark hair, she believed, and maybe dark hair too. She moved her fingers above the man's messy dark brown hair. A huge part of the world had brown hair, though.

Though she knew Derek was right. The similarities were too coincidental. She swallowed the knotted lump in her throat and went into the control room with Derek.

"What do we have?" she whispered, hovering behind Derek and placing her hand carefully on his shoulder. Derek didn't say anything. His eyes were focused intently on the image of James's internal body structure and organs as they generated on the screen. She looked over his shoulder, and her hand fell off Derek's shoulder as the image came into clear view.

"Shit," she spat, as her eyes focused directly on his stomach region. She could see the large tear in his large intestines. He was bleeding into his stomach. If she didn't operate soon, he would die.

"Damnit," Derek said, and she knew his eyes were focused in an entirely different region of James's organs. Meredith's eyeballs moved up, and immediately her eye caught the location of Derek's concern.

"He's bleeding into his frontal lobe," Meredith gasped. "And heavily."

"Book an OR!" Derek demanded. Meredith pulled out her phone and immediately texted the OR Station.

After she sent a message to the OR station, she double checked her texts. She had no new ones. She frowned, remembering she'd told Jo to text her when Lena woke up. She never had. Maybe she'd gotten preoccupied with the incoming trauma. They had their hands full with Robbins and Torres out. They'd picked the _perfect _day to call in sick. Of course, there was no perfect day at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. That's why she rarely called in sick; instead, she came to work sick. They all did. That's why she knew Torres and Robbins weren't really sick. They were playing hookie so they could spend time together. She loved her husband, but her job was just as equally as important. And quite frankly, without her job, she most likely wouldn't have her husband.

"We're going to have to work simultaneously," Meredith said as Derek rushed toward the patient. A radiology nurse entered and assisted Derek in moving James into his bed while Meredith sent a page to Wilson, Bailey, and Webber, requesting whoever was available. "We're gonna need help."

They were pushing the patient toward the elevator when they saw Shane Ross.

"Ross, you busy? You're scrubbing in!" Derek called, and Meredith's jaw dropped.

"But I told Damian he could come back up once you were finished…"

"It's an emergency. You can play show-and-tell later. We need all the help we can get. Patient has large amounts of blood in his frontal lobe and large intestines," Derek said as he pushed the elevator button.

"I paged Wilson, Bailey, and Webber!" Meredith insisted, gazing at Derek to avoid eye-contact with Shane. She had little, if no, respect for Shane Ross. Bottom line: she didn't trust him. She knew she should still be willing to teach him, but it was difficult. After the stunt he played last winter, she didn't why he was still here. It was because Cristina had pushed the board to give him another chance. She'd tried to compare what Shane did to what Izzie had done with the L-Vad wires, which made no logical sense to Meredith. Denny had agreed to go along with Izzie's plan from the beginning. While they'd both had good intentions, to save a life, Shane's primary intent appeared to be purely out of arrogance. He wanted to prove he was the best, which she understood completely, but he'd crossed a line too defiant to take back. He was just a second year resident. He had to know there was a point he had to ask for help. Cristina had also compared it to her and Burke. She had performed a number of Burke's surgeries when he'd had a tremor. She said that it could have easily happened to her. Again, Meredith thought it wasn't the same. At least Cristina had been supervised by her superior. Bottom line: she didn't trust Shane, and she wasn't sure she trusted him near Amelia's potential boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend).

"Okay, that's great. We need all the hands we can get," Derek said, patting Ross's back. "You in?"

Meredith's phone beeped. "We've got OR 1," she announced as the elevator opened and she and Derek wheeled James into it.

"I'll meet you down there," Ross said and the elevator door closed, making his face no longer visible.

Meredith bit her lip and looked up at the elevator ceiling. She sighed obnoxiously.

"Really, Derek. Why Ross?" she rolled her eyes.

"At least I'm Derek again," Derek snickered; Meredith declined to make eye contact with him as she exhaled slowly.

"I don't like how you think this is funny," Meredith spat at her husband as the elevator dinged and slowly opened. She and Derek began rolling the patient to the OR.

"What's wrong with Ross? He's said some hurtful words to you, and he's a bit arrogant at times, but so am I, and you still love me. Everyone makes mistakes, you know that. You're one of the most forgiving people I know. Far more forgiving than I am," Derek said calmly as they stopped in front of the OR door. He gently placed his arm around her.

"I can't believe you just compared yourself to Shane Ross," Meredith said, a slight smile escaped her lips as she turned toward her husband, whose eyes twinkled as the light above them hit against his deep blue irises. "And you're right. Maybe I am being a little harsh with Ross."

"I'm always right," Derek laughed.

"Shut up," she nudged him and giggled lightly.

A nurse met them at the door and took James into the operating room to prep him for the surgery. Meredith and Derek went to scrub.

"So what's with you and Wilson?" Derek asked as they both scrubbed their hands with soap under the warm water.

"Huh?"

"You paged her. Why her? I thought Edwards was your favorite resident?"

"I do not have favorites," Meredith laughed. "And even if I did, just because Edwards knows my services the best, doesn't mean she would be my favorite. Wilson's a good surgeon. I think she's more interested in peds than general, and that's okay. It's good that she knows what she wants."

"Or she's just more interested in Alex than you," Derek pointed out with a light chuckle.

"Derek!" she gasped. Meredith turned off the water and shook her hands dry.

"Nothing wrong with a little girl-on-girl. You and Wilson would be hot. I'm sure Karev wouldn't mind watching with me," Derek smiled teasingly.

"Have you been watching Mark Sloan's old home videos?" Meredith's eyes widened, baffled by her husband's dirty comment. "Because that certainly sounds like something Mark would have said."

Derek sighed and shook his head. "No, but I just spent a few days with Callie Torres, and she was telling me about how Mark used to tease her about letting him watch her and Arizona. So much like Mark." Derek exhaled grimly. Meredith couldn't help but wonder if Callie had suggested he take the nude pictures too, or if it had been his idea. "I still can't believe he's gone. Mark was my best friend," Derek said. "He _was _my brother. I depended on him a lot, especially when I was growing up in a house full of women. I lost a sibling in that plane crash, too, Meredith."

Meredith fought the sad feeling that weighed heavily on her heart as her husband spoke about his late best friend. Instead, her face lit up. "Well, one thing's for certain, you're never going to see me with a girl. You're the only person in this world that I want to see me naked for the rest of my life. Sorry to burst _that_ fantasy, but a Wilson and I sexcapade isn't happening."

The door had swung open just before Meredith had finished her last sentence.


	23. Chapter 23

**A\N: So my computer is messed up again, and I almost deleted 2/3 of this chapter trying to post from my iPad. Thank God I was able to recover it! Oh, my Gosh, have you guys seen the 10.21 promo pics? I felt like I was looking at a dream sequence!**

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><p>Meredith Grey bit her lip hard as she turned around and locked eyes with the person who'd just entered the scrub room, not only because it was Shane Ross but because of the conversation he'd just overheard. She inhaled deeply, and Derek laughed. She immediately elbowed her husband; Meredith did not find this the least bit amusing. Her face blistered a vibrant red color.<p>

"You got here fast," Meredith observed, and before Shane could reply, she said, "Hurry and scrub. We've got to get in there." She motioned for Derek to follow her into the operating room.

She and Derek quickly approached the patient. They didn't have time to waste waiting for residents to join them. Fortunately, the operating room team was already prepared. The back of the patient's head had already been shaved and was ready for Derek to cut into.

"10-blade," she heard Derek instruct a nurse to hand him, and Meredith requested a scalpel as well. She studied her husband with her peripheral vision as he put on his magnified glasses. He was wearing his ferryboat scrub cap. He made his first cut without hesitation, as if he knew exactly what he was doing. She didn't know if he actually did-truth be told, no surgeon knew _exactly _what he or she was doing when stepping foot into an emergency surgery because every individual was unique.

Her eyes studied the patient's abdomen region as she prepared to make her first cut. Being a surgeon never did get any less stress inducing. Making the first cut was just as stressful now as it had been intern year. It was hard to believe that just two years ago she had been the resident, relying on someone else telling her where to cut and what to do. Now she was on her own. Now she had to make her own decisions, and hope that her decisions were in the best interest of the patient's. A surgeon's anxiety never decreased; luckily, her confidence level had increased tremendously, which resulted in her ability to make split-second decisions. If a surgeon lacked confidence in making split-second decisions, then she was toast.

She had already finished making her first cut when Shane Ross decided to join them in the operating room. She didn't even look up as he entered as she was already searching for the source of the bleed.

"Where do you want me?" Shane asked, and before either Meredith or Derek could respond, the door swung open. Meredith's eyes immediately shot toward Shane, whose face froze. Meredith curled her lip under her teeth.

"I'm sorry I'm late; I was assisting Karev with a little girl," Dr. Jo Wilson announced, and Meredith turned to Wilson.

"Good to hear you're talking to him. Scrub in, Wilson, and I'll let you hold the clamp," Meredith told Jo.

She noticed Jo's eyes widen. "I'll be right in."

As Jo disappeared into the scrub room, Meredith shot a look toward Shane again. "Say _one word _to her, and I'll make sure you don't see the inside of an OR for a month." _Where the hell are Bailey and Webber? _Meredith thought, though she imagined they were both caught up in other surgeries. Thus, she and Derek were going to have to do the best they could with the residents they had.

Shane exhaled slowly. "Dr. Grey, calm down. What would I say to her? And you don't have the authority to ban me from the OR, I believe."

"She doesn't," Derek insisted.

"Oh, one more word out of _your _mouth, Dr. Shepherd, and I'll make sure you sleep on the floor for the next month. Don't underestimate my authority," Meredith shot, retaining her focus on James's internal organs.

"Right," Derek said hesitantly. "I mean, don't underestimate her authority."

"Okay, then." Shane swallowed, and Meredith heard him murmur, "You can definitely tell who wears the pants in your relationship."

"I heard that," Meredith announced. "And, yes, I proudly wear the pants."

"She does," Derek noted. "Since day one."

"Right, since Wilson is holding the clamp for Dr. Grey, I'm assuming I'm on your service, Dr. Shepherd?" Shane carefully asked.

Derek's directed his eyes toward his wife. "Aren't we supposed to be encouraging second-year residents to have a well-rounded education?"

"Ross has been on cardio forever. Neuro would be a good change for him," Meredith noted, retaining her focus to the operation she was performing.

"Before I was in cardio, I was always on neuro," Ross protested. "And Wilson is always on peds or general."

"He has a point. I can't even recall the last time Wilson was in my OR," Derek insisted.

"I can't recall the last time we were in the OR together," Meredith retorted, and then scowled, "Get over here, Ross."

"Do I get to hold the clamp?" Ross asked hopefully.

Meredith's face froze as she looked up for a moment, not sure why she was even surprised that Ross had been so daring to ask the question. "Fine," she rolled her eyes, proceeding to try to find the source of the bleeder. "But first you're going to give me some suction."

"Right on it, Dr. Grey," he said as he reached for the suction pump.

When Jo re-entered the operating room, fully scrubbed, Meredith looked up and saw the blank look of confusion on Wilson's face.

"Change of plans, Wilson. You're on my end of the table," Derek said, and Jo walked over beside Derek. Derek began giving Jo instructions as he proceeded to operate on James's brain. Meredith tried to tune him out so she could focus on what she was doing to stop James's bleeding. "So, Jo," Derek said after describing a number of steps he had taken to reach the bleeder in James's brain. "Meredith tells me you're interested in peds."

"Uh, yeah," Jo responded. "I'm thinking about specializing in it."

"No interest in neuro, then?"

"I just like working with kids, I guess," Jo responded slowly. "Sometimes it's hard, though, because they're only kids and they shouldn't have to spend their childhood in a hospital bed, but it means a lot knowing I have the ability to help them live a full life."

"The kids are always the hardest," Derek agreed. "But know you know what does help? Having kids of your own. There's no better feeling in the world than coming home to two healthy smiles after working with sick kids. Right, Meredith?"

Meredith sighed. "Except you always have to _worry _about them getting sick. That part's not fun."

"True. So, Wilson, do you want kids? Having kids of your own is pretty great, even if you're always worrying. They bring a special light to your world," Derek said.

"Derek!" Meredith scolded, glancing up and saw Derek's eyes were on her. She bit her lip, thinking this wasn't the appropriate time for Derek to be asking Jo these questions, especially given the fact that Alex had just found out about Blake. She knew that Derek wasn't entirely in the loop of Izzie and Alex's drama, but he had overheard them fighting yesterday.

"Right," Derek said slowly. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine," Jo said. "And yeah, I do want kids. I just didn't plan on...well, I don't know if you heard about Alex's situation."

"Is that his stomach?" Shane asked blindly.

Meredith sighed, actually relieved that Shane had changed the subject. "Yes, Shane, it is. And I need you to hold the clamp now."

"Right on it," Shane said, taking the clamp from Meredith's fingers.

The bleeding had stopped, and Meredith released a sigh. "All right, now we just need to sew him up. We have the bleeding under control."

As Meredith was in the process of closing him up, Derek's phone started to ring.

"It's the other Dr. Shepherd," a scrub nurse announced.

"Put the phone up to my ear," Derek said, swallowing. The scrub nurse did as she was told, and Derek's face froze as he listened to Amelia on the other line. "And you're sure you can't finish on your own? Uh-huh. Okay. I'll be right there." The scrub nurse took the phone away and Derek let out a sigh. "Amelia needs my help with a little boy. I have the bleeding under control. Do you think you can close up for me, Wilson?"

"Yeah, sure," Jo replied.

"This is going to be awkward," Derek declared quietly in Meredith's ear.

"Don't tell her," Meredith insisted.

"Oh trust me, I didn't plan on it," Derek told her. "But she's going to hate me for not telling her sooner."

"It's best this way," Meredith said, "until we have full confirmation it's him, and we know his condition. We won't know his condition for a couple hours."

"I know," replied Derek. "We've got him this far. Don't let these residents kill him. I'm counting on you, Meredith."

"Don't put that kind of pressure on me," she rolled her eyes, a chill ran down her spine as she remembered the last time Derek had left her in an OR alone with a resident, although she had only been a resident at the time herself. The resident happened to be her sister Lexie, and she had been stupid enough to allow Lexie to remove a tumor that the patient hadn't consented to have removed, resulting in damage to Broca's area. The patient woke up unable to speak. That's when they'd both realized she couldn't come back to neuro. Meredith had kept her distance from Derek's cases ever since for that very reason. She knew he would blame her if something went wrong, and she didn't want that weight on her shoulders. Plus, it wasn't healthy for their relationship. They were able to work together during her early years as a resident, because she just did whatever he told her to do. Now she had a mind of her own and could contradict him. It created issues, so it was easier for them not to work together.

But here they were, working on the same patient. The same patient that just might be Amelia's ex-boyfriend. There was a lot of responsibility on each of their shoulders right now.

Derek exited the OR, and she was left with the OR staff, Wilson, and Ross. Wilson and Ross both had confused looks on their faces, but Meredith didn't feel the need to explain that this was potentially Amelia's ex-boyfriend who could also be the father of her baby. The fewer people who knew, the better. She finished closing the patient, then looked up at Jo, expecting her to be finished closing the patient. Instead, she found a perplexed expression on Jo's face.

"What's wrong, Wilson?" Meredith asked, inching closer to Jo.

"I don't know!" Jo replied. "I thought we had the bleeding under control, but there's blood again and I don't know where it's coming-"

James's heart monitor started to beat erratically.

"Crap!"

"Should I page one of the Shepherds?" Ross asked anxiously.

"We don't have time!" Meredith cried, and she jetted toward Jo and immediately saw the blood oozing out of James's brain. "Shit, Wilson, I need suction."

"Wait, you're going to operate on his brain?" Jo questioned.

"We have no choice. I spent most of my residency in neuro. I know what to do. Now, damnit, Wilson. Give me suction!" Meredith demanded and Jo did as she was told. Meredith had no idea where the bleed was coming from, so she had to carefully, yet quickly, seek out the source. "There!" she spotted it. "Clamp." Jo handed her a clamp, and Meredith carefully placed the clamp in its place. The monitor returned to a normal rhythm and Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. It had been so long since she'd had her hands inside a brain. "Okay, we're good here," Meredith said. "I'll close up." She closed James's skull and closed him on her own.

"Okay, now what?" Shane asked.

"Now what?" Meredith scowled. "Now, you scrub out, and Wilson, you're going to take the patient to recovery, and we're going to pray to whoever you pray to that he has some indication of brain activity."

"Gotcha," Wilson and Ross both replied, as the three went into the scrub room to scrub out.

Jo left first to take the patient to recovery, leaving Meredith and Shane alone.

"Look, Dr. Grey," Shane began slowly. "I know you don't like me, and I deserve not to be liked, I guess. I said some pretty awful things to you last fall, and I've made my share of mistakes as well. I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have gotten involved with your and Yang's fight."

"Damn right," Meredith muttered. "Thank you for your apology, Dr. Ross, and you're right, I was a little harsh on you in there. But can you promise me something?"

"Anything," Ross insisted.

"No word of what you heard Dr. Shepherd and I discussing when you entered the scrub room earlier today gets back to anyone. Okay?"

"What were you talking about, again?" Ross lifted an eyebrow.

"Exactly," Meredith smiled weakly.

"Scout's honor." Ross lifted three fingers after he'd finished scrubbing his hands.

* * *

><p>Derek was leaving OR 2 as Meredith was leaving OR 1.<p>

"How is he?" Derek immediately asked, his eyes show concern as he gazed at Meredith.

"He made it through surgery, now we just have to wait," Meredith answered, choosing not to tell Derek that she had to stop a second bleeder for now. She knew she should tell him, but if James woke up and everything was alright, it wasn't relevant-for now, anyway. She could tell him later.

"And we wait," Derek sighed, and Meredith realized that Derek had an iPad in his hand. _Her iPad. _He looked frustrated, and he grunted as his fingers pressed against the screen. She smiled a little to herself, realizing there was no way that Derek had been able to unlock her password-protected iPad. He didn't know the password, for one. She bit her lip lightly.

"Something wrong?" she inquired, playing dumb.

He shook his head. "I can't remember putting a password on my iPad, but I must have because it says I need a code to unlock my screen. I've tried my birthday, your birthday, Zola's birthday, Bailey's birthday…"

"Did you try 0630?" Meredith asked, and Derek lifted an eyebrow.

"What's 0630?" he asked, as he pressed the numbers on the screen and, sure enough, the screen unlocked.

She moved closer to him and whispered in his ear, "June 30th, the day we met, and that's my iPad, Derek." She snatched the iPad out of his hands and replaced it with his. Derek's face turned white. His eyes widened and a glimmer of guilt hinted in his face, as if he sensed she'd seen the pictures. Meredith swiped Derek's iPad's screen from upside down and clicked on his photos. Immediately, she noticed Derek's face freeze and his cheeks flush red.

Derek swallowed. "You're mad. That's why you were acting like you were earlier."

"Hm? Mad, that's not the word I'd use," Meredith admitted, taking a deep breath. She rolled her eyes. "I guess I'd rather you jack off to pictures of me than some hot naked model."

His jaw dropped. "I-I don't do that."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Well, in that case, then I am mad. Derek, don't lie to me. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone does it, even girls."

"You…" Derek's eyes widened.

"We've had sex like five times since you've gotten this new job. How else am I supposed to release tension? Of course I do. I don't need pictures, though, I can just picture you in my head. But guys are more visual than women, so it's understandable," Meredith said.

"So you're not mad," Derek said. "Just to clarify."

"I'm mad that you don't have a password on your iPad," Meredith growled, then sighed, "but I'm not mad about the pictures themselves. I was at first, because I opened your pictures to show Cristina the picture of Zola I'd taken this morning, so yeah, I was a little infuriated."

"Sorry about that," Derek said. "I'll put a password on my iPad, okay?" He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Good," Meredith said. "Those pictures are for your eyes only."

"I didn't plan on sharing them with anyone," Derek told his wife. "And you're hotter than any model."

"Okay, now you're just kissing ass." Meredith teasingly pinched his firm butt cheek.

Derek's mouth formed a circle as he screeched, "Ow!" And they shared a laugh.

"Let's see how James is doing. I told Jo to take him to recovery," Meredith insisted.

When they arrived at James's room, Jo was standing outside the room looking at her iPad.

"There you are! I've paged you both. Where have you _been_? I've checked James's vitals. They're strong, but he's not responding to the pupillary response test. Shouldn't he be responding by now? Can you…"

"Crap!" Derek mumbled, and he and Meredith both rushed into the room. Derek took his light and lifted James's eyelids to check his pupil response. There was nothing. "Damnit."

"Derek," Meredith whispered, knowing she had to tell him the truth. "There's something you should know." Derek flashed his eyes toward his wife, and she started to tell him about the bleed she had fixed after he'd left the room.

He frowned. "Okay, walk me through everything you did."

She explained every detail, starting from when Jo had discovered the excess bleeding, to where she'd found the source and stopped it. "I know I should have paged you, but we didn't have time, and…" She winced, ready for him to start yelling at her.

"Meredith, you did everything you were supposed to do," Derek responded calmly, gently setting his hand on her shoulder. "You did everything I would have done. The damage to James's brain was significant. I knew that going into the operation. I just hoped that we would have a better outcome." Derek facial expression was dismal, and she reached gently for his shoulder.

"We should have gotten him into the OR faster," Meredith whispered. "If we hadn't wasted so much time…"

"It wouldn't have made a difference," Derek said. He solemnly looked at James. A tear welled in his eye as Derek and Meredith walked out of the patient's room.

"There's still a chance he could wake up though, right?" Meredith asked optimistically. "We've seen it happen before."

"I'll run a CT and MRI to get a better picture. If we don't see activity within twelve hours, as you know, then we have to declare him brain dead," Derek told her as he released a dismal sigh and looked in Jo's direction; the second-year resident's face was frozen completely. "I just don't know how we're going to tell Amelia."

"Tell Amelia what?" Meredith whirled around to find Amelia standing behind her. At the same time, an older couple entered the hallway from the other side of the entry way.

"Amelia?" the older woman gasped when she saw the dark-haired woman. "They called us and told us Jamie boy was in an accident, so 'course we caught the first flight here. He didn't even tell us he was comin' to Seattle! How's he doin'?" The woman's southern dialect rattled in her voice as she spoke.. Amelia's jaw dropped as she shot a confused look in the direction of her brother and sister-in-law, locking eyes with each separately.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I'm updating before Friday! I really want to post as much as I can before Amelia's first episode airs on April 24****th**** – 9 days! 10x22 promo pictures were released today and of course I'm completely freaking out. I'm so excited to see Meredith and Amelia interact. This chapter has a pretty intense Mer/Amelia scene, which is why I just had to post it now.**

* * *

><p>Meredith and Derek exchanged nerve-racking expressions as the concern in Amelia's face grew. Her eyes beat steadily at her brother.<p>

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Peterson clasped her hand over her mouth as her eyes focused on Amelia's swollen belly under her navy blue scrubs. "James didn't tell us that you were gonna have a baby!"

"Jane!" scolded the man next to her, presumably her husband. "You always tell _me _never to assume a girl is pregnant unless she tells you she is pregnant!" Mr. Peterson's accent wasn't as strong as his wife's.

"Well, that's 'cause you asked that poor student of yours if she was pregnant, and she'd just gained a few pounds. Can't imagine how embarrassin' that was for her. Now, a girl always knows when another girl is pregnant," Jane Peterson proclaimed, embracing her arms around Amelia and giving her a tight hug. "Look at you, Amelia, you're glowin'! When are ya due?"

"Um, uh, August 20th," Amelia responded.

"And y' didn't tell us at Christmas?" Mrs. Peterson placed her hands on her hips then crossed her arms, looking disappointed.

"Um," Amelia stumbled, her face flushed red. She was certainly in a bit of an awkward position as she exhaled slowly. "It was still early, and James and I, well, um, were looking for the right time to tell you and…this is definitely not how I wanted you to find out, Mr. and Mrs. Peterson."

"Oh, please, how many times do I have to tell ya to call us _Mama _and _Dad_dy, right, John?" she nudged her husband, who nodded in agree. Amelia looked hesitantly at her brother. Mrs. Peterson continued to ramble, "I've always wanted a daughter, you know. Love my Jamie to pieces, but a little girl would have been nice to have 'round to keep me sane. We wanted to wait 'til Jamie was in school to try again, but by then my baby maker had quit workin'."

Meredith widened her eyes and could feel her husband's eyes beating on her as she moved her eyeballs to the right; Derek was staring right at her. She swallowed the lump in her dry throat, and she bit her lip.

"Jane!" John Peterson elbowed his wife. "Enough, leave the poor girl alone. There's plenty of time for chit-chat later. Right now, I just want to know if my son is all right. The nice doctors have been so nice to listen to your rambling. Now, I just want to know if my only child is going to be okay. It must be pretty serious, if they called us." John's eyes turned toward Meredith and Derek. "I'm so sorry. My wife, she rambles when she's nervous. You can imagine what the plane ride was like." He winked nervously.

"It's really all right," Meredith assured, taking a deep breath, not prepared to give the Petersons the wretched news that was coming their way. She looked at Amelia, who didn't even know of James's accident. Sweat dripped from Amelia Shepherd's forehead. Meredith could tell that she was upset. Though, part of Meredith didn't feel sympathy for Amelia. If she'd just told James the truth from the beginning, they wouldn't be in this situation. James wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed, potentially permanently brain dead because he'd flown to Seattle to try to get his girlfriend back. His girlfriend who had accepted a job in Seattle without even discussing it with him, and had dumped him over the phone. Meredith felt for the poor guy. Meredith extended her arm and shook both Mr. and Mrs. Peterson's hands, "I'm Dr. Grey," she introduced herself.

"And you're Dr. Shepherd," Mrs. Peterson pointed to the dark blue print on Derek's white lab coat. "You must be Amelia's brother. Well, of course you are. The family resemblance is inevitable!" She smiled kindly as she looked back and forth between Derek and Amelia. "The Shepherds do have great genes." She placed her hand on Amelia's belly. "And so does my Jamie, so you're guaranteed to have one beautiful baby." Amelia flinched, backing away from Mrs. Peterson.

"Uh, Mrs...uh, _Mama_," Amelia swallowed, "I don't mean to seem rude, but I uh, really need to have a word with my brother." She grabbed Derek by the shoulder and hissed in his ear, "You have _explaining _to do." And Derek nodded solemnly, and he carefully pulled her into James's room and closed the blinds before Mrs. and Mr. Peterson could realize that was their son's room.

Meredith looked toward the parents and motioned for them to walk with her away from the room, so she could prepare them to see James in his current condition.

"Just tell us, Dr. Grey," Mr. Peterson insisted, "How is our son and when can we see him?"

"You know, Amelia looked awfully confused when she saw us, like she wasn't expecting to see us," Mrs. Peterson observed.

"That would be because she wasn't," Meredith responded tartly. She exhaled and explained, "Amelia was unaware of James's accident. He was involved in a bus/cab accident, so a number of kids were injured in the same accident. Amelia was pulled into a surgery, so that's why she didn't know James was involved."

"Sorry, but I don't follow," Mrs. Peterson continued, confusion overrode her face, "but why was Amelia at the hospital, and my Jamie wasn't? He's a wonderful doctor too. Shouldn't he have been here?"

"Uh," Meredith stumbled to find the right words without telling the Petersons that Amelia had actually left their son in Los Angeles, and he had come to Seattle on his own. "Well," Meredith exhaled, "Amelia was helping my husband out, since he's been so overwhelmed between his research and his new job, working for the President of the United States, I'm not sure if you've heard."

"Oh, yeah, Jamie said something about that. So, _you're _Derek's second wife?" Mrs. Peterson asked.

"I'm his wife," Meredith corrected Mrs. Peterson; she didn't particularly appreciate being referred to as Derek's _second wife_, even if it was technically correct.

"Right, oh I've heard _lots _about you. You and Derek have a black baby, right?" Mrs. Peterson continued to question Meredith, though it felt much more like an interrogation.

"We have a daughter and a son," Meredith said, clenching her fists together tightly; she found it annoying when people would refer to Zola as her "black" child. Zola and Bailey were her children. It didn't matter that Zola was adopted. It didn't matter if she was black, white, or purple. She was her daughter, and that's all that was important. Meredith loved both of her children equally, and she wanted them to be treated equally as well. At no point in her life should Zola have to feel "different" just because her skin happened to be darker than her parents' and her brother's. Meredith was adamant about making sure her daughter felt like she belonged in their family, because she was a very important part of their family. Zola was her first baby, the first baby she'd ever loved with her whole heart, and that meant the world to Meredith.

"Janie…" Mr. Peterson said warningly. "Enough with the personal questions." His eyes twinkled worriedly as he and Meredith made eye contact. "I really just want to know the status of our son's condition. Janie's just as worried, that's why she's using delaying tactics. Just ignore her." The sincerity beamed in his eyes; Meredith was already starting to like Mr. Peterson.

"Right," Meredith swallowed as she prepared to explain their son's condition to him. She started with telling them about the internal bleeding that he had sustained in his abdomen region. She told them that she had managed to resect the bleeding, and that his internal organs were looking good. She saw the relief sweep over their faces.

"So, is he awake?" Mr. Peterson asked. "Of course, if he was awake, you would have already taken us to his room, right?"

Meredith's face froze grimly as she dismally shook her head. "I'm incredibly sorry," she started solemnly. This part never did easier. During her years as a doctor, she had given her share of bad news and good news. Obviously, she'd liked some of the families more than others; regardless, telling someone that their loved one would more than likely never wake up, never did get easier. While it was never easy to tell someone their loved one would never wake up, Meredith always found it more difficult to tell a parent their child would never wake. It was even harder now that she was a mother. She couldn't imagine being told that one of _her _children would never open their eyes again. After all, no parent should have to outlive their child. The pain was too unbearable for Meredith to imagine. And _this _was another reason why Meredith didn't miss neuro. All surgeries had their share of complication. Any number of complications could occur, but brain surgery was no game. There were so many tiny nerve connections in the brain, and the room for complications was so much wider. During all her years in neuro, Meredith had broken bad news to families at least ten times more than her few years in general.

"I-I'm sorry, but I don't follow. Ya said you were able to stop the bleedin'?" Mrs. Peterson stammered. Her eyes shined as she appeared to be fighting tears. She gripped her husband's hand tightly.

"I was," Meredith said and exhaled hesitantly, "However, your son's injuries were far more extensive than just his abdomen region." She went onto explain how James had sustained a severe blow to the head during the accident, and how Derek had operated. She explained they'd been able to retract the bleeding, but the damage to James's brain was just too much. Mrs. Peterson's eyes welled with tears as she fell into her husband's chest.

"He'll never wake up?" Mr. Peterson asked hoarsely.

"We intend to run more tests, but if James does not demonstrate any signs of brain activity in the next eleven and a half hours, we will have to declare him brain dead," Meredith said.

"So, if he shows signs of brain activity in the next eleven and a half hours, then there's a chance he'll wake up and be fine?" Mr. Peterson asked, gently comforting his wife by rubbing his hand gently on her back.

"Ideally, yes," Meredith responded, and she saw the light of hope shine in Mr. and Mrs. Peterson's eyes.

"See, sweetheart. Our son is a fighter. Always has been. There's still a chance. You heard her," Mr. Peterson softly told his wife. Meredith bit her lip. She wasn't prepared to explain that the odds of their son actually waking up, though she didn't feel comfortable doing so anyway, especially since Derek had yet to run more tests. Though,she did know, that since James's pupils had no reacted and there had been no further signs of brain activity, the chances were their initial diagnosis was correct. Nonetheless, she had seen miracles before. There have been a number of cases where people have been declared brain dead then later woke up. She'd recently read about a teenager in Utah who had woken up after her family had sung hymns to her. Meredith was by no means spiritual, and her first reaction had been that it was a pure coincidence, but that wasn't the point. The point was anything was possible, or so she liked to believe. Being a mother herself, she could completely relate to Mr. and Mrs. Peterson's desire to hold onto hope.

"Where is he?" Mrs. Peterson whispered softly. "I want to see him. I want to see my son."

Meredith nodded then started to prepare the Petersons for their son's condition as she began walking back toward James's room. "I just want you to be prepared when you see him," she said. "He's currently hooked up to a ventilator, which is breathing for him. He also has a feeding tube, which brings him the nutrients he needs to stay alive…"

"We know the drill," Mr. Peterson interrupted. "Our son is a doctor. He did his residency at a hospital nearby our hometown, so we used to go visit him often."

"I watch the TV show _Scrubs_," Mrs. Peterson added. "We know what to expect."

"Okay," Meredith said. "I'm just saying, sometimes it's more difficult when it's a loved one connected to those tubes."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Meredith planted her feet in a stationary position, her body froze, as Amelia's screams roared through the hallway. "YOU WERE IN SURGERY _WITH ME_, AND YOU SAID NOTHING. WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME, DEREK? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BROTHER!"

"Amy," Derek's calm voice soothed. "That's why I _didn't _tell you. I'm your brother. I'm supposed to protect you, and you really expected me to tell you this while you were operating on a child? I would never do that, and you know that. Amy…"

"SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!" Amelia stormed out of James's room, Derek stood dumbfounded behind her. He frowned as he locked eyes with his wife. Amelia stopped in her steps when she saw James's parents. "Oh, God," she whispered. "I'm so sorry you had to hear that."

Mrs. Peterson was sobbing as she reached her arms out and embraced them around Amelia. "We heard. Dr. Grey told us everything. I'm so sorry, sweetie," she said softly and stroked Amelia's messy, dark brown hair.

"No, I'm sorry," Amelia said, pulling away from James's mother. "He shouldn't have been here. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be lying in that hospital bed. He would be fine. This is all my fault."

"Baby girl, you didn't make him get in that cab. You weren't driving the cab or the bus. There's nothing you coulda done, honey," Mrs. Peterson said, soothingly. "Daddy and I would never blame you."

"Oh, you have no idea," Amelia mumbled.

Amelia looked back at Meredith and Derek. Meredith shook her head as she glanced at Derek. Derek placed his hand on Meredith's shoulder. His hot breath touched her eardrum as he whispered softly, "I'm going to run the tests we talked about, you got this?"

"Mmm," Meredith nodded hesitantly as she studied James's parents and Amelia. She wasn't too fond of the idea of keeping an eye on Amelia and the Petersons.

"You'll do fine," Derek insisted, "I just want some definites sooner rather than later. We're on a tight time bomb."

"I understand," Meredith assured. Derek left, and she turned to the Petersons. She then looked at the room, but didn't say anything. Mrs. Peterson's eyes widened as she looked at the name on the door. She cried harder and gripped her husband's hand tightly. Mr. Peterson's eyes were bloodshot, but tears did not escape his eyelids as he held his tears in, most likely attempting to remain strong for his wife's sake.

As the Petersons entered their son's room, Meredith heard Mrs. Peterson release a loud gasp. Meredith looked at Amelia. "Look, Amelia, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner," Meredith said, "but we had good reasoning, you have to understand. We were in crisis mode."

Amelia nodded and swallowed. "I understand," she said. She wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek. "I just wish this hadn't happened," she said, then lowered her voice, "He shouldn't have come. I told him not to."

"I know," Meredith inhaled, "but what did you expect him to do? I mean, seriously?"

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I don't need a lecture from you too."

She crossed her arms and Meredith realized Derek, presumably, had opened the blinds. They could see Mrs. Peterson wrap her arms around her son, who lay in the hospital bed motionless connected to countless tubes. Tears bled from her face. Mr. Peterson reached out and placed his hand on his son's had. Meredith turned to Amelia, whose face was covered with tears. Meredith's heart did ache. She could tell Amelia was blaming herself, and Meredith wasn't cruel enough to say that she _should _blame herself. As Mrs. Peterson had said, she hadn't been driving the bus or the cab. Though as Amelia had said, if it hadn't been for her, James never would have been in Seattle. Perhaps it didn't matter. Maybe this was just how it was supposed to be.

Mrs. Peterson let go of her son and came out of the room. Her eyes were planted on Amelia.

"He really loves you, Amelia," Mrs. Peterson whispered. "And he would've loved your baby, too." She placed her hand on Amelia's shoulder. "I want you to know," she swallowed, "that if you need _anything_, anything at all, you can count on John and I. This baby is gonna be our only grandchild, and we want to be there for him or her...I didn't ask ya if you knew the baby's gender yet."

Amelia swallowed, tears flowed down her cheeks. "It's a boy," she said in between sobs. Mrs. Peterson cried harder as she took Amelia into her arms; Amelia's eyes gazed at Meredith, and Meredith could sense the shimmer of guilt in Amelia's eyes.

"He's gonna be gorgeous," Mrs. Peterson said softly, "just like his mama and papa."

Amelia nodded and kept sneaking glances at Meredith, who crossed her arms. There was guilt all over Amelia's face, and Meredith sensed what Derek and she had talked about before. Meredith was willing to bet anything that James wasn't the father of the baby. Amelia's eyes wandered, as if she were looking for someone to come rescue her.

"Mrs. Peterson, you and your husband really should spend some time with James. I understand if you'd like some time alone with him," Meredith insisted, and Amelia broke loose of Mrs. Peterson's grip.

"That would be nice," Mrs. Peterson said and looked at Amelia, "I understand if it's too difficult for you to see him like this. He would understand if you didn't want to come in the room. I know you're a neurosurgeon, but it is different when it's someone you love."

Amelia nodded, swallowing as Mrs. Peterson turned around and went back into the room. Meredith closed the door behind her and instantly turned toward Amelia, giving her sister-in-law a stern gaze.

"James is not the father, is he?" Meredith asked in a hushed voice, so only Amelia could hear her.

Amelia gasped. "What kind of accusation is that?" she spat softly. "You don't see me questioning Bailey's parenthood! You don't get to call me a whore. I'm not the dirty mistress."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "You've got some nerve, don't you? First off, I didn't skip town when I found out I was pregnant, so you don't get to make that comparison. Second, Derek is the only man I've ever loved, so how and when we fell in love isn't relevant. Third, this isn't about me. This is about you."

Amelia scoffed as she began to walk away from James's room. Meredith followed after her.

"Why do you even care?" Amelia scowled back. "It's none of your business. My life is none of your business." Amelia walked faster, and Meredith lengthened her stride to keep up with her.

"See, I'm normally pretty good at letting people mind their own business, and I totally get that. You're right, your life is none of my business. It wasn't any of my business until you chose to show up at my door with no prior announcement, requesting that _my husband _and I adopt your child. It's not something a normal person would do, you see, so you have to imagine that I'm just a little curious. Can you blame me? I'm not a nosy person, Amelia, but I have a right to understand the situation!" Meredith shrieked, and Amelia stopped dead in her steps and turned around. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face stained with dry and wet tears. She raised her chin, she closed her eyes for a moment and then she locked eye contact with her sister-in-law.

"I don't know," Amelia murmured. "I don't know who the father is, okay?" She swallowed. "But I'm pretty certain James isn't. Are you happy now? I'm a slut, okay. Probably a sluttier slut than you. Do you feel better about yourself?" Amelia rolled her eyes.

"Wait," Meredith said slowly. "Amelia, I'm just trying to help you, okay? Slow down. You don't know who the baby's father is, but you're pretty certain it's not James?"

"Are you deaf?" Amelia spat. "James was working so much overtime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I was lonely. I went out with some friends and got a little too drunk, okay? I made some stupid choices that I obviously now regret."

"How many guys are we talking?" Meredith asked; Amelia's face froze. "Look, if you think I'm judging you, I'm not. Believe me, I'm not. I've made my share of stupid choices too. I've never cheated on Derek, but after I found out about Addison, I slept with my share of men when he left me for her. Of course, that number doesn't compare to the number of guys I slept with in high school and college, not that it's any of your business. Bottom line: I would never judge you."

Amelia exhaled slowly. "Well, there are only two guys who fall into the timeline of the conception," she confessed. "Meredith, _please _don't say anything to Derek. Maybe you're not judging me, but I know that he will, especially after what Addison did to him."

"He cheated on her too," Meredith noted, recalling their heated sex at the prom, and how Derek hadn't even tried to hide it from Addison. "I don't think he would judge you."

"He's my older brother," Amelia said. "It's his job to judge me."

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "So, these guys...do they have names?"

"Mer!" Cristina's voice intervened before Amelia could answer Meredith's question. Amelia released a loud sigh of relief. "I've been looking for you!"

"Yeah, what's up?" Meredith asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"Um, well, there's a woman from child services in the lobby. She says Alex paged her. I thought maybe it was about that girl you and Jo operated on last night, since you were suspecting abuse and all. I paged Alex, but he's in surgery right now."

"Well, that can't be," Meredith shook her head. "Jo said she called child services last night." Meredith's face froze as she came to a realization. "You said Alex called them?"

"Mhm," Cristina nodded.

"Shit!" Meredith gasped as her jaw dropped.

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><p><strong>AN: Uh-oh, that can't be good. Anyway, who do you think the potential fathers of Amelia's baby are? Hint: They are Private Practice characters!**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! Since several of you asked, everything that happened in Private Practice is canon in this story, including Pete's death. I have no way of knowing what has happened since the finale, obviously, but hopefully Amelia will mention something in the coming episodes. We're so close to having her back. :)**

**Oh, and I hope you all have a wonderful Easter (if you celebrate)!**

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><p>Meredith Grey's blood viciously boiled as it gushed through her veins. Her heart rate quickened, and her chest tightened as her breaths became deeper. She hustled toward the elevator, and Cristina chased after her.<p>

"Where are you going?" Cristina demanded. "I said she's in the lobby. What's going on, Mer?"

Meredith slammed her finger against the elevator button and then spun around toward Cristina. "You said Alex is in surgery, right?"

"Yeah, but…" Cristina stopped in her words, and her mouth formed a circle. "You think that Alex called child services on _Izzie_?"

"Bingo," Meredith retorted as the elevator dinged, the down button glowed yellow, and the door started to open slowly. Meredith stepped into the elevator and Cristina followed.

"You don't know that, though," Cristina insisted. "I mean, there were _a ton _of kids in the E.R. today."

"Oh, trust me," Meredith said flatly, "I sure as _hell_ hope you're right." The elevator ascended as the twisted sisters stood next to each other, not making eye contact. Meredith stared at the elevator door, waiting for the elevator to ding again and for the door to gradually open. Her head was spinning. Had Alex actually called child services on Izzie? If he had, she didn't know what to think. She hated butting into other people's lives, but this was ridiculous. She understood Alex was upset, and he had every right to be upset. However, from what Meredith had seen so far, Izzie was a good mother. Blake seemed like a healthy, kind four-year-old boy. The only parenting mistake Izzie Stevens had made was lying to him about his father. It wasn't ethical by any means, but it wasn't illegal either.

The elevator dinged again, and the door slid open. Meredith quickly hustled out of the elevator, followed by Cristina.

"He wouldn't have," Cristina insisted.

"Which OR is he in?" Meredith ignored Cristina's comment.

"I don't know. It was a nurse who told me he was in surgery," Cristina shrugged. Meredith rolled her eyes, deciding she'd have to guess. She and Derek had been in OR 1 earlier, and Amelia had been in OR 2. Of course they had a fast OR turnover rate, so he could be in any of them. She pushed open the door to OR 1 and grabbed a mask before the eyes centered around the table directed at her. Meredith froze for a moment when she saw Callie's dark brown eyes gazing at her. Next to her, Jackson Avery, and next to him, April Kepner.

_Uh-hem, _she thought. Wasn't Callie supposed to be sick? Meredith rolled her eyes briefly.

"What do you need, Grey?" Callie asked intensely, looking at at her patient, a child who couldn't be more than nine years old.

"I'm looking for Alex," she said, "and I see _you're _feeling better."

"Yeah, well, hearing a bunch of kids have been in a bus crash just wipes the bug right out of you, and I think Alex is in OR 2. Why do you…?" Meredith closed the door and began running to the next OR. At the same time, Cristina's pager beeped.

"Well, crap, _now _Hunt pages me with a cardio case," Cristina scowled. "Just when things are getting juicy." She sighed, looking at her phone. "I have to go. Let me know if I'm right."

"And if you're wrong…?"

"Still tell me I'm right," Cristina said as she ran backwards toward the elevator. Meredith rolled her eyes and exhaled slowly as she prepared to open the door to OR 2. She placed the mask over her face and opened the door. Immediately, her eyes locked with Arizona's bright blue eyes and Alex's light brown eyes.

"Mer, what are you doing here?" Alex instantly reacted; shock covered his face.

"Is everything all right, Meredith? I heard a rumor floating around the nurses' station that your sister-in-law's ex-boyfriend or something is a patient of yours and Derek's. Is it true?"Arizona asked as she proceeded to appear focused on the surgery she was performing.

"That's not what this is about," Meredith replied abruptly, not answering Arizona's question, instead her eyes focused on Alex.

"I'm in the middle of surgery," Alex said. "Can this wait?"

"I don't know," Meredith said tartly. "Can it? There's a woman at the hospital who says she's with child services. She's asking for you. Apparently _you _called them, no?"

Alex dropped his scalpel and his eyes jetted toward Meredith. He frowned and she could sense a fire of anger in his eyes. Arizona looked up from the patient, and her focus directed to Alex.

"Karev, is there something you want to tell me?" Arizona asked, her eyes narrowing on Alex.

Alex shook his head. "It's nothing. There was a kid I was concerned about earlier. I think his mother has been treating him unjustly," Alex replied bitterly, sneaking a glance at Meredith, who was biting her lip. If Alex wanted to tell Arizona the truth, he could.

"Well, if you need to go deal with child services, then by all means do. I can handle this surgery from here," Arizona insisted, taking her focus back to the patient

"Are you sure?" Alex inquired.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now go," Arizona demanded, and Alex exited the operating room with Meredith.

Meredith walked with Alex to the elevator. She watched him as they walked, but he didn't look back at her once. His body signals sent off frustration, anger, fury. He looked like he could kill someone if they looked at him the wrong way.

"Alex," Meredith said softly as the elevator door opened. He finally glanced at her. "It's Izzie, right? Izzie and Blake. That's why you called child services."

Alex exhaled and scowled. "Not that it's any of your business, but no, my patient told me that her mother was leaving her home alone at night, and I suspected further abuse. Why do you always jump to conclusions?"

Meredith swallowed, realizing Alex's story sounded incredibly familiar to six-year-old Jenni Miller's. The patient she and Jo had operated on the night before. Had Jo told Alex about her? Alex was one of the pediatrics surgeons, so whether Jo had or hadn't told him about her, he would have heard about her case.

"You're lying," Meredith whispered.

"Excuse me?" Alex shot back.

"Alex, I know you too well, and I know when you're lying," Meredith said flatly.

"I don't know why you care," Alex rolled his eyes. "Why are you defending Izzie anyway? I thought you were my friend, Mer. Now you're on her side? Tell me the truth. _Did you know _about Blake before? Have you been in contact with Izzie over all these years?"

"I already told you I didn't," Meredith said. "And it's your choice to believe me or not. But, Alex, I didn't know about Blake, and I haven't talked to Izzie either. I was just as surprised to see her as you were. She didn't tell me she was back. I found out she was back when I went with Amelia to her gynecology appointment."

"Amelia's actually pregnant?" Alex asked. "That's why you were in the gynecology wing the other day." He widened his eyes and shrugged. "And I actually thought you were pregnant and just trying to cover it up."

"Alex!" Meredith slapped his shoulder, not sure if she should be offended by Alex's comment or not. "Why? Do I look fat?"

"No, but you hid your pregnancy with Bailey for the entire first trimester, so it wouldn't faze me if you were," Alex noted. "So Amelia's ex-boyfriend or boyfriend or baby daddy or whatever is actually in the hospital, then?"

"I'm not talking about this," Meredith said flatly. "This isn't about Amelia, or her boyfriend, or her baby. This is about you calling child services on Izzie and Blake. Do you have any idea of the mess you're creating?"

"Why do you care, again?" Alex shot.

"I care because I've actually talked to Izzie, and at no point did Izzie indicate that she wasn't willing to share custody with you. Have you spoken to her, Alex? This isn't the right route to take. There are better options. I know you're angry, and you make stupid choices when you're angry," Meredith replied. "You don't want to do this, trust me."

"I really don't care," Alex raised his voice. "Izzie lied to me. She lied to our son. And it's not healthy for Blake to grow up being lied to by a lying liar."

_Lying liar, _Meredith's eyes widened. The exact words she had used to describe Derek when she'd found out he was going back on his promise to her after he'd decided to go forward with his presidential project.

"Have you even talked to Blake?" Meredith asked. "Because if you had, you'd know Izzie has done a good job of raising him. He's a sweet, polite little guy. What the hell did you tell child services?"

"Told them exactly what I told Arizona. I have concerns of a young boy's living environment, and that's exactly the case," Alex said.

"Alex, don't…" Meredith sighed as they entered the lobby together. She saw the woman from child services standing by the lobby desk. And as Alex extended his arm to greet the woman, Meredith pulled out her phone and shot a quick text to Izzie.

_911! ALEX CALLED CHILD SERVICES ON YOU._

She knew she shouldn't be getting involved in this. It wasn't her business, but she felt like Alex was making a huge mistake. Izzie had made a huge mistake too, but from Meredith's observation, she had not once mistreated Blake. Blake was one of the most well-behaved, well-mannered four-year-old boys Meredith had met. She didn't want Alex to mess everything up just because he was angry.

She received an instant text back. _WTF? _

"I'm Dr. Karev," Alex was introducing himself to the child services worker.

"I'm Lori from child services, and you are?" The woman was plump and dark-skinned. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a bun. She wore a gray dress suit. She was looking at Meredith with her thin eyebrow raised.

"Oh, I'm Dr. Grey," Meredith introduced herself.

"Are you on this case, too?" Lori asked.

"I am not," Meredith replied, "But…"

"I only need to speak with the doctor who's reporting the child abuse incident, so if you don't mind," Lori insisted.

"Right," Meredith exhaled and looked at Alex pleading eyes. _Please don't do this, Alex, _Meredith thought, but she knew she couldn't control him. She couldn't stop him from lying about the well-being of his son; his son who he'd never been properly introduced to. His son whom he didn't know at all. Meredith knew that if Alex did this, and then it came out that he was untruthful, he could lose his medical license.

Meredith backed away. She knew she needed to allow Alex to make his own stupid choices in life. After all, that's what he was known for doing. She just hoped the repercussions wouldn't be too impairing. He was a mandatory reporter. They all were. They had to report all suspected abuse incidents. They were doctors, and you were supposed to be able to trust doctors' words. Of course, doctors weren't always right. There were numerous abuse reports filed each year that came back with nothing, and the kids remained in their parents' custody. There were situations where kids were kept in abusive homes, because child services couldn't find hardcore evidence of abuse. Then, of course, there were kids pulled out of loving homes for small reasons. It all depended on the parents' history with the system, of course.

She took her phone out of her pocket and dialed Izzie's number, but Izzie didn't pick up. Meredith's heart raced. She didn't doubt her decision to give Izzie a heads up about Alex's report. If she were Izzie, she would immediately run down to the daycare and pick up her child and leave. Although that could complicate the situation further. Meredith remembered when she'd found out she was going to lose Zola. She'd hid in the hospital with Zola all day, just to savor a few more moments with her. But that was different. She _had _just lost her job, and shehad lied to the social worker. Of course they had reason to suspect that she and Derek wouldn't be good parents. This was different. Izzie had nothing to hide, from Meredith's point of view. She had no reason to run, did she? Then again, Meredith wouldn't blame her if she did. The system could be so sketchy and biased at times. Sometimes they did nothing at all with their reports. Sometimes they tore innocent families apart.

Meredith was pro-adoption, but she had read horror stories of families' experiences. Everyone's story was unique. Though, no one ever had anything positive to say about the system when their child was ripped from their home.

She made a run for the daycare and was not surprised when she saw Izzie Stevens inside the daycare, helping her son put on his coat.

"Izzie!" Meredith gasped, putting her phone in her pocket.

"Mommy!" Zola waved when she saw her mother enter the daycare. She was sitting on the floor with Bailey and Sofia playing with giant Legos. She and Sofia appeared to be trying to build a big tower. Bailey held a yellow Lego in his hands. "You gots to see what Bailey can do!" Meredith's eyes widened as she looked between her son and daughter and Izzie and Blake. She grinned widely and got her her knees, then took both of her brother's hands. Zola helped her brother to his feet. "Show Mama what you can do, Bailey!"

Meredith watched her son as her daughter let go of her brother's hands. She watched as Bailey stood on his own two feet, balancing himself. He'd stood up before, but he'd always fallen right back down. This time, though, he didn't fall. Instead, he took a step, and Meredith's heart dropped. And then he took another step. And before she knew it, he was walking faster and faster toward her, until his hands landed on her hips. She bent down and picked up her little guy.

"You walked!" Meredith glowed, giving her son a kiss on the cheek. "Oh, my God. You took your first steps in daycare. Your daddy is going to be sad." She cradled her little boy and looked at Zola. "Zozo, can we keep this a secret from Daddy, so Daddy can be surprised?"

The little girl smiled widely. "Okay!" Meredith sighed slowly, not sure if she could trust that Zola would actually keep this a secret. She was three. Three-year-olds weren't exactly the best secret keepers.

She remembered how she had said she'd kill herself if Zola took her first steps in daycare. She hadn't, though. Meredith would never forget the day she'd seen her daughter take her first steps. She and Derek had been trying to get her to walk for days, but she hadn't. They'd videotaped as many moments of Zola's early days in their house. Then, of course, the minute they'd turned the video camera off, Zola had decided to take off walking. Meredith looked at her son, so proud of him, but still so disappointed that she wouldn't be able to say she'd seen her son take his first steps. She also knew that when Derek found out Bailey was walking now, he would use it as another excuse for them to try for another baby. She hoped not. She hoped she'd finally gotten through to him that they weren't ready yet.

"Well, congratulations, Bailey. Um, well, Blake and I have to get going," Izzie said.

"Izzie, wait," Meredith said, following Izzie to the door with her son still in her arms.

"Meredith, Alex is probably on his way down here with child services right now. Blake and I have to go. I can't have them take him away from me. He's all I've got, Mer," Izzei said.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" Blake tugged at his mother's jacket. His big hazel eyes, just like his dad's, glowed as he looked up at his mother. His head then turned toward Zola, who was standing right behind Meredith. "I wanna stay and play with Zoey and Sofi."

"Sweetie, you can't. We should have never come here. I'm sorry, baby, but we have to go," Izzie said hurriedly.

"Izzie, if you run, they're going to think you have something to hide, and you don't. Do you?" Meredith asked.

"Of course not! But I know how the system works, and I know Alex can be awfully convincing, plus who's going to question a doctor's word? Seriously, Mer!"

"Izzie, you're a doctor too."

"Yeah, the cancer-infected doctor," Izzie rolled her eyes, reaching down to pick up her son. Tears started to stream out of Blake's small eyes.

"You don't know it's back," Meredith said flatly, referring to Izzie's cancer.

"Everything else is falling apart now too, and when it rains it pours!" Izzie cried.

"Iz-" Izzie ignored Meredith and dashed out of the daycare with her son in her arms. Meredith exhaled, looking down at her own little boy. She shook her head solemnly.

"Momma," Zola tapped Meredith's back. "Blake's gonna come back, right?"

Meredith swallowed, not wanting to lie to her daughter. "Yeah, of course he is," she replied, hoping she wasn't telling a lie. Izzie couldn't just run away forever, could she? Then again, she had taken off before and they hadn't heard from her. _She'll come back, _Meredith thought.

Moments later, Alex and Lori entered the daycare center.

"Where is he?" the social worker asked and then she locked eyes on Meredith. "And we meet again, Dr. Grey, right? Is this your little boy?"

Meredith hugged her son close. There was something about a social worker standing in front of her, asking her if her son was her son that made her feel uncomfortable. She remembered the moment in which they'd taken Zola from her. She looked down and saw her daughter's bright eyes looking up at her. The thought of losing either Bailey or Zola was terrifying. But they couldn't take them from her now. They were her children and they were loved more than any other children in the world. She was blessed to have two healthy children.

"Yes," she replied softly.

"Momma," Zola whispered.

"Yes, baby girl?" Meredith asked, suddenly feeling the extra urge to _prove _that she was a good mom to the social worker. She turned around and balanced her son on her knee as she kneeled down to Zola's level.

"Can we go home? I wanna have a tea party," Zola said, and before Meredith could answer her, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Meredith set Bailey down next to his sister, and he instantly used Zola to stand back up and balance himself. He was really enjoying being able to balance himself, it seemed. Meredith pulled her phone out of her pocket and saw she had a text from Derek.

_James's scans are in. Not good. _She read the text from Derek. He'd also attached an image of the scans, which Meredith opened on her cell phone and zoomed in. Derek was right, from her perspective, they weren't good. There was no evidence of brain activity. She could feel the social worker's eyes on her as she was looking at her phone. Was she judging her? Was she a bad mom because she was reading CT scans in front of her children? Was she a bad mother because she was a working mother? It was good for them to see her work, right?

Callie had told her that it was good for the kids to see her work hard. That would encourage them to become good workers. But somehow Meredith always felt like she was putting work before her kids, and she didn't want that. She didn't want to be another Ellis Grey. Turning into her mother was her worst fear in the world.

Her children were the light of her world, though, and she shouldn't have to _prove _that. Meredith exhaled as she looked at her children. Zola wrapped her arms around her little brother and Meredith's heart warmed seeing her daughter being sweet to her little brother. They really were her light.

_Light_.

A light bulb went off in Meredith's head.

"Where is Blake?" Lori asked.

"Yeah, Mer, where is he? Have you seen Izzie?" Alex demanded.

"Blakey and Izzie goed bye bye," Zola answered.

"I guess I'd better ask the three-year-old the questions, because I know you'll cover for Izzie," Alex rolled his eyes and kneeled down and placed his hands on Zola's shoulder. "Zozo, how long ago did Izzie and Blake go bye bye?"

Zola shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I'm three. I can't tell time."

"Was it before Mommy got here or after?" Alex asked.

"Hmmm," Zola squint her eyes, like she did when she was thinking.

"Alex…" Meredith said warningly.

"After!" Zola chimed.

"Thank you, Zo. I'm still your favorite uncle, right?" Alex smiled. Zola nodded. "Good girl!" Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out a tootsie roll and gave it to Zola.

"Yay!" Zola giggled, and took the piece of candy from Alex.

"You're sick, Alex," Meredith hissed. "Bribing a three-year-old for information."

"Whatever. Tell me where she went, Mer," Alex demanded.

"I don't know," Meredith said flatly. It was the truth, after all.

"And how can I trust you? I know that you had to have given her the heads up. Why else would you be down here and Izzie would be gone before I got here?"

"I do not know what you are talking about, Alex. I had a little free time, so I wanted to spend it with my children, who I love dearly. Now, if you don't mind, my husband is paging me. He has Amelia's boyfriend's scans in, and I need to go." She patted Zola's head. "Daddy or I will be down in a little while to take you and your brother home. I'm sorry, sweetie, I know you want to go home and have a tea party, but it'll just have to be later. Now, just play with Sofia, all right?" Meredith looked over at Sofia, who was now playing with the Legos by herself.

Zola cutely stuck her lip out. "Okay, Momma." She grabbed her brother's hand and the two walked back over to the Legos and Sofia. Meredith froze for a minute. It felt so weird to see her baby boy walking.

_Light_.

"Dr. Grey, you do realize that if you have information about Izzie Stevens's whereabouts, you could be arrested, right?" Lori inquired.

"Well, it's a good thing I don't have information," Meredith retorted, and she dashed out of the daycare. She needed to talk to Derek. Her brain was spinning. She had just gotten an idea of how she and Derek could possibly save James's life.

_Light_.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: This is one instance where I completely make up a course of treatment for the sake of creativity. The study Meredith mentions in this chapter does not exist outside of this story (to my knowledge). However, it is based off a few cases I did read, although I added a little creativity.**

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><p>Meredith found Derek in his office, staring blankly at his computer screen. He looked up when she entered the room. "There you are," he said with wide eyes. "Where did you disappear to?"<p>

"Long story," she replied, "but a head's up. I think there's a tiny possibility I might be going to jail."

Derek's face froze. "Meredith, what did you do now?" He stared intently at his wife as she walked behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Like I said, it's a long story," she told him.

"Well, I hope you don't go to jail, because I'm not liking the idea of being a single father to three children," Derek responded. He exhaled a dismal sigh. She took her hand off his shoulder and placed her hands in the pockets of her white coat.

"Three children?" Meredith inquired and realized he was talking about Amelia's baby. "You're really worried about your sister, aren't you?" She gazed into Derek's ocean blue eyes and saw the sadness beneath them. Derek never hid his emotion; she could read him like a book. The worry manipulated his entire face.

He nodded. "I know she's gone through a lot and has always come out stronger in the end, but her confidence was already shaken when she got here. Now, this is going to put her over the edge. I know my sister, Meredith. She's going to blame herself, and frankly, I don't blame her. She should blame herself."

"That's a little harsh," Meredith told her husband, although she did agree with him. Derek shrugged. "Well, lucky for us, I might have a solution."

"Mmm," Derek said. "No offense, Meredith, but I'm not sure what possible solution you could offer. I've been doing this a while, and there's currently no cure for brain death."

"There's no FDA approved cure for brain death yet," Meredith replied slowly. Derek swung his chair around and looked directly at her. She knew she had his attention now. "Maybe it's nothing, but there was an article I was reading a few months ago. In Japan, there's a _light treatment _study that doctors are using to revive dead brain cells. They've had one success story. A fourteen-year-old girl was declared brain dead, and after seventy-two hours of light therapy, she woke up. It might be a longshot, but it's a fairly inexpensive treatment, and we'd be stupid not to at least try it."

"Mmm." Derek looked like he was thinking.

"Why aren't you jumping up and down for joy and calling me a genius?" Meredith asked, stretching out her arms, waiting for him to hug her, or at least say something. But instead, he stared dumbfounded into space, not even making eye contact with her. "Derek?"

"We'd be stupid not to try it," he said, "but where are we going to get access to this light therapy machine they're using? Do they even make it in the United States? It's a genius idea, and believe me when I say this, you are a genius." He stood up and gazed warmly into her eyes, then leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"I'll have to find the article again, but I think it's just a simple heat lamp. Like you know the happy lamps they recommend for you when you're depressed?" Meredith said, trying to recall the specifics of the article she'd read.

"It has to be a more powerful machine, though," Derek said, "otherwise we could have saved millions of lives." Meredith shrugged. "And since when do you read neuro articles in your spare time?"

"It was in one of my email digests," Meredith replied sincerely, since it was the truth.

"Mhm." Derek's eyes widened as if he didn't believe her. "Tell you what. You go find that article. I'm going to go find Amy before she does something stupid. You're one of the last persons to have seen her. Do you have any idea where she might have gone?"

Meredith shook her head, recalling their last conversation before Cristina had interrupted them. She curled her lip under her teeth, deciding to honor Amelia's wish and not tell him that she'd confessed to cheating on James, even though Derek had been the one to voice the suspicion. He would find out sooner or later, anyway. "I didn't see where she went, sorry," Meredith told her husband.

"Well, wish me luck, then," Derek rolled his eyes. "She always won when we played hide-and-seek when we were kids." He leaned in and kissed Meredith's neck.

"Good luck," Meredith said, and she took a seat at Derek's computer and watched as Derek left the room. She pulled up her email and went back a couple months, going through all the email digests that had been sent to her. She was subscribed to so many medical mailing lists, some of which she'd been on their lists for years. Most of them she didn't have time to read. In fact, over half of them were unopened. There were always certain ones that caught her eye and sparked her interest, though.

The subject line: _Neurosurgeon Monthly: January 2014 _caught her eye, and she instantly knew this was the one. She clicked the email and scrolled down to the headline: _Japan Using Light to Wake Up Brain Dead Patients_. She clicked on the link and a new tab opened. She skimmed the article with her eyes.

_A 14-year-old Japanese teenager has been brought back to life after being declared brain dead during a series of light therapy sessions by doctors. _

Meredith went on to read the article, realizing that she was right. The Japanese were using simple happy lamps. Whether or not their machines were actually more powerful than the ones in the States was subject for evaluation, though Meredith knew that they sold these lamps at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. There was no reason she and Derek couldn't try this course of treatment. Anything was worth a shot at this point. If James had a chance to wake up, then they should certainly exercise all of their options.

She copied the email link and sent it to the email account connected to her phone, then texted the link to Derek so he could look at him for himself. Derek was the type of person who had to see it to believe it. If he didn't see it, then it didn't exist.

In the mean time, she reclined in her husband's chair and thought about checking Facebook. Just as she was about to load the social networking website, though, she realized it wasn't a good idea. She was sitting at a computer owned by the government. Although she was sure the government was already tapping into everyone's private social networking sites, she didn't want to chance it. There really was no such thing as hiding from the government. Luckily, she had nothing to hide. Still, she closed out of the internet browser.

That's when the LED light on Derek's webcam started flashing a blue light. Meredith squinted and carefully studied the camera. Hadn't Derek said that it was broken?

"Step away from the computer," a deep male voice came through the computer speakers causing Meredith to nearly fall off the chair. Blood gushed through her body as her heart raced and pounded fiercely against her chest. She breathed deeply, her chest tightened, and her eyes locked on the screen, where she saw a man's face had appeared. He had thin gray hair and was wearing a black suit with a black tie. "I repeat, step away from the computer, Dr. Meredith Grey."

Her face froze and an eerie feeling crept through her body. How did he know her name? Obviously he was one of Derek's NIH staffers. Derek had told her that they'd known _everything _about him, apparently. He'd told her that they'd even mentioned Amelia's drug problems in the interview process, and commented on how she was doing well. _Did they know she'd cheated on her boyfriend? _Meredith sensed they hadn't, so they didn't know _everything_. She didn't doubt their ability to find out anything, though.

"I thought the webcam didn't work," Meredith said suspiciously, distinctly remembering Derek telling her that earlier before they'd made love in his office.

The man shrugged, "Yeah, that's what we tell all our remote staffers. We don't want them to know we can see them, so we'd appreciate if you don't tell your husband." Meredith swallowed, instantly wondering how much footage they had seen earlier of her and Derek. "Oh, by the way, it's a good thing you two moved earlier when you did, though I wouldn't recommend getting dressed in front of that webcam again. Everything is recorded, but don't worry, I took the liberty of deleting the footage."

"You watched us get dressed," Meredith said slowly.

"It's my job to watch all of our webcams when the computers are turned on, to make sure the computers are not being used by the wrong hands. We wouldn't want top secret information to get leaked, so that's why I had to tell you to get away from the computer," the man insisted. "But don't worry, we generally don't have the sound enabled unless we suspect suspicious activity, like I did when I saw using Dr. Shepherd's computer, so that's why I had to tell you to move back. It's only protocol. I recognized you as soon as you moved back, though. I couldn't mistake those gorgeous eyes, Dr. Grey."

Meredith's stomach muscles tightened. She felt like she was about to get sick. She ran out of the room and closed the door behind her. She wasn't sure she would ever feel comfortable in Derek's office again. At least the sound had been disabled earlier, though that wasn't much confrontation. There had been video of her changing her clothes. And she wasn't supposed to tell Derek that his webcam actually did work?

She just started walking through the hospital hallways. It was getting late, so the hospital halls were clearing out. The night staff was transitioning into their shift. _The kids, _Meredith thought. She checked her watch. They had thirty minutes until the daycare closed. She shot Derek a quick text as she got onto the elevator. She told him that she had the article and to meet her outside the daycare, then they could discuss who was going to take the kids home and how to proceed with the treatment.

Ten minutes passed and she had no response, and there was no Derek. She didn't want to go into the daycare unless she planned on taking the kids out with her. She hated getting their hopes up. But there were only twenty minutes before the daycare closed. She tried calling Derek, but no response.

Could this mean things had gone poorly with Amelia?

She walked down the hallway, where she passed Dr. Bailey. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for responding to my page," she said, dryly.

Miranda Bailey froze and her eyes widened. "Webber didn't tell you? He and I were in the middle of a major surgery; we were resecting the bowels of a nine-year-old girl. Webber said he told you."

"Um, no," Meredith scrolled through her phone. She did not have a text from Richard, and frankly, she wasn't buying Bailey's excuse. She just didn't want to admit she was a hypocrite. "He did not tell me, but it's fine." She scowled, replaying James's surgery in her brain. "I did fine all on my own."

"Well, I wouldn't expect any less from you," Bailey said slyly. "You're _my _intern."

"I'm not an intern," Meredith replied furiously.

"Oh, you'll always be an intern in my eyes," Bailey laughed as she walked away, and Meredith clenched her fists.

She continued to walk swiftly toward the chief's office, and she stopped dead in her feet when she saw Derek and Owen both inside the office. The two men were talking, and she could tell Derek looked worried. Meredith tapped lightly on the door before entering the office. to give them a heads up.

"What's wrong?" Meredith immediately asked, looking at her husband.

Derek shook his head. "I can't find Amelia. She's nowhere inside this hospital. She's not responding to pages. She's...gone. She had to have left the hospital."

"Oh, no," Meredith whispered, moving closer to her husband. She put her hand on his shoulder and gently rubbed his back.

"Derek said you're one of the last people to have seen her?" Owen asked; his eyes on Meredith.

Meredith exhaled. "Yes, James's parents were with him, and Amelia was pretty upset, so I took her on a short walk away from his room. We were just down the hall from it," Meredith told Owen.

"What did you talk about? You said she was upset, did you suspect she might harm herself?" Owen asked.

"She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse," Derek said flatly. "You didn't know that when you hired her, did you?"

"Actually, I did," Owen said. "She told me upfront, but it wasn't a concern at the time. We were low on neurosurgeons, and she has a stellar surgical record. Better than yours, Derek. Plus, she's been sober for two years. I had no way of foreseeing that this was going to happen."

"She also has less years of experience than I do, so of course she hasn't had as many fatalities," Derek responded tartly. .

Owen looked at Meredith again. "Were you concerned about her mental state? What did you talk about?"

Meredith clenched her teeth together tightly, vividly remembering her conversation with Amelia. She knew about Amelia's history, and she knew how traumatic events like this could trigger an addict's relapse. Meredith had never declared herself an alcoholic, but it had been her go-to when she was depressed. If she didn't keep herself preoccupied, it was easy to turn to the bottle. Her father had been an alcoholic, after all, so alcoholism did run in her family. However, after she'd donated part of her liver to her alcoholic father, she'd started becoming more consciously aware of the alcohol she was putting in her system. She wasn't an alcoholic because she didn't _need _alcohol. She could easily go months without having a drink. She didn't go through withdrawals like addicts did.

So maybe Meredith couldn't completely relate to Amelia, but in some essence she did. Meredith couldn't imagine losing Derek. She was sure that if something ever happened to Derek she would be tempted to drown her sorrows in alcohol. Of course Amelia's problems were far more extensive than just alcohol. Derek had told her that she'd had an oxycodone addiction. And Amelia just happened to be in a hospital full of pills. The temptation was surreal. A hospital certainly was no place for an addict. If Meredith were Amelia, she would leave the hospital to avoid the temptation in this situation.

"She was upset," Meredith said, "and I tried to calm her down. She didn't seem like she was on the verge of relapse, though. Maybe she went back to the house, Derek. It'd make sense that she'd want to get out of the hospital to avoid the temptation."

Derek's eyes widened. "Dr. Hunt, make sure we're not missing any oxy samples. That's her drug of choice." Owen nodded, taking a pen off his take, and he wrote the word "oxy" on a sticky note.

"Give her a little more credit, Derek," Meredith said. "If she knows what's best for her, she left the hospital so she could avoid the temptation of all the pills here."

"Why should I give her more credit? When has she ever deserved more credit?" Derek spat. "I mean, she just shows up here, with no prior warning, and she's barefoot and pregnant. She's never once been able to take responsibility for herself. She doesn't realize there are consequences in life."

"Derek…"

"Why are you defending her? She's not your sister, Meredith. She's mine. My blood. My responsibility," Derek shot.

"Calm down, Derek," Meredith whispered softly, reaching for his arm. "Look, the daycare is about to close. Why don't you go pick up the kids and take them home? Maybe you'll find your sister there too, and you can ease your mind."

Derek inhaled slowly and finally nodded. "All right, but what about James? Did you get the article?"

"I have the article, and I can get him started on the treatment. It's relatively simple," Meredith said. Confusion swept over Derek's face. "If it works, great. If it doesn't, then at least we tried."

"That's not...it's just...neuro isn't your specialty," Derek said

"It's not like I'm cutting into his brain," Meredith insisted. "I'm just administrating a light treatment. I can do it, Derek."

"I don't doubt you," Derek said. "But are you sure? You've been so adamant about not going back to neuro." His frown turned upward and he laughed gently.

"I'm not coming back to neuro," Meredith insisted in a stern, matter-of-fact tone. "I'm just helping a patient. I'll find a resident to stay here tonight and monitor his vitals, then I'll come home. Derek, he is my patient too."

"But you did your part," Derek pointed out.

"My part isn't done until he's awake and well," Meredith winked. "Now, go get the kids. Let me know what happens with Amelia." She leaned forward and softly kissed his lips. He nodded, and smiled weakly before leaving Owen's office, which left her alone with the chief. She locked eyes with Owen momentarily.

"I'll keep an eye out for Amelia too," Owen insisted. "In case she's not at your house."

"Thank you," Meredith replied.

"Oh, Dr. Grey, there's one more thing I wanted to talk to you about," Owen said. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes narrowed on her.

"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow.

"What's going on with Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Two days until Amelia is back! I doubt I'll get another update out before then, but we'll see. By the way, I was totally creeped out when I wrote the scene with Meredith and the NIH staffer. Though, I could definitely see that being the case. **


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Oh, my Gosh, so can I just say 10x21 was an awesome episode! I loved seeing Meredith and Derek back in the operating room again. Amy scenes were so short-lived, but oh my, so much was déjà vu, and I thought Amy would be returning because she was freaking out about commitment with James! I wonder if there's more to that story. Well, we'll find, I guess, because Amelia's back for the rest of the season. Hope she sticks around for next season too. I can't wait for Amelia and Meredith to interact. Caterina says they "forge a friendship." :)**

* * *

><p>Meredith inhaled slowly. She wasn't surprised that word about Alex and Izzie's issues had circulated to the chief's office. After all, they'd broken into a huge quarrel near the Attendings' lounge just the day before. Gossip traveled fast in the hospital, especially in the nurses' station. There were still numerous hospital employees who had known Alex and Izzie as interns, so of course Izzie's return would have sparked gossip within the hospital.<p>

"Excuse me?" Meredith raised her eyebrows, trying to appear dumbfounded. She didn't feel that it was her place to fill Owen in on the Alex and Izzie drama. In fact, she'd rather not be part of it at all, but she was. Somehow she always managed to be part of everyone's drama, whether she wanted to be or not. She didn't have time for it all. She had too many patients and too many children to worry about.

Owen Hunt reached for a piece of paper that sat on his desk, and Meredith realized Owen wasn't asking her this because he'd heard rumors through the grapevine.

"I've just received a subpoena to present all of Izzie Stevens's employment files to the police. She's being accused of kidnapping, apparently. And, yesterday, I heard word that Izzie and Alex were feuding in the hallway near the Attendings' lounge. Do you know anything about this, Meredith? And don't tell me you don't, because I can tell by the look on your face that you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Meredith lowered her arms by her side and inhaled. Did her face really give away that much?

"Dr. Hunt, with all due respect, it's really not my place, nor is it either of our business," Meredith said in a calm voice.

Owen slammed the paper down on the table and glared at her. "My employees' personal business may not be my business, but when I have a subpoena lying on my desk for one of my newly hired OB attendings, it becomes my business. And on top of it, said employee is being accused of _kidnapping_. I can't have an attending on my staff that is a kidnapper, _especially _an OB attending."

"You're firing Izzie?" Meredith's jaw dropped.

"Well, apparently she's disappeared off the radar, unless you happen to know where she is," Owen said. "Do you?"

"Why would I know where she's at?" Meredith questioned.

He pulled out his iPad. "We don't have security tapes in every hall in this building, as we probably should but the daycare is one room that is securely monitored by security tapes." He turned the iPad in her direction and she could see, very clearly, a picture of her holding Bailey and talking to Izzie. "That's you and Izzie, Meredith. You're the last person to have talked to Izzie Stevens before she dropped off the radar. Her cell phone is off, so it's untraceable. So, if I were you, I'd start explaining now, because the police _will _be questioning you. Tell me where she is."

"I don't know," Meredith gasped. "I mean that when I say that, Owen. I really don't know where she is." She started to tell Owen everything, starting from how Alex had found out that he had a son, Blake, who was now four years old, to where she'd overheard their fight, to where Alex called child services. "I told Izzie not to run. She has no reason to run. Blake is well-taken care of. Alex is just upset, so that's why he got child services involved. He needs to come to his senses."

Owen's eyes were wide and dumbstruck. "Okay, you're not going to tell the police that."

"Excuse me?"

"If you tell them that you think Alex has filed a false report, we could lose our credibility as a hospital, and our reputation will go down the drain. Parents won't want to bring their kids here, because they'll be afraid that the doctors will report abuse when it's not there. Because, quite frankly, we've had a number of abuse reports in the last month, one just last night by Dr. Wilson. I can't have this getting leaked."

"So, you want me to lie and tell them Izzie's a bad mother?" Meredith crossed her arms.

"No," Owen said, "I need you to talk to Alex and get him to come to his senses. If anyone can do it, it's you. You get him better than any of us. He needs to admit that he misinterpreted the signals. He needs to fix what he's screwed up."

"Well, good luck with that," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I've already tried talking to him, and obviously _that _didn't work."

"Try harder," Owen said flatly.

"What were you _thinking _when you hired Izzie anyway? You were here when they got married and got divorced. You _knew _hiring her onto staff would cause a rift between her and Alex!" Meredith shrieked.

"Don't question who I hire. I've already heard earful about my hiring judgments from your husband," Owen said, "I hired her for the same reasons I hired Amelia. Her resume was stronger than any of the other candidates who applied, and she had stellar references. None of the other OBs who applied also had a surgical background. And, I did not know that she had a son."

Meredith rolled her eyes and stormed out of the office. She was already on a tight time bomb. She needed to set James up for his treatment, and she needed to do it fast if she had any chance at succeeding. She pushed Owen's request for her to talk to Alex to the back of her mind. Alex was still pissed at her, because he thought that he had betrayed her. She'd let him cool down before even thinking about talking to him.

And then there was Amelia. Where the hell was she? Had she gone back to L.A.? Or worse? Meredith hoped her initial theory was correct: that she'd just left the hospital to prevent herself from doing something stupid. It's what Meredith would've done in her situation. Though, if Meredith were Amelia and James were Derek, she knew that she would have already downed two bottles of tequila by now.

With that thought in mind, Meredith was worried about Amelia. Amelia shouldn't be her concern. She was Derek's sister, not hers, but within the last couple days, Amelia had become her family too. Well, she was already _technically _her family, by marriage, but Amelia was growing on her. They had strangely a lot in common. Meredith, too, had lost a baby, so she understood Amelia's fear of motherhood and pregnancy. Meredith had been absolutely mortified when she'd learned she was pregnant. Though, at the same time, she had been thrilled because she and Derek had tried for so long to get pregnant and had given up hope long before then. It all seemed too surreal. All throughout the pregnancy, Meredith had worried that something deadly was going to happen. Deadly things always seemed to happen to her, but now...now she had a healthy, beautiful little boy, who was _walking. _Sometimes Meredith herself couldn't believe it.

Though, Meredith would never cheat on Derek, but she didn't want to hold that judgment upon Amelia. Amelia had made a mistake. Everyone made mistakes. Addison cheated on Derek, which had been devastating for him, but Meredith didn't believe that made Addison a bad person. In fact, the little time Meredith had spent with Addison, had been empowering. Addison was a strong woman, and even though she had made a horrible choice, she was still a good person. She might have been selfish to not want to let Derek go, but Meredith didn't blame her. Who in their right mind _would _want to let him go? Derek wasn't the kind of guy you let go if you had a choice.

Meredith was jealous that Addison had gotten to spend twelve years of her life with Derek, but she would never forget the time that Addison had told her not to let him get away. They'd been broken up at the time, and Derek was with _Rose_-the thought of her name still made Meredith nauseous. Addison had told Meredith not to let him ride off into the sunset with her. She realized that must have taken a lot of strength for Addison, to say that to your ex-husband's ex-lover.

In essence, sometimes, Meredith thought that if the circumstances had been different, she and Addison could have been friends.

Meredith had acquired all of supplies she needed to administer the treatment to James. She'd paged Jo to come help her, but to Meredith's disappointment, Jo had replied to tell her that she wasn't on call and had gone home to catch some actual sleep. _Drats, _Meredith thought; she had hoped to talk to Jo about the Alex and Izzie situation, wondering if perhaps Jo could talk some sense into Alex. Though, for all Meredith knew, Alex had already gotten to Jo and had turned her against Meredith. Jo didn't seem that easily swayable, though. She and Jo had been getting along so well.

She ended up paging Stephanie, who seemed eager to get in on an experimental case. Meredith told her not to get too excited, since this treatment was still entirely experimental. Meredith didn't want the young resident to get her hopes up. Though, at the same time, Meredith wanted to hold onto hope.

She thought of Amelia. In a way, if James died, it was an easy out for Amelia. She wouldn't have to explain to him that she was pregnant with another man's baby. But at the same time, she would still be left to explain to his parents that the baby she was carrying wasn't their grandchild.

Meredith had taken the time to explain the planned course of treatment to the Petersons. She'd explained it was their last resort, because in retrospect, patients didn't wake up from brain death. This experiment was entirely experimental, and it would either work or it wouldn't. Of course, the mother and father had immediately consented. Any of glimmer of hope was better than none at all.

After the treatment was sent up, she instructed Stephanie to monitor the patient closely and to call her if anything changed.

It was ten o'clock. That meant the kids were already asleep and she'd missed story time. Meredith's heart sulked in disappointment as she headed to the Attendings' lounge to change out of her scrubs and into her street clothes.

Meredith froze when she opened the door and saw Alex lying on the couch asleep. She was surprised, since she'd expected he'd go home with Jo. Plus, they had on-call rooms for sleeping, so clearly he hadn't intended to fall asleep in his current position.

Meredith went into the bathroom to change into her street clothes, and instead of leaving, she meandered back to the Attendings' lounge, where Alex still lie on the couch. She flicked his forehead with her fingers. "Wake up," she said, sternly. Alex's eyes shot open, and his breathing became rapid when he saw Meredith standing over her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he spat groggily. He grabbed the couch pillow and slammed his head into it.

"I'm here to knock some sense into you," she said and grabbed his hand, guiding him so he was sitting up. Alex was much larger than her physically, but she had no problem pushing him around. She was taken by surprise when he didn't push her away. She took a seat next to him and gently put her hand on his shoulder. They sat in silence, and she stared at him while he stared directly ahead, refusing to make eye contact with her. "Alex," she finally said quietly. "Look at me." He didn't. "Look at me," she said in a sterner voice, and she placed her hand on his cheek and guided his face toward her. His brown eyes met hers, and they exchanged a long gaze. She could see the hurt and pain in his matted eyes. His eyes were swollen red, like he'd been crying.

"Don't you know how to leave people alone?" Alex huffed, and then he looked away from her again.

"I do, but you can't just go filing child abuse reports, Alex, and you know that," Meredith said. "It reflects badly on this hospital."

"Oh, so did the board send you to fire me?" Alex rolled his eyes.

"No," she said calmly, "and nobody has to get fired if you fix this."

"She has my child," Alex said. "MY child, who I didn't know existed until yesterday. I've had a son for four years, Mer, and _she _didn't have the guts to tell me. That's four years I'll never get back. Could you imagine losing four years of Bailey's or Zola's life?"

"I know, Alex," Meredith said calmly, patting his back and reaching her tiny arm across his buff shoulders. Losing the first ten months of Zola's life had been bad enough, and the months waiting and hoping they'd get her back had been unbearable. She understood Alex's pain. She hugged him tightly. "I know, but it's not against the law to not tell your baby daddy that he has a kid. Women do it all the time, actually." She saw tears forming in Alex's bloodshot eyes. She extended her arm around his shoulder and rested her head on his arm. "Alex, you do what you have to do, but you know this is wrong, and you know there's a better way to go about this. But we can't have doctors in this hospital filing false reports with the police." She felt the tension in his shoulders; tears flowed freely from his eyes and he didn't speak. She massaged her hand into his back to comfort him, just hoping that she had gotten through to him. That something she had said would affect his next move.

"I screwed up, Mer," he said in between sobs. "I really screwed up."

"So fix it," she said softly, then took her arm off him and stood up, and she watched as Alex rested his forehead into the palms of his hands. She repeated, "Fix it."


	28. Chapter 28

Meredith was concerned when Derek didn't answer her five calls to his cell phone. She texted him as well, and she received no response. Her heart was heavy, hoping that everything was alright with Amelia, and the kids were safely tucked in their beds. Derek was a great dad, so she trusted that her children were safe, and he wouldn't allow them to come into harm's way. Meredith had seen Amelia's angry side for the first time today, though she hadn't expressed violence at any point. Meredith trusted that if she was back at the house, Derek wouldn't allow her to act out in front of the children.

She drove irately toward their home in the woods, hoping to find answers.

The house was dim when Meredith pulled in the driveway. She could tell that a light was on in the living room, though, so somebody was in the living room. Her and Derek's bedroom was pitch black. Had Derek fallen asleep?

An eerie feeling lingered in Meredith's body when she reached for the door handle and her wrist was halted by the door's lock. She fished for her keys in her pocket. Derek seldom locked the door when he knew she would be home. They lived so far away from everyone, and Owen was their closest neighbor; they rarely had surprise visitors. It was certainly a different lifestyle than what they'd had at her old house. At "the frat house," as it was often referred to, people came in left and right, and most of the time they didn't know who was or wasn't in the house at any given time. Meredith knew Derek enjoyed the peace and quiet of the woods, though Meredith, admittedly, sometimes missed the sporadic lifestyle of the frat house. Living in a house alone with her husband and children made her feel older, more mature. Then again, she was older and more mature. She and Derek had grown a lot in the last three years.

Meredith's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach when she opened the door and turned on the light to find an auburn-haired young woman lying on her couch. She'd been asleep but immediately perked awake when Meredith entered the living room. Meredith recognized her; she was one of the babysitters; she hadn't bothered learning all their names. This one, she was pretty sure, was the med student.

"God, there you are!" the young woman cried, standing up groggily. Meredith noticed a large textbook sprawled out on the living room table. Meredith did not miss the day of med school and textbooks that were too big to fit in her backpack.

"Where's Derek?" Meredith instantly asked.

The woman shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not your husband's keeper. He called me at nine-thirty and asked if I'd come over. I was in the middle of a huge study session. I have a very important mid-term tomorrow! I told him no, but he begged...your husband is such a puppy dog, but I'm sure you know that. I wouldn't have come if he hadn't bribed me with pizza. I hadn't eaten tonight, and I was starving."

Meredith frowned, not listening to a word that came out of the girl's mouth. She was not surprised. She didn't even know why she'd asked where Derek was. Of course this meant that Amelia hadn't been here, so he'd gone out looking for her.

Seattle was a big city, though, so where would Derek even know where to begin? He wouldn't. Had he found her, and was that why he wasn't answering his phone? Meredith's stomach tightened. She was worried sick. What if Derek had gotten himself into trouble? Amelia did have a history with drugs, after all, and Meredith had heard about how sketchy and dangerous drug dealers could be, if Amelia had in fact found herself a dealer. Though, she was a doctor. She didn't need a dealer because she could write her own prescriptions. That was even more dangers.

_She's pregnant. _Amelia really hadn't struck Meredith as the type of person who would put her baby in danger. Even though she didn't want to keep the baby, she had been so concerned about the baby's health. And now, thinking the man she'd cheated on was about to die, she had an easy out. She wouldn't have to tell her boyfriend that she'd cheated on him.

Still, she was harboring guilt, and if she blamed herself, who knew what she was capable of doing. Meredith didn't know Amelia all that well, so she knew she shouldn't even begin to predict what Amelia would do. Derek was right. He was her brother, and she was his responsibility. He knew her best.

Meredith couldn't help but worry about her husband as she proceeded to redial her husband's number and received nothing but his voicemail. She exhaled anxiously and turned to the babysitter. "Look, I don't remember your name, but I have to go find Derek."

"Oh, Jeez, you don't remember my name and you're trusting me to watch your _children_?" The girl scowled.

"It's Danielle, right?" It was the first name that popped in Meredith's brain.

"Danika," the girl said.

"Dani," Meredith smiled tartly. "If you don't mind, I would really appreciate if you'd stay here a few more hours with the kids while I go look for Derek. It's a long story, and I'm sure you don't care to listen to it."

"I have a midterm at nine o'clock in the morning," the girl replied hastily, pulling out her cellphone, "and it's midnight. I need my beauty sleep, and I'd prefer to get it in my own bed. And I need to study! And only my mother calls me Dani!"

"Great," Meredith smiled and walked swiftly into their storage closet, where they kept her mother's old surgery tapes. She grabbed a box and slammed them on the floor of the living room. "These tapes will give you the answers to every single question on your test, and more!"

"What the fuck, I don't have time to…"

Meredith pulled her wallet out of her purse and pulled out her emergency one hundred dollar bill and handed it over to Danika. "There. Happy?"

Danika's eyes lit up at the sight of the green bill. "R-Right. How long will you be gone?."

"I don't know," Meredith replied bitterly, "but I better find my children safe and healthy when I get back. If they're not well-taken care of, then _you'll _be the star of my next surgical tape, and you _won't _be holding a scalpel of any kind." Meredith glared at Danika, and she sensed the fear in the young woman's eyes. She took a seat back on the couch and began rummaging through the surgery tapes.

Meredith rolled her eyes and thought to herself to remember to tell Derek never to call this one again. She wouldn't have left the kids alone with her if they weren't already asleep. She just hoped they didn't wake up in the middle of the night. Bailey had been doing better at sleeping through the night once he was asleep at least. Meredith was a little disappointed that Derek had dropped the kids off with a babysitter after picking them up from daycare, though she understood he was worried about Amelia, and she really should have expected this.

Seattle was a large metropolitan area with a population of over 3 million people in the Greater Seattle area. The city limits itself housed an astounding number of 600,000 people. It was in comparison to the size of Boston, where Meredith had spent the majority of her childhood. Seattle was filled with tens of thousands of restaurants and bars. With that realization, Meredith decided to start at their favorite one: Joe's.

Joe's was across from the hospital and was a hit spot for hospital doctors, nurses, and other personnel. She'd spent most of her residency at Joe's, but recently felt like she had aged out of Joe's. She didn't have time to go out drinking now that she had kids. Someone had to be with the kids at all the times, and they couldn't be raised by babysitters. Plus, it wasn't a good impression to give to their babysitters if Mommy and Daddy came home wasted all the time.

Meredith was surprised to find out she'd gotten it right the first time. It was approaching one o'clock, so the bar was starting to clear out. There were a few guys hanging around the bar that Meredith didn't recognize; she wasn't sure if they worked at the hospital or not. But there was one who caught her eye: Her husband.

His eyes were bloodshot red and he had a glass of Scotch in his hand.

"Derek!" she cried, rushing toward him.

"Uh-oh, someone's busted by the wife," she heard one of the men she didn't recognize say.

"Meredif, what are you doing here?" His words slurred together when he spoke, and his eyes jerked when he looked at her. His pupils were dilated. All signs pointed to he was drunk, _really _drunk, drunker than she'd seen him in a long time. Derek was usually good at holding his alcohol, and when he was drunk, he still could fool her into thinking he was sober. He had a high tolerance for alcohol. The drunkest she had ever seen him was when he'd batted her engagement ring into the woods. Though, he'd been drunk on beer then, not hard liquor. Meredith tried to push that moment out of her memory; it wasn't one of the fondest moments of their relationship.

"Derek, you're drunk," she said, hovering behind him and could smell the scotch lingering from his body. She shot a furious look at Joe, who stood behind the counter. "How many drinks has he had?"

"Uh, eight. I was going to cut him off after this one," Joe responded; Meredith could sense the fear of her in his eyes.

"Where are the kids?" Derek slurred. "You're supposed to be with them."

"You should have thought about that before you called that botched babysitter," Meredith snorted, rolling her eyes.

"I had to find Amy," Derek said, his eyes twitched as he spoke. "I have to find Amy. I checked all the police stations, all the hotels, all the hospitals, all the jails, and even all the morgues. She's nowhere. She's gone."

"You checked the morgues?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, taking a seat next to her husband. He nodded wearily. "Look who's the dark and twisty one now. Derek, I'm sure she's fine."

"She's not fine," Derek spat. "She's not, and it's my fault."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, wrapping her arm around him and leaning into his shoulder. "How is it your fault? You didn't make James come here. You weren't driving the bus or the cab. This was out of your control."

"I was his doctor," Derek said harshly. "I was supposed to heal him. We should have gotten him into surgery sooner, Mer. And I should have told Amelia right away, then she wouldn't be resenting me right now. I shouldn't have left her alone. I should have been there for her. I knew she'd break down, but I left her alone anyway. I shouldn't have left you with her. She's not your responsibility."

"Derek, you were only doing your job. Amelia was in surgery; you couldn't have possibly told her then for the sake of another person's life," Meredith said softly, rubbing his back gently, "I was his doctor too, and I was a distraction for you. We shouldn't have been on the case together. This is why I can't come back to neuro, Derek. I distract you, and I should have paged you instead of taking care of the bleeder on my own. I probably screwed up." She suddenly felt really bad as a sense of guilt lingered within her. What if she really had done something wrong? What if it was her fault that he was brain dead in the first place? She wasn't a neurosurgeon. She wasn't even a neuro fellow. She'd left neuro for a reason, and this was that reason. Deep down, she wondered if Derek did blame her, but he didn't want to admit it for fear of confessing they really couldn't work together.

"It would have been too late," Derek said. "You had to do what you did, otherwise he would have bled out on the table and his parents wouldn't have gotten to see him at all. You did the right thing, Mer. And you're not a distraction." He looked up at her for the first time since she'd arrived. His bright blue eyes shined as the light hit them. The red vessels in his eyes showed vibrantly. She could tell he'd been crying.

"I'm not buying that," Meredith said. "We were both joking around."

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me you don't joke around in the OR in your other surgeries," Derek said. "How often does a surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial go from start to finish without the doctors getting distracted by outside conversations, Meredith? Don't put this on you. It's all me." He took his last sip of Scotch and rested his head against her shoulder. She held him, the lingering scent of alcohol rose through her nostrils. Her stomach tightened; the booze scent was almost nauseating. It'd been so long since she'd had hard liquor. It was before Bailey was born. She'd acquired a taste for wine after her pregnancy. The alcohol content wasn't as high, and it didn't leave her feeling as crappy the day after.

"Der," she whispered. "We should get out of here." He didn't respond. His head was resting on her breast now, and she figured he was enjoying that. "Derek." She shook him, but he didn't move. Her heart raced. "DEREK!" she yelled, and finally Derek snorted, shook his head and lifted his head off her chest.

"Huh?"

"Let's go," she said and looked at Joe. "I'm so sorry about him. Did he pay you?"

"Really, it's fine, and it's taken care of," Joe laughed.

Meredith's face froze, confused. "I don't follow. What's so funny?"

"Meredith Grey's all grown up. It wasn't too long ago you were the one being escorted out of this bar," Joe replied. Meredith's eyes widened as she took her husband's hand and helped him balance on his feet then escorted him out of the bar. His feet were all over the place, and he couldn't walk in a straight line to save a life. She supported his arm and back as they walked out of the bar. He let go of her and started wobbling toward his car, which Meredith realized was parked just in front of the bar. How had she even missed that?

"Derek, what do you think you're doing?" Meredith asked sternly.

"Going home," Derek said confidently.

Meredith laughed. "Oh, you're not driving _anywhere_, Dr. Derek Shepherd."

"Okay, then we can take your car," Derek said, looking around unsteadily, seeming to be seeking out her car, which was on the other side of the road.

"You're not going home like this," Meredith said. "You're too drunk, and I don't think you want Danielle to think you're a lush. It's going to take at least five hours to sober you up. It'll be like six in the morning by then, so we're not going home."

"Mmm," Derek mumbled, coming back toward her and putting his arms around her. "I thought her name was Danika?"

"Danika - whatever. You know what I mean," Meredith rolled her eyes. His hands formed tightly around her ass, and Meredith's eyes widened. "_Somebody's _feeling a bit frisky, huh?"

He laughed. "Where are we going, then?" Derek asked; he rocked her back and forth wobbly. Her head was now spinning. He pulled her closer to him, and their faces were practically against each other. The stench of Scotch lingered in Meredith's nose. She exhaled slowly and contemplated.

"I have an idea," she said hesitantly.

It wasn't the best idea, but it would work for the time being.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I really wrote this chapter to show how far MerDer have come as a couple. We've never really seen Derek allow Meredith to comfort him, which is something I'd like to see. They've come so far in the last couple seasons.**


	29. Chapter 29

The hospital hallways were a ghost town at two in the morning. Meredith hoped that they wouldn't run into anyone. Unless there was a trauma, the residents would all be nestled in their on-call rooms asleep, and the attendings would all be at home. In an ideal world, no one would have to see them creeping through the hallways.

But then there was Jackson Avery.

She was holding tightly onto Derek's arm as they were walking toward an on-call room on the second floor, Room 2B, which she hoped would be empty. It was the on-call room she and Derek had most frequented during her residency days on the nights he would stay late even when he wasn't on-call, just so they could have some time alone.

"What are you two doing here so late?" Jackson asked suspiciously, studying Meredith and Derek, and before Meredith could come up with an excuse, Jackson's eyes widened. "Is that Scotch? You're drunk, Dr. Shepherd."

"Shhh," Meredith hissed. "What are you doing here anyway? Should you be with April riding the carnival?"

"The carnival?" Jackson froze, and Meredith realized he wasn't in on the carnival joke, but it didn't take long for him to get what she was saying. "Oh, _the carnival. _I would love to be riding the carnival right now with April, but I had a surgery that ran late. I just left the OR now, and I was heading home."

"Then go," Meredith growled, "and not a word to anyone about this, okay?" Jackson laughed, and Meredith shrieked, "This isn't funny!" Derek stumbled over her feet and pushed her against the wall. She just rolled her eyes and didn't even try to escape as her husband's body pressed against hers. His arms were iceberg cold, and her nose crinkled as his alcohol-wreaking breath brushed across her face. Jackson continued to laugh. Meredith clenched her fists together.

"I'm sorry, really I am," Jackson apologized. "It's just, I thought _you _were the alcoholic, Mer."

She gasped. "Okay, I was _never _an alcoholic, so let's get that clear real fast."

"You did used to drink a lot," Derek's words slurred as he spoke.

"Okay, you, hush, because you have no room to talk right now. I happen to be completely sober right now." Meredith breathed on her husband's face. "You, on the other hand, are wasted."

"I not wasted," Derek slurred in a high-pitched voice, as if he was three years old again.

"Okay, ZoZo, if you say so. Now, let's get you to bed. It's past your bedtime, Lovebug," she spoke as if she were talking to her three-year-old daughter then grabbed Derek's arm and pulled him toward the on-call room. She reached for the door and pulled it open, soon to be alarmed by what she would see. Leah Murphy's screams bellowed through the doorway and Meredith slammed the door shut, trying to block the images of a naked Leah Murphy and Shane Ross out of her head. "Don't ever ask me what I saw in there," she muttered; Derek's drunk gaze was on her, and his eyes twitched as she pulled him away from the door. She hoped the on-call room on three would be clear.

She knew there was no way Derek would survive the stares, so she dragged his body to the elevator.

The elevator door open, and she guided him in. Once the door closed, he turned toward her and pressed her against the wall. She gasped, his arms enclosed her tightly, and her eyes closed when he pressed his lips against hers. The taste of Scotch tantalized her taste buds. She had never been a Scotch drinker, but she was used to tasting it second-hand from Derek; it generally was his beverage of choice when they went to the bar. He moved his arms down her waist and she gently kissed him back. He broke their kiss and gazed with love into her eyes. Drunk Derek still had a dreaminess about him that was well capable of wooing Meredith. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. She ran her finger over his face, which was stubbly. He rubbed his face against her cheek, and the stubbles gently scratched her. She pressed her lips against his forehead tenderly.

"Drunk Derek is a horny Derek," Meredith teased, preferring horny drunk Derek over angry drunk Derek.

"Mmm," he murmured and kissed her lips again, grasping her waist tightly and pulling her close to his body, their lips moved moved in rhythm. Meredith's head buzzed in euphoria, savoring the moment alone with her husband, even if he was extremely drunk. She couldn't remember the last time she and Derek had made out in an elevator. It was, after all, the first place they'd made out after their one-night stand. The elevator had always been a special place to them. It had been how Derek had gotten her to talk to him when she was avoiding him after the whole Addison incident. It's where they'd rekindled their relationship. It also happened to be where he proposed to her. This elevator would always be a special part of their relationship.

Derek still had his tongue half-way down her throat when the elevator door opened.

"Well, it's been a long time since I've walked in on you two." Meredith's heart nearly jumped out of her chest as she separated her lips from Derek's and saw Richard Webber entering the elevator. She grabbed Derek's hand and dragged him toward the exit. "If I'd known you were on call tonight, Grey, I would have had you monitor my patient so I could go home."

"I'm not on call!" replied Meredith hastily.

"You don't look so hot, Shepherd. You all right?" Webber's attention refocused to Derek. "Are you _drunk_? You are drunk. I know drunk when I see drunk. I spent many, many years looking like you do right now."

"Come on, Derek," Meredith insisted, dragging her husband toward the on-call room. His balance was steadier now, but she knew he had no chance of passing a straight-line test if he was asked to do one.

She knocked on the on-call room before opening the door. When there was no answer, she opened the door to, fortunately, find it empty. The second she closed the door, Derek took off his shirt. His eyes focused on her shirtless husband, and she couldn't help but want him. He flew himself at her and pressed his lips against hers. He folded his tongue into hers and a moan escaped her mouth. Her heart rate quickened and her breathing became heavier, then she broke the kiss.

"Derek, you are drunk," she said flatly.

"So?" Derek laughed and folded his fingers into hers; they fit just perfectly.

"And I would hate to take advantage of my drunk husband while I'm completely sober," Meredith insisted, smirking teasingly as she leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"I've taken advantage of you plenty of times when you were drunk and I was perfectly sober," Derek chuckled and pulled her closer to him. and Meredith knew he was right. They never had figured out who had taken advantage of whom on that fateful night they'd met on the bar. "Remember Izzie's party?" Derek whispered in her ear. The party itself was hazy, but Meredith would never forget Miranda Bailey finding her and Derek in his car in her driveway. It was the kind of thing you never forgot. Bailey was the first person to find out she was the intern banging her boss, and Bailey hadn't let her live it down.

Meredith inhaled through her nostrils and shook her head, giggling as she gazed into her husband's dreamy, drunk eyes. She reached over to the door, to make sure it was locked, then wrapped her arms around Derek. "Okay, Dr. Shepherd, let me take advantage of you," she giggled, and he lifted her off the ground and bouncily carried her over to the bed. She lay on top of him and kissed his neck. He moaned as her kisses moved down to his chest and she unbuttoned his pants. His hands playfully worked their way under her shirt and she removed her shirt.

"Wallet," he moaned as she worked his pants off. "Condom."

She felt the huge bulge in his back pant pocket, where his wallet was located. She took it out and opened it to find, just as Derek had said, a condom. Meredith smiled, feeling proud that even when he was drunk, Derek was always thinking of her. She could feel his erection pressing against her leg, and he was fidgeting with her jean button and couldn't seem to get it unbuttoned.

"You are so drunk," she laughed, and she unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off, piling them on top of Derek's jeans.

She positioned herself on top of him as became one. She enjoyed being in control, although she liked when he was in control too. Derek often joked that he liked to be in control in the bedroom since he didn't have control over much else. She insisted that wasn't true. After all, she'd let him build the house on his own with barely any complaints. He told her that didn't count.

Her body bursted with pleasure as she climaxed and collapsed on top of Derek's chest.

"Mmm," Derek whispered. "You should take advantage of me more often."

"Well, I hope you won't make getting drunk without me a habit," Meredith replied, rolling her eyes.

"One of us has to be the sober one to make sensible decisions for the sake of our kids," Derek laughed. "And I'd prefer it be you. You're sexy when you're sober."

"I'm not sexy when I'm drunk?" Meredith asked inquisitively.

"Well, you're sexy when you're drunk too," Derek replied. Meredith rolled her eyes and kissed his forehead. She slowly inhaled through her nose. She had gotten used to the scent of booze on his breath, so it didn't bother her anymore. His skin radiated against hers as positioned herself next to him. He draped his arm across her. She snuggled close to him. They had both set aside the real reason Derek was drunk; the real reason he had been driven to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Although, it was clear Derek hadn't forgotten. She turned toward him and observed the lingering sadness beneath his eyes.

"Your sister will be okay," she whispered. "I have a good feeling that she will be okay."

"I hope you're right," was all Derek said before he closed his eyes. Meredith closed hers too and soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>The notification from her phone woke her before she had the chance to enter REM sleep. She reached over Derek and pulled her phone out of her jean pocket. The light from the phone burned her eyeballs as the words from the text slowly came into focus.<p>

_James's room - STAT_, she read the message from Stephanie. Her heart pounded against her chest. It wasn't a 911 page, but Meredith had a feeling this couldn't be good. Had James taken a turn for the worse?

"Mmm, what is it, Mer?" Derek groggily mumbled without opening his eyes.

Meredith rolled over top of him and landed her feet on the ground. She dressed herself. "Just go back to sleep, Derek. I'll take care of it."

"Mmm," Derek murmured and didn't protest as Meredith fled the on-call room.

Meredith put on a pair of fresh scrubs and stormed into James's room, where she found Edwards apparently reading a magazine. "What is it?" she asked Stephanie. She looked at James's monitors, noticing they seemed stable. He wasn't crashing. "Is everything okay? Have his STATs slipped?"

Stephanie set down the magazine and walked over to the head of James's bed. "Dr. Grey, you have to see this," she said, taking out a small flashlight. She opened James's eyelids, motioning for Meredith to come over toward her. Meredith watched James's eyes as Stephanie shined the light over James's eyes. "That's a pupillary response, right?" Meredith watched as James's pupils became smaller when the light was hovered over his eyes, something that hadn't happened before; it was the first sign of brain activity. Meredith's heart was racing with anticipation.

"It is," Meredith gasped with complete and total shock. "Oh, my Gosh. Edwards, order a CT and an MRI. We need to run more tests. I think...I think this treatment is working." She looked at the heat lamp that was glowing against James's skin. Had Meredith just saved James's life?

She went with Stephanie to do the scans. She thought of calling Derek, but she imagined that he needed all the sleep he could get to sleep off the hangover he would more than likely have today.

Meredith's mind was boggled when she looked at the scans and compared them to his scans from just twelve hours earlier. The improvement was clearly visible. Characteristical activity in James's brain was clearly present. Further tests indicated that he was minimally conscious, which meant there was hope. The treatment was working.

She and Edwards took James back to his room at eight o'clock. _Shit_, Meredith realized, looking at her phone. She hadn't called the babysitter to tell her that she'd be back, and the girl had said she had a midterm that morning. Meredith's heart raced.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Stephanie was asking her as Meredith was worrying about her children. She scrolled through her phone and was thankful when she realized she did have _Danika_'s number listed. She sent her a text. _Everything okay? Sorry that I didn't get in touch with you. Derek or I will be back to the house soon. _

When she didn't get an immediate response, Meredith started to worry.

"Uh, we're going to do nothing for now. The treatment is working, so we're going to keep doing what we're doing, and we're going to monitor him closely. If his parents show back up, we're going to keep them up-to-date on his condition." As far as she knew, the Petersons had found a hotel room. They'd discussed spending the night, but they'd agreed it was too hard to see their son in his current condition. They said they'd be back in the morning.

"Okay, well, I've been on-call for two nights in a row, and I'm exhausted. I was kind of hoping to go home and take a shower and freshen up," Stephanie said.

"Then go," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'll take care of him." Stephanie darted out of the room.

First, Meredith needed to wake up Derek.

She headed back to the on-call room, where she found Derek still asleep. She shook him by the shoulder. "Derek, wake up," she growled, then shook his head. "Wake the hell up." Derek opened his eyes and looked straight at her. His eyes were red and matted, and she was most definitely certain she was hungover.

"Mer?" he mumbled groggily, rubbing his eyeballs.

"Okay, we dropped the ball again and now I can't get in contact with the babysitter, which means one of us needs to go to the house right now." Derek appeared to only be half-listening to her. He yawned, and Meredith could smell the stench of his body odor in the air. "And judging by the look of you, it's going to me." She squinted. "You can take a shower here."

Derek groaned. "But this is where the smelly interns shower. Mer, I can go home and take care of the kids. I'm fine? See." He slid off the bed and stood parallel to her.

"No, you stay here, and you used to bang a smelly intern every day, and you never complained then. There's nothing wrong with the hospital showers, now I have to go." He leaned over to try to kiss her, but she backed away. "Oh, and brush your teeth too. You do have a toothbrush here, right?"

"Mmm, in my office," he said.

"Great," Meredith said, and she turned around and halted. She remembered what had happened the day before when she'd used Derek's computer. She'd been instructed not to tell her husband. She sighed, "Derek, there's something I have to tell you." She didn't turn around, though. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I love you, and because of that, I won't be able to live with myself if I don't tell you this."

"That doesn't sound good," observed Derek. "Go on."

"You're being spied on," she said flatly.

"What?" Derek instantly questioned.

"You heard me. You're being spied on. The NIH is lying about not being able to see you. They can see you. They're watching your every move," she said.

"Do I want to ask how you know this?" her husband inquired.

"It's a long story, well not that long, but don't undress in front of your webcam," she said and took another step out the door. "Oh, there's one more thing."

"Huh?"

"James's treatment is working," Meredith exhaled slowly. "He needs to be monitored at least every hour. Edwards left because she needed to _freshen _up. So, once you're cleaned up, do you think you can handle that? I shouldn't be gone longer than three hours." She factored in the amount of time it would take her to drive to the house, get the kids ready, and drive them back to daycare. She wasn't factoring in the amount of time it would take her to bitch out the babysitter for not responding to her text messages.

"Wait," Derek said, and she could feel him walk closer to her. She turned around. "You said the treatment is _working_?" Her husband's bright blue eyes lit up.

"That's what I said," Meredith said. "It's working. He has a pupillary response, and I did an MRI and a CT. His brain is showing signs of activity, Derek."

Derek's eyes lit up with pride. "Wow, you really are a genius," he smiled widely.

Meredith laughed. "Oh, I know," she winked confidently and left the on-call room.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Happy Mother's Day Weekend, everyone! I hope you enjoy this Mommy Mer filled chapter. Also, I want to point out that I initially said that I would be following along the line of season 10B's storyline. Well, with the MerDer curveball we were thrown last night, I've changed my mind. Plus, I already have the rest of this story planned in its entirety, so Derek won't be offered a job in D.C. Also, when I said it would follow 10B's storyline, I had NO idea Amelia would return for real. (Though, wouldn't it be crazy if James actually turned up in the season finale and this happened?). Also, I've decided Cristina WON'T be leaving in this story. It's already painful enough that we have to watch her exit on the show. I don't think it's right that I should make you go through that in this story too. There's already enough drama going on. So this entire fic is basically an alternate 10B.**

* * *

><p>Meredith's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach when she opened the front door to find her living room looking like chaos. It looked like a tornado had swept through the room. Toys were scattered <em>everywhere<em>. Her heart pounded vigorously in her chest. "Have I been robbed?" Meredith yelled, though she released a sigh of relief when she saw her daughter running toward her with a joyous smile on her face. What Meredith couldn't figure out: Why was she dressed in her purple striped bathing suit?

Zola widely spread her arms opened and wrapped them around her mother. "Mommy!" she chimed. Meredith picked up Zola and then froze when she saw the woman holding her son wasn't the babysitter she'd left her kids with the night before. Meredith didn't know what to think or how to react when she saw Amelia holding Bailey. Her jaw dropped as she carefully studied her sister-in-law..

"What are you doing here?" were the first words that escaped Meredith's mouth. She didn't intend to sound harsh, but her blood was boiling as she recalled the night she'd had. It only nine hours ago that she had found her husband drunk at Joe's Bar. Her husband, who seldom got drunk enough for it to have a real effect on him, was in a sunken state of blame, worry, and depression because he didn't know where his little sister was. He'd immediately assumed the worst. Meredith figured she had every right to be a little upset right now, because clearly, Amelia had been fine all along. Instead of letting them know that, though, she had selfishly ignored her brother's attempts to contact her. Meredith extended her arms and took Bailey out of his aunt's arms.

"Mama!" Bailey cooed. She hugged her son close to her body and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.

"Oh, my gosh. You're never going to believe what Bailey did." Amelia's eyes were wide, as she seemingly avoided Meredith's initial question. Meredith's face was frozen.

"Did you walk without furniture for Auntie Amy, Bailey-boo?" she asked her son. He giggled as she tickled his chest gently.

Amelia's eyes widened. "Of course you know. I should have known."

"Daddy hasn't seen you walk yet, has he?" she asked Bailey, whose eyes were widely focused on his aunt Amelia.

"Daddy doesn't know Bailey can walk," Zola chipped in. "I keeped it a secret!"

"Good girl, Zozo," Meredith laughed, but her smile quickly diminished as she made eye contact with her sister-in-law. Amelia still hadn't answered her question. "What happened to the babysitter?"

"Oh, I told her to go home," replied Amelia confidently. "I got here about six in the morning and found her pretty pissy. She said you and Derek had vanished without a trace. I admit, I was a little worried. I figured you guys just got tied up at the hospital, though, so I was gonna get the kids ready and take them to daycare so I could track you guys down."

"Oh, you've _got _to be kidding me," Meredith scowled. She was absolutely livid. Who the hell did Amelia think she was? "Did you ever _once _stop to think that maybe your brother was worried sick about you? Did it cross your mind to, I don't know, call him? Return his calls and texts? He called the fucking morgue. He thought you were _dead_, oh and get this. I found him at the bar _completely wasted _last night, because he was worried sick about _you_ and blaming himself if something happened to you. Did that ever cross your mind? Where the _hell _were you?" Meredith's ears rang after she finished her bellow. She took a deep breath, and then the baby in her arms started to cry. "Crap," Meredith mumbled and cradled her son, rubbing his back gently. "It's okay, baby. Mommy's sorry for yelling." Tears still streamed down her little boy's face. She flashed a glare at Amelia, who stood dumbstruck, lost for words.

Meredith noticed the fear in her three-year-old's eyes as she ran out of the room. Meredith chased after her son in her arms. Zola ran into her room and slammed the door in her mother's face. _She's too young to be doing that, _Meredith thought.

"Don't yell, Mommy!" Zola cried.

"Zo," Meredith said calmly, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm not mad at you, sweetie. Open the door." Then she remembered Derek hadn't installed locks on the kids' rooms. _You'll thank me for this one day, _he'd told her, when she had asked him why there weren't locks on the kids' rooms. She didn't understand then, because she'd always had a lock on her door when she was growing up. Though, her mother had never been home. On the many nights Meredith spent in her childhood home alone, she would always lock her bedroom door. It made her feel safer. That way, if a bad guy broke into her house, at least they wouldn't be able to get inside her bedroom. Meredith hoped her children would never have to endure the fear of being home alone that she had.

When Zola didn't answer the door, Meredith slowly turned the knob and the door opened. Zola was lying in her bed, still in her swimsuit, cuddling her favorite penguin stuffed animal. She looked so innocent as she looked up at her mother. Meredith set her son on the ground. He immediately used his hands to balance himself on his two feet, proudly taking advantage of his newly learned skill. Bailey walked over to the edge of his sister's bed and reached for Zola. Zola set the penguin down and leaned over and tried to pick him up. Meredith smiled weakly as she saw her daughter struggle to lift her brother. Meredith supported her son's back and helped him onto the bed. She set him next to his sister and took a seat next to Bailey. She extended her arm around her two children.

"Mommy, are you mad at Auntie Amy?" Zola asked innocently.

Meredith took a deep breath. "No, sweetie," she said, then looked up and saw Amelia standing in the doorway. "I'm not mad at your Aunt Amy."

"Then why were you yelling? I don't like it when you yell," Zola said softly. "It hurted my ears."

"I know, sweetheart. I shouldn't have yelled. I won't do it again, okay?" Meredith promised her daughter, knowing she needed to be more conscious about what she said around the kids. It was a work-in-progress, and she was usually pretty good about not fighting in front of Zola and Bailey. She and Derek had done a good job at arguing after the kids were in bed, and in low voices. Zola wasn't used to hearing them yell, and she didn't want either kids to grow up listening to them yell. Meredith could still remember listening to her parents scream at each other when they thought she was asleep. It was impossible to sleep when your parents were in the next room yelling each other's heads off.

"Promise?" Zola asked, sticking her lip out.

"I promise," Meredith said. Zola stuck her pinky out and made Meredith pinky promise her. Meredith locked her pinky with Zola's tiny one. "Now, want to tell me why you're wearing a swimming suit, Miss Zola?"

"I wanna go swimming!" Zola giggled. Derek had talked about building an in-ground pool in the backyard, but he hadn't gotten around to it. Meredith was also hesitant about having a pool when the kids were so young. She wanted them to learn how to swim, but she was especially worried about them wandering into the pool by themselves before they learned how to swim. Derek had blueprinted a layout, which included a childproof gate. The childproof gate eased Meredith's mind, but it seemed like Derek wasn't going to get around to it this year, especially now that he'd taken his new job. If he built the pool at the rate he built the house, it would be a good two or three years before he got around to it. By then, Zola and Bailey could both take swimming lessons at the YMCA.

"It's too cold outside to go swimming," Meredith pointed out to Zola. Last summer, Zola and Sofia had gone swimming several times at a local outdoor swimming pool. They'd loved it.

Zola stuck her lip out. "I wanna go swimming."

"I know, Zozo, but we can't always get what we want, can we?" Meredith looked up at Amelia, whose hand was rested on her swollen pregnant belly. "Zo, Mommy has to get back to work, so you need to get dressed in actual clothes. Then you can go see Sofia."

"And Blake?" Zola's eyes widened, and Meredith's stomach tightened.

"I don't know, sweetheart," Meredith said, telling the truth. She wasn't about to lie to her daughter. Zola deserved to know the truth. Meredith didn't know where Izzie was, nor that the police contacted her about Izzie's whereabouts. That meant, either Alex had gone to the police and done the right thing, or the police _had _found Izzie. Meredith hadn't had time to watch the news, nor had she spoken to Alex since before she'd left the hospital the evening before.

Zola frowned. "I want to see Blake," she said.

"I know," Meredith said, "but we can't always get what we want."

Zola crossed her arms, and Bailey leaned up against his sister. He put his hand on Zola's arm, and to Meredith's surprise, Zola wrapped her arm around her brother and kissed him.

"You two are too cute," Amelia smiled widely; it was the first she'd spoken since Meredith had blown up at her in the living room. She made eye contact with Meredith, but Meredith didn't say anything. Meredith kept one eye on her kids as she went over to Zola's closet.

She pulled out two of Zola's favorite dresses. "Zo, which one do you want to wear?"

Meredith wasn't surprised when Zola pointed to the purple one.

"Now get out. I get dressed by myself," Zola said, sliding off the bed. Meredith took Bailey off the bed before he had the chance to fall off.

Meredith laughed at her daughter's preciousness. "Okay, Zo. You get dressed all by yourself." She left Zola's room with Bailey and Amelia.

"You're really good with her," Amelia commented. "You're a really good mom."

"Oh, stop kissing my ass," Meredith said in a low voice, fully intending to keep her promise to Zola. She would not yell at Amelia.

"I-I'm not. I mean it," Amelia said with wide eyes. Meredith rolled her eyes and didn't respond. She wasn't buying it. "Look, I should have called Derek, I know, but I needed some time. And, actually, I came out here with full intentions of talking to Derek."

"You came out here today with full intentions of talking to Derek?" Meredith asked. She sat on the couch with a squirming Bailey. He was eager to move, though she was worried to let him go now that he had two legs to get him into trouble. He could move twice as fast as before. She decided to set him in his playpen and handed him a stuffed bear.

"I did," Amelia replied. "I wanted to apologize for yelling at him and everything." She exhaled, turning away from Meredith. "He was right not to tell me about James." Meredith noticed Amelia's puffy eyes, like she was fighting tears.

"Well, I'm glad you realize that," Meredith responded. "We just wanted to know his condition before we told you, and we didn't want to tell you when you were in the middle of your surgery."

"I know," Amelia said. "I get it. You know, I was thinking...this happening, as morbid as it sounds, is really the best thing that _could _have happened. I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell James I was pregnant and the baby wasn't his. Now, I'm not going to have to do that. It's horrible, and you probably think I'm being really selfish right now, because I am. I mean, I'm still going to have to break the news to his parents. It's going to break their hearts."

Meredith bit her lip. Oddly enough, as selfish as Amelia seemed right now, everything she said was painfully correct. Although, what she didn't know was there was a chance James could get better. There was a chance that he might wake up. Meredith wasn't prepared to tell her the _bad _news.

"Right, you think I'm selfish," Amelia sighed.

"Yeah, I do, but I get where you're coming from," Meredith told her. "Now, where the hell were you last night?"

Silence. Amelia still avoided making eye contact with Meredith. "I came back here, but obviously you guys were still at the hospital, so I decided to go on a walk. The urge to drink or swallow pills was tugging at me, but…" Amelia peered down at her belly and exhaled. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let myself cave after being clean for two years, so I wandered around the woods for a while...just to clear my head. Amazingly, it worked. Addie told me about the time she got poison oak or something in her lady parts, so I was a little leery at first; but I didn't see any poison oak. I wonder if Addison made the whole thing up now."

Meredith laughed. She'd heard about Addison getting poison oak. She didn't say anything, though. "I guess running off to the woods runs in your family," Meredith said flatly.

"Huh?" Amelia's face rattled with confusion as she finally made eye contact with Meredith.

"Oh, never mind," Meredith shook her head. Amelia didn't need to hear about how her brother's depression had once lead him to run off to his trailer in the woods.

Amelia rubbed her eyes with her hands. Her eyes were gushing red. She inhaled, "I came across Owen's trailer. Derek's old one, I guess. I didn't know he lived in it. The door was unlocked, so I went inside. Owen came home shortly after, and he invited me to stay."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "You spent the night with Owen?"

"Chief Hunt, whatever you call him, yeah, I did," Amelia replied. "I slept on his couch. It was no biggie. Nothing happened. He just listened, and he was actually really understanding. How is a guy like him living all the way out here in the woods and not somewhere with a house with a wife and full of kids?"

Meredith bit her lip. Clearly, Amelia didn't know about Owen and Cristina, and she wasn't going to tell her. She wasn't pissed because Amelia had spent the night with Owen. In fact, it was a good thing she had. She was _not _happy that Owen had neglected to contact her or Derek, like he said he would.

"Look, don't be mad at Owen because he didn't let you know I was there." Amelia appeared to be reading Meredith's mind. "I told him not to. He was going to, but I made him promise."

"Of course you did," Meredith rolled her eyes, just as her daughter eagerly came out of her room.

"Look, Mommy! I dressed myself!" Zola announced. Meredith studied her daughter, whose dress was on backwards. The zipper was in the front of the dress, and the big purple bow was in the back. Zola had recently learned how to use zippers, but she clearly wasn't able to zip from the back yet. Meredith still struggled to zip herself up.

"Come here, my little princess," Meredith smiled, and Zola ran over to her mother. Meredith helped Zola turn the dress around, so it was on correctly. Just as she'd finished helping Zola fix her dress, her phone buzzed. Meredith heart skipped a beat. How much time had passed? She reached for her phone to see the text was from Derek.

_JAMES IS AWAKE! _

"Oh, my God," Meredith mouthed. "Oh, _my _God!"

"What?" Amelia asked. "What is it? Is everything okay?"

Meredith closed her jaw tightly and looked back and forth between her kids and Amelia. She didn't know what to say. She hadn't even told Amelia about the treatment yet. How was she going to break the news to Amelia, when she was just going off about how _great _it was that she wouldn't have to tell James about the baby? She wondered if Amelia was aware of it, even. She seemed like a fairly well-versed surgeon, but this procedure was so new, she could believe Amelia hadn't heard about it. She thought James was brain dead. Nonetheless, Amelia needed to know. She needed to see James. And most importantly, she needed to tell him the truth. It was the right thing to do.

"We have to go to the hospital," Meredith said, knowing she couldn't just come out and tell Amelia that James was awake. There was no way Amelia would believe her, and if she did, Meredith sensed Amelia wouldn't willingly come along. "Now." She didn't know how to explain this to Amelia, but it was good news. No, it was great news. James was not only alive, but he was _awake. _The real question: Had his cognitive skills been affected? Was he experiencing any side effects? Only time would tell. She needed to get to the hospital.

"Is it bad?" Amelia asked, taking Bailey out of his playpen. "Like a major trauma?"

"Just get in the car," Meredith said, grabbing a pair of her daughter's cute dressy shoes. Zola loved to dress up like a princess, even on the days she was just going to daycare. Zola certainly looked like a little Cinderella right now. Thankfully, Zola didn't hesitate today when Meredith told her to put her shoes on. She and Amelia were able to get both kids into the car in under five minutes.

"Why won't you tell me what's going on?" Amelia asked as Meredith drove toward the hospital. "You're scaring me. Is everything okay with Derek? Just what I need now. Causing my own brother to have some manic breakdown. Though, he's Derek, the golden boy. Derek doesn't have breakdowns."

"Will _you _just shut up?" Meredith said harshly. Amelia gasped.

"It's not nice to say shut up, Mommy!" Zola scolded her mother.

"I mean be quiet," Meredith said in a calmer town, exhaling slowly.

"Much better," Zola said proudly.

"Apparently it's too much to tell me what the hell is going on," Amelia rolled her eyes. "Is it something to do with James? Are they unplugging him?" Meredith swallowed. "Oh, for God's sake, Mer. I can handle it."

"Are you sure? Because the last time we told you something you ran into the woods." Meredith didn't look at Amelia when she spoke, but she heard Amelia exhale loudly.

"You didn't…" Amelia mumbled. "Okay, maybe I deserved that."

"Yeah, you did," Meredith said. "Now, just shush and I'll explain everything when we get to the hospital."

She pulled into the hospital parking lot and Amelia helped her get the kids out of the car. Meredith carried Bailey, who was fighting her. He wanted down, and even though Meredith had been waiting for a long time for him to be able to walk, she wasn't comfortable with letting him down on his own quite yet in public.

Meredith was surprised when Derek met her and Amelia at the door. Derek, too, appeared surprised to see Amelia. Meredith hadn't informed him that she was at the house.

"Amelia Carolyn Shepherd," Derek said in a firm tone.

"She told the babysitter to go home," Meredith filled Derek in. "I found her at the house this morning."

"Did I just get middle named?" Amelia widened her eyes. "Well, it's nice to see you too, Derek. Glad you're not in a coma. Now, will you two tell me what is going on?"

Derek's eyes widened as he locked eyes with his wife for just a moment and then exhaled roughly as he turned to his sister. "Coma? Not funny, considering the circumstances." And he looked at Meredith. "You didn't tell her?"

"No, your wife won't tell me anything! I feel like Lucy on 7th Heaven! And I'm sorry," Amelia apologized, seemingly sincere. "Mer told me you called the morgue. I wish you had a little more faith in me, Derek."

"How am I supposed to have faith in you when you run off and don't respond to your phone calls? Amy, you want me to respect you, but you've done nothing to earn my respect," Derek spat.

"Dada," Bailey whimpered, reaching for his father. Zola hid behind Meredith, uncomfortable with her father's raised voice. Bailey was squirming in his mother's arms more viciously. Meredith kneeled down and let him out of her arms. Bailey was quick to balance onto his face and he walked steadily and swiftly toward his dad. "Dada!" he cooed again, reaching up his father's leg, cueing for Derek to pick him up. Derek's face froze and his blue eyes glowed.

"Did he just walk?" Derek gasped, his eyes widened as he leaned over and pick Bailey up. "Did my big boy just walk?" Bailey smiled and giggled, clapping in his hands. "When did this happen?" Derek shot a look at Meredith.

Meredith released a sigh. "Yesterday. If it's any consolation, I missed his first steps too. He took them in daycare."

"I'm missing everything!" Derek sighed, rubbing his son's back. "Okay, Bailey, you are _not _allowed to say your first full sentence unless I'm around, got it?"

"Go poopoo," Bailey giggled in response, and Derek's face lit up.

Amela reached out her arm and patted Bailey on the head. "Nice one, Bailey. Best first sentence ever." She turned to Derek. "Your son just told you to go poopoo.

Derek's nose suddenly creased with disgust. "No, I don't think so." He looked down at this son and the pitch in his voice increased as he spoke to his son, "You just went poopoo, didn't you, Bailey poo?"

"Well," Meredith sighed, "Why don't you go drop the kids off at daycare? I'll explain everything to your sister."

"_That _would be nice." Amelia rolled her eyes.

Derek extended his arm and Zola took her daddy's hand. Meredith walked with Amelia toward the elevator. He leaned in close to Meredith, to where his mouth hovered over his ear, and his hot breath pressed against her ear drum as he whispered, "His files are updated in the cloud. His parents were with him when I left."

Meredith nodded and whispered back, "Thanks." He kissed her cheek gently and took the kids toward the daycare. Meredith was left with Amelia, who was staring intently at her.

"You know, I really don't appreciate the hushed voices. I'm not one of your children. I'm a neurosurgeon. You don't have to keep secrets from me," Amelia said flatly.

Meredith walked with Amelia toward the elevator. "You're absolutely right," Meredith told her. "It's not right that I've not been forthcoming with you, and I'm sorry. It's just, I know this is going to be difficult for you to hear…"

"Oh, Gosh, can you go back to being the sister-in-law who doesn't give a rat's ass about me? Just cut to the chase already. I'm sure Derek has loaded your head with stories about how fragile I am. I'm not. I'm strong. I can handle anything." Amelia's voice was strong and full of forcefulness. Meredith exhaled.

"Okay," Meredith said. _Just don't go run off to the woods again, _she thought and bit her tongue. "It's James."

"Well, it didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure that out," Amelia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"He's awake." As the words escaped Meredith's lips, she watched Amelia's jaw drop almost instantaneously. Amelia's face froze and the elevator dinged to signal they'd arrived at the floor of James's room. The silence was eerie. Amelia didn't move when the elevator door opened and Meredith stepped out. She turned around and watched Amelia stare blankly back at her. Finally, she lifted a leg and stepped out of the elevator. She looked down at the floor and then back at Meredith.

And then she stuttered, "H-How?"

Meredith inhaled a breath of stale air. "Have you ever heard of light treatments?"

"You mean like light therapy for depression?" Amelia asked. "Okay, you've completely lost me."

Meredith on to explain the case in Japan to Amelia. She could tell Amelia was dumbfound, which meant she hadn't heard of the case before.

"Okay, and are you sure you're not a neurosurgeon?" Amelia spat. "Because I've never heard of any of this, and I'm a neurosurgeon, so that means you're doing more reading on neuro than I am. There's definitely something wrong with this picture."

"It was in an email digest," Meredith retorted.

Amelia didn't look convinced. They were just a few feet away from James's room when Amelia stopped. She stared blankly into James's room. "Oh, God," she gasped. "What am I going to do?" She stared with wide, frightened eyes toward Meredith. "You need to tell me what to do now, Mer."

Meredith shrugged. "You know I can't do that," she said flatly. "It's not my place to tell you what to do. You got yourself into this position, so you have to get yourself out."

"Okay, you've been married to my brother for too long, because that's something he would have totally said," Amelia rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to be my sister-in-law. Addison always told me what to do."

"You just told me to go back to the sister-in-law who didn't care a rat's ass. So, I'm guessing you didn't like Addison telling you what to do," Meredith retorted dully. She clenched her fists together. She wasn't too fond of Amelia comparing her to Derek's ex-wife.

"You've got a point," Amelia mumbled. She exhaled and her eyes pointed toward the door. "I have to tell him. It's simple. He deserves to know. It's the right thing to do." Meredith nodded in agreement. Amelia added, "And I'm sorry for comparing you to Addison. You must hate me for that."

"I don't hate anyone," Meredith insisted. She'd never considered her a _hateful _person, though she was sure there was a point she _did _hate Addison. She'd taken her McDreamy, her McDog, and her McLife. Now, Meredith had all that...well, except the dog.

"I can do this," Amelia inhaled a deep breath.

"You don't want me to go in with you?" Meredith inquired.

"I think this is something I need to do on my own," Amelia told her, and she walked into James's room. Meredith stood outside the door. Inside, she could see James fully awake. He appeared to be talking his to his parents, which was a good sign. As Amelia went into the room, Meredith pulled up James's chart to look at the scans.

There were no signs of abnormalities, which meant the treatment had worked entirely.

She had done it. She had saved James's life. _It was because of Meredith that James was awake and talking right now. _She watched Amelia walk over to James's bed. James's face lit up at this sight of Amelia. Soon, she noticed his eyes focusing in on Amelia's baby bump, which was in clear sight. He extended his arm, which was still connected to an IV. His face showed joy when he placed his hand on Amelia's belly, but Amelia's eyes had welled with tears. She frowned as she appeared to be saying something to James. She continued to speak, like she was rambling, then all of a sudden James's smile draped. "WHO IS THE FATHER?" Meredith could hear him roar from outside of the room. He was shaking. "TELL ME NOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU." His face was blistered red as he demanded Amelia give him the name of the father. Amelia's face was frantic.

Meredith, worried for James's health, dashed into the room. "Mr. Peterson, you're going to need to calm down," she said as she could see James's heart monitor was beating faster.

"TELL…" his voice was hoarse as he gasped for air "ME… WHO… THE… FATHER… IS."

"James, deep breaths," Meredith said, concerned the stress could be too much for James in his current condition.

Amelia was sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't know," she said. "I don't know."

"WHO THE HELL DID YOU SLEEP WITH?" James roared. "WHO? TELL ME NOW." He was huffing out of control, sweat dripped from his pores, and tears gushed from his eyes as his parents stood in the corner of the room in shock.

"Jamie," his mother finally said quietly. "You need to calm down, baby. Anger won't do ya good. You're gonna cause yourself to have heart attack."

James's breathing slowed as his eyes stared coyly at Amelia. "Tell me," he whispered hoarsely.

"Cooper and Jake," she mouthed and ran out of the room.

James's heart monitor began beating in an erratic rhythm. His skin was deathly pale. He reached for his left arm as his eyes were glazing over. Two nurses dashed into the room. "PAGE CARDIO!" Meredith screamed at the top of her lungs.


	31. Chapter 31

**THREE WEEKS LATER**

"Shit," Meredith muttered in a hushed voice. "Shit, crap, shit. _Crap_."

Meredith's head throbbed with pain, and a sense of nausea poured through Meredith's body as it had on and off for the past week. If her suspicions were true, she knew she was not far enough along to be exhibiting symptoms. Hell, she had barely had any morning sickness with Bailey - she had even questioned if women _made up _morning sickness to gain sympathy. But now, she felt nauseous. If she _was _in fact pregnant, she knew she was only five weeks - still two weeks farther along than she was when she'd found out she was pregnant with Bailey. She'd found out she was pregnant with Bailey by pure accident, though. The last thing she had expected from her yearly physical was to be told she was pregnant.

She sat on the toilet with her legs spread apart, looking down at her bloodless panties. No woman actually looked forward to her period. When you were young, it was actually the biggest pain in ass, but as you grew older, you got used to it. You learned to expect it, and when you were sexually active and _not _trying to get pregnant, you embraced it. As women mature and become in touch with their bodies, they learn to sense their period coming on _before _their underwear turn into an absolute bloody disaster. Cramps came first, these sometimes came up to a week before any spotting actually occurred, then bloating. You bloat up like beach ball one to three days before the big day. The cramps and bloating she had endured all week had so far resulted in nothing, and puking was not helping either. She had gone up a jean size, but that wasn't anything new either. That was normal the week before her period.

Meredith was a doctor; she wasn't one of those silly teenaged girls who had to Google her symptoms or post on online forums asking if she could be pregnant. She wasn't stupid. She knew that she and Derek had taken a risk a few weeks earlier, so she knew the possibility was out there. Even so, no contraception was 100 percent accurate. Nonetheless, she knew there was only one way to know for sure, but she'd been holding off, waiting, and telling herself that it was just stress. She had been under an unusual amount of stress in the past weeks.

The past month had potentially been one of the most stressful months in a long time. Therefore, it was no wonder she was late. Stress could also factor into her nausea. When she was in school, she would throw up before every single test. Getting sick around test time was really her norm, so it really wasn't surprising that she'd gotten sick during her medical boards either.

Meredith's stomach twisted and turned. Vomit filled her mouth, so she quickly got off the toilet and she purged into it. "Crap!" she cried out again, wincing as she flushed the toilet; her voice echoed throughout the bathroom.

"You know, if you need a laxative, I can get you one." Meredith's jaw dropped when she heard Cristina Yang's voice. All this time, she'd thought she was alone in the bathroom. She buttoned her jeans, and she found Cristina Yang standing right outside her stall. "Are you okay?" Cristina studied her friend's face with concern in hers.

"Just peachy," Meredith responded, squirting some soap on her hand and then running over water her hands. She massaged the soap into her hands and rubbed them under the warm water.

"Oh, really. You don't look peachy," Cristina pointed out, studying Meredith's grim composure. "You've been distant lately, Mer. Is everything okay with your crazy sister-in-law?"

"She's not crazy." Meredith wasn't so sure why she was defending Amelia. Maybe it was because she still felt bad about how she'd treated Amelia. She'd been fairly rude to her that day. Maybe it was because Meredith blamed herself for what had happened.

"Oh, really?" Cristina laughed. "Did she not cheat on her boyfriend with two of her best friends' wives? Because that's the rumor going around the hospital."

"So? That doesn't make her crazy," Meredith said. "It's not our place to judge her choices."

"Okay, well, she's camping out on my ex-husband's couch, and she's not stepped foot in this hospital since that day other than to go to her gyno appointment, which she made a point _not _to cross paths with others during. Now, tell me _that _isn't a little crazy. I mean, kudos to Owen for offering, but really, Mer? The fact that she is completely avoiding you and Derek is a little weird. You have to admit that," Cristina insisted.

"Are you sure you're just not a little jealous?" Meredith inquired, hovering her hands under the blow dryer and the warm air blew against her skin; her hands dried instantly.

"Me? Jealous?" Cristina widened her eyes. "I'm not jealous of a junkie."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Meredith winked. "And she's not a junkie."

"Former junkie, whatever," Cristina shrugged. "You and Derek seriously haven't talked to her since that day?"

"She'll talk to us when she's ready," Meredith responded dryly. "I love you, Cristina, but I can't talk about the Amelia situation with you." There had been a time that she would have jumped at the chance to rant about her crazy sisters-in-law to Cristina. There had been a time that she told Cristina every thought that ran through her head and didn't think twice. Things _were _different now. Cristina was still her best friend, but Meredith now had an entire separate life. She had a life with Derek, and she knew that if she talked to Cristina about Amelia, then Cristina would say something to someone, either Owen or someone else, and word would either get back to Amelia or unnecessary rumors would start. The entire hospital was already talking about Derek's "crazy" sister, and Meredith wasn't willing to feed the rumor mill.

Cristina frowned. "We used to talk about everything."

Meredith ignored the comment. "Have you talked to Alex?" she asked, since Cristina was still his roommate. Meredith had barely spoken two words to Alex since their last encounter in the Attendings' lounge. She suspected he was angry with her, which he had every right to be. Izzie still hadn't turned up, even though Alex had tried to drop the charges. He'd insisted he was mistaken. The police still wanted to talk to Izzie, since there was a complaint, and then no one had heard from Izzie since. It looked suspicious, and even though Alex had said he was wrong, they still needed to do a thorough investigation. They'd issued an Amber alert for the vehicle Izzie had registered at her apartment complex, but there had been no sign of her or the vehicle.

"Hardly," Cristina responded. "He and Jo are always talking in hushed voices. However, that's nothing new. I have to admit, it must suck to be Jo. Kudos to her for standing by him. I wouldn't."

"Cristina!" Meredith gasped.

"I don't want kids." Cristina shrugged. "If I found out my boyfriend had planted his seed in another woman, I'd ditch him in a heartbeat."

"That's a little harsh," Meredith responded.

Cristina shrugged. "Although I guess it depends on the circumstance and how old the kid was. Obviously if the kid is old enough to take care of themselves, then it wouldn't be such a big deal."

"I'd stand by Derek," Meredith admitted.

"Well, you have to. You have two kids together," Cristina pointed out. _Maybe three. _Meredith closed her eyes and her head spun at the thought. Fortunately, since Amelia wasn't speaking to them, Meredith imagined that Amelia had dropped the idea of Derek and Meredith adopting her child. After all, Owen had wanted a child so bad - that's the whole reason he and Cristina hadn't worked out. Maybe Amelia had convinced Owen to adopt the kid. Owen barely spoke of Amelia other than to assure them that she was all right.

"I don't think I have to worry about that, though," Meredith said. "I mean, he was married to Addison for twelve years before we met, and he dated Addison for a while before that. And he's never mentioned any other women." _Other than Nurse Rose. _Meredith cringed at the thought of her husband's former fling. If Rose had been pregnant, though, it would have been all over the hospital. The nurses' station spread gossip faster than wildfires spread through fields.

Cristina laughed. "You've never exchanged virginity losing stories with Derek?"

Meredith widened her eyes. "No."

"Oh, my. Well, I know that Owen lost his virginity at the age of twenty-seven to a random woman in another unit. The other guys teased him because he was still a virgin. He didn't even know her name. Definitely made me feel better about losing my virginity at nineteen to my professor," Cristina laughed. "What do you and McDreamy talk about any way?"

"Work, kids, and most recently Hurricane Amelia," Meredith responded tartly. It was the truth.

"Before you had kids?"

"Oh, you know: TAT. Teratomas, aneurysms, and tumors. All sorts of fun stuff."

"Dang, and I thought I was the career-obsessed one." Cristina laughed.

"Ha, ha," Meredith mocked her friend. She exhaled slowly. She couldn't get her mind off the fact she was late. She was supposed to start a new pack this morning, but she hadn't. If she was in fact pregnant, she needed to take precautions. Termination had never been an option for her personally. She fully supported a woman's right to choose, but it was not a choice for her. It wasn't for religious or spiritual reasons, because she wasn't either, but she could never imagine terminating her child's life. She knew she and Derek were overwhelmed, but if she was pregnant, it was her own fault; and she would accept the consequences.

She was avoiding eye contact with Cristina while she'd become lost in her thoughts.

"You don't look okay," Cristina said. Meredith looked up and met Cristina's eyes.

"I need you to do me a favor," Meredith finally said. "And I need you not to make a sarcastic comment, or to tell anyone, especially Derek."

"Sounds like serious business. You name it, you got it," Cristina insisted.

Meredith bit her lip and finally said, "I need you to take a blood sample from me and label it as Jane Doe when you take it to the lab." Cristina's eyes widened, as if she was automatically assuming the worst.

"All right, um...well...do you want to tell me what to tell the lab to test for? You don't think you have cancer or something, do you?"

Meredith's jaw dropped. "God, no!" she gasped.

"Phew," Cristina exhaled. "You had me worried. Wait. Do you think you're pregnant?" Meredith curled her lip under her teeth. Cristina's eyes widened. "Ah. No sarcastic comment."

"Mhm," Meredith grunted. She and Cristina went into an empty exam room. Cristina tied a blue tourniquet around Meredith's left arm about four inches above her venipuncture site. She disinfected Meredith's arm with an alcohol wipe. Drawing blood was like riding a bike to Cristina, so Meredith didn't even feel the needle enter her vein.

"Would you like the Hello Kitty Band-Aid or the nude Band-Aid?" Cristina asked teasingly as she held both in her hands. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Not funny," she said, taking the tan-colored Band-Aid out of Cristina's hand and put it on the little puncture. She put her lab coat back on to cover the bandage. "Thanks."

Her phone buzzed. She exhaled with frustration when she saw the text was from Derek.

_Meet me in radiology. _She figured this meant Derek had scans he wanted to show her, which meant he was trying to get her in on yet another case of his. One had actually been a general case, and she'd gone along with that one. She still blamed herself for what had happened with James. After all, she had been the one to wake him up. He could have gone peacefully if it hadn't been for her. And then Amelia wouldn't be hibernating with Owen in Derek's trailer. The whole situation was screwy, and Meredith knew that it was all technically her fault.

"I've got to go," Meredith told Cristina, rolling her eyes.

"I'll take this sample to the lab and find you when the results come back," Cristina said.

"Thanks, you're a life saver. And not a word to anyone. I don't want this getting out," Meredith told Cristina.

"Who would I tell anyway? Alex isn't talking to me, Owen's got a new bestie, and that pretty much sums up my social circle," Cristina rolled her eyes. "I guess I could tell Shane." Meredith's eyes widened; Cristina shrugged. "It's not like he'd care."

"Cristina," Meredith hissed.

"Right. Not a word to anyone." Cristina gave her a thumbs up before the two parted.

* * *

><p>She found Derek looking at a spinal CT. She tried not to look at it, but she could tell it was a giant spinal schwannoma. Derek's face lit up when she entered the room. "Hey," he greeted her, extended his arm, and wrapped it around her waist. Her stomach rolled, but luckily, the nausea passed quickly. Despite her adamancy to avoid neuro after her last outcome, she couldn't keep her eyes off the tumor. The steps to remove it were playing through her brain, though it had been so long since she'd been so close to a spinal surgery.<p>

"So, you paged me to show me a spinal schwannoma," Meredith said as she observed the scan.

"You always did have an eye for my specialty," Derek chuckled.

"I left your specialty for a reason," Meredith said dryly, though her eyes locked on the scan.

"You miss it," Derek pointed out. "Maybe you don't miss me, but you miss neuro."

"I do not," Meredith assured him. "I don't miss killing people."

"You didn't kill James," Derek said softly. "The autopsy proved that his death was completely unrelated to your treatment. His heart had just sustained too much from the accident, and the added stress of Amelia's news on top of everything was too much for his weak heart."

"Which is my fault too," Meredith pointed out.

"Will you stop blaming yourself?" Derek asked, tightly embracing her as he brought his nose up to her hair. He leaned in and kissed to top of her ponytail. "Amy did this to herself. It's not your fault that my sister has made stupid choices." Meredith sighed, knowing he was right, though she still felt accountable. Amelia had asked her what to do, and Meredith had just let her go in without thinking twice. She knew Amelia was an adult and had made her choices. No one could have predicted James would literally have a heart attack and die.

"I just feel so bad for his parents," Meredith sighed. "I couldn't imagine being in their position. Could you? What if that was Bailey?"

"Mer, we can't think like that," Derek said, his eyes grimaced when Meredith mentioned their son. "Let's hope we never have to be in that position."

She nodded. "Let's hope," she mouthed. He held her tightly and she tried not to break down. The thought of her son being in the position James had been in was dreadful. She knew that she wouldn't have kept it together as well as Mr. and Mrs. Peterson had. She would have probably murdered Amelia. They'd left without even a word to her, though she hadn't given them a chance to find her. It was probably better that way.

"Look at this spinal schwannoma, though. It's massive." Derek changed the subject. "We're overdue for a date. OR 3, you in fresh scrubs, me in a ferryboat scrub cap. You in?"

"Well, this could take hours. What about the kids?" Meredith asked.

"That's the beauty of you and me in the same operating room. If we run late, one of us can leave while the other finishes. No searching the entire hospital to find the other. It's great, isn't it?" Derek grinned widely.

Meredith glared at him. "I know what you're doing," she said, and exhaled, "and it's working."

Derek gleamed with pride.

* * *

><p>"So, I have bad news," Derek began with after both had scrubbed, so he knew he had her all to himself and she wasn't going anywhere any time soon.<p>

"Oh, so you waited until I was locked in an OR to tell me? What, so I couldn't run away?" Meredith laughed as she focused intently on the spine. It had been so long since she'd hand her hands in a spine.

"Yup, I'm devious like that," Derek laughed. "But seriously, I have to go to D.C. tomorrow afternoon."

"What?" Meredith gasped. "I thought you were going to be traveling less."

"I haven't traveled in three weeks," Derek pointed out. "They still want me to come to D.C. at least once a month. It's the best they could give me for now, since there's still plenty they want me to present on in person. It's only for two days, Meredith. You'll be fine, and maybe you can get Amy to talk to you."

"Why would she talk to me?" Meredith asked. "She won't talk to you, and you weren't a complete bitch to her before this all went down, plus you're her brother. She has no reason to ever talk to me again, frankly. If she slammed the door in your face, I wouldn't expect any less from me. She'd probably shoot me with a BB Gun. I'm sure Owen has a few of those lying around. I better be careful, he might have a rifle or two in his trailer."

Derek burst into laughter.

"Oh, so your sister shooting me is funny?"

"No, no. Amy's a lot of things, but I don't think violent is one of them," Derek enlightened her.

"Oh, well, good to know," Meredith said. "Though, how well do you _really _know her? You've been absent from her life since you moved to Seattle, and that was seven years ago."

There was a pause before Derek said, "Good point." He sighed. "I'm just worried about her. She's slammed the door in my face once, and the other time Owen told me to go away. She barely knows Owen Hunt, yet she's talking to him, not her brother. It bothers me."

"And it has every right to bother you," Meredith assured Derek. "You should be pissed, but there's nothing you can really do about it. She sees something in Owen."

"You make it sound like they're a couple. Do you know something I don't?" Derek inquired.

Meredith was hesitant to respond, and then finally said, "Before everything went down, she made a comment about how she didn't know why Owen was still single."

There was a momentous silence, and then Derek replied, "Great, just great. And of course Owen has baby fever."

"It is why he and Cristina broke up…" Meredith trailed and shrugged, "I'm sure it's nothing, it's harmless. And if they are something, then we should be happy for them."

Derek scoffed. "It's Owen I'm worried about if they're together, not her. Look at what happened to her last boyfriend." Meredith froze as she could still picture James's frozen, pale corpse in her mind. Derek said, "My point exactly. Maybe I should have a talk with him."

"Maybe you shouldn't," Meredith said. "He knows about James. There's no way he can't know. It's not your place to butt in." She swallowed hard. "Look at what happened when we told Mark to stay away from Lexie."

"They ended up dead together on a plane," Derek said. Meredith looked up at him in shock. He shook his head. "That was a little insensitive."

She nodded. "Just a smidge."

"I still think you should go over there," Derek said. "It can't hurt, can it?"

"BB guns, Derek. Rifles. Don't forget…" Meredith winked.

"Right," Derek exhaled. "I just want to know she's alright. Owen isn't with her at all times, so who knows what she's doing when he's here. I'm sure he has alcohol in his trailer and who knows where she goes off to during the day. I've never seen her around here, and I'm sure I'd have heard if she was in the hospital. Seattle's a big city, Mer."

"It is," Meredith agreed. "But you have to trust that she's making the right choices. You know, she's not only making choices for herself. She's pregnant."

Meredith hadn't told him that Amelia had in fact been to the hospital the week prior for a doctor's appointment. Meredith herself hadn't found out until after the fact. She'd found out through Cristina, who had been called in to monitor the baby's heart rate to see if the condition had worsened. Cristina hadn't filled her in on the specifics, though, since legally she wasn't allowed to. Now that Izzie was AWOL, Amelia had been forced to see another gynecologist. According to Cristina, Amelia had butted heads with her.

"That doesn't mean anything," Derek said. "Pregnant women make stupid choices all the time too."

Meredith inhaled slowly. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll try to go over to the trailer and talk to her. But if I get shot, you're on your own."

"I'd really appreciate if you didn't joke about getting shot," Derek winced, and Meredith's heart ached as images of her hovering over her husband's pool of blood after he'd been shot flashed through her head.

"Derek, I'm sorry-I didn't mean to…" She wanted to hit herself in the head.

"I know. It's just you being dark and twisty," Derek said. "I'm used to it."

She looked up at the clock. It was quarter to six. The kids had already been in daycare an hour longer than she liked them to be.

"It's getting late," she observed. "You're the lead, so you should finish up. I'll go get the kids."

He nodded. "I'll be home as soon as I'm finished, then we can have a little fun before I leave tomorrow." He winked at her as she scrubbed out.

* * *

><p>"Mer!" Meredith whirled around at the sound of Cristina's voice. She immediately noticed that Cristina was holding an envelope. Cristina's voice hushed as she said, "I have your test results."<p>

Meredith ripped the results from Cristina's hands, and she braced herself as she tore the envelope open.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Pregnant? Not Pregnant? What's your verdict? **

**BTW, Cristina's exit last night was perfect. I especially loved her last words to Meredith. Also, Ellen and Patrick were on FIRE last night. Truly amazing acting. It was really what I've been waiting for all season. I'm also not very happy with Derek right now, but I will try not to reflect that in this story. **


	32. Chapter 32

Sometimes life throws you curveballs. You tell the McDonalds cashier that you want the girl toy, but low and behold, when your daughter opens her Happy Meal, she finds a Batman action figure instead of a My Little Pony doll.

"Shit!" Meredith gasped as she laid eyes on the results.

"You're pregnant?"

Meredith did not respond to the simple question. Her eyes glued to the paper, floored by the text she was reading. The paper didn't just have the pregnancy test results. Apparently, Cristina had taken the liberty of running a number of tests, so Meredith's eyes witnessed a series of data. Meredith had _not _asked her to do that, so she wasn't so sure why Cristina Yang had just spent thousands of dollars in medical tests on her without her consent. Meredith had thought she could trust Cristina to get the results she needed, but apparently, she was wrong.

Now, her stomach twisted into a tight knot. There was an immediate sense of worry that shot through her body. She felt sick to her stomach. It was not as if she did not take care of herself, either. She had always been borderline anemic, so she wasn't at all surprised to see that her iron levels were slightly below the normal level. She had iron supplements at home that she was known to forget about taking. It wasn't her iron levels that concerned her.

"So, are you pregnant?" Cristina asked again.

_It could be nothing, _she told herself, completing shutting out Cristina's prodding for the current condition of her womb. Blood test results were often inconclusive, which is why patients were referred to further testing when a result came back irregular. Meredith had always figured she would either die from Alzheimer's, her mother's disease, or a terrible disaster. It was already in her gene pool, and Dr. Bailey had confirmed last year that she'd tested positive for more than one of the genetic markers of Alzheimer's. Meredith worried about her children having to take care of a demented version of herself when she was older. However, she had thought they would have a good twenty or thirty years before they would have to worry about that.

"Meredith?" Cristina's entire face filled with confusion.

"I-I have to go," Meredith stammered and fled the scene.

"I knew I should have looked at the results! You are _so _pregnant," Cristina called after her. "McBaby Number Three is on his or her way!"

Meredith huffed, and just continued to walk away.

She was just a few feet away from the daycare when she encountered Arizona Robbins.

"Meredith!" Arizona gleamed in her typical joyous, excited voice; her pearly white teeth sparkled as she smiled widely. "Just the person I was looking for."

"Look, if you're looking for a consult, I can't. I have to pick up my kids." Meredith immediately shut the idea of Arizona pulling her in on a case down. It was late, and she had barely seen her kids in the past three weeks. She hated picking up the kids late because then it was bedtime. She would get the kids home just in time to put them to bed. She didn't want that for her kids. They deserved to have quality time to bond with their parents, something Meredith wanted so deeply as a child. And quality time wasn't defined by a bedtime story, though Ellis Grey hadn't even done that much for her daughter. Meredith couldn't remember her mother ever reading her a bedtime story. If she did, it was her reading aloud text she had written for her book. So, Meredith's bedtime stories consisted of stories about fistulas and vessels.

Right then, in that moment, Meredith just wanted to take her kids home and snuggle with them on the couch before she had to face the reality of the envelope in her jeans pocket. She wanted to watch Sofia the First with them, read them many stories, and kiss them goodnight. Time was precious, and there was no way of knowing how much time you really had. Often times, time is taken for granted. It's not appreciated until you're faced with the potential reality of your own mortality.

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Arizona said slowly. "Callie's in surgery and I just got pulled in on a case. I'm not sure how late it will be, so I was hoping that maybe you could pick up Sofia? I hate to ask, but I don't know who else to ask, and Sofia loves playing with Zola."

"It's fine," Meredith said. "Yeah, I mean, I can pick up Sofia. I guess I kind of owe you, right?"

"Yeah, you do," Arizona winked with a wide grin on her face. It did put a dent in her plans to go home and snuggle with the kids, though Sofia was by no means a hassle. The child was an angel, and Zola actually behaved better when Sofia was around.

"Okay, then. Is it safe to assume she's spending the night?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, I think that was the plan. Well, I have to get going. Callie or I will try to call before the kids go to bed, so we can say goodnight, but you know how it can be."

"Oh, I do," Meredith said, and Arizona disappeared. She exhaled. _Great, just great, _she groaned to herself. She swallowed. _Everything is going to be okay, _she kept trying to tell herself. She wanted to believe that if she told herself that everything would be okay enough times, and then everything _would _be okay. She wasn't convinced it was working yet.

* * *

><p>"I'm hungry, Momma," Zola announced after Meredith had taken the kids out to the car. She looked at the three kids in her rearview mirror. Her own stomach gurgled, since all she'd had for breakfast was a cup of coffee and hadn't had a chance to eat lunch.<p>

"Who wants chicken nuggets?" Meredith threw out the option to the kids.

Zola and Sofia clapped. "Me! Me!" Zola announced. Sofia, as usual, was quiet.

"Then McDonalds is where we'll go," Meredith said. She knew McDonalds was trash food, and there were healthier options for her kids. It wasn't as if she took them there all the time. In fact, they usually ate at home. She had a freezer stocked with frozen chicken nuggets and fish sticks. Half the time she burnt them when she cooked them. Zola had told her numerous times that McDonalds were better. Plus, you were only a kid once. Every kid deserved to enjoy a Happy Meal once in moderation. One thing she had looked forward to as a child: Happy Meals.

Of course, McDonalds was promoting healthier living nowadays, and toys were safer since so many kids had choked on McDonalds toys and appropriate warnings were in place. The toys were really better, but the kids enjoyed them. The toy, of course, was the Happy Meal's major selling point. Even as an adult, Meredith would occasionally get a Happy Meal just to relive the "thrill" of pulling a toy out of meal. It was like the prize at the bottom of the cereal box.

We learn at an early age that surprises are exciting. Even if they're little, that doesn't change the rush of excitement we experience when we see a toy in our food. Although, it's _more _of a thrill when we _don't _know it's coming. You know you're going to get a Happy Meal toy with each box. The excitement is more real when you're _not _expecting the surprise, like when Charlie opened his golden ticket in _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. _

Surprises aren't always good, though. The prize in the envelope isn't always a good one. Sometimes, in fact, the prize is very bad. Sometimes the surprise is life threatening.

The envelope was still in Meredith's pants pocket. She tried to forget what she'd read, but she knew she couldn't. She knew she couldn't avoid this. As much as she wanted to live in the moment and enjoy this time with her kids, she was scared. No, she was terrified.

We live in a society that's on the go twenty-four seven, so that's why fast food exists. You don't have to actually get out of your car to order. The invention of the drive-thru served to accommodate our on-the-go way of life. Sure, Meredith knew she could drive through the drive-thru, but today she wasn't in a rush. Today, she had nowhere she needed to be at any specific time. Today, she just wanted to spend some quality time with her children.

She helped the kids out of their car seats. She carried Bailey while Zola and Sofia walked next to her. The girls were quiet - almost _too _quiet.

She ordered four Happy Meals, one for herself. Meredith couldn't remember the last time she'd ordered a Happy Meal, but today she needed a good surprise.

The girls each got a My Little Pony toy. She made sure to get an under three toy for Bailey, which was a Ronald McDonald figure. When Meredith was kid, her mother had never let her open the toys because it "devalued" them. Meredith had always thought that was total bullshit. Toys were created to be played with, so of course she opened the toy.

"It's a clown, Bailey!" she told her son. Sofia's eyes were wide and almost frightened looking. "What's wrong, Sofia?"

"Sofia doesn't like clowns!" Zola announced, taking a bite of her apple. Zola had actually requested apples. Oddly enough, she didn't even like French fries. She was _so _her father's daughter. "She thinks they're scary."

"Clowns are not scary," Meredith said. Sofia's face said otherwise, and she leaned closer to Zola.

"It's okay, Sofia. It's just a toy, it can't hurt you," Zola said, comforting her friend.

Sofia nodded. Bailey, on the other hand, was completely fascinated with the clown as he wrapped his fingers around the toy and grasped onto it tightly. He was more interested in the clown than he was his chicken nuggets.

"Come on, Bails, you need to eat," she told her son, not wanting to take away his toy, but she wanted to make sure he ate too. She placed a chicken nugget in his fingers, and he brought it to his mouth. Her focus was on making sure her son ate, that she forgot her own food.

"Mommy, you isn't a kid," Zola giggled. "Why did you got a Happy Meal?"

"Well, Miss Zozo," Meredith said, "I didn't want to feel left out. I wanted to get a toy too!" She smiled and opened up her Happy Meal to see she, too, had gotten a Little Pony toy. Hers was blue. Zola's was purple, and Sofia's was pink. She ripped open the plastic and set her pony next to the girls'.

"You're silly, Mommy!" Zola giggled. "Will you play with us?"

Meredith smiled warmly at her daughter. "Of course."

She creased two of her French fries together, creating "legs" and put the French fries over her pony. "Okay, Pony, let's take the fries for a ride," Meredith said talked to the pony; both girls were giggling.

"Daddy says no playing with food," Zola said innocently.

"Really?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's funny, because _I _thought that's what food was for. What else are we supposed to do with food?"

Zola and Sofia looked at each other. "Silly Mommy, we _eat _it!" Zola giggled.

"No way!" Meredith gasped, and she took a bite of her fry. The salty taste immediately built up inside her mouth, and she instantly felt the need to quench her thirst. She took a sip of her Coke.

Zola and Sofia had also started playing with their food, and Meredith join in right with them. Zola put one of her apples on top of her pony.

It was almost nine o'clock by the time the kids had finished eating. Meredith's bladder was full, since she had refilled her Coke three times during their sitting. Going to the bathroom with three kids under her supervision was not easy, either, since she could not just leave two three-year-olds and an eleven-month-old alone in this day and age, so she brought all three kids into the bathroom with her. First, she made sure the girls used the bathroom, and as it turned out, Bailey needed a diaper change. Then, she instructed Zola and Sofia to watch Bailey outside of the stall while she went into the stall by herself. She insisted they keep chatting, so she knew they were safe.

She pulled down her pants and instantly noticed the blotched blood stain in her underwear.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Happy first Grey's Day with no new episode until September. Hopefully this story can fill the void for a little while. I do intend to finish it before summer is over, though. This chapter was both challenging and therapeutic to write:**

* * *

><p>The kids were asleep. She'd read them two stories, with Bailey cuddled on her lap, and Zola and Sofia leaning into her sides. Then, she tucked them into bed. Sofia and Zola slept in the same bed, and Bailey was in his crib. They were all asleep now. Meredith continued to hover between the rooms, even though the lights were off. She was quiet as she tiptoed between rooms and listened to the stirs. She certainly did not want to wake them.<p>

Human beings often take for granted the little moments. They do not realize how precious a moment is until it is too late, until there is a chance those moments may cease to exist. Truth be told, you do not know how much time you have left on earth. You might have an hour; you might have one hundred years. You think you have a full lifetime to enjoy life, but the reality is, you don't know that. That lifetime could be cut off in a split second.

She changed into a pair of sweats and her old ratty Dartmouth sweatshirt that she hadn't worn in years. She was starting to get worried about Derek. When she'd left, she'd thought he was almost done. Of course, that didn't mean something else hadn't come up.

She knew he wanted her to talk to Amelia, but she couldn't just leave the kids alone. She'd have to wait until he came home or the morning. Morning seemed like the best bet, to her. It was a shame that the potential "fun" Derek had planned was by Mother Nature. It was funny; that morning Meredith had woke up thinking the worst possible thing that could happen was she was pregnant. Now, oddly enough, she was wishing she were pregnant. She really was twisted.

Meredith had reached for her iPad, fully intending to read her Facebook feed, when the door swung open. She watched as her husband walked through the door.

"Hey, stranger," she greeted her husband, breathing a momentary sigh of relief when she saw her husband's glowing face. He grinned and kicked off his shoes by the door before walking toward her. He gave her a quick peck on the lips, his mouth tasted like spearmint, and he took a seat next to Meredith on the couch.

"So, did you talk to Amy?" he asked, and she was not surprised that those were the first words out of his mouth.

"I did not," she said. "We have an extra kid in our house tonight."

He lifted his eyebrows, though he did not look overly surprised. "Sofia?" Meredith nodded. "Ah."

"I'll go over there tomorrow, if you really want me to talk to her, though," Meredith sighed.

Derek smiled and gazed sadly into her eyes, and nodded. "I really do want you to try to talk to her, Meredith."

"Okay, then," Meredith exhaled slowly. "I'll go over first thing in the morning."

Derek leaned in closer to her and put his arm around her. "I love you," he said. He pressed his nose against her forehead and gave her a soft kiss. His lips were soft; they were neither wet nor dry.

She leaned into him and sighed, "You better."

"I'm sure she won't shoot you," Derek assured her. Maybe she should, Meredith thought, because she didn't know how she was going to tell Derek about the test results. She wasn't. Not now, anyway. Not until she was positive there was something to tell. Tomorrow she could schedule an appointment to have more tests run. She would have to do it carefully, though, so word didn't get around the hospital. Cristina already thought she was pregnant, but she trusted Cristina won't tell anyone. "So," Derek began, "I had this interesting conversation with Cristina." He looked at her suspiciously.

"Oh, did you?" Meredith hesitated. "What did she tell you?"

"Well." Derek swallowed. "It's not really what she told me, it's what she implied. Meredith, is there something you want to tell me?" Meredith avoided eye contact with him and reached for her iPad without thinking twice. She started scrolling through her Facebook feed. Derek's sister Kathleen had posted a picture of her son Matt getting ready for his junior prom. Matt was a slender tall young man. He was lankier than Derek was, but he shared the Shepherd dark brown hair. He had coffee brown eyes like his aunts Nancy and Liz.

Meredith saw below in the comments that Amelia had commented: I cannot believe he's all grown up! Meredith swallowed; at least this meant Amelia was alive. Derek seldom actually checked his Facebook account, so he wouldn't know that she was still active on social media.

"Meredith, you're avoiding the question."

"I am not," Meredith retorted.

"Meredith, are you pregnant?" Derek asked suddenly, and her heart dropped.

"I-I thought I was, but I'm not," she replied earnestly; it wasn't as if she was lying to him.

"And you told Cristina, not me?" he asked, seemingly offended; she finally looked him in the eye. She could sense offense in his eyes. "Meredith, I thought we were past you telling secrets to Cristina. I am your husband. You should talk to me. When you were pregnant with Bailey, you kept it from Cristina for the entire first trimester! Now we're back to this?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up if there was nothing to tell," she said in a hushed voice, because she didn't want to wake the kids. "And I didn't plan on telling Cristina! She found out by chance. She guessed. Why does it even matter? I'm not pregnant." And not even Cristina knew the actual truth, Meredith thought, grateful Cristina didn't know.

"You're positive?" he asked, sounding disappointed, which is the exact reason she hadn't told him.

"I'm positive my period started about an hour ago." Meredith winked. She looked into his eyes, which gazed lovingly back at her.

"Oh, okay. That's good. I mean, you don't want another baby right now anyway, though I would have been happy if you were. I'm perfectly content with our little family, and I'll be content when we expand. Whatever happens, happens." Derek smiled weakly and planted a soft kiss on her cheek._ When we expand,_ Meredith's stomach tied; suddenly the possibility didn't seem viable, but she wasn't going to burst his bubble. Again, she needed to be sure before she turned their roof upside down.

"Yeah," she said softly.

"So…" Derek murmured. "TOM is here, huh?"

"Afraid so," Meredith sighed. "I know you hate when he interrupts our sex life."

"Well," Derek said gently, "there's always the shower. TOM has never interrupted us in the shower." He lowered his lips onto her neck and softly planted a series of kisses down her neck, then gently kissed her collarbone; she giggled, and suddenly the day's problems ceased to exist in that moment. The information she had received seemed irrelevant in this moment. She had a husband who loved her, a husband who wanted to be with her, and that's all that mattered. She knew that no matter what came out of this; Derek would stand by her side. Derek would support her and the kids. Her kids were lucky to have such an amazing father.

He lifted her off the couch and carried her into the bathroom while planting kisses on every inch of her body. He turned on the shower as they undressed and he helped her into the shower. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close, savoring the moment. Their bodies were soon soaked as they passionately twined together. He ran his hands through her drenched, knotted hair, and she did the same with his. His body was wet and warm. He pinned her against the wall with his strong arms, and planted gentle kisses on backbone that sent riveting, electrifying shocks down her spine; soft moans escaped her lips. He cupped his hands on her breasts as he entered her from behind, thrusting inside her slowly. Her body shivered; her sorrow washed away in erotic pleasure.

"God, Derek," she panted. "Harder!"

His thrusts deepened; her body shook as she experienced a riveting full-body orgasm. Her legs felt like jello as she struggled as she felt the tension release. He supported her with his strong arms, so she didn't succumb to the slippery shower and fall flat on her ass. Together, they stood under the lukewarm water as it gently poured onto their faces. Derek held her close. Her soaked face leaned against his wet body and she held onto his slippery skin.

"You're really pretty, you know?" he whispered in her ear. "I love you."

"Mmm, you're not too shabby yourself," she whispered back. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Later, they lay on bed together, their bodies folded perfectly into each other. Derek held her with one arm and stroked her damp hair with his other hand. She looked off into the distant at the drawing of the tumor on the wall above the dresser. Derek had drawn it after she'd donated part of her liver to Thatcher. She'd been lied up in bed for weeks and hadn't been able to work, so she had been thrilled when Derek would come home and talk surgery with her. It had been the highlight of her days during that period. It beat eating a box of cereal and failing to finish <em>Anna Karenina<em> - to date, she had yet to finish the entire book. Surgery was her life, and back then, brain tumors consumed her brain (figuratively, not literally). She missed those days sometimes.

She missed spending nearly every day with Derek in the OR and then coming home to him. Those were the infant days of their relationship. Everything was new, and they were just getting to know each other. Now, though, she looked at Derek, and sometimes she felt like she didn't know him at all, as Cristina had pointed out to her. They were surgeons, they performed surgery all day, and they came home and talked about their surgeries. They had even struggled to find things to talk about after she left neuro, and then they'd adopted Zola. She became the light of their life, the center of their every conversation, and now they had Bailey.

She shifted her body around, so she was facing Derek. It wasn't as if she didn't know any personal details about him. His mother's maiden name was Maloney; he had four sisters: Nancy, Kathleen, Elizabeth, and Amelia; he had nine nieces and five nephews; he liked coffee ice cream; he claimed he occasionally liked a good cigar, but she'd never seen him smoke one; he cheated when he did the crossword puzzle; and he never danced in public until he met her. His favorite band was The Clash; his favorite color was blue, but not light blue - indigo. He'd been in a motorcycle accident, and apparently, he played hockey in high school. He was a health nut, though he wasn't near as much of one now. She knew all his favorite foods, all of his quirks, but there was a side of Derek that was undiscovered or sketchy to her, and that was his life before Seattle. They rarely talked about it. She never asked, and he seldom offered information. Their life together now was what was important.

"Derek," Meredith said softly.

"Mmm?"

"When did you lose your virginity?" She wrapped her arms his body and watched as his eyes engorged with shock.

"Well, that's quite the random pillow talk question," Derek laughed. "Why?"

"Oh, I was talking to Cristina today, and uh, I got thinking…"

"Don't do that, you might hurt yourself," Derek teased, kissing her forehead.

"I was just thinking, there's no chance that there's a Mini Derek out there somewhere? I realized, the only two women I know that you've been with are Rose and Addison. We don't really talk about our past partners, and I know you don't want to know about mine, and it really doesn't matter. I guess, I was just wondering...there's no chance that some woman I've never met is going to show up with your child in tow, right?" She was rambling, and she could tell by the look on his face that he was amused.

"Mmm. This is because of the Alex and Izzie situation," Derek observed.

She nodded.

"The only Mini Derek in this world is our son, Meredith. Addison was my first," he confessed. "I've only been with three women in my life, and you know them all."

"Wow," Meredith's mouth rounded. "And this is why we haven't had this conversation, because now I feel like a total slut."

"You're not a slut, Meredith," Derek laughed and kissed the tip of her nose with a soft, gentle peck. "I don't care how many men you've been with. I've never asked you to give me a count, and I'm not going to. The other guys don't matter as long as I'm your last," Derek said, holding her close. She leaned her head into his chest and the scent of his skin infused through her nose.

"Derek," she said quietly.

"Yes?" he asked, rubbing her back gently.

"I think," she said slowly, "I think we need to go somewhere."

"Right now? I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and I like laying here with you. We don't get to do this very often. It seems like we're always going somewhere," Derek laughed and rolled on top of her. He looked down on her and smiled, his mint-fresh breath heated up her face. He rested beside her again.

"We're always going back and forth from work to home. Our kids seldom get to see the outside walls of the hospital or this house. I mean, we need to go somewhere, like a vacation. The vacations I always wanted to go on as a kid but my mother never took me. And I'm not talking about your mother's house. Your mother is lovely, but I'm talking about a real vacation, Derek. A vacation where we just take time off from work and take the kids somewhere fun...like Disneyland World." Derek was laughing. "What's so funny?"

"I think you mean either Disneyworld or Disneyland, Meredith. They're not the same. One's in Florida and one's in California," he told her.

"I knew that!" she insisted. "Okay, maybe I didn't. I saw the commercials on TV when I was a kid, and I always wanted to meet Mickey Mouse, but my mother was always working so obviously I never got to go. Bailey's first birthday is coming up next month. Wouldn't it be cute to snap a picture of him with Mickey Mouse at Disney World?"

Derek laughed and kissed her. "You're cute, you know? And yeah, we can take the kids to Disneyworld or Disneyland. My mom and dad took Kate, Liz, Amy, and me to Disney World when I was nine. Nancy played high school softball that year, so she couldn't go. It was a blast, but Amy was only two. She doesn't even remember it, so I think we should wait until the kids are a little older. I would hate to take them and not have them remember it."

"But I want us both to be there. I want us to be a family," Meredith insisted. "Life's short, Derek, and one of us could die tomorrow. We need to enjoy our kids while we still can. Even if they don't remember it, we'll still have pictures to remind them."

Derek's face froze. "Are you going through the dark and twisties again?" he laughed. He leaned in and kissed her. "You're not going to get Alzheimer's and I'm not going to become a bald heroin addict. Maybe we die tomorrow, maybe we live forever, but we can't live our lives worrying that we might die tomorrow, Meredith."

If only he knew, if only he knew…

Meredith swallowed.

"I'll tell you what, Meredith. I'll look at my schedule, you look at yours, we'll schedule a vacation week around Bailey's birthday, and we'll take the kids somewhere fun? If you want to go to Disney, then we can go. We can always take the kids back later when they're older too." He kissed her lips softly.

She turned around and spooned into him. Her throat became moist, and she could feel the tears building in her eyes. She tried to hold them back as she sniffled.

"Mer, are you crying?" Derek asked softly.

"No," she snapped and broke into tears. "I-I'm not." Her voice was raspy, so even though she wasn't facing him, he knew she was lying.

"PMS?" he asked. She elbowed him in his gut as hard as she could. "Ow! Meredith, everything's going to be all right. Neither of us are going anywhere any time soon. Stop being so dark and twisty. Think positive, and positive things will happen."

_If only he knew, _she thought.

"It's going to be okay," he said soothingly and murmured in her ear, "Just go to sleep, Meredith. I'm here." His warm breath pressed against her eardrum. He lay his head on her shoulder, and she exhaled slowly. If only he knew.

* * *

><p>The bright illuminating sun shined through the large bedroom windows and awoke Meredith. Derek's arm wasn't wrapped around her anymore. She extended her arm to his side of the bed and realized he was gone. Her heart raced as she stepped onto the cold, wooden floor. She put on her slippers and stumbled into the kitchen, where she found Derek pouring a cup of coffee. Bailey was in his highchair playing with his Cheerios, and Zola and Sofa were both eating bowls of Cap'n Crunch Cereal.<p>

"G'morning, Momma!" Zola greeted her mother.

"'Morning, Zozo," Meredith replied to her daughter. Derek took a seat at the table and reached for the newspaper. She stared at her husband. "You didn't wake me?"

"You looked so peaceful," Derek responded. "So, you're going to go talk to Amy?"

"I thought you'd forgotten," she sighed with disappointment.

"So, I don't have to be to the airport until four, and I don't have any surgeries scheduled this morning. I can spend some time with the kids this morning and then drop them off at the hospital before I leave. How's that sound?" Derek asked, sipping his coffee.

"Great, because I have a surgery at ten-thirty," Meredith said. It was a lie. She didn't have any surgeries planned today, but she needed to get to the hospital anyway. She knew she needed to find someone to administer further tests on her, and this was the perfect opportunity since Derek would be away from the hospital.

"It's eight, so you have time to go talk to my sister!" Derek gleamed.

"Mmm," she sighed. She took a cereal bar out of the cupboard and devoured it. "I'll go get dressed and go over there, if that will satisfy you." Her husband's face lit with hopefulness.

* * *

><p>Meredith stood in front of Derek's trailer that Owen now resided in. This was the air stream trailer he'd lived in before she had invited him to move in with her. This was the trailer Richard Webber had seen her naked when she and Derek were having break-up sex. This was also the trailed Derek had lived in with his ex-wife for year. Meredith had walked on a naked Derek and his sister, Nancy, before she knew he was his sister in this trailer. It was the trailer Derek had run to during his depressed state, and right outside the trailer he'd batted her engagement ring into the woods. She had so many fond memories of this trailer.<p>

She contemplated if she should knock on the door, but then she figured Owen or Amelia would just tell her to go away. Alternatively, they'd slam the door in her face, both of which had happened to Derek when he'd tried to come over. Instead of knocking, Meredith put her hand on the handle. She realized the door was unlocked, so she carefully opened the door and stepped into the trailer.

She turned to her right, and her heart dropped as she came face-to-face with a nude Owen Hunt, whose hands were all over her naked, pregnant sister-in-law.


	34. Chapter 34

Amelia and Owen each let out loud cries as they both dove under the covers of the same bed Richard Webber had walked in on a naked Meredith and Derek.

"Oh, God!" Meredith gasped as she instantly turned away, rolling her eyes. She then slowly turned back around at Amelia and Owen. She shook her head with disappointment, though she really wasn't surprised. She _had _suspected after all.

"If this isn't payback, bitch, I don't know what is," Amelia announced bitterly. Her face blistered with anger; Meredith didn't even take offense to Amelia calling her a "bitch." In fact, she knew she probably deserved that line.

"Meredith, what are you _doing _here? And what happened to knocking?" Owen snapped, reaching for his underwear on the ground while still covering himself. He tossed a T-shirt and a pair of sweats at Amelia so she could dress too.

It was unlike Meredith enter someone else's dwelling without knocking. She hated when people did it to her and Derek, so she usually tried to respect others' privacy in that aspect. Cristina was the number one offender of entering without knocking. When Owen and Cristina were together, Meredith _always _made sure to knock before entering their apartment. Cristina, unfortunately, hadn't had the same respect at her house. Surprisingly, she'd never walked in on anything too private.

"Well, gee, I figured you'd just slam the door in my face. That's what you did to Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously?" She looked back and forth between Owen and Amelia. "You two?"

"Why do you even care?" Amelia spat.

"Amelia…" Owen said softly in a warning tone. He locked eyes with Meredith. "Meredith, can I have a word with you outside alone?"

"Sure, whatever," Meredith exhaled, closing her eyes for a moment. She'd heard it all by now, so she was prepared for Owen to tell her to leave. She was prepared for him to yell at her. She could take it. Then, at least she could go back to Derek and tell him she tried. She really hadn't expected results from this encounter, anyway. Though, she figured it was better that she walk in on Owen and Amelia than Derek. Owen lead her out of the trailer, and Meredith let out an obnoxious sigh. "What do you think you're doing, Owen? Seriously? She's weak and vulnerable, and you're taking advantage of her? I know she's having a baby, and you have baby fever, but don't you think this is irresponsible?"

"Whoa, hold on, Meredith," Owen said flatly. "I am _not _taking advantage of her. I know this looks bad, trust me I do, and you're right. It's irresponsible."

"You do realize the last two guys she dated ended up dead, right?" Meredith pointed out.

"I know...wait, did you just say the last two guys? I only know about James," Owen said.

"Yeah, her last baby daddy died of a drug overdose," Meredith enlightened Owen; she hadn't forgotten the sob story Amelia had told her during their first conversation when Meredith had come home about a month earlier to find Amelia at her house. It seemed like a lifetime ago; so much had happened since then. "She's like the Angel of Death, Owen."

"She's not the Angel of Death," Owen insisted. "I know she's been through a lot and has a rough past, but don't we all? You of all people should be able to relate, Meredith. You've survived a large number of horrible events too. Does that make you the Angel of Bad Luck?"

"Maybe I am," Meredith rolled her eyes. "It sure feels like it sometimes, anyway. Look, Owen, I care about you, you know? I know we're not super close, and you're my best friend's ex, but I'd hate it if you went down the wrong path. If you really care about her, that's great. Neither of you are in a good place right now. I know it's not my place to judge…"

"I get where you're coming from," Owen said. "It's been a tough year, with the plane crash and then Cristina...God, I just...there's something about her, you know? Amelia...there's something special about her. I've been so wrapped up in Cristina; we keep going back to each other, even though I know she can never give me what I want. Amelia...she can...and she wants to. Plus, this might sound kind of weird, but she and Cristina are actually a lot alike. They have the same type of humor, which is why I think I'm so attracted to Amelia." His light blue eyes lit up when he spoke of her sister-in-law, and Meredith inhaled slowly.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want you to hurt her. She's in a rough spot," Meredith said.

"She's stronger than you think," Owen assured her. "What I think she needs is to get back to work. I've been wanting to talk to you about her, but it's never been a good time; and I didn't want to upset Derek. I know he's offended by the fact she's talking to me and not him."

"Do you blame him?" Meredith asked. "And what makes you think _I _can get through to her? What do you mean by that anyway?"

"Right now, Amelia feels like the universe in punishing her. She cheated with two of her best friends' husbands, then her boyfriend died. She thinks she doesn't deserve good things now, and she's worried about her baby's health. The doctor told her everything's okay, but she's convinced something terrible is going to happen."

"Okay?" Meredith laughed. "And you think _I'm _the best person to get through to her. You realize I'm the other half of the twisted sisters, right? _I'm _the one who was convinced her son would be born with two heads or eleven toes or some other horrendous disorder."

"That's exactly my point. You've been through an unusual amount of bad things and have always come out stronger. You spent your entire pregnancy pining over the fact something would be wrong with Bailey, and he's perfectly healthy," Owen pointed out. Meredith shook her head. Now was _not _the time for her to be rubbing good vibes in Amelia's direction, though Owen didn't know that. Nobody knew that.

Meredith exhaled. "You saw how she reacted when she saw me. She called me a bitch."

"She was just in shock. We both were. That's not exactly how we wanted you to find out about us. I'm sure you understand," Owen said.

"Oh, believe me, I do," Meredith replied dryly. She shook her head and exhaled, "I'll try to talk to her."

"Thank you," Owen said, "and can you do me a favor? Don't tell Cristina what you saw this morning."

Meredith's mouth dropped open. Then she shrugged. "I think she already suspects anyway. Derek too."

"Is it _that _obvious? Can't a guy and a girl just be friends?"

"As I witnessed this morning, no," Meredith laughed.

Owen stared at her blankly before re-entering the trailer, and Meredith followed. Amelia was sitting on the couch reading a book. Owen walked toward her and took the book out of her hands. Amelia's jaw dropped with shock. "Why'd you do that?"

"Because you're going back to work today," Owen announced. "You need distractions that don't involve lying around my trailer all day. And I'm assigning Meredith to keep you in line."

"What?" Meredith and Amelia both gasped at the same time.

"No!" Amelia protested. "She's not even a neurosurgeon. What good would it do for me to shadow her?"

"I'm not even a neurosurgeon," Meredith agreed; at least she and Amelia were on the same page about thing today.

"That's beside the point," Owen said. "I'm the chief, and I'm ordering that you shadow Meredith today. You do what Meredith says, and if she has any concerns she'll report to me. It's part of easing you back into work, Amelia. You've been sitting on that couch for too long, and you need to get back to your life. Somethingbad happened to you, you made a stupid mistake. You're not the Angel of Death, you haven't killed anyone, and the doctor said you and your baby have a clean bill of health. So, you're going back to work until the doctor orders you on maternity leave. Chief's orders."

Amelia squinted her eyes and glared at Meredith. She exhaled. "Fine."

"Good. I have to get to the hospital. I'll see you two later," Owen said, grabbing his coat and keys then left the trailer, leaving Meredith and Amelia alone.

Amelia avoided eye contact with Meredith at first as she reached for the book Owen had snatched from her fingers. She stared at the book's cover for a while, before finally saying, "Derek sent you over here, didn't he?"

"He did," Meredith confessed, deciding to take a seat next to Amelia.

"I'm sorry for calling you a bitch," Amelia apologized with sincerity. "I was in shock, as I'm sure you can relate, though surprisingly, you never called me a bitch. What I said...it was uncalled for."

"I've already forgotten," Meredith insisted.

"Oh...wow...you know, I love Seattle, because if I'd spoken like that to anyone at Oceanside Wellness, I would have had to have a six hour conversation about it. I continuously dump dirt on you, and you never question me on it again...I never want to leave Seattle." She sighed nasally. "Except there's Derek. Gotta love him. I don't know if I could live with him again. He's my big brother, so of course it's his job to be nosy. It's his job to make sure I'm alright, but I can't face him...I can't look him in the eye. You see, Derek doesn't make mistakes, so he doesn't know what it's like."

Meredith had heard Amelia's spiel about how her older brother was perfect. In Amelia's eyes, Derek was perfect. In Meredith's eyes, he was just as flawed as anyone else. He was very dreamy and could convince anyone that he didn't make mistakes. She'd seen firsthand that he wasn't perfect, although he tried very hard to be perfect.

"He's not perfect," Meredith said adamantly.

"He's still the Golden Boy, and okay, maybe it's an understatement to say he _never _makes mistakes, but his mistakes are nothing compared to mine. I screw up over and over and over and over again. Derek might accidentally put a left sock on his right foot; something little most people wouldn't notice in the first place."

"Amelia, can I ask you a question?" Meredith asked.

"Go right ahead," Amelia said.

"Why are you so open with me?" she asked. "I mean, you barely knew me, and the first day of your arrival you divulged rather intimate details of your life to me. You've avoided Derek and I for three weeks, and I just walked in on you and Owen having sex. Now, you're talking to me like nothing happened. Excuse me if I'm a little confused."

There was a brief silence as Amelia seemed to be thinking. Eventually, she said, "You know that moment when you tell someone something personal about yourself, something that has the potential to change their perspective on you as a human being?" Amelia asked. Meredith knew exactly what Amelia meant. "You know how the expression on their face changes the moment you tell them? How their eyes show an array of emotions: shock, disappointment, disgust. You haven't done that once, Meredith. I've told you _crazy _things about myself. You're the first person I told about James not being the father. Yet, you didn't flinch. You didn't look at me like I was less of a person. And I think it's because you know you're flawed too. Don't take offense to this when I say this, but I know that you met my brother in a bar. You meant for him to be another one-night stand. And no, Derek didn't tell me this. Addison did. Derek doesn't tell me anything anymore. I know that you were the intern banging the married attending, even if you didn't know he was married at the time. I know that you slept with him when he was still married. I know way more about you than you know I know. It's a little weird, but I feel like I can relate to you….and I guess that's what makes you easy to talk to. I know you're not that fond of me…"

"I never said that," Meredith said; she swallowed. She was almost _touched _by Amelia's words. She knew everything Amelia said was true about her past, though it was a piece in her history she didn't like to think about. Of course, it wasn't even the half of her life story. Her college and high school years hadn't been much brighter. That was a time in her life she didn't talk about at all.

"If I were you, I'd hate me. I mean, I showed up here and asked you to adopt my baby. If that's not hate worthy, I don't know what is. You and Derek have enough going on in your lives. God, what is wrong with me?" Amelia sighed, resting her hands on her swollen belly. She looked into Meredith's eyes. "There you go again. I can't read your face. I'm usually good at reading people's faces, but I can't read yours. You must be thinking I'm nuts."

"Amelia, I don't think you're nuts," Meredith assured her. "We all have our crazy moments. Believe me, I've had my share,." She laughed lightly. "I'm the crazy one who _begged _your brother to pick me. I actually said _Pick me, choose me, love me _after Addison showed up. What sane person does that?"

Amelia's eyes widened and she laughed. "I never heard about that one."

"Well, it was in a scrub room, and we were the only two around," Meredith confessed.

Amelia smiled weakly. "This is why I can talk to you. Hell, you walked in on Owen and I and you barely batted an eye, and you're not lecturing me now. If I were in LA right now, I'd be getting an earful."

"It's not my job to lecture you," Meredith said. "I'm not your mother."

"I just feel like you get me...you get me better than Addie ever did. Addie and I were friends, because she wasn't a total bitch to me like my own sisters were. After I stole Derek's prescription pads, they started treating me like I was less of a person. Addie still treated me like I was a human being at least, even after I slipped up again. But I don't think she ever understood."

"Addicts need something to fill the void, or they slip up," Meredith said softly. "I've never told anyone this, but I tried pot when I was in college, but tequila was my drug of choice. Med school saved me. Surgery became my addiction."

"I was more of a rum girl," Amelia said, exhaling slowly. "I miss the taste so much sometimes." She rested her head in her palms, then sighed. "Did you ever tell Derek that you tried pot?"

"No," Meredith responded.

"Because you know he'd look at you different," Amelia said, but Meredith didn't reply. It wasn't something she talked about. It wasn't something she'd told anyone in her present life about. She'd briefly talked about it with Alex once, but she hadn't given him too many details. There was a time in her life that she was the joke of the family. She was the one nobody wanted at family reunions. Her mother had been so ashamed of her. It was a rough time in her life. A time that she had overcome, a time she didn't like to look back on.

"I could have easily been much worse off," Meredith confessed. "My father is an alcoholic...and I don't know why I'm even telling you this."

"Because you know I understand?" Amelia asked. "I mean, who am I going to tell? I can't talk about this with anyone. I've told Owen a little bit. He's a wonderful guy, but I feel like I'm not good enough for him. He deserves so, so much better than me, and I'm afraid if he knows everything about me, he'll throw me to curb. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy once they know I'm a junkie...except you. You're not looking at me like I'm crazy right now. Your face hasn't changed the way you look at me since the day I showed up at your house and interrupted your life. Even now, even after the stupid stuff you've found out about me in the past month, you're still looking at me like I'm a person, and I thank you for that."

"I can't control my face," Meredith shrugged. "But you're welcome. Amelia, we're not defined by our past. We're defined by our future. You can choose who you become. You can't change the mistakes you've made."

"I know," Amelia said. "So, I need to get my ass off this couch and go to work."

"Derek's at the house with the kids. I'll send him a text and tell him I'm going into the hospital, although he is going to D.C. this afternoon. If you want to talk to him…"

"Not yet," Amelia shook her head. "I'm not ready."

"Okay, then," Meredith said, and she sent Derek a text to tell him she was heading to the hospital. He texted her back shortly after. _How'd it go with Amy? _

_We'll talk later, _was all she replied with.

* * *

><p>"It just makes me sick to my stomach," Amelia said. She sat in the passenger's seat while Meredith drove. "I can't believe myself. <em>I <em>cheated with two of my best friends' husbands. Who does that? And the worst part is they were both drunk, and I took advantage. You know, I'd been sober for eleven months? Eleven months, and I blew it! James saved me, and then the minute he's not by my side, I screwed up. I'm going to Hell."

"I've always thought that we're already in Hell," Meredith responded and laughed lightly.

"I was doing so well, then like always, I screwed up. And all I can think about is drinking now. It's all I've been able to think about for weeks..." Amelia exhaled, placing her hand on her belly. "This baby...he's the only thing saving me right now from turning to drugs or alcohol. This baby…and Owen. You know, I received a phone call from Addie the day after James died.. I guess they were throwing a big memorial for James in LA, and Addison wanted me to come. Gosh, I couldn't do that. I can't forgive myself. My baby might be her husband's child, and how do you live with that? How do you _tell _someone that? I don't think I can ever step foot in LA again. I don't think I'll ever be able to look Addison or Charlotte in the eye again If either of them knew, they'd be on the first flight out here to decapitate me, _especially _Charlotte. If she ever finds out, Cooper will be a dead man. So they can't. Neither can. This can't have happened."

"I don't know what to tell you," Meredith shrugged.

"I mean, what can you tell me? I'm a filthy ho," Amelia exhaled obnoxiously.

Meredith's stomach cramped and a nauseating feeling lingered in her gut. She wasn't sure if it was caused by her period, her anxiety, or something else entirely - or possibly a combination of all three. She'd contemplated telling Amelia about the blood test results, but she wasn't sure if that was a wise idea. Amelia had been so wrapped up in herself, that she'd barely allowed Meredith to get a word in. Amelia seemed to be so comfortable telling Meredith everything about her life, and Meredith had divulged a few personal details to Amelia - details she'd never shared with anyone. Meredith just hoped that wouldn't come back to bite her in the ass later. She still wasn't sure how much _she _trusted Amelia, even though Amelia seemed to trust her. From what she could tell, Amelia had good intentions, she just screwed up a lot. In some ways, Amelia reminded Meredith so much of herself when she was younger.

She knew she needed to run more tests sooner rather than later. It was possible she was freaking out for no reason at all.. It could be nothing at all. There were several factors that could produce the blood test results she'd received. The unfortunate thing most of them were not good factors. The odds were greater that it was something terrible.

She tried to recount her symptoms. She'd been feeling lethargic, which she always blamed on the fact she hardly slept. What was sleep, anyway? She couldn't recall the last time she'd gotten a full eight hours of sleep. She'd kissed sleep goodbye the day she entered medical school.

She experienced sporadic nausea, which she always blamed on stress. It was something she'd experienced since she was a little girl whenever she was stressed out.

Both could be symptoms of just stress and being overworked, or they could be symptoms of something much worse, something much greater and life threatening.

She would be in a hospital full of machines all day, but her sister-in-law would be shadowing her so it wouldn't be easy to schedule an appointment or have someone run tests unless she let Amelia in on the secret. Amelia had already divulged so much to her. Maybe she could be trusted.

"Amelia," Meredith began, building the courage to say it out loud. "There's something I need to… oh, my God!" Meredith stomped on the brakes as the scene of a massive car accident appeared in plain sight. A black SUV and a red Sedan had crashed head on.

"Holy crap!" Amelia gasped.

The two women's surgeon instincts instantly kicked into full gear as they unfastened their seat belts and opened their car doors to check out the scene of the accident.

The entire front end of the SUV was completely totaled. Glass had splattered everywhere. The back end of the car was still intact. Meredith instantly doubted that anyone in the passenger seat or driver's seat had survived. Sirens blew as an ambulance arrived at the scene of the accident.

Meredith froze and her heart dropped as she saw a little boy standing on the sidewalk. His face was scratched, but otherwise, he didn't appear badly injured. Tears streamed down the little boy's fair face. Meredith would have recognized his tiny face anywhere.

"Blake?"


	35. Chapter 35

Izzie Stevens's mangled body was slouched over in the driver's seat of the black SUV. Glass was splattered everywhere. Blood gushed out of her skull. Amelia had immediately begun assisting a paramedic remove her body from the car. It was too early to tell if she had a chance. Two bodies from the red Sedan had already been covered, which meant they'd died on impact.

"I'm a neurosurgeon!" Amelia announced as Meredith focused her attention on the little boy. Everyone at the scene was so focused on getting Izzie out of the car, that her son had gone seemingly unnoticed.

"Meredif!" Blake cried out. He instantly recognized her and wrapped his tiny arms around Meredith's waist, burying his face into her stomach. "Help my mommy." Tears gushed out of the little boy's small brown eyes and soaked into Meredith's shirt.

Meredith swallowed and kneeled down to the child's level. "We're going to help your mommy, sweetie," she told him. "Are you okay?" She placed his hand on his small shoulders and studied his face. He had a small abrasion on his forehead, but otherwise appeared unscathed by the accident.

"I okay. My mommy is hurt bad," Blake said softly. His big brown eyes shattered with fear as he pointed toward the crushed car that still held his mother. The paramedics and Amelia were working to remove the door so Izzie could be removed from the car and they could assess her injuries. As it appeared, Izzie was still alive. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Izzie move an arm. Her eyes focused back on Blake. It was clear the police hadn't realized who Izzie was. Everyone's attention was on the mangled vehicle with the injured woman inside. Blake was standing off in the distance; he must have fled the car after the accident. His face reeked with fear.

"I know, honey. The doctors and paramedics are going to take care of her. Now, let's get you checked out." Meredith took Blake's hand and guided him over to her car. She always kept a spare First-Aid Kit in her car, just in case. She sat Blake in the back seat and put a dab of peroxide on his cut. "This might tingle a little bit," she said.

"Ow!" he pouted as the peroxide seethed into his sore. She dabbed it gently, then put a bandage over the cut.

"There, all better," Meredith said soothingly and gave him a warm hug. She rubbed her hand gently, in a massaging motion, into his tiny, bony shoulder blade.

Blake was crying. He buried his face into her chest. "Is my mommy gonna die?" Blake asked. Meredith swallowed, not knowing how to respond.

"I hope not," Meredith responded. "Your mommy is my friend, and I would be sad if she died."

"She's my only mommy," Blake said innocently. "My daddy never woved me." Meredith's heart broke when Blake said those words, and she knew this was going to be difficult for him to understand. It was horrible that Blake thought his father didn't love him, but it was because Izzie and Alex had both gone about this so badly. Izzie should have never hid Blake from Alex, and Alex should never have told child services that Izzie abused her son.

"Blake, have you met your father?" Meredith asked, placing her hand on his knees.

"No, my mommy says he's a mean man," Blake said, his voice was filled with sweetness and innocence. "He hates her and me."

So, that was confirmation. Izzie had turned Blake against Alex, and Meredith wasn't surprised. Izzie did have a way of turning herself into the victim, and it was terrible that poor Blake had to pay the price for that. He trusted his mother. Izzie was the only parent he knew and loved, so he had no reason not to trust her. Now, if something _did _happen to Izzie, and she didn't survive this accident, Alex would have a hell of a time getting his son to trust him. It was a sticky situation, and Meredith wanted to be able to help, but she didn't want to Blake to think she was turning his mother into a liar by telling him what an amazing person Alex was. Though, at this time, Meredith wasn't sure she was capable of boosting Alex's reputation to his son. Alex always had good intentions, but he'd made a real bonehead move when he'd lied about Izzie abusing Blake.

"Blake," Meredith said softly. "Where were your mommy and you before the accident? Have you been in Seattle this whole time?" Their pictures had been all over the news, so Meredith was having a hard time believing they'd actually been inside the city limits this entire time. Seattle was a large city, so it was plausible, and it would explain why there hadn't been any sightings of them at the airport. Meredith didn't recognize the now-smashed vehicle, either, so did that mean Izzie had stolen a car?

Meredith had been so focused on Blake's big brown eyes that she hadn't even noticed his hair. It was blonder. Izzie had dyed his hair. She turned her head toward the scene of the accident and saw as the paramedic pulled Izzie onto a gurney. Meredith immediately noticed that Izzie's hair color was different too; it was a bright red color. There were lacerations and cuts all over her body. Blood oozed from her skull. Meredith stood in front of Blake so he couldn't see his mother's damage fully exposed. Meredith felt sick, seeing her once close friend in this condition. It was horrible and unimaginable; it was worse than seeing Izzie fight cancer. Izzie had kicked cancer's butt. Hopefully, she would be able to fight this too. She had so much to lose, but if she had in fact stolen that car, she might lose Blake anyway. _Oh, Izzie, what have you done? _Meredith thought.

Meredith studied the four-year-old, whose had been dyed to disguise him. Even though Alex had tried to drop the charges, the accusations toward Izzie were an open investigation, and the fact that she had taken Blake and disappeared to God knows where looked suspicious. The fact that she had gone to the trouble to disguise them both also looked suspicious. Meredith wasn't a cop, but she'd seen plenty of detective shows during her lifetime – after all, cop shows compromised over half of modern television these days. She knew how this looked to the police.

"I don't know where we were," Blake said innocently. "Mommy took me to a hotel and got me ice cream and pizza, oh and I watched SpongeBob!"

"How long were you at the hotel?" she asked Blake.

"I don't know," replied Blake. Meredith was not sure why she was questioning a four-year-old for information. It didn't matter. Blake was safe. That's all that mattered.

Meredith looked back at the ambulance. It looked like Amelia was giving the paramedics orders. She exhaled and gently touched Blake's shoulders. "Sweetie, lay down in my car, and stay here, okay? Do not look out the window, okay? Can you do that?"

"It's my mommy, isn't it?" Blake said innocently, tears streamed down his face. He was a smart kid. "You don't want me to see her."

"Trust me, Blake, you don't want to see your mom like this. You can see her later, at the hospital, when she's feeling better, okay? And we'll have a doctor check you out too, to make sure you don't have any more owies," Meredith told Blake gently. The little boy nodded. Meredith shut the car door and locked it, so Blake wouldn't try to get out. Her doors were childproof because Zola sometimes liked to try to escape. Meredith was also concerned that if the police saw Blake, she wouldn't be able to get him back to the hospital. If she could get him back to the hospital, then she could set it up so Blake could bond with his father without knowing Alex was his dad. If all worked out well, Blake could learn to trust Alex before learning that he was his father. _If _all worked out right. It wouldn't be long before the police figured out who Izzie was and realized Blake was there too. Meredith just had to get him to the hospital so they could find a reason to keep him there. Despite all that had happened, Alex deserved to see his son, and if the police got to him first, they'd take him away to child services without a second thought. Meredith knew how child services worked.

She dashed over to Amelia. "Meredith," Amelia frowned when she saw Meredith running toward her.

"What's going on? Fill me in. Please tell me she has a chance," Meredith shook her head; she saw the somber look in Amelia's eyes.

"It's not good, Mer," Amelia said. "She definitely has traumatic head injuries, so I'm going to have to operate immediately. I'm riding in the ambulance. Meredith, there's something you should know."

"What?" Meredith asked.

Amelia exhaled, and said in a very low voice, "The police don't know she's Izzie. Her face is badly bruised, so she's almost unrecognizable. Plus, she has a fake ID. They think her name is Rachel Simmons, though it won't be long before they find out the truth."

Meredith's eyes widened. "Oh, my God."

"If she doesn't get medical attention quickly, then she has no chance. Where's the little boy? I saw you talking to him over on the sidewalk. You know you have to hand him over to the police and tell them the truth…"

"Shhhh," Meredith hissed, raising her pointer finger over her mouth. "I have it handled. He needs to be taken in for observation."

"Gosh, Mer, I have enough going on right now. I don't need my sister-in-law arrested for kidnapping now too." Amelia rolled her eyes as she climbed into the ambulance.

"I know what I'm doing, Amelia," Meredith said harshly. "Page me and let me know which OR you're in, since you're supposed to be under my observation, and don't do anything stupid in between." She looked at Amelia's belly. She hoped that Amelia wasn't putting too much strain on herself, especially having just helped the paramedics get Izzie out of the car. From what Meredith had seen, the paramedics had done all the lifting.

"I know what I'm doing, too," Amelia sassed as the door to the ambulance shut and the it zoomed toward the hospital.

Meredith ran back to her car and turned the car on. "You can sit up now," she told Blake. She could see him in her rearview mirror looking frightened; he sat down in Zola's booster seat and buckled himself.

"I'm scared," Blake said softly.

"I know you are, Blake," Meredith said quietly. "It's gonna be okay. I promise." She hated making promises, but she knew in one way or another, it would be okay for Blake. "My friend Amelia is with your mom right now, and she's going to take good care of her. She's a doctor too." Blake had never met Amelia. Amelia had still been at the hospital on the evening of Blake and Zola's play date.

"Was she the lady who helped get my mommy out of the car?" he asked. Despite her efforts to shield him from the sight of the wreck, he'd still seen more than enough. He'd been in the car, so there really wasn't a lot she could shield him from anyway. He'd seen too much by the time she and Amelia arrived on the scene of the accident.

"Yes," she confirmed. "That's who's helping your mommy right now."

"Do I get to go to the hospital and play with Zoey?" Blake asked innocently. "I miss her."

Meredith's lips formed a smile. "She misses you too, but let's get you checked out first by a doctor. Then maybe you can see Zola."

"I thought you was a doctor," Blake pouted. "I feel fine. I not hurt like Mommy."

"I am a doctor," Meredith assured him, "and I'm sure you're fine, but we just need to make sure. Sometimes when people are hurt, they don't know they're hurt at first." How was she supposed to explain to a four-year-old that he could have internal bleeding and his symptoms might not appear until it was too late? From the outside, Blake looked unscathed, and Meredith didn't want him to think he was actually hurt when the chances are he was fine. Truth be told, she just needed to provide an excuse for him to see his father in a safe environment before child services took him away, and it was too late for him to bond with Alex without thinking he was a jerk who hated him.

* * *

><p>Meredith had already paged Arizona Robbins when she carried Blake into the emergency room. The ER was busy, as usual, since they were a level 1 trauma center. Meredith found Blake a bed, though, and pulled the curtain so he could have some privacy. She could tell the little boy was overwhelmed; his face withered in fear. He kept asking about his mother. Meredith had no definite answers, so she kept tell him that she would let him know as soon as she knew something. Meredith kept glancing at her phone, expecting a text from Amelia. She hadn't gotten one yet. Meredith did not want to leave Blake's side, so she was still in street clothes when Robbins arrived. She could tell by the look confused Arizona gave her that she was wondering why, but she didn't question.<p>

"I'm sorry Callie and I didn't call last night," Arizona said. "We were both in the OR past midnight, and we knew Sofia was probably already asleep. I hope she wasn't any trouble."

"She wasn't," Meredith assured. "And just so you know, in case you or Callie go down to daycare and wonder why she's not there, Derek is going out of town this afternoon and wanted some time with the kids this morning. He's bringing them in later."

"Thanks for letting me know. I'll text Callie and let her know, so she doesn't have a panic attack." Robbins's attention turned to the little boy and she smiled lively. "Hi, I'm Dr. Robbins. What's your name?"

"Blake," the little boy said shyly. "Blake Stevens."

Arizona's face froze then she grabbed Meredith's arm and dragged her outside the curtain, so Blake couldn't hear them. "Blake Stevens?" Arizona said in a hushed voice. "As in, the boy who's been missing for three weeks, Blake Stevens? As in...Izzie's son? Alex's…" She froze.

"That's the one," Meredith confirmed.

"All right, you _better _have a damn good explanation for why you have Izzie's son and the police aren't swarming us right now. They've been looking for that little boy for weeks," Arizona demanded.

"I found him at the scene of his mother's accident," Meredith said in a low voice. "He'd managed to safely get out of the car, probably before the police arrived on the scene. He was scared, so I took him to my car and bandaged him up. His cuts aren't deep. He won't need stitches. I just brought him here, so he could be under observation and...there's something I need you to do."

"Unless he needs pediatric surgery, I don't know what _I _can possibly do," Arizona replied hastily.

"I need you to get him to trust Alex as his doctor," Meredith said.

"Come again?" Arizona looked confused.

"Izzie's told him terrible things about his father, and she's in surgery right now...and God forbid, if something were to happen to her, I know Alex will want to get custody of him. Either way, Blake should know his father, and I know deep down Alex is aching to get to know Blake. It's going to be hard on Blake as is, but if he thinks Alex is an evil man who hates him, it's going to be even worse. So, you need to get Blake to trust Alex, before he finds out he's his father," Meredith insisted. Arizona was laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Arizona continued to laugh. "It's just...are you _serious_? First off, once Alex finds out Izzie is in the hospital, he's going to have a mental breakdown. I know Alex pretty well."

"And I don't?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're his mentor, Arizona. He respects you. He can be hard-headed at times, but he's not an idiot. You tell him that Dr. Shepherd is operating on Izzie now, and we'll fill him in as soon as we know something. Until then, he needs to bond with his son as a doctor, without telling him he's his father. I think at this point, Alex will be more concerned about Blake's well-being than Izzie's. Izzie broke his heart and lied to him. Blake is just an innocent victim in the midst of all this."

"Okay, okay," Arizona inhaled. "I'll see what I can do." Her face froze. "Did you say _Dr. Shepherd _is operating on Izzie? I thought you said Derek was with the kids…"

"I did," Meredith said.

Arizona's jaw dropped. "The crazy sister?"

"She's not crazy," Meredith defended. "She's a gifted surgeon, but I think it's best you lead Alex on to believe it's Derek who's operating on her. It's Amelia's first day back, and not a lot of people know she's back."

"You've thought this all through, haven't you?" Arizona sighed. "All right, I'll see what I can do."

Meredith's phone finally buzzed. _OR 1_, she read Amelia's text. "I have to go," she told Arizona. She jetted toward the Attendings' lounge to change into her scrubs.

Out of the blue, she experienced what felt like a sudden drop in blood pressure. Her head felt light, and her heart began racing out of control. She couldn't catch her breath. She sat down on the lounge couch. The lounge was deserted, thankfully. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths, in and out…_in and out_. Her heart rate slowed and her breathing soon returned to a normal rhythm. Her stomach was still tied a knot as nausea swept over her entire body. Her throat throbbed as acid built up in it. She ran into the bathroom to throw up.

She felt better after purging her insides. All that had been in her stomach was the cereal bar she'd eaten that morning. She knew she needed to get to the OR. If Amelia went psycho in the middle of surgery, it was on her. And Amelia wasn't just operating on anyone. She was operating on someone Meredith had once considered a very close friend.

As she was on her way to the OR, she stopped when she saw Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber standing in the hallway. Their eyes glimmered with sadness.

"I can't believe this happened," she heard Dr. Webber say. _Do they know? _Had Amelia come forward and revealed the real identity of the crash victim?

"They were too young," commented Dr. Bailey sadly. Tears were even welled in her eyes, and Meredith was having a hard time recalling a time she'd seen Miranda Bailey cry. She simply wasn't the crying type.

"What's going on?" she asked.

They both stared at her. "You haven't heard?" Dr. Webber asked.

Her stomach tied into a knot._ Was it Izzie? Was it too late?_

"There was an accident this morning," Dr. Bailey told her in a grim voice. Meredith knew that already, but Webber and Bailey apparently didn't know she'd been at the scene. Meredith swallowed the salty, moist lump that had formed in her mouth. Her mouth was filled with a salty taste. She felt like throwing up again. Dr. Bailey heaved a nasally sigh as she breathed, "Two of our residents were killed."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know my cliffhangers are cruel, though who really cares about the residents, anyway? I doubt you'll mind that two are dead now. Anyone who's read my others stories knows how much I _love _cliffhangers. They're my favorite thing to do, and I really don't intend on lightening up on them any time soon. :) Also, I know you're all dying to find out what's going on with Meredith, and you will! Soon. **


	36. Chapter 36

Meredith managed to swallow the vomit in her mouth, preventing herself from purging in front of Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber. She didn't want to imagine how humiliating that would be. She already felt like they thought she was less of a surgeon than they were, because she was the youngest of the general surgeons.

It dawned on Meredith that she'd never seen the driver or the passenger of the red Sedan. The bodies had already been covered when she and Amelia had arrived at the scene of the accident. The possibility that she may know the bodies underneath the covers hadn't even crossed her mind.

"Who?" she asked hoarsely.

"Leah Murphy and Shane Ross," Dr. Webber told her. "They were on their way home from the night shift. Both exhausted. We don't really know what happened yet or who caused the accident; the police are still interviewing witnesses, but my guess is they ran a red light and collided with the other vehicle. Dr. Torres and your sister-in-law are operating on the driver of the SUV now. From what I've heard, it doesn't sound good."

"Oh, God," Meredith's jaw dropped. She could tell from the looks on Webber's and Bailey's face that they didn't know that the driver of the SUV was, in fact, Izzie Stevens.

"Wait, the Crazy Shepherd is back?" Miranda Bailey's face plastered with shock. "I thought she was hiding out in Shepherd's trailer with Hunt, like all the other looneys in this hospital do when they go to the deep end. Now, suddenly, she's back in the OR?"

"Hunt approved her to go back to work," Meredith said dryly; she was tired of people referring to Amelia as 'crazy.' Because, frankly, Meredith didn't believe Amelia was crazy. She might be broken inside, she might be a bit dark and twisty, but she wasn't crazy. She wasn't any crazier than any other doctor at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.

"Oh, _did he_ now? Is he sure that she's mentally stable to be in the operating room? I've heard some pretty crazy things about her," Dr. Bailey said suspiciously.

"With all due respect, Dr. Bailey, you of all people should understand that everyone has the right to redeem themselves after a bad situation, and I can testify to that, considering _I _was the first person you operated on after you'd locked yourself in your research lab for weeks," Meredith said tartly. Bailey's eyes widened. Meredith was tempted to throw up the fact that Bailey had actually _killed _patients with her infection; what Amelia had done was nowhere comparable. Meredith bit her tongue at that thought, though, since technically, Dr. Bailey had been cleared of all responsibility for the deaths. The deaths had been the result of faulty gloves that the hospital had purchased when Pegasus had tried to take over the hospital. Meredith inhaled a deep, stale breath of air. "Now, not another word about Amelia's competence as a surgeon. If Hunt thinks she's ready to operate, she's ready." Meredith's voice was stern and matter-of-fact. She left a dumbfounded Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber as she made her way to OR 1, per Amelia's instructions.

She didn't take time to let Leah's and Shane's deaths sink in. It was sad, sure, but she wasn't particularly close to either of them, so she had a hard time feeling too upset about their deaths. They were young surgeons who possibly could have become great surgeons. Now, they were gone. In a sick, twisted way, it was funny, because about a year earlier they'd blamed Leah for the patients who had died as a result of Dr. Bailey's infection. She'd told Cristina that they might lose her from the program. Now, she was really gone.

Shane was closer to Cristina than any of the other attendings. Meredith wondered if anyone had told Cristina yet. The news was still fresh. Surely they would call a board meeting later to discuss how to break it to the rest of the hospital. Meredith was sure that Hunt was waiting to hear about the driver's condition before causing an uprising in the hospital. The _possible victim_, if Shane and Leah were indeed responsible_, _who so few currently knew her real identity.

An array of emotions traveled through Meredith's body - anger, sadness, confusion, worry. She entered the scrub room and saw that Callie and Amelia were already operating. She felt mildly lightheaded again as she scrubbed. She inhaled a deep breath and closed her eyes, and then finally entered the scrub room.

It was the first time she'd seen Izzie up close since the accident. Her face was swollen, and covered with cuts, bruises, and abrasions that made her beyond recognizable. Meredith's stomach tied into a knot as sickness swept over her. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. How long would it be before the rest of the hospital realized the true identity of the patient? Could she, in fact, get in trouble for not coming forward right away? She looked at Amelia. Amelia, too, knew it was Izzie and, yet, she hadn't said anything, because otherwise Webber and Bailey would have known it was Izzie.

"How is she?" she asked, looking at Amelia, whose face was grim. She hovered immediately hovered over Amelia's shoulder, since she was supposed to be observing her.

"See for yourself," Amelia grimly replied. Meredith looked at the enlarged scan on the computer monitor that showed Izzie's entire brain.

"Is that...holy crap." Meredith's eyes were focused on the cerebral cortex. "That's a massive tumor on her cerebral cortex." But that wasn't the part of the brain Amelia was currently operating on that, and Meredith soon realized. the massive skull fracture on the occipital lobe side of the brain. Amelia was working to drain the hematoma present in that part of the brain.

"The tumor would certainly explain why she stole the car," Amelia muttered as she focused intently on the brain. Meredith hovered over her shoulder as she carefully watched Amelia's every move. Her moves were precise. Her surgical style reminded Meredith very much of Derek's. Like brother like sister.

"It was a stolen vehicle, then?" Meredith had suspected. _The tumor would explain everything. _The cerebral cortex controlled one's decision making process. It would explain why Izzie ran, even though there was no true reason for her to run from the police. The question was: how long had the tumor been there? It _was _incredibly massive. Surely, it couldn't have been there four years ago when Izzie left Alex without a word. Derek would have caught it then. Unless, of course, it was so tiny at the time that they'd missed it on the regular MRI. But, still, Izzie claimed to have been getting yearly physicals. Surely, if the tumor had been there for some time, a doctor somewhere would have caught it.

"I overheard the police talking," Amelia admitted. "The SUV was stolen."

"Sounds like we have a bad girl on our hands!" Callie spoke for the first time since Meredith had entered the room. She was on the other end of the table, apparently operating on Izzie's left leg. Meredith stomach turned again, and she inhaled a deep breath. The operating room was freezing ass cold. Her skin was iceberg. The OR was always cold, but after years of surgery, she'd gotten used to it. But right now, the frigid air tingled on her skin. Her hands felt like ice. She could barely breathe. Meredith closed her eyes and slowly inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. She was okay. She would be okay. Izzie would be okay. Everyone would be okay. "Are you okay, Grey?" She blinked at the sound of Callie's voice.

"Yeah… fine…" she replied, as suddenly her body went from frigid cold to fuming hot. Sweat dripped down her forehead, and she wanted to strip her scrubs off; she was so hot. Was she actually having cold and hot flashes? She'd heard they were awful and sporadic, but she'd never imagined anything like this before. If she hadn't gotten her period the night before, she would have sworn she was going through menopause. But she was certain that wasn't it.

"Oh, really?" Callie Torres lifted a brow. "You don't look fine, and what are you doing here anyway? We didn't call for a general consult."

"She's here to make sure I don't go nuts in the middle of surgery," Amelia said tartly. "The chief ordered her to babysit me. Hey, Mer, make yourself useful. Give me suction."

Meredith took the surgical suction pump and did as Amelia insisted. It'd been three weeks since she'd had her hands near a brain. The last person's brain she'd had her hands on was James Peterson. Before James, she hadn't had her hands near an open brain in two years, when she chose to leave neuro. But here she was, looking directly at the outskirts of Izzie Stevens's brain, and suddenly, she felt high. Like she was on drugs. The pain in her stomach subsided. She wasn't supposed to feel _this _good from looking at an open human brain, right?

"Oh." Callie's eyes shot wide open as she focused on the leg. "Damn, her entire femur is shattered. She won't be walking for a long time. Are you sure it was a car crash? She looks like she fell off a cliff. Amelia told me that you two encountered the scene of the accident on your way to the hospital this morning."

"The car was completely totaled," Meredith said coolly. "To be honest, I-I didn't think she'd make it this far." Meredith swallowed, recalling the devastating image of the totaled SUV in her head. She felt sick again. She knew the moment of bliss had been too good to be true. Her heart pounded; stomach acid made its way up her throat, and the acid burned down her throat as she swallowed it. The site of the accident was a disturbing thought. She pictured little Blake off in the distance, away from the car. How had he gotten out of the car? Somehow, he'd managed to escape to the sidewalk, and he'd gone unnoticed by the paramedics and police.

_Beep beep_, someone's phone vibrated on the table that the doctors left their phones while they were operating. "That's mine, can you check that?" Callie asked a scrub nurse whose name Meredith didn't know. The nurse reached for Callie's phone.

"It's Arizona. She wants you to know that Sofia is with Derek, and he's planning on bringing the kids in later, so you're not to worry if Sofia isn't in daycare," the scrub nurse informed Callie. It had been at least twenty minutes since Meredith had left Blake and Arizona, and it had taken that long for Arizona to text Callie? Meredith wondered how things were going with Alex and Blake.

"Oh, all right," Callie looked at Meredith for a second. "Reply and tell her I'm in surgery the other Shepherd and Grey, and I don't know how long I'll be here. Oh, and add "XOXO" at the end of the text."

A giggle escaped Meredith's lips without a second thought. She and Amelia both shared a quick look.

"Oh, come on! Hugs and kisses. You don't send Derek hugs and kisses, Meredith?" Callie gasped.

"Oh, I send Derek lots of hugs and kisses," Meredith insisted, winking. "Derek just hates texting, so I usually give them to him in person, you know."

"Yeah, believe me, she does. I've seen," Amelia said dryly, then she laughed.

"Just like you send Owen lots of hugs and kisses, right?" Meredith pointed out, knowing Amelia had no room to laugh now that she'd walked in on Owen and Amelia doing the dirty. Amelia immediately shut her mouth.

"Wait, am I missing something here?" Callie asked suddenly. Amelia's face flushed a bright pink color. "Hold up, you're _sleeping _with Owen, aren't you? Dang, I should have known better than to think you hiding out at his trailer was purely innocent. You do know that…"

"Callie," Meredith said sternly. "Stop."

"Stop? You're not at all upset that your _sister-in-law _is banging your best friend's ex-husband? That doesn't disturb you at all? What does Cristina think about this?" Callie insisted.

"You know, can we, uh, not talk about my love life?" Amelia insisted. "I kinda liked when nobody was prying and prodding into my life, and I thought I could trust you to keep a secret, Meredith. Maybe I was wrong about you after all."

"In my defense, you opened that window," Meredith said tartly, and she exhaled. Her heart was pounding fiercely against her chest.. "Let's just focus on the surgery, okay? We've got a brain open on the table here. One wrong move, and she could die. We don't want that, do we?" _Izzie could die_.

The door suddenly swung open, and there was Derek wearing his ferryboat scrub cap.

"Amy, step away from the patient," Derek said sternly, his deep blue eyes stared steadily on his sister sister.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, this is _my _OR and my patient, so I will not be stepping away from the patient, and you'll be getting the hell out of _my _OR!" Amelia reacted immediately, her voice bellowed as she looked up at her older brother, whose face immediately filled with anger.

"You've been hiding in my trailer, probably high on drugs and alcohol and God knows what else you put in your system for three weeks, and then Meredith talks to you and suddenly you decide you're well enough to perform brain surgery? It doesn't work that way, little sis!" Derek bellowed.

Amelia's hand froze. Her face was terror-struck as she looked at Derek. "Get. Out. Of. My. OR."

"And you…" Derek looked at Meredith. "You didn't tell me that you talked to her. And here you are, in surgery with her. _This _is why I hate texting. You led me to believe that Amelia ignored you. I had to find out that Amy was back at the hospital from Arizona Robbins!"

"I did not lie," Meredith said carefully. "I merely said that we'd talk about it later. It wasn't a good time."

"Could you, uh, maybe take this fight elsewhere? I'm trying to concentrate, unless you _want _this patient to die or never walk again," Callie demanded.

"Derek, you're doing more harm than good. Get the hell out," Amelia snapped. Meredith's heart broke as she locked eyes with her husband.

"Derek," she said quietly, setting down the suction pump. She led him into the scrub room and washed her hands; she would have to re-scrub anyway. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I'd talked to Amelia, but Iit just wasn't good time. And she wasn't ready to talk to you yet."

Her stomach was twisting and turning. She grabbed the metal sink. The cool metal sunk into her skin, and a chill swept through her body.

"Does she know who she's operating on?" Derek asked. "Does she know she's operating on Izzie Stevens?"

So, Arizona had told him. That made at least four people who knew that was Izzie Stevens on the table: Arizona, Derek, Amelia, and herself. She was sure Alex knew by now, too. It would only be a matter of time before the entire hospital knew, and the police would be questioning them.

"She does, Derek. Your sister is a highly competent surgeon, and she's not the first Shepherd to operate on Izzie Stevens after having a mental breakdown," Meredith pointed out. She reached for his cheek and stroked it gently. "You have to give her a little credit, Derek. So, she made a mistake, but she didn't make it in the OR. That's more than most of us can say. She's a very good surgeon. I've been watching her. You should be proud of her, because she reminds me a lot of you. She's a little stubborn like you, too." Meredith laughed gently. Her eyes felt heavy as she gazed into Derek's shiny blue eyes.

He nodded. "Okay. Maybe I was out of line in there. I shouldn't have burst into that OR like that." Meredith's stomach turned as she nodded in agreement. "Mer, are you all right?" He grabbed her shoulders. "You look pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she insisted, trying to shake the stomachache off. _It's just a stomachache, _she tried to tell herself. _It's nerves. You're worried about Izzie. _Worrying: it seemed to be what she did best. She tried to stay strong for everyone else, but inside she was a mess. Inside, she couldn't stop thinking about all the things could go around. She thought about Blake and Alex. How were they doing? As soon as Izzie was out of surgery, she planned to go find them. "Did you drop the kids at daycare?"

Derek nodded and laughed lightly. "What, did you think I left them home alone?"

"No, do you think I'm nuts?" Meredith widened her eyes. "I was just asking to make sure."

"Relax, Mer, I was being sarcastic," Derek laughed, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Are you sure you're right? You just don't look like you feel well. Are you sure you should be in surgery?" He placed the back of his hand on her forehead, seeming to be checking to see if she had a fever. "You're a little warm, too."

"Derek, I'm fine. Don't you have a plane to catch? What time is it, anyway?" she asked.

"It's one o'clock. I don't have to be to the airport for three hours," he said.

"So go down and play with the kids, do something, but stay far away from this surgery. Amelia, Callie, and I have it handled," Meredith insisted.

She saw more confusion sweep over his face. "What's your role in there, anyway? It looked like you were working with Amy." He looked perplexed.

"Hunt ordered me to keep an eye on her," Meredith said; she swallowed. She wasn't about to tell Derek what she'd walked in on that morning. Amelia already was furious because she'd indirectly told Callie. _She'd opened that window_ _herself, though. _ "So, that's what I'm doing. I'm keeping an eye on her."

"You're keeping an eye on her during a neuro procedure," Derek pointed out.

"It's nothing," she insisted, but her husband didn't look convinced. "Seriously!"

"If say so, Meredith." He kissed her cheek again.

"Now, get! Go to DC! We'll be fine. Oh, and you should probably call your sister later to apologize, if she chooses to answer, and if she doesn't - which I won't blame her - you should leave her an apologetic voicemail," Meredith ordered matter-of-factly. Then she added, "It's the brotherly thing to do."

Derek chuckled; his eyes twinkled. "Since when are _you _the expert on all things sibling related? I thought you didn't do families." He raised an eyebrow.

Meredith exhaled. The truth was, which she didn't want to admit to Derek, ever since Lexie had died, all Meredith could think about was what a crappy sister she was to her. She treated her like shit during the beginning of their relationship. All Lexie wanted was to get to know her, but Meredith had been too stubborn. She'd pushed her away. And just when she'd learn to love Lexie, learned to accept her as her sister, _BAM_, she was gone. It was too late.

"Derek, just do it. She's your sister, and one day she might not be here and you'll regret being such an ass to her," Meredith told him and started to re-scrub her hands. When she finished, she looked back at him. His eyes gleamed into hers. "Derek, I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too," he replied sincerely. He was looking at her with concern in his eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? Because I happen to know, you're the _queen_ of saying you're fine when you're not."

"Derek. I'm sure," she said, then exhaled obnoxiously, "Cramps."

"Oh," Derek said. Derek wasn't the kind of guy who got embarrassed at the mention of periods and cramps like a lot of guys. He'd grown up with sisters, so he was used to it. "Well, in that case, if you didn't have to go back into surgery and wanted to escape with me for a little bit, maybe I can help with your cramps, you know." There it was. His dreamy smile. Meredith's heart fluttered in an instance.

"And what? Bloody up the sheets in the on-call room?" she replied. It wasn't that she didn't want or desire him. It was hard to say no to those sparkling blue eyes. She had never been good at saying no. Well, she was good at saying no, but she wasn't good at following through. The fact that they'd gone three weeks without sex after she found out about Derek's new job offer still blew her mind. She was never _that _good at self-control.

Truth be told, not even a screaming orgasm could make her feel better right now, because she knew it wasn't _just _cramps. Her stomach tightened; and if they were cramps, they were worst cramps she'd ever experienced during her life. But Derek didn't need to know that. She didn't want to worry him, especially when he was about to go out of town for work. Right now, she didn't have time to be sick. In this moment, she knew she had to push through. She had too many people counting on her: Owen, Alex, Amelia, Derek, Blake, Izzie, her own kids… she couldn't be sick. She needed to push through. She was a surgeon. Surgeons pushed through. She would arrange for an appointment with another doctor, one outside her friendship circle, as soon as she knew how Izzie was doing and how Alex and Blake were holding up.

Derek's mind was in the gutter. He gave her a cheesy smile. "Well, we could do what we did that one time...the time you left your tampon in…and my mouth..."

Meredith's eyes widened. "No, we swore we'd never do that again, because you hated it."

"It wasn't so bad," Derek shrugged.

"No," she said flatly. "I have to get back into surgery, and I'm already scrubbed." She raised her fingers and wiggled them. "Owen ordered me to keep an eye on your sister, Derek, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do." She looked back at him one last time, realizing this would be the last time she would see her husband for a couple days, then she entered the operating room. When she looked back through the scrub room window, Derek was gone.

Callie and Amelia were operating in silence when she re-entered the operating room.

"Thank you, Meredith," Amelia whispered softly. "Thanks for getting him out of here."

"Don't thank me. He had no right to barge in here like he did. I was just doing the right thing," Meredith insisted.

"He shouldn't have spoken to you the way he did, either," Amelia insisted. "But it's Derek, he lets his rage get the best of him sometimes. He means well, I know, but he doesn't always think about how his actions affect others. I'm just, ugh, so pissed that he actually thinks I was at Owen's drinking and doing drugs. I'm pregnant. I would never expose my unborn child to the poison. I mean, before, it was just _my _body, which I never really cared that much about. But now I'm housing another human being here! I can't even imagine...Derek doesn't know me at all."

"To be fair, Amelia, you don't really know him, either," Meredith pointed out, regaining access to the suction pump as she proceeded to assist Amelia. "He's not the same person he was eight years ago."

Amelia looked flabberghasted at first, but then she released a sigh. "I guess you're right. I'm equally to blame for our strained relationship. Plus, he's right, I haven't really given him a chance to trust me. It seems every time I show up here I'm looking for help, whether it be professionally or personally. I never just call Derek to talk to him, and I never just come visit for the heck of it. Hell, I never even _call _before I visit."

Meredith laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing, Amelia. You've just said what I've been thinking for a long time now. I'm glad you realize it, though," she said.

"Just admit it, Meredith, your husband's an ass," Callie insisted.

Meredith bit her lip and was trying hard not to exhilarate too much pressure on the suction pump, because that could be very, very bad. She exhaled a loud sigh. "My husband is an ass," she said slowly, "but," she continued, "he is _my _ass, meaning I get to call him an ass. He's Amelia's brother, so she can call him an ass too, because well, I may not be the pro on sibling relationships, since my only sister I ever really knew is dead, and she was only part of my life for a brief period of time, but I'm pretty sure that's what siblings do. That's what I gathered from novels and television shows anyway. They call each other names, they give each other a hard time, so Amelia can call Derek whatever the hell she wants. But you, Callie, you don't get to call him an ass." She exhaled an obnoxious sigh; she was certain that had all been PMS talking.

Callie and Amelia both stared dumb struck.

"Damn, you go, girl," Amelia murmured.

Callie set down her scalpel. "Well, good thing I'm about done here. Just need to close her up. I've done all I can do," she said, and then a phone buzzed again. "That's my phone again." Callie looked over at the scrub nurse, whose color had been stripped from her face after Meredith's sudden outburst.

"It's Arizona again," the scrub nurse announced. "She wants to know if you're operating on Izzie Stevens."

Callie's jaw dropped as her eyes jetted toward Amelia and Meredith. "There must be some mistake," Callie said. "Why does my wife think I'm operating on _Izzie Stevens_?" Meredith and Amelia both shared a look. "And by the look on your faces, you know exactly why." Callie looked closer at the patient's face, specifically eyeing her eyes. "Holy Hell."

"Uh, I don't know what you're talking about," Amelia insisted. "This patient's name is Rachel Simmons. Why would she be Izzie Stevens?" Amelia's voice shook; she wasn't overly convincing.

"Is that so?" Callie raised an eyebrow, seemingly uncertain as she looked at Meredith. "Is that your story, too, Meredith?"

Meredith exhaled. She couldn't lie anymore, because she knew Arizona already knew the truth, so it was only a matter of time before she spilled to Callie. "She had a fake ID," Meredith confessed. "I only knew it was her because...because...I found Blake at the scene. I brought him to the hospital and handed him over to Robbins to look after. I wanted to give him time to bond with his father before this all blew up and everyone realized who this really was. It was stupid, I know, but I had good intentions."

Callie's cocoa brown eyes watered up. "No, it wasn't stupid," Callie insisted. "You were doing what you thought was best for Blake. Alex was the stupid one to file the false report. Yeah, we all know that Izzie wasn't a child abuser. This is the girl who got attached to her patients, the girl who barely knew how to kill a fly."

"Alex tried to take back his statement," Meredith said, "but the police still wanted to investigate, because it's their job. And Blake told me that Izzie told him his father hated him. This is the only way Blake could have a chance at getting to know Alex without knowing he was his father. If I told the police upfront who she was, then they'd take Blake away and that chance would be gone. I just needed to buy some time."

"We're done," Amelia said finally, exhaling. "The bleeding has stopped, and now we just need to close her up and we've done all we can do for now."

* * *

><p>She and Amelia stood outside Izzie's hospital room. The tubes connected to her body were keeping her alive. She'd made it through surgery, but there was still no indication that she would be her old self.<p>

"I thought about resecting the tumor in surgery," confessed Amelia.

"That would have been a terrible idea," Meredith said, recalling when she had given Lexie the okay to remove a tumor without the patient's permission. The patient had woken up, unable to speak, and she would never speak properly again. It was a horrible idea.

"I know," Amelia said, "and even if she does wake up and is fine, she's going to have to undergo surgery as soon as possible again. I'd say within the next week, though we don't know how fast the tumor is growing. I'm going to keep a close eye on it."

"I just can't help but wonder if it's been there for years," Meredith sighed. "Izzie left kind of sporadically. She didn't say goodbye. It really hurt Alex. It took my calling her to tell her Alex was starting to move on with my sister, Lexie, to get her to come back. Even then...she was weird. Could this tumor have been present all along and we just missed it back then? Could the other doctors have missed it too?"

"It's possible," Amelia said, "especially if the tumor was small. If it's been there for more than four years, then that tells me the tumor is slow growing. It's clearly affecting her now."

"Stealing cars and giving herself and her child a new identity is definitely a little out of character. I mean, she's known for running off, but now, I can't help but wonder if that was tumor related too," Meredith sighed.

"It's possible that the tumor was very small, too, which is why it would have been missed on an MRI or CT scan until recently, and then it just metastasized all at once. I've seen that happen numerous times, too."

"She used to see a ghost...Denny," Meredith said, "her ex-boyfriend or whatever he was - he was a patient that she fell in love with. Derek had trouble locating the tumor that was causing her to hallucinate, but he finally found it. He had to force her to hallucinate in order to find the part of the brain that lit up during the hallucination."

"So, it's definitely possible that this tumor has been here all along," Amelia nodded. "Hey, Mer?"

"Yeah?" she responded.

"Before we arrived at the scene of the accident, you started to tell me something," Amelia said.

Meredith swallowed, deciding now wasn't the time. "It's nothing, Amelia."

"Are you sure?" Amelia asked. "You know, Callie was right, your complexion has been pretty pale today. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith snapped. "I'm going to go check on Blake, assuming child services hasn't taken him away."

She darted away toward the peds floor. She was feeling dizzy again. Earlier, she'd planned to tell Amelia it all. She'd planned to have tests run to get to the bottom of the sketchy blood test results she'd gotten the day before. Life had thrown her another curve ball, though. The last thing she'd expected was to find herself on the site of an accident involving her former roommate and close friend. The accident also which involved two of her students. Two of her students were dead now.

Meredith gulped as she entered the peds floor and walked right into Arizona Robbins. Her blood cooled as they locked eyes. "How is he?" she asked, though she wasn't sure if she was talking about Blake or Alex.

"Blake is doing well," Arizona said; she smiled allowing her perfect white teeth to show. "The police have been by; they know he's here. I've recommended he spend the night for observation. I did find that he has a mild concussion that should be monitored closely." Arizona winked friendly.

Meredith released a sigh of relief. "And Alex?"

"Alex is the doctor on-call tonight. He's planning on keeping a close eye on his patient, Blake Stevens," Arizo

"He's all right?"

"Why not ask him for yourself?" Arizona pointed down the hall. "Last door on the right."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled friendly at Arizona. "You know, you didn't have to…"

"I care about Alex, so of course I had to," Arizona insisted, and Meredith fully understood. They'd both had the same intention: they were looking out for Alex.

Meredith tapped gently on the door. She entered the room to find Alex sitting on a stool next to Blake's bed. Blake was lying in a hospital gown. Alex appeared to be reading a Superman comic to Blake.

"Meredif!" Blake's face lit up when Meredith entered the room.

"Hey, Blake!" Meredith extended her fist and gave the little guy a fist pump.

"How's my mommy? Can I see her?" Blake's brown eyes lit up with hope.

Meredith met eyes with Alex, whose eyes were just a larger version of his son's. The resemblance was uncanny. Blake was, without a doubt, Alex Karev's son. Alex, however, didn't share the same hopefulness as little Blake.

"Your mommy's asleep right now, and we need to let her rest," Meredith told him.

"But she's alive?" he asked.

Meredith nodded. "Yes, Blake, she is alive."

"Yay!" Blake exclaimed. "I was so worried. She's gonna be okay?"

Meredith looked at Alex again, who shook his head. "We hope so," she said, though she didn't want to make any promises to the boy. He'd been through enough already. "But we won't know until later."

"But you said I could see her later," Blake sighed. "It's later."

"I know, honey. You're just going to have to wait a little longer," she told him. "Your mommy needs rest." She took his hand and gently stroked it, while looked at Alex. "So, has Dr. Karev been a good doctor?"

Blake's eyes instantly went from sad to gleaming. "Dr. Karev is the bestest doctor ever! He's reading me Superman comics! I've _never _had a doctor read me Superman comics before."

"That's pretty cool, Dr. Karev," Meredith winked at Alex. "Blake, you won't mind if I steal Dr. Karev for a moment, will you? He'll be right back, and then I'll bring Zozo up to see you.." Blake's face lit up when Meredith mentioned Zola, and he nodded excitedly. Alex got off the stool and followed her into the hallway.

"So, Izzie must be pretty shit faced if you're not letting Blake go see her," Alex laughed. "Serves the bitch right for hiding Blake from me all this time. Now, at least I have him in my corner. The kid loves me. Arizona told me that this was your idea, Mer. Thank you."

Meredith frowned, giving Alex a stern look. "You're not the least bit worried about Izzie?"

"Why should I be?" Alex shrugged. "Honestly? I hope she dies, then Blake is all mine. He's my son. The boy should be with his father. It's bad enough I missed four years of his life."

Meredith had expected Alex to be more worried about Blake than Izzie, but she hadn't anticipated he'd be this cold about it. Though, thinking about it harder, she wasn't surprised that he was reacting this way.

"Izzie was your wife," she said. "She's the mother of your son. You don't think Blake should have his mother in his life, too?"

Alex shrugged. "Jo will make a great mom. She's been over here today talking to Blake too. Blake adores her. I think we'll be fine as a family. He deserves a little sanity in his life! Something Izzie has never given him."

"Alex!" Meredith gasped just as her heart rate sped faster and faster out of control. Her entire body pulsated. Throbbing. She gasped for a breath of air. Her lungs tightened as she tried to breathe. She felt like she'd just finished running a marathon. Her lungs felt heavy as she tried to gasp for air. Her stomach muscles tightened, and she struggled to maintain her balance. The walls circled faster and faster around her body. Suddenly, she felt like she was on the Silly Silo at the carnival. Gravity was pulling her down.

"Mer?" Alex's voice echoed in her head. The walls were spinning faster and faster and faster. _Too fast. _Her toes tingled with numbness. She couldn't feel the floor beneath her. She was free falling and her head buzzed louder and louder _and louder_. She felt like she was about to die. "MER?" Alex's voice echoed louder as she collapsed into his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I PROMISE you'll find out what's wrong with Mer next chapter!**


	37. Chapter 37

"Why didn't she tell someone?"

"I knew I should have looked at the results. I was just being the good friend, by not being nosy. I honestly thought she was pregnant."

"I bet this is what she was going to tell me before we arrived at the site of Izzie's accident. Then she was so worried about everyone else, that she didn't stop to take care of herself."

"At least she's stabilized now…"

The muffled voices spun in Meredith's head as her eyes regained focus. Her head throbbed with pain as she slowly opened her eyes. Meredith coughed and gasped for air, reaching to remove the oxygen mask that was sending too much oxygen through her system.

The room was freezing. Goosebumps crawled up her skin. When she moved her left arm to brush aside a piece of hair that was hanging over her eyes, she noticed the IV connected to her left arm that was sending fluids through her body.

She listened to the rhythmic sound coming from her heart monitor.

"Hold up, she's awake!" Meredith blinked quickly. The room came into full focus. Alex, Cristina, and Amelia surrounded her. Alex was closest to her. "You scared the Hell out of us, Mer."

Her head was still throbbing. She struggled to recall what had happened. Meredith strained her brain to recall her last memory. She was talking to Alex in the hallway, and then all of a sudden…

Did she have a heart attack?

Everything had gone numb. Her chest was pounding viciously in her chest. She couldn't breathe. All were symptoms of a heart attack. She was still wearing her scrubs, though, so that meant she hadn't been opened up.

"H-How long was I out?" she coughed her first words since she'd woken.

"Only about ten minutes," Cristina told her. Okay, she was fairly certain she hadn't had a heart attack. She'd never had one, but she knew that she would be feeling a hell of a lot worse now if she'd had one ten minutes ago. Heart attacks were described as _crushing_. Although she knew symptoms of heart attacks in women were often completely different than those in men. She'd had female patients who'd come in with just nausea, a symptom she'd been experiencing all day, and it'd turned out they were having a heart attack.

"I thought you wouldn't want this blasted all over the hospital until we knew what was going on, so I only paged Cristina," Alex informed her.

Meredith was confused. "And Amelia?"

Alex and Cristina both rolled their eyes.

"I just happened to be passing by when I saw Alex maniacally carrying you...I followed after," Amelia said, then she rolled her eyes. "Why, in God's name, didn't you tell me when asked? We pulled your lab results from yesterday. You've been feeling like shit all day; everyone's been commenting on it. I know I didn't say anything, because I thought it wasn't any of my business and I personally hate when people pry into my life. But this is something worth prying into."

Meredith swallowed, trying to maintain a normal breathing rhythm. "I was gonna tell you. I was going to run tests today, that was the plan...then the accident happened and I thought I could push through." She was fighting back tears and then mouthed, "Derek."

"It's five o'clock now. I called the airline, but the flight had literally taken off just minutes earlier. I left him a voicemail and told him to call me," Amelia said.

Meredith's jaw dropped. "Y-You didn't tell him, did you?"

"Well, I figured this isn't the kind of news he'd want to hear via voicemail when he first steps off a plane on the other side of the country, so no," Amelia sighed.

"Don't tell him," Meredith said sternly. "You can't. He can't know. He'll think he needs to fly back here, and I've already given him enough shit about this job. I can't have him think I'm seeking pity from him or trying to interrupt this new job. He already knows how much I hate him being away. He'll think I planned this."

"For God's sake, Mer. This is your health!" Cristina cried. "We have blood tests to prove something's not right."

"You fainted in my arms, Mer, in the middle of lecturing me. I'm pretty sure you didn't plan that. Your heart was racing a million miles an hour," Alex added.

"Oh, and let's not forget, your _white cell count _is elevated above the normal level," Cristina said. "And you knew this yesterday, and you said nothing. You're a _fricking _doctor, Mer, and you know that early diagnosis is imperative. Why would you wait another minute to get examined? I don't understand. I'm sorry, Mer. I just don't understand you anymore. I know you're all about being the hero and whatever; you stick your hand in body cavities with bombs and jump in front of gunman, but this has _got _to be the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"I know!" Meredith shouted. "I don't need a lecture!" She'd never seen Cristina like this before. Usually, Cristina's response was _whatever _to everything, but now, all of a sudden, Meredith could sense the worry and fear in her voice.

"We've already been through the cancer process once," Cristina said. She leaned over Meredith and put her hand on Meredith's shoulder. "And look what's happened to Izzie now."

Meredith tried not to cry, but tears streamed down her face. "How is Izzie?" She looked over at Amelia.

"No word yet," Amelia said. "Edwards is watching her."

"I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle," Cristina rolled her eyes. "We go from Seattle Grace _Mercy Death _Hospital to _GraveStone _Memorial Hospital. The cycle never ends."

"Oh, shut up, Cristina," Alex spat. "Mer doesn't even know if it's cancer. None of us do. It might be something completely different. There are a lot of reasons her white cell count could be elevated. You're a doctor, you should know that."

"And nearly all of them are deadly!" Cristina shot. "Leukemia is the most likely. There's also tuberculosis - though, I doubt it's that, because she'd have a hell of a lot more visible symptoms. It could just be a viral infection. Mer, what other symptoms have you been having? Have you been experiencing nausea, unusual stools, blood in the urine, anything?"

Not normal questions friends asked friends. There wasn't a day that went by that Meredith wasn't reminded that all her friends were also doctors. "Uhh…nausea, yes. That's why I thought I was pregnant, then I got the test results...and I got my period last night, so I blamed cramps at first, then the nausea worsened today. I thought maybe it was just nerves, because I couldn't get the test results off my mind. Mental-induced symptoms are common."

"In other words, you felt like shit, you saw the results the day before, _and _you were in a hospital full of machines, and you did nothing?" Alex asked.

"And you tell me to shut up," Cristina said slyly and rolled her eyes.

"Basically," Meredith sighed. "Guys, you don't need to remind me that I'm stupid. I know it was a bonehead, very stupid, move, but there was so much going on…Izzie's accident…"

"Trust me, Mer, your health is more important than Izzie's. That—uh, I mean, your health should come before anyone else's." Meredith could tell that he did, in fact, mean what he said about her health being more important than Izzie's, and his second sentence had been simply a cover up.

"Well, you can't say she's selfish," Cristina said dryly, and she started to take Meredith's blood pressure. Meredith could feel the band tightening on her arm. "We're going to run every test in this hospital, okay, Mer?"

"Okay," she exhaled. "Just please, please, I beg of you, do not, _do not _tell Derek. I don't want to ruin his White House trip, and I certainly don't want him to rush back here for me. It's only going to be two days, so we can deal with this when he gets back. And by then, I'll have actual answers. I'd hate to freak him out for nothing."

"He'll be pissed," Amelia pointed out. "Just like I was when you didn't tell me about James." Her eyes glistened sadly as she mentioned James's name.

"Then he'll be pissed," Meredith sighed. "It's better than him missing out on this opportunity because of me. I already feel horrible after all the shit I've given him."

"He's Derek. He deserves to have shit thrown at him every now and then - no pun intended. It's what keeps him halfway human." Amelia's lips broke a smile. "And he loves you, Meredith. I've never seen him so in love with before - certainly not with Addison. You probably should tell him, but I'll respect your wishes. I won't tell him. Besides, when he sees the call's from me, he'll probably think I'm calling to make things right between us, which I guess I should, technically."

Meredith nodded. "All right. Poke and prod at me." She extended her arms.

"You know, there's one thing you guys haven't mentioned, that it could be…" Amelia said; everyone's eyes were on her. "You could be experiencing the side effects of chronic stress. What did you feel before you passed out, Mer?"

"Uh...everything went numb. My heart was beating rapidly. I thought I was having a heart attack. It felt like I was about to die...I couldn't breathe…"

"Do you have a history of anxiety attacks?" Amelia asked. "Because it sounds like you're describing an anxiety attack to me."

She'd completely forgotten what an anxiety attack felt like. It had been so long.

"I used to carry around a brown paper bag in college on test days," Meredith confessed. "But I never passed out…and it was never so spur-of-the-moment. It was always about an hour before test. I haven't had them in years, so it's insane to think I'd start having them now. You know, I'd always have severe cramping and nausea before tests too. Many of the symptoms I've been experiencing lately are just worsened versions of stress symptoms I've always experienced. They just also happen to also be the symptoms of some chronic diseases. I really thought it was just stress."

"It still could be," Amelia said. "You've probably been under a lot of stress lately, thanks to me."

"Believe me, it's not just you," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We all have high demanding careers, so we're all stressed out all the time. I don't know how every doctor on this planet isn't running around with ulcers in their stomachs. I may have an ulcer, too. I don't know that didn't cross my mind until now. When it was my appendix, the first thought that crossed my mind was ulcer. Hey, at least we know it's not my appendix. That's been gone for a while now."

Alex and Cristina exchanged looks. Cristina shook her head and laughed. "Doctors make the _worst _patients. Will you shut up and let us diagnose you?"

"Hey, _I'm _just offering up ideas. It's my body. I think I know my body better than any of you, and it just happens to help that I have a medical degree to back my diagnoses up. It's not like I'm Googling my symptoms or going to WebMD and shouting out random illnesses."

Alex lifted her arm and started feeling her arm pit.

"All right, Alex, I know you've always dreamt about feeling me up…"

"Will you shut up? I'm checking for enlarged lymph nodes." He felt under her arms and neck. "Okay, I'm _not _checking your groin. But you don't have any swollen lymph nodes on your neck or arm, so it is _not _cancer. So you can relax, Mer. That should have been the first thing you checked for."

She suddenly felt like an idiot. She was a _surgeon_, a surgeon who knew one of the first symptoms of any cancer was swollen lymph nodes. She'd been so alarmed by the high white blood cell count that she'd wasted so much time worrying rather than checking something simple that could have eased her mind immensely.

"Well, it still could be," Cristina insisted. "I still think we should run a blood test to check for leukemia to make sure."

"Oh, Cristina, will you stop? Do you _want _Mer to have cancer or something? She doesn't have it!" Alex bellowed at Cristina in a voice filled with fury.

"Of COURSE I don't want her to have cancer, you moron," Cristina spat. "I just would rather we be rule out _everything _in case. You never know. And if it is cancer, maybe it hasn't progressed yet. Early diagnosis is crucial! We don't want to wait until she's hallucinating Mark, Lexie, and George!"

Meredith's eyes widened as she made eye contact with a very annoyed Amelia.

"Okay, guys, _this _is the reason friends don't decide friends' treatment plans. I think you two need to get out and let me handle Meredith's tests. I think I'm the most qualified to do that, since I think Alex is right, and all of this is stress induced. In that case, she's a neuro patient anyway."

"Stress also can cause arteries to clog, though, and in that case, she's a cardio patient," Cristina point out.

"OH, MY GOD!" Meredith cried out all of a sudden. All three instantly stared at Meredith.

"Is everything all right, Mer?" Cristina asked.

"Are you in pain?" Alex asked; concern filled in his voice.

"Oh, no, I'm just _peachy,_" Meredith replied, exasperating a loud, obnoxious sigh. "It's just you three are _driving me nuts_. If I wasn't stressed out before, I sure as hell am now. And considering I'm likely suffering from stress, heart disease, cancer, ulcers, and who knows what other diseases I might have - might as well a few brain tumors on top of that - oh I'm just dandy. Dandy as a dandelion. By the way, you three have _terrible _bedside manner. Do you always argue about patients' treatment plans in front of the patient?" Then she shot a glance at Amelia. "And the first thing _you _complained about when you first arrived here was bedside manner. I'm afraid you're not much better than Nelson right now."

"They're the ones who've been bickering nonstop; I was just trying to stop them. You have to agree that I'm the most qualified in the room to treat you. I mean, I _barely _know you. I'm the least emotionally attached."

"She has a point," Meredith said. "Alex and Cristina, you should go. I love you both, and I appreciate that you care...but that's just it. You care too much, and you're not being my doctors right now. You're being my friends, which I appreciate, but you need to go now." She pointed at Cristina and Alex.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Cristina cried, glaring toward Amelia. "You're going to allow a _junkie _to make your medical decisions?"

"I'm with Cristina on this," Alex said. "This chick's basically been in the psych ward trailer for three weeks. I mean, she agrees with me, so that speaks for something, but that's beside the point."

"Okay, first things first," Amelia began in a loud, irritated voice, "I'm not a _chick_. I bear no relation to a chicken. Second, we've all got issues. Alex Karev, right? Oh, I know all sorts of juicy stuff about you."

"Like what?" Alex spat.

A smile escaped Amelia's lips. "Wouldn't you like to know? Now, step away from my patient. Don't you have a kid you need to bond with or something?"

"Alex," Meredith said softly. "Can you do me a favor? Please?"

Alex sighed. "After you just kicked me off your case?"

"I promised Blake that he could see Zola, and Zo and Bailey are down in daycare. I was wondering if you could bring the kids up to see Blake? The kids would love it, and I don't want them to stay in daycare too late. Plus, Zola and Bailey would love some Uncle Alex time, I'm sure."

Alex nodded. "Okay, do you want me to bring them to you after, or should I plan on babysitting tonight?"

"Are you _offering _to babysit tonight?" Meredith asked.

"I was planning on staying on call tonight to stay with Blake," Alex replied hastily.

"Owen and I can watch the kids tonight. We're probably going to need to keep you overnight for observation," Amelia offered. "Owen loves kids, and if anyone needs practice, it's me."

"You're planning on keeping the baby?" Meredith asked with sudden excitement, and Amelia nodded. _She and Derek were officially off the hook. _ "That's great news, Amelia. I'm happy for you."

"Oh, God, you two are getting mushy gushy about babies. I'm getting out of here. I have other patients to tend to," Cristina announced. She turned abruptly to Meredith. "I'll check back later, okay, as your friend."

"Okay." Meredith smiled weakly. Alex and Cristina soon disappeared. She locked eyes with Amelia. "So, do you have any names picked out?"

Amelia laughed. "You sure know how to change the subject off of you, don't you?" She shook her head. "I haven't. Though, I was kind of wondering why you and Derek didn't name your son after Mark. I mean, he _was _Derek's best friend."

Meredith shook her head. "Derek's best friend who just _happened _to sleep with his ex-wife. I don't think Derek ever truly forgave him for that. I mean, they were friends and all again, but Derek never forgot. To answer your question, though, it never really crossed our minds."

Amelia took a needle and wrapped a tourniquet around Meredith's arm; it was the second time Meredith was having blood drawn within a two day period. She exhaled slowly and made a fist as Amelia stuck the needle into her arm. Meredith barely felt the needle enter her arm.

"Derek isn't exactly the forgiving type," Amelia noted. "It's one of his major weaknesses."

"He's forgiven me plenty of times," Meredith said. "He forgave me for drowning when I knew how to swim, and for messing up his Alzheimer's trial."

"You drowned yourself?" Amelia asked.

"Not intentionally," she said adamantly. "I just quit swimming...it's a long story."

"You basically tried to kill yourself?" she asked.

Meredith's face burned. "I didn't fall in the water on purpose. There was a ferryboat crash, and I was helping a victim and I fell into the water accidentally. I could have swum to the shore, but the water was so cold, and I was careless. I didn't think anyone was miss me. It was selfish, and I'm not sure why I brought this up. It's an old skeleton Derek and I don't talk about. He stopped trusting me afterward, and we broke up for a while. Derek...he pulled me out of the water. I was hypothermic, and I was dead for like three hours."

"I didn't mean to rehash an old wound," Amelia said slowly. "Wow, Meredith, that's...that's...wow. We have more in common than I realized." She was fighting back a tear, then she added quietly, "Derek has seen us both death."

"I forgot," Meredith said. "Derek, uh, told me that he revived you after…"

"An overdose," Amelia finished. "You know, he hasn't looked at me the same way since?"

"I didn't think he ever would look at me the same way, either," Meredith said, "but...we've put it past us, and it's not something I've even thought about or talked to anyone about in a long, _long _time."

"Derek doesn't talk about things that bring back painful memories if he can help it," Amelia said. "You know, you've got a pretty twisted past. Derek does too, but his method of coping is avoidance and denial."

"I guess I'm like that in a way, too," Meredith admitted. "I don't talk about my family, I don't talk about my past, I just...I just don't talk about it."

"They say that avoidance is the silent killer," Amelia said. "Our brains actually like it when we talk about our problems. It can be as powerful as any antidepressant, which is why many therapists prefer talk therapy over drugs."

"Amelia, are you insisting I need therapy?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, though she knew Amelia had a point. Talking to Dr. Wyatt had proved to be surprisingly stress-relieving and helpful while she and Derek were apart. In fact, the therapy sessions were what brought her back to Derek. Meredith knew she had Dr. Wyatt to credit for the fact that she and Derek _had _gotten back together. Though, she'd never even told Derek that. She'd never even told him that she'd gone to therapy.

"_You are a talented, gifted, extraordinary surgeon, exactly like your mother, but the difference is you get to learn from her mistakes." _

"_Be extraordinary. She wasn't talking about surgery. She wasn't talking about surgery at all…"_

Had her mother in fact, all her life, been referring to the fact she was supposed to be a great mom and a talented, gifted surgeon all combined into one human being? Or, maybe, Dr. Wyatt was full of crap. Meredith didn't know. Did Ellis Grey actually regret being a terrible mother? Did she at any point wish she could go back and be a good mother?

People all over the hospital, even those who she thought were her friends, made it very clear that she couldn't be a full-time mother and a full-time surgeon. It just simply wasn't possible. But women all over the world did it. It wasn't 1950 anymore. Women _could _have full-time careers and be as dedicated to their children's lives, too. Couldn't they? Meredith had just never realized how difficult it was.

Maybe she wasn't cut out for this extraordinary crap. Maybe it just wasn't for her. Maybe she was meant to be just ordinary.

Amelia never did respond to Meredith's question. Instead, she took the blood sample and prepared to send it to the lab. "We need a resident on your case. Do you have any preference?"

"Wilson," Meredith immediately responded without hesitation.

"Isn't that Alex's girlfriend?" Amelia asked.

"It's a non-issue," Meredith said. "I like Jo. She has a good head on her, and she won't go blasting this to the whole hospital. Plus, most of our residents are dead now...three in one year. _That _has to be a new record."

Amelia snickered. "You're going to have a hard time finding new surgical interns and residents to come to this program with those kinds of numbers."

Meredith shrugged. "We might as well rename this hospital _GraveStone Memorial Hospital. _I'm seriously considering bringing it up in our next board meeting."

Amelia burst into laughter. "I like how you say that _so _casually and all, like it's not even the slightest bit morbid."

"Well, they don't say I'm dark and twisty for no reason," Meredith said nonchalantly.

"Dark and twisty. I like. Those are the perfect words to describe me," Amelia insisted. She glanced at her phone and appeared to be sending a text.

"I'm beginning to wonder if Derek chose me because I remind him of his sister," Meredith teased.

"That's a creepy thought."

"Just do me a favor, don't kill me. I've been defending you all day. That would be the biggest slap in the face for me," Meredith said.

Amelia laughed. "I'd have to go into hiding if I killed you, because there's no way I could bear the wrath of Derek. If you need brain surgery, I'll page another neurosurgeon."

"Truth be told?" Meredith sighed. "You and Derek are the only two neurosurgeons I trust to cut into my brain."

"Wow." Amelia's eyes widened. "Why would you equate me to Derek's level of trustworthiness?"

"I watched you work today," Meredith said. "Your precision is very similar to Derek's."

* * *

><p>Hours passed. Jo met Amelia and Meredith in radiology. Amelia had managed to sneak her in without passing a single person. Though, Meredith had insisted she stay in her scrubs; she didn't want to stand out as a patient, which a hospital gown would easily do.<p>

"Let me see the results," Meredith insisted. She insisted on walking. She was actually feeling much better now. She could believe she was also dehydrated, which IV fluids had helped with.

She was looking at an MRI scan of her own brain. "Holy crap," she gasped.

"Your brain has already started to reshape, which is one of the effects of long-term stress. Fortunately, you're not at a critical point yet. While it can't be reversed, you can certainly prevent it from getting any worse."

Meredith laughed sarcastically. "All right, I'd like to see the inside of the brain of _every _single surgeon at this hospital. Maybe they should just prescribe us an anti-anxiety drug the minute we step into med school."

"None of them are passing out due to anxiety attacks," Amelia pointed out. "And personally, I don't think pills are the answer to everything. I think...maybe...you just need to slow down."

"I can't," Meredith insisted. "I'm already seen as less of a surgeon because I'm a mother. I've already slowed down immensely in the last two years. There's no room for me to slow down more if I want to be an extraordinary surgeon and a good mother!"

Amelia shook her head. "Well, I want to keep you at the hospital overnight for observation. Wilson will monitor you. Owen and I will take care of the kids, so you don't need to worry about them. Then...I think...it might be a good idea for you to take a break for a few days. Maybe visit Derek in D.C.? I don't mind watching the kids for a few days, and I'm sure Owen will be on board."

"Amelia, it's not your job to watch my kids," Meredith insisted. "It's already bad enough that their father is out of town. I don't think it's fair if I go too."

"Mer, you need to take some time for yourself every now and then," Amelia insisted. She glanced at Jo, who had remained mute for a while.

"She's right," Jo said. "You do so much for everyone. You never stop a moment to think about yourself."

Meredith exhaled slowly as Amelia's phone buzzed. Amelia's eyes were wide. "It's Derek."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, half the stuff I wanted to happen in this chapter didn't, so it'll happen in the next chapter. I just didn't want to leave you all on the cliffhanger of "OMG Mer's dying" for too long. She's not dying, just stressed to her breaking point. I just happened to discover that stress and leukemia have some of the same symptoms and decided to go with it - scary stuff! **


	38. Chapter 38

"Hey," Amelia said. There was a level of awkwardness in her voice as she spoke to her brother for the first time since their little brawl in the OR. It was, technically, the first time she had spoken to him in three weeks.

"Hi." Derek's voice broke through Amelia's speaker. Amelia had put the phone on speakerphone. "I was surprised to see you called. Look, Amy, I...I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have barged into your OR so abruptly. It was uncalled for."

"That's very big of you, Derek," Amelia said with a smirk on her face. "Apologizing for your arrogance. It's not something you do every day."

"Your voice sounds distant, Amy. Am I on speakerphone?" Derek questioned.

"That, you would be, yes," Amelia responded. "Mer's here with me."

"Hi, Derek," Meredith said, smiling weakly.

"Hey, Meredith. Are you two at home? Are the kids with you? What time is it there? I don't even know what time it is here; I'm so jet-lagged."

"It's 9:45," Amelia said.

"So the kids are in bed, right?" Derek asked.

"Uh…" Amelia stumbled, looking at Meredith. "Actually, we're both still at the hospital, and it sounds like we both might end up being here late, so actually, they're with Alex and Blake right now and Owen's going to pick them up in a little bit. I actually _just _got a text message from Owen. He's running late."

"They're still in Blake's room?" Meredith gasped; she had assumed that Owen had picked the kids up already. "It's so late!"

"And, as you can tell, this is the first your wife is hearing this because Owen literally just texted me. It's been a long day, Derek, let me tell you," Amelia breathed a sigh into the phone.

"Right," Derek said, his yawn could be heard through the phone. "About that. I'm also sorry for the horrible words that came out of my mouth earlier when I barged into your OR. They were uncalled for. I'm truly sorry, Amy."

"Don't sweat it," Amelia said. "You were just doing what you thought was best for the patient. Actually, I would have been concerned if you _didn't _barge into my OR and say everything that you did. That would have been very un-Derek like."

Derek's laugh sounded through the speakerphone. "Well, I'm glad you acknowledge that, so we're good now?"

"Never been better, Derek," Amelia insisted.

"So...you and Owen sound like you're hitting it off," Derek said. Amelia widened her eyes at Meredith. "You know what, it's none of my business. I'm just glad you've made a friend in Seattle aside from Meredith and me, and Owen's a good guy. A good friend to have, that is."

Amelia smiled; Meredith could tell she was holding back laughter. "He is a good friend," Amelia agreed.

"Well...my meeting starts at seven tomorrow, so I need to catch some sleep. It's...well, really early in the morning here. So goodnight. I love you both."

"We love you too, Derek," Meredith said, and the line went dead. She and Amelia locked eyes, and Meredith shrugged. "Well, we didn't lie to him."

"No, but we didn't tell the full truth, either," Amelia said, shaking her head. "Do you really think he's going to be okay when he finds out Owen and I are more than just friends?"

Meredith laughed. "Do you really think he's going to be okay when he finds out I didn't tell him I had an anxiety attack and had to spend the night at the hospital as a patient under observation?"

"Not a chance," Amelia said; her eyes widened. "Damn, we're toast."

"We are," Meredith agreed, shrugging her shoulders.

Amelia's phone buzzed again. This time, Amelia's eyes enlarged widely when she looked at the phone screen. She mouthed the word, "Crap."

"What?" Meredith asked.

Amelia shook her head. "It's nothing," she insisted and looked at Jo. "I have to go, so you're in charge of Meredith. If she tries to talk you into letting her roam around the hospital and check on patients, don't let her. Make sure she actually _rests_." Amelia widened her eyes at Meredith.

"I know, I know." Meredith exhaled. "I am a doctor, you know? I know what's best for me."

"Knowing and doing are two very, very different things," Amelia noted. "Well, I'm out." She left Meredith and Jo in radiology alone.

"All right, so let's get you back to your room," Jo suggested. She rolled the wheelchair that Amelia had forced her to ride in out of the room.

"You know, I think I can walk," Meredith insisted. "I mean, there's no physical reason I can't walk."

"Dr. Grey, you're well aware that it's hospital protocol," Jo said adamantly.

"To hell with hospital protocol. I'm more than capable of walking, so I'm walking. Honestly? If we run into anyone, I don't want them to see me in a wheelchair. It's bad enough that this is going to get around the hospital sooner or later, because gossip spreads like HIV in this hospital. It's a forsaken miracle that Amelia got me down here without running into anyone, so I'm walking, or you just won't scrub in my surgeries once I'm back."

Jo laughed. "You're hilarious, Dr. Grey - or can I still call you Meredith? But seriously, do you think you can bargain surgeries like you bargain your kids to do their chores? _If you don't clean up your room, no dessert. _It's not gonna work, I'm sorry. You're staying in the wheelchair."

"Damnit," Meredith sighed. "I was really hoping that would work."

"You make a terrible patient, no offense," Jo pointed out.

"I guess I do," Meredith acknowledged. "I think we all do. I'm not used to being ordered around. Usually I'm the one doing the ordering. I feel like...I feel helpless."

"All doctors are patients at some point, though," Jo said. "We have to take care of our own health, too, otherwise we won't be around to save lives."

"Very true," Meredith agreed while Jo pushed her back to her room. "And I sure as hell hope you don't tell all your patients that they're terrible patients. That's bad bedside manner."

"You're the first patient I've said it to," Jo assured her.

They passed a few nurses, so Meredith was most certain that nurses would start to talk. The nurses' station was the center of gossip at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.

Once she was back in her bed, Meredith let out a sigh. Jo insisted on hooking her back up to a heart monitor, just so they could monitor her heart rate overnight. She also connected her to an IV, so she would stay hydrated.

"Are you comfortable?" Jo asked.

"The cushion's too firm, my back's arched too high, and the IV makes it difficult for me to move my arm around freely. I'm just peachy," Meredith responded tartly. "Oh, and I'm _starving_, but the cafeteria is closed now anyway. The vending machines are open, though. I guess one of those cruddy vending machine sandwiches will suffice."

"I'll send a nurse-"

There was a tap on the door. Cristina held a big bag with the McDonald's _M _on the cover. "You are my hero," Meredith announced. "That's for me, right?"

"Who else would it be for?" Cristina laughed, entering the room. She was dressed in street clothes; she wore dark blue jeans and a brown leather jacket. "I passed your wacky sister-in-law in the hall, and she told me your diagnosis and that you might be hungry. Now, we can celebrate that you don't have cancer."

"Actually, not officially," Jo said, looking at her iPad. "It looks like the official lab results just came in…"

Meredith and Cristina's eyes both widened. "And?" Meredith's stomach turned. Amelia had convinced her that it wasn't anything critical. That she'd been worried for nothing. Meredith had completely spaced out the labs they'd sent in. _There was still a chance it could be cancer. _She cringed. If she had cancer, she was going to kill Amelia Shepherd.

"You don't have cancer," Jo said, "but you're being classified as anemic right now, that can be brought on by—"

"—already being borderline anemic and being on my period," Meredith interrupted.

"You should've let her finish, Mer. She's your resident. She's just learning," Cristina said, teasingly.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Wilson," Meredith apologized sincerely. "I'm just a little frazzled right now and not used to being bossed around by my residents. I should be using this as a teaching and learning experience for you. It's not very often you have a patient that can confirm your diagnosis is correct."

"It's okay. You said exactly what I was going to say anyway," Jo said.

"Well, Mer, you have low iron. Good thing I brought you a double cheeseburger," Cristina handed the bag over to Meredith.

"Have I ever told you that I love you, Cristina Yang?" Meredith grinned ear to ear, digging into the bag. She pulled the wrapped cheeseburger and carton of fries out. Quickly, she began unwrapping the burger.

"Uh, I'll be back, okay?" Jo said. She looked at Cristina. "Don't let her convince you to do anything stupid. She's already proven to be difficult."

Cristina laughed. "Mer, difficult? Nah. Maybe you're just a crappy doctor?"

"Excuse me?" Jo's eyes widened.

"She didn't mean that," Meredith insisted. "And, yeah, I have been a little difficult. I'll be good now, okay? Hey, Wilson, can you do me a favor?"

"Hm?"

"Check on Izzie. I'm pretty sure that's why Amelia got paged earlier. The look on Amelia's face didn't look promising, either. So, uh, can you check on her? Please?" Meredith asked.

"I will see what I can do," Jo said, and she left the room.

Meredith looked back at Cristina and sighed, "Residents." She let her teeth dive into into the cheeseburger. The greasy goodness filled her mouth, and she indulged in the flavor while swallowing her first bite. "Mmmm, you are a life saver."

"Yeah, I know," Cristina laughed. "So…"

She was cut off when, out of the blue, Owen entered the room with a sleeping Bailey in his arms. A tired looking Zola held onto his hand until she saw her mother. "Momma!" Zola cried; her eyes instantly perked up as she ran over to her mother's bedside and crawled on top of the bed. She leaned into Meredith's chest. "Momma, are you sick? Why you a 'ospital bed?" Worry filled the three-year-old's face.

"Momma wasn't feeling well, so she has to stay here tonight," Meredith explained.

"Like Blake?" Zola asked.

Meredith nodded. "Exactly like Blake, actually."

"You're not gonna die or anything?" Zola stuck out her lip.

"No, sweetie, I'm not gonna die. I promise," Meredith assured her daughter, gently stroking her curly hair.

"Good, 'cause I would be sad if you died," Zola said.

Meredith looked up at Owen. "What are you doing here?" she mouthed. "It's so late. They should be in bed." She peered at her sleeping son. His head still lay on Owen's shoulder; he looked so peaceful.

"I, uh, don't have the keys to your house, and the trailer isn't exactly the ideal place for kids to sleep, so I thought I could at least put them to bed in their own beds," Owen said.

"The keys are in my purse in the attendings' lounge," Meredith said, and she noticed Cristina and Owen lock eyes. _Oh shit, _Meredith thought, wondering if Cristina knew about Amelia and Owen. Meredith could hence the guilt in Owen's eyes. To Meredith, that indicated that Cristina didn't know.

"Hey, do you need help with the kids?" Cristina asked, smiling sincerely.

"Uh, actually, I think I'm good," Owen said. He motioned for Zola to come over. "Come on, Zo."

"I wanna stay with Momma," Zola pouted, grabbing onto her mother's shoulder.

"Well, you can't," Cristina said a little harshly. Her voice softened, "Your momma needs to rest, Zola, and you need to take care of your baby brother. He's going to need his big sister." She gently pulled Zola off Meredith and carried her over to Owen. "I can help."

"Cristina, uh…"

"Just because I don't want kids doesn't mean I'm not good with them. Besides, these are Mer's kids...they love me. Right, Zo? You love your Aunt Cristina. She's taught you all about cardiomyopathy and aneurysms and all sorts of fun stuff, right?"

"Aunt Cwistina says stwange wowds," Zola yawned, "but I wove her."

"Cristina, it's not...it's not that I don't think you're great with Zola and Bailey," Owen said. "It's...I'm…" He guiltily exchanged a look with Meredith. "I'm seeing someone, there. I said it."

An awkward silence beckoned the room as Cristina set Zola down. Zola took Owen's hand. "Oh," Cristina whispered. "Do I know her?" Owen looked at Meredith again. Cristina noticed the look, and she turned toward Meredith. "It's Amelia, isn't it? That's who you're seeing, Owen, isn't it? And Meredith knows and she didn't even tell me. Wow."

"I didn't think it was a big deal," Meredith protested.

"You know what? Whatever," Cristina rolled her eyes and stormed out of the room.

Owen shook his head. "Well, that could have gone better."

"She'll get over it, Owen," Meredith insisted. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, sure," Owen sighed.

Bailey stirred. He rubbed his eyes with his little fists. Blinking, he whimpered, "Momma?" Tears started to form in his eyes.

Zola reached her arm up to her brother. "It's okay, Bailey, Momma's just gonna spend the night in the 'ospital. She not dying."

"MOMMA!" Bailey bellowed, reaching for Meredith. He struggled in Owen's arms, wanting down.

"Damnit," groaned Owen.

"Give him here," Meredith insisted. She extended her right arm, the one without the IV, and took her son in her arms. "Hey, Bailey-bop." Bailey instantly smiled. The little boy snuggled closer to his mother. In just a few moments, he was asleep again.

"That was fast," Owen mouthed. "You're a pro."

"It's not always this easy," Meredith insisted in a soft voice. "Shhh, take him carefully." She tilted his head up with her left arm as Owen carefully took her from again. Just as Owen was about to leave, Meredith looked up and was surprised when she saw Amelia standing in the doorway.

"Hey, how's it going?" Amelia asked. "Where's Wilson?"

"I thought she was looking for you," Meredith shrugged. "How's Izzie? That's who you got paged about, isn't it?"

"How'd you know that?" Amelia inquired.

"Just a hunch," Meredith winked.

"Oh, well, she's doing really good. Vitals are strong. I'm thinking I'll be able to remove the tumor tomorrow morning. Edwards will monitor her tonight. Now, I think I'm going to go home and catch some beauty rest. I can also help Owen out with the kids," Amelia said, a wide smile on her face.

"That's great!" Meredith grinned, though somehow, she couldn't shake the feeling that Amelia was leaving something out.

Amelia formed a smile at Owen, who didn't look as enthused. "Are you okay, Owen?" She suddenly frowned and touched his shoulder.

"Yeah...fine," he mumbled, shooting a glance at Meredith.

"Cristina just found out about you two," Meredith volunteered the information.

"Your ex-wife," Amelia said grimly. "Let me guess, she didn't react so well." Owen shook his head. "I guess I don't blame her. I'd be upset too, I guess. Plus, isn't she like your best friend, Mer?"

"She is," Meredith said, "and she'll get over it, if I know Cristina. Owen's just keeping it in the family. Jumping from my twisted sister to my sister-in-law."

"You make our relationship sound incestuous." Amelia's eyebrows rose.

"I didn't mean it like that," Meredith widened her eyes. That did sound slightly disturbing, now that she thought about it.

"Right...let's go, Amelia," Owen said, grabbing her hand with his free hand. "Come on, Zo." That's when they realized Zola had lain down on the floor and fallen asleep. The three adults shared a laugh. Amelia leaned over and gently picked her up.

After Amelia, Owen, and the kids left, Jo returned.

"Where have you _been_?" Meredith demanded. "I thought you'd gone to check on Izzie!"

"I did," Jo insisted.

"Amelia was just here," Meredith said. "She says Izzie's vitals are strong. Is that true?"

Jo hesitated. "Her vitals are great, yeah, that's true. She's doing well."

"So, she's awake and conscious?" Meredith asked. Jo nodded. "Great, so take me to go see her."

"I'm on strict orders _not _to let you go check on patients," Jo insisted, "so I don't think that's a good idea."

"You won't be breaking orders if I visit her as a friend, not a doctor, which is what I fully intended to do," Meredith insisted.

"I still don't think it's a good idea. You're supposed to be resting. Plus, since you'd be visiting as a friend, not a doctor, you'd be past visiting hours. I can't allow it," Jo said.

Meredith gave Jo a stink eye, because she knew Jo was technically correct. She didn't like it, either. "You know, you're making this difficult."

"I'm just doing my job," Jo insisted.

Meredith exhaled, crossing her arms. She shook her head. "How are _you _doing, Dr. Wilson?" Meredith asked.

Jo burst into laughter. "Are you serious? I thought that was _my job _to ask you."

"I was just trying to strike up a conversation," Meredith shrugged. "I'm not gonna lie in this bed all night and not talk to anyone."

"Well, you could, I don't know, sleep," Jo insisted. "That's what most patients do at night. It's dark outside."

"I'm not tired," Meredith said. "I'm in the mood to chat, so let's chat. How _are _you, Dr. Wilson?"

"I guess talking patients make for more interesting nights than sleeping ones," Jo sighed, "but I honestly don't think you want to know how I am."

"That bad?" Meredith lifted an eyebrow.

"Not that it matters. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you're more interested in how Alex is doing, and you're just using me to get info on Alex," Jo sighed.

"I wasn't," Meredith said. "Actually, I was more concerned about how you're coping with all this. I mean, it's a lot to take in and all. Alex told me that he thinks you'd make a good mother for Blake."

Jo laughed sarcastically. She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, so I've heard," Jo said. "Honestly? Do you want to know the honest truth?"

"I'm all ears," Meredith insisted.

"I'm in _no _condition to be a mother! I can't be! I have _three years _left of residency. I can't be anyone's mother. I mean, Blake's a great kid, don't get me wrong. I adore him. But I don't want to be his mother. I'll be his cool...whatever...but I don't want to be his mother. And Izzie, gosh, all Alex does is talk about her! Of course he's always talking trash about her, but it's the kind of trash you talk about someone when YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THEM. And it's infuriating! I mean, I get she hurt him, and she lied to him, but it's all he ever talks about and I'm not sure I can take it anymore. Oh, my God. This is terrible, but it was actually a _relief _for me when Izzie took Blake and they couldn't be found. I had never been so relieved! Alex had finally stopped talking about them, and then...this. This accident. And now the chance that Izzie could die or never be the same…"

"Hold up," Meredith raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said her vitals were strong."

"She still has a massive tumor, doesn't she? People die in brain surgery all the time. Or she could sustain massive brain injuries," Jo insisted. "Alex doesn't even know about the tumor yet. I haven't talked to him since I found out. He doesn't even know her current condition. He's just worried about _Blake_. He adores that kid, and he has every right to. I mean, the kid is a splitting image of Alex - it's scary. But damn-it, once Alex finds out about the tumor, he's gonna realize it's not Izzie's fault that this happened, and he'll forgive her. And then...what if he chooses to go back to her? What if he comes to the realization that he's loved her all along? I know I'm sounding selfish right now, but I honestly don't know what to do. I love him so much, and I don't want to lose him. But I'm not ready to be a mother, and it's clear he still loves Izzie." Jo's breathing shook. "Wow, God, that felt good to get out. But now you probably think I'm nuts or selfish or both."

"You're not nuts or selfish, Jo," Meredith smiled. "You're in a tough situation. And you're right, I'm not gonna lie to you, Izzie will always hold a special place in Alex's heart."

"Does that mean he doesn't love me?" Jo asked.

"He loves you, Jo," Meredith assured her. "He just loves you in a different way. You've never hurt him. Well, not like Izzie has."

"So, basically, I need to hurt him for him to love me? I don't get what you're saying."

"Don't hurt him, Jo," Meredith said. "The last thing Alex needs is to be hurt. He needs all the support he can get right now."

"I just don't know what to do," Jo whispered. Tears were now streaming down her face. "I can't be a mother. I'm barely a surgeon."

"I didn't think I could be a mother first, either," Meredith said. "Actually, Alex was one of the first people to tell me I'd be a good mom. Hearing it from him actually is what gave me a lot of courage, because Alex doesn't say that kind of stuff often, as I'm sure you know."

"He's a great guy," Jo said softly. "In fact, he's the best guy I've ever dated. I can't imagine my life without him. I thought he was the guy I was gonna spend the rest of my life with."

Meredith smiled. "That's exactly how I felt about Derek, until his wife showed up." She chuckled.

"But as the story goes, Dr. Shepherd's wife didn't bring her child in tow too," Jo pointed out. "Things would have been different if she had."

Meredith nodded; it was true. She didn't know how things would have played out if Addison had showed up with Derek's child.

"I just don't know what I'm gonna do," Jo sighed, "and I shouldn't be dumping this all on you. You have enough stress on your plate; that's why you're here in the first place."

"Jo, don't worry about it," Meredith said. "Actually, hearing your woes makes me feel better about my life. I mean, as twisted as it is. If that's not selfish, then I don't know what is."

Jo laughed, and they both looked up to see Alex standing in the doorway. Jo's smile instantly drowned. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," he said, heading toward Jo. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "What're you two talking about?" Jo and Meredith locked eyes.

"Oh, nothing," Meredith said, trying to sound innocent given the conversation she and Jo had actually been having.

"So, I hear I was right," Alex said. "I passed Amelia on her way out."

"Did you?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Did she say anything else?"

"Just that I was right about you. She and Owen had your kids. Blake really enjoyed playing with Zola earlier, by the way. He's asleep now, so that's why I'm here."

"Have you told him yet?" Meredith asked. "That you're his dad?"

Alex shook his head. "No, but I'm going to file for custody first thing tomorrow morning. I was hoping to tell him tomorrow morning. I'm actually kind of hoping he'll figure it out on his own. He's a smart kid…" Jo and Meredith both looked at each other, silent. "What's going on with you two? You're acting weird."

"Alex," Jo said quietly. "Uh, Izzie's awake."

He froze. His face showed no emotion. "And?"

"Alex," Meredith said softly. "She has a massive frontal lobe tumor. Amelia told me earlier that she thinks it's been there a while, so it easily could have been affecting her judgment for some time now. Amelia wants to operate first thing tomorrow morning."

Alex's jaw dropped.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope this chapter and next will clear up some of the controversy over Alex's characterization and reaction in regards to Izzie's accident. This chapter and next will both focus on that more. I'm trying so hard not to make this a story that favors either Izzex or Jolex, which makes it quite the challenge to write! I see both perspectives. **


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: MerDer fans, bear with me during this chapter, because I have some meaty MerDer chapters coming your way in the very near future. In the meantime, check out my new fic "Love Never Dies." It's a post-S10 finale story that deals with the challenges they're about to face.**

* * *

><p>"And there's something else," Jo hesitated. Meredith was instantly confused. She sensed anxiousness in Jo Wilson's fair, oval face.<p>

Meredith lifted an eyebrow, perplexed. "What do you mean there's something else?" Meredith watched Alex in the corner of her eye. His face was still frozen. He hadn't said a word. She had expected a reaction of some sort after hearing about the tumor, but there was nothing. His face was blank, and for the first time in a long time, Meredith couldn't read him. Usually Alex was easy to read. She'd known him for so long, so she didn't need to hear his words to know what he was thinking. Usually, his words were deceptive anyway. Alex's eyes usually gave away it all. But now, Meredith struggled to read him.

Jo exhaled and closed her eyes for a moment. She opened them again and shook her head. "Dr. Shepherd asked me not to tell you, Dr. Grey," Jo said.

"Then why the hell did you just say that?" Meredith spat. She felt her blood pressure rising. Normally, Meredith respected the fact when people wanted to keep things from others. Meredith remembered last Halloween when Jo had wanted to talk to her about Alex, and Alex had asked her not to talk about it. Meredith hadn't let Jo tell her what it was. She later learned that it was about Alex's dad. Meredith respected the fact that Alex didn't want the whole hospital knowing his dad was in the hospital. After all, gossip traveled fast enough in this gossip factory of a hospital.

Meredith had sensed that there was something Amelia was hiding, and she was willing to bet it was related to Izzie's condition. Whatever it was, Meredith was certain Amelia didn't want to her know because she would worry. Meredith didn't like being sheltered from information.

"I'm sorry," Jo murmured. "I shouldn't have said anything." She looked at Alex, whose eyes were glazed.

"What is it?" he said. "What _else _is it?" Meredith noticed his face reddening, like it did when he was upset. She noticed anger surging on his face. He was upset. Meredith wanted to give him a hug, but she couldn't from her current position in bed.

"You can't just say that, Wilson, and _not _tell us," Meredith commanded. "What's wrong with Izzie?"

Jo shook her head. "It's - well - her occipital lobe sustained substantial damage in the accident -"

"– She's blind?" Alex cut in.

Jo swallowed. "Dr. Shepherd believes she's suffering from a condition known as cortical blindness. It's caused by damage to the brain's occipital cortex. In most cases, it's not permanent damage, but currently, she can't see."

"Oh, my God," Meredith gasped. "Cortical blindness usually results after a stroke, a unilateral or bilateral cerebral artery blockage, or a cardiac arrest. Has she been examined by Cardio? Cristina didn't mention seeing Izzie, so I'm guessing not. We should page Cristina." Meredith's heart sunk as she remembered Cristina's exit earlier after finding out about Amelia and Owen.

"Uh, I'd have to check with Stephanie, because she's the resident on the case, but I'm sure Dr. Shepherd did a thorough examination," Jo said. "She is the neurosurgeon, after all."

Meredith was tempted to call Amelia to make sure, though _technically _she wasn't even supposed to know about this. She couldn't help but worry. Meredith wasn't a neurosurgeon, but she knew enough to worry.

Alex was pale. "Did you say _stroke_? Do you think she's had a stroke?" His eyes narrowed on Jo, who had already proven she'd known more about Izzie's condition than she had initially let off.

"Uh, as far as I know, no," Jo responded. "I'm sure Dr. Shepherd checked. Again, she's a neurosurgeon. That's her job."

Alex scowled. She noticed his fists were clenched together tightly. "Neurosurgeon, my ass. I don't trust your junkie sister-in-law, Mer. I've heard enough not to trust her. Junkies shouldn't be operating on people. She's been in the psych ward trailer for weeks, and she comes back and operates? You gotta be freaking kidding me." His face was burnt red. "I need to see her. I need to see Izzie. I'm such a fucking ass."

Meredith didn't know what to say. She instantly sensed hesitation in Jo's face. Jo exhaled a sigh. "It's past visiting hours," Jo insisted. "Come on, Alex, you should get some rest. It's late." She grabbed his shoulder, but he pushed her away.

"Fuck visiting hours," he said. "I have a white coat."

"Izzie needs to rest," Jo insisted softly. "Look, I know you want to apologize and make things right with her, but don't you think you should wait until you are calmed down? I shouldn't have told you this now. I'm sorry. I just thought you should know. I suck at timing." Jo rolled her eyes.

Alex sighed. "No, I'm glad you told me, Jo." Alex shot a look back at Meredith. "Mer, when's Derek gonna be back? I would much rather he remove Izzie's tumor and examine her than this crazy sister of his."

"Alex," Meredith said calmly. "If you remember correctly, you didn't want Derek operating on Izzie when she had cancer five years ago. Derek had just come out of a depression too. Amelia is a highly competent surgeon, and don't forget: It's because of her that Izzie's even alive now."

Alex rolled his eyes. "It's probably her fault that she's blind. She probably caused the damage to her brain."

"Alex!" Meredith scolded.

"You don't know she didn't," Alex insisted.

Meredith shook her head. "A few hours ago you were wishing Izzie dead. Now you're concerned about her treatment plan?"

"A few hours ago I didn't know she had a massive brain tumor," Alex told her. "Did you know earlier? Did you, Mer?"

"I was going to tell you," Meredith told him. "Before I passed out."

"Of course you were," he exhaled. "Of course."

"I'm sorry, Alex," she apologized. "I really am."

"I don't know why you're apologizing," he spat. "I'm gonna go see Izzie. What room is she in?" He turned to Jo. Jo was struggling to make eye contact with Meredith.

"Well, if you're going to see her, so am I," Meredith said. It was the middle of the night. Her eyes were heavy, and she knew she should be resting. But she couldn't sleep. Not knowing all of this about Izzie. She wanted to see her, as a friend. She thought she should be there for her. Meredith couldn't help but feel a little responsible. If she hadn't told Izzie upfront about Alex calling child services, Izzie wouldn't have been able to run. They would have proved she'd done nothing wrong, then she and Alex could have sorted everything out like mature adults - maybe. Also, Izzie would have made it to her annual appointment, and maybe, just maybe, they would have caught the tumor. Then she wouldn't be in this situation. There would be no car accident. Leah and Shane wouldn't be dead.

Meredith felt like this was all her fault.

"You can't leave that bed," Jo said sternly.

Meredith turned to Alex. He scoffed. "Come on, Mer." He grabbed the wheelchair.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Jo protested. "I'm under strict orders - "

"Jo, you of all people know that rules are meant to be broken," Alex insisted.

"That's easy for you to say," Jo said. "I'm a resident; this is my reputation on the line. If something goes wrong, then it's on me. I'm supposed to…"

"Dude, calm down," Alex rolled his eyes. "Mer's not even a freaking critical patient. She's just here for observation, and we'll be observing her the whole time. It's not gonna kill her go visit Izzie. It's not gonna harm anyone." Jo's mouth dropped as Alex disconnected Meredith from the IV and the heart monitor. He lifted her out of bed and set her in the wheelchair.

"Have I ever told you that I love you, Alex?" Meredith asked. She noticed irritation on Jo's face.

"Yeah, whatever, Mer." Alex said and pushed Meredith out of the room. Jo followed after. Alex asked her for the room number again and she told him.

The elevator opened and, to Meredith's dismay, they joined Callie Torres inside.

"Holy crap, Mer, what happened?" Callie asked. She seemed completely flabbergasted at the sight of Meredith Grey in a wheelchair. _Great, just great, _Meredith thought; she was one of the last persons Meredith wanted to find out. One, she was the most likely to be in contact with Derek, due to the work they collaborated on. Two, she'd been giving Hell Meredith all day in the OR. So, Meredith didn't want to hear an _I told you so_.

"This bonehead tried to work herself to death, and now she's under observation," Alex said harshly.

"Alex, I am not a bonehead," Meredith responded adamantly; she rolled her eyes, looking at Callie and explained, "I had a panic attack earlier." Meredith felt her face flush with embarrassment.

"Oh." Callie's eyes widened. To Meredith's surprise, she didn't say _I told you so_ or comment or rub it in her face in any way, shape, or form. Instead, Callie lowered her voice and asked, "Have you heard about Izzie?"

Alex and Meredith both looked at each other briefly. "We just did. She's suffering from cortical blindness?"

Callie sighed, "Yeah. Have you been to see her?"

"We're on our way now," Jo informed Callie, exhaling slowly.

Callie's eyes widened. "Well, that's very big of you, Wilson. Going with Alex to see his ex-wife and all." Callie shrugged then her eyes studied Alex. "You must feel pretty crappy, huh, Karev?"

"That's none of your business, Torres," Alex responded bitterly.

"Oh, I didn't say it was. I was just...never mind." Meredith watched Alex's face redden as he tried to control his anger. Thankfully, the elevator opened on Izzie's floor before Alex could reply with a smartass comment. Jo, Alex, and Meredith stepped off the elevator, leaving Callie.

They were outside Izzie's room when Stephanie saw them. Her eyes were wide. "What are you doing here?" she gasped. "It's the middle of the night."

"I tried to tell them," Jo insisted, "but they insisted. It's my fault. I blabbed my big mouth."

"Princess isn't good at keeping secrets," Alex insisted.

Jo rolled her eyes. "Asshat, how many times do I have to ask you not to call me _Princess_?"

Alex chuckled and poked her in the ass.

"Ow!" Jo screeched.

"Oh, you like it," Alex insisted with a subtle wink.

Meredith and Stephanie exchanged a glance with each other. Stephanie's eyes were wide. "Wow, you two are so mean to each other."

"She knows I'm just messing with her," Alex insisted. "Right, Jo?"

Jo nodded and smiled. "Yeah, this is just our daily routine. We just take our tension out on each other." She leaned in and kissed Alex's cheek.

Stephanie and Meredith both smirked.

"Tension, eh?" Stephanie asked.

"Well, I can just imagine what happens in my old bedroom," Meredith said nonchalantly.

Jo and Alex both blushed. Meredith then focused on Stephanie. The tone in her voice dulled, "How is Izzie?"

"I take it you know everything, then," Edwards sighed. "She's doing the best she can. She's asleep as far as I know. She was in a lot of pain earlier, so Dr. Shepherd gave her a sedative before she left. She was up about twenty minutes ago, though, and I took her vitals. Overall, they're strong, other than the obvious cortical blindness."

"Any signs of stroke or blockages?" Meredith asked.

"Mer's gone into Neuro mode," Alex explained. "She's not a neurosurgeon, but she thinks she knows everything about Neuro because she spent a few years with her big hotshot neurosurgeon husband in neuro during her residency."

"Alex, hush. I'm just trying to find out as much as I can," Meredith hissed. She looked at Stephanie, who sighed.

"Dr. Shepherd did an MRI, and there's no evidence of a blockage. She did hemorrhage during surgery, though, Dr. Shepherd thinks that's the cause. She's showing no other signs of damage," Stephanie said.

"Has she had a cardiac arrest? Has Cardio been paged to examine her?" Meredith asked. Maybe she was just looking for an excuse to bring Cristina in, so she could make things right with her. She felt bad about how Cristina had to find out about Amelia, but it was better she find out from Owen himself than through the grapevine. It was only a matter of time.

"There were no signs of any cardio deficits," Stephanie responded. "So, no, Cardio has not examined her. Do you think we should page Cardio?"

Meredith looked at Alex. "Alex, page Cristina," she insisted, figuring Cristina wouldn't respond to her.

"What the hell, Mer? Look, I just want to see Izzie," Alex said.

"I just want to make sure we've covered all the bases," Meredith insisted.

"Dr. Grey, with all due respect," Jo began, "you're not supposed to be seeing patients. You're not a doctor right now. You are a patient."

"And if something's being missed here, then we need to know. Often time cordio blindness is associated with heart problems. It's not that I don't trust Amelia's judgment; it's just she could have easily overlooked this, especially since it was getting late. Plus, Derek and I had a patient during my residency with cordio blindness, and low and behold, they had an atrial hematoma as well. The patient arrested and died because we didn't think to check their heart. It's actually pretty easy to overlook, so I think that you should page Cristina now, Alex."

"Why don't you page her?" Alex rolled his eyes.

"Because you're her roommate, and she's kinda pissed at me right now," Meredith sighed. "Please? You feel bad about what you said to Izzie earlier, and you want to make things right, don't you?"

"Fine," Alex said, taking his phone out of his pocket.

"Alex?" a low voice from inside the hospital room interrupted. "Is that you?"

Meredith and Alex froze. They looked into Izzie's room. Izzie was stirring. It was the first time Meredith had looked inside Izzie's room. Her entire face was mostly bandaged, as were her arms. She'd sustained substantial damage in the crash to her body.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Jo said in a hushed voice. She grabbed Stephanie and the two walked away. Alex wheeled Meredith into Izzie's room.

"Alex?" Izzie asked again. "I know I heard your voice. Or am I hearing voices now too?"

"I-I'm here," Alex stuttered, putting his phone back in his pocket. "I'm here." He grabbed Izzie's hand with just a slight hesitation. "Mer's here too."

"Hi, Izzie," Meredith whispered softly. She wheeled herself over to Izzie's other side and took her other hand. Izzie's hand was iceberg cold.

"Mer," Izzie whispered. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too." Meredith smiled weakly.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, guys," she said. She stared blindly ahead. She blinked her eyes when tears started to form in her eyelids. "This is all my fault. I deserve to be in this position … _blind. _God, how did I get here? I'm so sorry, Alex. I owe you the biggest apology. How's Blake doing? Dr. Shepherd mentioned you were taking good care of him."

"Izzie," Alex said. His voice changed to a much softer tone than Meredith was used to hearing. Tears filled his own eyes as his love melt into Izzie's face. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I never should have called child services. I started this mess. I was pissed, and you know I do stupid stuff when I'm pissed. Some things never change."

"You had every right to be pissed at me, Alex. God," Izzie said. "I'm the idiot who didn't tell you about your son. I can never take that back. I can never change the horrible, horrible things I told Blake about you. God, I just want to see him right now…"

"He's asleep," Alex said, "but I can go wake him up." A tear formed in his eye. "He still doesn't know he's my son. I've been telling him I'm his cool Dr. Karev. Iz, you raised a great kid."

"No, no, you shouldn't wake him up," Izzie insisted. "I'm just glad he's okay. I can't believe I put him in this kind of danger. He could have died. We both could be dead right now."

"But you're not," Alex said. "You're not." The last time Meredith had truly seen Alex like this was when Izzie had cancer five years ago. This was a side of Alex that didn't come out often. He really did love her. He squeezed Izzie's full hand. "I'm so sorry for being such a dick to you."

"Honestly, Alex?" Izzie asked. "I would've been more concerned if you weren't a dick to me. Because you're Alex, and that's who you are. And I deserved every word of it. Every freaking word. I don't deserve your forgiveness. So, please, Alex, don't forgive me. You have Jo now, and from the little I've seen and heard from her, she's a beautiful, wonderful woman. I heard your voices earlier. They were distant, but I heard every word. Apparently sight loss increases the sensibility of your other senses. Anyway, she sounds like the female version of you, and you deserve somebody like that. Someone who truly understands you. Someone who hasn't emotionally hurt you. Someone you can take your crap and will give crap right back to you with no hesitation. She's perfect for you, Alex. She can give you more than I ever could, so I'm happy for you, Alex. Really, I am."

Alex's eyes were flooded. Alex wasn't the kind of guy who cried if he could help it. The only times Meredith had truly seen him break down was when it came to the women he loved. He'd broken down after Rebecca/Ava, the crazy patient he'd fallen in love with. Then he'd had a complete breakdown when he thought he was going to lose Izzie. Meredith remembered him crying on her shoulder. Alex Karev wasn't a crier. Meredith could tell that Alex still loved Izzie deeply.

Izzie pulled her hand away, and Alex dried his tears. "Jo is an amazing person," he said, and Meredith looked up to see Jo standing in the corner of the room. Alex looked up too and saw her. "Hey," he said.

"Who's here?" Izzie immediately asked.

"It's just me," Jo said, slowly entering the room.

"Hi, Jo," Izzie greeted her. "I just want to say… thank you for taking care of Alex. I broke him, and you've put him back together. Before this all happened, before I took off, I used to watch you two. I know it sounds creepy stalkerish, but I had to know that Alex was okay. And he's great, thanks to you."

"Oh." Jo looked flabbergasted. "Y-You're welcome." She stood behind Alex and leaned into his shoulder. Alex extended his arm and put his arm around her. He kissed her hairline.

"You know, Blake has been asking about you all day," Meredith told Izzie. "I was actually the one who brought him in. Amelia rode with you to the hospital. We were on our way in and happened to encounter your accident. He wanted to see you."

"I can get him," Jo volunteered. She heaved a sigh, "I know it's late, and he's asleep, but I think he'd want to see his mom. Now's just as good of time as any."

"She's learning," Alex teased. He rocked her a little then nodded. "I think you should go wake him. He needs to see his mother." Alex smiled weakly. His entire demeanor had changed since earlier in the day.

"I felt like a horrible lying liar earlier," Meredith confessed. "I told him he could see you when we came to the hospital, Iz, then he didn't get to and I felt bad."

Jo broke away from Alex and nodded. "I'll go get him."

"Actually…" Alex said. "I was hoping for a minute alone with Izzie." He looked back and forth between Meredith and Jo.

"Of course," Jo said. "Dr. Grey – "

"—Meredith," Meredith corrected. She was tired of Jo referring to as _Dr. Grey_, especially considering she was technically a patient of hers.

"Meredith, you can come with me. I hear Blake really likes you. Earlier when I visited him he kept asking about you too," Jo informed her. She walked behind Meredith's wheelchair.

Meredith let out a sigh. "Iz, you can't see me, so you don't know this. But I'm actually in a wheelchair right now."

"What?" Izzie gasped. "What? Why?"

"I had a bit of a panic attack earlier," Meredith said. "And my wonderful sister-in-law thinks my stress levels need to be monitored." Sarcasm riveted in her voice.

"Holy crap, Mer. Where's Derek?" Izzie asked. "With the kids?"

"Actually, no," Meredith responded. "He's oh so conveniently in D.C. He doesn't know yet, and I hope it stays that way until I get a chance to tell him myself. He's not going to be happy, but I know if I tell him, he'll rush back."

"That's a bad thing?" Izzie asked.

"It is when I've given him so much shit about this job in the first place," Meredith sighed. "Okay, Jo. Let's go get Blake."

It was already one in the morning. Meredith's eyes were heavy, and she realized she wasn't going to be getting an ounce of sleep tonight. What had Amelia been _thinking _keeping her here over night, in a hospital? Meredith didn't sleep in hospitals unless she was drugged. People died in hospitals, and even though she was a doctor, they ultimately terrified her when she was on the patient's end of the table. If Amelia had _really _wanted her to rest, she would have just sent her home and offered to watch the kids for the night.

Apparently someone else didn't sleep in hospitals well, either. When they entered Blake's room, they found him sitting in the middle of the bed with the television on.

"Well, somebody isn't sleep," Meredith observed.

"Meredif! Dr. Wilson!" Blake cried, jumping out of the hospital bed. He was wearing a hospital gown but appeared to be a healthy four-year-old boy. "Why are you in a wheelchair, Meredif? Did you getted hurt?" He reached his arms out to give Meredith a hug and she reached over to help pick him up. Jo gave her a stink eye, though, as if she wasn't supposed to be lifting. Blake couldn't be more than thirty-five pounds. He weighed less than Zola, who was forty pounds at her last checkup. Zola was also tall for her age.

"Yeah, Blake, I got hurt, so I have to stay here tonight too," she told the little boy.

"Oh," Blake said, frowning. "Where's Dr. Karev? Did he go bye bye?"

"Actually," Jo said, smiling kindly at the little boy. "Dr. Karev is with your mommy right now. She's awake, and she wants to see you."

The little boy's eyes lit up with joy. "She's awake? Yay! Can I go? Please?"

"That's why we're here," Meredith told him. "We're gonna go take you to see your mommy."

"Yay!" Blake clapped. "But, Meredif, you're hurted, why aren't you in your hospital bed?"

Meredith and Jo both laughed.

"She's _very stubborn _Blake, that's why," Jo told him; Blake's forehead wrinkled with confusion like his father's did in the same circumstance. Meredith was really starting to notice what a miniature version of Alex this kid really was. Alex certainly had no reason to order a DNA test.

"What's stubborn?" the mini Alex asked.

"It means she doesn't like to follow rules," Jo explained.

"Oh," Blake said. "You're a bad girl." He pointed his finger up at Meredith. He continued to sit on her lap as Jo pushed them out of the room.

Meredith giggled. She was finding Blake to be too adorable. "I guess I am."

"Lucky for you, Blake, I happen to know your father very well, and stubbornness runs in your family. So, chances are, you'll be stubborn too," Jo laughed.

"You know my dad?" Blake asked. "What's he like?"

Meredith looked up at Jo. "Your dad...he's smart, kind, _very _stubborn like I said. He's caring, and let me tell you, Blake, he's hilarious. He has a great sense of humor." Meredith noticed how Jo's face lit up as she was describing Alex. She really did love him.

"Then why does my mom say he doesn't love me?" Blake said, pouting.

"Maybe your mom's mistaken?" Jo insisted. "Sometimes we assume things about people but we're wrong."

"Even Mommies can be wrong sometimes, too," Meredith added.

"My mommy's never wrong," Blake insisted.

"Well, Blake, that's simply not true, because _everyone _is wrong at some point," Jo insisted.

Meredith realized something. They hadn't told Blake about Izzie's condition.

"Blake," Meredith said slowly. "There's something we need to tell you about your mommy."

"She's okay, right?" Blake asked innocently.

"She's okay for now," Meredith assured, not about to explain the tumor to the four-year-old. "But she was injured really bad in the accident. She still has lots of bandages, and there's something else." Meredith sighed. "Your mommy can't see right now."

"She can't see at all? Like everything's black?" Blake's eyes widened anxiously.

"Exactly," Meredith said. "Now, we don't know how long she's gonna be like this. It might be a few days. It might be forever. But we just want you to know, okay?"

"She still will know who I am, right?" Blake asked softly.

"Of course she will, Blake. She'll be able to hear your voice," Jo explained.

The elevator opened, showing them Cristina. Cristina blankly looked at Jo, Meredith, and Blake as they entered the elevator. "What are _you _doing roaming around the hospital with Alex's kid?" she blurted out.

"Who's Alex?" Blake asked.

"Oh, crap," Cristina's face burned. "I'm sorry - I didn't. What am I doing here, anyway? Alex paged me and said that I needed to come examine Izzie. Why is Alex paging me about McSlut's patient? Is she too busy eating my leftovers to do it herself?"

Meredith quickly covered Blake's ears. "What's a McSlut?" Blake asked. Too late. "Is it like a McNugget?"

"No," Meredith and Cristina said at the same time.

"It's nothing," Meredith told the little boy, and she exhaled. "I told Alex to page you."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "So you could talk to me? Oh, come on, Mer. You're better than that."

"That's only part of the reason," she insisted. She went on to explain Izzie's condition.

"And you don't trust Mc—your sister-in-law to make that judgment?" Cristina asked. Meredith went on to explain about the patient she and Derek had. Cristina sighed. "Fine, I'll check her out." The elevator opened and Cristina began walking swiftly toward Izzie's room; she was walking faster than Jo could push her.

"Cristina!" Meredith called after her. Cristina stopped dead in her feet outside Izzie's room. She turned toward Meredith.

"Mer, I'm not going to talk about this now," she said. She looked at Blake.

"Hey, Blake," Jo smiled, kneeling down at the wheelchair so she was eye level with Blake. "How about you come with me to see your mom?" Blake nodded and grabbed Jo's hand.

Meredith tilted her head up at Jo and whispered, "You're really good with him."

"Thanks," Jo said with gratitude as she took Blake into the room, leaving Meredith and Cristina.

"What are you doing up anyway? You're supposed to be resting. That's why you're here. Not to be running around the hospital checking on patients. That's what landed you where you are in the first place." Cristina rolled her eyes. Meredith knew she was right.

"I know," she said. "And you're right. I'm being irresponsible, but that's beside the point. I needed to see that Izzie was okay. After all, it's because of me that she's here."

"Oh, you organized the accident?" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Basically," Meredith shrugged. "I gave her a head's up that Alex had called child services that day. It's my fault she ran."

"Oh, seriously, Mer?" Cristina scoffed. "You were being a good friend. It's like when I told you Zola was in the hospital when you and Derek were trying to get custody of her. I wasn't supposed to, but I did it anyway because I'm a good friend. Good friends tell friends things. I thought you were a good friend. Thought, being the keyword."

"Cristina!" Meredith snarled. "I thought you knew about Amelia and Owen. We were joking about it just the other day. You said you weren't jealous."

"It was all hypothetical," Cristina snapped. "I didn't actually think they were sleeping together! Owen isn't the type of guy who just sleeps with anyone. I just can't believe this. I mean, she's a ho! She doesn't even know who her baby daddy is, right? And she cheated on her boyfriend. I don't want Owen getting mixed up with her."

"I understand why you're concerned," Meredith said calmly. "And I know you still love Owen. And I didn't know they were together until today – yesterday – whatever day morning. I swear, Cristina. Owen's a grown man."

"I know," Cristina sighed. "He's fragile, and does Amelia know why he broke up with his _last _girlfriend? It's because he cheated on her _with me_."

"I know, Cristina," Meredith said, "but you're not together now, and to be fair, you want different things. Amelia's made mistakes in the past, but so have you. We all have. We're all entitled to redeem ourselves, no matter how many times it takes us. Personally, I think Owen and Amelia are good for each other. They're both a little dark and twisty right now. Maybe they'll last, maybe they won't. It's not either of our places to judge," Meredith told her.

Cristina exhaled. "You know what? You're right. But I bet anything Owen is only interested in her because of the baby."

Meredith shrugged. "Maybe so. He's convinced her to keep it. That puts Derek and me off the hook."

"So that's why you're Team Amen," Cristina sighed.

"Amen? Amelia and Owen?" Meredith asked. She wasn't sure what was with all the mixing of names. She thought the new fad was somewhat amusing. "So what does that make Derek and me?"

"MerDer," Cristina said simply.

"MerDer?" Meredith made a face. "I don't like it. It sounds like MURDER."

Cristina shrugged. "Owen and I were Crowen...we sound like some type of black bird. We were doomed from the beginning." They both looked in Izzie's room to find Izzie, Alex, and Jo all laughing. Blake's face was also lit up. He sat on his mother's bed with his head lying on her shoulder. Cristina sighed, "Do you really think Izzie could have a heart problem?"

"You're the heart doctor. That's your job to find out," Meredith insisted.

They entered the room together.

"Did you two kiss and make up?" Alex asked.

"Stop being an ass, Evil Spawn," Cristina demanded.

"Cristina?" Izzie asked.

"That's the name. Don't wear it out," Cristina smiled.

"What are you doing here?" Izzie asked. "I mean...it's not that I'm not happy to hear your voice, since I can't see you. But what are you doing here? Is there something wrong with my heart? Oh, God…"

"Mommy, don't say God's name in vain," Blake insisted.

"Right, sorry, Blake," Izzie apologized.

"I'm just here to check on your heart. Mer has some concerns that the eye condition you're experiencing could also be related to a heart defect. She is right; it's not entirely uncommon." Cristina looked at Blake. "I'm going need you to move, so I can examine your mom." Alex reached over to pick Blake up. "Thanks, Alex," Cristina said.

"Alex?" Blake looked perplexed. He looked at Cristina, then at Alex. "That lady says I is Alex's kid. Dr. Karev's name is Alex?"

"Shhh." Cristina put her finger over her lips. Izzie took a deep breath and looked at her son and then also at Alex as Cristina listened to her heart. "Hm, well, I do hear a slight murmur. Also, your heart is racing right now, Izzie. Wilson, go set up an EKG." She turned to Meredith. "And you should go to bed."

"I'm fine," Meredith insisted, yawning. She couldn't hold it back.

"Actually, Meredith's my patient. Edwards is on Izzie's case. I should take Meredith back to her room…"

"Okay, then find Edwards," Cristina rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna sit around here all night and wait for you residents to get your shit together."

"Bad word!" Blake pointed out, clinging onto Alex. "Dr. Karev, why did that doctor over there say that I'm your kid?"

"What's he talking about?" Izzie asked, confused. "What did you tell him, Cristina?"

Cristina sighed. "I made a stupid comment in the elevator, and I didn't realize he didn't know."

Blake looked so confused.

Izzie blinked several times. Maybe she thought that if she blinked enough, she would be able to see. She sighed. "It's time he knows anyway."

"Know what?" Blake asked; his arms still wrapped around Alex's neck. Alex then gently sat on the foot of Izzie's bed. Blake let go of Alex's neck and took a seat next to him. He looked up at his mother.

"Blake, baby," Izzie sighed, "Dr. Karev...Alex...he's your father."

The room buzzed in silence as Blake's eyes widened. "But you said Daddy doesn't love me."

"I shouldn't have said that," Izzie confessed. Tears welled in her eyes. "I was very wrong, Blake. Your daddy does love you. He loves you a lot, and he wants to be part of your life. Right, Alex?"

Alex froze for a moment. His eyes widened, and he then put his hand on Blake's shoulder. "Yeah, buddy. I do."

Blake's eyes lit up. "I have a dad? Dr. Karev is my dad? Oh, my goodness. This is so cool!" The little guy jumped off the bed and extended his arms above his head with excitement. "I've always wanted a dad, and Dr. Karev is the coolest doctor ever. I can't believe he's my daddy!" He started to jump up and down, and then he flung his arms around Alex. "I love you!"

"I love you too, buddy," Alex smiled. He glanced at Izzie, whose eyes were melting with tears.

Meredith felt a happy tear in her own eye. She was glad Blake finally knew who his father was, and that it had been his mother who told him. Meredith couldn't help but smile, though. Blake's reaction was _so _Izzie. He definitely had inherited his mother's excitable trait.

"This is too cute. I have to get out of here." Cristina turned around. She looked at Meredith. "You look like you're about to lactate."

"Shut up. I haven't breastfed in six months," she said.

"I read most women lactate for a year after they stop breastfeeding," Cristina shrugged.

"I wouldn't know," Izzie sighed. "I struggled to lactate with Blake. The doctors blamed the chemo and radiation. Though, they told me it was a miracle that I'd gotten pregnant so fast after chemo."

"This is all wonderful to know," Jo sighed, glancing at Alex.

"Oh, come on, Jo. You know you can't wait to be pregnant," Alex laughed.

"I can wait," she assured him with a wink. "Trust me, oh, I can wait."

"You don't want to go make a baby right now?" Alex teased.

"Hey, little ears in the room!" Izzie gasped, pointing aimlessly, trying to point at Blake. She was actually pointing in Cristina's direction.

Meredith could tell it was going to take Alex a _long _time to get used to keeping the conversation in the room appropriate for a four-year-old. She still hesitated leaving Zola and Bailey alone with him. Then again, she wasn't exactly innocent either. She had to watch her mouth in front of the kids, especially now that Bailey was starting to repeat words like a parrot. Luckily, she'd learned her lesson when Zola started talking. She'd said the word _Damnit _one too many times in front of Zola, because low and behold, one day, she'd woken up to her thirteen-month-old daughter saying _Damnit_. There were plenty of other worse words in Meredith's regular vocabulary she could have picked up, though.

"Is Dr. Wilson your girlfriend?" Blake asked sweetly.

Alex nodded. "Yes, Blake. Jo is my girlfriend."

"Why did you and my mommy break up? She was your girlfriend once, right?" the little boy questioned.

Alex sighed. "Blake, it's a long story." He eyed Izzie.

"Do you not love my mommy anymore? Is that why you breaked up?" Blake asked.

Alex shook his head. "Son, it's a long story," he sighed. _Son_, Meredith noticed how Alex smiled when he said the word. It was a smile that Meredith hadn't seen before on Alex's face before; it was warm, and filled with compassion. He really did love Blake. Blake may not have been in his life for very long, but he was his son. And Meredith was confident Alex would be a good dad. It might just take him a little time to get used to it. After all, it had taken her time to get used to being a mom. She was _still _getting used to it. She wasn't sure how long it actually took to get used to being a parent. Sometimes it baffled her that she had _two _children now. She really had to look in the mirror and see how much things had changed in the past two years. A few years ago, she thought she'd never have kids. They'd tried and tried and tried, and nothing. And now she looked at herself with two beautiful babies.

"He still loves your mommy very much," Jo insisted. She smiled at Izzie, even though Izzie couldn't see the smile. "But sometimes two people who love each other, for whatever reason it is, can't be together. That's just how it is."

"Oh," Blake said softly. "Well, I like you, Dr. Wilson. You're really cool. Are you gonna be my second mommy?"

Jo's eyes widened then directed a quick look at Meredith. "Actually," Jo said. "You already have a mommy. You only need one mommy."

"Oh," Blake said. "Then what do I call you?"

"You call me," Jo said slowly, "Jo. Just Jo."

"Okay, Just Jo," Blake smiled. He extended his hand to shake Jo's. Jo, Izzie, and Meredith all giggled. Cristina merely shook her head.

"Well, since nobody's finding my resident to set up the EKG, I'm gonna go take Mer back to her room, since _she's supposed to be resting_," Cristina insisted. "Let me know when you residents get your heads together." She looked directly at Jo.

"I don't where Steph is," Jo sighed. "But I'll set up the EKG, okay?"

"I don't care who does it," Cristina shrugged, gripping onto Meredith's wheelchair handles.

"Bye, Meredif!" Blake waved goodbye as Cristina pushed Meredith out of the room. Meredith waved back.

"Somebody needs to get you back to bed too, buddy," Alex pointed out. "It's _way _past your bed time."

Meredith's night in the hospital had resulted in everything but rest. She didn't regret it one bit, though.

* * *

><p><strong>AN2: Somehow this chapter ended up over 7K, so this seems like a good place to end it. Some of you may have seen me tweet that next chapter will be mostly MerDer. Well, now that's going to be chapter 41. I got carried away with the Jolex/Izzex in this chapter, but I needed to move that storyline along and tie up some loose ends. The remainder of this story will be about tying up loose ends as I still have plenty to tie up. Next chapter will focus in more detail on the Amelia/Owen/Cristina situation (as you got a taste of that this chapter), Izzie's health, and Meredith makes a decision. **


	40. Chapter 40

Meredith managed to get a few hours of sleep. She woke as Cristina lay her head on her shoulder. She blinked several times until the hospital room came into full focus. It took her a moment to realize where she was and recall the events of the prior day. She saw across the room that Jo was asleep on the couch. Cristina tilted her head up and met Meredith's eyes.

"I was trying not to wake you," she whispered as she slowly lifted her head off Meredith's shoulder.

"It's okay," Meredith insisted. "How's Izzie? What did the EKG reveal?"

"She's fine," Cristina responded. "Just a slight flow murmur, nothing major. All her other vitals are strong, except of course her eyesight. Over all, I think she's strong enough for surgery today. I mean, that's assuming your nutty sister-in-law knows what the hell she's doing."

"Cristina," Meredith sighed, wishing Cristina would stop trash-talking Amelia. She was relieved to hear that Izzie was okay, though she felt a little stupid for calling Cristina in. She was just covering all the bases, and really, she just wanted to make sure that she and Cristina were on good terms. Honestly, Meredith wasn't sure she could handle yet another fight with Cristina.

"Right," Cristina sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Meredith guided Cristina's head back to her shoulder and adjusted her shoulder, so she could wrap her arm around her person. "I just…I don't know, Mer."

"You're jealous," Meredith insisted.

"I guess I am," Cristina confessed. "I mean, I know it's selfish for me to even have thought Owen and I could work it out. It's true. We want different things. Very different things. So no matter how much we love each other, we'll never be happy together. It's selfish for me to want him, and I knew he would have to move on eventually...though, Emma was all wrong for him. And I know I shouldn't judge your sister-in-law. Obviously, she can't be _that _bad if she's a surgeon. They don't just give anyone a medical license."

"That's true," Meredith said; took a deep breath through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. "You know, it's kind of funny, Owen told me that Amelia reminds him of you."

"He said that?" Cristina gasped.

Meredith nodded. "And you know, I've spent a little time with her, and I think he's right. She is a lot like you."

"Oh, jeez, Mer. Don't say that," Cristina sighed. "That's the last thing I need to hear. And if you're expecting for us all suddenly to become friends...please don't go there, Mer. It's not happening."

"I'm not saying you have to become friends," Meredith said adamantly. "I'm just saying that maybe you should give her a chance. It's not doing anyone good by constantly criticizing her."

Cristina exhaled. "I miss dark and twisty Mer who used to make fun of the Shepherd spawn with me. You've been corrupted by them."

"Corrupted by whom?" Meredith gasped.

"The Shepherd Spawn," Cristina said. "You're one of them now. You've bore a child with their blood. You defend the wolves. You've transferred to the other side. I was afraid this might happen."

"You're over thinking this." Meredith shook her head. "Just because I have a son with Shepherd blood and happen to kind of like Amelia, doesn't make me _one of them_. I'm still not too fond of Lizzie, and according to Amelia, it's Kathleen who coined the term _slutty intern_. So, I'm not so sure I like her either. And Nancy's hated me since day one, so it's kind of hard to like someone who hates you. Besides, Amelia's not like the others. She's the black sheep. I used to be the black sheep of the family, so I feel like I can relate to her."

"And how does that make her kind of like me? Sounds like she's more like you than me," Cristina said. "I'm not the black sheep of my family. Plus, I've never done drugs, and I've never gotten pregnant and not known who the father was. And I've never cheated on my boyfriend."

"Okay, I've never done the last two," Meredith said adamantly. "But _you _had no problem sleeping with Owen when you knew he was in a relationship with another woman. And...well...I guess I had no problem sleeping with Derek when he was still married, but that's beside the point."

"Wait, you've done drugs?" Cristina looked perplexed. Meredith swallowed. "Well, what do you know, seven years later and we're still learning new things about each other. And I bet you _anything _that if I made a move on Owen now, even if he really does like her, he'd _still _choose me."

"I wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions." Meredith and Cristina were both startled by a voice from in the doorway. Amelia stood, wearing her navy blue scrubs and white coat.

Meredith watched Cristina's jaw drop. "I-I'm not saying that I would do that."

"You know what?" Amelia sighed. "Save it. You don't have to like me. I know you have history with Owen, and I know you still love him. He's told me a lot about you, you know? Like, you know, how you aborted his child."

"Okay, _that's _none of your business," Cristina responded dryly. She narrowed her shoulders as she sat up, moving away from Meredith. Meredith still leaned against the pillow as Cristina placed her feet on the ground to stand up.

"You're right. It's not. And frankly, I really don't care. Just like Owen and I are none of your business, so do me a favor and mind your own business," Amelia said, giving Cristina a snide smile. She sighed.

"You know, I really don't take orders from, well, anyone. Especially you," Cristina responded. "You're the silly pathetic crybaby who ran to Big Brother's house the minute things got hard for you. You obviously don't know how to deal with your problems and accept consequences. You think you can just run away? Well, I hate to tell you, you know _nothing _about survival. And when it comes down to it, the baby in your womb is the only thing drawing Owen to you. And if you hurt him, I swear to God, I'll have your ass so quickly in a coffin…"

"Cristina!" Meredith snapped. Amelia's blue eyes shined, fighting tears. Cristina clenched her fists together.

She turned to Meredith and mouthed, "I'm sorry, I had to say it." Then she jolted out of the room.

On the couch, Jo stirred, and she sat up. "What just happened?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

Amelia stared in awe with her jaw dropped. "Nothing," she said finally. "Nothing just happened."

"Oh," Jo widened her eyes. "Uh, I'll be back." She left Amelia and Meredith alone.

"Amelia," Meredith said softly, "I'm sorry. She didn't mean to - "

"Yes she did," Amelia responded. "She meant every word of it, and the sad thing is, some of it's probably true."

"I don't know about that," Meredith said.

"Please, don't try to make me feel better," Amelia insisted. "She's right. When I'm scared, I hide from my problems. When I was fired from my fellowship, I hid in LA with Addie and just hoped she would find me a job. I was too chicken to ask my brother for a reference, even though I knew any reference from him would get me a job. Then I screwed up in LA. Totally screwed up. I had nowhere else to run. I mean, sure I have three sisters, but I knew none of them would let me live this down. Plus, all their spouses hate me, mainly due to my sisters trash talking me twenty-four-seven. I came here because, well, the last time I was here, Derek and I ended on fairly good terms. He told me that if I ever wanted to do drugs again to call him, he'd come down to LA and do them with me." She laughed. "Now, I know he was kidding, but it gave me a sense of security. Plus, I wanted to get to know you better, and you're the only current in-law who hasn't ever made me feel inadequate. So, she's right. I ran. I run from my problems. I don't face them."

"Amelia…" Meredith began.

"...Anyway," Amelia cut in. "I'm not here to talk about my problems." She rolled her eyes. "I was here to check on you. Jo sent me the lab reports she ran this morning, and everything looks good from the labs. How are you feeling?"

Meredith exhaled. She _hated _when people asked her how she was feeling. "Honestly? Tired. I've never been one who sleeps well in hospitals."

"Okay, well, have you had any chest pain? Any headaches? Any blurred vision?"

"No," she said. "I know what symptoms to look for."

"Right," Amelia replied. "Well, I feel comfortable discharging you, on one condition."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "One condition?"

Amelia reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of a paper. "You go to D.C."

"What?" Meredith's jaw dropped. "Amelia, I can't...the kids."

"And as I told you, I'll watch them. They'll be fine. Really, Owen and I had no problems with them last night. Well, they were both beat, so they went straight to bed. Then this morning I made them waffles. Your kids _love _waffles. Owen's really great with them." Amelia frowned when she mentioned Owen's name.

"Amelia, Owen really cares about you," Meredith told her. "I think his feelings are genuine, at least from what he told me. You can't take what Cristina said to heart."

"Right," Amelia gave her a faux smile. "Stop worrying about me. You have your own issues and problems. I can deal with my own. You need to go to D.C. - I'm sure Derek will love the surprise."

"He's supposed to come home tomorrow morning, so by the time I get there…"

"Stay an extra day," she insisted. "It won't kill either of you to spend a day away from Seattle and the kids. It'll be good. And if you don't want to stay in D.C., maybe you could take the train up to visit Mom. She'd love to see you guys."

"She'll be mad we didn't bring the kids," Meredith replied.

"She'll just be happy to see you guys," Amelia shrugged, sighing. "It's been a while since I've seen her. I really should make the trip out there to see her. She doesn't even know I'm pregnant. She didn't know about the first baby, either. I'm such a terrible daughter."

Meredith laughed. "You're not a terrible daughter, Amelia." Meredith pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "If anyone was a terrible daughter, it was me. My mom hated me, and then she got Alzheimer's, and I barely went to visit her. Before she was diagnosed, I thought she just didn't care and that's why she didn't remember anything I told her. But you have a good mom, Amelia. She's never struck me as the judgmental type, so I think you should tell her about the baby."

Amelia nodded, sighing. "I'll think about it. I just don't know how I'm gonna tell her about what I did...I can't tell her about Jake and Cooper. I can't. I mean, she never liked Addie; she forgave Mark after Addison cheated on Derek with him, but she never did forgive Addie. She still won't justify my actions. I just feel...as though she's disowned me. Derek's always been her favorite."

"So I've heard," Meredith laughed. "Just call your mom, okay?"

She was giving Shepherd family members advice. Maybe Cristina was right. She _had _been corrupted. She was Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey didn't do families. Well, she never used to anyway. Meredith had changed. Now, she'd bore a son with the Shepherd last name, she'd attended a Shepherd family Christmas, and she was befriending a Shepherd sister. Oh, boy, she had changed all right.

Meredith's phone, which sat on the end table next to her bed, started to buzz. Amelia picked it up and looked at the ID. "It's Derek," she announced, handing the phone to Meredith.

A picture of her smiling husband lit up her iPhone. She clicked the green button to answer the phone. "Hey, Derek," she said into the phone.

"How's my beautiful wife?" he asked; he sounded happy.

"Just peachy," Meredith replied. "And how are you?"

"Not bad myself," he said. "Hey, so I have no idea what time it is there. My head is all screwed up. It should be pretty early in the morning, right?"

She glanced at the clock. "It's eight," she said.

"Oh, okay, so are you still at the house? If so, I'd love to say hello to the kids," he said.

"I'm already at the hospital, sorry. Actually, I ended up spending the night. Amelia watched the kids, though. She said they were really well-behaved," Meredith told him.

"Oh, well, that's good to hear. Did you have a rough case? Stuck in the OR?" he asked.

"Just observation," she said; she noticed Amelia eyeballing her.

"Couldn't find a resident? Or was it a critical patient?" he asked.

"Critical," she sighed; she hated that she was lying to him, but she didn't want to tell him over the phone. "So, it's like eleven o'clock there? How was your meeting this morning?"

"It went wonderful," he responded. "We discussed a lot of interesting topics, and I think they liked my speech. In fact, they've asked me to present tomorrow evening…"

"You were coming home tomorrow morning," she pointed out.

"Right. Please don't be mad," he pleaded. She could sense the worry in his voice.

"I'm not," she sighed. "It's okay. You should stay and present. I mean, you're already there. You might as well."

"Wow, so you're not going to yell at me?" he laughed, sounding completely surprised.

"Nah," she told him. "I'm not in the mood to yell today."

"You okay?" he asked, sudden concern filled his voice. "You sound tired."

"Yeah, I am. Didn't get much sleep. You know what it's like spending the night at the hospital," she told him then teased, "especially when you don't have anyone to occupy the on-call rooms with."

"Aw, well, I'm glad you're not occupying any on-call rooms without me," he teased.

"They're just not as fun without you," she sighed.

"We'll make a surgery and on-call room date when I get back, okay?" he suggested.

"I'm game," she giggled. She saw Amelia mouth the word _Okay_, and she started walking toward the door. Meredith sighed. "Hey, Derek, what are you doing tonight?" Amelia stopped and turned around.

"I don't have plans," he said. "Why? Were you wanting to FaceTime?" _He got it right, _Meredith thought, smiling proudly to herself.

"Uh, yeah, actually," she told him. "I think the kids would like it."

"All right. Give me a call when you're home, and we'll plan on it," he told her.

"It's a date, then," she smiled. Amelia was staring at her. "Well, I have to go. I'll talk to you tonight. I love you."

"Love you, too," he said, and she ended the call. Amelia shook her head.

"You didn't tell him," Amelia noted.

"You didn't tell him about you and Owen, either," Meredith pointed out. She sighed. "I'll tell him when I land in D.C., all right?"

"Oh, so you're actually going?" Amelia asked; she still held the piece of paper in her hand. "And I honestly don't care if you tell him about Owen and me. It's whatever."

"That's a plane ticket in your hand, isn't it?" she asked. Amelia handed her the paper. Meredith read the fine print. _One-way Ticket to Washington D.C. Flight leaves Seattle-Tacoma International Airport at 12:25 p.m. PDT. Lands at Reagan International Airport at 8:43 p.m. EDT. _"One-way?"

"I didn't know when you'd want to fly back or if you and Derek would end up going to see Mom, so I figured you could buy your own ticket back," Amelia explained. She chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm not trying to get rid of you forever."

"I didn't figure," Meredith replied. "Well, as it turns out, Derek got asked to give a presentation tomorrow evening, so he has to stay another day in D.C."

"Well, that works out, then," Amelia smiled.

"Whatever. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's busy with his meetings," Meredith shrugged.

"Tag along with him?" Amelia suggested. "Meredith, I can't help but notice...you really seem to be interested in Neuro. I don't know you that well, so it's not really my place to judge, but are you happy with your career choice?"

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked.

"It's just...work isn't supposed to be stressful if you truly enjoy what you're doing. I know you're a general surgeon, but are you really happy being a general surgeon?"

"What kind of question is that?" Meredith asked. "I'm stressed because I'm trying to balance work and family. I want to be a great mother and a great surgeon. It's not easy, especially when your husband isn't around all the time to help."

"Never mind," Amelia shook her head. "I was just thinking… forget it."

_Work isn't supposed to be stressful if you truly enjoy what you're doing._

The words stuck in Meredith's head. Being a surgeon wasn't easy. There was no question about it. The very nature of it was stressful. But she never used to feel bogged down after a day in the OR. Every surgery gave her a high. That hadn't happened much lately. The high...she remembered it clearly...it'd happened when she'd stepped in to operate on James when Derek had left. She remembered. Her head had filled with euphoria. A feeling she hadn't felt in a while. And even yesterday, when she was in the OR with Amelia and had watched her. Even though she felt shitty, there had been something about watching Amelia with an open brain on the table that had excited her.

She swallowed. She missed the high. Amelia had a point. General didn't give her a high. It hadn't been her first choice. After she left Neuro, she'd stopped caring about which specialty she chose. For the vast majority of her residency, she'd planned on becoming a neurosurgeon, then she realized she couldn't be a neurosurgeon and be married to one. It just wouldn't work. She'd sacrificed her career to save her marriage.

Meredith's heart raced.

"Well, I need to go prep Izzie for surgery," Amelia announced. "I'll page Jo to bring you to the discharge forms, all right? Then you'll be on your way to D.C."

"Wait," Meredith said. "Take care of Izzie, Amelia. Please make sure she survives this."

Amelia nodded. "I'll try my best."

"I saw the tumor. It's massive. I have a feeling even Derek would feel hesitant about removing it. Her odds aren't great, are they?" Meredith asked.

"I removed a tumor about the same size a year ago," Amelia told Meredith. "The patient survived and just had a baby a month ago. It's possible. I believe I can do this."

"I believe you can too," Meredith told her.

"Thanks," Amelia smiled. "It means a lot that you believe in me." She slowly tilted her head then left the room.

Meredith knew Izzie wouldn't be out of surgery by the time the plane left, so she wouldn't hear about Izzie's prognosis until after she landed in Washington D.C. She knew she needed to let go. It wasn't her place to worry. Izzie was her friend, and even after all this time, she still cared about her. But whatever would happen would happen. If Izzie was meant to live, she would live. If she wasn't, she wouldn't. Meredith was just grateful that Izzie and Alex had made things right last night.

Jo entered the room. "So, I have the discharge forms."

Meredith took the papers from Jo's hands. "How are you doing?" she asked. She didn't bother reading the forms. She knew what they said. After all, she'd gone over them with several patients in the past. She quickly signed her name on all the lines.

Jo shook her head. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"I was just wondering," Meredith shrugged. "Last night couldn't have been easy for you. I mean, I should know. Even after all this time and two kids later, I still get jealous when Derek likes one of Addison's Instagram pictures."

"You know," Jo sighed. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Izzie's a wonderful person. She's not the crazy bitch Alex played her out to be. And, you know, Alex and I talked afterward. He made it clear he still loves her, and he always will. And honestly, I'm okay with that. She was his first true love. You never stop loving your first love. He also made it clear to me that he has no intention of leaving me." A tear wallowed in Jo's eye. "He said he sees me as his forever." Water streamed down her face. "And, you know, maybe it sounds crazy, but I think it'd be cool if we could all be friends. I'm really hoping Izzie makes it through this surgery."

"You're not crazy," Meredith assured her. "You're just a better person than I am."

"And Blake...he's a great kid. I want to get to know him better, just as Jo." She laughed lightly. "_Just _Jo. That kid is too cute."

"I'm glad you guys are working it out," Meredith smiled.

"Well, you're all set here. You're good to go," Jo told her. Meredith noticed a bag sitting by the couch. She wondered if Amelia had dropped it off when she came in earlier. Her arrival hadn't been so pleasant, given the circumstances at the time. Meredith slid out of bed and walked over to the sack. She looked in and found a pair of jeans and a blouse. Amelia must have raided her dresser.

Meredith swallowed. She hoped Amelia hadn't come across her hidden drawer of fun adult toys. She and Derek had gone through an exploratory point during their relationship. Most of their explorations they'd done only once. Needless to say, the toy drawer hadn't been touched in a long time.

She went into the bathroom to change her clothes. _Oh, God, _she thought as she looked in the mirror. She looked like crap. No make-up. No foundation. The wrinkles around her eyes showed deeply. Luckily, she had some foundation in her purse in the lounge.

* * *

><p>It felt good to walk again and not be pushed around in a wheelchair. She'd felt so pathetic and embarrassed last night. Now, she was free.<p>

She encountered Callie again as she got onto the elevator.

"So, we meet again," Meredith sighed.

"You're not in a wheelchair this time," Callie pointed out. "But, no offense, you look like crap."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. "Hey, actually, I was hoping I'd run into you."

"Oh, really. Why?" Callie asked.

"I need to know where Derek stays when he's in D.C.," she said. "You would know, I mean, because you went out with him that one time. Does he stay in the same place every time?"

"Uh, as far as I know, yeah," Callie said. "I can text you the address. I have the information on my phone." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked intently on it.

"Thanks," Meredith said graciously.

"Do I need to ask why, though?" Callie asked.

"Don't tell him this, but I'm gonna surprise him in D.C. Amelia's orders. Apparently it's in the conditions of my discharge," Meredith laughed.

"Oh, well, it sounds like she's just trying to get you out of town," Callie shrugged. The elevator dung and Callie stepped off. Meredith's eyes widened. What motive would Amelia have to want her out of town? She shrugged it off. It was only going to be for a day or two. Yet, the thought swarmed her head. She worried about leaving the kids alone.

After tidying herself up, and lathering her face with some foundation, she went to check on the kids. She had time before her plane was set to leave. She needed to see the kids before she left.

"Mommy!" Zola cried when Meredith entered the daycare. "You all better?"

"I'm all better," she said as she gave her daughter a hug. Her son also began toddling over toward her. He held a big car in his hand.

"Mama!" He clapped. She bent down and took both kids in her arms. She carried them over to the daycare couch so she could sit with both her kids.

"So, I heard you were good for Auntie Amy and Uncle Owen?" she asked.

Zola nodded. "I was good girl," she assured her mother. Both kids snuggled close to her. "Momma, I have question."

"What's that, Zozo?" Meredith asked.

"Auntie Amy is gonna have a baby?" she asked.

"Yes, she is," Meredith answered.

"Is Uncle Owen the daddy?" Zola asked.

Meredith's eyes widened. When she was pregnant with Bailey, Zola hadn't really asked any questions. She was excited to be a big sister. Meredith remembered when she and Derek sat down with her to explain that she was going to be a big sister. She'd been entertained by the idea of setting her hand on Mommy's belly, and whenever Bailey kicked, she would giggle. She thought it was cool that there was baby in Mommy's tummy, but she hadn't once asked how it'd gotten there. Meredith was glad, too, because she wasn't prepared to tell her little girl where babies came from yet.

"Well, Zola, yes," she told her. She wasn't lying. Even if Owen wasn't the baby's biological father, it looked like he planned to help Amelia raise the baby.

"When did he put the baby in her tummy?" Zola asked.

_Oh no she didn't, _Meredith thought.

"What do you mean, Zozo?" She wanted to clarify what her daughter actually wanted to know before answering.

"Blakey told me that a boy has to put a baby in a girl's belly in order for her to have a baby," Zola explained.

Meredith bit her lip. As it turned out, Blake was turning more and more into Alex's son. She just hoped it wasn't Alex who had given Blake the birds and the bees talk. "Well, Zola, Uncle Owen didn't put the baby in Auntie Amy's tummy."

"Then who did?" Zola asked, with wide eyes. "Did someone else?"

"Yes," Meredith said. "We don't know the man, Zola."

"So if a girl wants a baby, can she go up to any boy and ask him to be the daddy?" Zola asked innocently.

"It doesn't quite work like that, Zola," Meredith told her daughter; she was starting to feel uncomfortable having this conversation with her three-year-old.

"Oh. Because I want to ask Blake to give me a baby," Zola said.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. So her daughter had a little crush on Blake Stevens. She found it adorable, though yet a little worrisome. Zola was far too young to even be _thinking _about sex. Meredith was sure that this conversation was purely innocent, after all. She didn't know what she was asking. Meredith hoped she had several more years before she had to have the "sex talk" with either of her children.

Bailey was playing with her fingers as Meredith smiled, "Honey, maybe when you're older you can ask Blake to give you a baby, okay? Like when you're thirty. Right now, you need to be a kid."

"I want a baby now!" Zola announced. So, her three-year-old had baby fever.

"You have a baby," Meredith insisted. "You have your baby brother."

"Well, I want another baby. A baby girl! Maybe you and Daddy should have another baby," Zola said. Meredith giggled. _Did Derek put her up to this? _ "Is Auntie Amy having a girl or a boy?"

"She's having a little boy," Meredith told her.

"Drats! There are too many boys!" Zola crossed her arms together.

"Just think of it this way, Zo," Meredith smiled, "you're gonna have all these boys to protect you when you grow up."

"I don't need no protecting!" Zola announced. "I protect Bailey from bad kids." She wrapped her arms around Bailey. "I'm his big sissy."

"Yes, you are," Meredith smiled. "You're a great big sissy."

"Zozo sissy!" Bailey cooed. Meredith bit her lip, knowing her son didn't intend to call his big sister a sissy. She hoped they had a few years left before _that _kind of thing started to happen. Meredith liked the age her kids were now. They still liked each other. She dreaded the sibling rivalry. After all, she saw it so evident in the Shepherd genes.

One thing was for certain, Meredith didn't want either of her kids to think that she liked one of them more than the other. She loved them both equally, and she wanted it to be clear to them. The last thing she wanted was what she'd seen with Lizzie and Amelia. Both were so adamant about the fact their mom didn't love them, and that Derek was her favorite. Meredith didn't want Zola or Bailey to think that about the other. She didn't want either to think she had a favorite child, because Meredith didn't.

"I love you both so much," Meredith smiled, hugging both her kids. She kissed Zola's forehead and then she kissed Bailey's. "Now, your Auntie Amy and Uncle Owen are going to pick you up again tonight. Mommy's going to go visit Daddy."

"I wanna go!" Zola pouted, crossing her arms.

"I know, baby, but it's only going to be for a day or two, then we'll both be back. You'll be good for Auntie Amy and Uncle Owen, right?"

Zola stuck her lip out. "Yes."

"And what about you, Bails?" she touched her son's shoulder, whose curiosity centered around the little bandage on her arm from where the IV had been earlier. He ran his finger around the tan-colored bandage.

"Boo-boo," he said.

"Yes, Momma has a boo-boo," Meredith smiled. "Now, are you gonna be a good boy when Momma's away?"

"Go poo," Bailey said, and Meredith felt the warmth on her legs. Bailey had, as he'd just said, gone poo. Meredith sighed. She didn't miss changing diapers.

Since she was there already, she changed her son's diaper. Zola returned to playing with Sofia, and Meredith set Bailey in the under-one section of the daycare. He started playing next to one of the radiologist's sons. Meredith couldn't believe that it wouldn't be long before Bailey was in the one-to-two section. He was growing up so fast.

She left the daycare, ready to go, when she saw Alex talking to woman wearing a suit.

"He's my kid," Alex said. "What do you mean I can't have custody of him?"

"I'm sorry, but your name isn't listed on the birth certificate, and you're also the one who reported Ms. Stevens for neglect. While her case is still open, it's protocol that the child be placed into protective services until further notice."

"Take one look at me. Take one look at Blake. He's my freaking kid! It's not rocket science. The kid loves me, and I'm his father. He should be with his father!" Alex shot.

"I understand why you're upset, but you have to understand that rules are rules. I can't just hand the kid over to someone who's not a registered foster parent and isn't listed on the kid's birth certificate, Dr. Karev," the child services representative told him. Meredith saw Alex's face was fuming. His teeth clenched together. And in the distance, she saw Arizona Robbins walking toward them.

"Excuse me," she interrupted. "Are you here about Blake Stevens?"

"Yes, I'm here to take place him into foster care," the woman said.

"Right. Well, I'm his doctor. Dr. Arizona Robbins, and well, I have some concerns. He's a little underweight and short for his age, so I'd like to run more tests. I hope you won't mind if we keep him another day," Arizona smiled.

The child services worker looked unconvinced. "Of course…" she said. Then she glared at Alex. "I'll be back first thing in the morning to take him."

"We'll see you then," Arizona said; her eyes glowed.

"Really, Robbins. Really? _Underweight. _You're not helping my case. They're going to think it's because of neglect that he's under-developed!" Alex spat.

"Will you shut up and thank me? I just bought you an extra day. Plus, he's not really under-developed. That was just a ploy. I'll just say I was wrong tomorrow," Arizona shrugged.

"As if they're not already onto you," Alex walked off then locked eyes with Meredith. "Mer," he mumbled.

"Hey, Alex," she sighed. "I saw…"

Alex shook his head. "This is bull crap. They can't do this, can they? He's my kid."

"The system sucks," Meredith admitted.

"So, you're going home?" Alex asked.

"Actually," Meredith sighed, "I'm going to D.C."

"Oh, she actually convinced you to go?" Alex asked; Meredith knew that _she _was Amelia.

"She did," Meredith sighed. "So I'm going. It'll be good, right? I need to get away...and Derek and I never get away without the kids. Of course, D.C. isn't my idea of a vacation."

"I've never been there," Alex admitted.

"I have," she said. "It's a nice city full of rich history. Great place to go when you're in high school or college. My idea of a vacation is a margarita on the beach, though. Hey, at least the cherry blossoms should be in bloom. They're gorgeous. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures."

Alex shook his head grimly. "Well, have fun or whatever. I'm gonna go check on Izzie. Have you heard anything?"

"Just that Amelia was prepping her for surgery," Meredith said. She swallowed a spitball in her throat. She didn't want to tell Alex about how slim Izzie's chances actually were, because she was confident in Amelia's abilities as a surgeon. Alex had enough on his plate. Poor Alex. He'd just found out he had a kid, and now he was fighting to get custody of the kid. On top of it all, Izzie was blind, and she might die in surgery.

Alex's world really had fallen apart this year. First his dad. Now this. He didn't get to catch a break. At least he had Jo. It was great that she was supporting him through all this. Meredith hoped they would work out.

Meredith had a plane to catch.

* * *

><p>She hated planes. She always had, even before the plane crash. It was part of the reason she didn't travel much. There was something about being thirty-five thousand feet above the ground that made her uncomfortable. Plus, she wasn't in control. At least when she was driving her car, she was in control - well, somewhat. She couldn't control the other driver.<p>

You had a much greater chance of dying in an automobile crash than a plane crash, but that didn't make planes any less nerve wracking for Meredith. Though, she liked flying alone. She would much rather fly alone than on a plane with her husband and children, because at least if the plane went down, they wouldn't go down with her.

When the plane had gone down with her and Derek both, she had been absolutely terrified. She'd worried that they would both die, and Zola would grow up without parents. Fortunately, they'd both survived, and Zola had both her parents _and _a new baby brother who wouldn't have existed if Meredith and Derek had perished in the crash. Life was funny like that. It sent you curve balls, and then it rewarded you with blessings.

Meredith couldn't stop thinking about her kids. She felt guilty for leaving them. It wasn't something she wanted to do, but she trusted Amelia and Owen to take good care of them. She trusted them to work things out, despite Cristina's harsh words earlier. Meredith loved Cristina, but she knew first hand that Cristina had mean girl tendencies. She hoped that Cristina too would come around.

The plane landed in the city of Washington D.C. right on schedule. As it lowered onto the ground, Meredith looked out her window, and watched as the plane floated over the United States Capitol Building. Lights lit up the city as the sun was nearly set.

As it turned out, Amelia hadn't just grabbed _one _pair of clothing for her. She'd packed two days' worth of clothes for her and her toothbrush and hairbrush. Amelia had been adamant about her leaving.

_To get rid of her_. Callie's words rang in Meredith's head. She didn't believe it.

After she landed, she didn't have a checked luggage to pick up, so she headed toward the front door so she could grab a cab. She read the text message Callie had sent her earlier with the address of the hotel Derek stayed at. The hotel was called the Hay-Adams Hotel. It was on 16th Ave NW, which she believed was near the White House. She google searched it on her phone and saw that it was a five-star hotel.

She also had two missed text messages. She didn't know when they were sent, though, since her phone had just received them when she'd landed.

_Izzie made it out of surgery - vitals are strong. _She read the text from Amelia.

Her heart dropped when she read the second text. It was from Izzie herself. It was short, but it got the point across:

_I can see! _

Meredith smiled. Izzie's vision had returned _and _she'd survived surgery. It was a good day. Now, she and Alex just had to sort everything out with child services.

She stepped outside. It was already dark, but that didn't stop the warm, dry D.C. air from scathing her skin. It was much drier in D.C. than Seattle. It was one thing she _didn't _miss about the east coast, to be honest. Most people complained about Seattle because it was so damp all the time, but she liked it. She was used to it. On the east coast, her lips would always get so chapped. That wasn't an issue she'd ever had in Seattle.

Meredith caught a cab and told the driver where to go.

The driver dropped her off at a tall, elegant-looking building. She went inside and was instantly dazzled at the sight. Luxurious was certainly the word to describe this hotel. It was definitely not her cup of tea, but she could certainly see how it was Derek's.

The entry was huge, so she looked around, trying to find the front desk. Callie had mentioned in her text that he stayed in a different room each time.

She wandered around aimlessly until a concierge approached her.

"Excuse me, Miss. May I help you?" he asked. He was dark-skinned and wore a suit.

"Uh, yeah, I'm looking for the front desk," she said, feeling rather stupid.

"Right over here," he guided her to the right. "Is this your first time in D.C.?"

"No, but it's my first time inside this hotel," she explained, not wanting to sound too stupid. Was it that obvious that she had no idea where she was going? It must be.

She approached a man behind the desk. "Excuse me. Can you tell me which room Derek Shepherd is in?" she asked.

"Of course," he said, looking at his computer. "It looks like he's in Suite 243." He pointed to the elevator to her right. "Just go up there and turn to your right. You should find it."

"Thank you," she smiled, and she did as the man said.

She stood in front of the door that read _243_. She could hear voices behind the door. Laughing. _And a woman's voice_.


	41. Chapter 41

Meredith felt like someone had stabbed a dagger right through her carotid artery and now she was bleeding to death. She physically could not breathe. Her heart throbbed with a dull ache accompanied. Her stomach acid boiled. An image of _her husband _with another woman exploded inside her mind. She couldn't help but think dark and twisty thoughts; it was in her nature.

_No, _she thought, _Derek wouldn't. _She took in a deep breath, forcing air into her lungs. Derek knew what it felt like to be cheated on. After all, he was the man who had walked in on his wife sleeping with his best friend. Derek wouldn't cheat on her. He just wouldn't. _He wouldn't_.

Then again, he hadn't expected his wife to show up in Washington D.C. today. He thought she was on the other side of the country.

Meredith didn't know what to do. "What do I do? What do I do?" she mouthed over and over. Should she knock on the door?

Maybe there was a legitimate reason for this woman's presence behind the doors that led into the suite Derek Shepherd supposedly occupied. Maybe Meredith was thinking the worst for nothing. Nothing at all. The woman could, after all, just be a colleague who was going over his presentation with him.

Meredith's stomach twisted and turned as she heard the woman's laugh again.

She froze as the woman's laugh was followed by a man's laugh.

_A man's laugh that wasn't Derek's. _Meredith exhaled slowly through her nose. She smiled, shaking her head. Did she have the wrong room? She checked the room number again. _243_. She was certain that was what the person at the front desk had said. Had she misheard?

Another man's laugh broke through the door. _Her husband. _Meredith stopped, and without a second thought, she pounded her fist into the door.

The laughter stopped. "Who's there?" a familiar yet strange male voice called. She couldn't put her finger on where she'd heard it before. She could sense someone was looking through the peephole on the other side.

"Meredith," she said hoarsely. "It's Meredith."

She saw the doorknob turn and the door opened. A six-foot tall man with thin white hair stood before her. His cheeks wrinkled when he smiled. She recognized him. "Mr. Vice President?" Her jaw dropped as she looked beyond Joe Biden and saw her husband sitting at a table next to a blonde woman. She had short blonde hair and blue eyes. She was pretty. Meredith's stomach turned.

"Meredith?" Derek's mouth dropped open when he saw her standing in the doorway. He stood up and walked toward her. "What are you doing here? Where are the kids?" He flung his arms around her and her arms wrapped under his arms.

"They're with your sister," she explained.

"They're what?" Derek's eyes widened with concern. "Well," Derek said, swallowing, "Joe, this is my wife, Meredith. Meredith, Joe Biden, and you know of his wife, Jill, right?"

Meredith locked eyes with Jill Biden, who met her with a friendly smile. "Of course," Meredith nodded, and extended her arm to shake the Second Lady's hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Meredith. Derek talks so much about you. Good things, of course," Jill smiled warmly.

"What an honor to finally to meet the woman who keeps Derek in line," Joe Biden smiled, shaking Meredith's hand.

"Well, I can't say I do such a good job of that," Meredith laughed. She wrapped her arm around Derek. "He has a mind of his own." She blushed, hardly believing that she was speaking to the Vice President of the United States and his wife right now. It was surreal.

"Well, darling, shouldn't we be going?" Jill looked at Joe. She then turned to Meredith and added, "Derek was just saying that his wife would be calling him any minute. It sounds like you've done a good job at surprising him."

"I'd say," Derek laughed, rubbing her shoulder. Meredith and Derek locked eyes. She could tell he was happy to see her, though confusion still outlined his face.

"Right, honey, let's go," Joe insisted, taking his wife's hand to help her out of her chair. She elegantly grabbed her purse and waved goodbye; and Joe and Jill exited the suite.

Meredith stared at her husband. "Okay, did that just happen?"

Derek let go of her and nodded. "We had coffee this morning and he wanted to hear more about my presentation that I am giving tomorrow."

Meredith shook her head and sighed, "I cannot believe my husband is on a first-name basis with the Vice President of the United States and his wife. Mr. Hotshot Neurosurgeon."

She rolled her eyes, taking a seat on the nearest bed. The bed was soft, cushiony; much softer than the brick of a hospital bed she'd sort of slept in the night before. She exhaled. Derek still didn't say anything. His eyes frowned. Suddenly, she felt like he wasn't happy to see her after all.

"Meredith, what are you doing here?" he finally asked, standing above her, looking deeply into her eyes.

"I came to surprise you," she told him.

"Well, I can see that," Derek said; he sighed.

"What, a woman can't miss her husband and come surprise him just because?" she asked inquisitively.

"Of course she can," Derek said, shaking his head solemnly. "It's just...never mind. I'm glad you're here. I'm happy to see you, Meredith, but I'm just a little surprised that you left the kids with my sister. I mean, she didn't talk to us for three weeks, and now we're trusting her to watch our kids? You said she was with them last night too, right?"

Derek took a seat next to her and gently leaned his head into hers.

"Well, Owen was with her, too, last night," Meredith said. She knew Amelia had said that she didn't care if Derek knew about her and Owen, but Meredith still felt that it wasn't her place to tell Derek about their relationship. It was complicated, and Meredith didn't want to get involved more than she was already.

"Yeah, I think you or she mentioned that," Derek commented. He exhaled. "And it makes me feel so much better." She sensed sarcasm in his voice. He rubbed his nose against her cheek and lightly pressed his lips against her skin.

"Owen loves kids," Meredith insisted.

"I know," Derek said. "I guess as long as you're okay with this, so am I. You're the one who's so picky about who we leave our kids with."

Meredith nodded. "I wanted to bring them with me, but it was actually Amelia who insisted I come visit you. Honestly? I think she wants practice in the art of parenting."

"Hm?" Derek tiredly nuzzled her cheek.

"Oh, guess what?" Meredith said. "She told me she's keeping the baby."

"I figured she would," Derek said, almost sounding disappointed.

"Don't sound so disappointed," Meredith pointed out. Derek pulled her on top of him. A giggle escaped her lips as he lay back and her stomach lay pressed on top of his. He ran his fingers through her hair. She gazed into his tired, yet dazzling, blue eyes.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered; his hot breath pressed against her mouth as he pressed his lips against hers.

"I'm glad I'm here too," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, realizing how much she'd missed him and it'd only been one day. Their lips pressed together and she sighed, "But I feel bad about leaving the kids. I should text your sister. Maybe she'll FaceTime us with the kids before they go to bed." Meredith glanced at the clock. It was ten-thirty, so seven-thirty Pacific. That meant the kids would still be awake.

She'd left her purse on the table. She rolled off Derek and reached into her purse to pull out her cellphone. Meredith glanced back at Derek, who lay on his shoulder as she sent Amelia a text: _Made it to D.C. Derek and I want to FaceTime the kids. _She pulled out her iPad, realizing she didn't have Amelia's FaceTime information. She then sent Amelia another text message with her FaceTime information.

Meredith soon realized Derek was hovering behind her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rocked her gently; a giggle escaped her lips. "You don't happen to have Amelia's FaceTime info, do you?" she asked, thinking she could send Amelia a request, in case she didn't get the text message.

"I do not," Derek responded. His mouth hovered over her ear; his hot breath lingered into her ear canal and he whispered, "Is TOM still here?"

Meredith sighed and nodded, "Unfortunately. It's day three." Derek knew by now that day one and two were the heavy days, day three was a medium day, and day four was a light day. Usually, they would resume to their regular schedule on day four. Although, she had been lighter than usual this month, which she credited to all the fluids she'd been given last night with the IV. Meredith swallowed, realizing she still had to tell Derek about that.

"Well," he said soothingly into her ear, "we just happen to have a jacuzzi tub."

"Oooo," Meredith moaned as Derek's lips pressed gently onto her collarbone.

"And I was just thinking about taking a bath." His voice was soft as he embraced her with his strong, sturdy arms.

"Well, I could use a bath," she said. She hadn't showered since her night in the hospital, then she'd spent five hours on a plane. She was long overdue for a bath, and a jacuzzi sounded just perfect. Too perfect. Meredith felt like she was suddenly living in a dream. She was at a luxurious hotel in Washington D.C., her husband's arms were wrapped tightly around her, and on top of it all, she'd just met the vice president and his wife. She was convinced that she needed pinching. This had to be a dream.

Derek lifted her legs off the ground and gallantly carried her into the bathroom. A gold theme outlined the bathroom; gold pearls circled around the jacuzzi. Derek removed his shirt then began filling the tub. She undressed and watched as Derek entered the tub. He took her hand and guided her into the jacuzzi. The warm water wrapped around her ankle as she stepped into the water. The heat fumes infused her body as she sat in the water. Tension released from her muscles as she leaned her head against Derek's shoulder. He nuzzled her hair with his nose.

"I'm really glad you're here," he whispered, his breath felt cool against the heat of the jacuzzi. His hands rubbed against her shoulder, and she felt her heart rate slowing. She hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time.

She took a deep breath. "Me, too," she said, and she laughed, thinking about her thoughts in the hallway. She couldn't believe that she'd actually allowed the thought that Derek could possibly cheat on her cross her mind. It was embarrassing. She gazed into Derek's handsome blue eyes and shook her head.

"What's so funny?" he asked, raising one of his dark eyebrows. He kissed her nose. "Psst. You're cute."

She giggled. "Uh, thanks? Um...it's nothing. It's just...I…" she shook her head. "I heard Jill's voice in the hallway outside your door, and I kind of, uh, thought bad things…"

Derek's eyes widened. "Oh," he mouthed. "Well, I know what _that's _like. You heard another woman in my hotel room, so I don't blame you for jumping to the worst conclusion, but I hope you know that I would never…"

"I didn't think you would," she said. "You're not that kind of guy, at least I hope not. And considering your past, but still, you didn't know I'd be coming today, so…"

Derek laughed. "I hope you didn't come just to make sure I was being faithful."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "I would hope you don't honestly think I'd actually do that! Derek, it didn't even cross my mind, honestly. I trust you. Really, I do."

"I trust you too," he said. "I mean, I know you have several friends who are guys...Alex, Owen, Jackson, and that's fine. I know you'd never do anything with any of them."

"You wouldn't be concerned if you came home unexpectedly and Owen was at our place in our bedroom and we were laughing?" she laughed.

Derek lips pressed together and his eyes opened wide. "I'd hope you'd at least be in the living room," he insisted. "Though, if Cristina were with you guys, I guess it wouldn't matter if you were in the bedroom."

_What about Amelia? _she thought, biting her lip. Derek really had no idea that Amelia and Owen were actually together, together.

"What if we're having a threesome?" she teased, turning her head so she could see Derek's reaction. His face plastered with disgust. "Yeah, gross...no way. We need to trust each other. We really do. It's important for a healthy marriage: trust."

"Exactly," he agreed, holding her tightly. She floated on top of him and he pulled her down on his lap. He kissed her shoulders.

"You know," she said, "I had the funniest conversation with our daughter today."

"Oh? Do share," he prompted, massaging his thumbs into her shoulder muscles.

"Well," she swallowed, "Zozo wanted to know how Auntie Amy's baby got in her belly."

"What?" Derek gasped. "She's only three! She's too young to be asking where babies come from."

"Well, Blake apparently told her that a girl had to ask a boy to put a baby in her belly in order to have one," Meredith explained.

"Blake?" Derek questioned. "As in, Alex's kid?" Meredith nodded. "Great. Just great. Okay, that's it, he's staying away from our daughter."

Meredith shook her head and chuckled. "Really, Derek. The question was harmless. Although, she did ask if she could ask Blake to give her a baby."

"WHAT?" Derek barked. "Meredith, that does not sound harmless! Not one bit harmless. The last thing I need is a pregnant five-year-old. I thought we wouldn't have to worry about this for at least another ten years… kids are learning about this stuff way too young nowadays."

"Pregnant five-year-old?" Meredith's jaw dropped. "Uh, is that even possible?"

"There was a five-year-old girl in Peru who had a baby," Derek said.

"Yeah, but she had some weird hormone imbalance disorder that caused precocious puberty. It's not like Zola was asking about sex," Meredith insisted. "I mean, she's three years old. It's normal for her to be curious about things like where babies come from. She was only two when Bailey was born. She's grown up a lot in the last year, so I don't think there's anything wrong with her being curious."

"It all starts here," Derek said solemnly. "One minute she's asking about where babies come from. The next minute she's asking for birth control."

"Well, I'd rather she ask for birth control than be irresponsible," Meredith insisted.

"You're a lot more relaxed about this than I am," Derek laughed, kissing her cheek. "Okay, it's official. You're handling sex ed with the kids, okay? I can't do it. I definitely don't want to be around for the teenaged years."

"Don't say stuff like that," Meredith sighed. "Because with our luck, you'll end up in a plane crash or getting shot and then you won't be around, so please, don't say stuff like that."

"Well, we have survived an unusual amount of bad things," he agreed. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't joke about that." He moved his hands down her waist to her outer thighs. A shiver swept down her spine as he rubbed his hands down the back of her knees.

"Der," she moaned as her stomach fluttered, and she turned around and straddled his waist with her legs. She filled his mouth with a kiss. Their hands intertwined as their lips moved in sync. Their hands rose above the water for a moment, and a shiver tingled through her arms. She moved her hands up his arms and then wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands fixated on her waist. Her nerve were on fire as she released a moan into his mouth. Their lips parted and she smiled down on him, as he smiled back at her. "You know, there was something else Zola said."

"Hm?" His face filled with apprehension.

"Well," Meredith sighed. "When I told her she was too young to have a baby, she asked if you and I could give her a baby sister. Now, you didn't put her up to that, did you?"

Derek shook his head. "Of course not. I thought we agreed that now's not a good time." He moved a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"It's not," she said adamantly. "Derek," she sighed, "there's something you should know."

"Hm?" he raised an eyebrow. She lowered her body on him, and he pulled her into him. She bit her lip nervously, not sure how to tell him, not sure how he would react. She could sense the anxiety in his face. "What is it, Meredith?"

"It's just...I'm not sure how you're going to react. Don't be mad, please," she begged.

"Well, I don't know what it is, so I can't know if I'll be mad if I don't know what it is," he said. "Whatever it is, Meredith, we'll deal with it. Wait…" His eyes widened. "Are you...you're not...pregnant, are you? You're on your period, right? So you're not…?"

"Oh, Gosh," she gasped. "No, I'm not pregnant."

"Okay, I mean, I didn't think…" he stammered. "Then what is it, Meredith? Wait...did you...have another miscarriage?" Terror struck his face.

Her heart broke as he said that, remembering how devastatingly her first pregnancy had ended after Derek was shot. A tear welled in her eyes as she relived that moment in her head. _There's gonna be lots of dirty sex for you tonight_, she remembered telling Derek earlier that day. She'd planned on telling him she was pregnant over dinner, then they'd have sex all night long..._that _night had never happened. Meredith looked back on that moment, though, and realized it had all worked out. In a way, she was grateful she hadn't had a baby then. She was in the middle of her residency. The timing wasn't right. Her hours were more extensive at that time than they were now. Adding a baby into the mix wouldn't have been good. Everything had worked out.

"Mer?" Derek asked, stroking her cheek. "You can tell me."

"I didn't have another miscarriage," she whispered. "Yesterday after you left, I-I had a panic attack…"

"What?" He looked confused.

"I guess I've been really stressed out lately. The other day I had Cristina run a blood test for me, because I thought I was pregnant. Well, she tested a bunch of other stuff too, and well, my white cell count was off, so of course I assumed the worst...I thought I might have cancer…"

"That's why you were acting weird the other night?" he inquired.

She nodded. "Then...I passed out yesterday. I passed out in Alex's arms. Amelia ran a head CT, and it turns out my brain is already starting to reshape."

"Chronic stress reshapes the brain," Derek stated, nodding sadly. She noticed his face discolor.

"I mean, I didn't even realize I was that stressed out...we're surgeons. We put the health of others before our own. We're competitive. We rarely sleep. I've been tired, but I'm always tired. Honestly, I don't remember what it's like _not _to be tired." She looked at Derek, who was staring blankly at her, stunned. "Derek, say something. Derek?"

"Why didn't you call me?" he finally asked. "I guess I'm not understanding. You talked to me last night and this morning, and you _lied _to me?"

"I didn't _lie _per se," she said slowly.

"You told me that you stayed over night to observe a critical patient," he said. "That's not the truth, so it's a lie. Come on, Meredith, don't play the _it's not a lie _card on me. Our three-year-old daughter knows the difference between a lie and the truth, so I sure as hell hope you do."

"Derek," she said quietly, seeing the anger on his face. She slid into the seat next into the seat next to him, still stroking his arm. She could tell he was hurt. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to rush home. I've already given you so much crap about this job, I didn't want you to think that I was trying to force you to come back to Seattle, because I knew that's exactly what you would've done. I didn't want to be a burden."

He shook his head. "You're not a burden." She saw hurt within his eyes. "You know, I should have stayed."

"What?" she asked.

"I knew you didn't feel well. You were downplaying it as cramps, but I knew it was something else. You were being stubborn, and part of me hoped that's all it was. But, I should have stayed," he sighed.

"Derek, I would have never allowed you to stay," she insisted. "You have this job, and it's great, and it's a huge opportunity. I mean, hello, just casually hanging out with the Vice President like it's no big deal? Who gets to do that? This is a _huge _opportunity, and I don't want to stand in the way of it."

He turned his head toward her and shook it. "You're my wife, and I love you, and your health is more important than any career. I know you've been stressed out this year, and my taking this job hasn't helped any. Even when I'm in Seattle most of the time, it's taken focus away from our family. I feel like I never see you or the kids."

"It's been better this past month, though," she said. "Ever since you stopped traveling for days at a time. This is the first time you've been to D.C. in three weeks."

"I'm always working late, and I'm struggling to schedule my surgeries and also put the amount of hours I need into the brain mapping project. It's too much, Meredith," he said, shaking his head. "It'd be great if I was single, but I'm not and I don't want to be. I can't lose you and the kids."

"You're not losing us," Meredith insisted, running her hand down his back. "We're not going anywhere."

Derek leaned his head against hers. "I have a history of being absent. It's how my first marriage fell apart, and I can't have that happen again."

"Derek, I don't know what you're saying," she said.

"I don't know either," he sighed. "But promise me you'll never lie to me again about your health or anything else. Please? I need you around. I need you alive. I need you."

"I promise," she whispered. "Derek, I'm not Addison. I would never cheat on you…"

He smiled weakly and splashed a bit of water on her. The warmth splattered across her face.

"Oh, we're going to play _that _game, huh?" she giggled, splashing water back at him. He chuckled and pulled her on top of him again. He softly pressed his lips against hers and her knees folded around him. She felt her arousal growing. He pushed her back, and her long hair dampened as it touched the warm water. And then he pulled her forward. She hugged him tightly. She felt his hard, throbbing pulse against her leg, and her heart fluttered. Her felt for him with her hand, and slowly guided him inside her and they fused together. Another shiver shot up her spine as she adjusted to his size. Her nerves were on fire.

"Oh, Mer," he moaned, holding onto her waist as she started to move her hips, slowly and carefully. She started to pant as the warmth enthralled her body. The fusion grew as she moved her hips a little faster, and a soft moan escaped her lips.

She was not regretting her visit to D.C. one bit.

Their bath had turned into a two hour affair. After she and Derek were done, Meredith remembered the texts she had sent to Amelia. Meredith's heart dropped when she saw the text Amelia had sent her, timestamped an hour ago:

_CALL ME ASAP _


	42. Chapter 42

Meredith froze. Dark and twisty thoughts terrorized her brain without warning. Her temples throbbed. Meredith swallowed a wad of salty spit in her mouth as she locked eyes with her husband as he walked out of the bathroom. He still had a cotton white towel wrapped around his waist. _Keep it cool, Meredith_, she thought to herself. She didn't want to alarm Derek. She didn't want to worry him if she didn't have to.

_Call me ASAP_, Meredith re-read Amelia's text again. Her finger hovered over the call button, but she didn't press it. Not yet. Meredith's stomach turned. Her first thought: The kids. What if something was wrong with Zola or Bailey? Meredith would never forgive herself for leaving if something had happened to either of her children. Amelia had been so convincing. She'd convinced her that everything would be just fine. _She'll be dead, _Meredith thought, not wanting to begin to imagine that something bad had happened to her kids, but she couldn't shake the menacing thought from her mind.

She clenched her fists together tightly, trying to control her heart rate. _Stop, _she told herself_, stop thinking the worst. _But it was easier thought than done. She couldn't help but think the worst. It was who she was.

"Everything okay?" Derek asked, looking concernedly at his wife as he pulled on a pair of black sweats.

"Uh, yeah." Meredith faked a smile, clenching tightly onto her cellphone. Her eyes fixated on Derek's hairy chest as he walked toward her. He walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You don't look okay," he murmured in her ear, then leaned in to kiss her neck. "What's wrong? Did Amy text you back about FaceTiming with the kids?"

She held her phone to her chest, so Derek couldn't read her screen. His arms were still around her waist and he rocked her gently. She read the time on the alarm clock. It was one in the morning Eastern time, which meant it was ten o'clock Pacific. "Uh, she said they're asleep," Meredith fibbed; she hoped the kids were asleep by now. "Um, do you have a meeting tomorrow morning?"

"Actually, I don't," he said, his hot breath pressed against her ear. "I just have my presentation tomorrow afternoon. My morning is free. I was originally going to spend time at the NIH, but since you're here now...I was thinking we could find something fun to do. Maybe we could take a stroll around a monument or two?"

"Mmm, sounds touristry," she replied, her chest tightened as she thought about the text. _Please don't let anything be wrong, _Meredith thought, wondering what the hell had provoked Amelia to text such an urgent message. _Maybe she's just having a nervous breakdown, _Meredith hoped for a brief moment, then realized that wasn't a good thing for her to hope at all since supposedly Amelia was watching Bailey and Zola. A nervous breakdown would be very bad. Very, very bad.

"I thought it sounded romantic." Derek nuzzled her ear; his hands gently moved down her hips and he held her closer. Her heart was beating hard against her chest. The nausea was returning, and she felt lightheaded, like she had before she'd passed out. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe slowly through her nose and exhale through her mouth. She was not about to have another panic attack.

Her body was warm. Too warm. She broke away from Derek. Sweat dripped profusely down her forehead.

"You sure you're okay?" Derek asked; concern was written all over his face.

"Uh, yeah...actually, I think I need to take a walk. It's kind of stuffy in here," Meredith insisted, backing away from Derek toward the door.

"I'll go with you," Derek insisted, reaching for a shirt.

"Actually, no," Meredith protested, "you should lie down and go to sleep. You look exhausted, and I'll be fine. Seriously. I just need a moment."

"Okay, you _just _revealed to me a little bit ago that you passed out yesterday from a panic attack. Now you're acting funny, and you're sweating," Derek pointed out. "I'm worried about you, Meredith."

"Well, don't be," Meredith insisted, taking a deep breath and filling her lungs with the stale air. "I'm fine, really. I just, uh, need to make a phone call."

"Oh," Derek's lips rounded in a circle. "Cristina, right? I should have known better than to think you could go an entire night without calling her."

Meredith's mouth dropped wide open. "Uh, yeah, you know me so well, huh? What can I say? I need to be kept up-to-date with the latest gossip," she said, a smile broke through her lips as she leaned forward and kissed Derek's cheek. "I'll be right back. If I'm not back in an hour, you can come look for me, all right?"

He nodded. "Don't get lost," he teased, "I've gotten lost in this hotel plenty of times."

"I'm not surprised," she said, not telling that she'd already gotten lost once in the hotel.

"Oh, take this," he said, handing her a plastic rectangular card. "It's the room key, in case I fall asleep."

She nodded, gripping onto the gold door handle. "Thanks," she told him, glancing at her husband one more time. Dark circles were formed around his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept much the night before. That made them both sleep deprived, as usual.

Meredith felt the weight of her tired eyes as she quickly stormed down the hallway with her iPhone in one hand and the room key in the other. She was feeling her lack of sleep now, though the three hour time change wasn't helping her biological clock either.

She didn't press the call button next to Amelia's name until she was in the elevator and was positive Derek hadn't followed her.

"Meredith, thank God," Amelia answered after only one ring, as if she had been sitting by her phone waiting for the call.

"What's wrong, Amelia?" Meredith instantly inquired, her heart still beating rapidly against her chest as the elevator began descending downward. "Are the kids okay?" The elevator door slowly started to open, and Meredith stepped into the large, spacious entryway. She found herself wandering aimlessly, already lost with no clue to where she was walking.

"The kids are fine," Amelia said, and Meredith felt a weight removed from her chest. "Actually, they're asleep."

"Well, then why did you tell me to call you _ASAP_?" Meredith barked, not intending to come off as rude, but the last few minutes of her life had been absolutely terrorizing, and she had Amelia to credit for that. Did Amelia _want _her to have another panic attack? Meredith took a deep breath and inquired about her other theory, "Is it Izzie? Is something wrong with Izzie?"

"She's fine, physically. I mean, I guess she's the subject of two on-going police investigations, but there's not anything we can do about that," Amelia said. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so vague with my text. It's just...I didn't know what to say or who else to call. Gosh, I mean, I sent you to D.C. so you could relax. I'm sorry...I'm a horrible doctor."

"Amelia, what are you talking about?" Meredith asked. _Izzie's the subject of two on-going police investigations? _Meredith noted what Amelia had said. It wasn't anything she didn't already know: The child abuse accusations, and she assumed the second was the car crash. If Izzie was in fact at fault for the accident, she could be charged with manslaughter. If it went to trial, she could plead insanity because of her brain tumor. _Poor Izzie, _Meredith thought. Even more, _poor Alex_. Meredith wondered how long they were going to be able to keep in the hospital without child services becoming too suspicious.

"I-It's nothing. I shouldn't have texted you. It's just, I have no one here. Everyone hates me. Jeez, I don't know why I'm even here. I mean, obviously, I can't go back to LA. So, I guess I'm stuck here. I have nowhere and no one… damnit, why do I always screw up?" Amelia rambled. Her voice shook anxiously.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked, sitting down on soft red arm chair in the lobby. "Did something happen with Owen?"

She could hear Amelia's sobs through the phone. "W-We had a fight. O-Our first big fight, and I don't know what I'm gonna do now. Really, Meredith, I shouldn't have called. I'm so sorry." Amelia gasped. "Really, I am. Is Derek with you right now?"

"Actually, I'm in the hotel lobby. I didn't tell him that you texted me," Meredith assured her, gaping around the unoccupied, deserted room. It was the middle of the night on a weekday in D.C., so the evening meetings were over, and most people were catching up on their rest. Meredith groaned, "I thought you were going to tell me something bad had happened, and I didn't want to alarm him if I didn't have to."

"Oh," Amelia's voice broke through the receiver. "Right, well, probably a good thing...I wouldn't want to alarm him with my personal problems. God, I don't know what I was thinking in texting you. I'm such an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Amelia," Meredith told her soothingly. "You can talk to me. It's okay. I don't mind it. Trust me, I'm used to listening to my friends' freak outs. I was there for Cristina through all her and Owen's on-again-off-again cycle."

"That makes me feel _so _much better," Amelia grunted sarcastically. "I mean, I know you and Cristina are friends, but I just want to decapitate her and feed her head to the pigs right now. I'm sorry, but I had to say it."

"Okay," Meredith said slowly. "What did Cristina do now?"

"It's stupid, really it is, and I shouldn't let what she says get to me. It's really immature, you know? Like, I get she's the ex and she still has feelings for Owen, but I've _never _treated my exes' girlfriends like she's been treating me. Well, then again, I'm not in touch with any of my exes. I either lost touch with them or they...died...wow, that just makes me seem that much more awful, doesn't it? Ugh," Amelia rambled again, and Meredith merely shook her head, listening.

Amelia's rambles reminded Meredith more of Cristina's than either Amelia or Cristina would ever want to know. Though, one thing Meredith noted, Amelia seemed to lack confidence in herself that Cristina didn't. Amelia seemed fully confident of her surgical skills, though when it came to herself as a person, she seemed to think she was unworthy of happiness. In a way, she reminded Meredith of a pre-Derek version of herself. After all, Meredith hadn't believed she deserved Derek at first, either.

"Anyway," Amelia continued, "Cristina and Alex were visiting Izzie earlier today when I entered the room. I was just doing my job as her doctor, and Cristina said some things...she said in quotes 'Oh, look, it's the ho who's eating my leftovers,' and Alex just laughed, and he basically said I was wasting my time with Owen, since Cristina is the only girl he has eyes for...a-and then he said that Owen cheated on his last girlfriend with Cristina, and that's why they broke up...and, well, I mean...I should have just shook it off, but I couldn't, so I confronted Owen about it, hoping he'd deny it, but he didn't...and God…"

Meredith found herself speechless. "I'm sorry" was all she could say.

"I asked him if he was only interested in me because of the baby, and that pissed him off. Well, I guess I don't blame him for getting pissed off, but he barked at me and then stormed out. And now I just can't help but wonder if he ran to _her - __Cristina_ - to bang her. The thought gives me shivers…"

"Amelia, I already told you, I don't think he's only interested in you because of the baby," Meredith told her. "I think he really likes you."

Amelia's sobs cracked through the phone. "I know I'm being insecure, but I'm not Cristina, and everyone freaking person who knows about Owen and I won't let me forget that I'm not Cristina. I mean, I'm just Derek's slutty pregnant baby sister, hello! That's all people know me as here. I came here, hoping I could start fresh, hoping I would be able to move forward with the support of my family, and I just keep screwing up over and over. I can't run away from my problems, because they follow me everywhere I go."

"That's generally the case," Meredith noted. "Problems don't go away. That's why you have to face them head on. Amelia, I have a question for you."

"What?" Amelia asked softly.

"Do _you _really love Owen, or are you using him because he's the first person in Seattle outside of Derek and I who was nice to you? I'm not trying to imply that you don't care about him, I'm just simply asking," Meredith inquired.

She heard Amelia gasp. "Of course," she said, "from the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew there was something special about him. I-I don't fall in love easily, but when I do...I fall hard and deep. And honestly? I never loved James, though I knew he loved me and I loved being loved. I loved the feeling, knowing someone was completely and totally in love with me, even if I didn't reciprocate the feelings. It was an amazing feeling, _knowing _that someone loved you. But Owen… Owen's different. I feel for him in ways I never ever felt for James. With James, I never worried about him not loving me, because it was so clear that he did. But with Owen...I don't know. I worry his heart is with someone else, and there's nothing I can do about it. I worry I'm just going to end up getting hurt. And I'm scared. I'm scared of getting hurt again."

Meredith's heart weighed heavily as she listened to Amelia's answer, and she felt like she could relate entirely. She remembered when Derek chose Addison over her. She remembered how painful it had been. Suddenly, she remembered doubting everything that she and Derek had ever had. She remembered wondering if Derek actually had loved her, or if she had been nothing more than the rebound girl. Technically, that's exactly who she had been, _the rebound girl. _And it's not often the rebound girl ends up being _the _girl, but it did happen in rare scenarios. It had all worked out for her and Derek.

"Amelia," Meredith said softly, "If you really love him, then you need to fight for him. Of course he's going to love Cristina; they've been through a lot together, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have genuine feelings for you. You need to be clear with him about where you stand. Because honestly? You're both broken right now. He and Cristina didn't work out for a reason. Honestly, I think you're good for each other."

Amelia's cries deafened and she whispered, "Really?"

"Really," Meredith smiled. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a fatigued Derek, tiredly walking toward her. "Hey, I have to go. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Thanks for everything, Meredith. I feel a lot better now. I'll try not to bother you during the rest of your time in D.C. Enjoy the rest of your vacation," Amelia said, and the line went dead. Derek hovered over her; large dark bags of circles wore around his eyes.

"I thought you were going to sleep," Meredith laughed, and he dropped into the chair, his dead weight squished her. "Derek!" She shook his shoulders.

"Mmmm," he moaned, pressing his warm face against hers; his prickly stubbles scratched her cheeks.

"You have to get off me," she giggled, but he didn't move. She moved her hands down his sweatpants and attempted to lift him, but he was too heavy. "Derek!"

"Sleepy Derek," Derek mumbled.

"Well, Sleepy Derek should go up to his _bed _now, then," Meredith insisted, exhaling loudly.

"Meredith make a good bed," Derek continued in his baby voice, like he was talking to his son instead of his wife.

"Meredith does not make a good bed," Meredith emphasized, referring to herself in the third person. "Come on, Derek. Let's go to bed. I'm tired too, and I think we'll thank ourselves later if we don't fall asleep in this lounge chair. I mean, it's rather comfy, but I'd rather sleep in one of the comfy beds in your suite."

Derek sighed. "Okay," he pouted. She entwined her fingers with his, and with a little help from Derek, executed the strength to lift them both off the chair. She held lovingly onto his hand and guided him toward the elevator.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: No big cliffy in this chapter...just a little Meredith and Amelia, and some MerDer fluff to top the chapter off. Next chapter will be Meredith and Derek's day in D.C., and Meredith's big revelation that I've been absolutely dying to write. **


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: This chapter is definitely rated M. You can thank the overabundance of MerDer smut I've been reading lately for inspiring this chapter. I hope you enjoy! Also, I'm going to split Meredith's revelation into two parts, so I don't end up posting a 10,000 word chapter.**

* * *

><p>MEREDITH'S REVELATION | Part 1<p>

Meredith was fairly certain that Derek had lowered the temperature gauge in the room at some point. Perhaps it was all part of a coy plan to ensure she lean to him for a source of warmth all night long. If it was, it most certainly had worked.

She snuggled close to Derek's warm body with her right arm draped around his abdomen, feeling Derek's stomach ascend and descend with each breath he took. The warmth from his body radiated onto her skin. Her left arm lay parallel to his body, and her fingers folded into his right hand. Gently, she stroked his strong knuckles. She'd fallen into a peaceful slumber.

The Washington D.C. sun shined onto her face when she woke, waking her out of a deep, dreamless sleep. Her right hand was now on her own stomach, though her other hand still was still entwined with Derek's fingers. Derek was lying on his side, watching her sleep.

"You always were the creepy guy who watches women sleep," Meredith mumbled halfheartedly, her eyes focused on Derek's not-hard-to-look-at face. She blinked several times, to ensure she was seeing it correctly, as she noted the stubble that had been on his face the night before was gone. Had he shaved sometime between when she'd fallen asleep and when she'd woken? He smiled cornily for a moment, before leaning down to passionately kiss her lips. _Minty, _she thought, noting Derek didn't have morning breath, which meant he hadn't only shaved, but he'd brushed his teeth too. "Mmm," she murmured, "Did you even sleep?"

"I did," he insisted, gazing over her and kissing her lips again.

"Mmm, what time is it?" she asked, turning her head just slightly to look at the digital alarm clock that was on the white end table. _Nine o'clock. _"Holy crap!" She couldn't remember the last time she had slept until nine o'clock. Her body was generally wired to wake before seven, and she was used to Bailey waking her up around six, except on the rare occasions Derek was able to get to him before she woke. Both of her children were early birds. At least both were past the waking up in the middle of the night phase. Meredith hoped she still had a little while before teenitis kicked in, and she would have to drag them both out of bed to go to school.

Then it hit her. Nine o'clock Eastern time _was _six o'clock Pacific time, and her internal clock was still synchronized with the West Coast. That meant Amelia was probably lifting Bailey out of his crib right about now. Meredith glanced over at her iPhone, which was laying on the endtable and plugged in charging to the wall outlet. She secretly hoped Amelia would call so she could say "Good morning" to the kids._ "I'll try not to bother you during the rest of your time in D.C.," _Amelia had said. Meredith would prefer to be bothered, though, as long as she was able to talk to her kids. Amelia didn't honestly expect her to go all the way across the country and _not _worry about her kids, did she?

Meredith realized that Amelia never had responded to Meredith's text in regards to FaceTiming the kids. Had she purposely avoided it? Or had she been so wrapped up in her own drama that it had slipped her mind? Meredith swallowed. She hoped the kids were really okay, and Amelia wasn't lying to her. _She wouldn't do that, would she? _Meredith wanted to trust Amelia; she really did, but then Meredith remembered how Zola had burnt her finger under the stove under Amelia's watch. Suddenly, Meredith whelmed with worry.

Derek leaned his head into Meredith's shoulder as Meredith reached for her phone. "What are you doing?" his hot breath filled her ear as he whispered.

"Checking in on the kids," Meredith confessed, looking at her phone. She realized she had three missed calls from Cristina, all sent between four and five in the morning Eastern time, so one and two in the morning Pacific. She grunted, wondering what Cristina could possibly want. Truth be told, Meredith wasn't happy with Cristina right now. She knew Cristina was her friend and normally she would side with Cristina, but when it came down to it, there was no mature explanation for the way she was treating Amelia.

"What?" Derek asked, oblivious to why his wife was grunting.

"Nothing," Meredith said, going to her recent calls to find Amelia's name.

The phone rang three times before Amelia picked up. "You're not supposed to be calling me" were the first words out of Amelia's mouth. Derek's ear was pressed against Meredith, evidently trying to hear what his sister was saying. Meredith gave in and put the phone on speaker.

"I just wanted to see how the kids were doing," Meredith insisted.

"Your voice sounds distant. Am I on speaker?" Amelia immediately inquired with suspicion in her tone.

"You are, so don't say anything you wouldn't want Derek to hear," Meredith laughed, eyeing Derek, who seemed slightly offended by the remark.

"Thanks for the warning," Amelia groaned; her voice became mildly distant, indicating she was no longer speaking directly into the phone. "Hey, Zo, want to say 'hi' to Mommy and Daddy?"

"Hi, Momma and Daddy!" Zola's little voice came through the speaker.

"Hey, Zola," Derek responded, leaning over Meredith's shoulder. Meredith positioned the phone closer to Derek, so they both could hear equally.

"Good morning, Zozo," Meredith talked to her daughter. She longed to see her daughter's precious little face, though. Talking through the phone just wasn't the same.

"See, the kids are fine," Amelia cut in. "Now, you two should go have some worry-free fun."

"Wait, you didn't let us talk to Bailey," Meredith insisted, not liking the fact that Amelia was so pressed to get them off the phone. _Worry-free fun_: _is she kidding herself? _Meredith thought, not knowing how _worry-free _fun was even possible until she knew _both _her children were safe.

"Right," Amelia ejected a sigh. "Hey, Bailey, say 'hi' to your mommy and daddy."

No sounds came through the phone. "Bailey?" Meredith said her son's name, hoping to hear a babble of some sort in return, but she heard nothing.

"Hey, Bailey. It's Daddy," Derek said. Nothing. No response at all. Not even a cry. Meredith's stomach turned.

"He's really here. I promise," Amelia's voice cut in. "He's just being shy, I guess. Hey, Bailey, why are you being shy? It's just your overprotective mommy and daddy on the phone wanting to know you're okay."

"Poopoo?" Bailey's little voice finally came through the phone, and Meredith heaved a sigh of relief.

"See, he's fine," Amelia insisted, "and ack...he's very smelly. Be very thankful you're not here right now. Anyway, I gotta go...um, and I don't expect to hear from either of you until you land in Seattle, okay? I've got this. Really, I do."

"So, you're not going to let us FaceTime the kids?" Meredith demanded, her heart pounding anxiously.

"Yeah, I don't have FaceTime. I'm boycotting Apple. I don't have an iPhone or an iPad. I'm an Android user," Amelia confessed.

"You're boycotting Apple?" Meredith repeated. "Do I even want to know why?"

"Unlikely, but there's actually a lot of reasons, um, one, I don't get the hype. Their products aren't what they're hyped up to be. Really. Two, I just really prefer the interface of the Android operating system over the Apple. I mean, I have to wait twice as long for apps, but it's worth it. But anyway, yeah, I don't have FaceTime," Amelia rambled a bunch of reasons that didn't make sense in Meredith's head. Meredith partially was wondering if she was just making them up as she went along.

"Okay, well, do you have Skype?" Meredith replied with obvious frustration in her voice.

"Nope. I'm not a fan of the whole video chatting thing. I'd prefer people _not _look at me when I'm talking to them over the phone," Amelia explained.

"You've got to be kidding me," Meredith groaned.

"I'm not, and I have to go change your son's diaper. Don't worry, seriously. Everything's fine here. Say bye-bye to Mommy and Daddy, kids."

"Bye bye, Momma and Daddy!" Zola chirped shortly before the line went dead.

Meredith groaned, setting her phone down on the table. She shuffled her body around so she was facing Derek. He was resting his head coyly on his hand as his other hand lingered near her thigh. "Remind me to kill your sister when we get home, okay?"

"Mmm, I was thinking we should thank her, actually," Derek insisted, pecking her nose. He smirked. "How are you so gorgeous when you first open your eyes? You must tell me your secret."

Meredith ignored his cunning ploy to change the subject, and more than likely his attempt to get in her pants. His fingers crawled up her thigh. She knew what he wanted. Meredith exhaled, still not able to shake the kids off her mind. "It's just, I know it's a great thing she's doing for us. I just don't know how you're so calm about this all. I mean, your point was valid last night. She didn't talk to us for three weeks, and now we're trusting her with our kids? God, what was I thinking?"

"Shhh," Derek whispered, shutting her up by kissing her lips with full passion. His lips were moist but not slobbery wet. He shifted his body on top of her and continued to kiss her passionately. She closed her eyes, allowing Derek's plan to begin to work. His hands ran down her outer hips. A shiver ran up her spine as her nerves frenzied and she moaned into his mouth. "Mmm," Derek moaned, breaking the kiss; his loving blue eyes twinkled.

"Mmm," she murmured, giving his lips a quick peck of her own.

"You need to relax," Derek told her. "Take a deep breath and relax. I didn't think anything of it before, but I see it now. You freak out about everything, Meredith."

"I do not!" she protested.

"You do," Derek insisted, smirking. "And God love you for it, Mer, but it's not healthy. You say you're dark and twisty, and you are, and it's not a flaw. You're stronger than anyone else I know because you've lived through the worst case scenarios, but it seems like you're always preparing yourself for the worst case scenario, and that's not healthy either. It's stressful, and I can't imagine living like that."

"Says the guy who was freaking out last night because our daughter asked where babies come from," Meredith definitively pointed out.

"Okay, she _did not _just ask where babies come from. She asked if she could have a baby with Blake. For crying out loud, Meredith, I don't know why _you _weren't freaking out about that! You freak out about everything else, and frankly, I think that's something worth freaking out about!" Derek insisted.

"Alright, so what you're saying is you get to decide what's freak-out worthy, then?" Meredith lifted a brow.

"No," Derek said adamantly. "I'm saying that there are some things that are out of our control, that we shouldn't waste time freaking out about."

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Meredith began slowly. "It's _completely _sensible to worry about our daughter asking a simple question - in fact, a normal question - about where babies come from, but _it's not _sensible for me to worry about our children who happen to be halfway across the country right now with your sister? Your sister, who seems nice, and I have bonded a bit with her in the last couple days, but at the same time, I don't know if I trust her, and my reasons for worrying are pretty legitimate. Please, Derek, tell me how that makes sense. And Zola didn't ask if _she _could have a baby. She asked if _we _could have a baby."

Derek stared dumbfounded. He sighed, "I guess you have a point."

"M-hmm." She rolled her eyes, then leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "Are we seriously fighting about what's worth worrying about?" Meredith giggled.

"I think we are," Derek acknowledged the absurdity of their argument. "Wow, what is wrong with us?" He kissed her nose, and his hands ran under her T-shirt. His hands brushed against the skin that covered her hip bone. "Day four?" he asked, with a glimmer of hope in his eye.

"Huh?" she nodded, then realized what he was asking. "Oh. Yeah."

Derek gleefully smiled and tugged at her black sweats.

"Wait." She stopped his hand, knowing she still was still wearing a tampon. "I'll be right back." She departed into the bathroom to relieve herself and also dispose of the tampon. She was grateful to see the little residue when she wrapped it in toilet paper and tossed it in the trash. Meredith found her toothbrush in the bag Amelia had packed for her and quickly brushed her teeth with the travel-sized _Colgate Total_ toothpaste lying on the edge of the bathroom sink. She doubted Derek would mind.

_Crap, _she thought, digging through the bag, realizing there was one thing Amelia hadn't packed of hers: Her birth control. _Shit_. She was supposed to start a new package four days earlier, but she hadn't because she'd just gotten her period. Her whole cycle was messed up now. Stress coupled with the fact she'd missed some pills last month were likely the culprits. She knew she'd gotten lucky last month. Then again, she'd tried for years and hadn't gotten pregnant. It's not like she was overly fertile in the first place. Bailey was her miracle baby.

Her stomach still twisted into a knot as she left the bathroom to find Derek already naked in their bed. Should she tell him? She doubted he'd brought condoms with him to D.C. In fact, she _hoped _that he hadn't, because what use did he have for them without her? He had no reason to carry around condoms casually in his wallet when he was away from home.

"Mmm, somebody moves fast," she laughed, standing over the bed, and he extended his arms and pulled her on top of him. He tugged at the string on her sweatpants and loosened it, sliding her pants off. He tossed the pants across the room carelessly, neither looked to see where they landed. He shuffled on top of her and began lathering her neck with kisses.

Intrusive thoughts meddled in Meredith's mind, though. They'd had sex last night without protection. She knew, thanks to a number of ovulation kits she'd used when they were trying to get pregnant, that she ovulated generally around day twelve of her cycle. Today was day four, if she considered the day her period had actually started. However, her period had started a week late, which meant it was supposed to be day eleven, and sperm could live in the body for up to five days.

Her stomach twisted and turned, and the thoughts were preventing her from savoring enjoyment from Derek's mouth. His hands were now fixated on removing her shirt. She wanted to enjoy _him _without worrying about the inevitable. She didn't know why she was worrying so much about it now when before it had never been a concern. Perhaps, it was because now she'd had a baby, so the possibility of having another baby didn't seem impossible, and she just happened to be stressed out of her mind, so the timing couldn't be worse.

_Here's what we're gonna do. No more doctors, no more labs. You and I, we have a lot of sex. Maybe we'll make a baby, maybe not. Maybe you get Alzheimer's, maybe not. Just screw the odds, screw science. Let's just live. Whatever happens. Happens. Me and you. Okay?_

She remembered what Derek had said to her right after she'd found out about her hostile uterus. _Me and you_. Her eyes locked on Derek as he gazed at her affectionately. He was her forever. Her love. Her happily ever. _Whatever happens, happens. _Together, they could conquer anything. And right now, all she wanted was to be with him.

_It took me a long time to find him. A long time. And even then it took me a long time to even know that I wanted him. To be married, to be his wife, to have his kids. _

Meredith remembered her words to April after the shooting. After Derek had been shot. After she had thought he might die. The thought was absolutely terrorizing. She'd been pregnant that day, and she'd lost it. It had been a horrible, dark time, but they'd moved past it. They'd moved forward, and now they had two beautiful, perfect children, and Meredith couldn't ask for more.

Derek's lips pressed against her belly button and, in return, her stomach fluttered.

Why was she so freaking stressed out all the time? She had everything she'd _never _dreamed about having. Everything she'd thought she wasn't worthy of having. Her life, in the retrospect, was freaking perfect. Most women would kill to have what she had.

In that moment, her worries withered away as Derek's mouth hovered over her lower lips. "Oh, Derek," she moaned, her nerves fired off pleasure signals to her brain. Her heart raced as his tongue licked her vulva. "Der…" and without warning, his mouth covered her; his tongue stroked her pleasure spot, and every thought in her brain ceased to exist. She gasped and moaned as Derek's tongue entered and exited in a circular motion. His tongue slowed, and he grasped her legs with his hands. He kissed the cap of her knee. "Inside," she moaned. "I need you, Derek." The words escaped her mouth without warning or a second thought.

"Mmm, how bad do you need me?" he teased, his white teeth broke through his smrk. His hands ran up and down her calves, and he stroked the back of her calves; he knew her body so well. Erotic pleasure sent through her nerves, leaving her moaning and begging for him.

"Please, Derek," she begged. "I _really _need you inside me."

"Mmm, are you sure?" he teased, and his hand moved in between her thighs, slowly moving upward. He stroked her gently, causing her to purr like a kitten. "I like making you purr."

"DEREK!" she cried, panting desperately, realizing he was having too much fun with this. She eyed his erection as he stroked himself against her hip.

"You haven't told me how much you need me, yet," Derek shrugged, and then he inserted one finger inside her. He stroked her slowly, then began thrusting his finger faster and faster and faster. He inserted a second finger and thrust hard against her walls.

"Oooooh," she moaned loudly. "I need you so much. So fucking much. Please, Derek. Please. I need you more than anything else in the world right now." She panted loudly, and he smiled, seemingly satisfied with her answer. He removed his fingers and gripped tightly onto her legs. He knelt above her and entered her with a slow, gentle thrust.

"Mmm," he moaned, and continued to penetrate her with slow, gentle thrusts, moving his hips with passion. Her muscles tensed as he leaned over her and continued his passionate rhythm.

"Der, don't stop," she pleaded, as his thrusts became slower and slower. The passion was rising. Her heart rate slowed, and then without warning, his thrusts quickened. Harder and faster and harder. "Oh, Derek!" she moaned, her head was spinning as his thrusts sent her over the edge. She gripped tightly onto his shoulders. Her muscle spasms were out of control. Jerking. Twitching. Everywhere.

"Let go, Mer," Derek moaned, grabbing onto her buttox, and the tension rose. Meredith breathed faster as she reached her peak, and they climaxed together.

Derek collapsed beside her, and they both were breathing heavily to steady their heart rates.

"That." Meredith whispered. "Was amazing."

"You are amazing," Derek said, stroking her messy strands of long, golden hair. He purred, nuzzling her cheek. "I love you."

"Mmm," she smiled warmly; her problems suddenly seemed to vanish as she squeezed Derek's hand, "I love you, too."

"I can't imagine my life without you," he said, placing his hand on her abdomen region. "So, please, Meredith. Don't worry. Don't stress out. Not more than you have to, anyway. Did you know that new studies believe there might be a link between Alzheimer's and stress?"

Meredith shook her head. "Is there now?" she chuckled. "Scientists have a cause for pretty much everything nowadays. Does it mean _it's _the cause, though?"

"I'm serious," Derek said. "Researchers in Argentina have recently presented evidence suggesting that stress is in fact a trigger for Alzheimer's disease. They've ruled it out as a monocausal reason, but apparently three out of four patients they studied had undergone severe emotional stress in the past two years. And you know, I started thinking...I know you don't like it when I bring it up, but your mother…"

"My mother had undergone prolonged severe emotional stress all her life," Meredith said slowly. "She never got over Richard. It affected her until the day she died. That's why when she had Alzheimer's, she relived her residency years. It's the only time she was truly happy, then Richard broke her heart. So, she devoted her life to her work. It was her stress reliever, or so I always thought, but the reality is, being a surgeon is a stressful career no matter what. I don't care what anyone says." Meredith swallowed. "It's even more stressful when you're not passionate about what you're doing."

Derek's eyebrows raised, perplexed. "Okay, you lost me."

"I-It's just something Amelia said yesterday that kind of got me thinking," Meredith shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Well, apparently it's not nothing," Derek said hesitantly, his hand stroked Meredith's stomach just as she felt a rumble come from it, signaling hunger. She was certain Derek had heard it, too. She hadn't eaten since before she'd gotten on the plane yesterday.

"Mmm," Meredith mumbled.

"We should get something to eat," Derek stated, and they both glanced at the clock. An hour had passed since they'd initially woke, so it was ten o'clock. Meredith hadn't eaten in nearly twenty hours. "We could go down to the hotel restaurant. They have a phenomenal brunch."

"Sounds like a plan," Meredith agreed, rolling out of bed and darting toward the bathroom again. In her bag, she discovered Amelia had packed her a pair of navy blue dress pants, a white polo, and a navy blue suit jacket. Dress clothes, as if she might have a professional occasion to attend. Then again, she was in Washington D.C.: The city where people casually wore suits all the freaking time.


	44. Chapter 44

MEREDITH'S REVELATION | Part 2

She brushed through her knotted, tangled sex hair and dressed herself. When she was ready, she found Derek already wearing his light blue polo, accompanied by a dark blue tie, and black slacks.

"Mmm, you look nice," he grinned, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "But it's eighty degrees today, and eighty degrees in D.C. feels a lot warmer than eighty degrees in Seattle. It's not as damp. You might not want to wear that suit jacket around."

"It's D.C.," she pointed out. "Don't people wear suits all year long?"

"Mmm, the women usually wear skirts," he laughed. "I think you've been watching too many TV dramas that inaccurately portray the city. Then again, TV makes it look like there are cherry blossoms peak all year long, when in reality, they're only in peak for fourteen days. And lucky for you, you just happened to have come during their peak season."

"Oh, aren't I special?" she laughed, shedding her jacket and hanging it in the closet. "I told Alex I would take pictures. Maybe they'll cheer him up, but I kind of doubt it. Gosh, I feel so bad for him right now."

She saw a whelm of concern submerge in Derek's eyes. "Things not going well with Izzie?"

Meredith exonerated a sigh, frowning, "The good news is, he and Izzie seem to be on the mend. The bad news, the police still need to investigate the child abuse report, and now she's the subject of … oh crap." Meredith suddenly remembered that Izzie was likely to be the subject of _three _police investigations, not just two as Amelia had said the night before.

"What?" Derek's eyebrows rose as he grabbed the roomkey off the desk and his phone. Meredith, too, reached for her phone and put it in her pocket.

"I don't know if you heard, but two of our residents were killed in the car crash Izzie was in."

Derek's eyes frowned as he opened the hotel room door. "Which two?"

"Leah and Shane," Meredith confirmed.

"Shane...he was a good student," Derek said. "Passionate. Fierce. He would have made a good surgeon, definitely not neurosurgeon material, though. He took it hard when I chose Heather over him."

Meredith frowned at the mention of the intern who'd passed away in the storm last fall as she walked through the door, and she and Derek began heading down the hallway toward the elevator. Mousy - Cristina's nickname for Heather - had been, admittedly, Meredith's favorite intern. She'd been a huge loss to the program.

"Well, yeah," Meredith said, "so if Izzie is found at fault, she could be charged with manslaughter. Also, she stole the car she was driving, so there's a theft charge. The good news is, as mind boggling as it might sound, all along she had a major brain tumor. Amelia removed it yesterday, and from what I've heard, Izzie's thriving really well, which is good. But it's poor Alex who has to feel the wrath of all this. He wants custody of Blake, but child services won't let him take him because he's not listed on Blake's birth certificate, and Izzie isn't in any condition to grant him custody anyway."

"Wow," Derek's eyes widened, grabbing Meredith's hand as they entered the elevator. "I've missed a lot, haven't I? Has Alex gotten a lawyer?"

"I would assume so," Meredith said. "Maybe Callie can refer him to her lawyer. She did a damn good job at getting her out of that lawsuit last fall."

"I have a few contacts, too," Derek noted. "Though, family court is a bit different than medical lawsuits. Mm, I wouldn't recommend the family court lawyer we had when we were trying to get custody of Zola."

"Mm, only if he wants to wait four months to have custody of Blake, but it might take that long anyway. The court can be so slow," Meredith pointed out.

"I still don't know how we got Zola back," Derek confessed. "I was so sure we'd lost her. You know when the social worker called and told us to move on?" He squeezed her hand, relinquishing the pain they'd both felt when they'd thought they would never see Zola again.

"I-I know," Meredith stammered, "but let's not think about that, okay? She's our daughter now, and she's perfect, and I don't want to remember what that felt like. It's too stressful."

"Mmm," Derek nodded as the elevator door slowly glided open. "Good. You're eliminating stressful thoughts from your mind. It's a start."

"Hey, if it means I won't get Alzheimer's," Meredith teased, leaning into Derek's shoulder as they both stepped out of the elevator.

"Mm, maybe we die tomorrow, maybe we live forever," Derek mused, guiding her toward the restaurant.

* * *

><p>The Lafayette was a fine, renowned dining addition to the Hay-Adams. Chandeliers hung over each elegantly decorated table. Each table was covered with cloth white linens, set with fancy silverware. Women wore fancy dresses and men were dressed in suits. Meredith now felt like she was <em>under <em>dressed. Luckily, the morning rush was over, and it wasn't quite lunchtime yet, so the restaurant was not crowded. The host greeted the couple, apparently recognizing Derek.

"Why, who's the fine lady you have with you today?" the host asked; Meredith blushed.

"Oh, this is my wife, Meredith," Derek smiled proudly.

"It's a pleasure to have you with us this morning, Meredith. I'm your host, Noel," Noel introduced himself. "Now, do you two have any special seating requests this morning?"

"Could we have a window seat?" Derek asked.

The host nodded. "Of course. Follow me."

The gorgeous view was flooring. They were directly looking over Lafayette Square, and the White House was in plain sight. Behind the White House, the Washington Monument was in clear view. In the far distance, Meredith could see the Jefferson Memorial.

A waitress greeted them shortly and took their drink orders. They both order coffee and then took a moment to look over the menu. Meredith could tell that this restaurant was _far _above her standards, just by looking at the prices. French Toast was $18? _Holy crap, _she thought. She knew they could afford it, but that was beside the point. She and Derek rarely went out to eat anyway, so this was definitely a change a scenery.

"So, do you know what you want?" Derek asked.

"I guess I'm gonna go with the French Toast," she said. "You?"

"Mmm, I'm thinking an Egg White Omelet," he replied.

"You would go with the healthiest item on the menu," she teased, setting her menu down and taking a sip of coffee.

"Well, not everyone has the luxury of eating whatever they want without gaining a pound," Derek insisted, playfully winking at her.

"Hey, it's not my fault I have a fast metabolism!" she fired back.

"I know," Derek insisted, cupping his hand around hers; his fingers stroked her knuckles lightly, and his dazzling eyes gazed into her eyes, "and I love you just the way you are. I'm just saying, unless you want a three hundred pound husband who squishes you during sex, you'll want to thank me for choosing to eat healthy."

Meredith gasped. "Well, at least I would have a soft, blubbery pillow," she teased, playfully tapping his wrist. Derek gasped as the waitress approached their table. She took their orders. As they waited for their food, Meredith made a point to change the subject of the conversation. "So, tell me about this bigshot brain mapping presentation you're giving today."

His facial expression showed that he was taken aback by her inquiry. "You want to hear about my presentation?"

She heaved a sigh. "Look, Derek," she started, "I know I haven't been really supportive of this whole presidential thing, and I've given you a lot of crap about it, and I'm sorry about that. I really am. So, yes, I do want to hear about what you're doing. I want to hear about what my hotshot neurosurgeon husband is doing in D.C."

"Okay," Derek laughed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Well, how much do you know about the the President's BRAIN Initiative?" he asked.

Meredith sighed. "Admittedly, I've not been keeping up. I was so frustrated that it was taking you away from our family, that I really didn't want to know more about it...until now. Tell me about it, Derek."

"Well," Derek said began, "the _next generation project_, as the President is referring to it as, could help neuroscientists understand the origins of cognition, perception, and other enginamic brain activities. This could lead to more effective treatments for conditions like autism, Alzheimer's, PTSD, and so many other neurological disorders that we know so little about."

His eyes twinkled as he spoke about his work. Meredith could see the passion in his face. She was glad he was happy. He was enjoying his work, and admittedly, Meredith found herself intrigued. "Wow," she said, her interest piqued, "so you could find a cure for Alzheimer's after all? That's what you've wanted to do for so long." Meredith swallowed, pierced by guilt as the memory of how she'd screwed up his Alzheimer's trial tantalized her. Maybe it was all for a reason. Maybe this was how Derek was supposed to help cure Alzheimer's instead.

Derek nodded. "We could. Of course, we're still light years away from seeing the outcomes of this research. It's still in its infancy, and right now we're doing most of our research on mice, but it's like any other medical study. We have to start from the bottom. And we've seen so much progress in just the past couple months since I came on board. It's truly remarkable, Meredith. The research lab here in D.C. is state of the art."

"I'd love to see it," Meredith said as their food arrived. She placed her napkin on her lap and prepared to delve into this enormous place of French Toast. The aroma filled her nostrils; her stomach craved for her to devour the whole plate of food.

"Would you?" Derek asked, surprised, taking the first bite of his omelet.

"Yeah, I would," she insisted, sinking her teeth into the soft, crisp French Toast. It was layered with corn flakes and cranberries. _Mmm, _she thought as her saliva glands secreted as the deliciousness filled her mouth.

"It's just a bunch of neuroscience, though. I mean, nothing you'd really be _that _interested in. Lots and lots of images of brains," Derek winked. Meredith sensed sarcasm in his voice. "Hey, so, what were you saying about not being passionate earlier? You're not considering quitting being a surgeon, are you? My sister isn't trying to convince you to be a stay-at-home mom, I hope."

Meredith mouth opened to say something, but no words came out. _Stay-at-home Mom? _The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. She was a surgeon. Surgery had consumed her life for more than a decade, one-quarter of her entire life; medical school, residency, and now she was a general attending surgeon. She was a surgeon. It was in her blood. She'd once considered not becoming a surgeon. There was a time in her life where she wanted to be a photographer.

_Photographers don't make any money, _were her mother's words. _You'll be broke. Do you want to be broke and ordinary? _She swallowed. She'd backpacked through Europe after college, taking hundreds of thousands of photos. Photos she hadn't looked at in years. She'd had an epiphany in Europe. She realized she didn't want to be a photographer, not because of the money, but because it really wasn't as exciting as she'd thought it would be. Sure, she loved taking photos, but she didn't want to devote the of her life to being a photographer. She wanted to become a surgeon. She wanted to be something extraordinary. She wanted to make her mother proud.

_Be extraordinary, _her mother had told her more than enough times, but it wasn't until after her mother was gone that Meredith realized that Ellis Grey hadn't been talking about surgery at all. Ellis may have been an extraordinary surgeon. In everyone's eyes except her own daughter's, she was an extraordinary person. Ellis Grey had failed at being a mother. Something Meredith had always resented her mother for. Be extraordinary. To truly be extraordinary, Meredith needed to excel in her career _and _in her personal life. Ellis Grey's personal life had fallen apart when Richard refused to leave Adele. She'd never moved on.

But Meredith. Meredith had it all. She had a man who loved her _and _two beautiful children, who she would do anything for. She wasn't her mother, and she didn't want to be her mother. Ellis loved her job. Meredith often proclaimed that Ellis loved her job more than her own children. Her job, her books, her surgical tapes _were _her babies.

Meredith knew that if it came down to choosing between her career and her children, she would choose her children every damn single time. At the same time, she knew her career was important, and she wanted to be a successful surgeon. She wanted to, but she felt like she was stalled. Like she couldn't move forward. Like she had chosen the wrong path.

She looked at Derek, trying to find the right words to say. Before she could respond, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket.

"Crap," Meredith mumbled, taking her iPhone out of her pocket. Cristina Yang's photo lit up the screen. She groaned, "It's Cristina."

"Hmm, you don't sound thrilled," Derek observed. "What, Yang can't go twelve hours without talking to you?"

"I think she's pissed because I didn't exactly say goodbye or tell her I was coming here," Meredith confessed, exhaling, and gritting her teeth together as she recalled Derek didn't know that it _hadn't _been Cristina she had talked to last night, but it had been his sister.

"Oh." Derek looked surprised. The phone buzzed a third time. "Are you going to answer her?"

"I guess," Meredith sighed. She slid her finger across the screen to answer the call. "Hey, Cristina."

"Oh, my God. You're alive!" Cristina's voice ruptured through the phone. "By the way, thanks for telling me that you were flying across the country. I totally appreciate finding out from _Alex _at two this morning. Speaking of which, that's why I'm calling."

"Is Alex okay?" Meredith asked, suddenly remembering that Arizona had bought him one more day with Blake, but that meant child services would be back today.

"No, I mean, well, I don't know. But child services just took Blake away, and Alex like vanished. Not even Wilson knows where he is. He's just gone, and I'm worried about him. I think he's in a dark place, Mer, and I don't know how to help him. That's why you have to."

"I have to?" Meredith asked. "Well, I'm kind of across the country right now…"

"Well, you chose a shitty time to pack your bags and go surprise Derek in D.C. I mean, seriously, Mer? Evil Spawn just found out about Evil Spawn, Jr., and now he can't even see the kid. Hey, you and Derek went through the foster and adoptive classes when you adopted Zola, right?"

"Um, yeah," Meredith said, eyeballing Derek, who seemed enthralled by his wife's phone conversation, despite the fact he was only hearing one end of it.

"So, you're licensed foster parents?" Cristina inquired.

"Technically, yes," Meredith said.

"So, there you go! You and Derek can foster Blake until Alex can figure out how he's going to get custody of him. It's perfect!"

"Cristina, you've lost your mind," Meredith stated. "I mean, it's great that you want to help Alex, but I don't think that's the answer. I can barely keep track of my own life right now, I can't. I'm sorry."

"Oh, come on, Mer. Would you rather Blake go live with some random foster family that might make him eat five servings of vegetables every day? I mean, you love Blake, and Blake loves you! And I haven't been around him much, but he and Zola are good friends, right? Just think about it," Cristina continued to insist.

"It's a bad idea," Meredith protested. "And I make sure my kids eat five servings of vegetables every day!" She noted the perplexing expression on Derek's face.

"Right, the last time I was at your house, you didn't even _have _vegetables, so I'm having a hard time believing that. Oh, by the way, did you _seriously _leave Zola and Bailey with McHo?"

"Cristina!" Meredith cried. "You know what, I have to go."

"Oh, did I interrupt sex?" Cristina asked. "'Cause you sound kind of crabby."

"I'm not crabby," Meredith protested. "And no, but you interrupted brunch, and this brunch, let me tell you, is better than sex."

"Not possible," Cristina retorted.

"Oh, so possible," Meredith said, eyeballing Derek, who seemed slightly offended by Meredith's remark about brunch being better than sex.

"Okay, well, I'll let you get back to _brunch_. What kind of word is that anyway? I mean, who decided to mix breakfast and lunch togetherr? Nobody eats _linner_ or _lupper_."

"Oh, Cristina," Meredith exhaled slowly, ending the call, looking up at Derek. "I'm so sorry about that."

"It's fine. Nothing I'm not already used to," Derek teased. "Though, I have to say, you did seem kind of crabby with her. Are you upset with Cristina about something? And what's going on with Alex?"

"I'm not upset with her," Meredith fibbed. "And Alex...it's nothing."

"You said something about her wanting you to help Alex, so it's apparently something," Derek pointed his fork at her.

"Okay, it's something," Meredith confessed. She rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I'm even telling you this, because obviously it's not a good idea, but child services took Blake away this morning, and you know how we took those foster/adoptive classes when we adopted Zola?" Derek nodded. "Well, we're licensed foster parents, technically, so Cristina thinks we should try to foster Blake until Alex gets this sorted out. I mean, it's crazy, right?"

Derek's eyes widened. "Actually," he said, "I think it's a great idea."

"What?" Meredith's jaw dropped.

"Would you rather he go to a strange family? If we take him in, then he can still bond with his father, and Zola is _constantly _talking about this Blake kid. I haven't even met him, and I feel like I know so much about him because of Zola."

"Derek," Meredith said slowly, "you were just saying last night that Zola needed to stay _away _from Blake. Remember? The baby comment?"

Derek laughed. "You were right. I was silly to freak out about it. They're preschoolers. You're right, it's harmless. I mean, in another ten years, I wouldn't be so keen on the idea of taking this kid into our home. But it'll only be a few months, Mer."

"I don't know," Meredith sighed. "We already have the Amelia situation…"

"You said she's keeping the baby?" Derek looked perplexed. "So, did she say anything about how long she plans on staying in Seattle?"

"I don't know," Meredith admitted. "I know she and Owen have something going on. I think she's counting on him to help her with the baby. She did say she likes Seattle. I also think she wants to mend things with you. Derek, there's something you should know…"

"Hm?"

"It wasn't Cristina I was on the phone with last night," Meredith confessed. "It was Amelia. She and Owen had some sort of argument, and she didn't know who else to turn to. Cristina's been kind of a bitch to her; she's jealous that she's been spending time with Owen and has been very, very blunt about it. So, Amelia called me…"

"Amy was having a crisis and she called you?" Derek looked surprised; Meredith nodded. "Wow, I'm impressed. I mean...I'm glad that you two are bonding. It's good, especially since she was always so close to Addison. I'm glad you guys are hitting it off. And Owen...I can't say I'm surprised. I suspected. Of course, I'm more worried about him than I am her."

Meredith shook her head. "They're both damaged. Cristina and Owen are never going to work out, face it. They both have a history of cheating, and Amelia's last two boyfriends have unexpectedly died. I think they're good for each other, if they'll let each other in, and Cristina will stop being such a bitch."

"Ah, so you are upset with Cristina," Derek noted.

"Just a tad," Meredith nodded, inhaling; her stomach was filling quickly. She'd only dove into half of her plate of food. Apparently her eyes were much bigger than her belly. "I mean, I want to trust your sister. I do. She's already opened up so much to me. More than I could have ever expected, and I feel like I'm betraying her by telling you just this little bit. I want us to be friends, I do."

"I won't tell her that you've told me any of this," Derek assured.

"In all fairness, she told me that I could tell you about Owen," Meredith shrugged. "So, you're really okay with it?"

"It's really not my place not to be okay with it," Derek sighed. "I mean, she's my little sister, and I can only protect her for so long. And Owen's a good guy. I know he's been through hell and back with Cristina, and I can't say my little sister won't put him through hell too, but I think you're right. They're both damaged, and they could use each other."

"I'm glad you see it at that way," Meredith smiled, staring down at her plate of food. "Uh, I hate to waste all this food, but there's no way I can finish it."

"I have that problem here a lot," Derek said, "and breakfast food does not make good leftovers. What I'll do is get a to-go box and then go offer it to the homeless. There are quite a few homeless who make their camps right here in Lafayette Square."

"That's really sweet of you," Meredith proclaimed, grinning.

"We could do that," Derek suggested, signaling the waitress to bring them two to-go boxes.

"I like that idea," Meredith agreed.

* * *

><p>They gathered their food, and graciously handed it off to a single mother with two young children. Meredith's heart ached when she saw the two little girls dressed in rags. She saw a line of mattresses set up along the gate that surrounded Lafayette Square where numerous homeless folks had set up their camps. That was where they slept in rain and shine. It was truly sad.<p>

She and Derek began walking around the seven-acre square, holding onto each other's hands. "So," Meredith said as they stood under the statue of President Jackson and his horse. "Are you going to take me to the NIH?"

"You really want to go?" Derek stroked her wrist, and they took a seat on the bench. He placed his hand on her thigh.

"I really do," she laughed.

"Well, it's actually in Maryland, about twenty-five minutes from here. And, well, I was going to go _anyway_, just as long as we're back at the White House by five o'clock," Derek pointed out. He took out his phone and called a cab to meet them at their current location. Derek sighed, "I guess we're not going to walk around the monuments."

"I guess not," Meredith laughed, and then she confessed, "I'm not a huge fan of tourist locations anyway." She looked around Lafayette Square, noting the hundreds of people taking pictures of the famous statue in front of her. _Darn tourists_, she thought, grateful - for once - that she hadn't become a photographer. That didn't stop her from taking her phone out to snap a few photos of President Jackson. Nor did it stop her from taking a selfie with Derek before the cab arrived to send to Amelia, captioning the photo: _Tell Bailey and Zola that Mommy and Daddy say 'hi.' _

Amelia replied almost instantly:

_Bailey and Zola say Mommy and Daddy need to have fun without worrying about them._

* * *

><p>The National Institutes of Health building in Bethseda, Maryland, was <em>massive<em>. It was one of the world's foremost medical research centers. And currently, the President's BRAIN Initiative project was its core project. Blue posters labeled _BRAIN 2025 _with the image of a brain were everywhere as Meredith and Derek stepped inside the building. Derek had a key to the brain initiative research labs.

Meredith felt like she was in Heaven. She was truly and completely in awe as she looked at the state-of-the-art equipment. A blue digital 3-D brain lit up the room. It reminded her of something she'd seen on television. There were 3-D printers _everywhere_, and millions of dollars in machines, just sitting around unused. _And brains. _They were everywhere. Each visual had a different area of the brain highlighted. There were labels on some of the images. _32-year-old man, Alzheimer's_. _14-year-old girl, Autism. _She realized that these were the disabilities and the ages that the person with the brain possessed. In the center, an image of a normal brain. She found herself studying each map, trying to decipher the differences between the normal brain and the person with autism. Parts of the autistic brain were highlighted, signifying the differences.

"Where are your neuroscientists?" she teased. "Don't tell me you have all these research labs and equipment to yourself."

"Most of the research actually takes place on the next floor up," he said. "If you want, I could take you upstairs to introduce you to everyone, but I think this floor is more fun, and you'll see why." He opened unlocked the next room. Another machine sat untouched. Derek pressed a button to turn it on.

"What is this, Derek?" she asked, looking around the room, noting more pictures of brains.

"This machine is my baby," Derek told her. "It's a machine that can read emotions. It's something that I've been working on with a couple other researchers, and it's what I'm presenting to the President this evening."

"Oh," Meredith's eyes widened. "Isn't this the machine Callie was freaking out about? Something about her being depressed? And then you thought she had a crush on me?"

Derek laughed. "Yeah, this is the machine Callie and I were testing that time you walked in with Bailey and her pleasure center lit up."

"Hm, would you be jealous if she did have a crush on me?" Meredith teased.

"Only if you had a crush on her back," Derek said, "and it wasn't you. It was Bailey. So...anyway, I was wondering, would you want to test it out?"

Her eyes widened. "I don't know. You might try to mess with my emotions," she teased, nudging him.

"Nah, I wouldn't do that," he laughed.

"Okay, I'll do it," she said, "but only if I get to test it on you after."

"I can't let you do that," Derek said adamantly. Her jaw dropped. "I mean...this is an eight million dollar machine! I technically shouldn't even be letting you in here, because you're not authorized under the NIH. I can't let you run it…"

"Seriously, Derek?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to break it."

He shook his head. "Fine. Okay. You can test it on me afterward. Just _please _be careful." Derek positioned her in the machine and lowered the headgear onto her head. He left her and went into the other room. She could see him through the window. Then she heard his voice through the microphone, "I'm going to start off by asking you some standard questions, okay?"

"Okay," Meredith said.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a surgeon," she said. She heard a ding. "Is this some kind of lie detector test too?"

"It just reads your emotions and how your brain reacts to topics when they're brought up," Derek explained, "and your pleasure center lit up, so that's a good thing. What kind of surgeon are you?"

"I'm a general surgeon," Meredith responded, and she heard rejection noise. "Okay, what does that sound mean?"

"It's the stress indicator, and your brain is flashing red right now," Derek answered slowly. "Do you like being a general surgeon?"

"I guess. It's okay. It's what my mom did, so I'm following in her footsteps," Meredith said, and she heard the rejection noise again.

"Hmm," Derek mumbled. "Tell me about your family."

"Derek, you know about my family," she responded. "I don't see the point in these questions." _The rejection noise. _

"I'm just asking you the standard questions that are part of this study," Derek explained.

"Right. Well, I'm what I guess you could consider happily married, I mean, considering the awful, terrible upbringing I had. I have an amazing husband…" Meredith's heart warmed as she thought about Derek. She gazed ahead into his warm, bright blue eyes. "He's a hotshot neurosurgeon, and I'm really proud of him. Um, we have two beautiful children, Zola and Bailey, and they're both perfect…I want to be the mother that I never had."

She heard the ding again.

"Your pleasure center is lighting up again," Derek confirmed. She noted the intrigue in her husband's face. "I'm going to show you some pictures now, okay?"

"Okay," she said.

The first: a picture of a grey-striped kitten with very bright blue eyes. _Ding_.

The second: a picture of Zola. _Ding. _

"My iPad is currently connected to the computer, so some of my personal pictures are going to show up," Derek explained, "I normally don't have pictures of our kids in the line-up."

The third: A scan of a kidney. _Rejected. _

The fourth: A CT scan of a brain. _Ding. _

"Well, that's interesting," Derek observed. "Your brain became stressed when I showed you the kidney, but your pleasure center lit up at the sight of the brain."

"It doesn't mean anything," Meredith insisted, though she knew she was just kidding herself at this point.

Another image appeared on the screen. Meredith's jaw dropped. She was mortified as she looked at a picture of herself _naked. _"Derek!" she gasped. _Reject - Reject - Reject. _

"Oops!" Derek gasped. "I didn't mean to show that image." He quickly changed the photo to a photo of Meredith and the kids that he'd taken during one of their FaceTimes. _Ding. _

She shook her head. "You know, you might want to delete that picture from your iPad. You have a _government _job."

"My iPad is password protected now," he said. "Just like you told me to."

"Yeah, but you're connecting your iPad to government computers," she pointed out, stepping out of the machine. "Okay, it's your turn."

"Not until we review your results," Derek insisted. "You can come in here."

She joined him in the room behind the window and studied the computer screen, noting the graphs that appeared on the screen. She sighed.

"I don't think I need to explain this to you," he said, taking her hand. "The good news is, you're not depressed. To be honest, the reason I brought you in here was because I was worried, and I knew this machine would tell me if...and also confirm what I suspected. You don't like being a general surgeon, do you?"

She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. "I never wanted to choose general as a specialty," she confessed. "I did it to save our marriage."

"And we've come so far since then," Derek admitted. "Meredith, you should be able to do what you love, and I saw the way your face lit up when we came in here. You looked like you were on Cloud Nine." He chuckled. "And you're always spotting brain tumors in your patients. I swear, it's like you have sixth sense for tumors. Honestly? I think you're better at spotting them than I am."

"I didn't spot Izzie's," Meredith murmured. "I should have suspected, and I didn't."

"She's your friend," Derek said. "There's a reason we doctors don't treat friends and close family members, because we want to deny the severity of their condition. We get too emotionally involved. It doesn't mean you'd make a bad neurosurgeon because you didn't spot Izzie's tumor. Think of all the others you've spotted. Remember the grabby guy last year?"

Meredith laughed and nodded. "You know," she began, "when you said you were going to walk Clemens through how to do it, I almost suggested that I just do it, because I already knew what to do."

"Why didn't you say something?" Derek frowned.

"Because...I don't know...I left neuro, and I didn't want to jeopardize our marriage by going back. Plus, everyone is always giving me crap for being unfocused because I spent so much time in neuro and then spent the vast majority of my fifth year of residency in random specialties. I chose general because Richard suggested I do it, because it's what my mother did…and now I just feel like I'm following in her footsteps. I don't want to be my mother, Derek, but yet I feel like I'm turning into her. I feel like I'm always stressed out, always abandoning our kids, and I hate it. I'm miserable." She exonerated a sigh, feeling the air enter and exit her lungs. "And frankly, I don't know if returning to neuro will really help me at this stage in the game. I'll have to complete a two-year fellowship, and all my friends are completing their fellowships this year, so I'll be behind yet _again_. And fellows have to put more hours in, and that's taking more time away from our family."

"Not necessarily," he said. "And you only need to complete a fellowship if you want to be a board certified neurosurgeon. Amy is not board certified."

"She's not?" Meredith's jaw dropped.

"She was fired from her fellowship and then went into private practice with Addison," Derek told her. "So, I'm sure you could talk to Hunt about it...and think about it: You back in neuro could actually _help _us. Part of the problem I've been having lately is being unable to take care of my patients and work on this project. And it sounds like Amy is planning on staying in Seattle a while, so if you and her run my service, it would be perfect. I wouldn't have to operate as much, and you could be happy. I'd have more time for you and the kids. And who knows, maybe you and Amelia could work on a project of your own. It sounds like you two have been hitting it off, after all."

Meredith felt a tear run down her cheek. She nodded, thinking of the possibilities. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her.

"Okay," she said. "I'm gonna come back, Derek. I'm gonna come back to neuro. Now...it's your turn. You need to get in the machine so I can dive into _your _emotions."

Derek glanced at his watch. "Oh, shoot. We need to get back to the White House. My presentation is in an hour, and by the time we get through traffic..."

She gave him a stern look.

"I'll let you play with it another time, okay? We have one of these machines in Seattle too. I promise I'll let you use it on me," Derek assured.

"Okay," she said, glaring at him, "but I'm gonna hold you to that promise."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The end of this chapter is essentially **_**exactly **_**what I wanted to happen at the end of S10 - and I would've killed for Derek to have Meredith in the machine that he used to detect Callie's "depression." Also, what do you guys think about MerDer fostering Blake? I haven't been getting as much feedback on the last few chapters, so I hope you guys are still reading! This story may be winding down, but the drama isn't **_**entirely **_**over yet. There will be some surprise visits in the last few chapters. :)**

**Also, I should mention: I have never been to the National Institutes of Health, so all descriptions of it in this chapter were purely my imagination. I've only seen pictures online.**


	45. Chapter 45

"I'm willing to bet that each and every one of us in this room is being tormented with intrusive thoughts right now, myself included. My name is Dr. Derek Shepherd. I'm a neurosurgeon. I was trained to cut into a person's life with the intention of saving his or her life. At no point during my career was I trained to give presentations, so as you can imagine, as I stand before you all and the President of the United States himself, my brain is on fire. My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, but all the action is happening in my brain. When we think about negative consequences, the hypothalamus activates and triggers the pituitary gland to secrete the hormone ACTH. This hormone activates your Adrenal glands, which results in an adrenaline rush. We call this stress.

Stress. It's really an interesting concept. The original purpose of stress was to save lives. An animal in the wild would never why a human endures the same amount of stress during public speaking as he experiences when he's trying to save his life. The difference is, however, his stress lasts literally three seconds - that's long enough for him to either kill his prey or be killed. Either way, it's over. Now, factor in the thirty minutes I'm going to be speaking to you all, and we can put that into perspective.

Now, I'm not normally _this _stressed out when I speak in public, but today, I'm not only speaking before President Obama, but there's also another very special guest in the audience: My wife Dr. Meredith Grey. Now, if I botch this speech, well, I'll completely humiliate myself in front of the President, but trust me, that's not the worst thing that could happen today. It's the farthest thing from my mind at this moment. I mean, sure, I'll feel like a fool, but at the end of this evening, Mr. President will not leave with me. He won't sleep next to me in my hotel room tonight. I won't have to ride in a plane back to Seattle with him. However, my wife will be by my side, and I will have to listen to her two cents…"

Meredith felt her cheeks flush slightly as Derek looked straight at her and the entire room of about thirty people, including the President of the United States and the Vice President, burst into the laughter. The room consisted of twenty-seven men and three women, including herself. Meredith forced herself to grin as Derek proceeded to speak:

"Now that you all know why I'm sweating profusely right now, let's continue talking about this silent killer called stress. It's everyone's inferno, we all are bedeviled by it. But as I mentioned earlier, its original purpose was to save us. If we were normal mammals, stress is about minutes of screaming terror in the Savannah after which either the stress is over or your life is over. The response that was meant to save us is now actually killing us.

Today, scientists have discovered that stress is not just a state of mind. It's not psychological t all. But it's something measurable and incredibly dangerous. This is not something abstract, it's not something that _maybe _one day you should do something about. You need to shift your attention to it today.

Scientists have revealed how lethal stress can actually be. Chronic stress can lead to something as unsubtle as killing some of your brain cells, shrinking and reshaping your brain, even unraveling some of your chromosomes.

Now, not all stress is bad. Stress is the body's way of rising to a challenge, whether it's life challenging or fun. The goal in life most certainly isn't to get rid of stress. It is to find the right kind of stress. The key in life is for the end result to make _you _happy.

That's the challenge. Knowing what makes you happy and eliminating stressful activities from your daily lives. Some stress factors are certainly easier to identify than others. And I'm a neurosurgeon, so I'm not going to stand up here and tell you all that you need to meditate, execute deep breathing practices, et cetera, et cetera. That's not my expertise, and personally I think it's baloney. No offense, if that's your method of relaxation.

The reality is, many times we _know _what is causing us stress, but we're in denial. Maybe it's our job. Okay, usually it's our job, right? We're all stressed out by our job at some point or another, because otherwise it wouldn't be a _job_. That's not the problem. The problem arises when our job causes us _so _much stress that we honestly no longer are passionate about it. Or maybe there's another opportunity that's available to us, but we're afraid to take it for whatever reason. Maybe we don't even realize how bad we want that other opportunity, because we're so caught up in our daily routine. Once our daily routine becomes a routine, it's not easy to change it, because we've grown used to it.

What if I told you that there was a machine that could identify the _exact _aspect of our daily routine that was causing us stress? Well, there is.

This machine is phenomenal in its nature. We call it the Mood Reader 100. Researchers across the national are interested in using it to identify subjects that are or are not qualified to participate in their research studies. It can identify if a person is depressed or not. It can do more than just identify depression, as I've seen first-hand. It can also identify the _source _of depression."

As Derek spoke, he clicked through his PowerPoint, which included charts and graphs. Then, he landed on a slide that read _Exhibit A - Baby Blues. _Beneath the next was a photo of Bailey.

Exhibit A: About a week ago, I was testing this machine out on a colleague of mine. We'll call her Millie. I discovered very early on in the test run that my colleague was depressed. Every image I showed Millie indicated a distress signal in her brain, even an image of a kitten. Millie continued to insist that she was happy. She was in denial of her depression, even though I could very clearly see it on the machine that she was, in fact, depressed. Then," Derek's eyes met Meredith's. "I hope my wife doesn't mind me using her name in this example."

"It's fine," Meredith mouthed; she smirked as she listened to Derek tell Callie's example.

"Then, my wife entered the back end holding our little boy, and I couldn't resist including his picture in this slide. Lucky for him, he was blessed with his mother's looks. He's precious, isn't he?"

The room filled with _Awww_s.

"Anyway, the moment my wife entered the room with our son Bailey, Millie's Pleasure Center lit up, indicating her brain was enthralled with just that - pleasure. Of course, I joked that Millie had a crush on my wife," Derek chuckled, "but as I soon realized, and Millie later confirmed, it wasn't my wife that was causing her Pleasure Center to light up. It was my son. Millie was longing to have another baby, which was causing her to feel empty inside and depressed. And this machine helped identify the source of her depression."

The slideshow transitioned, and Meredith wondered if she would be Exhibit B. _He wouldn't, _she thought, plus she didn't know how she could be. Derek had planned his speech long before Meredith had arrived in D.C., and she hadn't seen him edit the slideshow since her arrival.

She read the big bold text on the screen: _Exhibit B: Family Blues. _

"Exhibit B," Derek began, "Not too long ago, I met a man who I'll call Rick. He's married to the love of his life and has two beautiful children; he has his dream job, and much like our previous example, he thought he was happy. He didn't exhibit any of the risk factors for depression, but when he sat in this machine, his brain said otherwise. Every image he was showed set off distress signals, and he couldn't imagine why. He's a huge animal lover, and he loves fishing, so none of it was making sense. So, we added images of his family into the system, and all of a sudden, his Pleasure Center lit up. It turns out, his job requires him to spend extensive amount of time away from his family. His job that he loves very much. But he loves his family more, and a few weeks ago he missed his son's first steps. This machine helped him identify the source of _his _depression, that he didn't even realize existed."

Meredith noted the tears in Derek's eyes. _It's him, _Meredith thought. _Exhibit B is Derek_. Her heart weighed heavily in her chest.

"This concludes my presentation. I urge you, Mr. President, to direct part of the focus of BRAIN 2025 toward stress and depression. I urge you to raise awareness about this deadly disease to the general public. The reality is, our society is far more stressed out than it needs to be, and if we can move to identify the root of the problem, then we can move to eliminate stress from our lives. Thank you very much," Derek concluded, taking his seat next to Meredith.

* * *

><p>"It was you," she said softly, holding onto her husband's hand as they strolled around the Washington Monument. It was still under construction, so they were unable to go in it. It was scheduled to reopen in June 2014, so in about two months. She looked around, watching as other people, mostly tourists, wandered around the park area. In the distance, she could see the World War II Memorial and behind that, the Jefferson Memorial. She gripped tightly onto Derek's hand and met his ocean blue eyes.<p>

"Hm?" Derek asked, dumbfounded, interlacing his fingers with hers as they walked in sync.

She exhaled. "Exhibit B. That's the real reason you didn't want me to see your brain, isn't it? That's why you didn't want to get in the machine."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Meredith," Derek insisted. "We had to get to the White House or I'd be late."

"Mhm," Meredith laughed. "Denial. We're not very good at practicing what we preach, are we?" She stopped and turned toward him. She grabbed his other hand. "Did my being there really make you _that _nervous?" She giggled, gazing into his eyes.

He smirked and sighed. "Admittedly, yes," he said. "But I'm glad you were there. I didn't make a complete fool of myself, did I?"

"You were great," Meredith assured him. "And everyone in the room thoroughly seemed to enjoy your speech, especially when you used our son as a ploy to gain brownie points."

Derek chuckled, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "It works every single time. Who can resist the cuteness of that kid?"

"Very true," Meredith agreed, sighing, "And if it's any consolation, I missed his first steps too. You know, it's funny. We were so worried about Zola taking her first steps in daycare, and with Bailey...I feel like we're missing everything. We have like four days-worth of tapes from Zola's first week with us, and we barely have an hour worth of video with Bailey. I feel so bad. He's going to think we love Zola more."

Derek shook his head. "And you were so worried that Zola would think we had a baby and forgot about her. It's second child syndrome. My parents photographed literally every single moment of Nancy's first three years of life, then Kate came around and then Liz, then me, and then Amy. With each of us, came less photos. With the first kid, it's all new. You think every little move is a big deal, then it's not as exciting with the second child, because you went through it with the first child. Mom barely took any pictures of Amy when she was little, then again, she was the _oops _baby. Of course, my parents would never admit that, but you don't have four kids within six years of each other, then seven years later decide to have another one."

"I hope you haven't actually said that to Amelia," Meredith laughed.

"She's said it herself," Derek shrugged. "She definitely had it worse than the rest of us, and it definitely didn't help that we lost our father when she was five." Derek grimaced, and Meredith's heart sank. It was very rare that Derek mentioned his father. They had known each other for three years before Meredith had even known how his father had died.

"Der," Meredith whispered.

"I don't want our children to grow up without a father," Derek said flatly. "They need to know me. I can't keep doing this, Mer."

"You love your job," Meredith pointed out.

"I do," Derek said, "but I love my family more, and if it means giving this up to be with them, then I'll do it. Not only do the kids need me, but I think Amy needs me. She didn't choose to come to Seattle for no reason. We were really close when we were young, Mer, then after she overdosed, I pushed her away. I pushed her away when she needed me most. I have a tendency to do that to people. I did it to you…"

"Derek, what are you talking about?" Meredith asked, stupefied.

"When you drowned," Derek groaned. "After, you needed me, and I pushed you away."

Meredith shook her head. "Derek, that was years ago. We've grown so much since then, and if I recall correctly, it was I who told you to stop hovering."

"You did," he said, "but I still like I'm to blame for that lost time. I was jealous that you were turning to Cristina and your friends instead of me. I didn't understand. I wanted to be the person that you turned to."

"Derek, you are the person that I turn to," Meredith said, staring with confusion into his eyes. "Why are you bringing this all up now? It's ancient history."

"I guess, I don't know," Derek inhaled, "I just feel like I don't deserve you. I've been so horrible to you, and then I lied to you again. I told you that I would step back so you could shine, then this happened. I didn't plan it. It was unforeseen, but I couldn't just say no."

"You don't say no to the President," Meredith repeated what she'd heard Derek say so many times, and she understood. Realistically, who would? She understood Derek had been granted a phenomenal opportunity to work on this project. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. "Derek, not many people get to do what you just did. Not many people get to hang out with the Vice President and his wife in their hotel rooms, either."

"I know," Derek said, "and it's great. It really is. But all of this? It's not what's important in life, Meredith. You and the kids are what are important to me, and I don't want to miss another moment of Zola and Bailey's lives. I've had my time to shine. Now, it's yours. Meredith, I want you to get Board Certified in Neurosurgery."

"What?" Meredith gasped. "But - but you said that Amelia isn't, so..."

"She's not," Derek said, "but it's going to bite her in the ass eventually. Yes, she's Board Certified in General Surgery, but if she wants to continue to practice as a Neurosurgeon, she's going to have to have to fulfill her credentials. Most patients don't trust a surgeon who's not board certified, no matter how good their reputation is. If word gets out that she's not board certified, it could kill her career. You're not required to be board certified to practice neurosurgery, but it's strongly recommended. I'm going to guess it's the reason Amy stayed in Los Angeles for so long. Private practices have looser regulations, especially in California."

"Hunt knows she's not Board Certified in Neurosurgery, right?" Meredith asked.

"He has to know," Derek shrugged. "He had to have looked at her credentials during the hiring process, but from the sounds of it, he's not just interested in her professionally…"

"Well, he hired Kepner after she failed her boards," Meredith pointed out.

"Under a one-year grace period," Derek noted.

"Maybe he's given her a grace period," Meredith said. "The boards are in June. She could take them then. I know you said she was fired from her fellowship, but surely she has enough field experience to take the test if she wanted to."

"Yeah," Derek said. He shook his head. "I know if I bring it up, Amy will rip my head off because I'm her brother. She's not too fond of listening to what I have to say."

"I'll mention it," Meredith offered. "But you never know. Maybe you're right. She chose to come to Seattle for a reason, and I don't think it was _just _to drop her baby off on our doorstep. I know she's hiding from people in LA, but I really do think she wants to mend things with you, Derek. I also think all along she's wanted to keep the baby. She said some things to me in the beginning that indicated that she did. I just think she's scared. She needs some guidance from her big brother. She's just afraid to ask. I think she's been using me to get to you, because she figures I'll tell you everything she tells me."

"Have you?" Derek laughed.

"No," Meredith confessed. "I'm not the type of person who repeats what people confide in me."

"Well, not so much anymore," Derek noted, brushing his fingers through her hair, and he guided her toward a bench, and they sat down.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Meredith snapped. He rolled her fist into his palm and gently stroked her knuckles.

"Well, when you thought Hunt had feelings for Teddy…" Derek mumbled.

"That was different," Meredith sighed. "It's not like that anymore. I didn't even tell Cristina about Amelia and Owen. She found out accidentally."

"Things are different now," Derek observed. He kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry that Cristina isn't taking it well."

"I mean, I guess I don't blame her. I guess if you and I ever got divorced and you started dating Cristina…"

"Okay, stop right there," Derek laughed. "Cristina and I would never work, so that's a terrible comparison." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "And I hope we never get divorced."

She leaned her head into his shoulder. "I hope we don't either," she sighed, "because I can't imagine my life without you now that you're in it." She tilted her head and his eye melted into hers. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"I can't imagine mine without you, either," he replied. They looked ahead and watched as the sun cast an orange haze over the horizon, splashing random splotches of hot pink into the sky. Derek's thumb stroked Meredith's spine. "We should get back to the hotel. My plane is scheduled to leave early tomorrow. I was originally going to fly out tonight, but there wasn't any extra seats available on the plane, so I booked us two seats for an early flight tomorrow."

"When'd you have time to do that?" Meredith inquired, not recalling a time when Derek had called the airport.

"You were in the bathroom at the time," Derek shrugged. "Now, shall we go back to the hotel?"

She nodded. Her jawline stretched as she yawned and agreed it was time to go back to the hotel.

* * *

><p>They were just a few blocks from the hotel. It was just on the other side of the White House. Together, they walked hand-in-hand back to the hotel. Meredith changed back into the sweatpants she had worn the night before, since she didn't have another pair of clothing. She lay in bed and a shirtless Derek joined her shortly after. She leaned into his chest and placed her hand on his lower stomach, feeling the waistband of his briefs. Slowly, she felt him growing.<p>

"Derek!" she gasped, giggling.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Bad boy," she scolded.

"Oh, I can be a bad boy. A _very _bad boy," he smirked, leaning in to kiss her. He leaned over her, and began kissing her neck. Her heart rate quickened as Derek moved on top of her, his hands ran down her waist, and a shiver ran up her spine.

"Actually." She tried to catch her breath. "I was thinking we could just cuddle and sleep." She still hadn't mentioned that her cycle was off, and she didn't want to make a big fuss about it. She didn't want Derek to get his hopes up or to worry him, if she didn't have to. If it happened, it happened. The chances of it not happening were much higher. Meredith had decided she wasn't going to worry about it. But right now, her eyes were heavy. It had been a long day filled with much more activity than she was used to. Well, much more _walking _than she was used to. In Seattle, she had a car and could drive wherever she needed. The past day had been filled with walking _everywhere_. Her legs were sore, and she just wanted to close her eyes, rest her head on Derek's chest, and sleep.

Derek frowned as he lied back down beside her. She could still feel him throbbing against her leg. "Just a quickie?" he asked like a horny teenager.

"I'm exhausted," she sighed, unintentionally pressing her hand against his hard member.

"Then stop teasing me," he pouted, grabbing her hand.

"I didn't mean to!" she insisted, moving her hand up to his chest, and meeting his eyes. She kissed his forehead.

"I don't believe you," he laughed. "You always were a tease."

"I am not a tease!" she protested, yawning, and pressing her ear against his chest. She could hear his heart pounding rhythmically inside his chest. She softly kissed his collarbone. "I just want to sleep."

* * *

><p>And she did just that. Meredith slept soundly and dreamt that she and Derek were throwing a birthday party for Bailey in the park. Only, it wasn't Bailey's first birthday party. It was Bailey's <em>seventh<em> birthday party. There were dinosaurs everywhere, and apparently they'd rented a bounce house. The Bailey in her dream was a splitting image of his father, which was really funny, because everyone said that he was a splitting image of her. Meredith had always not-so-secretly hoped that her kids would get Derek's good looks - well, at least his hair. Babies changed so quickly, though, so there was a chance that Bailey could still get his father's hair as he got older.

She woke to the sound of the loud, piercing alarm Derek had set on his phone. Meredith groaned as she slowly opened her matted eyes. It was still dark outside. She glanced at the clock. Four o'clock. It was four o'clock Eastern time, which meant it was only one o'clock Pacific. She didn't know how Derek did this. She knew she couldn't on a regular basis, especially knowing that they were about to be on a plane for five hours and then lose three hours, so actually, it would feel like they'd been on the plane for two hours.

"Mmm," Derek mumbled as he opened his eyes. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes," she admitted. "I just hope your sister hasn't inflicted too much damage."

"I'm sure everything's fine," Derek insisted, sitting up and pulling on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. "You wouldn't have left the kids with my sister if you didn't think she could do it."

"Yeah, but what do I know?" Meredith groaned. "As it's been pointed out to me, numerous times, I barely know your sister." She reached over and grabbed her phone. She was startled when she saw that she had a missed call from Jo Wilson. Meredith sighed, then noticed the call had been placed only twenty minutes earlier.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Oh, nothing," Meredith mumbled, making sure all her things were in the bag. She contemplated if she should return Jo's call as she and Derek got ready to head to the airport.

They headed downstairs, and Derek went to drop off his keys. Meredith headed outside to wait for him, where she decided to call Wilson, even though it was almost two in the morning in Seattle. It was possible Wilson was on call, though, in which case she would be up anyway.

"Dr. Grey!" Jo shrieked after only two rings. "I was hoping you'd call me back. Look, I'm sorry for bothering you, I know you're in D.C. and it's like five in the morning or something there, but I'm on call and I kind of lost track of time."

"I figured," Meredith said. "Look, what is it? Is Alex okay? Derek and I are on the way to the airport."

"Oh, you're coming back already? Dr. Shepherd, your sister-in-law, made it sound like you'd be there a little longer. Does she know you're on your way back?" Jo asked.

"No, and don't tell her," Meredith insisted. "Anyway, Alex?"

"Right. Alex," Jo sighed. "He's a mess. He thinks this is his fault, and he's not talking to Izzie again...I mean, not that that's a bad thing. I know I put on a show like I was okay with her and all, but let's get real, it's kind of weird. I mean, I'm glad she made it through surgery, because I would have felt pretty shitty if she died. But my boyfriend being friends with his ex-wife is just weird, and now the police are all over Izzie because of the accident and apparently she stole a vehicle. It's not looking good for her. And Alex is just livid. You know how he can get sometimes. He's so filled with anger. I think it's because he feels like Jimmy. He feels like he's abandoned his kid just like his father abandoned him, and Blake's gonna end up resenting him. It's just a mess, and I'm not sure who he blames more, him or Izzie, but um, well, Cristina mentioned something to me about you and Derek fostering Blake, but you weren't fully on board so she didn't want to mention anything to Alex…"

"Wilson," Meredith said sternly, her stomach turned. "Derek and I cannot foster Blake."

"Look, I know that you have your hands tied, and I don't even know if the foster care system will allow you to take him in since you're so close to Alex. But it's worth a shot, isn't it? Dr. Grey - Meredith - I was raised in the system. I know what it's like to go from foster home to foster home. Some of them are shitty. Some of them are nice. But it's not a good life to live, and if Blake _does _get put into the system, into that lifestyle, it's going to be even harder to get him back. At least if he's with you, we'll know where he's at. Please, just think about it. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, and I wouldn't be asking you this if I didn't love Alex. And I know you love him too. Please, Meredith, do this for Alex."

Meredith's chest ached. She did love Alex. And it's something she'd never thought about: Alex _had _been abandoned by his father. His brother and sister had been in the system, too, so he knew exactly what Blake would be going through. This was so close to home for Alex, and Jo too. Alex had every right to resent Izzie, but at the same time, Meredith hoped that they could somehow reconcile.

"Text me the contact information I need. I-I'll talk to Derek," Meredith said, and she looked up to see Derek walking toward her.

"Talk to Derek about what?" Derek asked as Meredith put her phone in her pocket.

"I think we need to try to foster Blake," Meredith told him as a cab pulled up. Derek didn't say anything, but she could tell by the look on his face that he was accepting of the idea.

* * *

><p>Meredith had never been fond of airplanes. She was even more nervous sitting next to her husband, as she recalled the <em>last <em>time she and Derek had sat next to each other on a plane. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly through her nose, remembering the devastation that had resulted in that plane ride. The plane that had taken Mark and Lexie's lives. The plane that had taken Arizona's leg. That plane that had temporarily messed up Derek's hand and taken Cristina's sanity. She was the only one who had escaped with minimal injuries. Meredith sighed. That plane was much smaller than the one she and Derek were currently on. There were four seats across on each side. She gripped tightly onto Derek's hand as the flight attendant went over the safety demonstration. Her eyes fixated on the yellow mask. It's standard protocol for the flight attendants to go over the safety protocol each time you fly. Unless, of course, you're flying on a small, private plane - in which case there are no flight attendants.

Her fingers laced with Derek's. They weren't on a tiny plane. They were on a big plane, flying out of a big international airport. Everything was going to be fine. In a few short hours, they would be hope, and she would be hugging her babies.

_Everything's going to be okay. _

Meredith closed her eyes as the plane ascended, and she continued to grip tightly onto Derek's hand. She didn't want to lose him again. Why hadn't she been holding onto his hand when the plane had crashed? She couldn't remember where her hand had even been. It had all happened so fast. She tried to push those thoughts out of her head; it wasn't something she wanted to remember. But sometimes random snippets would torment her memory. Meredith swallowed as she experienced one of those random snippets. _It was bumpy, like they'd hit a massive amount of turbulence. She told herself it was normal. That happened a lot, especially in small planes. She tried to breathe. But then, suddenly, she realized they were descending faster and faster...they were crashing! _

She was shaking. "Meredith." Derek tapped her hand. "It's okay. We're going to be okay."

"We're going to be okay," she repeated.

"You were thinking about the last time we were on a plane together, just the two of us, without the kids," he observed.

"How'd you know?" she whispered.

"The horror on your face," Derek confessed. He ran his fingers through her messy hair; she hadn't had time to do it that morning. Plus, she didn't see the point, since she'd known they were going to be on a plane for five hours, during which her hair would get messy anyway.

"It wasn't as scary when we went to New York last winter," Meredith admitted. "I guess it's because the kids were with us. I mean, you'd think I'd be even more scared, because the thought of something happening to them is terrorizing, but I just felt comfort knowing that we were all together. The idea of something happening to both of us and leaving our kids...I would never be able to forgive myself."

"I know," Derek said. "That's why this was my last trip to D.C."

"What?" Meredith asked, confused.

"I left the NIH my formal resignation," Derek affirmed.

"What? No!" Meredith cried out in shock.

"They wanted me to move there," Derek confessed. "They've been pressing for me to spend more time in D.C., and I've been declining as much as I can. My family is too important. You're not the only one who noticed that I was Exhibit B, Meredith. The President approached me briefly, while you were in the restroom. He caught on right away, and he gave me an out and I took it. He, too, understands that family is important."

Meredith was in tears.

"Why are you crying? I thought that's what you wanted?" Derek asked, stroking her wrist.

"I-I did," Meredith confessed. "But I feel so awful! I mean, this opportunity was _huge _for you, and I feel like I've ruined it for you."

"Meredith, you didn't ruin anything for me," Derek said. "I made this choice because I _love _you and our kids. You come first. You always will. I should have never taken this job, because I broke a promise to you. It's your time to shine, Meredith. You need this more than I do. I'm ready to step back. I figure, you can do your fellowship under me. I'll take more time off to spend with the kids. You and Amy can run my department. It works out perfectly, Mer."

"You're sure?" Meredith asked. "This is what you really want?"

"I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't what I really wanted," Derek assured her. "I want you to be happy. I want our family to be happy. You and the kids are my everything."

Their eyes locked. This all seemed so surreal to Meredith. Derek was leaving his job for her. She'd never asked him to do that. She'd never expected him to do it. It's what she wanted, but at the same time, she just felt so guilty. _She was getting her husband back_.

"I love you so much," Meredith mused.

"I love you, too," Derek grinned, and tiredly leaned in to kiss her hairline. He leaned his head against her shoulder and his eyes drifted shut. Meredith soon realized he was asleep.

She tried to sleep too, but she was too alert. Sleep and planes never went hand in hand for Meredith. Instead, she found herself looking out the window at the blanket of puffy gray clouds that they glided above. To her delight, the ride was smooth with very little turbulence. Her stomach still felt empty, as it generally did on planes. She ended up takng out her phone, which she'd dutifully put in Airplane mode before they'd ascended into the sky. She couldn't text or make phone calls, so she ended up playing Flappy Bird. It was a dumb game, but yet it was so profoundly addictive. One of her teenage patients had convinced her to download the game months ago, before the game's creator had removed the game from the App Store. She found herself tapping lightly on the screen, trying to get past as many green bars as she could. Her high score was fifty-three. She longed to get to fifty-four, but she was stuck.

Meredith let out a sigh of dismay when the _Low Battery _message popped up on her screen. "Damn it," she mumbled, glancing over at Derek, who stirred as she carefully moved her arm, and his head shifted down her shoulder. He jerked awake. His eyes shot open, and he stretched his jaw, yawning.

"Are we landing?" he asked groggily, just as the pilot's microphone came on.

"We will be landing in Seattle shortly. The weather is seventy-three degrees Fahrenheit. The local time is eight a.m."

The plane descended over Seattle. Meredith could see the Space Needle in the distance, showcasing the city she called home. She took a deep breath, steadying herself, as she held onto Derek's hand. They were home. Finally.

As they stepped off the plane and walked through the terminal, Derek asked, "Do you think we should call Amy to let her know we're back?"

"Let's not," Meredith said, stepping out of the terminal. Neither had checked luggage, so they were good to go. She pulled her phone out to call a cab. "I'd rather not give her a heads up. I want to see what the house looks like when we walk in - oh crap, Derek." She realized her phone was completely dead, but that's not what she was saying _crap _about.

She and Derek wearily looked ahead, unexpectedly greeted by a familiar trio.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Uh-oh, who's here? Also, apparently someone was concerned about the fact that Amelia isn't board certified. Well, she **_**was **_**fired during her fellowship, so I think it's safe assume that she isn't board certified in Neurosurgery. She would be board certified in General Surgery, though. Believe it or not, it's not required to be board certified to be a surgeon! I didn't know this, either, until I was researching surgeons in my area and discovered many are not board certified. Of course most people would rather have a board certified surgeon (at least, I know I would), and realistically it would be difficult to get a job at a hospital without being board certified. Then again, anything is possible in Shondaland. Who knows, maybe Amelia took the boards and it's never mentioned. I'm not a surgeon, and I've never claimed to be an expert on how medical certification (or anything medical, for that matter) works. I'm just a fanfic writer who does a lot of reading, so take what I say with a grain of salt! **


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: You're probably going to notice my updates slowing down a bit. We're getting close to the end of this story. I have a pretty good outline of events; I just need to work out all the specific details. I also don't want to forget anything important, since there's still a lot I need to cover before I can label this story as "Complete." I can't tell you how many chapters are left, because usually five chapters in my mind can easily turn into fifteen or twenty once I've taken the time to write everything that's in my head. Oh, and nobody guessed the trio correctly that I'm so excited to reveal in this chapter!**

* * *

><p>"Well, well, well, look who it is," Nancy gloated, leading the pack toward Derek and Meredith. Nancy's thin, brunette hair was longer than Meredith remembered it being; it just barely brushed the tops of her shoulders now. She was wearing a dark blue, Liz Claiborne short-sleeved dress, with black high heels. Her ears were accessorized with silver studs. Kathleen and Elizabeth weren't near as glamorously dressed as their sister, but both were wearing black slacks and fancy suit jackets. Meredith's stomach turned, suddenly feeling an uncanny sense of self-consciousness over how she was wearing black sweatpants and a white T-shirt <em>and <em>her hair was an unruly mess, _and _she wasn't wearing an ounce of makeup on her face, not even a streak of eyeliner.

After spending Christmas with the Shepherds, Meredith had gathered that Derek's sisters didn't leave their bedrooms for any occasion - even breakfast - without dolling up themselves. The same went for all nine of his nieces, which clearly they'd learned from their mothers. Even his eight-year-old niece had a phenomenal sense of glamour and style. Something Meredith never had bothered to even care about. Fashion and style were the farthest subjects from Meredith Grey's brain. When she was a teenager, she wore all black. Now, she wore whatever felt comfortable. After witnessing how perfectly fabulous Derek's sisters and ex-wife were, Meredith often wondered what Derek saw in her, because clearly he was used to the women in his life layering their bodies with much more style than she ever had in her entire life. Meredith often wondered if Zola - even though she wasn't blood related - would inherit the Shepherd family's sense of style. She was as girly girl as could be now - far more girly than Meredith had ever been.

"Nancy." Derek's face froze; his gaze floated from sister to sister. "Kate. Liz."

"Well, hello to you, too, little bro," Kathleen mused with a grin on her face.

"Don't look so sad to see us." Lizzie glared at Derek. She patted both her legs. "Don't forget, it's because of me that you can operate." Her forehead wrinkled and squinted as she lowered her hands over her calves. "I'm still a little numb." She winked.

"You seemed fine at Christmas," Derek argued, "and if you're here to whine and complain that you're in pain, there's nothing I can do for you. I was very adamant about you _not _donating the nerves, so you can hop right back on the next plane."

"Geesh, relax. I was just giving you crap. My legs are fine," Lizzie insisted. Her eyebrows furrowed. "And you wouldn't ship off your sisters who love you _very _much who flew all the way across the country to see you, would you, Derek?"

"Don't underestimate what I'll do," Derek responded slyly, gently grabbing Meredith's arm, wrapping his arm around her waist, and snugly pulling her closer to him. "Seriously, what are you doing here?"

"We want to move in with you," Nancy replied in a simple voice. "All three of us." She eyeballed her sisters, whose faces overrode with faux smiles. Meredith's head tilted towards Derek, whose mouth hung wide open. Nancy, Kathleen, and Elizabeth burst into laughter. Nancy cried, "Kidding! But you should have seen the look on your faces."

"You don't think I actually thought you were serious, do you?" Derek inquired, furrowing his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "All three of you have families, and I know you wouldn't just up and leave your practices and families to move to Seattle. Now, why don't you tell what you're doing here. I'm not playing games." He released Meredith from his grip and clenched his fists together tightly. Meredith could sense the anger and frustration in his face, much like she'd witnessed when Amelia had shown up unannounced the month before. Though this was a different kind of anger. With Amelia, admittedly, Meredith had noted that Derek hadn't seemed too incredibly surprised about her arrival. He'd been angry, but not surprised. Clearly, Derek had not anticipated running into his three older sisters at the airport, and sheer confusion was written all over his face.

Nancy shrugged. "You left your family and practice and moved to Seattle."

"Nance," Kathleen said warningly.

"What, it's true. I'm sorry if I'm still a little confused about that," Nancy spat. An awkward silence ached as Nancy crossed her arms; Meredith felt her heart pounding fiercely in her chest, and her blood gushed rapidly through her veins. Nancy was still still bitter that Derek had left Addison. It was old news to Meredith, and even though she and Derek had been together on and off for eight years now, in Nancy's eyes, that apparently meant nothing. It wasn't like Meredith didn't understand. Derek had seen her twice over the last eight years, and he was always very abrupt and brief with his sisters. He hated confrontation from them, and whenever they asked questions, he brushed them off. Frankly, Meredith felt - and Derek seemed to agree - that his personal life was none of their business. Yet, they pried and pried and pried. Nothing stopped them.

Except Amelia. Amelia didn't pry. She wasn't like her older sisters at all. Perhaps it was because she, too, was ousted by them.

"Can we not do this here?" Kathleen pleaded. She extended her arms and embraced Derek with a hug, kissing him on the cheek. "I missed you, Derek." She then shifted toward Meredith and nodded. "It's nice to see you again too, Meredith."

"And it's nice to see you." Meredith forced a smile, and to Meredith's surprise, Kathleen wrapped her arms around Meredith as well. She closed her eyes, breathing through her nose as her empty stomach gurgled and she endured the all-too awkward hug from her sister-in-law until its release. She watched Kathleen backtrack toward Lizzie and Nancy. Meredith stood with her arms extended parallel to her body and forced her lips to form a smile. She bit her tongue, recalling the new tidbit that Amelia had recently exposed: _It was Kathleen who coined the term 'slutty intern.' _ Meredith studied Kathleen, whose friendly smile would light up any room. Maybe it wasn't worth taking Amelia's words to heart. It was all in the past, after all, and Kathleen had always been nice to her face. In fact, it was Kathleen who was very strict about shutting Nancy up when she went on her not-so-kind rants about Derek's relationships and choice of residence in front of Meredith. Of course, that didn't mean that Kathleen wasn't the type of person who was nice to your face and then trashed you behind your back. Meredith didn't know. Meredith wasn't one to trust people right off the back; she'd learned from a very early age that most people could not be trusted.

"We honestly didn't expect to see you guys here," confessed Lizzie, looking bewildered by the sight of her brother and his wife. "We were hoping to rent a car and surprise you at the house. You know, taking some tips from our little sis."

"Ah," Derek's jaw closed as he dissected Lizzie's last comment, reaching an epiphany. "You know Amy's here."

"Well, as much as we love and miss you, we're actually _not_ here to see you, Derek," Kathleen admitted.

"By the way, thank _God _you've moved out of that filthy trailer," Nancy scowled. "But yes, we're here to check on Amy. I spoke to Addison a couple days ago, and she told me some things that rose concern, like the fact that she just randomly came to visit Derek and decided to stay in Seattle, and now she's not returning Addison's phone calls. _And_, something about her boyfriend dying and not coming to his funeral? Then, we had a bit of a get-together at Mom's yesterday to celebrate the twins' twelfth birthdays, and low and behold, guess who unexpectedly called Mom? Your sister…"

Meredith struggled to keep Derek's nieces and nephews straight, but she very clearly remembered the twins: Liam and Lucas. They were hard to forget, especially since they were mirror replicas of each other, as identical as humanly possible. Specifically, Meredith remembered them because they'd both enjoyed messing with her head, continually switching places; Liam tried to convince her that he was Luke, and Luke tried to convince her that he was Liam. According to the rest of the Shepherds, they did that with everyone, especially new people. Derek claimed that nothing had changed since he'd moved across the country. The last time he had seen them, they were three - Zola's present age - and Derek had claimed they'd played the "Switching Places" game with him back then, and it had worked all-too well. Even their parents struggled to tell them apart. The twins were part of Lizzie's brood.

"Amy called Mom?" Derek's voice quivered.

"Well, if you answered your damn phone, you would've known," Lizzie butted in. "Nancy, Kate, and I all left voicemails on your phone, Derek, but _you _didn't answer, but that's nothing new. You never answer your phone."

"He doesn't," Meredith shrugged. "That's why I never call him. I wait for him to call me." She genuinely smiled, because it was true. Derek was terrible at answering his phone, which was why when he was away, she always waited for him to call her.

"Well, he doesn't do that either," Lizzie snarked.

Meredith felt the color from her face drain as she locked eyes with Lizzie. She and Lizzie hadn't exactly started off on the right foot, either, but they'd managed to get along okay over Christmas. Meredith didn't get the vibe that Lizzie _hated _her, at least not the kind of vibe that Nancy gave off. Though, she sensed Lizzie still harbored some sort of anger over the fact that Derek rarely contacted his family now that he resided in Seattle. She also didn't like the fact that Meredith shut down whenever she pried for information about Meredith's family, despite the fact Derek continuously reminded her that Meredith wasn't big on families. Lizzie, however, had been elated by Derek and Meredith's presence at the Shepherd family Christmas. The entire family had been. Meredith was glad they'd gone, despite the awkwardness that had come from it. Meredith was fairly certain that she would never feel truly comfortable around Derek's family.

Though, Derek's mother had made an apparent attempt to make Meredith feel welcomed. The woman had a heart of gold, and out of all of Derek's family members, Meredith could easily say that she enjoyed his mother's company the most. For one, she never pried her for information about her parents or siblings. Two, she always gave her daughters a stink eye - the kind that said _I brought you into this world, and I sure as hell can take you out _- when they asked uncomfortable questions. Meredith found herself wishing that it was Derek's mom who had surprised them at the airport instead of the wolves. She was much more bearable, despite how anxious Meredith had felt when she'd met Mrs. Shepherd for the first time. Meredith no longer felt that anxiety toward Mrs. Shepherd.

Derek pulled his phone out of his pocket. Meredith glanced over his shoulder as he turned it on. "It's been off," Derek showed his sisters his cell phone's loading screen. "I don't intentionally ignore your phone calls."

"Right, of course," Nancy spat, rolling her eyes. "Speaking of which, what are you _doing _here? Wait. Mom didn't tip you off that we were coming, did she? Of course she couldn't. Your phone was off. Unless she called Meredith. I didn't think even think to do that. I should have done that…"

"She wouldn't have answered your call anyway, Nancy. At least, _I _wouldn't have answered you if I were her, given how you talk about her like she's a freaking dog right in front of her," Lizzie pointed out. "Did Mom call you guys? By the way, where are my beautiful niece and nephew? I saw that adorable picture that you posted on Instagram the other night of the kids. They've both grown so much!" Lizzie's face gleamed.

"What exactly did Amy say?" Derek deterred the conversation, neglecting to answer his sisters' questions.

"You know, Nance, you should rent us a car, so we can get out of here," Kathleen dodged the question, gently nudging her sister.

"Yeah, since you're the one who was insistent on not taking a cab," Lizzie added. She cocked her head toward Derek. "She claims the cab had cockroaches crawling on the floor and her cab driver looked like a serial killer. How anyone _looks _like a serial killer is beyond me."

"Well, studies have indicated that there are certain physiological traits common amongst past serial killers. In the United States, most investigated serial killers are white males, typically in their late twenties to early thirties," explained Kathleen.

"Exactly," Nancy said. "Plus, the guy looked like Dennis Rader. You know, the BTK Killer. The serial killer who taunted the Wichita Police for years." She shuddered.

"I see you're still watching too much America's Most Wanted, I see, Nancy," Derek cocked his head towards Meredith.

"I've taken lots of cabs in Seattle and never had a problem," Meredith proclaimed.

"I didn't have any problems when I was here last year," Lizzie agreed.

"Yeah, you know, I'm going to go rent that car," Nancy cut in, flustered, and she trotted off, her high heels clacked against the floor as she hustled away from the group.

Kathleen exhaled as soon as Nancy was out of earshot. "I'm so sorry about her," she said, specifically eyeing Meredith. "She's, well, she's Nancy."

"It's fine. Really, it is," Meredith insisted, following Derek's eyes with her own. She noted her husband's pompous glare, glued in Lizzie and Kathleen's direction.

"Uh, well, shall we go outside and wait for Nancy?" Kathleen requested, adding, "It's pretty stuffy in here. I'm warm. Is anyone else warm?" She fanned her face with her hand.

Meredith's had crossed her arms unintentionally at some point and goosebumps crawled up her forearms. Actually, she was freezing. Nervousness always sent her into a cold sweat. She reached for Derek's heated hand, running her thumb gently on his palm before intertwining her fingers with his; a rush of warmth shot up her arm. She inhaled deeply through her nose.

"I'm fine. It's probably your menopause," Lizzie teased.

"Okay, you will so not be joking about that in another few years," Kathleen lashed back at her sister. Lizzie shrugged, and rather than commenting, Derek merely shook his head and looked up at the ceiling, as if he were seeking for guidance from a higher power. He began guiding Meredith and his sisters toward the airport exit. His strides became longer, and Meredith's legs ached to keep up with him. She was still sore from their adventure the day before.

Soon, they were way ahead of Lizzie and Kathleen. "See what I grew up with," Derek muttered in Meredith's ear; she giggled, and Derek insisted in a low voice, "It's not funny!"

"I didn't say it was," she hissed. "It's just...I was thinking, aren't you glad that we have one of each? I mean, we'll never be outnumbered."

"Very true," Derek nodded.

"And you want more kids?" Meredith joked. "I think we should keep things the way they are."

"Well," Derek said schemingly, "It just means that if we have another boy, then we have to adopt another girl and vice versa. Then we'd have two boys and two girls. Then each of our kids would have a friend."

"Or a mortal enemy," Meredith contradicted.

"Stop being so dark and twisty," Derek laughed and murmured, "Nancy, Kate, and Liz were actually best friends growing up. Amy wasn't as close to them, since she's so much younger. But I always wished I had a brother. I mean, I had Mark, but he was probably the worst possible influence on me. Then Dad died, and I had no one to go for guy advice, well, other than Mark, so I used to think about how nice it would've been to have an older brother."

"Well, you're not gonna die, so our sons won't have to worry about going through life without a father," Meredith assured, not even wanting to begin to imagine raising her children without Derek.

"Oh, so now you're saying sons?" Derek inquired, a smile broke his lips, as he gazed wholesomely into her eyes.

"Don't read too much into it," Meredith instantly retorted. The topic kept coming up, whether she wanted it to or not. Admittedly, she'd been the one to bring it up this time. She was open to have more kids. There hadn't been point in time that she hadn't been, whether it be biologically or through adoption. When she was a young child, she used to make up imaginary siblings in her head. She used pretend she had an older brother, an older sister, and a younger brother. She used to make up adventures for herself and her imaginary siblings, most of which involved playing in the hospital. Sometimes she would pretend she, her sister, and her brother were surgeons who were trying to save her imaginary little brother's life. In her imagination, she and her sister were super close, the best of friends, and they would tell each other all kinds of secrets. Meredith had always wanted a sister.

Meredith felt a harrowing chill creep down her spine as she remembered Lexie. There had been times in her adult life where Meredith had imagined what her life could have been like if Ellis had left her with Thatcher. What if Meredith had been raised with Lexie and Molly? Oh, how different her life would have been. She would have been their big sister. Maybe she wouldn't have gone through the gothic, wild phase in high school. Maybe she would have wanted to set a good example for her little sisters. Meredith would never know, but one thing was for certain: Life would have been completely different.

She kept saying that they should hold off having more kids. She wanted to launch her career and start to lay the foundation for the path to her future. She was a young surgeon, but the reality was, she wasn't getting any younger. Plus, she felt it was important for her children to be close in age. Derek had stepped down again, for her. And while she felt guilty about it, she was glad. She was happy to have her husband again.

Meredith found herself wondering if now was the time to expand her family. Fostering Blake could be a test. Although taking care of an infant and a four-year-old were two completely different ball games. In some ways, a four-year-old could actually be more difficult. Personally, Meredith liked the age that Bailey was now. He slept through the night, his fussiness was generally cured with his teething ring, and he was easily occupied by toys. Zola, on the other hand, proved to be more challenging right now. She was going through her terrifying threes. Though, at times, she could be pretty terrific too. It depended on her mood, and that was the thing about preschoolers - they were unpredictable. Could they really handle another child?

Meredith looked at her dead phone. She'd told Jo to text her the contact information for Blake's case. She would have to wait until she got home to charge her phone to follow up.

"You know, you're a terrible guide," Lizzie huffed as she and Kathleen caught up to Meredith and Derek. The four walked through the glass doors to the outside. It was an overcast day. Dark areas splotched the pavement, indicating it had rained earlier, but it wasn't raining now. Dampness lingered in the air as Meredith inhaled a whiff of Seattle.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was your airport tour guide," Derek shrugged.

Lizzie and Kathleen exchanged glances, and Kathleen exhaled loudly as she shot toward Derek. "Look, Derek, I know you're not super thrilled to see us, but for once, can you take a moment to acknowledge that the world doesn't revolve around you? I've seen you twice in the last eight years, and that's mind-blowing to me, as a sister who loves you and used to see you every day. But Amelia, my baby sister?. I haven't seen or talked to her since she graduated medical school. The graduation I attended and she ceased to acknowledge my presence…"

"And rightfully so," Derek mumbled smugly.

Kathleen scoffed. "I know I've made some terrible comments to her in the past, some very un-sisterly words, that someone with a psychiatry degree should never say, and trust me, I regret it more than you'll ever know. I worry about her all the time, and you can't imagine what went through my head when I heard about her sudden relocation. When I heard she was here, and you hadn't said anything to anyone - which isn't terribly surprising, since we hear from you just barely more than Amelia - I was overwhelmed with worry. We all were."

"And you think just showing up here is going to help her?" Derek asked, shaking her head. "Katie," Derek's tone softened, "Amy's here because she doesn't know where else to go. You...all three of you have basically shunned her from your lives. It's no wonder why she doesn't trust you. I know I haven't been the most supportive of her either, but I never told her that she should have died. Never."

Meredith's jaw dropped as she looked at Lizzie, who had gone mute. She remembered Amelia saying something about how Lizzie was the only one of her sisters who could keep a secret, and that Lizzie had been the one to give her Meredith and Derek's address. Something about Kathleen's rampage indicated to Meredith that Kathleen didn't know Lizzie had been in contact with Amelia. She instantly read a linger of guilt on Lizzie's face.

"I shouldn't have said that," Kathleen went on. "I know that. Nancy does too. We both regret saying that. It was wrong, so, so wrong, because we both know that we would have saved her life too."

"Even though Nancy swore that if it had been she who had found Amy, she would have left her to die?" Derek snarled. Meredith's heart fell into her stomach, now understanding why Amelia had been reluctant to contact her sisters.

"She didn't mean that. It's one of her biggest regrets. Look, Amy's our baby sister, and none of us have handled her problem well in the past. Honestly, when I heard that she was in California with Addison, I was relieved. I knew Addison would keep an eye on her…"

"And I won't?" Derek questioned dryly.

"That's not what I meant," Kathleen sighed. "I mean, I thought she would be fine under Addison's watch, but low and behold, she relapsed again. Nancy and I both talk to Addison somewhat regularly, and she tends to keep us up-to-date on life. When Amy was there, we knew what was going on with her. We don't talk to you as often, Derek…"

"Oh, so I see what this is about," Derek grumbled. "You're here to be nosy. I should have known. You knew I wouldn't tell you her personal business, so you came out here to see for yourself."

"Don't put words in my mouth, little brother," Kathleen retaliated. "I'm here because I want to make things right with my little sister, Nancy and Liz too. Mom wanted to come out, but she couldn't on such short notice. She didn't want to miss her Guild meeting at church today, and you know how she's not one for spur-of-the-moment decisions."

"Yeah, how uncanny that all _four _of my sisters are quite fond of sporadic plans," Derek said hastily.

"Says the guy who decided to move across the country and never look back," Lizzie finally broke her silent spree.

"Point taken," Derek sighed. He shook his head. "Look, if your intentions are as genuine as you claim, then I think it's good that you're here to make things right with Amy. I've been struggling to do that myself. The fact that she's come to Seattle is really mind blowing to me, but it's like I said, she's here because she didn't know where else to go."

"She always was closest to you, Derek," Lizzie spoke up. "I'm not surprised that she chose to come here at all. You are her idol. That's why she became a neurosurgeon."

Derek bursted into a haughty laugh. "She does idolize me."

"Don't be too full of yourself," Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"It's not his fault that he's the prodigal son, and everyone wants to be him. Even on the other side of the country, Derek manages to remain Mom's favorite," Kathleen said. Another Shepherd sister claiming that Derek's was their mother's favorite; by now, Meredith wasn't surprised when she heard the comment. It was clear that all of his sisters seethed with some element of jealousy towards Derek.

"So, um, are you ever going to tell us what you two were doing here in the first place? If Mom didn't tip you off…" Lizzie's eyes froze on Meredith's and Derek's carry-on bags. "You went somewhere?"

"We're just returning from D.C.," Meredith offered the information. "Derek was on business at the White House, and I went to visit and watch his phenomenal presentation to the President of the United States."

Lizzie and Kathleen stared wide eyed.

"Okay, I knew Mom was bragging about how you were doing work on the President's Brain Project a couple months ago, and you posted a photo last month of the White House on Instagram last month, but I guess I didn't realize your trips to D.C. are a regular occurrence," Lizzie stated.

"Were," Derek clarified, looking at Meredith and shrugged. "I resigned."

"You resigned from the President? Are you out of your mind?" Lizzie spat.

"Okay, enough about the President. I hate politics," Kathleen broke in. She cleared her throat. "You've been traveling to Washington D.C. and haven't _once _told Mom? She's three hours away from D.C. She could have easily gotten on the train to come down and see you, or you could've gone up to see her. You know, not to guilt trip you or anything, but Mom isn't getting younger."

Derek sighed. "Look, don't think going up to see Mom hasn't crossed my mind. It has. It's just, every time I've been in D.C. I've had jam-packed days, and I don't like to be away from my kids for long periods of time…"

"You know, if you'd given Mom a heads up, you could have gotten her to come down and watch the kids while you worked," Lizzie said.

"Okay, just because _you _use Mom as your designated babysitter whenever you want, doesn't mean that's something I would ever do to her. Let me guess, all your kids are with Mom while you're here?" Derek snapped.

"No," Lizzie said. "Mine went home with my husband, and Nancy's kids are all old enough to take care of themselves."

"Riley and Marie are the only ones staying with Mom," Kathleen said. "Tessa is in college now, and Matt wanted to stay home because he's a teenager and does his own thing now. He's a good kid who's never given me a reason not to trust him. Riley and Marie wanted to stay with Grandma, and she was delighted to have them. Derek, Mom doesn't view babysitting as work. She loves it. And it's been a while since she's had a baby around, so she would've been thrilled to watch Zola and Bailey for you."

"Lillian was her last baby, and she's eight now," Lizzie affirmed.

"Though, did you hear she's about to have a great-grandchild?" Kathleen asked. "Chris and his girlfriend are expecting. Nancy is not thrilled. She thinks she's too young to be a grandma, even though Mom was a grandmother when she was nearly ten years younger than Nancy is now. Plus, Chris still has a year left of his residency, but I don't know why she's so upset about that. She had Chris when she was a sophomore in her undergraduate. I had Tessa during my second year of residency, and Lizzie had Leah during her first year of med school. We all turned out fine. But alas, it's Nancy."

"No, I didn't know..." Derek began at the same time as Meredith said, "Amelia mentioned that."

Derek shot a look at Meredith. "Amy told you?" Meredith shrugged, nodding.

"I'm not sure who could have possibly told Amelia. Well, maybe Nancy mentioned something to Addie…" Kathleen mumbled, and Lizzie blushed.

"I did," Lizzie confessed. "I told her."

"You've been in contact with Amelia?" Kathleen's mouth dropped. Lizzie nodded. "And you didn't say anything?"

"She asked me not to," Lizzie admitted. "I was just respecting her wishes. We've talked on and off over the last year or so. It was really random, too. I sent her a Facebook message, and I didn't expect her to respond, then she did, and we started talking again. Still, she never told me why she came to Seattle. She asked me for Derek's address, that's all. I didn't know she was planning on staying long-term. I thought she was just visiting."

"And you couldn't have mentioned that to Nancy and me?" Kathleen seemed hurt.

"I knew Nancy would bite my head off, because well, she's Nancy," Lizzie said. "And I saw how upset you were that she wouldn't even accept your Facebook friend request, so I didn't want to say anything."

Kathleen exhaled. "I guess I wouldn't have said anything to me, either. You know, I'm glad we're all here. Hopefully we'll be able to sort things out once and for all. We really need to."

"We do," Lizzie agreed. "This age-old drama has got to stop, and Amelia clearly needs our support." She cocked her head toward Derek. "How is she? Amelia? You said that you've been struggling to make things right with her too."

"She didn't say a word to me for three weeks," Derek confessed. He nudged Meredith. "I think she's talked more to Meredith than me."

"Oh?" Kathleen and Lizzie both shot looks at Meredith.

"She's doing as well as she can," Meredith said, not sure how much Lizzie and Kathleen knew. "Look, I don't know what she told your mom, but it was I who actually told her she should give her a call…"

"You did?" Derek gasped. "I-I didn't know that." He tilted his head toward her, and Meredith sensed shock and pride on his face.

"I did," she nodded. "I thought it would be good. She was worried about being judged, but your mom never struck me as the judgmental type, really…"

"She's the farthest thing from judgmental," Kathleen agreed. "It's one of her greatest strengths. She was terribly upset with Amelia after everything that went down, with the drugs, and I think Amelia mistook Mom's disappointment for being banished. Mom outright told her that she was disappointed, and Amelia of course took that as _I don't love you anymore_, but that's definitely not the case. Mom still talks about Amelia all the time. She was elated when she got the call from her."

"What did she tell Mom?" Derek asked, for like the fifth time.

"Mom didn't tell us everything, just that Amelia seemed shaken up. Apparently she went into a whole apologetic spiel for being a disappointment, and she said that she loved her and that she was sorry for everything. Mom was actually really worried. It reminded her of the suicide note Amelia wrote before she overdosed, which is why we were calling you so often, Derek, but you wouldn't pick up…do either of you know if she's using again?"

"She's not," Meredith instantly confirmed, her chest felt heavy. _Suicide note? _Derek had never mentioned that. "What time did Amelia call your mom?"

"I'm not sure. Probably about seven o'clock Eastern. It was right around dinner time," Kathleen said.

Meredith's heart pounded. She hadn't called to check in yesterday afternoon because Amelia had been adamant that she not. She'd continually assured her that everything was fine, and that she and Derek didn't need to worry. She felt nauseous.

"Amelia's watching the kids," Meredith said hoarsely.

"Wait, you left your kids alone with her?" Kathleen asked slowly.

Meredith grabbed Derek's wrist.

Derek sighed, "Look, she's made mistakes. She's gone through several rough patches, but the only way she'll be able to get stronger is if we give her trust. I'm the first offender of not wanting to trust her, because like you, I don't think she's given us a lot of reasons to trust her. But if we continue to talk down to her, she won't grow up."

"I get that, but I wouldn't leave my fourteen-year-old alone with her. I certainly wouldn't trust her with my toddlers," Lizzie said. "I know we're trying to mend things with her, but that's just such a huge step. They're just innocent kids."

"Amelia wouldn't hurt Bailey and Zola," Meredith defended Amelia, hoping she wouldn't regret it later. "I'm sure she's fine. I'm sure the kids are fine. In fact, the notion that she would call your mom as some type of suicidal goodbye message is just absurd."

Kathleen and Lizzie both stared blankly at Meredith.

"You really don't know Amelia, do you?" Kathleen asked. "I don't mean to be rude, but that's _exactly _the kind of thing Amelia would do."

"All right. Hold up," Meredith raised her voice irritably. "You're going on and on about how you haven't talked to your sister in years, and now, all of a sudden you know everything about her? People do change. I know I'm not the same person I was eight years ago."

"Well, clearly Amelia _hasn't _changed is all I'm saying," Kathleen said. "Otherwise she wouldn't have just abandoned her job in L.A. and moved here, leaving her confused boyfriend to follow her to Seattle, get killed, and then she didn't even attend his funeral? It doesn't make logical sense. To be honest, I've often wondered if she's a sociopath. She exhibits many of the characteristics."

Lizzie, Meredith, and Derek all froze at the end of Kathleen's rant. Derek scowled.

"I thought you were here to mend your relationship with Amy. Calling her sociopath certainly isn't going to accomplish anything of the sorts," Derek said bluntly.

"I know," Kathleen nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm just struggling to understand why someone would behave so erratically. All my years of psych classes have not prepared me to analyze my own sister."

"Well, generally, you have to talk to someone to know their full story, so it's difficult to pass judgments on someone when you haven't spoken with them," Meredith declared. She looked at Derek, "They don't know, do they?"

"I don't think they do," Derek nodded; he and Meredith were on the same page.

"Don't know what?" Kathleen and Lizzie both demanded as Nancy pulled up to the curb driving a black Chevy Malibu.


	47. Chapter 47

Nancy swung the car door open; her long legs extended onto the pavement as she stepped out of the car. She placed the keys in Derek's hand and said, "Take us home, little brother." In the meantime, Kate and Lizzie's eyes were fixated on Derek and Meredith, neglecting their sister's presence. It didn't take Nancy long to realize that something was up. Her eyes focused on Kate and Liz. "What did I miss?"

Kate and Liz ignored Nancy's inquiry. "What don't we know?" Lizzie demanded. She crossed her arms and glared at Derek. Derek loosely held onto the keys that Nancy had just handed him, saying nothing at all. Meredith gently nudged him, and he cocked his head in her direction where their gazes met. Derek sighed, shaking his head as Meredith's eyes channeled toward Derek's sister.

"What's going on?" Nancy prodded for an answer as the silence crept. "Um, hello? I don't appreciate being ignored."

"Shush," Kate and Liz shot glares at their sister simultaneously.

"Meredith," Kate said calmly. "What exactly did you mean when you said _They don't know_? I'm assuming it has something to do with Amelia. Now, you're right. I haven't been in contact with my sister, so it's safe to say that you clearly know her situation better than I do. All my comments aside, Nance, Liz, and I are here for the same reason: We're concerned about Amelia. Now, I think it's time that you guys just be honest with us. You said she's not using, and I have no reason to doubt you. If it's not that, then _what _is it?"

"Well, you're here, so it's not like we're going to be able to keep it from you for long, and as soon as you see her, you'll know…" Meredith found herself rambling before she was cut off by Nancy.

"Wait, Amelia's _pregnant_?" Nancy shot; all eyes fixated on the oldest Shepherd sister. Nancy shrugged. "You said as soon as we see her, we'll know, so that's the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe it's the OB-GYN in me, but judging by the looks on my brother's and Meredith's faces right now, I'm right. I am right, right?" Meredith curled her lip under her teeth and bit into her flesh. She eyed Derek, whose foreboding blue eyes eyed her too.

Meredith exhaled slowly through her nose and nervously nodded, hesitatingly making eye contact with Derek's three sisters.

"Hah, I knew it!" Nancy boisterously announced. She pointed at her sisters. "Didn't I tell you that she was running from something? Though, I'm floored that she didn't tell Addison. Well, at least Addison didn't mention to me. I'm sure Addie would have mentioned if she'd known. Wow, wait until I tell her the truth…"

"Not to be rude, but for crying out loud, will you shut up for once, Nancy?" Lizzie demanded, and threw her hands above her head as she cocked her head at Meredith. Nancy dropped her jaw, as if surprised at her younger sister's bluntness.

"I would have said it a little less bluntly, but I'm with Liz," Kate agreed, cocking her head toward Derek. "So, let me guess. Our little sis found out she was pregnant, and because she's unstable Amelia, she went cuckoo and came to Seattle for big brother's help. Her boyfriend followed her here, and that's when everything fell apart, because he was killed in an accident on the way to the hospital? Or at least that's what I've heard. Maybe I have the story wrong. I've just heard hearsay."

"You've got the gist of it," Derek replied with hesitance in his voice.

"Well, her dead boyfriend _is _the baby's father, right?" Liz asked; Nancy and Kate both shot shocked looks at Liz. Liz shrugged, "What? This _is _Amelia."

"Uh…" Meredith stumbled for words, having no intentions of explaining Amelia's baby daddy drama to the sisters. "Derek," she grabbed her husband's arm. "Did you park your car here at the airport?"

Derek shook his head. "I left it at the hospital and took a cab here. It's easier than fighting for a parking spot in long-term parking." _Well, shit, _Meredith thought, clenching her teeth together, realizing that confirmed she would have to squeeze into Derek's sisters' rental vehicle and be smothered by wolves. Calling a cab sounded so much better. Derek laughed, "Pssh, do you really think we'd be standing here if my car was here?"

"You wouldn't leave your sisters to get lost in Seattle," Nancy stated, winking at her brother.

Derek laughed, shaking his head. "Liz has been to our house."

"Your house is in the middle of nowhere," Lizzie said, shrugging, "I don't think I could find it again."

"Right. Well, let's go," Meredith insisted. She was itching to brush her hair and change out of her sweats, plus she needed to see her babies. She missed them. It wasn't easy spending time away from them, especially when she knew she didn't entirely trust Amelia. She wanted to, but Liz, Kate, and Nancy certainly weren't easing her nerves. She couldn't help but doubt herself. Meredith believed that Amelia had good intentions, but as her sisters had so kindly pointed out, she didn't have the best track record. Everyone deserved a chance to redeem themselves, though. Everyone used to say the same thing about Meredith during her younger years. Meredith wouldn't have trusted a younger version of herself with her children if she was the last person alive. She was the one at family reunions that everyone was embarrassed to be around. Well, according to her mother, that was. She'd never actually _gone _to a family reunion. Her mother had insisted she was an embarrassment and should stay away. And that she had. She'd never been well acquainted with her mother's side of the family.

They squeezed into the car. Derek in the driver's seat. Nancy had demanded that she sit in front, since her legs were longer than everyone else's and she needed the leg room. That left Meredith, Liz, and Kate in the back. Liz volunteered to sit in the middle to save Meredith the awkwardness of sitting between two sisters-in-law, as if this car ride wasn't going to be awkward enough for Meredith.

"Maybe we should call Amelia," Meredith said, trying to breathe normally in the back seat, sitting next to Lizzie. Meredith inched her body as close to the door as possible, trying not to invade Lizzie's space. She could smell Liz's perfume - she smelled like lilacs. "You know, to make sure she's home. She could be at the hospital. It's getting late. I gave her my car keys."

"I thought you didn't want to give her a heads up," Derek said.

"Yeah, well, that was before…"

"Before you knew the wolves were in town?" Lizzie laughed.

"Oh, come on. Don't give Amelia a heads up that we're here," Nancy gasped, laughing. "I want to see the look on her face when she sees us walk in the door."

"You might give her a heart attack," Derek mumbled. "Like you almost gave me when you barged into my trailer when I was in the shower." '

"Well, lucky for Amelia, you've moved out of that trashy trailer and that won't be a problem for her," laughed Nancy. She turned her head back at Meredith, and she snickered as if she were remembering what happened _after _she'd entered the trailer to find Derek naked. Meredith bit her lip, pushing the memory out of her head. It wasn't one of her fondest memories.

"Well, my phone's dead…" Meredith told Derek, running her fingers through her greasy hair. She longed for a warm shower. She wondered what were the chances that she would be able to escape the menagerie long enough to take a shower. Her guess was those chances weren't very high. Though, surely the Shepherd siblings had their own drama to sort out. Maybe they wouldn't notice her absence. Though, someone would have to keep an eye on the kids.

Derek groaned, reaching one arm into the back seat to hand Meredith his phone. "Call Amy," he insisted as she took the phone from his hand and he quickly placed both hands back on the wheel.

"Seriously, don't tell her we're here," Nancy pleaded.

"She has no obligation not to not tell her we're here," Lizzie pointed out. "I mean, I'd do it just to spite you."

"You, hush," Nancy hissed.

Meredith sighed, holding firmly onto her husband's phone. "Will you stop? You're so mean to each other!" She thought about Lexie. She'd gone thirty plus years without knowing she had a sister, then both of her sisters had inconveniently been introduced to her during her surgical residency. She hadn't had the chance to get to know Molly, but she'd had to learn to live with Lexie. She'd been hateful to her at first, but as time passed, she'd found it hard to hate Lexie. As far as Meredith was concerned, she was nowhere near as hostile towards Lexie as Derek's sisters were toward each other.

"We like to say it's how we express our love for each other," Kate explained.

"We give each other shit and then we cut off pieces of our limbs for each other," Lizzie shrugged, tapping the back of Derek's head with her thumb.

"I get that," Meredith mumbled, though really she didn't. She didn't understand how they could be so bitter towards each other yet clearly leave each other so much. It wasn't her definition of family. Then again, she'd never had a family. She'd never been bound to someone like that. If she had said some of the stuff Nancy, Liz, and Kate said to each other to Lexie, Lexie would have gone and cried about it for days, claiming that Meredith hated her.

Alex and Cristina came to Meredith's mind. Her banters with Alex and Cristina were more like Derek's sisters'. Alex and Cristina were like a brother and sister to her, and she would do anything for them. She didn't always agree with their actions, but when it came down to it, they were her family. They'd been there for her when Derek hadn't. Even Alex had stepped up to "be a girl" when she needed him to be one. Alex and Cristina weren't related to her by blood, but they were in fact her family. They didn't have to be tied to her by blood. Blood connected families, but it wasn't the only factor in defining _family_. Families came in all shapes and forms.

She pressed her finger on Derek's lock screen, studying the heartwarming photo of Meredith holding Bailey and Zola on the wooden bench on their deck. The picture had been taken a few months ago. Zola had her hand on Meredith's shoulder, and Bailey's fingers were in his mouth. He seemed so much smaller than he was now. Watching him grow was truly an amazing thing. She wanted him to stay little, but at the same time, she was eager to see who her son would turn into. Would he grow up to be a brilliant neurosurgeon like his father? Or maybe he would take a different route. He came from a long line of surgeons on both sides of his family. Would he want to be one too? She would let him decide. Her mother had told her to go to medical school, that she needed to be extraordinary and becoming a surgeon was her best option. Derek's parents were surgeons, though. His mother had been a nurse and his father had owned his own store. Maybe Bailey would want to start a business. Maybe he would want to become a teacher. The world was full of opportunities, and she wanted both her children to be able to choose their life paths.

Meredith slid her finger to the right, unlocking the phone, unveiling Derek's background photo: A picture of Bailey that Meredith had never seen before. It was a more recent photo; Meredith wondered if Derek had taken it before he left. Bailey's little smile lit up the screen. Meredith smiled, going to Derek's contacts. _Amy _was near the top of his list. She clicked her name and pressed _Call_. She pressed the phone up to her ear and the ringing shrilled into her eardrum.

"Hi, Daddy," Zola's tiny voice entered Meredith's ear. She was alarmed to hear her daughter's voice, since she never allowed her three-year-old daughter to answer the phone. Zola must have seen her father's picture show up on her aunt's phone, which would explain why she thought it was Derek.

"Actually, it's Mommy," Meredith said softly. "Where's your Auntie Amy?"

"Auntie Amy said don't worry, bye bye," Zola said innocently, and the line went dead. Her daughter had just hung up on her for the first time ever.

"Zola?" asked Derek, not taking his eyes off the road.

"She hung up on me," Meredith grumbled, still floored by the fact that her little girl had actually hung up on her for the first time.

"She did what?" Derek sounded just as surprised as she felt.

"Yeah. Well, uh, I guess that means they're at the house, because otherwise Zola wouldn't be answering Amelia's phone. I'm sure everything's fine. She said that _Auntie Amy said don't worry_," Meredith rambled, her heart still weighing heavy in her chest as she couldn't help but feel that something was off.

"Definitely sounds like Amy put her up to her," Derek agreed. "I'm sure everyone's fine."

"I hope so," Meredith murmured softly, placing her hands on her knees. She could feel Liz's eyes on her, though she didn't turn her head. She looked straight ahead at the back of Derek's head. The wolves were finally silent. The rest of the car ride was peaceful. Meredith gazed out the car window, watching as they passed cars. Meredith tried not to let her mind wander, holding onto the excitement that she would be hugging both her children in the very near future. It had only been two days, but she missed them both so much.

Soon they were out of the city limits, and the desolate woods indicated that they were getting close to home. Their house was soon visible up ahead, and Meredith saw her car in the driveway. Derek pulled up next to it. Meredith was the first out of the vehicle. She dashed to the front door, which she found unlocked. Derek and his sisters were right behind her as she pushed open the door.

She froze as the living room view came into plain sight. Toys were scattered everywhere. Zola's big stuffed dog was on the couch. Her dollhouse's pieces were scattered all over the floor. Her little table was scattered with play silverware and dishes. Plus, every light in the living room and kitchen were on. Her eyes immediately landed on Bailey, who was fussing in his playpen.

"Um, wow," Kate said, stepping into the disastrous living room.

"It looks like Hurricane Amelia ripped through," Nancy said plainly; her siblings all shot looks at her. Nancy shrugged, "What, she never was known for cleaning up after herself. Mom always had to bribe her to clean her room when she was a kid, remember?"

"Mhmm," Derek acknowledged. Meredith exhaled and dodged toward her son. She leaned over and lifted him out of his playpen.

"There, there, Mommy's home," she soothed her crying little boy. He immediately stopped crying. She looked around the room, noting Zola's absence. "Where's your sister?"

"Momma, Daddy?" a little voice called softly. A weight lifted off Meredith's chest when she saw her daughter enter the living room. She ran towards Derek and wrapped her arms around her father's legs, then did the same to her mother. Meredith passed the baby to his father, and she kneeled to her daughter's height.

"You know, Mommy was sad when you hung up on her," Meredith frowned, wrapping her arms around her daughter.

"I sorry. Auntie Amy tolded me to," Zola claimed, then she looked up shyly at her aunts. She grabbed onto her mother's hand. Meredith stood back up, and Zola hid behind Meredith.

"You've gotten so big, Zola!" Lizzie was the first to acknowledge the kids. "Do you remember me? I'm your Aunt Lizzie." Zola shook her head. Lizzie sighed, her eyes widened as she turned to Bailey. "And look at you! I swear, the next time I see your kids, Derek, they're going to have their driver's licenses. You _need _to visit more often."

"Uh-hem," Kate and Nancy both nodded.

"Um, right. Hey, Zo, where _is _your Auntie Amy?" Derek's eyes focused on his daughter.

"Bafroom," Zola answered.

"Oh," Derek said. Meredith could sense the concern on his face. "Has she been in there a long time?"

"Kind of," Zola said.

"Well, was she in there when I called?" Meredith asked. She'd called about twenty minutes ago. Twenty minutes was a long time for Amelia to leave the kids unattended in the living room, especially with Bailey fussing like he was when they'd walked in. Meredith studied her daughter. Her hair was perfectly pulled into two pigtails, so it was evident that someone had done her hair this morning.

"I don't remember," Zola responded. "Is I going to see Blake today?"

Meredith's stomach turned. She didn't want to mention that Blake might be staying with them for a while, because if it didn't happen, the last thing she wanted was to get Zola's hopes up.

"I don't know, sweetie," Meredith said. She heard water running from the kids' bathroom. She turned to Derek and mouthed, "Do you hear that?" Derek's eyes widened. "Hey, sweetie. I'm going to go check on your Auntie Amy. Stay here with Daddy and your aunts." She smelled an odor coming from Bailey's direction.

Derek started to hand the baby off to Lizzie. "Maybe I should go…"

"No. You stay," Meredith said flatly, quickly eyeballing his sisters. "I've got this. I'm sure she's just taking a shower and lost track of time. And I don't think she'd be comfortable with her older siblings barging in on her. Um, no offense."

"None taken," Kate said. "I don't think any of us expected her to welcome our presence with open arms."

"Mmm," Nancy mumbled.

"True," Derek agreed with his wife. "We don't want to put Amelia through what Nancy put me through the _last _time she visited Seattle." He winked. Nancy scoffed.

"Uh, right," Meredith said, unable to fight the memory of her less-than-pleasant first encounter with Derek's sister. She couldn't forget the awkwardness she'd felt when she had walked in on Derek naked with another woman, before knowing Nancy was his sister. She bit her lip, noticing an unpleasant smell coming from Derek and Bailey's direction. "And change your son's diaper," Meredith instructed intensely, dashing out of the living room. She heard someone, Kate perhaps, say, _Damn, she wears the pants, doesn't she? _ Meredith smiled sheepishly.

She tapped gently on the wooden bathroom door. "Amelia?" she asked quietly. The running water drowned the sound of a muffled moan. "Are you okay?" She pulled down on the door handle to discover the door was locked. "Amelia?" she said louder.

"Is everything okay over there?" she heard Derek call just as the door crept opened, and Amelia appeared in front of her. Her face was ghastly pale. She was holding tightly onto her swollen belly as she collapsed onto her knees.

"Oh, God, Amelia!" gasped Meredith, lunging towards her fallen sister-in-law.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Just when you thought the arrival of Derek's sisters was the worst thing that could happen... I still have a few twists and turns saved for this story. :) **


	48. Chapter 48

"It hurts," Amelia moaned. Her hands were cupped around her stomach. She leaned forward toward Meredith. Meredith had knelt down to Amelia's level.

"What hurts?" Meredith asked, placing her hand gently on Amelia's shoulder.

"Everywhere," Amelia grunted. "I-I woke up this morning with just a little discomfort. I thought it was gas, so I shrugged it off and figured it would run its course. I got the kids ready, and I felt fine. Zola was giving me a hard time, though. She didn't want to put her shoes on because I told her she probably wouldn't see Blake today. I know, I shouldn't have told her that, but _God_," Amelia grunted, "I didn't want to lie to her. See, I'm terrible at this Mom thing. I can't do it, and clearly the Universe is punishing me." She groaned.

"Okay, breathe, Amelia," Meredith coached her. "How long have you been in here?"

There wasn't a clock in the bathroom. "I have no idea," Amelia said. She was sobbing, "The nausea started right after you called and talked to Zola. I sent Owen a text to tell him I wasn't feeling well. He said he'd come pick up the kids. He was already at the hospital when I texted him. Then the contractions started to come faster and stronger, and I realized what was happening. I didn't want to freak the kids out, so I came in here, figuring Owen would get here soon enough and could take me to the hospital. I had no idea when you'd be home today." She expelled a sigh of relief, rubbing her face with her hand to wipe the tears away. "Okay, that one's over."

"How far apart are your contr—"

"Oh, my God," a woman's gasp interjected from behind. Meredith tilted her head up and saw Derek holding Bailey. Nancy and Zola were also in the doorway.

"I tried to hold her back," Derek explained breathlessly.

"W-What is she doing here?" Amelia's facial expression equally mixed with confusion and anger. Her eyes shot looks toward Derek and Meredith.

"Auntie Amy, are you okay?" Zola asked sweetly, looking at her aunt with wide, worried eyes.

"I'm fine, Zo," Amelia's tone softened as she spoke to the three-year-old. "I just have a little tummy ache. No biggie." Amelia glared at her brother, while Nancy was staring perplexedly at her younger sister.

"Tummy ache, huh?" Nancy raised an eyebrow and moved toward Amelia, kneeling down to her sister's level.

"Get the hell away from me," Amelia snarled under her breath, but Nancy did not back away. She was on her knees, her back positioned with perfect posture.

"Zo, let's…" Derek began, but his face froze before he could finish his sentence. He shook his head wearily, and then Kate and Lizzie also appeared in the doorway.

"What's going on?" Lizzie inquired, then she and Kate both eyed the floor, where Meredith, Nancy, and Amelia housed. Amelia had leaned closer to Meredith, attempting to back away from her sisters.

"What the _Hell _is going on?" Amelia sniped, bending her head up at Meredith. She then pushed away from Meredith, sliding herself toward the toilet. "I told you to visit Mom, not go round up this menagerie!"

Zola tugged at her father's hand. "Daddy, what is men-nag-re?"

Derek shook his head and looked up at the ceiling as if seeking guidance from some higher power. Bailey's tiny fingers touched his father's face. Meredith noted the apprehension on her son's face. He'd done surprisingly well at Christmas time with all his aunts and cousins. Admittedly, she worried about him being around so many people. Babies were easily affected by stressful situations, so Meredith wasn't surprised when her son started fussing. Tears streamed down his soft small cheeks.

"Shhh," Derek tried to comfort the little boy. Meredith started to get up when Lizzie stepped forward, taking the baby from her brother's arms.

"It's okay, little Bailey. I'm your auntie. We're all your aunties," Lizzie smiled warmly at her nephew; tears still welled in his eyes. Lizzie looked down at Zola. "Hey, Zola, I think I saw a swing and slide outside. How about you go show your aunts Kate and Liz how to swing?"

Zola grabbed her father's hand shyly and looked between Meredith and Derek, seeming to be searching for approval.

"I think that's a great idea," Meredith agreed, suddenly thankful for Lizzie's offer to distract the kids. She and Lizzie hadn't started on the best note, though Lizzie had been wonderful with Zola last time she'd been to Seattle. She looked at Zola. "Go play outside with your aunts and brother, okay, Zozo?"

Zola nodded. Kate extended her hand to take Zola's little hand.

"You don't know how to swing?" Meredith heard Zola ask as they walked away from the bathroom.

"I don't think I do," Lizzie gasped. "You'll have to show me."

Meredith and Derek both released sighs of relief.

"Liz...gotta love her sometimes," Derek acknowledged.

"She is good with the kids," Meredith nodded, though sometimes she felt like Liz could be a bit overbearing and melodramatic, to say the least. After she donated her nerve to Derek, she'd stayed at their place for an entire week. During that time, Meredith had convinced herself she was going to go bald from pulling her hair out. She and Derek had come home on the same day, and both had been under doctor's orders to rest for a couple days. Derek, however, didn't seem to comprehend the term _rest_, as he was up moving after a day of so-called rest and had insisted on lifting his then two-year-old daughter anyway. Liz had lain low for three days. She'd had pieces nerve in both her legs removed, so she'd been in a fair amount of pain, though she kept quiet around Derek since he'd been so adamant about her not donating the nerve and she'd insisted anyway. She didn't seem to mind whining around Meredith, though; Meredith imagined it was to make her feel guilty for practically begging her for the nerve. Lizzie had, however, insisted that Meredith took it easy and not wait on her hand and foot, since Lizzie knew Meredith was pregnant then. Lizzie would limp to the kitchen sink to get herself a bottle of water. If Derek was there, she would do so silently. If it was just Meredith and Lizzie, she would moan and groan. Meredith tried not to feel pity on her, though. It had been her choice to donate the nerve.

Amelia was glaring at Nancy. Derek extended his arm and helped Amelia up from the ground. He wrapped his arm around her to stabilize her on her feet and continued to hold onto her for support.

"What are you doing here?" she spat at her sister then, before Nancy could answer, another moan escaped her lips as she gripped onto her belly. Derek firmly supported his little sister.

"Okay, that wasn't even ten minutes. Your contractions are less than ten minutes apart, Amelia. We need to get you to the hospital," Meredith interrupted, looking at the time on Derek's cell phone, which was still in her pocket from when he'd given it to her in the car.

"I don't suppose either of you have a portable ultrasound lying around, do you?" Nancy asked. For the first time since Meredith had known Nancy, Meredith noted genuine concern on Derek's elder sister's face. She was actually worried about Amelia. It was the first time Meredith had witnessed Nancy Shepherd seem genuine about anything.

"Oh no," Amelia gasped in between moans. "You are _not _touching me, Nancy. No way. I am _not _letting you near me or my baby."

Nancy placed her hands on her hips. "Well, what's the point in having an OB-GYN for a sister who just happens to be standing right in front of you, then? Look, like me or not, little sis, but you can either choose to let your baby die or you can let me help you. It's your choice, I guess, but I just want to help."

"Help, my ass," Amelia growled then tears boiled in her eyes as she turned to Meredith. "What if my baby's dead? Oh, God, what if it's my fault? I didn't start taking prenatal vitamins soon enough. Yesterday...yesterday, I felt him kick for the first time."

"You felt him kick? That's a good sign," Meredith said, watching as Derek gently rubbed Amelia's back.

"It is," Nancy said. "Women go into preterm labor for all sorts of reasons, Amelia. It doesn't mean that you did something wrong." Nancy's tone was soft, almost soothing.

"That's pretty big coming from you," Amelia rolled her eyes. "Considering you and Kathleen think I should be dead, you know. How can I trust you?"

"I don't think that and neither does Kathleen," Nancy said softly. "We shouldn't have said that before. It's been years, and we're sorry. Just let me examine you. It'll take you, what, thirty to forty-five minutes to get to the hospital? Add the time it'll take for you to get looked at by a doctor. It could be too late by then. I'm an OB-GYN, and I'm standing right in front of you. Just let me check you out, okay?"

"I think I have a portable ultrasound in my emergency medical supplies in my office," Derek offered. His office, which he had offered to turn into a room for Amelia, hadn't been turned yet. Derek had halted altering the room for his sister after she'd cut him off and moved in with Owen. "I'll go look, but first let's get you out of the bathroom, Amy."

"But you don't have the stuff to stop the labor," Amelia sobbed as Derek gently walked her out of the bathroom, supporting her with every step as they went into Meredith and Derek's room. Derek helped lay Amelia on the bed. "I need to go to the hospital anyway, and my OB-GYN is now my patient who's under police investigation for a century's worth of crimes."

"Amelia, how far along are you?" Nancy asked, positioning her hands around Amelia's tiny swollen belly. "I'd guess by your size, around twenty-four weeks, no?"

"Twenty-four weeks tomorrow," Amelia confirmed. "And I don't remember giving you permission to touch me." She flinched as Nancy continued to feel around her belly.

"Cut it out, sister," Nancy retorted. "I'm an OB-GYN, and I can help you, and you're going to accept my help whether you like it or not."

Amelia stuck her lip out, momentarily bearing the resemblance of a small child. "You always were the bossiest of all my siblings."

"Oh, trust me, Amelia. You _needed _someone to boss you around when you were little. You still do. Derek was always soft with you," Nancy laughed. "It's no wonder why you always run to him when you need help. He might put on an ass face, but he's always had a soft spot particularly for you, since he was the baby for so long before you came around." She shook her head; her eyes smiled nostalgically as she seemed to be reminiscing. "You should how excited he was when you were born. He told _everyone _that we saw that he had a new baby sister, and he just had to show you off. He was so proud to have a little sister. Though, he really wanted a brother, he quickly fell in love with you."

Amelia's eyes watered. "Really?" Amelia asked. "Nobody ever told me this. He showed me off?" She seemed surprised by Nancy's comment. Meredith merely kept her mouth quiet, listening to the two sisters converse after years of not talking.

"Oh, yeah. Ask Kate and Liz. He showed your picture everywhere we went, too. He used to keep a baby picture of you in his pocket at all times," Nancy laughed. "You're lucky to have him as a big brother, you know. I always wanted an older brother, though when we got older; he took care of all of us. He was pretty adamant about becoming the man of the house after dad died. Like Dad left us as his responsibility."

Nancy stopped talking as Derek re-entered the room. He was holding a box of medical items. Silence erupted with his presence, and Derek exchanged peculiar glances with the three women. "Were you talking about me or something?" he questioned immediately.

"Maybe," Amelia smirked even in the midst of pain; her forehead glimmered with sweat.

"Or maybe not," Nancy concluded.

"Whatever," Derek sighed. "I'm just glad you're not ripping each other's heads off. I'll admit, I was a little worried about leaving you alone."

"I wouldn't have let that happen," Meredith spoke up, assuredly.

Nancy snickered. "No offense, Meredith, but I'm pretty sure I could take you down with one poke."

"I'm not supposed to take offense to that?" Meredith asked dryly, realizing Nancy had just implied she was weak. Meredith bit her lip. She may be tiny, but she was fierce. Nancy was maybe an inch taller than Meredith without heels, though Meredith hadn't seen her without heels, aside from that time she was laying barefoot in Derek's bed at his trailer and Derek was standing naked in front of her.

"I'm kidding!" A smile broke through Nancy's face. "Seriously."

Meredith widened her eyes, glimpsing at Derek, who merely shook his head and shrugged. "Here's everything I have that I thought would be useful. Portable ultrasound, gloves, stethoscope, scalpels…"

"Scalpels!" Amelia interrupted looking mortified. "Do you _want _her to kill me and my baby? She's not delivering him now. No, he's too little, and I'm guessing you don't have the equipment he would need to have a chance at survival."

"They just happened to be in the box that I grabbed. Relax, Amy," Derek said calmly.

"You're going to be okay, Amelia," Meredith assured her.

"Though, I have to say I'm impressed, little brother. I didn't expect you to have all this," Nancy confessed, taking the portable ultrasound and gloves out of the box. She put on the gloves and told Amelia to drop everything from the waist down so she could examine her cervix.

Amelia froze. Her face reddened.

"We're all doctors, so no need to be embarrassed, baby sis," Nancy said. "But if you'd rather they leave…" Nancy glanced at Meredith and Derek.

"They stay," Amelia mumbled. "I don't trust you, but I know they won't let you kill me."

"I didn't travel three thousand miles to murder my baby sister," Nancy quipped, rolling her eyes.

"I wouldn't put it past you," Amelia said slyly.

"Wow, you really give me no credit, do you? You talk like I'm the Wicked Witch of the West or something," Nancy remarked. "You know, I'd watch what I was saying if I were you, because there's a box full of scalpels over there, and…"

"Nancy," Derek said in a warning tone. "I don't think threatening her is going to help the situation."

"Right," Nancy forced a smile. Amelia slid off her sweatpants and underwear. They didn't have stirrups, so Nancy helped Amelia spread her legs as far as she could to examine her. Derek sat down on the bed and stroked his sister's dark hair, trying to comfort her, while Meredith stood on her other side and took her hand.

"Gotta say, can't say I ever pictured this," Amelia mouthed. "Not even in my wildest fantasies when I was high. Okay, I shouldn't joke about that, should I?"

"Well, the good news is your cervix is intact, and you're not dilating," Nancy confirmed. "Let's get the ultrasound started and see if we can find a heartbeat."

"If," Amelia repeated the word with terror on her face.

"What is this thing? From the Stone Age?" Nancy gasped as she started the ultrasound machine. Meredith eyed it. The machine was probably about ten years old, as it nearly doubled the size of modern portable ultrasound machines. She hadn't even known there was a portable ultrasound in the house. Had she known that, she could have used it when she was pregnant with Bailey. Maybe it was a good thing she _hadn't _known, because she sensed she would not only use it, but she would overuse it. She'd been so worried that something would go wrong, since her uterus was so unstable. Meredith had gone up to O.B. for an ultrasound at least once a week during her pregnancy, way more than the standard two or three times per pregnancy. Some women were lucky to see their baby once on the ultrasound. Generally, doctors only scheduled more than two if the doctors suspected something was wrong with the baby, or your pregnancy was high risk. Given her history, Meredith's was deemed high risk, though.

"I don't even know where it came from, to be honest. Most of this came out of your mother's boxes, Meredith," Derek admitted. Meredith wasn't surprised to hear that Derek had discovered hidden treasures in her mother's boxes. He had, after all, gone through all of them. She'd gone through many of them as well, which is when she'd discovered the journals and tapes. She vaguely remembered coming across various medical equipment when she and Derek had unpacked several of her boxes from the old house.

"What do you know, it works," Nancy announced, sounding surprised that the machine actually functions. She prepared Amelia for ultrasound and it's not long before they hear a swish accompanied by the sound of a steady rhythm. Amelia breathed a sigh of relief. "Heartbeat's steady… Is that…"

"A murmur," Amelia finished. "He was diagnosed with congenital pulmonary stenosis at his first ultrasound almost four weeks ago."

"Ah," Nancy said. "That's not our biggest concern right now, then. We need to stop the labor. How are you feeling right now, Amelia?"

"Better, actually," Amelia answered. "I haven't had a contraction since I've been in here."

"That's good," Nancy said. "Often times, preterm labor at this stage can subside with bed rest. If you continue having contractions, I would say that you'll need a shot of magnesium sulfate. I think we should take you to the hospital just in case, because I'm guessing Derek doesn't have that in this house."

"Amelia!" a deep male voice interrupted from the bedroom doorway. "Oh, my God. Are you okay?" Owen entered the room accompanied by Kathleen.

"Where are Liz and the kids?" Derek asked.

"She's still outside with the kids," Kathleen answered. "This guy says he's a friend of Amelia's?"

"Actually, I'm Dr. Owen Hunt, the Chief of Surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial," Owen clarified. "Amelia and I are….friends." He looked warmly at Amelia, who was still uncovered on the bed. He didn't flinch, though. "Are you okay?" He bent over and grabbed her hand. Nancy locked eyes with Kathleen. The two sisters appeared to be reading the situation.

"Friends," Nancy mouthed, indicating that she had caught onto the fact that Owen and Amelia weren't _just _friends. Kathleen raised her eyebrows, suggesting the same. Amelia and Owen hadn't fooled them.

"I'm fine, really," Amelia assured him. "I was just having some contractions pretty close together when Meredith and Derek arrived home with my pack of sisters, one who happens to be an O.B. I guess they couldn't have had better timing, though I had _no _clue that my sisters were coming."

"Ah, your sisters. I was confused when I pulled up and saw two strangers playing outside with the kids. I thought I recognized the one that's still outside with them. She donated a nerve to Derek last year, right?"

"The suck up," Nancy confirmed. She takes her glove off and extends her right hand to shake Owen's hand. "I'm Nancy Shepherd, and that's Kathleen. How long have you been sleeping with my baby sister?"

Owen froze awkwardly, shocked by Nancy's accusation, despite the truth behind it. His face flushed bright red, and he let go of Amelia's hand. Amelia's jawline thinned.

"Well, you sure know how to make a situation awkward," Amelia groaned. "And this is the reason I haven't spoken to either of you in seven years. Always putting your noses where they don't belong. I mean, aside from the fact you both voiced that you wished I'd died."

"They what?" Owen mouthed.

"She's over-exaggerating," Nancy insisted.

"Actually, she's not," Kathleen confessed. "We did say that, Amelia. You're right, and you have every reason _not _to like us, but that's why we're here. We came to make things right. It's all history now, and we want to be there for you. We're a family, and Nancy and I would both do anything for you. Right, Nance?"

"Right," Nancy agreed. "And I shouldn't have said that, Dr. Hunt. My apologies. It was very, well, rude of me. I have a tendency of letting words escape my mouth before I have the time to process them in my brain."

"She has ADD," Kathleen said. "Individuals with Attention Deficit Disorder tend to struggle processing their thoughts, so they just, well, come out."

"If that's the case, then I think _all _my sisters have ADD," Derek laughed. The three that were in the room eyed Derek. "None of you have filters."

"They always teased me in LA because I don't filter," Amelia admitted.

"Yeah, well, back to the serious issue at hand. Amelia, have you been on your feet a lot lately? Have you been overworking?" Nancy interjected. Meredith couldn't tell if it was the concerned sister or the OB-GYN speaking.

"I only went back to work a few days ago," Amelia answered. "I, uh, had a hard time after James died, and Owen let me crash on his, uh, couch in his trailer."

"Trailer?" Nancy repeated.

"I rent Derek's trailer," Owen answered, sitting on the edge of the bed while gazing into Amelia's eyes.

"Oh." Nancy coughed, sneaking a glance at Kathleen. She had a look on her face like she wanted to say something, but for once, she didn't. Instead, Kathleen was the one who spoke up.

"You seem like you moved on pretty fast," Kathleen commented. Derek glared at Kathleen. "What? I'm just saying. Her boyfriend died, what, three weeks ago, and she's already…"

To possibly everyone's surprise, it was Nancy who cut in. "Kathleen, not now."

"I'm sorry," Kathleen said apologetically. "We really should take you to the hospital. Should we call an ambulance?"

"You should take my car. There's plenty of room, and it'll be faster," Meredith offered. "I can stay here with the kids."

"Mer, no. Please come," Amelia begged. "You're the only one who stop Cri—" She bit her lip, meeting eyes with Owen. Meredith knew what Amelia was saying. Amelia was apparently worried that Cristina would somehow jeopardize her health, especially considering Cristina was the original cardiac surgeon on Amelia's baby's case. Meredith glared at Owen, recalling her last actual phone conversation with Amelia regarding Owen. It was apparent that Amelia and Owen had talked since.

"You said the baby has been diagnosed with congenital pulmonary stenosis?" Nancy asked; Amelia nodded. "Well, I think we should bring Liz, just in case. She's the cardiac surgeon."

"I'll stay here with the kids," Kathleen volunteered. "It's no biggie, really. It's been a while since I've had little ones. It'll be fun."

"That's nice of you, Kathleen, but the kids barely know you." Given all that was happening, Meredith wasn't entirely comfortable with leaving another Shepherd sister alone with her children.

"They know me just as well as Amy, and you went to D.C. and left them with her," Kathleen pointed out.

"She has a point," Derek walked toward Meredith, placing his hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright to leave them with her. Amelia wants you with her."

Amelia nodded. "You're my sister, too."

"She likes you more than her own sisters. Cherish that," Kathleen mumbled in Meredith's ear, so Amelia couldn't hear her. Meredith's heart swelled, her eyes widened at Amelia, realizing what Kathleen had whispered in her ear seemed to be true. She found it difficult to be true, because she didn't think she was at all special, but Amelia had taken a special liking to Meredith. Meredith didn't feel like she had done anything special that warranted Amelia's trust, but for some reason, Amelia had chosen her to trust.

"Okay, there are too many people in here. Are you guys strong? Because I need one of you to carry Amelia to the car. I don't want her walking right now," Nancy spoke up.

"I can carry her," Derek offered. "Owen, help me get her off the bed."

Meredith and Kathleen left the bedroom as Derek and Owen prepared Amelia for transport to the car. She walked with Kathleen outside.

"Kathleen, look, I know you have good intention, and if I come off as bitchy…" Meredith felt bad for insisting Kathleen didn't know the kids well enough to watch them, as if Kathleen may have taken offense to the comment.

"You have every right to come off as bitchy," Kathleen assured her. "None of us have been particularly nice to you, ever. Honestly? I've felt horrible for some of the things I've said about you behind your back. It's why I went out of my way to be overly nice to you at Christmas. I know it's shallow of me. Honestly? I think you're a great person. Derek is lucky to have found you, and I'm glad Amelia trusts you. She needs people in her life that she can trust."

"Is this you being overly nice to my face to make up for calling me a slutty intern behind my back?" Meredith laughed. Kathleen looked confused. "Amelia told me that you coined the term _slutty intern_."

"Ah," Kathleen sighed. "I did. Not that I'm proud of it, now that I've had a chance to get to know you and see how happy you make my brother. But I wonder how _Amelia_ found out about that. I guess Liz or Addison mentioned it to her. As you've heard, we haven't been in touch in years. I feel horrible about it, honestly. Nancy and I both do."

"I can see that," Meredith acknowledged. "Look, I know Nancy means well too. I saw how genuinely worried she was about Amelia. It was sweet, really it was."

Kathleen nodded. "We're all worried about her. And I know you know more about what's been going on with her life than I do, and I'm not going to pry you for information. It's her business, and what Nancy and I said in there in front of what's his face – Owen, right? – was completely uncalled for. It's like Derek said. We all lack a filter."

"It's hard to filter sometimes," Meredith agreed, knowingly. "I'm not the best at it myself. I have my good days and bad days."

It was one of those rare moments in Seattle when the sun was shining. As they exited the house, Zola instantly jumped off the swing and ran toward Meredith. The little girl's face lit up. "Is Auntie Amy tummy ache better?" Zola asked.

"It is," Meredith smiled, bending down to scoop up her daughter. "But your daddy and aunts are going to take her to the hospital just in case, to make sure her baby is okay. Mommy's gonna go with them, and you're going to stay here with your Auntie Kate."

"AKA your coolest aunt," Kathleen grinned widely at the three-year-old. Zola didn't look so convinced, though.

"I like Auntie Amy bestest," the little girl announced.

Kathleen frowned and sulked like her feelings had been hurt.

"Don't take it too personally. She goes back and forth between her favorite parent too. The other day it was Derek and then it was me. She can never make up her mind," Meredith laughed. "Right, Lovebug?"

"Auntie Amy is the bestest aunt," Zola said, squirming in Meredith's arms. Meredith let the three-year-old down. She ran toward her slide, and climbed up the light blue steps then giggled as she slid down the purple slide.

Liz walked toward them with Bailey in her arms. Bailey babbled happily when he saw his mother.

"What's going on with Amelia? Is she in labor?" Liz asked.

"Nancy thinks the contractions can be stopped with bed rest, but she wants to take her to the hospital just to be on the safe side. She wants you to come with us," Meredith explained.

"What? Why? I can stay here with the kids," Liz offered.

Meredith sighed. "Amelia's baby has congenital pulmonary stenosis. Nancy thought you could be of use, just in case."

"Oh," Liz's eyes widened. "Yeah, uh, of course I'll come, though I don't know what good I'll be. It's not like they're going to let me operate on my own sister. I hope Nancy knows that once she steps inside a hospital they're not going to let her touch Amelia."

"This is Nancy we're talking about," Kathleen noted. "She can be pretty persistent."

"Right, well," Liz sighed, handing the baby to Kathleen. "Let's go."

Meredith gave both of her children quick kisses and headed with Liz toward the car.

"So, uh, how's Amelia handling us being here?" Liz prompted Meredith for conversation as they walked around the house. The vehicles were on the other side of the house, so fortunately they hadn't needed to carry Amelia out in front of the children. Meredith wasn't prepared to answer more questions from Zola.

"She's in shock," was all Meredith said. "I really don't know how else you expected her to be."

"Right, well, none of us expected her to be in this condition when we arrived, either. At least we know that we didn't bring on the labor. She was already having contractions before we arrived, because I would've felt pretty shitty if we caused it," Liz sighed. "I didn't even know she was pregnant. How didn't I know?"

"She's been pretty secretive about it," Meredith said. "I wouldn't beat yourself up."

"I'm not. I just thought we were on the right foot. We'd been talking more online recently. She told me about James, though she was so brief about the whole thing. I thought something sounded off. You're sure she hasn't relapsed? I know drugs can cause preterm labor."

"I don't think she's relapsed," Meredith said. It'd been many years since she'd been involved with drugs. Many of her college friends had done drugs, leading her to experiment as well. To Meredith's knowledge, Amelia hadn't exhibited any of the symptoms. Her drug of choice had been Oxycodone, which was readily available at the hospital and she could write her own scripts, if she wanted. Meaning, she could start using again without Meredith or Derek's knowledge.

Amelia, though, seemed genuinely concerned about the baby she was carrying. Why would she risk putting the baby in danger? Meredith didn't know Amelia well enough to know the answer to that question, though, technically.

_No, _Meredith thought. She'd spent time with Amelia. She would have noticed a sign if Amelia was using again. Amelia had clearly been depressed, but she'd been under Owen's watch. Of course, Owen hadn't been with her at all times. She'd spent time alone at his trailer. She wasn't practicing medicine, then, either.

Meredith didn't know what to think now. The Shepherds were messing with her head.

"You said you don't think, meaning you don't know for sure, then?" Liz noted.

"I-I don't know," Meredith stammered hesitantly as they approached the vehicle.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, my main point this chapter was to show that all the Shepherd sisters have redeeming qualities. I'm so sorry for the delay. I've resurrected Love Never Dies, since we're getting so close to the premiere. Though, I have to say, it was weird writing Derek in this chapter after writing him in LND, because I feel like they're two different Dereks. I like Derek in this story much better. :)**


	49. Chapter 49

Traffic was heavy due to construction in the right lane that led to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, and unfortunately, there wasn't an alternate route. Owen had taken off before the others, though. Derek had explained to Meredith and Lizzie that Owen would get Amelia a room set up, so she didn't have to go through the standard admittance process.

"I am _not _going into the Emergency Room!" Amelia declared. "I'm just not. The last thing I want to be is the talk of the hospital. I mean, everyone already hates me."

"You're being over dramatic, Amy. Everyone doesn't _hate _you." Derek didn't take his eyes off the road as he spoke to his sister, who was right behind him in the middle back seat. They had set up her comfortably with a pillow behind her. Lizzie and Nancy had crawled to the back so Amelia could put her legs up on the spare seat.

"What's new, Derek?" Lizzie laughed. "Amelia always was a drama queen." Meredith could see Lizzie's facetious smile from the reflection in the car's rearview mirror.

"Besides, how could anyone hate you, little sis?" Nancy challenged; Meredith watched from the mirror as Nancy patted Amelia's static, messy hair.

"Oh, will you _shut up_?" Amelia quipped. "After all, I'm sure that you're the queen of my haters, Nancy. You're only being nice to me because...well, to be honest, I'm not sure why you're being nice to me, because there's really no gain for you. Maybe because you don't want Derek to rip your head off, but that never stopped you before."

Nancy sighed woefully. "No credit. She gives me no credit." Nancy referred to her little sister in the third person. "Derek, do you think it's ever crossed Amelia's mind that _maybe _I'm being nice to her because she's my sister and I love her?"

"Doubtful, because she's right. You've never given her a reason to trust you or think that you love her," Derek pointed out blankly. "I, for one, don't blame her for giving you no credit."

"Thank you, Derek," Amelia sighed.

"Fine. Okay. I get it," Nancy mumbled. She slowly exhaled a breath of air.. "But I'm trying here. I really am. Doesn't that count for something? Amelia, you really need to calm down. It's not good for you, it's not good for the baby, especially given the circumstances, and you know that. I'm sorry that I chose to come to Seattle just as you happened to be going into preterm labor. I certainly didn't plan that, and you can't blame me for it, because you were already having contractions before Kathleen, Liz, and I walked in the door. You need to calm down."

"I haven't had a contraction in...Oh, shit," Amelia moaned loudly. Meredith turned her head to see Amelia gripping her stomach. She was clearly having another contraction. She clenched tightly onto her belly. Nancy unfastened her seatbelt and leaned forward.

"Breathe, Amelia. We're almost to the hospital, okay?" Nancy said calmly.

"Oh, Jesus. This can't be happening!" Amelia bellowed. "I can't have him now. I can't." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"We're going to get you a shot. You're going to be fine, and so will your baby," Nancy assured her, stroking through Amelia's strands of straight, dark hair. "Change the subject," Nancy barked. "Distract her, okay? Change the damn subject!"

"Um...okay," Derek mumbled. Traffic was at a standstill. Meredith could sense annoyance and worry in her husband's eyes. He glanced toward her, seeking guidance.

"So, um, Liz," Meredith stumbled for words to make conversation. "What made you decide to go into Cardio? Because you're so good with kids. I would have guessed you'd do something in relation to Peds." It was the truth. Lizzie did not fit the stereotype of the cardiac surgeon that Meredith had come to know. According to Cristina, cardiac surgeons were sharks. Lizzie didn't seem shark-material to Meredith. She was kid-obsessed. Meredith remembered when she'd first met Lizzie in person. Some of the first words out of her mouth were requests for baby pictures. She was always calling to ask what size the kids were. She'd given Zola and Bailey bags of clothes for Christmas.

"_I have every size, in both boys' and girls' clothing," _Lizzie had told them at Christmas_, "so there's plenty more where those came from." _When they'd first adopted Zola, she'd sent a box full of cutesy dresses. Lizzie was overzealous when it came to children. She was no Cristina Yang or Erica Hahn or Virginia Dixon.

"Well, I wanted to," Lizzie answered. "I actually set out to be a pediatric surgeon. I, uh, spent most of my residency in Peds, well, until my fourth year. I had a patient, a little girl, who presented with a tender mass in her abdomen region. She was the sweetest girl; her name was Autumn. She had dark brown hair and the most gorgeous bright blue eyes. She actually reminded me a bit of Amelia when she was younger, and she was only a couple years older than my oldest daughter Leah was at the time. Maybe that's why I grew attached to her. Let's just say surgery didn't go as planned, and that's when I decided I wasn't going to specialize in Peds. It was too close to home. I'm a mom. I love kids too much. Working with sick kids is too hard."

"Yet, you're always talking about how the hospital pages you with Peds' cardio patients," Nancy pointed out.

"They do," Lizzie admitted, "because I'm good with them, and I can calm them down when others can't. I still prefer working with adults. Obviously it's never easy to lose patients."

"It always surprises me that you chose surgery," Nancy confessed. "I always thought you'd become a pediatrician."

"I thought about it too," Lizzie admitted. "I don't regret my choice, though. I'm happy with my choice, and that's all that matters. You can't possibly understand the euphoria that goes through your body as you're holding a human heart in your hand. It's better than drugs. Not that I'd know, but..."

"Uh-hem," Amelia coughed.

"I didn't mean…" Liz mumbled.

"I get it," Amelia said bitterly.

"How are you feeling, Amy?" Derek cut in as they were approaching the hospital. Derek circled around the hospital, entering from the back end. Amelia had been insistent on not entering through the E.R., so Derek approached a backdoor that would hopefully allow them to take Amelia into the hospital without being spotted by too many eyes.

"Contraction-free for now," Amelia answered.

Owen was waiting for them by the door, gripping onto the handles of a wheelchair. Derek pulled the car up so the backdoor was parallel to Owen. Nancy pulled opened the side door and began helping Owen get Amelia into the wheelchair. "Okay, all set," Nancy said as soon as Amelia was in the wheelchair. "Let's go." She exchanged glances with Lizzie, Meredith and Derek, who were still in the vehicle.

"Room 203 is clear. I've already paged O.B.," Owen said.

"Um, hello, you have an O.B. right here." Nancy waved her arms.

"You don't have privileges in this hospital, and you're her sister. You can't be her doctor too. You know that." Owen's voice was stern and straight-forward.

"Like I said," Lizzie mumbled under her breath.

"I'm going to say this once, and I hope I make myself clear. Meredith is the _only _one here who has doctors' rights when it comes to Amelia.. Got it? The rest of you are her siblings. Do I make myself clear?" Owen exchanged glances with Derek, Lizzie, and Nancy. His eyes then fixated on Derek. He repeated, "Do I make myself clear?"

"I know the hospital policy, Owen. You don't need to look at me," Derek replied, shrugging his shoulders.

Nancy rolled her eyes as Amelia let out another groan.

"Okay, as her sister, we need to go. Now," Nancy demanded. Owen gripped onto the wheelchair and began wheeling Amelia toward the hospital. Nancy ran after.

"Go with her," Derek looked at Lizzie. "Make sure she heard what Owen said. I'll be in soon. I have to park the car." He eyed Meredith. "You should go, too. You heard Owen. You're the only one who has a say…"

"I'm not an O.B.," Meredith pointed out. "I haven't even told him that I'm switching specialties. I don't see why he even said that."

"You're switching specialties?" Lizzie asked. "To what?"

"Lizzie, you should go. I'll come in with Derek. We'll be right behind you," Meredith told her sister-in-law. Lizzie sighed, then nodded. She exited the vehicle and trudged after Owen, Nancy, and Amelia. Meanwhile, Derek slowly moved the car in the direction of the parking lot. Meredith let out a repugnant sigh once the car was free of Derek's sisters.

"You okay?" Derek asked. He took his right hand off the wheel and reached for her left hand. He grabbed her fingers and folded her frigid fingers into his warm hand. The warmth radiated throughout her body.

"Yeah, I guess," she sighed. "I just...this isn't where I saw our day going." She had planned to go home, hug and kiss her kids, take a long, hot shower, and then go to the hospital to tell Hunt that she wanted to apply for a Neuro fellowship. She'd then planned to check on Izzie, contact Blake's case worker, and hopefully find out if there was a chance that she and Derek could foster Blake. Clearly, nothing had gone as planned.

"The sisters at the airport part or the Amy part?" Derek laughed.

"Both." Meredith's eyes widened.

"I know she can be annoying, but it's probably a good thing Nancy is here. She and Amelia may not be on the best terms, but Nancy's an O.B. and she's good at what she does," Derek defended his older sister.

"We didn't start off on the best foot, either, so it's weird," Meredith confessed. "But she has a good heart. At least I think she does. Why didn't you ever tell Amelia that you showed her off when she was a baby?"

"What?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, that's what Nancy told Amelia anyway. Amelia looked pretty surprised, so I'm guessing she never knew," Meredith said as Derek pulled between two yellow lines. He shifted the car into park.

"Nancy told Amy that, huh?" Derek asked. "Really? Wow, well, I guess I kind of forgot. I was seven when Amy was born." He grinned, shaking his head. "I remember really wanting a brother, since I was already surrounded by women. You don't always get what you want, though. Then I saw Amy, and I decided that I was going to be her guardian. I was going to make sure that nothing bad happened to her." He look blankly out the windshield and mouthed, "I failed."

Meredith gazed at Derek, who then turned his head slowly toward her. She noticed a glistening in his grand blue orbs. "Derek, no you didn't," Meredith said softly. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "You didn't fail, because she's here. She chose you to come to for help. You are her guardian." She softly kissed Derek's cheek, his stubble brushed against her lips. Normally, she would tell him he needed to shave, but given the circumstances, she bit her lip. "Let's go before your sisters get you banished from the hospital," she whispered in his ear teasingly. A brief smile escaped Derek's lips.

"Have I told you that I love you recently?" Derek whispered in her ear, the warmth from his breath brushed against her eardrum, sending a riveting shiver down her spine. He kissed her forehead. His hand tenderly swept across her cheek. Butterflies fluttered into her stomach. She found it amazing that after all this time, Derek still gave her butterflies.

"I don't think so," she responded teasingly. "But I love you, too."

They exited the car. Derek grabbed her hand again and guided her toward the hospital entrance. "You never cease to amaze me," he said softly. "Thanks for dealing with my sisters."

"It's not like I have a choice," Meredith laughed. "I guess it's the price I have to pay for marrying you." She wrapped her arm around his back and he pulled her close.

* * *

><p>"What room did Owen say again?" Derek asked as they walked through the main entrance.<p>

"203," Meredith said. "Should I change into scrubs? Just in case?"

"Good idea," Derek nodded. "I'll head to the room to check on Amy and to make sure there hasn't been any damage done yet."

He let go of her hand, but before he could take off, a voice interrupted. "Well, you're alive!" Cristina's voice blared. Derek froze. "If it isn't the happy McDreamy's. Thanks for calling to let me know you were back, Mer."

"Uh...we just got back," Meredith stumbled for words, preferring to withhold the fact that Amelia had been admitted to the hospital. She was certain that Cristina was the last person that Amelia wanted to know about her situation.

"Going now," Derek mouthed to Meredith.

"Hold up, McDreamy. Did Mer talk to you about the Alex-Blake situation?" Cristina called after Derek. He froze again.

"We talked about it," Meredith said. "Jo texted me the contact information this morning, but my phone's dead and it's at home." _And they had problems of their own to face. _She thought it was weird that Cristina had taken on such an interest to her and Derek fostering Blake. "Since when are you so interested in this kid?"

"I'm not," Cristina retorted. "I just happen to live with Alex, and if he's suffering, that means I'm suffering too. I thought you'd want to help."

"Well, what are you going to do when Alex gets custody of his son and kicks you out?" Meredith asked.

"Can I go?" Derek was mouthing. Meredith nodded, signaling for him to go, and Derek dashed off while he could.

"What's going on with you two?" Cristina asked, following Meredith as she headed toward the laundry area to pick up a fresh pair of scrubs.

"Huh?" Meredith was confused.

"You and McDreamy. He had his big, worried McDreamy face on. So?"

"Cristina," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Wait, are you mad at me again?" Cristina asked, walking slower, falling behind Meredith.

Meredith sighed. She stopped and turned toward Cristina. "I'm not mad _at _you," she said adamantly, clearing her throat. "I'm just a little annoyed with how you've been treating Amelia lately, okay? I know she's dating Owen, and you're still in love with him and the notion that Owen could possibly move on…"

"Wait a minute." Cristina crossed her arms. "You think that I have a problem with Owen moving on?"

"It's clear you do, because you're treating Amelia like she's trash…"

"Look, I don't have a problem with Owen moving on. I didn't have a problem with Emma," Cristina insisted.

"Okay, so it's just Amelia you have a problem with," Meredith shrugged.

"I don't want him to get hurt again," Cristina sighed, her face froze. "And she just seems like the type of person that could hurt him. I know we're done. I've known that for a while. It's not about that." She sighed. "And you're right. I don't have a say. He's an adult. He needs to make his own decisions. I'll back off her, okay?"

"Good," Meredith said. "That's all I ask."

"Right now, all I care about is Alex. You've been gone for two days. You weren't here when Blake was taken away, Mer. He's a mess, and you're the only one who can help him," Cristina sighed, shaking her head. Her brown eyes twinkled. Meredith sensed real sincerity on Cristina Yang's face.

Meredith nodded. "Okay. I will."

"I'm the one who got the number for Jo, so I can get it for you again," Cristina insisted.

"Text it to Derek's phone. I have it on me," Meredith said, turning away from Cristina, looking down the hallway toward the laundry area. "I have to go."

"So, you're not going to tell me what you and Derek are up to?" Cristina prodded.

"There's nothing to tell," Meredith replied simply, walking away.

* * *

><p>She was not expecting to run into Cristina Yang fifteen minutes later as she was walking toward room 203. Meredith was now fully dressed in fresh navy blue scrubs and was enjoying the clean, lingering scent of whatever laundry detergent the hospital used. She'd never bothered paying too much attention to laundry detergent brands. She personally bought whatever first caught her eye. She loved the scent of lavender, so she was partial to lavender-scented everything. The hospital scrubs weren't flowery scented, though. In fact, she didn't know exactly how to describe the scent of the hospital scrubs - other than that they smelled like "fresh scrubs." It was a pleasing, relaxing smell.<p>

"We meet again," Cristina announced. They were two rooms down from Amelia's room.

"We do. Uh, what are you doing on the O.B. floor?" Meredith asked hesitantly.

"I could ask you the same question," Cristina shrugged. Her eyes widened. "You're pregnant after all, aren't you? That's why you and Derek were acting weird earlier."

"No, Cristina!" Meredith immediately gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth. "I am _not _pregnant. If I were pregnant, I would tell you. I promise."

"You lied last time you were pregnant," shrugged Cristina. "But I knew anyway. I knew before you told me. So…"

"You didn't say anything. Me choosing not to tell you wasn't _lying_. It was just withholding information until I was ready to tell people. Had you asked me, I wouldn't have denied it," Meredith pointed out. "When I'm pregnant again, I won't deny it, okay?" The words escaped her lips before her brain could process what she was saying. _When_, she swallowed, having a hard time believing that the word had escaped her mouth.

"Oh, so you are thinking about having another baby, then!" Cristina mused. She widened her eyes.

"Assuming I can even get pregnant again. Remember, hostile uterus?" Meredith clarified.

"Right, but Derek has magic McDreamy sperm, remember? And to answer your question, my patient is pregnant and has Ischaemic Heart Disease," Cristina sighed.

"Oh," Meredith mouthed. "Oh no," she mumbled, watching as Lizzie and a frazzled-looking Nancy appeared.

"You can't kick me out!" Nancy was bellowing intrusively.

"Nance," Lizzie was saying quietly, seeming to try to calm her sister down. She grabbed her sister's arm and pulled her away from room 203. "Calm down."

"Who does that wannabe O.B. think she is?" Nancy sniped, turning around. "She's just a baby O.B." Then she looked up, seeing Meredith. Cristina had turned toward the Shepherd sisters.

"Hey, isn't that McBitchy?" Cristina whispered in Meredith's ear, repeating the nickname Izzie had given Nancy during her first visit to Seattle.

"Um, what did you just call me?" Nancy's eyes narrowed on Cristina.

"We met last time I was here, right? You're Dr. Yang. Cardio, right?" Lizzie walked toward Cristina and extended her arm, taking Cristina by surprise, and she shook Cristina's hand.

"The one who donated the nerve so Derek could be a neuro god again," Cristina acknowledged. "Mer, you didn't tell me the rest of the Shepherd spawn were in town. Are they all moving to Seattle too?"

"We're just visiting and checking in on our baby sis," Lizzie confirmed.

"Wait, Amelia's in the hospital?" Cristina asked, looking at Meredith. Meredith neglected to make eye contact with Cristina. Instead, her eyes were focused on Nancy, who was glaring at Cristina.

"Did you call me _McBitchy_?" Nancy shot. "I don't mind people calling me a bitch, but considering I don't even _know _you…"

"She's Meredith's twisted sister, remember, Nance?" Lizzie stated. She turned to Meredith and Cristina. "Derek talks about you a lot. Is it true that you have slumber parties with Derek in the bed?"

"Uh...yeah," Cristina confirmed.

"You know, I think that's great. I always wanted a best girl friend. Well, I had three sisters. Never had many female friends. Believe it or not, I was the tomboy of the family," Lizzie laughed.

"Wait, does Derek say I'm a bitch?" Nancy asked, still bothered by the _McBitchy _comment.

"It's, uh, the nickname my friends gave you when you were here the first time," Meredith said, then added, "I had _no _part in it, but uh, can you really blame them?"

"Oh," Nancy's mouth rounded in an _O_. "That makes sense, then. I guess I was slightly _McBitchy_. By the way, I know all about the _Mc_ thing. Addison told me about it. By the way, I've always wondered: Whose idea was it to nickname Derek _McDreamy_?"

"That would be me," Cristina confirmed. "Fits him well, too."

"He hates it, though, right?" Nancy asked.

"Does he? I don't know," Cristina shrugged carelessly.

"So, uh, how'd you get kicked out?" Meredith wasn't sure why she dared to ask.

"How do you think?" Lizzie laughed. "Nancy wanted to argue over the treatment plan."

Cristina's phone buzzed. "Crap," she mouthed. "I have a pregnant woman who needs heart surgery, and no obstetricians are available. I can't go in without someone monitoring the baby."

"No obstetricians are available?" Nancy asked, her eyes widened like she was a little kid and her parents were dangling a lollipop in front of her face. "Well, lucky for you. You're looking at one."

"You heard Owen. You don't have privileges in this hospital," Lizzie told Nancy.

Cristina eyed Meredith.

"Is Owen with Amelia?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Nancy and Lizzie answered at the same time. Nancy muttered something under her breath, but Meredith couldn't make it out, nor did she really want to hear it, since it was probably something snide.

"I'll see what I can do," Meredith offered, beginning to step toward the room.

"No," Cristina cut in. "I'll ask." She took Meredith by surprise. Meredith nodded. Together, they entered Amelia's room.

"Mer, there you…" Amelia's face froze. "Will someone tell me what she is doing here?"

Derek and Owen were each on opposite sides of Amelia, Derek on her left and Owen on her right. An O.B. resident in light pink scrubs was looking at her iPad. It wasn't the same resident who had missed the murmur. Meredith read the name on her white coat: _Dr. O'Connor. _Meredith had heard about her. She had been two years below Meredith, so that made her a fifth year resident. She would soon take her boards.

Both Derek and Owen looked equally confused by Cristina's presence.

"I'm not here to cause problems," Cristina insisted. "I just need a quick favor from you, Owen."

Meredith cocked her head and saw Nancy peeking in the room.

Dr. O'Connor, a plump, blond-haired woman with bright blue eyes, glared at her. "I told her to leave."

"She's here for me. She won't cause you any more problems," Cristina insisted, then eyed Owen. "Look, you've moved on. That's fine. I'm happy for you, really, and I hope all goes well." Sincerity was present in Cristina's voice as she locked eyes with Owen. "Right now, I have a pregnant woman who needs surgery and I don't have an O.B. available, and you just happen to have one standing in the hallway. I need you to give her privileges."

"You want me to give Nancy Shepherd privileges in this hospital?" Owen questioned.

Cristina glanced at Amelia, but she didn't say anything. Meredith could tell what she was thinking, though. She composed herself, even though she was thinking about how Owen had given Amelia privileges at Grey Sloan Memorial without any doubts.

"This isn't about me. This isn't about you. It's not about Amelia. It's about two innocent lives, Owen," Cristina said compassionately.

"Okay," Owen said. "Okay, Nancy can have privileges in this hospital."

"Thank you, O-Chief Hunt," Cristina adjusted her shoulders. Meredith could tell that Cristina was desperately trying to stay professional in this instance. Cristina walked out of the room.

Lizzie poked her head through the doorway. "Can I have privileges too? I wouldn't mind scrubbing in for this one, either."

"Why don't I just give everyone with the last name Shepherd privileges in this hospital?" Owen asked with a satirical laugh, rolling his eyes.

"Sounds good to me," Lizzie glowed, and she disappeared.

Owen sighed, looking at Derek. "Derek, your sisters are a piece of work."

"Hey," Amelia frowned, lightly slapping Owen on the hand.

"So, you're okay?" Meredith asked Amelia, joining Derek's side. He wrapped his arm around her and she leaned into his armpit.

"I think so," Amelia nodded, looking at Dr. O'Connor.

Dr. O'Connor looked up from her iPad. "The scans look good, and you haven't had a contraction since we've given you the shot. Of course, we'll have to monitor you for 48 hours. Then you'll want to take it easy for the remainder of your pregnancy. No surgery."

"No surgery?" Amelia gasped. "You're kidding, right?"

"Definitely no surgery. You're going to have to stay off your feet if you want a healthy baby. Women who go into preterm labor once are more likely to go into it again. You're lucky that you got here when you did. Babies at twenty-four weeks only have a fifty percent chance of survival. Those rates increase to seventy-five percent at twenty-six weeks. With proper care, there's no reason why you shouldn't make it close to full-term. Your baby is otherwise healthy. I'm looking at your chart, and at twenty weeks your baby was diagnosed with congenital pulmonary stenosis. I also noticed that you have a history with drug and alcohol abuse…"

"What does that have to do with my baby's heart condition? The causes for this condition is unknown," Amelia stated, resting her hands on her belly. "I'm clean. I had a slip up with alcohol a few months ago, but I went straight back to AA. I haven't touched narcotics in two years."

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Amelia. I'm just asking. Sometimes the use of narcotics can lead to preterm labor…"

"You think I'm using again, don't you? You're wrong!" Amelia barked. "Get out."

"Amelia…"

"Get out!" Amelia cried.

"You, uh, might want to go," Owen instructed Dr. O'Connor, wrapping his arm around Amelia's shoulder, stroking her hair. "Go."

"Can I have a word with you in private, Chief Hunt?" Dr. O'Connor asked.

Owen sighed and nodded. "I'll be right back." He kissed Amelia's hairline and followed Dr. O'Connor out of the room.

Amelia was crying. She curled her lip under her teeth.

"Amelia, you need to calm down. Stressing yourself out isn't good for the baby," Meredith said calmly. It was a tad ironic, since it was only a few days ago that Amelia was treating her for _her _stress problems.

"I'm sick of it," Amelia spat. Meredith let go of Derek and took the side where Owen had been. "Everyone always thinks I'm using, even when I'm clean. I can't catch a break, ever. Even you two...I see how you're looking at me right now. Even you, Mer. I thought I could trust you. I thought you wouldn't judge me."

"I'm not judging you, Amelia," Meredith assured her. She wasn't judgmental, well, unless you were strongly Republican. She hated Republicans.

"Then why do you think I'm using again?" Amelia cried. "You both do, don't you?"

"I don't know about Meredith, Amy, but I think you're clean," Derek said. "You wouldn't intentionally try to harm your baby."

"I agree," Meredith said. "I believe you, Amelia. We both do." She eyed Derek, wondering if Derek really did believe his sister. She sensed sincerity on his face. He was telling the truth. He believed her.

Meredith hated to admit that Lizzie had made her second guess herself earlier. If Derek thought Amelia was clean, so did Meredith.

"Or you're both lying to make me feel better," Amelia spat. She shrugged. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Test me. Test me right now. Give me a cup."

"Amy," Derek said quietly.

"Don't Amy me! I'm not your five-year-old sister anymore. Call me Amelia like the rest of the world!" Amelia cried.

Derek laughed. A twinkle was present in his eye. "I've called you Amy for over thirty-seven years, you know? Do you know how you got your nickname?" Amelia's face showed that she didn't. "Well, Mom had just had you, and we were all waiting in the waiting room. Dad came out to tell us that you were here, and that we had another sister. I asked Dad what your name was, and he told us it was Amelia. I laughed and told him I hated the name Amelia, so I was going to call you Amy. I hadn't met you yet, but I'd decided your name was going to be Amy."

"That's real bold of you," Amelia stated. "Telling our parents that you hate my name, I mean. And I thought I was the one with no filter."

"Filters don't run in our family," Derek acknowledged.

"That they don't," Amelia nodded, "but judginess does. All three of them think I'm hopped up on drugs, don't they? Kathleen, Nancy, and Elizabeth. I thought Liz and I were okay, but I see the way she looks at me now too..."

"To be fair, they haven't seen you in years, Amy," Derek said. "The last time you spoke to them in person, you were on your way to rehab after I revived you. You weren't in the best place then."

"I'm an outsider here, but from what I can tell, they care very much about you," Meredith pointed out.

Owen's voice erupted in the hallway. "You know what? You're wrong. You don't know Amelia. I do. So, why don't you mind your own damn business? I'll find another doctor to observe her. I'm the chief, and I'm ordering you to stay away from her." His voice roared through the walls. Then he stormed back into the room, meeting the three sets of eyes looking at him. "You all heard that. Amelia, I'm so, so sorry."

Meredith bit her lip, but clearly Owen was no better than Nancy at making decisions in regards to Amelia's health at this point. Even though she figured Owen had a point, it had been unprofessional of him to go off on the O.B. resident like she had. After all, the resident was just covering her bases.

"You don't have to be," Amelia shook her head. She'd calmed down. "I get it, I do. Everyone always thinks a junkie has relapsed. I should be used to by now. All you have to do is test me. It's whatever."

"I trust you, Amelia," Owen said. "I've seen it all, and I know what addicts look like when they're using. I know you're sober."

"Everyone outside of this room doesn't, though," Amelia said, "and I'm so tired of it. So, so tired. I was hoping things would be different in Seattle, but clearly my problems have just followed me here. At least my three evil sisters didn't follow me to L.A. I don't know. Maybe there's nowhere for me in the world. I'll always be a misfit."

"That's not true, Amelia," Owen contradicted. "Seattle is your home now, and people will trust you. You just have to prove them wrong."

"Owen's right," Derek agreed. "I'll be the first to admit that I didn't trust you, Amy, but I'm trying now. Give us a chance to earn your trust."

Amelia exhaled slowly, nodding.

"The only way change happens is if you make it happen," Meredith pointed out confidently. She looked up at the clock on the wall. It was just a little past noon. Meredith ignored the rumbling in her stomach. "Speaking of which… what's the latest on Izzie?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't know how I feel about this chapter, but I was long overdue to update. So, don't be shy, let me know what you think. **


	50. Chapter 50

After she learned from Amelia that Izzie was still in the hospital, chained in cuffs to her hospital bed, Meredith knew she needed to see Izzie. She left Amelia's room, leaving her with Derek and Owen, and found her way to Izzie's hospital room. However, Meredith wasn't expecting to find _him _pacing the floor outside Izzie's room.

Alex.

His bleak composure made Meredith feel for him. He stood warily outside the room, pacing the floor with his eyes pointed downward. Alex looked up and locked eyes with Meredith.

"Didn't know you were back," he mumbled harshly.

"Yeah, well, I just got back," she said. She glanced towards door to the room; she wasn't within a reasonable angle to look inside the room, though. "Are you okay?"

"What do you know?" he grumbled.

"That you're a wreck and blaming Izzie again," Meredith sighed, recollecting her conversations with Jo and Cristina. They were right. He was a wreck. She could tell just by looking at him. She'd never seen Alex quite like this before. He looked so sad, hurt, and confused, and she didn't blame him. He had every right to be all of the above.

He clenched his fists together. "I'm not a freaking wreck," Alex snapped. "I don't know what Cristina told you, but I'm not a wreck."

Meredith sighed, moving closer to Alex. She reached out to place her hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away from her. "Look, Cristina and Jo…"

"You talked to Jo, too?" Alex brushed away from her, scoffing. He was silent as he stared aimlessly. She stood still, studying him. He seemed to be lost in thought. Finally, he took a deep breath, "I feel like I'm losing her, Mer."

She raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out which _her _Alex was referring to. She was now at an angle which allowed her to see inside Izzie's room. Izzie's wrists were cuffed to the bed. Her ached dully, thinking how unfair this was. Izzie didn't deserve this. No one was more compassionate than Izzie Stevens. She would never intentionally harm a soul, not even a fly. She had gone out of her way to steal a heart for Denny DuQuette. She had even gone out of her way to save a deer for a little boy. This was Izzie, the woman who had once filled her house with the delectable scent of fresh baked goods. She wasn't a criminal. She wasn't a bad person. She'd just had a brain tumor, and that wasn't her fault. Izzie hadn't asked for any of this.

"Alex," Meredith said quietly.

"It's not freaking fair," Alex sighed. "I-I still love her, Meredith."

Meredith knew who _her _was now.

"I never stopped loving her. She was my first love," Alex confessed.

"I know, Alex. I know. You never forget your first love. It's perfectly normal," Meredith said. "It's why you've been so hard on her. She hurt you, and you're allowed to be upset. But, Alex, you know she didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"I can't forgive her," Alex declared. "I'll never forgive her. I know it wasn't all her fault. Izzie fucking Stevens would never steal a car and all that other crap. And I was an idiot for getting child services involved. I caused her to run. But I don't care what anyone says. There's no excuse for not telling a man that he has a child. She can't blame the tumor on that. She was fully aware of what she was doing, and I can't forgive her for that."

"Okay, Alex," Meredith said softly, reaching for his buff shoulder. This time, he didn't pull away.

"My dad was never part of my life," Alex said. "He didn't give a rat's ass out me, and now Blake thinks I don't care about him. He thinks I abandoned him. He's going to hate me, just like I hate my dad."

"Alex Karev, you are _not _your father," Meredith adamantly insisted. "And Blake adores you. You saw how excited he was when he found out you were his dad."

"Yeah, well, while you were drinking martinis with the President of the United States with Derek, child services took my son away in front of my eyes. You weren't here when he _begged _for me to help him, to not let him go, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. You weren't here when I told him he had to go with the social worker, and he asked if I didn't love him enough to keep him. You can't possibly know what that feels like, Meredith. Yeah, whatever, you had Zola taken away from you. But it's not the same thing. She's not your flesh and blood. This kid is half me, and he thinks I don't love him. You have no goddamn idea what that feels like." He crossed his arms together and stomped across the hall. He leaned his forehead into the wall and pushed against the wall.

Her heart stung, realizing Alex was right. She'd thought losing Zola was the worst feelings in the world. She'll never forget what that felt like. It had been, when she would describe as, one of the worst feelings she'd ever experienced. Zola wasn't her blood, but she'd grown attached to her so fast. She'd been scared to grow attach to Zola. Meredith remembered how terrified she'd been, before shit with Derek had hit the fan over the trial, that the adoption agency wouldn't like her and wouldn't see her fit to be Zola's mother. Growing attached to Zola had been scary, because she'd been afraid of losing her from the beginning. Then her worst fear became a reality, and she instantly had regretted growing attached to that precious little girl.

It had all worked out in her and Derek's favor, though. Now they had a healthy three-year-old daughter.

"Okay," she said calmly. "Alex, it's all gonna work out."

"News flash, Mer: Just because your life works out, doesn't mean _mine _works out. Did you know I talked to the freaking judge for you when you lost Zola? That's probably the only reason you got her back."

"What?" She was confused.

"I blamed myself, because I was the one who ratted you out and crap, so I was the reason drama blew up with you and Shepherd, and the reason you lost your job setting off red flags. I blamed myself, but you're the idiot who messed with the trial in the first place. I don't know why I blamed myself. You got yourself into that mess. It was going to come out sooner or later. I just made it sooner."

"Alex…" Meredith bit her lip; her heart throbbed painfully at Alex's rehash of old wounds as she recollected woeful, obtrusive pain she'd gone through during that time period. She then blurted out without a second thought, "Derek and I are going to try to foster Blake."

He froze. "You what?" His jaw dropped, seeming to be at a loss for words.

"I haven't called the caseworker yet, so I shouldn't even be telling you this, but yes. We're both licensed foster and adoptive parents because we had to go through the classes when we adopted Zola. I don't know if they'll let us foster him, but it's worth a try. It's better he's with us than some stranger, right?"

Alex appeared to be at a loss for words. Finally, he said, "You don't have to do that."

Meredith scoffed. "_Of course _I don't have to, but I want to. It's the right thing to do, and this way you'll be able to see him whenever you want. We'll have to comply with the state regulations, and like I said, I don't know if they'll allow it since I'm so close to you, though I do know often times they prefer to place kids with family members. I'm the closest thing you have to family here, Alex." And she reached out and wrapped her tiny arms around his thick waist. "I'm here for you."

He wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug.

"Mer," a hoarse voice interrupted. Meredith broke the hug and looked inside Izzie's room. Izzie was watching them. "D-Did I hear you right? You're going to try to foster Blake?"

Meredith glanced at Alex. He frowned. Meredith smiled weakly and entered Izzie's room. Alex stayed by the door. "You did," she said. "I am going to try really hard."

"Oh, thank God," Izzie said weakly. There were wrinkles around her eyelids. She looked absolutely exhausted. "I feel so awful. I just wish they'd let me die. I don't deserve to live. Not after what I've done." Tears welled in her eyes. "I _killed _two innocent doctors. I can't live with myself knowing that. I just can't."

"It wasn't your fault," Meredith assured her. "It was the tumor's fault."

"That's what my lawyer says, but does it really make that big of a difference? I still did it. I don't remember stealing a car. I don't even remember running off with Blake. I don't know where we went for apparently three weeks. The last thing I remember is receiving a text from you, telling me that Alex had called child services."

Meredith swallowed, noting Alex's eyes on her from the doorway. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have told you, but I didn't know what else to do. Alex wasn't listening." She glared at Alex.

"He's out there," Izzie said. "He's been out there a while. I don't blame him for not coming in. It's my fault that Blake's probably with some stranger right now. It's my fault Blake doesn't know Alex. I get it. I'd hate me too. I _do _hate me."

"Iz-" Meredith began, just as Alex entered the room.

"Iz," he said, "I can't say I don't hate you, because you're right, I do. But fuck, I love you too. I never stopped. And that's what makes me hate you, okay? We have a son together. A fucking son, Iz. And he's wonderful, and I want to know him but now the stupid court won't let me know him. You can blame yourself all you want, but it's my fault for getting them involved. I should have handled things better. I overreacted."

"No, I don't blame you," Izzie said. "I would have reacted the same if I were you, and I didn't expect you to welcome me with open arms. When I returned, I had a much better way I was going to tell you about Blake. I didn't expect to run into Meredith so early, either. I thought I'd be safe in my little O.B. corner. Didn't plan on her showing up with her pregnant sister-in-law."

"Plans never work out the way we plan them," Meredith stated.

"If anyone knows that by now, it's me," Izzie sighed. "I didn't know how I was going to tell you, Alex. I couldn't just call you. Well, I don't have your number anymore. I didn't even know if you still worked here for sure. I knew I needed to tell you, though. That's why I came here, hoping you'd still be here. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this, though. That's for sure."

"Life sucks," Alex said, kneeling to Izzie's bedside. He reached for one of her cuffed hands and locked his fingers with hers. "I'll never stop loving you, Iz."

"You should, because Jo is so much better for you than me. Really, she's lovely. You know, when I came back here I hoped to find that you'd moved on and had found someone. I was pleasantly surprised when I met Jo. She's a real gem, Alex," Izzie told him.

Alex's brown eyes twinkled. "She is," he said, "and that's why we need closure, Iz. We need to move past this. I want us to be friends, if that's even possible. We should be amicable, because once I get custody of Blake - I'm not giving up - I want us both to be in his life. We're his parents. He deserves to have two parents. I never had two parents."

"I'm scared," Izzie sobbed; tears rolled out of her eyes. "I've already survived multiple brain surgeries, and now I'm being tried for manslaughter and theft."

"Izzie, you'll get off on an insanity plea," Meredith sighed. "I don't know how you won't."

"That's what my lawyer says," Izzie replied, exhaling, "but that doesn't change the fact I'm going to have to live with this for the rest of my life, and what if I get another brain tumor? What if the cancer metastasizes? I'm lucky. My labs came back clean. The cancer hasn't spread, and Amelia supposedly got the whole tumor, but it's not the first time I've heard that. It could happen again, and who's telling what I'll do next. Do you know how terrifying that is?"

"I do," Meredith sighed. "I live in fear of knowing that I carry the Alzheimer's gene, that one day I might wake up and not know who my husband or my kids are. I think that's just as scary. Izzie, life is full of unknowns. The human brain is capable of very scary things, but we can't let that fear control our lives. We can't let the fear of the unknown block us from living."

Izzie shook her head. "I forgot how you were the voice of wisdom, Mer. You've only gotten wiser, when clearly I've gotten dumber."

"You're not dumb, Izzie," Meredith retorted. "You've just been through Hell and back, and now you're going to get stronger."

"I'll probably never be able to practice medicine again," Izzie sighed. "Nobody hires an insane surgeon. I wouldn't, anyway. More importantly, no one goes to _see _an insane doctor."

"Oh, Izzie," Meredith shook her head, taking Izzie's other hand. "You're going to get through this. You have us, and we're not leaving you." Meredith reached for a tissue and dried Izzie's eyes for her. Meanwhile, Jo entered the room.

She froze awkwardly. "I-I didn't mean to interrupt anything," she said, gulping as she locked eyes with Alex, who let go of Izzie's hand. Jo's eyes narrowed on the hand Alex had just let go of. Her face reddened. Meredith sensed jealousy. Jo, despite being kind to Izzie before, clearly expressed an element of jealousy toward Izzie, and Meredith didn't blame her. Meredith believed jealousy was a healthy in relationships, because it indicated the jealous person cared. Still to this day, Meredith couldn't help but be jealous of Addison. She was jealous of the time Derek and Addison had spent together in which Meredith hadn't been with Derek. Sometimes she was even worried that Derek still might have feelings for her. After all, he had loved her at one point. But in the end, he'd chosen her: a much rattier, messier, complicated woman than his first wife. Meredith knew that she could never compare to Addison. _What did Derek see in her? _She might never know.

"It's okay, Jo," Alex smiled. He glanced at Izzie before walking toward Jo. He greeted her with a peck on the lips.

"What was that for?" Jo gasped.

"Since when do I need a reason to kiss my girlfriend?" Alex asked. He kissed her again.

"I just didn't think you were a big fan of PDA," Jo teased, blushing. "But you certainly don't need a reason to kiss me."

"This is hardly PDA. Trust me, they don't mind," Alex said, referring to Meredith and Izzie.

"Nope, we don't," Izzie smiled. "You two are adorable. I think I'm your number one shipper."

Jo raised her eyebrows, seemingly taken aback. She met eyes with Meredith. "Have you had any luck?"

"I actually have a phone call to make," Meredith replied, taking Derek's phone out of her pocket. She saw she had a text message from Cristina, whose name was labeled as _The Twisted Sister _in Derek's phone. "I'll let you know guys know what happens." She took one look at each Izzie and Alex, whose eyes shimmered with hopefulness. Meredith's stomach tightened, instantly regretting having told them the plan. What if this went badly? What if she and Derek weren't granted custody of Blake? Then she would have gotten Izzie and Alex's hopes up for nothing.

Meredith felt ill just thinking about letting them down. She walked down the hallway and dialed the number Cristina had sent.

Two rings later, a female voice filled her ear, "You've reached Kari Phillips, Social Services Caseworker. How may I help you?"

Meredith swallowed. "Hi, uh, I need to talk to you about a little boy who's in the system."

"I'm sorry, but we can't release the details of our cases," the caseworker replied.

Meredith's heart pounded fiercely. "His name is Blake Stevens. He's four years old. He's the son of two of my best friends, and my husband and I happen to be licensed foster parents. We want to foster him."

"Are you a blood relative of the child?" the caseworker asked.

"No, but I'm the closest his father has to a sister. I'm his family. Blood isn't the relative factor in family," Meredith responded.

"Look, I understand where you're coming from, but the law states that only a blood relative can file for custody of a child in the system. If by chance the child hasn't been placed, I can certainly recommend that he be placed in your care, but I cannot pull him out of an existing home under these circumstances," explained the caseworker.

"Well, has he been placed?" Meredith demanded.

"I can't release that information. I'm sorry. However, I can take down your information and verify your foster parent status. If by chance he hasn't already been placed, I can recommend he be placed in your home, assuming everything checks out," responded the caseworker.

"You've got to be kidding me," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, but rules are rules. I'm sure you have to understand. What are your and your husband's names?" asked the caseworker.

Meredith gave her their information. When she ended the call, she felt discouraged. She dreaded going back to Izzie's room, because she knew Alex and Izzie were going to ask what had happened. They had high hopes now, and she didn't want to be a hope killer. Did she really want another child in her home when she was barely managing to handle her own two? But it was Blake. Blake was Alex and Izzie's child. She couldn't not want to help them. It was the right thing to do. But if it was so right, then why was she probably not going to be able to get custody of him?

_Alex fought for Zola, _Meredith digested the news Alex had spat at her earlier. He'd never told her that he'd gone to the judge. It only seemed right now that she would repay Alex the favor. Even if it meant she had to track down the attorney on Blake's case. There had to be something more she could do. Alex and Izzie were her friends, and she had to help them.

Derek's phone started ringing as she approached the elevator. Meredith's heart skipped a beat, thinking it might be the caseworker.

Her heart raced even faster when she saw _Kate _and a picture of Kathleen Shepherd flash across Derek's screen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is a shorter chapter, but it's been a month since I've updated and I want to get this story rolling again! I know there's no MerDer, but I promise you the next chapter will have lots of Shepherd goodies in it (Uh oh, why is Kathleen calling? Remember, she's watching Bailey and Zola.) And yes, Izzie and Alex made up for good (For real this time, I promise—finally!). I'm writing the Blake foster care storyline by the books. My mom was a foster parent for many years and tried to get custody of nephew (my half-sister's son) when I was thirteen, but the courts wouldn't allow her because she wasn't a blood relative, my dad was dead, and he was already in a foster home. **


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: **_My deepest apologies for the serious overload of MerDer, McBabies, and Shepherds in this chapter. It might just be too freaking much. No, seriously, I was suffering a serious MerDer drought after last night's episode and the entire one minute and thirty seconds of MerDer we've gotten in season eleven. So much for the "Season of MerDer" Shonda promised us. Yes, I know it's only episode two, and hopefully things will change. I'm just struggling to hold onto hope after it was revealed that there will be a Calzona centric episode today. Do we really need another Calzona centric episode? Anyway, that's the end of my rant. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I enjoyed writing it._

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><p>"What's wrong?" The words departed from Meredith's lips without a second thought. Assuming the worst was habitual for Meredith Grey, whether she liked to admit it or not. Meredith always prepared herself for the worst possible case scenario. After all, she figured it was better to be prepared. So, naturally, she found herself thinking woeful, awful thoughts. Had Zola fallen off the swing and broken an arm? Had Bailey fallen and cut his head open?<p>

Derek had been right when they were in D.C. She _did _worry too much, adding unnecessary stress on her mind and body. She was used to hearing the worst, though. Thinking the worst only came natural to Meredith. At some point in her life, Meredith had determined that there was a greater chance receiving bad news than good news. She had, after all, heard more bad news than good news in her lifetime.

Before Kathleen could elicit an answer to her questions, Meredith heard her son's cries shrilling through the speaker, which only elevated her stress levels higher.

"Meredith? I thought I called Derek," Meredith heard Kathleen's voice over Bailey's screams.

"I have his phone," Meredith explained, trying to catch her breath as she pressed the down button on the elevator repeatedly, preparing herself to prepare for an emergency. Her heart beat erratically out of control as the tension in her muscles emulated the stress level in her body. Her vision blurred as she pictured the worst possible scenarios. "Is Bailey okay? Why is he screaming? Is he hurt?"

"No, no, no, he's fine. Well, other than he _won't _stop crying!" Kathleen assured; her voice was calm and collective. The baby's cries dissolved, and Meredith exhaled a sigh of a relief, feeling tension release in her muscles and her heart rate slow. "I've tried feeding him. Zola said he likes Gerber green beans. Then I tried giving him some formula and he spit it up. Look, I know I'm out of practice…"

"Have you tried changing him?" Meredith asked the obvious.

"Yes. I changed him after he spit up. Zola suggested we sing _The Wheels on the Bus _song for him, because apparently he likes it, but that didn't work either. I don't know what else to do. I've exhausted every child friendly option I know," Kathleen said, "and I've been raising babies my whole life. Honestly, I think he wants his mommy and daddy. That or he hates me. I've never met a baby that _hates _me, though. Leave it to Derek's son to be the first. Derek was a difficult baby himself, you know. The only way Mom could get him to calm down was putting him in the car. Car rides would instantly put him to sleep."

"Okay, then take him for a car ride. You should bring the kids here to the hospital," Meredith replied, knowing that car rides _did _in fact calm her son down when he was cranky. She breathed in deeply, still recovering from the fear of something being wrong.

"How's Amelia?" Kathleen asked. Meredith noticed Bailey's screams had stopped. "I think he hears your voice, Meredith. He stopped crying when you started talking. He's looking around for you."

Meredith pictured her son's bright blue eyes wandering around the room, scoping for his mother. Her stomach fluttered, wishing she could hold and comfort him. "Amelia's fine," she answered Kathleen's question. "They want her to stay here under observation for forty-eight hours, but so far so good."

"That's good to hear. Hey, are you near Derek by chance? I'd like to talk to him," Kathleen requested.

"I'm actually not. I'm on the way back to Amelia's room right now," Meredith replied just as the elevator down light lit up and the door slid open. She stepped into the, fortunately, empty elevator. "I can ask him to call you back."

"No, that's fine. Do you know if Nancy and Liz are with him?" Kathleen asked.

"Actually, they both found themselves an unrelated case," answered Meredith.

"Oh, I can't say I'm surprised," laughed Kathleen.

"Do you want me to ask Derek to call you back?" Meredith asked as the elevator reached the second floor and she stepped out.

"No, it's fine. I was just wondering...well, you might know. What's the verdict on Amelia? Is she using again?"

Meredith bit her lip, finding herself immediately agitated. She wasn't surprised, though, and Meredith couldn't help but feel for Amelia. "No," Meredith said, "and frankly, I think it's very inconsiderate for you to ask. Really, is that all you can think to talk about? How do you think she feels? It's bad enough that she feels like nobody trusts her. To be constantly reminded of her history is unimaginable. She's made mistakes. We all have. She doesn't deserve to have that held against her twenty-four-seven. Imagine how she feels."

"Relax, I wasn't going to say anything to her about it. I was just wondering," Kathleen insisted slowly, her voice indicating that she was taken aback by Meredith's outburst in defense of her sister.

"Talking about her behind her back is just as bad," Meredith said. "Look, if anyone knows anything about family demons, it's me. I don't have a whole lot of experience, and I've held my share of grudges. Trust me, you don't want to hold onto Amelia's history with drugs, because while it may be a huge part of her past, it's not the only thing that defines Amelia. She's still your sister. She's a person." Meredith felt sick to her stomach, thinking about how horrible she had treated Lexie. The situation was, of course, different. She'd spent months seething with jealousy. Thatcher had chosen Lexie, and Lexie had had the perfect childhood. Now, Lexie was dead. She added solemnly, "You don't want to wait until it's too late."

"You're confusing me, Meredith, although it seems as if something personal is going on here. Derek said you lost your sister in the plane crash that also killed Mark. You know, I'm a shrink. If you need someone to talk to…"

"There's nothing personal going on," snapped Meredith, taken aback by Kathleen's mention of Lexie. Her heart weighed heavily in her chest. She trembled as the elevator reached the second floor and slowly opened. Her body felt numb, and she wearily stepped out of the elevator. "I should let you go. Amelia is in Room 202. You can bring kids up there. Has Zola been good?"

"Okay," Kathleen said, "and Zola's been an absolute delight. Derek joked that she likes to stick things up her nose. She's been a big help."

"That's good to hear," Meredith sighed. Her temples were now throbbing, and she felt a migraine coming on.

"Well, we'll be on our way," Kathleen said. "Looks like Nancy left the rental car keys on the kitchen table. That's convenient. We'll see you soon."

She ended the call with Kathleen, hoping that Bailey wouldn't be too much of a challenge for his aunt and the car ride would in fact calm him down. In the meantime, she walked towards Amelia's room. Her temples were now pounding painfully. Outside the room, she could hear Amelia's and Owen's voices. Derek appeared to be absent from the room.

She leaned against the cool white wall, which seemed to help. She needed Ibuprofen. Unfortunately, she didn't have any on her. It was a stress headache. Clearly, going to Washington D.C. hadn't eliminated all of her problems. Meredith also knew that switching specialties wouldn't fix all her problems, either. If nothing else, it would create new problems. If she did accept a fellowship, she would have to work more hours. Sure, she and Derek could navigate their home and work schedules better, since they could share cases if they chose to. They would be in the same department which would allow them to cross paths more frequently and discuss their schedules thoroughly. Plus, she would be happier. Nothing compared to a Neurosurgery High. She'd never experienced that same high in General surgery. It just didn't compare.

Meredith knew that she was opening a new can of worms by trying to foster Blake. How could she focus on her career, her children, and an additional child? Blake wasn't an infant. He was a healthy four-year-old boy who was capable of changing his clothes and brushing his teeth. Though, if she'd learned anything from parenting a preschooler, it was that preschoolers were more challenging than infants. They needed to be watched twenty-four-seven. Zola was always getting into household items that she shouldn't, like once she'd caught her trying to swallow Windex that Meredith had left out on the counter. Fortunately, she'd been able to stop her just in time. And what if Zola taught Blake her mischievous tricks? It was frightening. The idea of having two preschoolers and a one-year-old in her home terrified her.

_One year old._ Bailey's birthday was only three weeks away. Her son was going to be one year old. The past year had gone so quickly. She felt like she'd blinked her eyes. She'd been so busy trying to have a good year doing research she'd only pretended to like. She'd spent the two years with a specialty she'd hated, one she'd chosen just because it was there and it was available. She'd chosen General so she could save her marriage, not because she actually found the specialty particularly interesting. General surgery was Ellis Grey's baby, not Meredith's.

Her head pounded and a sense of vertigo whipped through her stomach. She found herself worrying about what would happen when she went back to Neuro. Maybe going back wasn't the right move after all. What would happen if she and Derek butted heads on a case again? She wasn't a resident anymore. When she was a resident, she listened to what Derek told her to do and didn't question his judgment. Now, she had been around long enough to question his judgment. He was _the _Derek Shepherd, and she knew her husband's ego could be pretty high. He didn't like it when other surgeons question him, and he definitely hated being wrong. She remembered one of the last cases they'd worked together, the one that had influenced her decision to leave Neuro. He'd told her she was using the wrong scalpel, though she'd known what she was doing, and she had, after all, been right. Yet, she couldn't argue with him.

Obviously, she and Derek were at a much better place in their marriage now, but Meredith didn't doubt that they would butt heads over cases again at some point, and she wasn't sure if she could handle that. She didn't know how that would affect their marriage in the long run. He wasn't the type of person to let things go easily, and she feared that if they were to get into an argument over something at work, then it would cause them problems at home.

That was it. She _couldn't _return to Neuro.

Meredith massaged her temples, trying to ease the pounding in her head.

"Don't let anyone put you down, Amelia," Owen was saying. "You are who you are, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You're a brilliant surgeon, and I'm sure you'll be a great mother too."

"It just gets old," Amelia replied, her voice was raspy and it was clear she'd been crying. "I don't care if people like me. I just wish they'd stop bringing my past up in my face. I can't escape it. I guess I deserve it. I've told so many lies. I dug myself this hole."

"We've all done stuff we regret," Owen told her assuredly. "We can't change what we've done in the past."

"I don't deserve you, Owen. You're too good. I don't want you to get dragged down with me. It's not fair to you." Amelia was sobbing.

"You're not dragging me anywhere, Amelia," Owen assured. "I want to be with you."

"Do you want my baby or do you want me?" Amelia's voice cracked.

There was a pause, and before Owen could answer, Meredith looked up to see Derek standing in front of her, holding two coffee cups. He raised his dark eyebrows. "Eavesdropping?"

She nodded, sighing. "Not intentionally," she replied. "I was just standing here and they happened to be talking."

He studied her face. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I, uh, just have a headache," she said, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

He handed her a coffee. "Maybe you need caffeine," he smiled.

She took the coffee from his hand. Before taking a drink, she raised an eyebrow. "You didn't know I'd be here."

He shrugged. "I got it for Owen, but I think you need it more than he does. Besides, I don't want him to think I approve of him dating my sister."

"But you do, right?" she inquired suspiciously, raising an eyebrow while she took a drink from the Styrofoam cup. The lukewarm caffeinated beverage sent an instant energizing buzz to her brain, and she felt her headache slowly subsiding.

"I'm really not sure," Derek admitted, shaking his head wearily, gazing inside the room. Meredith looked in the room and witnessed Owen and Amelia sitting in silence. Owen's hand rested on Amelia's shoulder. They both froze when they saw Meredith and Derek standing in the doorway.

"How long have you been standing there?" Amelia asked.

"Just a few seconds," Derek replied, entering the room and Meredith followed. She continued drinking her coffee, starting to feel better.

"How's Izzie?" Amelia asked. "Someone needs to page Wilson and give her the heads up. She was monitoring Izzie for me last night. Her vitals need to be checked every four to six hours for the next twenty-four hours, then she'll be through the seventy-two hour window."

"Izzie seems to be doing well," Meredith assured, "and I actually just saw Wilson. She was with Izzie."

"Did you tell her that I'm bedridden?" Amelia groaned, resting her hands on her swollen belly.

"I did not," Meredith replied. "We, uh, kind of had bigger issues to deal with." She looked at Derek and sighed, "I called the caseworker."

"Wait, what?" Amelia and Owen's faces indicated they had no idea what Meredith was talking about.

She could tell Derek knew what she was saying, though. Meredith sighed and explained, "Derek and I are licensed foster parents, and we thought that maybe we could foster Blake." She eyed Derek. "I talked to the caseworker, and it doesn't sound good. She said she can recommend us if Blake hasn't been placed already, but she wouldn't tell me if he'd been placed or not." Derek grimaced. Meredith exhaled. "And, you know, maybe it's better this way. We have a lot going on. Can we really take on another kid?"

Derek smiled weakly. "We do have a lot going on right now. Especially if you're going to take on a Neuro fellowship."

"What?" Amelia and Owen said at the same time.

"You're really going to switch specialties, Mer? Why didn't you tell me?" Amelia gasped and added, "I knew you had a knack for Neuro."

Meredith froze, internally frustrated by the fact that Derek had brought it up. It wasn't his news to announce. She bit her lip.

Owen, on the other hand, looked completely taken aback by the revelation. "I'm missing something here. You want to pursue a Neuro fellowship, Meredith?"

"Uh, I don't know. I've been thinking about it, I guess," Meredith said, feeling her cheeks flush, wishing Derek hadn't said anything. She hadn't had the chance to tell him that she was considering changing her mind.

Amelia was glowing. Owen, on the other hand, didn't look so thrilled.

"That's great!" Amelia grinned ear to ear.

At the same time, Owen said, "You can't just switch specialties. It's not that easy. For one, there has to be a Neuro fellowship open, and we don't have one open right now."

"Then open one!" Amelia beamed. "You're the Chief of Surgery, so you can open a Neuro fellowship position, and you heard the doctor. I'm supposed to stay out of the O.R. for the next seventeen weeks. I don't know how I'm going to live, but I'd feel a lot better knowing who knows what they're doing is covering my patients. You fired Nelson, so you need another Neurosurgeon. Why not allow Meredith a fellowship?"

"Even if we did have a fellowship open, we'd have to follow protocol, meaning Meredith would have to submit letters of recommendations and pass the Neuro fellowship entrance exam."

"Did you check Amelia's letters of recommendations when you hired her?" Derek asked suddenly.

"Excuse me?" Owen questioned.

"I'm just asking, since we're talking about following protocols. Did you check Amelia's references? I thought, after all, that was standard protocol. Then again, maybe you had _another _agenda on your mind," Derek replied bitterly.

"I don't like what you're implying, Derek," Owen responded sharply, taking his hand off Amelia's shoulder and crossing his arms together, glaring fervently at Derek.

"What _are _you implying, Derek?" Amelia shot.

"I'm just saying, if you had taken the time to look into my sister's references and resume, you would have noticed that she's not board certified in Neurosurgery. She was fired from her fellowship," Derek announced.

"Derek!" Meredith gasped, taken aback, remembering that Derek had agreed to stay closed lipped about Amelia's fellowship and Meredith had agreed to mention it to Amelia. Owen froze, appearing confused and taken aback. Amelia's hands flattened on top of her stomach.

Owen glared at Amelia. "Is it true? You're not board certified?"

Amelia blushed, rolling her eyes. She took in a deep breath and confessed, "I am board certified in General surgery. I'm not double-board certified in Neurosurgery. Derek's telling the truth. I was fired from my fellowship, which is why I ended up in LA in the first place. Naomi, Addison's friend, hired me at her private practice."

"And you didn't find this relevant to mention?" Owen barked.

Amelia blushed. "Look, I…"

"Are you trying to force her into preterm labor again?" Meredith barked. She glared at Derek. "You had no right to bring that up now when you _know _your sister just had a terrible scare. Could you be more selfish? You probably should leave now."

"I appreciate the sticking up for me, Meredith, but it's true. I should have mentioned it. Nobody asked, and I didn't think it was a big deal. I realize the hospital is liable if I screw up, and private practices are much more lenient than hospitals when it comes to board certification. And it's not like it matters. I can't operate now anyway." Amelia rolled her eyes.

Owen reached for Amelia's hand. "Most hospitals prefer board certified surgeons because it looks better on paper."

"You gave Kepner a one-year grace period," Meredith pointed out.

"I did, so there's no reason I can't give Amelia one too. The boards are in two months, and clearly you won't be in any condition to take them then, Amelia." Owen pointed to her belly. "It's not the end of the world."

"You've really just proved my point," Derek said dryly, and he barged out of the room.

Meredith met eyes with Amelia and Owen. "I'm sorry," she mouthed, and she ran after Derek. "Derek!" she called after him; he was already at the other end of the hall. "Derek Shepherd, you stop right there."

She ran behind him, barely catching up to him as he approached the elevator.

"They're disgusting," Derek said huskily. "Both of them."

"Oh, because you've never played favorites before?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "You had no right to bring that up." He stared ahead at the closed elevator, neglecting to make eye contact with Meredith. She sighed. "Our first surgery together, remember? Katie Bryce? Cristina wanted in on that surgery so bad. She was the one who found you and eagerly presented the option to you. Not me. Yet you still chose me for the surgery. I didn't even want it."

"You were still running from me," Derek smirked as the elevator dinged and opened. They stepped in together. "Of course, that was before I knew that was part of your personality." He sighed and confessed, "I just wanted to be near you."

She reached for his hand, grabbing it, and cupping her hand around his. "I don't run anymore."

"I appreciate that," Derek laughed, burying his nose in the back of her hair. He continued softly, "All I could think about was smelling you." He paused. "I barely remember Katie Bryce's surgery, you know? All I remember is I wanted to impress you."

"I'd say you did a pretty good job about that," Meredith smiled. "I was completely wooed." She leaned into him, and he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"You're right. I shouldn't have brought that up," he sighed. "I just was upset that Owen was pulling all this _following protocol _crap with you, when we all know everyone plays favorites in this hospital. This hospital is like a family. It's clingy."

"It's not clingy," Meredith laughed then paused. "Okay, maybe it's a little clingy. We look out for each other."

"We look out for our own, and sometimes our patients suffer because of it," Derek admitted. He swallowed. "It scares the crap out of me. If they had taken you to Mercy West after you drowned, you wouldn't be here now. The doctors there wouldn't have been as aggressive with your treatment."

"Derek," Meredith choked, knowing where he was coming, and knowing he spoke the truth. "I don't want to think about that."

"I don't either, but it crosses my mind all the time. I hate to admit it. We've survived so many awful things here that we wouldn't have survived anywhere else," Derek confessed.

"We're lucky to have friends who are like family here," Meredith acknowledged. "And that's why we can't let Blake go. Alex is my family. Derek, did you know that Alex talked to the judge about Zola when we lost her?"

"He what?" Derek asked looking stunned, indicating he didn't. "No, I didn't. Really? Karev went to the judge?"

"He did. He told me today. Derek, it's because of him that we have Zola now. He didn't give up on me. I can't give up on him," Meredith insisted. She released a deep sigh. "I don't know how I'm going to do this. I was upset when you brought the fellowship up to Owen, because I don't think I can do it. Honestly, I don't."

"What do you mean? You were so passionate about it in D.C.," Derek said, taken aback. "Meredith, if you're passionate about Neuro, then you should pursue it."

"I just think it's a bad idea," Meredith replied, pushing away from Derek. "We have the kids, and if we're going to be adding another kid under our roof. Plus, we're at a point in our relationship where it feels healthy. We fight, but we make up right away, and I'm afraid that if we start mixing our personal and work relationship again, it could get ugly again. You remember what it was like the last time we worked together."

"I do," Derek said, "but we're past all that." She looked into his twinkling eyes. "You're not a resident anymore."

"And that's the point," Meredith said. "I'm capable of contradicting your judgment, and I know you, Derek. I've seen you work with other Neurosurgeons, namely your sister. You have an ego, Derek, and don't deny it."

Derek look puzzled as he glanced away from her. The elevator dinged and together they stepped out. They were on the first floor by the front entrance.

"Where are we going anyway?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know," Derek admitted.

They both froze when they saw Kathleen entering the hospital, holding Bailey, and Zola walking next to her. Zola ran toward her parents when she saw them.

"Mommy, Daddy!" Zola cheered, immediately running into Meredith's arms. Meredith bent over to pick Zola up, and she noticed the puzzled expression on Derek's face.

"What are you doing here, Kate?" Derek asked, lunging forward to take his son from his sister's arms.

"Meredith didn't tell you I called?" Kate asked, still housing Bailey's heavy diaper bag on her shoulder.

"It slipped my mind," Meredith admitted. "We've been busy." Her attention shifted to her daughter. "So, I heard my Zozo was a good girl."

"I is a good girl!" Zola smiled. "Bailey was bad."

"Was he, now?" Derek asked, lifting his son above his head. "Were you bad, Bailey?"

Bailey happily babbled some syllables that lacked coherence. He seemed much happier than he had on the phone.

"He fell right asleep in the car," Kathleen explained, "but he woke up the minute we pulled into the hospital parking lot. I think he knew he was about to see his parents. Anyway, how's Amelia doing?"

"Other than the fact Derek opened a can of worms, good I think," Meredith rolled her eyes. Zola tugged at Meredith's hair.

"Mommy, you pwetty," Zola giggled.

"Thank you, Zozo. You're pretty, too," Meredith replied, kissing her daughter's forehead.

"She didn't seem too upset," Derek shrugged. "Not as upset as I thought she'd be."

"Oh, little brother. What did you do now?" Kathleen shook her head endearingly, not looking the slightest bit surprised. She looked at Zola. "Zola, dear, you are going to have a long road ahead. Little brothers are trouble makers."

"Bailey, bad boy," Zola waved her pointer finger at Bailey, whose smile faded and he studied his sister. Meredith wondered if her eleven-month-old son knew he was being scolded by his older sister.

"So, are you going to tell me what you did, Derek?" Kathleen prodded.

"Our sister isn't double board certified in Neurosurgery," Derek sighed, "and Owen, the Chief of Surgery, was unaware of this. He was too busy screwing her."

"Okay, stop," Kathleen winced. "I don't want to picture my baby sister screwing anyone."

"Well, she has quite the history," Derek said smugly. "It's no secret that she moves from guy to guy."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Derek," she mumbled.

"Right, well, it's a long story, Kate, and I had no business bringing it up when I did. I was just upset because Owen was pulling crap about having to follow procedure regarding Meredith taking on a Neuro fellowship," Derek sighed.

"You're considering taking on a Neuro fellowship?" Kathleen beamed. Meredith bit her lip and faked a smile. _He did it again, _she thought, irritated that Derek had deliberately brought it up again, even after she'd told him that she was having second thoughts. "I think that's great. Hey, maybe you, Amelia, and Derek can start your own private practice."

"Ha," Meredith half smiled.

"That could be interesting," Derek acknowledged, rubbing Bailey's back. "We could bring the kids with us to the practice."

"Derek, I love you, but I don't think I could handle working in such close proximity to you every day, all day. I mean, at least here at the hospital, we don't have to share all cases, and I really don't think Amelia would be on board with it." Meredith shook her head.

Derek shrugged. "Amelia is full of surprises. I know you've been spending time with her, but I doubt that you can predict how she'd react."

"Well," Kathleen strongly emphasized the word _well_ as she changed the topic. "Speaking of Amelia, I would like to see her, unless she has strict orders to keep me out, but seeing as Nancy got through, I think I'm in the clear. I forgot which room number you told me earlier, so if you could just show me, that'd be great..."

"I can take you to see her," Derek offered. "Meredith, do you want to take the kids to daycare?"

"I wanna see Auntie Amy," Zola pouted, sticking her lip out.

"I think it would be okay to take the kids up to see her," Meredith replied. "Let's go see your auntie Amy, Zozo."

Derek seemed surprised by Meredith's response.

The elevator just happened to be opening, and the family of four plus Kathleen all gathered in the elevator. The elevator ride up to Amelia's floor was filled with Bailey's babbling and Zola talking about how she had been a big help, and had helped Auntie Kate clean up the house. Kathleen confirmed Zola's story, indicating the house was spotless. Meredith and Derek both thanked her and told Zola what a big help she was.

When the elevator opened, Meredith saw Cristina, Lizzie, and Nancy standing in the hallway.

"That was amazing!" Lizzie gasped. "You are amazing. Seriously, if you ever need an assist, I'm here. Plus, I could always use an excuse to check in on my siblings."

"You're too kind," Cristina was laughing. "But you're right, I am awesome." Lizzie's and Nancy's eyes both froze when they saw Derek, Meredith, Kathleen, and the kids. Cristina turned around and stopped.

"Surgery went well, I take it?" Meredith asked.

"Smooth as a baby's head," Cristina replied. "I never thought I'd be saying this, but your sisters are freaking awesome, McDreamy. Well, these two are anyway. I think I'm in love. I think I like them more than _you_." Meredith glanced at Derek, both were completely taken aback by Cristina's sudden obsession for Nancy and Lizzie. "Oh, who are you?"

Kathleen extended her arm to shake Cristina's hand. "Kathleen. The last of um..._McDreamy_'s sisters." Kathleen giggled as said the word _McDreamy_.

"Oh, right. You're like a shrink, right? I've heard of you," Cristina acknowledged.

"You must be Cristina Yang," Kathleen observed.

"Um, how'd you know that? Please tell me it's not because I'm the only Asian in the hospital, because I swear if I hear that one again…"

"No, I'm just really good at reading people," Kathleen replied, shrugging. "You seemed really comfortable calling my brother McDreamy to his face, which leads me to believe you spend a lot of time around him, but you're not the type of person who he would choose to spend time with, no offense, which means you're close with Meredith. And from what I've heard, Meredith's best friend is Cristina Yang."

Cristina widened her eyes directly at Meredith. "She's good."

"Yeah, she is," Meredith nodded, setting Zola down, whose weight had become too much for Meredith to carry. Her arms felt like jello.

"Oh, trust me, I've seen it all," Kathleen insisted. "The joys of being a psychiatrist."

Cristina's phone beeped. "I have to take this. We should definitely catch up later." Cristina gave Nancy and Lizzie a thumbs up and disappeared.

"Wow," Derek mouthed.

"Didn't expect that," Meredith admitted, laughing.

"I gather Cristina doesn't like most people," Kathleen noted.

"There's a reason she and Meredith are the twisted sisters. That's all I'll say," Derek said. "Dark and twisty." He breathed in Meredith's ear and softly pecked her earlobe.

"I like her," Nancy announced. "She has a great sense of humor. Definitely different, but she's funny."

Meredith and Derek locked eyes, smiling, but neither said a word. Next, Meredith peaked into Amelia's hospital room with the rest of the menagerie still standing in the hallway. She saw Amelia lying in bed looking like she was bored. Owen was in the corner of the room anxiously looking at his phone.

"Are you up for visitors?" Meredith whispered.

"Please, I'm bored out of my mind, and I can't even get laid," Amelia groaned, acknowledging Owen, who looked up from his phone pretending not to have heard what Amelia had just said.

"Hey, Meredith," was all Owen said before he returned to his phone, texting erratically. His voice shook then Zola popped her head in.

"Auntie Amy!" Zola exclaimed and ran toward her aunt. "You okay?" She leaned against Amelia's hospital bed.

"I'm much better," Amelia told the little girl.

"Baby okay?" Zola asked. Meredith was surprised that Zola acknowledged that Amelia's hospital visit was in relation to her pregnancy. She wondered if Kathleen had told Zola that.

"Baby is good," Amelia assured the three-year-old. "But what are you doing here, Zola? And where's your brother?"

And Derek entered with Bailey.

"I hope you're okay with this," Derek said quietly. "I'm really sorry about earlier, Amy. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"I've already forgotten," Amelia said. "The good thing about these pregnancy hormones is I can't seem to keep my mind on one thing for more than a nanosecond. My brain is all over the place. And…" Tears formed in her eyes. "One minute I'm crying, the next I'm laughing."

"Why you sad?" Zola asked innocently.

"I'm not, sweetie." Amelia's face lit up with joy. "See?"

"Oh," Zola looked confused.

The other three Shepherds soon appeared in the doorway and Amelia froze for a moment before saying, "Hi."

"Hi," Nancy, Kathleen, and Lizzie replied in unison. They entered the room together, and they stood in a circle around Amelia's bed.

Owen put his phone in his pocket, noticing he'd just been joined by a flock of Shepherds.

"Talk about Shepherd overload," Owen said. "And, well, this is awkward."

"Join the club, Owen," Meredith said, slightly relieved by the fact that she wasn't the only one feeling like an outside, though she knew that Amelia had to be feel about just as uncomfortable considering the circumstances. She seemed to be holding herself together, though.

"We cleaneded the house, Auntie Amy," Zola announced, breaking up the awkwardness.

"Did you now, Zo?" Amelia acknowledged.

"It fun! But Bailey bad," Zola added.

"What? Why was Bailey bad?" Amelia made eye contact with the three-year-old, conversing with her like no one else was in the room.

"He cried and cried and hurted my ears," Zola replied, frowning. "And no stop til Auntie Katie putted him in the car."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Zo. But sometimes babies cry," Amelia explained.

"Bailey cries lots. Is you baby gonna cry?" Zola stuck her lip out.

"I hope so," Amelia replied, swallowing, seeming to be fighting tears. "Babies who cry are healthy babies."

"Bailey healthy?" Zola asked.

"Yes, your brother is healthy," Amelia confirmed.

"Then I guess he can cry," Zola sighed.

Meredith smiled and looked around to room to see that everyone in the room, including Bailey, was smiling. Everyone except Owen, that was. His face was filled with concern and his eyes were on his phone again.

"What's wrong, Owen?" Meredith asked, taking a few steps toward the Chief of Surgery.

He exhaled. "I have a woman who needs a C-section and I don't have an O.B. available."

Meredith's eyes immediately went to Nancy. Everyone else's eyes were on her, too.

"Well, I'm available," Nancy insisted.

Owen groaned. "I hate to ask, Nancy. I know you don't work here, and you didn't come here to work."

"Really, I don't mind. I love delivering babies. That's why I became an O.B. It seems like your lack of obstetricians is a more pressing issue, though. You know, I've thought about moving out here before, and my son Chris is doing residency in Vancouver. That's like two and a half hours away from here."

"Wait, Chris is doing his residency in Vancouver and hasn't come to visit?" Derek interjected.

"Well, his uncle Derek hasn't contacted him, either," Nancy replied.

"I didn't know he was even on the west coast! If I had, I would have definitely been in touch," Derek protested.

"Well, anyway, Chris is in Vancouver, and I'm about to be a grandma. I'd love to be closer to him," Nancy insisted. "Yet, I don't want to be too close to where he thinks I'm invading his personal space. Seattle would be perfect."

Amelia's mouth was hanging wide open, speechless.

"Um, Nance, that's really nice, but what will Bill think about this?" Derek asked, eying Meredith, who really didn't know what to think or say about this revelation. She wasn't Nancy's biggest fan, but if anything, this visit had proved that the woman had redeeming qualities.

"Don't know, don't care," Nancy shrugged. "We've been divorced for six months." She waved her empty finger.

"What?" Amelia and Derek both gasped.

"That's a bummer. I always liked Bill," Amelia said dryly. "Always felt bad that he had to put up with you, though. I bet he's relieved."

Nancy rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe I wasn't the best wife, and maybe that's why I caught him sexting another woman."

"Wait, you caught him _sexting _another woman?" Amelia giggled.

"I'm not sure what's so funny about that, but yeah, I grabbed his phone my mistake one day. Low and behold, I open his text messages to find less-than-flattering images and words exchanged with a woman who happened to be a colleague of his, and yeah, I really don't want to get into the details."

Meredith's stomach turned as she patted Derek's phone still in her pocket. She pulled the phone out and watched as Derek's eyes directed to her.

"Meredith," he laughed. "You don't have to worry."

She stared down at the photo on his lock screen, one of her, Zola, and Bailey. Meredith trusted her husband to that point that she hadn't even thought to look through Derek's texts. The thought simply had not crossed her mind. Her husband wouldn't cheat on her. He didn't even _like _sending text messages.

Meredith noticed Kathleen's eyes were on her. She knew that Meredith had Derek's phone.

"If you don't want to look, I'll look," Kathleen offered.

Meredith shook her head, putting the phone back in her pocket. She eyed him carefully. She trusted him. He'd given her plenty of reasons not to trust her in the past, but they were just that: In the past.

"Seriously, Derek, if you _ever _cheat on Meredith, I'll rip your head off and ship it to Australia. After what happened with Addison, I would think you'd know better," Nancy uttered, crossing her arms together. "Though, I completely understand why you chose to move across the country now. The urge has been eating at me ever since I discovered the photos. I wanted to run right then and there, but I couldn't. You're much stronger willed than I am, Derek. Plus, it's Caleb's senior year of high school. He graduates this year, and then I'm an empty nester. There's nothing keeping me in Connecticut. Michaela is in an intern at a hospital in Florida, Noelle is a senior at Florida State, and Jenna is a sophomore at Northwestern. I have nothing the East Coast anymore. Just Mom and Kathleen. Lizzie's in Ohio. She comes home like once every four to six months. I'd love to spend some time with my youngest siblings. I know you both hate me, and we've grown estranged."

"Hate is a strong word," Amelia admitted, tears in her eyes.

"And I'd love to spend some time with my youngest niece and nephew, too," Nancy smiled at each Zola and Bailey. Zola timidly refused eye contact with Nancy.

"Uh, okay, we can discuss this later. Right now, I have a woman who needs to be prepped for a C-section," Owen said. He turned to Meredith. "By the way, Meredith, a Neuro fellowship has opened here at Grey Sloan Memorial. If you want it, it's yours."

"You're taking on a Neuro fellowship?" Lizzie beamed. She was the fourth Shepherd to beam at the idea, and Meredith found herself forcing a smile again. Her head was pounding again.

"Um…" Meredith stumbled for words as Derek's phone started to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out and immediately recognized the number. It was Blake's caseworker.


	52. Chapter 52

**THREE WEEKS LATER**

One important life lesson: Plans never work out. You can plan and plan all you want, but life has a way of planting potholes in the road. That's life. Life is full of curveballs and unexpected twists and turns. Of course, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't plan. It just means that you should plan for the unexpected.

Had you told Meredith Grey eight weeks earlier that she would be starting a Neuro fellowship, she would have laughed in your face. She'd left Neuro with no intentions of ever returning to the specialty. Leaving Neuro had been her choice. She'd chosen her marriage time and time again, though she'd known all along that neurosurgery gave her a high that no other specialty had ever given her. Although for the longest time, Meredith hadn't been sure if it was the surgery itself or if it was _him_.

His minty-fresh breath circulated around her nose. Derek was just centimeters away from her face, smiling and gazing lovingly into her eyes as he took her hand and pulled her into an on-call room. He began kissing her neck, sending riveting sensations down her spine.

"Derek," she moaned, trying to push him away. She glanced quickly at the clock on the wall above the door. "We don't have time. I have a surgery in twenty minutes. I need to prep."

"Mmmm, just a quickie," Derek murmured softly into her ear, softly kissing her earlobe. "We haven't had sex all week." His irresistible puppy dog eyes caused her heart to skip a beat.

She released a sigh. "Derek, you were the one who insisted I take on this fellowship on top of everything else, and now we have _three _kids to take care of. The kids outnumber the adults."

"That they do," Derek acknowledged, holding her waist. He exhaled, chuckling, "I don't know how my parents made time to make more babies after Lizzie. I mean, they had to make me when Lizzie was around Bailey's age."

"Well, we are not making any babies," Meredith stated adamantly. "Considering we're already parenting a four-year-old, a three-year-old, and a _one_-year-old." Meredith paused after she spoke Bailey's age, still in disbelief that today was her baby's birthday. One year ago she had given birth to her son, the best day of her life - omitting the fact that she had almost died afterward

He nuzzled his nose against her cheek and kissed the side of her neck. "Mmm, well Blake is only temporary. There's no reason Alex shouldn't be able to get custody of him. His court date is tomorrow."

Meredith nodded, still holding onto hope that everything would turn out well for Alex. Though, there was the whole _Izzie _situation. Izzie's hearing was scheduled to start an hour before Alex's. The judge had released her on the condition she had somewhere to stay. Meredith would have offered, but since Blake was in her and Derek's custody, her house was off limits. Therefore, Alex had stepped up. Izzie was staying with Jo and Alex, which had to be awkward by nature. That also complicated Alex's situation in his attempt to gain custody of his son, since Izzie wasn't supposed to have unsupervised visits with Blake. Alex, on the other hand, was allowed to visit and take Blake when he wanted as long as there was proof that Blake was living at Meredith's. They had set up bunk beds in Zola's room, to Zola's delight. She never wanted Blake to leave. Meredith knew that when Alex finally did get custody of Blake, it would be difficult on her, just like it had been difficult when Sofia and Callie had moved out after staying with them for a few weeks last year.

"Meredith," Derek said softly, gently removing her lab coat and tossing it across the room.

"I just… what if I miss it?" Meredith sighed worriedly. "I can't miss it, Derek. He only turns one once."

"Shh, Mer. Relax," Derek soothed, running his fingers through her unkempt hair. He kissed her forehead. "It's a craniotomy. Typically takes four to six hours. You're going in the OR at ten; you'll be out between two and four. The party starts at five. You have plenty of time to get home." He smiled proudly.

"Yeah, well, what if there are complications?" Meredith wasn't so convinced. She couldn't bear the thought of missing her son's first birthday party. She knew he was only one, and he wouldn't remember it, but she would, and she would regret it for the rest of her life if she wasn't there. The first birthday sets the foundation for the rest of a child's life. Meredith's parents had never celebrated her birthdays or at least that she could remember. Bailey deserved a fair shot at a normal childhood. He shouldn't be punished because she'd had a crappy childhood. And she'd been at Zola's birthday party. It was only fair that she be at Bailey's too. She didn't want Bailey to grow up and look at the videos and pictures from his sister's first party and see both his parents, then wonder why there were no pictures or videos of his mother at his birthday parties. She didn't want either of her children to think she loved the other more. She loved both of her children equally.

"Meredith, everything will be fine," Derek assured her. "Chris and Angie are at the house with Amy getting the food and cake ready. Nancy's occupying the kids at the park and picking Mom up at the airport at three."

At this point, the only reason she and Derek had half of their sanity left was because of the glorious help of his sisters. Amelia, very much to her displeasure, was supposed to be taking it easy. She wasn't officially on bed rest, but she wasn't supposed to stand for long consecutive periods of time, and making runs all over the hospital was out of the question. Derek and Meredith weren't comfortable leaving the kids alone with her at this point, not because they didn't trust her, but because they didn't want to risk her putting too much strain on herself and the baby. That's where Nancy and her son and his fiancée had come in to save the day.

Chris, Derek's eldest nephew and Nancy's eldest son, and his very pregnant, due-any-day fiancée, Angie, had come into town the night before with Nancy. The day after her arrival in Seattle, Nancy had mounted up to Vancouver to visit her son and daughter-in-law to be. Meanwhile, Lizzie and Kathleen had made their peace with Amelia and had returned home to their respective families. Currently, the Shepherd siblings were all in a very good place, or so they seemed to be.

After child services had called Meredith and Derek to tell them that Blake had not been placed and that they were considered a suitable home for him to live, Meredith and Derek had rushed home to prepare their home to pass child service's inspection. Surprisingly so, they had managed to pass without any additional havoc. In the meantime, Derek had continued to plead with Meredith to take on the fellowship. She had doubts, not knowing how they could take on another child and she a fellowship. After all, she didn't want him to give up any more for her. He'd given up enough, and she didn't want him to end up resenting her.

"_Fatherhood, Meredith. It's what I was meant to do. It's all I've ever wanted. Neurosurgery is my career. I love being a neurosurgeon, but no feeling can compare to fatherhood. I've done the surgeon thing. I've seen the other side. Now, it's your turn to shine," _Derek had assured her, while convincing her to go with the fellowship. His twinkling, dreamy eyes assured her that there was true meaning in the words he spoke, even though she was still skeptical. She hated the thought of him resenting her down the line. He was still Chief of Neurosurgery at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, and he continued to consult. Now, he was passing all his surgeries off to her. So, they'd work together during the day, and then he'd go home in the afternoon. So far, they'd had four surgery dates; four dates that had been thoroughly enjoyed by them both. Those four surgeries resurrected the highs of her intern days. Derek's presence in the OR definitely had an influence on her like no other, though Neuro with or without Derek made her happy in ways she simply couldn't explain.

He pressed his lips against hers and moaned into her mouth, "A quickie."

"A quickie," she repeated, breaking the kiss. She ran her hands under his shirt and rubbed her hands over his bare nipples and helped him remove his navy blue scrub shirt. He ripped her scrub top off, and quickly they tore each other's clothes off. His lips tantalized her collarbone and she let out a soft moan as he stuck one finger inside her.

"Oh, Der," she moaned as he gently stroked her folds. "We don't have time for foreplay." A giggle escaped her lips as he kissed her belly button; a moan elicited from her lips.

"We can make time," he teased; he pushed another finger inside her and plunged deep into her wetness, sending shocks of pleasure up her spine, making her beg for him. He removed both of his fingers then shifted his body over her. He started moving his hips. He moved his hips faster, going deeper with each thrust. Meredith gasped for air, her head spinning out of control.

"Oh, Derek!" she moaned, panting, as his thrusts slowed then quickened then slowed again, sending her muscles into uncontrollable spasms. Derek knew how to drive her mad. He knew exactly what she liked. No one had ever known her body like Derek did.

Together, they climaxed. They knew each other's bodies so well that they could both climax in under five minutes when time was scarce. Derek collapsed on top of her and pressed his ear on her chest, seeming to be listening to the sound rhythms of her heart beat. He stretched his right arm and grabbed her right hand, cupping his hand over hers and twining their fingers together. "I love you," he whispered, his hot breath pressed against her eardrum. Her her heart fluttered.

"Now I don't want to get up," she sighed, savoring the brief moment of relaxation. Half teasingly, she rolled her eyes, "Look what you've done." It wasn't long before her muscles began to tense as she remembered a craniotomy she needed to perform shortly.

"I guess that's your way of saying _Thank you, Derek, for the mindblowing orgasm_," Derek teased with a smirk on his face. Meredith wasn't humored, though.

"I really need to go," she insisted. She saw the frown on his face and sighed, "Thank you for the orgasm, Derek." She leaned forward and pecked his lips. "Now, please get off me."

He sighed, sitting up so she could move her legs and arms freely.

She dressed and looked at herself in the mirror, sighing. Her ponytail was falling out and her face was flushed. "Do I look like I just had sex, Derek?"

He stood directly behind her; she could see from his reflection in the mirror that he was also fully dressed. He placed his hands on her shoulders and whispered in her ear, "If I did my job correctly."

"Derek, this isn't funny. I'm a student again. I'm a fellow, and I have something to prove. I swear to God, if I took this fellowship only to fail, I won't be able to live with myself," she sighed, crossing her arms, wishing Derek would understand where she was coming from, but his face didn't convince her that he did. After all, it had been years since he himself had been a student.

"Well, I'd say you're off to a pretty good start," Derek teased with a smirk on his face. "Sleeping with your attending, I mean. That's your thing, right?"

Again, she was not humored. Meredith rolled her eyes. "Derek, this isn't funny. I'm being serious!" She glared at him, and he sighed, lowering his hands on her waist.

"Meredith," he spoke softly. "You are a gifted surgeon. You don't need anyone to tell you that. You just need to believe in yourself. I am proud to be your husband." He grinned with pride on his face; glowing twinkles shined in both his eyes. "Now, I can't have you going into an OR thinking you're going to screw up. It's not good for you or the patient. You can't be distracted. If you don't want to do this surgery, just say so, and I'll do it and you can go home and get ready for the party. Then you know you'll be there for sure. I know how important it is for you to not miss our son's first birthday party."

She inhaled a deep breath of air and shook her head. "No, I have this. We can't switch places because then you might not be there, and I don't want you to miss Bailey's birthday. We both need to be there. And you're right. I have this. I've done three craniotomies since I started my fellowship. Three flawless craniotomies." She paused, catching her breath. Her eyes widened. "I've got this. In and out."

"In and out," Derek repeated, smiling. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Everything will work out perfect. I'll go home and help get the house ready. Nancy will come home with Mom and the kids, and then we'll be ready to go. Who's the resident on your case?"

"Warren," she replied. "Bailey's husband."

"He's good," Derek nodded. He kissed her one more time. "I'll see you at home."

And they departed the on-call room together, walking in separate directions.

* * *

><p>The operating room was one place that Meredith didn't have time to dwell on the outside world. It was an escape. Some people had drugs. Meredith had surgery. And as she stood behind her patient's head, a thirty-four-year-old mother of three, preparing to make a skin incision into the woman's skull, she didn't have time to think about anything more than the incision. She didn't have time to reflect on how she was bent out of shape about the possibility of missing her son's birthday party, when there was a possibility that this woman's children may never see their mother alive again. All brain surgeries were accompanied with severe risks, including hemorrhaging, seizures, and paralysis. Of course, those were the worst case scenarios. Milder risks were much more common, which included muscle weakness and various infections. Meredith didn't have time to think of the outcomes, though. There were risks with every surgery, and she knew that when she became a surgeon. Of course, no one becomes a surgeon thinking about the negative outcomes. Surgeons become surgeons to save lives. At least, most do.<p>

Meredith sometimes questioned why she became a surgeon, though. To save lives, yes, but also because it seemed like some sort of "rite of passage." Her mother had been an extraordinary surgery who, even though she had been a crappy mother, Meredith had looked up to. She wanted to prove to her mother that she, too, could be extraordinary.

She wasn't thinking about that as she made a careful skin incision behind the patient's hairline. Meredith felt her heart pounding anxiously as she made her first cuts. A rush of excitement gushed inside her body; her stomach tingled; and she felt like a little girl who was about to open her first Christmas present on Christmas morning: that's how she felt every time she cut into a human brain. It was a feeling like no other. A feeling she had never been able to feel in General surgery or any other specialty.

And it was at that moment Meredith realized she was exactly where she belonged.

A typical craniotomy takes three to five hours barring any complications. After the skin incision was made, Meredith prepared to perform the actual craniotomy, which consisted of opening the skull. The skin and muscles were lifted off the bone and folded back. She inserted a special saw through the burr holes, using the craintome to cut the outline of a bone flap. She lifted the bone flap and removed it, exposing the protective covering of the brain, called the dura. She passed the bone flap off to a scrub nurse, who would be responsible for ensuring the bone flap was safely stored until the surgery was over.

Meanwhile, Dr. Warren assisted her in opening the dura with surgical scissors. She folded the dura back, exposing the brain, placing the retractors on the brain to very gently open a corridor to the area of the brain that needed repairing.

Hours passed as Meredith focused her full attention on her patient's brain. One wrong move could cause her patient paralysis. Or worse: death. It was a scary thought that Meredith didn't like to think about while she was working. It was an outcome she couldn't afford to think about. For surgeons, regardless of specialty, it was important to focus on the present, not the possible future. For neurosurgeons, focus was key. Every little detail was important.

After she'd completed the craniotomy, she prepared to close up. Surgery had gone smooth. Meredith was reluctant to look at the clock until she finished closing, because she couldn't risk being tempted to rush. She wanted to make it home for her son's birthday, but right now, she held a human life in her hands, and that had to be her first priority.

She finished by placing the bone flap back in its original position and closing the patient completely. She exhaled a sigh of relief.

"We're done," she said. She smiled at Warren and glanced at the clock. It was four-thirty. _Crap_. Clearly, she had moved slower than she had planned. Even if she managed to scrub out, change, and leave the hospital within the next fifteen minutes, it was unlikely she would be able to make it back to the house in time. She would be fighting rush hour traffic. It took a good forty-five minutes to get back to their house during rush hour traffic. That was one of the negatives of living in the middle of nowhere. "Warren, can you handle it from here?" she asked her resident.

"I've got it," Warren insisted. "I'll monitor her vitals and page you if I need you."

"Thank you," Meredith said gratefully. She scrubbed out and headed to the Attendings' lounge to change. Her iPhone buzzed as she was waiting for the elevator (which was moving unusually slow, or maybe she was just being overly impatient). Derek was calling her. She exhaled sharply, groaning as she answered, "Look, I know I'm running late. I just got out of surgery…"

"Oh, good, you're still at the hospital. I was hoping you'd still be there." The sense of relief that was present in Derek's voice confused Meredith.

"Wait? What? How is that a good thing?" Meredith asked, rubbing her forehead, attempting to make sense of why Derek could possibly be _hoping _she was still at the hospital.

"I forgot something in my office, and I was hoping you could pick it up for me," Derek explained. The NIH had come and packed up the items that belonged to them after he'd resigned, though the hospital had allowed him to keep the larger office space.

"Okay, what did you forget? I was just about to change and head home," Meredith explained breathlessly. "But I guess I could make a quick stop by your office." As far as she knew, she was the only person with a spare key to his office.

"That would be great," Derek released a sigh of relief.

"Okay, what do you need me to get?" Meredith asked, stepping onto the elevator, pressing the floor that her husband's office was on.

"What?" Derek sounded confused.

"Um, what did you forget? You said you forgot something, but you didn't say what," Meredith pointed out; now she, too, was perplexed.

"Oh, right! Um...there's a manila envelope on my desk. It's sitting by my computer. You can't miss it," Derek answered quickly.

"Okay," she said slowly, deciding not to ask what was in the envelope, though she was curious. She couldn't imagine that Derek actually planned on doing something work-related during their son's first birthday party. "Did Nancy pick up your mom from the airport?"

"Yeah, Mom's here. Everything's looking good. Don't worry, Meredith. I should let you go now. See you soon," Derek said hurriedly, and he ended the call before Meredith had a chance to respond.

_Okay, _she thought_, that was weird_, reflecting on Derek's rushed voice, and the strange mission he was sending her on for a manila envelope. She decided not to read too into it, though, because she would end up driving herself crazy. Derek should know by now that saying _Don't worry_ to her only made her worry more. Meredith hoped that everything was truly _looking good_, as Derek had said. So, she walked toward Derek's office, not passing a single doctor on her way. She did, however, pass numerous nurses and orderlies.

The next signal that something was off came when Meredith arrived in front of Derek's office, where she discovered the door was already wide open. Again, as far as she knew, she was the only person with a spare key. _Something's not right, _Meredith thought anxiously; her heart pounded vigorously as she prepared herself to enter the office space, fearing the person or persons who may be inside. Standing in the doorway, she froze and was taken aback when she locked eyes with the person sitting at her husband's desk.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thought I'd go ahead and post what I have written. Originally, this chapter was going to be much longer, but I thought this would be a fun cliffhanger. :) I'm grateful for all of you who are still with me. If you're still reading and haven't reviewed in a while, please don't be shy. I love hearing from my readers. **


	53. Chapter 53

"What are you doing?" A bewildered gasp escaped Meredith's lungs, followed by an invigorating sense of relief waving through her every limb as she gratefully acknowledged that it was _just _Amelia.

The relief didn't last long, though, as Meredith soon was overwhelmed with perplexity, noting that Amelia was supposed to be at the house, helping prepare Bailey's birthday party. Why on Earth was she sitting behind Derek's desk? Moreover, Amelia wasn't even supposed to be at Grey Sloan Memorial, since she was supposed to be taking it easy for the remainder of her pregnancy. Meredith eyed Amelia's distended, swollen belly, where her sister-in-law's hands nonchalantly rested atop.

Amelia exhaled sharply. Then, dodging the question, she said, "I need to ask your opinion on something. I thought about talking to Derek. Well, I'm going to have to eventually, but I wanted to run it by you first. You know, just to hear your opinion. You're married to my brother, and you've spent far more time with him in recent years, so you know how he'll react better than I do-"

"What are you talking about?" Meredith cut off Amelia's ramble, stepping into the room while trying to comprehend Amelia's present motive. Something was off, and Meredith wasn't a blind fool. She immediately suspected that Derek and Amelia were up to no good, and Amelia had been sent to Derek's office to distract Meredith from coming home. Meredith wondered if everything really was _good _as Derek had claimed. Surely, something was wrong. That was why Amelia was here. Derek had sent Meredith to his office knowing that Amelia would be there waiting to distract her.

_The manila envelope, _Meredith thought, recalling the mission Derek had sent her on. She had begun to wonder if the envelope even existed, or if Derek had made it up as a decoy. Meredith's eyes scoped the desk, where Derek had insisted such an envelope would lie.

Sure enough, Meredith's eyes made contact with a manila envelope laying on the wooden desk directly in front of her sister-in-law. It was laying prongs up. Amelia appeared to notice Meredith's eyes wandering, because she took her hands off her belly and leaned forward, covering the envelope with her arms as she stretched out her arms over the desk, grunting. Meredith suspiciously lifted an eyebrow.

Amelia groaned and shook her head. "It's...it's Owen," she sighed.

"Okay," Meredith responded slowly. "What did Owen do now?" Amelia and Owen's relationship had been seemingly drama-free in recent weeks. Amelia had moved into Owen's trailer, so Meredith and Derek didn't see much of them. Cristina had backed down and appeared to finally be accepting that Owen was moving on. Meredith wasn't sure if Amelia and Cristina would ever be friends, nor did she expect them to be, but she was glad that her best friend had stopped throwing insults towards her sister-in-law.

"He wants to build us a house," blurted Amelia.

A chuckle escaped Meredith's lips, recalling her own reaction to the first time Derek had brought up building a house.

"It's not funny!" Amelia insisted. "It's too soon, right? I've only known him for, what, six weeks? Oh, God. Nancy and Kate are right. I moved on way too fast. I _must _be insane. James is barely in his coffin, and I'm already living with another guy. It's not right. It's too soon."

"Hm, well, you do have a point," Meredith shrugged. "It is pretty soon."

Amelia's head fell into her hands. Meredith realized she was crying. "I'm so stupid," Amelia sobbed. "What is wrong with me? I keep telling lie after lie, and digging myself in bigger holes. I just wanted my baby to have a good life. That's why I came here. I thought you and Derek could give him a life that I couldn't. Owen _was not _in the plans, and now I'm screwed."

"Amelia, slow down," Meredith cut in. "What lies?"

_I've told so many lies, _something she'd heard Amelia tell Owen a few weeks ago when Amelia was in the hospital replayed in Meredith's head.

"I can't…" Amelia sobbed; Meredith moved closer to her sister-in-law. "I-I see you and Derek. I see you and your two beautiful children, and I want that. I want that more than you know. I'm envious. I see the way Derek looks at you. I've never seen him look at anyone like he looks at you, and I want that so much. I want someone to look at me like Derek looks at you for the rest of my life. You two love each other so much, and everyone can tell that. And...I might love Owen. But I'm scared to love him. It's too soon...it's too soon…after James...too soon…" Her cries jumbled her words, making her difficult to understand. Amelia's tears soaked into the manila envelope. "Oh crap, and now I'm ruining this, too." She pushed the envelope away, to prevent any more tears from dropping on it.

"Derek told me to get that envelope," Meredith said, inquisitively raising an eyebrow as she looked at Amelia. "You know what's in it."

"I-I don't know anything," Amelia insisted. "Nothing. _No thing." _Amelia reminded Meredith of herself so much in that moment.

Meredith exhaled. "You know, I was scared to love Derek, too. Terrified, actually. I remember when he showed me his dream house outline the first time. I freaked. Completely. We broke up after that."

"You broke up because he showed you house plans?" Amelia wiped the tears from her cheek.

"He wanted someone to build a life and family with. I wasn't ready for that at the time," Meredith answered honestly, gulping as she rehashed those old memories. They weren't her fondest memories. She had convinced herself that Derek didn't want _her _per se, he'd wanted anyone who would give him the things he wanted. He'd wanted to settle down, and she just hadn't been ready at the time. _Oh, how we've grown, _she thought, swallowing.

"Derek didn't really tell us much about you," Amelia confessed. "Then again, I also lost touch with my family. I wasn't in communication with any of my sisters. Derek and I barely spoke after he moved to Seattle. Even Addison, who was my best friend when she was on the East Coast, lost touch with me when she moved to Seattle. I went off and did my own thing, finished my residency at Johns Hopkins and started my fellowship. All I wanted was to get my life on track. I thought that if I could do that, it would make up for all the mistakes I'd made, but oh was I wrong."

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked.

"I threw it all away when I relapsed, and I keep screwing up. How do you do it? Stop screwing up? How do you move forward? I keep trying and trying to move forward, but it seems like every step I take forward, I end up taking two steps back," Amelia groaned; her eyes were bloodshot with tears.

"I think that's life," Meredith answered. "You're never gonna stop making mistakes, and you're never gonna stop being scared. Believe me, I've made my fair share of mistakes, and I'm terrified of making more. You don't think I question if taking this fellowship was a mistake? It's added stress on top of my already hectic life. General surgery was the easy route, or so I thought so. It allowed me to log less hours, even though I was miserable. It allowed me to spend more time with my children and avoid conflict with Derek at work. It was an easy out. I wasn't happy, but I was able to avoid fear. Changing specialties is probably the scariest thing I've done in a long time, plus taking on another child. Do you think any of that is easy? Do you think that's not scary? Because it is. It's absolutely terrifying."

"Yeah, but you have Derek supporting you every step of the way. He'll never leave your side, and God, I see the way he looks at you. I've never seen him look like he looks at you at _anyone_ before, and I think: I want that. I want what you and Derek have. You two love each other _so _much, and I think...Owen and I could have that. But then I think...am I truly worthy of him? He's been through so much trauma, and he deserves great. He deserves amazing. He deserves wonderful. I'm none of those things."

Meredith exhaled through her nose. "Amelia, do you think for a second that I've thought I was worthy of Derek? Not a chance. Still to this day, I question whether or not I'm worthy of him. But does any of that matter? All that matters is he loves you and you love him. If you love him, then don't let him go. Don't be stupid. Don't lose Owen like I almost lost Derek."

Amelia bit her lip and swallowed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. They locked eyes and Amelia nodded. "T-Thanks." She swallowed again. "So, do you really think Derek would be okay with selling some of his land to Owen and I?"

"Mommy!" a little girl's squeal interrupted before Meredith could react to Amelia's bombshell of a question. Amelia's question completely vanished from Meredith's mind as she turned around and saw her three-year-old daughter running toward her. Behind her, Blake walked slowly.

"Zozo!" Meredith gasped in shock. "What are you and Blake doing here?" She bent down and swept her daughter into her arms.

"We comes lookin' for you!" Zola announced.

"Tell me you're not - " _By yourself,_ Meredith's jaw dropped as Derek soon entered the room shortly thereafter with their handsome birthday boy in his arms. The little boy's bright blue eyes lit up when he saw his mother.

"Mama!" Bailey babbled, reaching for his mother. Meredith set Zola down, who ran over to her Aunt Amelia as Meredith gaped in awe at her son as she took him from his father's arms.

"What's going on?" Meredith demanded, a frightening panic chilled in her bones. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you all back at the house? Is everything okay? Tell me the house didn't burn down or something…"

"Meredith, relax," Derek's face lit up with a smile; a twinkle in his eye glimmered as his gaze aimed directly at his wife and son.

"Can we showed Mommy the surprises now, Daddy?" Zola asked anxiously, her brown orbs glowed with excitement.

"Shhhhhh," Blake placed his finger over his lips. "You nots sposta say anything, Zo. It's a _secret_, remember?"

Zola clasped her tiny hands over her mouth. "Oopsie! I'm sowwy, Daddy! I a bad girl." Genuine remorse plagued the little girl's face. Meredith turned to her husband.

"It's okay, Zola. I think it's time to show Mommy the surprise," Derek smiled cheerfully at the little girl.

Meredith rose her eyebrows. "Surprise, Derek? You know how I hate surprises." Meredith smirked nervously, wondering what Derek could possibly have hidden up his sleeve now.

"Well," Amelia exhaled. "I think _my _job is done. I'm out of here. Plus, I don't need another reminder of how pathetic my life is. I'll see you all at the party." Amelia stood up and started wobbling toward the door.

"Hold your little pregnant a-_butt_ up," Meredith said, managing to stop herself from saying the word _ass _in front of the children. "You knew about this, whatever it is, and I had to listen to your little sob story, which was clearly just meant as a distraction. You're staying."

"Really, I'm not needed, and I think it's best if you have this moment to yourselves...trust me, you'll like it. You're a fool if you don't," Amelia shrugged. Meredith froze as Amelia continued toward the door. Before she could leave, Derek grabbed his sister's shoulder and whispered something in her ear that was inaudible to Meredith.

"Okay, okay, enough with the secrets," Meredith pleaded. "I _hate _surprises, so just tell me already." Derek pulled away from Amelia's ear, and she nodded then left, leaving Meredith with Derek and the three children. Blake and Zola both hopped into Derek's chair. Zola's grabbed the manila envelope on the desk.

"Zola, it's time. Give Mommy the envelope," Derek told his daughter. He took the baby from Meredith's arms as Zola gallantly held the envelope and raced to her mother.

"Here you go, Mommy!" Zola announced, handing the envelope over to her mother. Meredith immediately took note the thickness of the paper envelope, as if a book of sort could be inside.

"Derek, what is it?" she asked, eying her husband, swallowing as she traced the envelope's folds with her fingers, her heart pounding fiercely against her chest.

"Open it," Derek smiled warmly, and she slid her fingertips under the folds and tore it open. A hardcover book fell into her hands. The cover design instantly caught her eyes along with the title:

_This is What Dreams are Made Of: _

_Our Forever_

Meredith's heart filled with joy, swallowing as she studied the cover photo: A black and white picture of her and Derek faded in the background, taken not long after they'd started dating the first time around. Her fingers meticulously, very carefully, meddled between the cover and the first page as she opened it.

She couldn't not grin when she saw the first page, a replicated version of the blue post-it note that she and Derek had signed, which felt like forever ago.

_Love each other when we hate each other._

_No running._

_Take care of each other when old, senile, and smelly. _

**_This is forever._**

"Derek," she whispered, tears lingering her eyes as she carefully flipped through the pages of the picture book, reviewing her life's tale of life, love, and family. The first picture in the book being a photo of her holding Zola on the first day she'd met her, the day that Derek had paged her into the room to tell her that he thought they should adopt her.

Next, there were several photos of the day and days that followed when they'd gotten her back after losing her. They all looked so happy, so cheery. Flash forward through months of Zola's baby photos, she landed on a timeline of pregnancy photos. Derek had included photos of each pregnancy stage, the first coming from the day she'd told him that she was pregnant. A photograph of Zola's little pink "World's Best Big Sister" T-shirt had been included. Derek labeled the stages, including ultrasound pictures, and a photo of Zola with her hand on Mommy's belly.

"Where?" she gasped. "Where did you get all these?" Teardrops stung her eyes.

"We take _a lot _of pictures on our phones, Meredith," Derek chuckled. "And I may have taken a bunch off your iPad. Remember when you found those pictures on my iPad?" She couldn't forget. And Derek hadn't even known the password to her iPad. She remembered giving it to him when she confronted him about the nude photos on his iPad. He must have taken the photos from her iPad after that. Derek laughed, "If you look at your outbox, you'll notice I sent _a lot _of photos to my email address."

"Don't you like it, Mommy?" Zola innocently asked. "You crwying."

"I love it, Zola," Meredith responded, swallowing the wad of spit that had accumulated in her throat from the tears. "These are happy tears, baby girl." A tear dropped from her eyelid onto the paper. "And crap, crap, crap! I'm going to ruin the book with my happy tears." She carefully set the book on the desk. Derek grabbed a tissue to dry the page. He then handed her a tissue so she could dry her eyes, which she did.

"Me and Daddy made it!" Zola announced.

"Did you?" Meredith smiled.

"It was intended as a Mother's Day gift, but I thought giving it to you today would be just as good, if not better," Derek explained. "Plus, it didn't arrive until this morning. Couldn't have had better timing."

She leaned into her husband to give him a soft, wet peck on the lips.

"Ewwww," Zola and Blake both sounded. Bailey was too young to respond to his parents kissing with him being in his mother's arms.

"Bailey won't remember this day, Meredith, but you and I will. And it's even more important to you than it is me. In fact, it's more important to you than it is anyone in the world. Today's the day, one year ago, you showed us that anything is possible. We'd been kicked down so many times, and we thought all hope was lost, and then our miracle baby came into our lives." Derek gently touched Bailey's blond head. "You, Meredith, never cease to amaze me, and I feel like the luckiest guy alive when I look at our son's face and see you."

She was now crying full-fledged tears.

"You still cwyin' happy tears, Momma?" Zola asked worriedly.

"Yes, baby," Meredith assured her daughter, setting Bailey in between Blake and Zola in Derek's chair. "All happy tears." She grinned, revealing her teeth to show Zola that she truly was happy, because she was. Happy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt _this _happy.

Perhaps it was the day Bailey was born. One year ago.

"Oh, 'cause you didn't look at the whole book," Zola observed, taking the book into her own hands. "You gots to see the end." She began flipping through the book with her own tiny hands with Meredith and Derek both standing over her as she did. Meredith watched as a year flipped away before her eyes, pictures of both Zola and Bailey filled the pages. Finally, Zola landed on the last page, revealing a photo of Blake and Bailey; Zola and Blake; and lastly, Zola, Blake, and Bailey.

"The reason I didn't get the book until today," Derek smiled.

"Blake's family too," Zola explained, wrapping her arms around both Blake and Bailey. "I love my bwothers."

The cuteness wasn't helping with Meredith's mass of tears. She'd turned weepy and sappy. What had happened to her? She was happy that Cristina wasn't here to see her like this, because she wasn't in the mood to hear sarcastic comments. To think she'd tried to get Amelia to stay. She'd never been so grateful to share a moment with her children and husband alone.

She wrapped her arm around Derek and kissed his cheek. "I love our family, too," she grinned, wiping her tears away.

"We're truly lucky," Derek nodded, embracing her in his arms. "Now," he paused, grinning widely. "Are you ready to go to Bailey's party?"

She'd almost missed the _very _last page in the book, which read:

_To be continued..._

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter is short, but I just had to post it the way it is. It's about as fluffy as I go as a person who doesn't write much fluff. This idea came to me, and I co****uldn't let it pass me by. So, I hope you enjoyed it. We can get back to the drama next chapter, because no birthday party with the Shepherd-Grey family can survive drama-free.**

**Speaking of birthday parties, check out the fanfic **_**CileSuns92 **_**and I are co-writing called "A Storm is Going to Come." You can find it on her account. We're balancing my love for angst and her love for fluff into one big fanfic (and maybe her love for fluff is rubbing off on me a little. I don't know. What do you guys think of this chapter?) Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and you'll check out "A Storm is Going to Come" if you haven't already. **


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: I know, I know, it's been almost a month since I've updated. I haven't forgotten this story, or my other fanfic, _Survivor_. This story is no longer even remotely canon, like it was last spring, so I don't feel the urgency to update as often as I did. However, I haven't forgotten about it, and it will be completed! _A Storm is Going to Come _is practically canon right now, so that's why it's taking priority.**

**Also, I couldn't write this chapter while we were writing Zola's birthday party in _Storm_. I think you'll see why...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters that you recognize, but I do own Blake, Angie, and Chris. **

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><p>Zola and Blake each clung tightly onto one of Meredith's hands as the family headed toward the hospital front door; Derek was beside her with Bailey in his arms.<p>

"Should we find Amelia?" Meredith asked, remembering that her sister-in-law was still somewhere in the hospital, hopefully not working since she was supposed to be taking it easy. During the time she had spent with the youngest Shepherd sister, though, Meredith had realized that Amelia was just as stubborn as the rest of her family. Stubbornness was in their blood ties.

"We should," Derek agreed, an ostensive and conniving smile written all over his face. "Maybe we should go this way…" Derek directed Meredith and the kids to the right. Blake and Zola pulled Meredith's hands, eagerly following after Derek.

"I can call her," Meredith offered, trying to let go of Zola's hand for a moment so she could reach into her pocket to pull out her cell phone.

"No, Mommy, no! We gots to go," Zola was insistent, holding tightly onto her mother's hand, pulling her down the hallway.

"Honey, we have to go home. The party is at…"

Before Meredith could finish her sentence, the sounds of boisterous voices interrupted. Happy, friendly voices came from down the hallway, and she could tell that it wasn't the sounds of gossiping nurses.

"Derek, what's going on?" she asked her husband, trying to figure out where he was leading her.

He grinned. "Come on and see." He was beaming, his eyes glistening with elation, his smile warm with hints of mischievousness.

She bit her lip, sensing she knew in that moment exactly what he was up to.

And she was right.

Her children and husband led her into a hospital room, and Meredith's suspicions were confirmed. Meredith jaw dropped as she came face to face with the happy glowing faces.

"Surprise!" the crowd beamed, and Meredith knew then that they weren't saying surprise to the birthday boy; he was only one year old. He wouldn't even remember this party. Meredith's heart filled with warmth as she looked around at the room. Streamers and balloons added to the birthday atmosphere, and a big sign hung from the ceiling read: _Happy birthday, Bailey!_

Familiar faces filled the room. Amelia stood beside Callie, Arizona, and Sofia. Several of Zola's and Bailey's little friends from daycare and their parents were nearby. The rest of the guests consisted of Derek's family.

The only person missing was Cristina. Though, Meredith wasn't too alarmed by her best friend's absence, imagining that Cristina had gotten caught up in surgery. Besides, what fun could she possibly have at a child's birthday party? Meredith knew that Cristina loved her kids, but being surrounded by a crowd of kids definitely wasn't Cristina's forte.

Meredith's eyes fixed on Carolyn Shepherd, who was standing near her daughter, Nancy, and her oldest grandson and his wife-to-be. The older woman looked overjoyed to be there.

"We bringed the party to you, Mommy!" Zola announced proudly. "Do you like it?"

A happy laugh escaped Meredith's lips. "I love it, Zola." Meredith was smiling as wide as she could smile now. Her eyes filled with water as she turned to her husband. "Derek," she mouthed, completely in awe.

Derek's eyes twinkled, and he kissed their son's forehead then handed him to Meredith. Meredith welcomed her son into her arms with a joyful, gallant hug. With a wide smile on his face, Derek said, "I knew that you were going to be in surgery, and you were worried about missing the party. So, I thought…why not bring the party to you?"

"Don't let him kid you," Nancy laughed, standing right behind Derek now, her eyes showcasing the Shepherd twinkle. "It was my idea."

Derek sighed, confirming his sister's statement. "Okay, it was her idea."

"But it was his idea to use me as a distraction." Amelia stood beside Meredith, one hand rested on her swollen belly. She shrugged. "I told him it was a bad idea."

"She did," Derek acknowledged, eying his wife. "Was it?"

Meredith couldn't stop grinning, though.

"I'll take from the look on her face that no, it wasn't," Nancy beamed.

Amelia rolled her eyes; Meredith sensed that there's more that Amelia would like to say that she wouldn't say in front of her brother and sister. She might have to get to the bottom of that later, since she had a feeling that even though Derek had used Amelia as a distraction tactic, many – if not all – of Amelia's issues were real.

"It's nice to see you again, Meredith," Derek's mother greeted her warmly, a kind and gentle smile on her face. "Look at that little boy of yours. I can't believe my youngest grandson is a year old."

"Well, he won't be your youngest grandson for long," Meredith eyed Amelia, whose cheeks reddened.

"You're having a boy?" Carolyn's eyes narrowed on Amelia. Her eyes directed back to Meredith. "She didn't even tell me she was pregnant. I had to find out from Nancy."

Amelia swallowed, clearly unsure of how to respond. "I'm sorry, Mom." There's tension in Carolyn's face when she looks at her youngest her daughter. Before she can say another word, though, a recognizable face makes vehement appearance, and he has baked goods.

"I hope I'm not late," Alex breathlessly announced, specifically looking at Meredith. "I was at home. Izzie was having one of her manic episodes. She won't stop baking. She claims it's the only thing that helps with her headaches. She told me to bring these."

He revealed the blue frosted vanilla cupcakes, covered with red and white sprinkles.

Derek took the cupcakes from Alex and set them next to the other treats.

"Headaches are a normal side effect from the surgery she had. Though, she shouldn't be alone if she's having them," Meredith said, now worried about Izzie.

"She's not alone. Jo's with her," Alex explained. "How's the birthday boy?" He smiled warmly at the little boy in Meredith's arms.

"He's great," Meredith replied, proud of her son. She spoke too soon. Bailey started squirming in her arms. He clearly wanted to play with the other kids. Reluctantly, she decided to let him down. He was fast to join Zola and Blake as Blake was spotting Alex.

"Daddy!" Blake proudly sang, bouncing up and running toward Alex. He wrapped his arms around Alex, and Alex lifted up the child. The resemblance between the two seemed to become stronger every day. Meredith studied the little changes in Blake that made him look more and more like Alex every day. It was a good thing that Blake was getting to know Alex. She only hoped the courts would go in Alex's favor, given the circumstances. She couldn't imagine Alex not getting custody of his son.

Alex had grown up so much in the past couple years. Had Izzie showed up even last year with Blake, Meredith wouldn't have been so confident that Alex could tackle fatherhood. Now, there wasn't a doubt in her mind that Alex would be a good father to Blake. Blake couldn't ask for a better father.

She saw how Alex looked at Blake, and she saw nothing but love in his eyes. Meredith's eyes spotted her own husband, who was busy entertaining the kids. Alex had the same glow in his eyes when he looked at Blake that Derek had when he looked at Zola and Bailey.

Alex set Blake down. "Go play with your friends, bud." Blake nodded, eagerly rejoining the other kids.

"I'll never be able to thank you enough for doing this for me, Mer," Alex sighed. "He's such a happy little boy."

"He misses Izzie," Meredith admitted.

"I don't deserve him," Alex responded dismally. "It's my fault that he's not with his mother right now. It's my fault that the courts are involved."

"You're right about the second statement," Meredith acknowledged, nodding. "However, if it hadn't been for you, Izzie might be dead right now. If she hadn't been in the car accident, we might not have caught her tumor when we did. Indirectly, you saved her life."

"But what kind of life is this for her? Being chased by lawyers and police? It's not fair. And now she has to live with the guilt of taking not one life, but two. You know how big her heart is, Mer. I'm not sure if she can live with herself," Alex admitted. "She can't handle the blame."

Meredith nodded, knowing that Alex was right. "But she has you. That's everything. And Jo's been really supportive."

"She has," Alex agreed. "To be honest, if I were Jo, I would have dumped my ass the minute Izzie showed up. Jo is such a better person than I am. Just another person I don't deserve."

"Oh, shut up, Alex," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"Mommy, it not nice to say shut up!" Zola's sweet, demanding voice interrupted, and Meredith realized her daughter was standing next to her.

"You're right, Zola," Meredith nodded. "It's not nice at all."

"Say sorry to Uncle Alex," Zola demanded, crossing her arms, giving her mother an attitude that was too cute for words.

Meredith and Alex both chuckled. "I'm sorry, Uncle Alex," Meredith followed her daughter's orders.

"Good Mommy. Now, can we have cake?" Zola's eyes lit up with hopefulness. She wasn't eying Izzie's cupcakes, though. She was eying a much bigger, round cake sitting in the middle of the snack table. The cake was clearly homebaked. She imagined that Amelia and Angie had been involved with the baking of the cake.

She looked over top it, admiring the pretty green frosting and the cute purple Barney, Baby Bop, and B.J. statues on top of the cake. Purple icing laced around the cake, and the yellow text read: _Happy 1st Birthday, Bailey! _Whoever had designed the cake clearly knew more about cake art than she did.

"I bake cakes on the side. It's my second job," a voice from behind spoke. Meredith spotted about-ready-to-pop Angie standing behind her. "Really, it's more than a job. It's my passion."

"It's beautiful," Meredith complimented the woman. Her long blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She looked absolutely exhausted, and Meredith felt a little bad that she had probably been on her feet all day designing this gorgeous cake for Bailey, considering Bailey was her fiancé's cousin and they'd all just met for the first time only a week or so ago. Meredith was more than grateful that she'd been willing to do such a kind gesture for them. "Thank you… thank you so much."

"I took pictures, too. I have a Facebook page where I post all my cakes, so I'll tag you. I have about five thousand followers," Angie confided, completely wowing Meredith.

"That's definitely impressive," Meredith responded.

"I'd love to get some pictures of the birthday boy, too. Photography...it's another hobby of mine. Definitely just a hobby, though. I like baking cakes, and I like to take pictures of people enjoying my cakes," Angie laughed.

"You just do it all, don't you?" Meredith smiled.

"Not even close. I still can't cook a turkey right, and I never learned to ride a bike." Angie laughed. "And I'm absolutely terrified of motherhood." She rubbed her pumpkin-sized belly in a circular motion.

"I wish I could comfort you, but I'd have to say motherhood is the scariest thing I've ever done. It's scarier than removing an inoperable butterfly tumor," Meredith confessed, just being truthful. She didn't want to heighten Angie's stress levels, but it was the hard truth and Meredith was a firm believer in truth telling.

"Well, that's comforting," exhaled Angie, taking a Nikon camera out of its camera bag and wrapping it around her neck. "I'll gladly get some pictures with the kids and the kids."

"Does that mean we get to eat cake?" Meredith realized Zola was still nearby, and clearly she was still very excited about having cake.

"Go get your little brother, and then we can have cake," Meredith instructed her daughter.

"I dunno where he is," Zola shrugged her shoulders. Meredith's heart dropped into her stomach. What did Zola mean that she didn't know where Bailey was?

Meredith's heart rate quickened as she investigated the room, searching for her son. Sofia and some other kids from daycare were playing with playdough at a nearby table. Derek was entertaining them, building his own castle with playdough.

"Derek!" Meredith snarled, tapping her husband's shoulder. "Where's our son?"

"What do you mean? He's right…" Derek turned to the empty chair next to him. "He was right here, I swear. We were building a castle with...oh no!" Panic exploded on Derek's face, too, as he shared a look of worry with his wife. "Bailey!" he called.

"How did you lose him? He was sitting right next to you!" Meredith sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I-I don't know. I guess I was so invested in my castle," Derek frowned, looking a tad bit embarrassed. Together, they started searching the room for their son. There weren't _that _many people there. He had to be nearby. And they knew everyone.

"You are such a child," Meredith scoffed at her husband, continuing the quest to look for Bailey. She looked under every table and around every piece of furniture. He was just a little boy. He couldn't have gone far.

Just as she was about to make an announcement to the entire party, a soft voice came from behind. "Are you looking for someone?" Meredith twirled around, releasing a breath of relief when she saw her mother-in-law holding the blond little boy in her arms.

"There you are!" Meredith could breathe normally again, extending her arms to take her little boy. "You gave Mommy and Daddy a scare." She smiled at Carolyn. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I saw him crawling around by himself near the door. Thought he wasn't supposed to be there," Carolyn winked. "Those toddlers, they move fast…"

Great. Just great. Now her mother-in-law thought she was a bad mother who couldn't handle her own child.

"He was supposed to be playing with playdough with Derek, but _Derek _was too invested in his castle to notice that his son was missing," Meredith replied, not trying to play the 'blame game' or anything, or try to make Derek look bad to his mother; she was just telling the truth.

Carolyn laughed at that. "Derek always did have a fascination with playdough, and he always had to make a castle. These boys...they never grow up." She grinned at Bailey, pinching his little dimple. "Do they, Bailey? You'll probably grow up before your daddy, huh?"

That made Meredith laugh, too, the worry of her mother-in-law thinking she was a bad mother fizzled away. "Oh, I can believe it, if I can help it." And as soon as the words escaped her lips, she frowned. "I don't mean that you were a bad parent. Derek's great. You raised a good man." She tried to cover up her words.

"There's no such thing as a perfect mother, Meredith," Carolyn winked, nodding at Meredith. "We're all flawed, but we do what we can. Live and learn. Personally, I prefer grandmotherhood much more than I did motherhood. You'll agree with me one day, I'm sure."

Meredith bit her lip, widening her eyes, unable to fathom being a grandmother. She was just adjusting to motherhood.

Hopefully she wouldn't be a grandmother for a long, long time.

"Looks like Bay didn't get kidnappeded!" Zola's small voice came from behind. Meredith's heart stopped for a split second, shocked that her three-year-old thought that her brother had been kidnapped. She was too young to know what kidnapping was, or to have that thought run through her head. Meredith wondered if Blake or one of her other daycare friends had planted the thought in her head. "Can we has cake now?"

Meanwhile, Derek came toward her, a relieved smile came over his face when he saw Bailey in her arms. "Where was he?" he asked, kissing the back of Bailey's forehead.

"Your mother had him," Meredith explained. "He was trying to escape the party. He's just like his daddy. Aren't you, bud?" Meredith nuzzled her nose against Bailey's cheek. The little boy giggled.

"I don't escape parties. You don't invite me," Derek insisted.

"I don't invite you because you hate them," Meredith winked. Zola tugged at her scrubs. She hadn't had a chance to change into street clothes, since Derek had sent her straight to his office before she'd had a chance to change.

"Momma, cake," Zola begged.

"We have to get some pictures first, baby girl," Meredith told her daughter, hoping that would calm her down, but she was wrong.

Zola crossed her arms and stomped her feet. "I want cake, _now_."

She handed Bailey to his father, trusting that Derek wouldn't lose him again, and she opened the container, revealing the blue-frosted cupcakes.

Meredith eyed the cupcakes sitting next to the cake. "Then you can have some cake right now. Blake's mommy made some cupcakes." For once, Meredith was grateful for the spare cake, even as bizarre as she had thought it was when Alex walked in with more cake. One thing's for certain, they'll all be caked out tonight. The kids should sleep soundly tonight, once they come down from their sugar high.

"Ooooh, pretty cake," Zola gleamed at the round cupcake. Meredith set a cupcake on a party plate, covering up Barney's big smile. The party planners had really gone Barney themed with the party. At least they weren't playing the obnoxious music in the background. Yet. She'd heard Barney's version of _I Love You _and _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star _enough times for an entire lifetime.

Meredith wondered if the Barney theme had been Zola and/or Blake's idea, since both had recently started going through the Barney phase. It'd started when Blake moved in, so Meredith suspected it was Blake's love that he'd passed onto Zola. She and Blake would dance around the house singing _I Love You _all day long. It was cute when the kids sang the song. Not so cute when that stupid purple dinosaur did, though.

She sat Zola down at a table and put the cupcake in front of the little girl, knowing she was going to regret giving Zola a cupcake when they would cut the big cake soon, and she would most definitely want some of that cake too. Zola would be in a sugar daze. Damn Izzie and her cupcakes.

"What is she eating?" Derek's voice came from behind. Meredith turned, seeing he still had Bailey in his arms. His eyes were bug-eyed, staring at his daughter, who was fully engrossed in her cupcake. "Is she eating cake already?"

"Yummy cake!" Zola giggled, blue frosting covered her face already.

"I thought we hadn't cut the cake…" Derek looked genuinely confused and concerned.

"We haven't. Izzie sent cupcakes," explained Meredith, sighing. "She kept begging and we're not ready to cut the cake yet, so…"

"So you gave her cupcakes? Are you out of your mind?" Derek hissed in her ear.

"I know, I know," Meredith muttered, rolling her eyes. "I'll assume full responsibility when she's bouncing off the walls later, okay? With any luck, though, she'll crash early and sleep sound tonight."

"All that sugar isn't good for her," Derek reminded her.

"Just because you're a health nut doesn't mean Zola isn't allowed to enjoy some cake," Meredith responded hastily.

"I don't want my three-year-old to become a diabetic," Derek grumbled.

"A little cake at her brother's birthday is not going to make her diabetic, Mr. Neuro God," Meredith laughed. "Sugar doesn't make people diabetic. Diabetes occurs when the body doesn't properly produce insulin to regulate sugar, Genius."

"I know, I know. I'm just saying," Derek mumbled in her ear.

"Well, is the birthday boy ready for pictures?" Angie's voice came from behind.

"Pictures?" Derek locked eyes with Meredith, who was nodding.

"I think so. Are you ready to have your picture taken with the cake, Bails?" Meredith smiled, removing her son from his daddy's arms.

"All right, why don't you sit down in a chair behind the cake with Bailey, Meredith?" Angie asked, and Meredith complied, taking a seat.

"Mommy, Mommy, I wanna be in picture!" Zola, whose face was completely covered in blue frosting, was soon crying behind her. It became evident that Zola was very much jealous of all the attention her little brother was getting. Meredith eyed Derek, who seemed to catch onto Zola's jealousy as well.

Derek picked Zola up and said, "Why don't we let Mommy and Bailey take a few pictures with the cake, then you and I can jump in too? Let's wipe that frosting off your face first, though." He grabbed a Baby Bop napkin and wiped the frosting off Zola's face. Meanwhile, Angie was snapping pictures with Meredith and Bailey.

As promised, Derek and Zola hopped in the picture frame as soon as several had already been taken with Meredith and Bailey. Meredith face hurt from all the smiling, but it was a good kind of pain to be in. She loved her little boy so much, and she was more than grateful to celebrate the last year she'd spent with her miracle family. She wouldn't change her family for the world.

Then it was time to cut the cake.

She set Bailey into a high chair, where she gave him his very first serving of white cake. Derek remained occupied by serving cake to all the other little kids, while Meredith focused her attention on her little man.

"Can you say _cake_, Bails?" Meredith smiled, poking a piece of the white cake onto a fork. "Lookie, it's a bird," She couldn't say _airplane_. The word _airplane _still gave her chills, even though she had flown several times since the crash. "The birdie is coming to your mouth." The fork zoomed into Bailey's tiny mouth, and he took a bite. "Mmmm, right?"

"Mmmm." Bailey repeated with a mouthful cake inside his little cheeks. Drool ran down his lips.

"How's the birthday boy?" A familiar voice roused her attention. She hadn't realized Owen was at the party. Perhaps he had just joined them. He'd already helped himself to a plate of cake, and Amelia was sitting down beside him and Meredith.

"The birthday boy is great," Meredith smiled, patting the top of Bailey's head, not bothering to wipe the gunk from his face, since he was going to continue to make a mess until he was finished with his cake. His hands were also covered with cake and frosting.

Amelia pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of Bailey. "Couldn't resist," Amelia smiled.

Meredith laugh, eying Amelia's belly. "It won't be long before you'll have a little one of your own to snap pictures of. You'll understand the struggle of having to delete pictures to make room for more, and not knowing which ones to delete."

"Yeah, well, thank Goodness for the Cloud," Amelia shrugged, resting her hand on her belly. She frowned, her eyes widened, and a horrified look came across her face, as if she was just digesting the context of Meredith's statements.

"So, Owen…" Meredith began, but Amelia crossed her hands and shook her head, signaling for Meredith to stop. Meredith bit her lip, gazing into Owen's attentive bright blue eyes. "Could you go get us something to drink? I think I saw some sodas in the cooler near the cake?"

"Yeah, sure. What do you want?"

"I'll take a Sprite," Amelia nodded, looking relieved.

"I'll have a Pepsi," Meredith added. Open left his plate and did as he was asked.

"Phew," Amelia breathed a sigh of a relief. "Please, please, don't say anything to Owen about what I divulged in Derek's office. While it all have been a distraction tactic, it's all true, and I don't want him to know I'm freaking out."

"Secret's safe with me," Meredith said, stealing a bite of her son's cake crumbs. "Owen really wants to build a house on Derek's land?"

"Yeah...I know. I told him he needed to talk to Derek about it. I doubt Derek will want to sell him part of his land, anyway. It's all hypothetical. I'm probably freaking out for nothing…"

"Who's freaking out about what?" Nosy Nancy was standing behind them.

Meredith and Amelia locked eyes; Amelia's eyes were wide and bug eyed. "Um, no one," Meredith and Amelia said in unison.

"Oh. Well, it looks like the birthday boy is having a good time," Nancy smiled at her nephew. "Wow, it's been a long time since I've been around one this little."

"Looks like you're about to be a grandmother any second," Amelia pointed out; Meredith followed Amelia's eyes over to Angie, who was sitting next to Nancy's son Chris. Chris was a little quirky and socially awkward, much like his Uncle Derek. He even had the same cheesy grin on his face that Derek often had on his. Chris kept to himself and didn't of his way to talk to unfamiliar face. Angie did enough talking for both of them.

"Don't remind me," Nancy rolled her eyes, displeased by her sister's grandmother comment. "I will never be _Grandma_. I'll always be Aunt Nancy. Won't I, Bailey Bop?" Nancy touched Bailey's shoulder. "Having nieces and nephews this little keeps me young, and something tells me you're just starting, Amelia. Hey, Mer, when are you and Derek having another one of your own?"

Meredith choked on the cake crumb in her mouth, taken off guard by the question. Adding a third child to their family hadn't been a cakewalk, even though Blake was self sufficient. Taking care of Blake wasn't even remotely comparable to taking care of an infant. She was satisfied with the family she had right here. She and Derek had made the perfect little family together.

Nancy vanished before Meredith could even give a response; she was probably off to mingle with the other party guests, hopefully not making too much of a fool of herself. Meredith had to admit that Nancy had grown herself out of the "McBitchy" nickname, though.

She searched the room for Owen and saw that he had struck up a conversation with her husband.

Amelia sighed, her eyes also narrowed in on Derek and Owen. "I'm just...I'm losing it."

"Losing what?" Meredith didn't know what her sister-in-law was talking about.

"My mind," Amelia groaned. "I'm buried in lies, and I don't deserve Owen."

"You keep saying that. You know, the best way to eliminate lies is to start telling the truth. That's the only way you're going to move on," Meredith pointed out, helping Bailey take another bite of cake. "You're not helping yourself by repeating over and over that you're a liar. If there's something you need to get off your chest, just say it."

"I -"

"Attention!" A voice called out loudly before Amelia could finish. Carolyn Shepherd was standing in front of everyone, looking fearless. "Attention, everyone. I have an announcement to make."

All eyes were on Carolyn Shepherd.

"Ma, what is this about?" Derek asked, his face flushed.

"I have an announcement to make, dear." The room went silent. Even the children were silent. "Most of you are my family. Some of you've I just met today, and even if you're not blood related to me, you're family to my children, which by default makes you my family. Family isn't defined by blood ties. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Carolyn Shepherd. You probably know my children: Derek, Amelia, and Nancy. I'm Grandma to the birthday boy."

Meredith's eyes fixated on her husband. His cheeks were a bright, vibrant rosy color. He was clearly humiliated that his mother had decided to give a speech in front of everyone. Beside her, Amelia also looked mortified.

Nancy was the only Shepherd sibling who didn't seem fazed by her mother's speech. Probably because she'd lived on the same coast as her mother for the majority of her life, so she was used to this kind of stuff.

"Over the last years, I'm not proud to admit that I haven't had much contact with my son. Living on the other side of the country isn't easy. I first met both my granddaughter Zola and my grandson Bailey through photographs. I've watched them grow up in pictures, and this is the first time I've been to Seattle since either were born. It's not right."

"Mom, I'm sorry…" Derek interrupted, frowning.

"Hush, boy. Let me finish," Carolyn dismissed Derek. "I have three children in Seattle now, plus a grandchild and a _great_-grandchild...still not over that one...on the way. My East Coast grandbabies are almost all grown up. It seems like, to me anyway, that my West Coast grandbabies need me more."

"Mom, what are you saying?" Amelia's face whitened.

"I'm saying...I'm moving to Seattle!" Carolyn gleamed.

The room went silent.

"You're what?" Derek and Amelia both gasped.

"Oh, come on. You seriously didn't think she'd let me go that easily," Nancy laughed proudly. "She had to follow me here, right?" Nancy grinned widely and came forward to give her mother a hug.

"Mom, you don't have to…" Derek sighed.

"Hush, boy. I know I don't have to do anything. I want to. I want to be here with you and your family, and Amelia and hers, and I want to be nearby my great-grandbaby, too, because not every great-grandmother lives long enough to meet her great-grandbabies."

Amelia and Derek were both still in shock.

Derek finally extended his arms around his mother, embracing her with a warm hug.

"We'd be happy to have you, Ma," he smiled, turning toward Meredith. "Right, Mer?"

Meredith, like Derek and Amelia, was also in shock. She didn't know how to react. After all, she barely knew Mrs. Shepherd, outside of Christmas last year and a few email exchanges here and there, when she and Derek had sent her pictures of the kids. Though, at the same time, she and Derek could use all the extra hands they could get, especially with her taking on this fellowship. Plus, Carolyn's presence in Seattle would benefit not just her and Derek, but Amelia as well, and Chris and Angie.

"Yes," Meredith nodded, pleasantly. "You're always welcome here. We're glad to have you. The kids will love having a grandmother around, too."

"Now, don't worry. I'm not going to ask to move in with any of y'all. I've been talking with a realtor here in Seattle, and I'll be buying my own house. I'll be closer than a five hour plane ride, though," Carolyn smiled warmly.

Derek and Amelia looked at each other, both sighing in relief.

Meredith then noticed Cristina standing in the doorway. She looked like she'd just gotten out of surgery; she was still wearing her scrub cap. Her face was solemn.

"Hey," Meredith greeted her best friend. Cristina walked toward Meredith and Amelia as the rest of the crowd went back to doing what they were doing before Carolyn's big announcement. "Guess what? My mother-in-law is moving to Seattle."

The words seemed to pass right through Cristina, though. She continued grimacing and didn't utter a response.

"There's plenty of cake, if you want some…" Cristina's eyes wandered. Meredith could tell something was wrong. "What's wrong, Cristina?"

"Mer, I-I need a neurosurgeon right now," she finally whispered. Amelia perked up.

"Well, Derek and I are kind of busy right now. Can't you page someone else?" Meredith asked desperately.

Cristina shook her head, looking grimly in Alex's direction. He was happily entertaining his son and all the other children.

"There's been an accident, Mer. And…please…don't tell Alex."

As the words fell from Cristina's mouth, a piercing shriek requested everyone's attention.

"MY WATER BROKE!"


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: Merry Christmas! I didn't think I would get this up by Christmas, but here it is. I was going to write the whole rest of the story before I updated, but Irene and I are trying to give you several days of MerDer this holiday season, and since we couldn't get you a **_**Storm **_**update today, I thought I'd give you this instead. So I haven't written the rest of this story yet, but I can tell you that this chapter is the beginning of the end. You'll have mixed feelings after reading this chapter. You'll want to rip my head off at first, but then later on I think you'll love me, and then you'll hate me again. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy. I also hope you all got everything you wanted for Christmas. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, Happy Thursday! Only a few weeks before Grey's returns again!**

* * *

><p>Just when Meredith Grey thought all the chaos in her life that could erupt had already erupted, the Universe once again proved her wrong. No one could have predicted the events that would happen next on that fateful day.<p>

"_She's crashing!"_ Meredith will never forget Jo Wilson's distraught appearance when she arrived in the OR after departing from her son's birthday party, all while her husband's nephew's fiancée - her niece-in-law? - had gone into labor. Alex had, fortunately, stepped up to help, since Nancy couldn't deliver her own grandchild and they were short on OBs. Alex knew what he was doing.

It was a good thing that he was occupied. Callie offered to round up all the kids and take them back to daycare, so Derek had come along with Meredith. Two hands were definitely needed.

Jackson was already there, assessing her badly charred skin. Third degree burns crawled all over her arms and legs.

"_What the hell happened?" _Derek demanded the answers she wanted but, at the same time, was afraid to know.

"_Fire," _was the only word that escaped Jackson's mouth, and Meredith's body went numb; she feared the worst, knowing without a confirmation what it meant. The grim look that plastered Jackson Avery's face only confirmed her fears.

She and Derek aggressively worked to save Jo.

"_Where's Izzie?" _Meredith asked the heart-wrenching question, knowing that Alex had told her that Jo was with Izzie, presumably at the house. Izzie had been baking. Meredith thought of the lovely blue cupcakes with sprinkles that she had allowed Zola to indulge in when she begged for cake.

When no one answered her question, Meredith didn't have to ask more.

* * *

><p><strong>Nine weeks later<strong>

"Hey," Meredith whispered softly, frowning as she entered the patient room. Alex Karev sat tentatively beside the bed, his back slouched and his arm draped over the woman in bed. He flinched at the sound of Meredith's voice, adjusting his posture into a sitting position.

He sighed, his somber eyes meeting hers. "Is she any better?"

Meredith frowned, dreading her own response. "Alex, you know the answer to that."

"You woke your sister-in-law's freaking ex-boyfriend, who she wanted dead, up," Alex spat, and he was right. Meredith knew he was right, and it was the reason her heart ached so heavily. They'd tried the same procedure on Wilson, but so far no such luck. Nine weeks had progressed, and nothing.

She felt like such a helpless waste.

"It's an experimental procedure, Alex. There have only been two success cases in the world," Meredith lamented, sighing begrudgingly as she walked toward Alex. "And I didn't save James. He died, you know that."

"Of a _heart _attack after Amelia told him her baby wasn't his," Alex growled, anger grinds viciously in his tone. "Come on, Mer, there has to be something you can do. Look at her. She's so young, she was so full of life, she has so much life to live!"

"I know," Meredith whispered solemnly, placing her hand on Alex's shoulder. "I know, Alex." She felt a tear lingering in her teardrop gland, woeful pain tingled against her heart as she thought of all the sorrow that had been looming around Grey Sloan in the nine weeks after the fire.

Her childhood home ceased to exist. She had so many memories there; good, bad, and ugly. The vile memory of her mother slitting her wrists open in the kitchen, the very kitchen in which the fire originated, stung vibrantly in her brain.

It was the house where she lost _and _found her family. She remembered the middle of the night when her mother had taken her from the house, so abruptly that she'd forgotten to take Anatomy Jane, her favorite doll, with her. Then years later Meredith returned to the house, for reasons unknown to her at the time. It was like she was searching for something, searching for anything, that could provide her answers or hope or anything at all, really.

In turn, she found her family. It was the home where she found the people who made her feel whole inside. She remembered how Izzie always loved to bake. The house always smelled of fresh baked cookies and cupcakes when they were roommates. Baking was her favorite hobby. It was her stress reliever. It was ironic in a sense, because what she loved the most ended up killing her.

Alex broke Meredith's heart again and again.

"Mer, you can't. You can't declare her brain dead," Alex whispered. "If you do, then insurance will stop paying. I can't afford to keep her alive on my own, and Jo doesn't have any family. I'm all she has."

Meredith frowned, not knowing how to respond, because she knew as well as Alex knew, even if he was in denial, what her answer would be.

A figure of a man stood in the doorway. Derek Shepherd was wearing his white coat over his navy blue scrubs, peering into Jo Wilson's room at her and Alex.

"Hi, Derek," Meredith greeted her husband. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," Derek replied, stepping into the room. He directed a somber look in Alex's direction, and then fixated his eyes on Meredith. "What's your schedule look like tonight?"

"I don't have any surgeries scheduled as of yet, if that's what you're asking. Why?" Meredith replied, wondering what now. Derek wouldn't be asking if he didn't want something or have something planned.

"That's great. My mom invited us for dinner tonight. I guess Chris and Angie are bringing baby Belle down, too," Derek said. Chris and Angie had named their baby girl Isabelle Josephine, even though they didn't know Izzie or Jo, both had been sympathetic to learn about the accident. They hadn't settled on a name for their little one, and both immediately liked the name.

Little Belle was a beauty like all the Shepherd relatives. She had curly brown hair like her uncle and the Shepherd charming, bright blue eyes. She would be a heartbreaker one day.

Meredith wasn't at all bothered by the dinner invitation. Carolyn Shepherd was a fabulous cook, and surely anything she would cook for dinner would be better than whatever she would have elsewhere. "That sounds fine," Meredith told Derek. "Zola will be excited. She's so smitten with Belle."

She and Derek both laughed, knowing it was the truth. Zola had chanted repeatedly that baby girls were so much better than baby boys, even having the audacity to ask for a baby sister. The words coming from Zola's mouth only fueled Derek's desire to have another child, of course. It was still a sensitive topic for Meredith. Carolyn moving to Seattle had certainly been a big help.

The additional support from Nancy and Carolyn had been a godsend, but that didn't change the fact that her life was unpredictable, and she couldn't pry her children off on relatives forever, even though Carolyn adored her grandchildren and great-grandchild. Zola, Blake, and Bailey could be a handful, and Carolyn had already offered to sit for Amelia's baby when her maternity leave was up.

Blake was still living with them since Alex's family court hearing was postponed after the fire. He had nowhere to live, so he was living out of a cheap motel trying to save as much money as he could to afford a house.

Seattle was, woefully, one of the most expensive places to live in the United States, so his quest coupled with his student loan debt and Jo's medical expenses was unsuccessful so far. His credit score was unappealing, so no bank would authorize him a loan. He felt trapped, and he sort of was.

He couldn't live on their property, since Blake lived them and it was against the foster care terms, otherwise Meredith would have gladly made a spot for him at their house, since Amelia had moved into the trailer with Owen. She said she needed her space, and she didn't want to be a burden. She was four weeks away from her due date, and she was scared since there was barely room at the trailer for her and Owen. They'd set up a crib in the living area of the trailer, but it was a tight fit.

Besides, Alex wasn't the only one left homeless after the fire. Cristina had moved into the spare bedroom that Derek had set up for Amelia. Meredith didn't know how long Cristina planned on staying, but she was welcome to stay for as long as she needed.

As far as Meredith knew, Owen still wanted to build a house on the land but hadn't approached Derek about it. Meredith didn't know if it was because he was scared to or if it was Amelia who was holding him back. Amelia still seemed to have some doubts, doubts that Meredith understood completely, though at the same time, she couldn't imagine raising a baby in that trailer.

The laughter quickly faded as Meredith and Derek's eyes both fixated on a grim-looking Alex. Meredith eyed Derek, who spoke, "Alex, Mom would love if you came to dinner, too. She told me that you were invited. Plus, Blake would love to see you."

Alex's visits with Blake had become fewer and farther in between since the fire. He claimed that he didn't deserve Blake, that the fire had happened as a punishment. Now he didn't have a house to raise Blake in, and he had nowhere else to go. He didn't believe he would ever gain custody of that boy. He'd claimed that Blake deserved a good father, like Derek for example. He broke Meredith's heart into so many pieces.

Alex immediately shook his head. "No, I can't."

"What are you going to do tonight, Alex? Sit here and mourn over Jo's bedside?" Meredith asked desperately, wishing she could bring Alex out of this state of mind. She'd never seen him quite like this. He was clearly depressed, and she feared what would actually happen when they unplugged Jo and she was really gone. She didn't want to know, but she knew it was coming.

"Look, Mer, Blake doesn't need to see me. I'm not a good dad. I'm not a dad at all," Alex barked, and he stormed out of the room before Meredith could argue further with him. Meredith's eyes watered as she turned to her husband.

Derek placed his hand on her shoulder and she fell right into his chest. He rubbed her back in a slow, circular motion then guided her out of Jo's room into the nearest on-call room so they could have some privacy.

They sat down one of the twin beds and Meredith rested her head on her husband's shoulder, so grateful for his presence right now. Together, they sat in silence for what felt like hours. Meredith inhaled and exhaled deeply, savoring the stale on-call room air. Then after eons of silence, she broke into tears.

"Shhh," Derek whispered in her ear, his hot breath pressing against her eardrum; the touch of his breath only made her tears gush faster and harder. She engulfed her body with his, and he continued to comfort her with his soft touches.

"I just...I just feel responsible," Meredith said in between sobs, not knowing what else to say.

"Responsible? How?" Derek asked as she gazed into his crisp, solemn blue eyes to see confusion.

"I was the one who operated on Jo. I could have saved her," Meredith said insistently, swallowing the gobs of spit in her mouth. She steadied herself, taking deep breaths, and grabbed hold of her husband's hand. He laced their fingers together, they fit together so perfectly, and stroked her knuckles.

"Meredith, she fell through the upstairs floorboards into flames. It's a miracle that she survived that," Derek told her, assurance filled his tone. He stroked her palm with one hand, and with the other he pushed strands of her long hair behind her ear. "There's nothing more you could have done for her. We were both in that OR, Meredith. There's nothing either of us could have done."

"I know. It's just, Alex is family. He's the closest thing to a brother I have, and to see him in this amount of pain is grueling. I wish I could help him," Meredith sighed, feeling immense amounts of sadness travel through her body. She couldn't shake the somberness.

"Hmm," Derek smiled coyly.

"Why are you smiling like that?" She observed a hint of defiance in his smirk, as if he had an idea, an idea she was dying to hear. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Maybe we can," Derek suggested, pecking her on the lips.

"How?" she asked, now finding the hopefulness and defiance in her husband's face utterly attractive and irresistible; she craved desperately to hear what was going through that great brain of his.

"Well, Alex is like a brother to you, right? I know if one of my sisters was in his position, I would loan them the money they need to put a down payment on a house," said Derek, a smile filled with sincerity and kindness forming on his gorgeous face. His eyes shimmered; her husband's incredibly generous statement caused her heart to fill with so much warmth.

"Derek, that's so…" Meredith whispered. "That's so kind, considering I know you're not Alex's biggest fan…"

"That's not true. Hey, remember I gave him my trailer when he and Izzie were together?" Derek laughed gently and Meredith's tears soon turned to giggles.

"Only because you wanted me to yourself. You'd been trying to kick them out since you moved in," Meredith noted, laughing harder, reminiscing the memory of when she'd invited Derek to move into the "frat" house as he called it and Izzie and Alex had been her roommates. The mixtures of happy and sad emotions blended together. When did she become such a ball of emotions?

"Okay, maybe," Derek sighed in defeat, wrapping his arm around her body and pulling her closer. He nuzzled her hairline and left a soft, gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I love you," Meredith heaved a sigh, wiping the tears of joyfulness and sadness from her eyes. And then she thought about Amelia. If Derek was willing to do that for Alex, shouldn't he be okay with Owen and Amelia building a house on the land? She would think so. It wasn't her place to say anything, though perhaps she could mention something to Amelia about it later. She could meddle with that later. Right now, she had so more on her mind.

"I love you, too," Derek said soothingly, pushing her hair back with his hands. She cocked her head and gazed wholeheartedly into his loving eyes, the feeling was serendipitous as she leaned closer to him and kissed his lips, never wanting them to part. His hands lowered on her waist, and in that moment all she wanted was him. Rushes of emotions filled throughout her entire body, and the smell of her husband's skin was all she could think about.

His breath tantalized her, making her feel enchanted with each soft kiss, the taste of his mouth never ceased to mesmerize warmth and radiation coming off his skin like a furnace filled her stomach with butterflies.

"When?" she mouthed breathlessly as she lay on top of him, half naked.

"When what?" he asked, perplexed.

"When did we become the grown ups?"

The question appeared to take him off guard. "Well, technically we've been grown ups for a while now."

"I don't mean adults, though truthfully, I still can't figure that one out myself, either. I mean...when did we become the ones everyone comes to for help? The last few months have been crazy, and suddenly it seems like we're the ones with all the answers. Like we're the grown ups telling the kids what to do."

Derek laughed and wrapped his arms around her, and he whispered softly in her ear, "Oh, I can tell you what to do, my dear. Let me _grown up _you."

A giggle escaped her lips. "Der, that's not what I meant. _Ohhh_." A moan elicited from her mouth as his lips lowered onto her clavicle and pleasure shocks shot up her spine.

"Is this grown up enough for you?" he whispered in her ear as he started to slide off her pants.

"I think so," she replied, running her fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp.

Their skin meshed together as they untangled out of their scrubs and made love to each other. Meredith ravished in the closeness, savoring each tender kiss Derek planted onto her skin.

When they finished, she rested her head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic sounds of his heart pulsating, as it filled his veins with blood. Her hand folded into his and she never wanted to let go. The sentiment of the moment sent her emotions into an unexpected, raging waterfall. Tears gushed out of her eyes, and she had no idea where they were coming from or why they were coming.

"Are you crying?" Derek asked, perplexed.

"No…" she mumbled, trying to deny it, though it was pretty obvious. She couldn't hide it any longer. "...yes."

"Why are you crying?" he frowned, running his fingers through her moist, sweaty hair.

"I don't know," she sobbed. "It's just...it seems like everyone's lives are falling apart. And I think about how perfect we are. I look at you, and Bailey, and Zola, and even Blake, and now your mother's here helping us out. Our life is too perfect, and everyone else's is chaos. I'm Meredith Grey. I don't get perfect. Perfect doesn't get me."

"Shhhh," Derek soothed, his warm breath brushing seductively against her eardrum. "If anyone deserves perfect, it's you, Mere. You're perfect to me." His eyes shimmered, and his words melted her heart.

"Der," she whispered, and somehow she started to cry harder. What was wrong with her? She was Meredith Grey. She didn't cry. Not like this. "I'm just scared. I'm scared that it's not going to last, that it's going to be ruined. We've already been through so much...it makes me wonder: What's next?"

"Meredith, you can't think like that," Derek murmured in her ear.

"But I do. It's who I am," she sobbed.

"Do you have a case of the dark and twisties?" he inquired, half smirking.

She sighed, gazing into his dark blue orbs that melt her heart. "I guess so," she giggled softly, and he wiped her tears off her cheek with his thumb. She inhaled sharply, reaching for her scrub top on the floor and she grabbed Derek's, which lay wrinkled beside hers, and tossed it at him. "I guess we should get dressed," she mumbled.

"Yeah, I have a patient I need to check on. Make sure the resident didn't kill her," Derek sighed, and she couldn't tell if he was joking or serious.

They agreed to meet at Derek's office at five o'clock to go to Carolyn's house together.

Then they parted the on-call room in opposite directions.

* * *

><p>Meredith, too, had patients she needed to check on.<p>

She checked on a thirty-four-year-old mother of six who'd just had a glioma in her temporal lobe resected. Her stats were good, and her husband sat nearby. "When can we expect her to wake up?" he asked.

"It can take time. Her surgery was only a couple hours ago, so it could take up to twenty-four hours. She looks good, so I think she'll be waking up soon," Meredith replied, smiling earnestly at the husband and father.

"If she doesn't wake up, I can't do it alone," the man said, sheer panic in his voice. "We have six children. They're with my mother right now. I can't raise them alone. They need their mother."

His breaths were hasty, and she could tell he was in a state of panic and stress.

"Look, I know you're scared. Believe me, when my husband was shot and needed heart surgery a few years ago, I was scared too," Meredith told the man, trying to comfort him. What she didn't tell him was that she'd been so scared that she'd offered her life to a gunman or that she had suffered a miscarriage right afterward. This man didn't need to know the intimate, stressful, traumatizing details of her past. All he needed to know that everything had worked out, and now her husband was alive and they had two beautiful, perfect happy children together.

"Your husband survived?" he asked, gnawing at the skin that covered his fingertips.

Meredith nodded. "Yes, he did, and he's saved many lives since. He's also a neurosurgeon."

That seemed to comfort the man a little, and then Meredith noticed his eyes enlarge. Meredith twirled around. The woman's eyes dark brown irises twinkled back at her.

"Marianne?" the man called, lunging forward toward his wife, grabbing hold of her hand.

"Leo?" The woman's voice was hoarse, but she was awake, and that was all that mattered.

"Welcome back," Meredith greeted her patient, and then administered a flashlight test, asking the woman to follow the light and she did so successfully.

"I made it," the woman mumbled.

"You did," Meredith smiled warmly. She watched the happy couple and then said what she would want the doctor to say if she'd just woken up and her husband was holding onto her hand, "I'll leave you two alone right now."

"Thanks, Doctor," Leo smiled, happy tears twinkling in his eyes.

Meredith exited the room and continued to check on a few more patients. All were stable, so she decided to head to the Attendings' lounge and relax. She was exhausted. She'd pulled three all-nighters this week, nights that Derek had been home with the children. Carolyn in Seattle helped tremendously, since Derek was able to work longer hours and do more surgeries. It took some of the load off her, though she was still a fellow, which required her to put in more hours.

She'd hoped to find the lounge empty, but that wasn't the case. Cristina was lounging on the couch reading a case study.

"Hey," Cristina looked up from the papers as Meredith entered. "Did you know chronic stress interferes with the production of blood cells, and has interactions with the immune system and the process of atherosclerosis?

"Hm, you don't say," Meredith sighed, remembering her encounter with stress and white blood cells a couple months ago.

"I was just reading a study about the hematopoietic system's role in cardiovascular disease and elucidate a direct biological link between chronic variable stress and chronic inflammation," explained Cristina.

"Interesting." Meredith slouched into a comfortable position as she sat down, enjoying the softness of the cushions. She closed her eyes for just a moment.

"Have you checked your stress levels since switching specialties? I mean, that's why you switched, right?" Cristina asked. "Do you really feel less stressed in Neuro?"

"Honestly?" Meredith responded, breathing inward. "During my entire time in General, I'd forgotten what it felt like to be a surgeon. I mean _really _be a surgeon. I came to work, I did surgeries, and I went home and snuggled my children. Work was just a job."

"And it's not with Neuro?"

"It's not," Meredith replied with honesty. "Every time I step into the OR, I feel like I've just smoked a joint. Only it's better...so much better."

"I've never smoked a joint, but I think that's how I feel whenever I hold a heart in my hands. There's the adrenaline rush...it beats any orgasm."

"I can't say it beats an orgasm, but it's definitely on the same level," Meredith said rather matter of factly.

"At least you can have orgasms," begrudged Cristina woefully.

"You don't have to be in a monogamous relationship to have orgasms, Cristina. Trust me, I of all people know that," laughed Meredith.

"Okay, one, I'm not a whore like you. I like it to mean something…"

"Or benefit you somehow," Meredith winked, thinking of Burke and Hunt and that medical school professor Cristina had been with before coming to Seattle.

"It's not my fault that I've only been attracted to my teachers," Cristina shrugged. "And two, even if I were going to have a one night stand and found someone I wanted to have one with, where am I going to have it? The room across from where your children sleep? Or maybe your couch..."

"Gross, no!" Meredith squinted.

"I mean, I can hear you and McDreamy going at it every night…"

"We do not have sex every night," Meredith said in a very serious tone. "I wasn't even home three nights this week, and besides, there are on-call rooms, you know…" On-call rooms that she and Derek use more frequently than they do their bed, since they were both too tired by the time they got home on most nights, when they did get home.

"Maybe I want to be with someone who doesn't work in this hospital," Cristina shrugged. "I'm thinking that's the way to go. It's easier that way."

"Yeah, I tried that, remember? They followed me here..." She thought of McVet and the guy whose penis wouldn't deflate. Her stomach twisted in knots of disgust.

"Pssh, I don't think you _really _tried. We all know you were in love with McDreamy the whole time, anyway, so none of those guys had a chance."

Meredith knew that Cristina was right. She merely sighed in response. "How did we get here, Cristina?"

"Get where? You married with two kids and fostering Izzie and Alex's son? Izzie dead? Your mother's house burnt down? Alex's girlfriend brain dead? Me divorced and watching as Owen has happily moved on? Is that what you mean?"

A tear wallowed in Meredith's eye. "Yeah, I guess that's what I mean."

Cristina shrugged. "No idea. Your guess is as good as mine. Hey, Amelia told me about dinner at your mother-in-law's house tonight…"

"Since when do you talk to Amelia?" Meredith chuckled.

"Since we exchanged numbers. We text all the time. She's actually pretty hilarious. I think I might like her."

"Okay, but why did she text you today?"

"Oh, she wanted to know if anyone was home. She wanted to take a shower in your master bathroom, since the trailer shower is too snug for her now that she's about ready to pop," shrugged Cristina. Yeah, the trailer shower was definitely snug. She of all people remembered that...that's one reason she and Derek generally stayed at her house before he moved in. Plus, she had a bathtub.

She still couldn't believe the house was gone. The house and the tub were gone. She had so many memories in that tub, from rubber duckies to other things...

"If she wanted to use the shower, then why didn't she text me?" She wondered how long Amelia had been showering at their house. That explained why her soap had been moved the other day. She'd thought that Derek had moved it.

Cristina shrugged her shoulders again. "No idea, but I told her that no one was home, and then she moped and groaned about the dinner tonight at her mother's."

"Yeah, apparently Chris and Angie are going to bring the baby and it's going to be some big family reunion," sighed Meredith.

"Sounds like fun. Honestly, I think I might be falling in love with those Shepherd relatives. At first I thought they were kind of corny and too happy, but the more I get to know them, the more I realize how twisted they really are," Cristina said. "Even Mrs. Shepherd has something about her...she's hilarious. I always pictured her as the warm and fuzzy type of woman, but the more I learn about her, the more I realize she's dark and twisty too."

"You know, you kind of have a point," Meredith noted. "Hey, you should come to the dinner tonight."

"Uh...I don't know if that's a good idea." Cristina grunted, looking a tad bit hesitant.

"Why not? From the way Derek talks, Carolyn loves to take in strays. Apparently she raised Mark, after all," noted Meredith.

"Oh, so Derek married his mother?"

"No…"

"Well, you're the Queen of Strays," pointed out Cristina, and Meredith realized she had a point. Amelia had once commented on how he'd married his sister, which Meredith was able to brush off. Now that Cristina had pointed it out, she started analyzing the parallels between her and Mrs. Shepherd.

Well, Mrs. Shepherd could cook, and she couldn't, so there was one thing that they didn't have in common. That alone gave Meredith some sense of clarity. They took in strays. That was the only thing they had in common.

Both of their husbands had been shot, though Derek survived. Thankfully.

Mrs. Shepherd had been a Navy Nurse, though back then women weren't doctors.

Sure, there were a few similarities, but just a few. That didn't mean anything.

"They say women marry their fathers, so it only makes sense that Derek would marry a woman like his mother," said Cristina.

"Well, I don't think Addison was anything like Mrs. Shepherd. She was just like Nancy, though. I guess he married his oldest and his youngest sister," laughed Meredith, though Cristina looked confused by the joke. "Didn't Amelia tell you? According to her, I'm just like her."

"Ah, yeah, I can definitely see that. You are a lot alike," Cristina observed. "Have you eaten lunch?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, but I think I'm going to save my appetite since we're going to Carolyn's. She always has so much food, and last time we ate dinner at her house I didn't eat much and I think it offended her."

"Yeah, mothers get offended when you don't eat their food," said Cristina, laughing. "Maybe I will come over. I mean, what else am I going to eat? I think I finished all the cereal in your cupboard this morning."

"I forgot how much cereal you go through," groaned Meredith, truly not surprised.

"It's my favorite, can't help it. Though I think I'm going to steal a cup of coffee from the nurses' station. Want some?"

"Oh, please. I don't know how else I'll make it through tonight." Her eyes were already drooping.

So together they stole two cups of coffee from the nurses' station. It wasn't the best tasting coffee, but it did its job.

They sipped on their coffees and chatted as they walked toward the main lobby desk.

"Hey, is that…"

Meredith turned her head toward the lobby desk before Cristina finished her sentence, where her line of sight was interrupted by two unsuspecting women chatting to her husband.

What were they doing here?!

Just when she thought all the chaos in her life had already erupted, the Universe threw her yet another curve ball. The Universe was good at throwing curve balls.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Uh-oh, who's here? I hope you're not too mad at me, but you can't really beat MerDer sex and Mertina, can you?! When you're reviewing and about to rip my head off, at least remember that. ;) Oh, and December 26th is my ninth year anniversary on FFN! Wow, nine years! I lurked for a while before that, but that's when I actually signed up. I was reading Law & Order: SVU fanfic at the time, though I'd been reading Harry Potter fanfic for a long time before that. :D**


	56. Chapter 56

The mere sight of the redhead speaking amicably with her husband –_ Meredith's_ husband – sent a riveting shock down Meredith Grey's spine. She had no reason to be jealous of Addison Montgomery. No reason at all. Years had passed since Derek and Addison's divorce was finalized, and she was aware that Derek and Addison were still friends. They were married for twelve years, so she had to accept that they would always have some form of a kinship.

Yet, Meredith still seethed with jealousy almost the second she laid eyes on Addison Montgomery. Addison was apparently married to another man and had adopted her own baby, and yet, seeing her talking to Derek aroused an inordinate quantum of nausea to annihilate Meredith's stomach. Her insides were doing somersaults as she inhaled deeply through her nose, attempting to relax her stomach.

Stomach acid lingered up her esophagus, which she chose to swallow. She knows it's bad to swallow vomit, but now would be a really bad time to puke. The nausea subsides soon after she swallows the bile.

She would never confess her jealousy out loud. Not to Derek, anyway. Alex had been the one to point out her jealousy once when Addison had come to Seattle, begging Derek to save her brother. After Derek saved her brother, she stayed to assist with Meredith and Derek's patient. It was a case Meredith tried not to think about if she could help it, since the outcome had been so treacherous, leading to a series of not-so-fond memories.

_"Admit it. Her hanging around your guy bugs."_

_"It doesn't bug. You bug,"_ she'd yielded, knowing even then that Alex had pegged her jealousy right on the nose, though she wouldn't admit it. She wouldn't admit it then nor would she now.

Addison's luminous, bright blue eyes shift, noticing Meredith and Cristina as they approach the desk. "Meredith!" Addison's face lit up, pretending as if she was genuinely happy to see the Meredith. "It's so nice to see you again."

Everything between them was ancient history. Addison was happily remarried, and there was no reason, logistically, that they couldn't all be friends. They were all married adults with children, after all. Though, there was still the fact that Meredith felt that Addison's visit to Seattle wasn't purely innocent.

_Gag me a river_, Meredith thought, but she feigned her own crooked smile. "Hello, Addison." She shot a quick glance at her husband, who acted like Addison's presence was purely casual, no big deal.

"And Yang, it's been a while," Addison greeted Cristina.

"You don't say," Cristina replied dryly, eying Meredith. "So, what brings you to Seattle, Dr. Montgomery? A crazy pregnant lady?"

"Actually, I'm here because my sister-in-law - well, former sister-in-law - isn't returning my calls, and I wanted to pay her a visit," Addison answered. Meredith's stomach churned, because as far as she knew, Amelia hadn't told Addison about the pregnancy. Though, that didn't mean Nancy hadn't told her, since they were supposedly such close friends. Meredith bit down on her bottom lip.

"I don't believe we've all met. I'm Charlotte," the blonde standing in between Derek and Addison introduced herself.

"Ah, that's right. You didn't get to meet Meredith when you were in Seattle last," Addison acknowledged. "Meredith, Charlotte. Charlotte, Meredith. Charlotte is the Chief of Staff at St. Ambrose and works with us. She and her husband, Cooper, have triplets."

Cooper? The name sounded strangely familiar. And suddenly Meredith realized why. Amelia had previously mentioned babysitting her best friend's triplets.

"Wow, triplets." Meredith's eyes bug in Derek's direction. "I don't know how you do it. Derek and I barely manage our two children and our foster child...they're four, three, and one. I couldn't imagine having three the same age."

"Cooper's older son, Mason, is a big help. His mama died of cancer, so he's been through a lot. He's a great kid." The woman spoke with a heavy southern accent, and her eyes glistened when she spoke of her children.

Addison frowned, genuinely appearing sad. "I heard about what happened with Izzie. I can't believe she kept Alex's son from him for so many years. No one had a clue?"

Meredith exhaled to steady herself and met Cristina's gaze. They both shook their heads in unison. "Izzie never said a word. Alex has it rough right now. First Izzie, now Jo."

"Jo? Who's Jo?" Addison appeared to be blindsided. Whoever had been keeping her up to date clearly had only told her part of the story.

"Jo is...was...umm...is... Alex's girlfriend." Meredith stumbled over her words. Jo technically wasn't dead, yet. "She and Izzie were in a fire. Izzie burned to death. Jo fell through the floor and sustained a subarachnoid hemorrhage."

"Poor Alex. He's had it rough," Addison acknowledged dismally.

"He has. I honestly don't know how he's ever going to recover from this. He doesn't think he can be a good dad, but he needs to be for Blake. I just wish I could help him," Meredith sighed, her heart aching heavily, sinking deep into the pit of her chest. She locked eyes with her husband.

"I keep telling her that she can't fix everyone," Derek told Addison dully, then informing her with a proud smile on his face, "Meredith has recently picked up a Neuro fellowship, actually."

Addison's eyes widened. "I always wondered why you didn't go into Neuro in the first place. I guess I figured it was because you didn't want to work with this guy all day." She nudged her ex-husband with her elbow; Meredith cringed at the sight of Addison touching Derek, even if just with her elbow.

Though, she laughed at the truth behind Addison's presumption. "Well, yeah, that's actually the reason I didn't, but after two years in General, I realized that it wasn't for me and I'd never be happy if I had to play with intestines for the rest of my life. That was my mother's calling, not mine."

"And Neuro makes you happy?" The inquiry was one Meredith had heard too many times since her specialty switch.

"Nothing compares to the rush I feel when I see an open brain on the table," replied Meredith, smiling awkwardly.

"Wow, you two really are perfect for each other," laughed Addison, eying her ex-husband. "Really, I'm happy for you. You're happily married, I'm happily married, we're all happily married."

"Except me. I'm divorced!" Cristina chipped in satirically.

"Wait, weren't you married to that trauma surgeon?" Addison furrowed her eyebrows, genuine perplexion crawling across her face.

Cristina's lips shaped into a small smile. "Yeah, well, now he's…" Meredith nudged her before she could mention Amelia. "...moved on to someone else."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that. Though, I've been there and done that, and all I can say is there's a reason for everything. You didn't cheat on him, did you?" Addison narrowed her eyebrows guiltily.

"Nope. He cheated on me, though," Cristina smirked, glaring in Derek's direction.

"Oh. You should have cheated on him back, then," joked Addison, looking at Derek and then at Meredith. Meredith wasn't particularly amused, and Derek didn't seem to be, either. His cheeks flushed slightly crimson.

An awkward silence followed, which Derek finally broke by saying, "Well… before you got here, Mer, I was just about to tell Addie and…"

"Charlotte," Addison and Charlotte spoke in unison.

"Right, Charlotte. I knew that. Anyway, I was going to tell you that my mom is having a dinner tonight…"

Meredith's mouth dropped, her disbelief surfaced at the notion of her husband just casually inviting his ex-wife to dinner.

"Ah, that's right, your mom lives in Seattle now." Addison was clearly aware of Mrs. Shepherd's relocation. Meredith assumed Nancy kept her in the loop. "Nancy told me. I spoke with her a couple days ago."

What else had Nancy told her? Meredith didn't doubt that Addison knew about Amelia's pregnancy, now.

"I figured," Derek responded tartly.

"Right, well, dinner at your mom's? I think I'll pass. Besides, your mom hates me," Addison replied, rolling her eyes.

"Hated," Derek corrected.

"Huh?"

"She has no reason to hate you now that we're not married," Derek snickered, then his eyes shifted toward Meredith. Meredith's gaze was stern. She still couldn't believe Derek would even consider inviting Addison to dinner without at least asking his mother, plus there was the whole Amelia situation. Meredith believed there was a reason that Amelia was ignoring Addison's phone calls.

Had Amelia really slept with Addison's and Charlotte's husbands? Meredith's eyes widened, recalling Amelia's mind-blowing confession to James that had sent him into cardiac arrest.

"Still…" Addison trembled.

"Amelia's going to be there. You came to talk to her, right?" Derek implored, a gentle smile forming on his face, one that Meredith knew too well.

Meredith rolled her eyes, moving closer to her husband. She grabbed his shoulder and whispered into his ear. "Uh, can we talk in private, Derek?" Her narrow fingers folded perfectly around his warm hand. She pulled him away from Addison, Charlotte, and Cristina then faced him straight in the eye; his bright blues sparkled. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The twinkle in his eyes faded, as did his smile. "What do you mean?"

"Inviting Addison and … Charlotte … to dinner without even asking your mom?"

"She won't mind," Derek shrugged. "She's like you, Mer. She loves taking in strays. Look, I know you're not fond of Addison…"

"Oh, this has nothing to do with what I think about Addison. Don't even go there." Meredith crossed her arms together firmly, nefariously glaring at her husband. "I can't believe you even said that."

"Meredith…"

"Derek!" she spat, trying to keep her voice down.

"What?" Derek looked lost. "She came to see Amy, and she's going to be at Mom's tonight."

"You know, I'm pretty sure Amelia never told Addison she's pregnant, though I'd be willing to bet anything your sister Nancy told her," Meredith said lowly. "I'm also pretty sure it's Addison's and Blondie's husbands Amelia slept with."

"Wait, what?!"

"Before James died, Amelia told him that she slept with a Jake and a Cooper. Jake is Addison's husband, and Blondie said her husband's name is Cooper…"

Derek's facial expression signaled that he has no idea what she was talking about.

"What are you talking about, Meredith?"

He wasn't there, Meredith remembered. Derek knew that Amelia had confessed to cheating on James, the whole hospital knew. Nurses gossiped, and Amelia and James had made quite a scene. Nobody knew who Jake and Cooper were, though.

"Amelia confessed to having sex with a Jake and a Cooper at James's bedside, before he went into cardiac arrest," Meredith said, her voice hushed. "She said one of them is the baby's father."

Derek pressed his lips together, staring at her in disbelief, and then a wide grin formed on his face and he burst into laughter. Bewildered by her husband's reaction, Meredith - unamused - lifted her eyebrows. "You've lost me. What's so funny about that?"

Derek laughed again, seemingly baffled and then shook his head. "It's just...I had a pretty good confrontation with Cooper and Charlotte when they were here a few years ago, and no way. It's not possible."

"Look, I'm just telling you what she told James," Meredith said. "Do you think Amelia is lying?"

"She has to be, because the vibe I gathered from Charlotte is she's the type of woman who would cut her husband's balls off if he's fooling around with another woman," Derek replied matter-of-factly. "And I met Cooper. He doesn't look like the type of guy who'd ever cheat, especially with my sister of all people. I can't see it."

"And Jake?"

"Never met the guy, but I can't say I'd feel too bad for Addison if he did," Derek scoffed, shrugging his shoulders.

Meredith stared blankly into her husband's eyes, and before either could speak again, they were interrupted by Addison and Charlotte walking toward them. Meredith closed her lips, careful not to say anything further. She hoped neither had heard her discussion with Derek, and the care-free expressions on their faces told her that they hadn't.

"Hey, um, we're going to check into a hotel," Addison announced, dimly exchanging glances with both Meredith and Derek.

Meredith's eyebrows rose. It was Derek who asked, "I thought you came to see Amelia?'

"Uh, well, we did," Charlotte answered, her prominent Southern accent rattling in each word.

"But we don't want to intrude on your family dinner tonight. We really should have called you before coming. I didn't think. I'm pretty good at that...not thinking," Addison explained.

"Besides, I've always wanted to climb the top of the Space Needle," Charlotte added, her deep blue eyes glistening. "And I have four kids. It's not every day they're with their daddy and he tells you to go do what you have to do."

Addison laughed. "I bet Cooper and Jake are having a great time with the kids while we're away."

"Your husbands are watching the kids?" Meredith asked, recognizing the men's names, trying not to show any hints of the anxiousness that lingered in her veins.

"Yeah," Charlotte nodded. She nudged Addison. "We ought to get going, Addison." Addison nodded in agreement, and the two women made a dash for the exit, leaving Meredith and Derek dumbfounded.

"Uh, did that just happen?" Derek asked, looking blindly stupefied.

"You tell me," Meredith rolled her eyes, completely oblivious to Cristina's approach behind them.

"Hey, I'm going to go change out of my scrubs. Can't wait for dinner tonight." Cristina spoke, startling Meredith, who did a complete one-eighty to lock eyes with her best friend.

"Dinner? You invited Cristina to dinner?" Derek eyed Meredith.

"Uh, yeah," Meredith replied blankly. "Is there a problem with that?"

Derek pressed his lips together, his eyes wide, and he shook his head. He mouthed, "Hypocrite."

_Um, no,_ Meredith thought, scoffing, denying Derek eye contact as she wrapped her arm around Cristina's elbow. Inviting Cristina to dinner and inviting Addison to dinner were two completely different scenarios, even if Derek didn't see it like that. He could be so brainless sometimes.

"I'm going to change, too. We'll meet you back here when we're ready," she told Derek, who gave her a blank look in return.

* * *

><p>Meredith grunted as she tugged at her denim waistband, barely managing to slide the button in its hole. "You'd think with all that I've been working, I'd be losing weight. Not gaining. I feel emaciated," she confided to Cristina. Her stomach was growling. She was starving, and her jeans barely fit.<p>

"You have been eating a lot of donuts lately," Cristina noted, a smirk coming across her face. "I swear, I see you with a donut and coffee in your hand every morning. You'd think you were a cop, not a doctor."

Meredith gasped. "You're right, I have been eating a lot of crap lately. It's because it's easier to eat junk food in between surgeries. Plus, it's stress relieving. I don't care what Derek says, nobody eats a salad to help alleviate stress."

"True that." Cristina gave her a thumbs up.

"I guess Derek's right, and I should start watching what I eat, or it's going to catch up to me." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Oh, puh-lease. You're practically skin and bones. Going up a pant size or two isn't going to kill you," Cristina chortled, pulling her burgundy long-sleeved shirt over her head. Meredith scoffed. She'd never owned a scale, nor had she bothered to weigh herself on a regular basis, so she couldn't even begin to assume what she weighed now, nor did she care. She'd only worn two sizes of jeans her entire life, aside from when she was pregnant. She'd gone up only one jean size when she was pregnant with Bailey. Though she'd opted to spend most of her pregnancy in sweats anyway, since she was too lazy to buy new clothes. Cute, frilly maternity clothes weren't for her.

Derek always teased her that her eating habits would catch up to her one day, that there was no way that someone who ate so much junk food would stay skinny forever. She'd always had a fast metabolism, though. He'd told her he was jealous of it and, "It'll have to slow down one day, you know." He said his mother used to have a fast metabolism, too, then she gave birth to five children.

"I'm not giving birth to five children," she'd been quick to quip, even though she had previously joked about her and Derek's five chatty children with Cristina. She didn't really plan on having five kids. She could barely handle the two – three, counting Blake – that she had.

After Bailey was born, everyone had commented on how fast she'd lost the baby weight. She'd had several women tell her they were jealous of her. She hated it, because it's not like she chose to have a fast metabolism. Either you had one or you didn't.

Being skinny was just as challenging as being overweight. Finding clothes that were the perfect fit was next to impossible. Usually the pants were too big for her thighs, so they were baggy and made her look like she was a gang member.

On their way to meet up with Derek, Cristina and Meredith ran into Alex. Dark bags rounded his eyes, and he looked famished, like he hadn't eaten in days. Meredith felt partially responsible for his pain.

Nine weeks ago when Jo came out of surgery, there'd been a glimmer of hope. Jo's scans looked good. They'd been able to stop the bleeding. Meredith and Derek were both confident that she would wake up. Her brain activity was normal, aside from the fact she was in a coma. Both she and Derek thought the coma was only temporary.

Flash forward forty-eight hours, she still hadn't woken up, and that's when concern set in. Her brain scans didn't show any obvious signs of trauma. They couldn't figure out why she wasn't waking up. For all intents and purposes, she should have woken up.

After running numerous tests, she and Derek had determined that Jo's coma was most likely caused by the high amounts of carbon monoxide she had inhaled in the fire. They could not conclusively determine if she would ever wake up. As her doctors, they had presented Alex with the facts, laying out his options. One, of course, included withdrawal of care. Because they could not determine for sure if Jo would wake up or not, insurance was paying for part of Jo's medical bills. However, she would need to be moved to a medical facility if Alex opted not to withdraw care, which insurance would not pay for.

Jo's condition had remained stagnant for weeks, neither improving nor worsening. Nothing had changed until last night, when she had suddenly gone into cardiac arrest in the middle of the night. The Cardio resident on call had done everything he could do, including paging Cristina and Meredith. They had both come in at three in the morning, fearful of what would happen.

They had worked tirelessly, under Alex's commands, doing everything they could do to resuscitate her. And they were successful. Unfortunately, her brain scans revealed no activity, the activity that was present before she had arrested was gone. By definition, Meredith had to declare Jo brain dead.

She remembered James, though, and the treatment that had worked on him, even if the outcome had been less than fathomable. It was the first thing she'd opted to try with Jo. Nearly nineteen hours later, Jo had not shown any signs of improvement. James had already shown improvement by this point.

She knew Alex didn't want to give up on Jo. Meredith didn't want to give up hope on Jo, either, but she couldn't deny the harrowing truths.

"Alex," she said quietly, meeting his sad brown eyes. "You should come. Come to Derek's mom's tonight. See Blake. It'll be good for you."

"I already told you I didn't want to come," he snapped fiercely. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that 'no' means 'no'? God-damnit, Meredith!"

"Hey!" Cristina fiercely pointed her finger at Alex. "We all know you're going through Hell right now. But don't act like we don't know what you're going through. If anyone knows what you're going through, it's us. I watched my own father died right in front of my eyes when I was nine years old. Meredith watched her husband get shot in this very hospital and then lost her sister in a plane crash and had to watch as the animals ate her remains. You're not the only one who's experienced loss and tragedy and the whole nine yards. We all have."

Alex groaned, stepping forward to walk past Meredith and Cristina, but both women were quick to jump in front of him.

"Dude, move," Alex spoke harshly, taking another step to the left to attempt to walk around the women, but they were one step ahead of him.

Meredith shook her head. "Alex, you can feel sorry for yourself all you want, but don't take it out Blake. You know, he asks about you every day. He's just a little boy – "

"For God's sake," Alex snarled, intervening before Meredith could finish. "You think I don't know he's just a little boy? Do you think I want to cut him from my life? Meredith, I can't be around him right now. He deserves a father who can be a good role model, and I'm in no state to – "

"He deserves a father," Meredith interrupted him, "and you of all people know that, seeing as you resent your own father for abandoning you."

"My father leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me," Alex argued. "My father was a low-life bastard who didn't give a rat's ass about his kids, and I was better off without him. I'm here, aren't I? I made it through medical school. Probably wouldn't have if he'd stuck around."

Meredith locked eyes with Cristina, ready to rest her case, but Cristina was not resting hers just yet:

"Alex, you are not your father," she said, her tone suffused with adamance. "And you're an idiot to compare yourself to him. But hey, if you want to ruin your son's life, go for it. You're just screwing yourself out of the only good thing you have left in the world." She twined her arm around Meredith's elbow. "Come on, Mer. Let's go."

Meredith exhaled sharply, her eyes darting toward Alex one more time, pleading with him to come with them. Time stood still, and finally, he relented, "Fine. I'll go to the stupid dinner."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled genially, knowing Blake would be delighted to see his father.

* * *

><p>The ride over to Carolyn Shepherd's new house was vastly soundless, aside from the hum of the car's engine, until they reached the Harper Lane stoplight. "Turn here," Alex said. Meredith, who sat in the passenger seat next to Derek, cocked her neck to look at Alex and Cristina in the backseat.<p>

"Alex," she said softly. Carolyn's house was two blocks over from where the frat house had once stood. Whenever she and Derek had visited Carolyn, they'd always made an intention effort to not turn on Harper Street, so they didn't have to pass the old lot. Meredith had not been to it since the fire, though she had thought about it. It was weird, in a way, knowing that the house she'd lived in as a child no longer stood. Seeing the empty lot would make it real.

"I want to see it," he said, determined. "I need to see it."

Meredith's heart sank. It was the house that, even though no longer hers, had housed her growth. She thought of the little scratches on the wooden wall, marking her height. When they'd adopted Zola, she marked her height right next to hers. After she'd moved, she'd begged Alex not to get rid of the chicken scratches. Maybe they were meaningless to him, but they meant something.

They were symbolic of the growth that she had experienced while living there. It was uncanny. It was crazy to think that when she first moved back to Seattle she had planned on selling the house. The house held no good memories for her. The only memories she had there were sad. Shallow memories of her mother never being around. Dark memories of her mother trying to kill herself. Terrorizing memories of her mother running away with her in the middle the night. Devastating memories of leaving behind Anatomy Jane doll, her favorite doll.

When she returned to Seattle, she was determined she would find nothing particularly special in her mother's home. It was a place to live until she could find her own place and start her own story. Meredith did not want to live in her mother's house. She did not want to become her mother, despite the fact she chose to follow her mother's career path.

Little did she know then that all the answers she needed were in that house. It's where she found her family. It's where she fell in love. Now it's gone.

Houses don't hold people together, though. People hold people together.

Meredith reached out and squeezed Derek's hand. She nodded somberly.

"Let's take a detour," she whispered, regretting her words as soon as they escaped her lips.

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><p><strong>AN: Here we go… so I have to admit, there are a lot of things I don't like about this story. How I've characterized Amelia being my number one dislike. However, this story was plotted long before we even knew Amelia would return to Grey's, so I guess I have to keep that in mind when I'm kicking myself for some of the nonsensical things I've had her do/say. As I wrap this story up, I'll try to fix some things (while also probably creating greater havoc). Overall, this story has been a learning experience. I've grown a lot as a writer in the last year, and I hope to continue growing.**


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I initially hoped to have this story complete by now, but it didn't happen. I will finish it, though, I promise. Writing this chapter did revive some of my love for this story, so hopefully the next update won't take as long. I actually have part of the next chapter written...**

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><p>Silence plagued the car.<p>

The empty lot where her childhood home used to stand remained to the car's left. Derek pressed the brake. The car came to a complete stop, and he pulled over to the corner. Meredith took a deep breath, looking back at Cristina and Alex, who were both sitting in complete silence.

And then Alex opened the back door.

"What are you doing, Evil Spawn?" Cristina questioned, glancing toward Meredith. They shared two looks of uneasiness.

"Getting out of the car. What does it look like I'm doing?" Alex snapped, his voice gruff, as he pushed his body out of the car. Meredith and Cristina both let out loud exhales before they, too, opened their doors and followed after Alex. Meredith turned around to see Derek still sitting in the driver's seat, looking immersed with confusion. She shrugged, and then he took the keys out of the ignition, opened his door, and chased after the trio.

A pang hit Meredith in the chest when she stepped onto the empty lot. She'd had so many memories on this land. A large lump formed in her throat. The emptiness was real.

The foundation was all that remained of the house that built her. A withering sense of brokenness lingered in her heart as her feet pressed into the soil of this place.

She looked around at Alex. And Cristina. And finally Derek. Alex had his share of memories here, too, and it was his house that had been destroyed in the fire. She'd already moved on, started a family, and built a new life. She had a house. With Derek. It was Alex who'd lost his home, not her. The house was solely her foundation, not who she had become. It was Alex's life that was in disorderly shambles.

Cristina never lived in the house, but she'd spent her share of time there, too. Eating cereal. Having dance parties. Sharing stories. Making memories.

She felt Derek's presence behind her, and then his hand reached for hers.

The four stood in silence. Birds chattered. Meredith's eyes wandered to the tree that still stood in what had once been her backyard. It had survived the fire. On the top branch, she saw two birds sitting, chirping back and forth. She wondered if there was a nest outside of her line of sight.

Life went on.

She squeezed Derek's palm and then let go, then stepped onto the foundation of her life. She looked back, motioning for the others to follow. Cristina came first, then Alex, and finally Derek.

Meredith took a few steps over to the left, where the study used to be. Her breaths hitched, recalling a memory, and then she spoke: "The wall that used to stand here is where I chicken scratched Zola's height." She swallowed thickly. "My parents tracked mine on the other side."

Derek's eyes widened, as he followed her lead. He moved toward the kitchen, where the fire had originated. Meredith's stomach rolled, remembering all the memories they'd shared there. Many were porny, much to all of her former roommates' disgrace. They'd all walked in on her and Derek at least once. She swallowed a bit of stomach acid, feeling a sense of vertigo.

She hoped Derek wouldn't share a sexual memory.

His eyes sparkled in the sunlight as he looked at her. "This is where I first showed you our house plans, Meredith," he said, then shook his head. "You weren't too thrilled about them."

She felt her cheeks warming as she reminisced about the egg she'd dropped when Derek had told her,_, "It's your house, too," _when telling her about the house plans he had lain across the table. She was attempting to cook dinner for Lexie. It was her attempt at doing a nice, sisterly deed, and then Derek had decided to, out of the blue, spring the house plans on her. She'd known he wanted to build a house with her, she just hadn't been expecting it to happen so soon. At the time, it had seemed too soon.

Now, looking back, she wished they'd built the house sooner. She wished she hadn't spent so much time running. She'd wasted so much time being scared. In reality, Derek was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Life was too short to be scared.

Her eyes darted to Cristina, who was standing in what had once been the living room. She smiled and said, "Two words: dance parties."

Meredith giggled, remembering all the dance parties they'd shared. She looked at Derek, remembering the time she'd been angry with Cristina, so Derek had insisted they have their own dance party. Those were good times. Memories that wouldn't ever be forgotten.

Alex was still silent.

"Oh, come on, Evil Spawn, you must have a memory you want to share," Cristina prodded. "If I did it, so can you. And I never even lived here."

Silence.

And then Alex inhaled a deep breath, a blank gaze reflecting on his face. He was standing in what was once the living room. "This is where Ava peed on the couch." He moved into the kitchen. "This is where she cut herself, and I had to rush her to the hospital. It's when I realized she had a problem. That I was dealing with a crazy woman."

Meredith's eyes welled with tears, and her stomach churned. Memories came flooding back to her. _She was only five years old. Her mother lay bleeding on the floor. She didn't know what to do. Her mom told her not to call anyone, but she couldn't just let her mother die. She had to get help. She grabbed the phone and dialed 9-1-1. "My mommy tried to kill herself." _

The flashback was intense, causing her to almost lose her balance. Meredith blinked, coming back to reality. Derek looked at her with concern. She'd told him about her mother after he'd told her about his father. They'd both witnessed their parents in gruesome situations. Derek inched closer to her and grabbed her hand.

"I'm okay," she mouthed. He still wrapped his arm around her, and he rubbed her back in a circular motion.

Alex moved in the direction of where the downstairs bedrooms used to be. At one point, the room he was standing in had been Izzie's.

"This is where Izzie and Denny had ghost sex," Alex said, grimacing. Then, suddenly - out of the sadness - came a smirk to his face. "And we all thought she was masturbating. I remember that time I came home from work early in the morning, and we didn't know who was in there with her, and you accused Derek."

Meredith couldn't help but burst into laughter at that. Cristina did as well, but Derek's cheeks reddened. "Wait, you thought Derek and Izzie were…?" Cristina's eyes widened. "How come I've never heard this story before?!"

"First off, I did not actually think Derek and Izzie were having sex," Meredith said flatly. "I was just confused… she was making sex noises and Alex wasn't in there with her, so…"

"You seriously thought I was?" Derek blankly stared at her.

"Well, no, not really...I don't know," Meredith's voice wavered. Of course she hadn't thought Derek was really in the room with Izzie, but he was the only other guy in the house at the time.

All four laughed boisterously at the bizarre memory.

Then all of a sudden, Alex stopped laughing. "She told me she was seeing Denny, and I laughed at her...I laughed at her. I should have known something was wrong then."

Again, silence.

Then Meredith inhaled, narrowing her eyes at Alex. She quickly reverted to a composed, serious expression.

"Alex, Izzie didn't die because of cancer. Nothing that happened is your fault," Meredith confirmed for Alex.

Alex refused to make eye contact with Meredith, though. His gaze seemed to be glued to his feet. Derek glanced at his wristwatch. "We should probably get going. Mom's expecting us," Derek suggested. Meredith nodded, agreeing with her husband, and the four returned to the car.

Meredith stared blankly at the empty lot, watching as it faded into the distance as Derek drove toward his mother's house.

* * *

><p>Their noses met a delicious aroma when they stepped into Carolyn Shepherd's home. The warm, heavy scent of honey-smoked ham scent lingered. Mrs. Shepherd was busy in the kitchen beating the mashed potatoes. She waved happily at them when they entered. Cristina and Alex were still outside, taking their time, possibly bickering in the driveway. Honestly, Meredith had no clue why they were taking so long.<p>

The children and their toys were sprawled all over the living room floor, and Amelia lay on the couch, her legs crossed, her hands resting on her swollen about-to-explode-at-any-minute belly. Meredith remembered what it was like to be that pregnant, feeling like she could literally explode at any second. Now, she looked at the result, a beautiful little boy who was happily playing with his big sister. Back then, this moment was only a fantasy. Seeing it as a reality was sort of unbelievable.

She never thought she would have one baby, more less two, and now she'd been raising three.

"Mommy, Daddy!" Zola chirped, springing off the ground and running toward her parents. She wrapped one arm around Meredith and the other around Derek. It was Derek who bent over to pick her up, though.

"Mama," Bailey babbled, waving happily from the floor, where he lay on his belly next to Blake.

"Grandma and Grandpa here to baby-sit!" Zola announced, looking brightly at Bailey and Blake. Meredith immediately realized that Blake and Zola were playing house, with Blake being the dad, Zola being the mom, and Bailey being the baby.

"Grandpa?" Derek eyed Meredith, confusion written all over his face, clearly not grasping the concept of the game.

"Daddy, you gots to watch the baby." Zola pointed at little Bailey, wiggling out of her father's arms. She ran toward Blake, reaching for his hand. "C'mon, Husband, it date night!"

Derek's mouth formed into a circle. His eyes sparked, signaling he was cluing in. "Oh, well, why can't Auntie Amy baby-sit?" Derek sincerely asked his daughter.

"'Cause she havin' a baby and no sposta lift Bails, silly Daddy. You the Grandpa, you watch baby," Zola explained matter-of-factly, cocking her head toward Blake. "C'mon, Husband. Let's go! We gonna be late!"

And the children waltzed out of the living room.

Meredith met Derek's shocked eyes and couldn't help but giggle. Derek shook his head and a chuckle escaped his lips as he adjusted his son in his arms. "I thought I had at least twenty-five years before anyone would call me _Grandpa_,' Derek said, smirking.

"It'll be here before you know it," Meredith sighed, eying Amelia, who was also grinning widely.

"They're too cute," Amelia said, resting her hand on her belly.

Derek scoped out the room. "Where are Chris and Angie?"

"Oh, Chris got paged into an emergency surgery, so they're not going to be able to make it," Amelia revealed, rubbing her nose. "You know how that goes."

Meredith and Derek locked eyes, speaking in unison, "We do."

"And Nancy got paged, too, so she won't be here either," Amelia added.

"So it's just us?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Afraid so," Amelia said, shifting her body, looking uncomfortable. "I can't say I'm too upset. I was afraid that all those Shepherds under one roof would surely send me into labor."

"Well, you're almost full term, so it's not like that would be such a bad thing," Meredith shrugged, meeting Derek's gaze. "I mean, you have to be uncomfortable. Bailey was born at thirty-seven weeks, so I remember those days."

"She's only thirty-six weeks," Derek pointed out.

"I know that, but I felt like I was going to explode at any moment for the last five weeks of my pregnancy. And I couldn't see my feet for at least ten weeks. You men don't realize the work that goes into housing _your _children for nine months. You sure have no problem wanting to knock us up, though," Meredith scoffed, rolling her eyes, noting that her husband's cheeks had flushed a light rosy color.

The room exploded with silence, which Derek broke by saying, "Had I known so many people were bowing out, I would have urged Addison and Charlotte to come a little harder. Knowing the way Mom cooks, we'll have leftovers for a month."

Amelia froze. "Addison and Charlotte are in town?"

"They were at the hospital looking for you. Why haven't you returned their calls?" Derek glared at his sister with suspicion, and Meredith clenched her fists together, wishing Derek hadn't said anything.

Amelia lips curved downward. She turned her head away before saying, "I...uh...have to go to the bathroom." She reached for the armrest for support, trying to pull herself up, clearly struggling to get up. Derek quickly shuffled the blond-haired, blue-eyed toddler to Meredith and reached to assist his sister, while also giving Derek a mild look of vengeance. Amelia huffed. "I'm fi-"

Before she could finish her sentence, though, the front door swung open, and Amelia quickly vanished.

"I told you, Cristina, I'm perfectly capable of handling myself. How about you mind your own business?" Alex's deep, angry voice raged through the living room.

"And all I'm saying is, that's fantastic! Why don't you stop yelling at me, then, and start acting like the big boy you claim that you are?"

Both froze when they met the eyes of Meredith, Derek, Amelia, and Baby Bailey, then Mrs. Shepherd popped her head out of the kitchen. "Welcome, dears," the older woman gleamed, not the least bit fazed by the bickering - probably used to it after raising five children. She also acted as if she were expecting Cristina and Alex, making Meredith wonder if Derek had given his mother a heads' up. "What a relief that you're here, since I had four cancellations. There's plenty of food!"

"Daddy?" a little voice came from the hallway that Zola and Blake had disappeared into only a few minutes earlier. Blake appeared, his brown eyes wide when he saw Alex. "Daddy! It's really you!" The four-year-old boy ran toward Alex, throwing his arms around Alex's waist. "I misseded you so much!"

"Hey, Blake," Alex smiled hesitantly, kissing the boy's straight brown hair. "How've you been?"

"Zola and I was on a date," Blake announced to his father as Zola appeared in the archway, timidly batting her eyelashes.

"You were?" Alex's eyes widened, shooting a quick glance at Meredith and Derek, who both shrugged. Bailey had nestled his head against Meredith, his little thumb in his mouth, drool dripping down his face to the surface of Meredith's shirt. She also felt a dampness coming from his diaper.

"Yep!" Blake said.

"Well, I hope you treated her right," Alex smiled.

"Of course! I love Zola!" Blake announced, releasing Alex's legs from his embrace and running toward Zola, then kissing her cheek. Zola's eyes widened, as did Derek's. "Marry me!"

"Oh, Blakey, 'course I marry you!" Zola responded, her eyes wide, wrapping her arms around Blake. In that moment, Meredith nearly lost Bailey from her arms. "We needs post-it note!" And then Meredith and Derek's eyes found each other, smiles splitting across their faces.

"Aww, Mother like Daughter...or is it Daughter like Mother?" Cristina rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"Your kid's just as cheesy as you two are," Alex taunted Meredith and Derek. "By the way, my son is _not_ getting married on a post-it."

"Well, my daughter isn't getting married at three years old," Derek responded matter-of-factly.

Meredith sighed. "Oh, embrace it. In a couple years they'll think each other has cooties. I think it's cute." Bailey suddenly weighed heavier in her arms. Fumes of poo soiled her nose, setting off her gag reflex. "And I have a diaper to change. Can't _wait _until we're done with those," she groaned in disgust, carrying Bailey into the nursery/playroom that Carolyn had set up for when her grandchildren visit.

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><p>While Meredith didn't particularly enjoy the soiled process of diaper changing duties, and she couldn't wait until the day Bailey was fully potty trained, there was something about the moment following his changing that couldn't replaced. The big smile her son gave her, as if he was saying, "Thank you for disposing of my waste," and the giggle that followed, was a magical moment. Then there was the moment she took her baby boy into her arms and cuddled him, while humming softly to him.<p>

It was a bonding moment between her and her baby, and she would miss that.

"Yes, you are Mama's good boy, aren't you?" she grinned at Bailey as she wiped his hands and face with a clean wipe, eliciting a giggle from Bailey.

"Poopoo!" Bailey babbled, still giggling.

"Yes, you went poopoo, Bails," Meredith smiled at her son. His giggle was enough to warm her heart forever. The smiles and laughter made the poo and tears worthwhile.

She ended up sitting down in the rocking chair with Bailey, who rested his against her shoulder, sucking on his blue pacifier. Meredith studied her little guy, noting all the subtle feature changes in her little boy. So much had changed in him in just the last few months. His hair was longer, for starters, and he was taller. His hair was straight, like hers, but it was getting thicker, like his dad's. His hair golden blonde, and his skin pale and fair, like hers. Though he had the brightest and bluest eyes, just like his father.

Sometimes she couldn't believe that she and Derek had made this little boy together. He was perfect, just perfect.

"_Well, we would make pretty babies," _she remembered telling Derek. And she was right.

They had made a beautiful, perfect baby.

"_It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world," _Derek's soft voice repeated in her head, reminding her of their dozens of discussions in recent months. And, for some reason, her hand lingered near her bellybutton. Her insides twisted.

She looked around the room, a sea of emotions flooding her body as she admired Carolyn's ravishing decorating skills. Zola and Blake had helped her decorate the room. There were posters of teddy bears and unicorns on the blue-painted walls, and there were photos of each and every one of Carolyn's grandchildren, including Blake and her great-granddaughter Belle. A small round table was set with tea cups, plates, and toy food, possible remnants of Zola and Blake's "date." There was a large toy box, filled with toys, and four bookshelves filled with children's books. Currently, two cribs and a bassinet were set up.

Carolyn was certainly prepared, even if she didn't know if she was. They were lucky to have Derek's mom in Seattle.

Bailey spit his pacifier out and poked the center of her breast, causing a brief moment of pain for Meredith. "No, Bailey," she scolded him, but her son only giggle in response. He'd at least brought her out of her fantasy world, causing her to realize it was time to return to the living room menagerie. That's when she heard sobs coming from the other end of the hall, in the direction of one of Mrs. Shepherd's guest rooms. She had three, apart from the nursery/playroom. Rather than returning to the living room, Meredith found herself following the sob sounds.

She opened the door at the end of the hall to find Amelia sitting at the foot of the bed, clutching hold of a pillow, and tears poured from her eyes.

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><p><strong>AN: Amelia is about to confess something huge. Any ideas about what it could be? **


	58. Chapter 58

**A/N: I know I've been saying forever and ever that this story is nearing its finale. I even have a document title titled "finale" where I'm writing the "ending" chapters, because it is almost finished. Rather than posting long updates, though, I've decided to break them down, so I can update more often. I think that's the preferred method of reading by most, anyway, no? I know I prefer shorter chapters than long chapters when I'm reading, because it makes reading a chapter easier when I'm on a break. Anyway, this chapter contains my dream Meredith/Cristina/Amelia relationship that never happened on the show thanks to the crappy Grey's writers.**

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><p>"Amelia, what's wrong?" Meredith asked, bouncing her son in her arms, cautiously approaching her sister-in-law. "You're not in labor, are you?"<p>

Amelia furiously shook her head and turned away. "Meredith, go away," she whimpered, pushing a strand of her long brown hair behind her ear. "I can't…" Honoring Amelia's wishes, Meredith turned around to leave, but before she could actually leave, Amelia cried out, "Wait!"

"I thought you wanted me to leave?" Meredith spun around, confused by Amelia's inconsistent behavior.

"I don't...I don't know," sobbed Amelia, clutching the pillow closer to her enlarged breasts.

Meredith exhaled slowly, again approaching Amelia. "May I?" she said, asking permission to take a seat on the bed next to Amelia. Amelia nodded, so Meredith sat down. Then she pushed the baby toward Amelia. "Here, take him."

"Meredith, I can't…" Amelia pushed the baby away.

"You need him. Trust me, he'll make you feel better," Meredith pressed, pushing her son toward Amelia again, who finally relented, and she let go of the pillow and laid the baby against her belly as she peered into Bailey's eyes.

"He has the Shepherd eyes," she whispered notably, running her fingers through Bailey's light blond hair. The tension in Amelia's face released, her tears slowed, and a small smile broke her lips.

"Maybe your baby boy will, too," Meredith smiled. She shrugged, "They're not bad eyes to have." Meredith smiled weakly. Amelia looked up, and Meredith met her perilous, tear-filled bright blue eyes - the same eyes shared by her husband and son. The "Shepherd eyes," as Amelia had claimed.

When Meredith said that, though, Amelia's eyes darted away and her head shook. "Meredith.."

"Look, I get you're scared… motherhood is scary, I'm not going to lie.."

"No," Amelia said. "You have no idea…"

"Okay, then. Tell me. The only way I can have an idea is if you tell me what's going on," Meredith replied.

Amelia looked up at the ceiling, exhaling loudly. "I...I told Owen the truth this morning."

"The truth?"

"About the baby," Amelia said slowly.

"What about the baby?" Confusion swept over Meredith. Silence ached as Amelia arched her back slightly, continuing to stare at the ceiling, and Bailey slid off Amelia's belly and sat between them on the bed. He rested his head against the swell of Amelia's belly, and Amelia started to cry harder. Meredith scooped Bailey into her lap. Bailey sucked on his thumb, leaning his ear against Meredith's breast. Meredith hoped he wouldn't poke her again.

"Gaga," Bailey babbled, slobbering all over the hands she'd just cleaned a few minutes ago.

"Gaga is right," Amelia mumbled, still looking away from Meredith and Bailey. "I'm a God, horrible, terrible, awful person, Meredith. That's the truth here."

"Okay," was all Meredith could say, even more perplexed.

"And there's no coming back from this. I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I was just starting to come back from it all, you know. Cristina and I were getting along. People at Grey Sloan don't look at me like I'm just Derek's druggie sister anymore, but the reality is, that's who I'll always be…"

"You're using again?" Meredith blurted.

"God, no! No, no, no, I'm not. I swear," Amelia quipped, her voice draining.

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "Then what is it, Amelia? You obviously want to tell me, so tell me already. Bailey and I won't tell anyone." She looked down at her son and smiled. "Isn't that right, Bails?"

"Mama boogie larda!" Bailey replied in a babble.

"I think he just called me the boogie man, but see, he can keep a secret," Meredith smiled, trying to lighten the mood, and Amelia turned her head toward her, and Meredith caught her smiling for a brief moment before the smile quickly faded.

Amelia sighed deeply. "Well, for starters, I wasn't drunk the night I got pregnant, like I initially claimed."

"You weren't?" Meredith couldn't tell where this was going, though she didn't know why Amelia would lie about drinking, especially since she'd been so adamant about proclaiming her sobriety these past months.

"No," Amelia said. "I have been sober - completely sober - for 721 days."

"That's a good thing, though?" Meredith's eyebrows rose.

"One might think," she heard Amelia mumble.

"What's this about, Amelia? You weren't drunk the night you got pregnant. What are you trying to say? You slept with two guys sober?" Meredith asked.

Amelia snickered. "No, that's not what I'm trying to say," she shook her head. "I'm trying to say that I was never, ever, unfaithful to James. I never freaking slept with my best friends' husbands! I made it up! Derek was going on and on with his damn interrogations, sending me every implication in the book that I had to have a legit reason to not want to keep my baby. He was implying I'd cheated on James, so I fed the beast what he wanted to hear. I let everyone think that I was a cheating whore, so I had a legit reason to give up my baby."

Tears flooded from Amelia's eyes, and she continued: "Then the lie...it got easier to tell, and it made sense the more I thought about it. I told James that I'd cheated on him, because I wanted him to leave me alone, I wanted him to go away and never come back, so I didn't have to deal with him. Of course I didn't know he would freaking die, though I knew he'd never have the guts to tell Addison and Charlotte my confession, and if he did, they'd laugh at him, and of course their husbands would deny it because it was bizarre and obviously untrue. But still, it gave me a reason to avoid Charlotte and Addison, because frankly, I don't want to talk to them right now."

Meredith was speechless at her confession. "Why? Why don't want you to talk to them?"

"It's too late to talk to them, to explain everything," she said quietly. "I ran from them, and they're going to want to know why. And, Meredith, you want to know why?"

"Why?" she asked softly.

"I don't flipping know!" she cried out. "I don't know why I ran from LA. From James. It was an impulsive decision, that's what I do. I act on impulse. I get scared, and I run. That's why I would make a terrible mother." Silence fell between the two women, and then Amelia said quietly, "And Owen, oh, sweet Owen, he deserves better. So much better."

"You said you told him everything?"

Amelia nodded, her face matted with tears. "I haven't heard from him since. He was supposed to come tonight, but I got a brief text saying he'd been paged into surgery. That's it."

"Maybe he was, you know, called into surgery. It happens all the time. You know that," Meredith said. Bailey stuck out his arm and touched Amelia's damp face with his finger.

"Baba!" Bailey cried out. Meredith looked at the clock, and her nose became aware of the smell of food that filled the air. Her stomach rumbled.

"Yeah, you're a hungry boy, aren't you, Bails?" she bounced Bailey on her knee.

"You should go. Tell everyone I'm not feeling well enough to eat," Amelia pressed.

"Amelia, you should eat. For the baby." Meredith patted Amelia's knee in reassurance. "You're not the only one with secrets, you know."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Right. What's yours?"

Meredith's breaths hitched. "Well," she said quietly. "I think I might be pregnant."

Amelia's jaw dropped. "What? Seriously? How far along? When did you find out?"

"Shhhh," Meredith raised her finger over her lip. "I...don't know for sure. The last time I had my period was when I was in DC."

"That was like twelve weeks ago!" Amelia gasped loudly. Meredith raised her eyebrows, making a _Shhh_ sound with her lips again. Amelia then said in a much quieter voice, "That was like twelve weeks ago."

"I know," Meredith said. "I've been so busy at work, I honestly haven't paid much attention. I've been gaining weight though, and I attributed it to the fact I've been eating more hospital junk food, since I've been spending a lot of time there, but now I'm not so sure…"

"You have to take a test, hello! You have like a whole stash of pregnancy tests in your master bathroom," Amelia said, her face reddening the minute she said that, as if she knew she'd been busted.

"Yeah, Cristina mentioned that you've been taking showers at our place. That's fine, by the way. I don't mind. You should have just asked me, though. No need to sneak around," Meredith shrugged.

"Right, sorry about that. It wasn't you I was worried about…"

"I doubt Derek would care if you use our bathroom to shower in. You're his sister. He was willing to let you live with us," Meredith said. "Of course, now we don't exactly have room for you, especially if I'm right about my suspicions..."

"It's fine, I wouldn't want to live with me, either," Amelia sighed.

"All the more reason you and Owen have to sort things out," Meredith winked knowingly. "What happened to asking Derek to build a house?"

Amelia sighed. "It's just...I don't know. It's so fast. The baby's going to be here any day, and I know I can always stay with Mom. Hell, she has a whole nursery prepared. I just never thought I'd be the thirty-something-year-old with her baby who lives with her mom. I feel like I'm sixteen or something. I know I'm acting like I'm sixteen."

"So fix it," Meredith said definitively. "You control your choices, after all. No one else can do that for you."

"Same can be said for you," Amelia said matter-of-factly, then whispered, "Take a test."

"I will...later," Meredith sighed, nervously. She hadn't digested the possibility of her housing another Shepherd spawn in her body fully, yet. "Just, please, don't say anything to anyone...especially Derek. He'll kill me if he knows you know before him. He freaked out when I told Cristina last time before him, and I wasn't even really pregnant."

That's when she looked up and saw Cristina Yang standing in the doorway. _Crap-ola._

"Well, well, well," Cristina shook her head.

"How much of that did you hear, exactly?" Amelia asked with a certain dread in her voice.

"Enough," Cristina nodded, smiling knowingly. "I'm not judging, really I'm not, and I totally knew you were pregnant, Mer."

"I don't know for sure, yet," Meredith said.

"Oh, I do. You don't need to take a test. Surely you've noticed your boobs growing, right? I've thought you were pregnant for weeks, but didn't want to say anything. I thought you already knew and were waiting for the right time to tell me," Cristina confessed, looking at the little boy on Meredith's lap. "Like you denied it when you were knocked up with Bailey. I honestly thought you knew."

Meredith's face flushed, though she was still in denial. "You didn't take some of my blood and get it tested, did you?"

Cristina laughed, sitting on the bed on the other side of Meredith, putting Meredith in the middle of Amelia and Cristina. "I didn't have to. I can tell by looking at you. Seriously, Mer, it's bad when your best friend knows you're pregnant, and you don't."

"Well, I'm not believing it until the stick turns blue," Meredith spat.

"You do that. Then you can tell me I was right," Cristina teased. "Seriously, McDreamy hasn't noticed? As much as he's always feeling you up, surely he would notice there's a baby inside you, especially this far along...it's obvious."

"Cristina, will you please shut up?" Meredith said, a tiny smile crossing her face.

Meanwhile, Amelia burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Meredith shot at her sister-in-law.

"Oh, nothing. It's just...you two are hilarious, that's all. I don't know why the three of us haven't hung out more often," Amelia said, smiling brightly.

"Maybe because you were lying junkie whore who was banging my ex," Cristina said, a hint of joking and sarcasm in her tone, causing Amelia to laugh harder. "Though," Cristina continued slowly. "Sounds like there's trouble in paradise?"

Amelia shook her head. "I don't know...maybe it's all in my head. Not that you're the person who I would really talk about this. No offense, it's just a wee bit awkward." She held her pointer finger and her thumb just centimeters apart.

"None taken, given all the crap I gave you earlier. Sorry about that, by the way," Cristina winked. "As for Owen, I wouldn't worry about him judging you. He's not a judgy guy. If he loves you, he'll fight for you at all costs."

"Does he love me?" Amelia croaked.

Cristina was quiet for a minute and then she nodded. "I believe so, yes. I passed him the other day in the hall, and he didn't even look at me. He was too glued to his phone, probably texting you. We always used to make eye contact when we passed each other, so that's how I know he's moved on."

Amelia rested her hands on her swollen belly. "What if it's just about the baby?"

"Well," Cristina laughed, "at least you'll have a pretty kick-ass dad for your baby's father. I don't any other guy who would make a better father than Owen Hunt." She glanced at Meredith. "Aside from maybe Derek Shepherd. Eh, they're tied. Now that's a picture I'd like to take: Owen Hunt and Derek Shepherd on your back porch, drinking beers, both wearing baby slings."

Amelia and Meredith both giggled at Cristina's picture perfect description.

"It would be a pretty hot photo," Meredith acknowledged.

"Hey, in another few months, we'll get that picture," Cristina winked confidently, and Meredith's cheeks reddened. "Anyway, I'd originally come to find you to let you know, the wedding is about to start, and Zola wants her mommy there."

"The wedding?! What? I thought they were just kidding," Meredith's eyes widened.

"Oh, no. They were serious. Zola and Blake want a real post-it wedding," Cristina snickered, sliding off the bed.

Amelia's eyes widened. "Wait? What? Now this sounds like something I need to see."


	59. Chapter 59

When Meredith returned to the living room with Cristina and a waddling Amelia, she was shocked at the sight of her daughter and her apparently soon-to-be son-in-law. Zola had changed into a pair of play scrubs that she often wore when the kids played "Doctor." Meredith and Derek had told Zola the story of their first wedding numerous times, and Zola knew that Mommy had been wearing scrubs. Clearly Zola wanted to replicate her mother's attire of the day.

Blake even sat on the couch, while Zola stood before him.

"Momma, you made it!" Zola cheered as Meredith passed Bailey to Derek.

"Is this for real?" Meredith mouthed to her husband, who nodded grimly in reply.

"I guess so. I swear, she's trying to give me a heart attack before she's five," Derek whispered back, exhaling slowly and shaking his head.

Meredith conjured a small smile, though she was suddenly feeling self-conscious. She thought back to what Cristina had said, about the possibility of her really, truly being pregnant, and the fact that Derek ought to have noticed. They had been indulging in a fair amount of sex in on call rooms as of lately, and it was true that he liked to cop a feel whenever given the chance. Had he noticed changes in her body? She knew she was gaining weight, but the thought had not weighed too heavily on her mind. Until today.

Derek frequently made remarks on the subject of family expansion. Was it because he suspected? Was he just not saying anything, because he was waiting for her to tell him herself? Obviously, he knew better than to ask her, because any man with common sense knew not to ask a woman if she was pregnant if he wanted to keep his balls intact.

Maybe she was reading too into this. Maybe she wasn't even pregnant, and Cristina had just messed with her mind, though she seemed pretty sure. Cristina was, after all, Cristina. She had a way of saying whatever she wanted, without thinking about how it would affect others.

How could she be almost twelve weeks pregnant and not know?

Then again, Amelia was already _twenty _weeks pregnant when she first arrived in Seattle and had then claimed that she'd just found out she was pregnant. Though Amelia had said that her periods were always irregular. Meredith's weren't. She was always on a regular cycle.

But she'd been so busy lately, taking care of three kids and also taking on the new fellowship. Plus, there'd been the whole fiasco with Alex, Jo, and Izzie. So much had happened in so little time, taking her focus off what was going on inside her body. It was believable that she could have missed all the obvious signs, unlike with Bailey. She'd found out she was pregnant before her missed period with Bailey.

Everyone gathered around the living room. Carolyn sat on the couch next to Blake with the blue post-it notes and a pen, clearly prepared to help him write the vows. Meredith sat down next to Carolyn. The older woman smiled genuinely.

"Now," Carolyn said with a twinkle in her eye, "you and Derek are going to have to explain the rules of the post-it note to Zola and Blake, because I surely know nothing about them."

Meredith laughed, looking up at her husband, who had a sparkle in his eye as he set Bailey on the floor and knelt down to Zola and Blake's level. "Well, they're pretty simple," he explained. "You need to make vows. A commitment."

"What bows?" Zola didn't seem to understand.

"What a commitament mean?" Blake asked, also very much confused.

"It's a promise," Meredith explained. "You have to make promises to each other."

"Oh!" both kids exclaimed.

"Well, then, what do you want to promise each other?" Derek asked the kids, Bailey falling into his lap. Meredith smiled as she watched Derek's arms around his son. He was such a good dad. She was lucky to have as the father of her children. Her kids were lucky, too. He definitely made up for the fact she'd grown up without a father. Derek showed her day in and day out what a real father was like.

"Hmmm…" Blake and Zola put their fingers on their chins.

"I promise to always let Zo haf ze last cookie!" Blake announced. "Or piece of cake!"

The room filled with laughter. "All right, then," Derek grinned, taking the post-it and pen from his mother's hand, to write down their vows. Meredith stole a glance at what he was writing: _To always let Zola have the last dessert_.

"Okay, Zola, what do you want to promise Blake?" Meredith asked her daughter, still finding it hard to believe that her three-year-old was replaying her and Derek's post-it wedding. She couldn't stop stealing glances at Derek, feeling overwhelmed with emotions as she reminisced about that day. It felt like yesterday, yet it was so many years ago. People had laughed at them, but she couldn't be prouder at what they'd become since. And their love just continued to grow.

"I promise notta drop his tootbrush in the toilet again!" Zola giggled, and everyone's mouths dropped open.

"You dropped my tootbrush in the toilet?!" the little boy gasped.

"Only once," Zola confessed in a tiny voice, the room filled with lots of laughter.

"So that why it tasted like toots," Blake giggled.

"Prolly," Zola shrugged.

Meredith rolled her eyes when she saw Alex grinning widely. It was the first time she had seen him smile – really, truly genuinely smile – in weeks. She was happy to see him smiling again, even if it was for a childish reason.

"All right, do you have anymore promises for each other?" Carolyn Shepherd asked the children.

"Yes, I gots one more," Zola said, smiling excitedly. "I promise to always lets Blakey be on top."

A loud gasp escaped from Derek's lips, his hand falling to Meredith's knee. Meredith's jaw also dropped, her heart skipping a full beat as she struggled to regain a regular breathing pattern. Derek's insidious blue eyes darkened in terror. Meredith was worried her husband was going to have a heart attack in his current state.

"Breathe, Derek," Meredith said quietly. "Breathe."

"Coz I no like the bottom," Blake said. "It too hot down there!"

"Being on top is much cooler, absolutely, son," Alex said in a serious voice, and Cristina and Amelia both snickered loudly.

"Alex!" Meredith hissed. Derek was clutching onto his own throat as Bailey innocently tugged on his father's shirt.

"What? I always hated the bottom bunk," Alex shrugged sincerely. "My brother and I had bunk beds when we were kids, and I always had to be on top. Of course, Aaron didn't mind being on bottom, because he's afraid of heights."

"You gots a brodder, Daddy?" Blake asked inquisitively.

"I do, and a sister. Aaron and Amber," Alex said.

"Where do dey live?" Blake asked.

"They live in Iowa. It's far, far away," Alex explained.

"Can I meets them?" Blake's eyes widened.

"One day, sure," Alex smiled sincerely, causing Meredith to also smile wide. This was a good sign, she knew. A very good sign. Alex joking and talking about taking Blake to meet his brother and sister had to be a good sign. Meredith had a feeling that Alex and Blake would be okay. Alex would persevere, and get custody of his son. She had faith him. Alex might be one of the strongest persons Meredith knew.

"K, what now?" Zola asked, referring to the next steps of "post-it," as she rubbed her forehead with curiosity.

"Well," Derek said, regrouping. "You have to each sign your names on the post-it, and then you have to kiss."

"We hafta kiss?" both kids' eyes widened. Then they looked at each other.

"EWWWWW!" They both bellowed loudly, their faces squinting in disgust.

Derek grinned, a hint of fiend in his eye. He had a plan. "Yes, you have to, or the marriage isn't legally binding."

"Huh?" both kids looked confused.

"It's not real," Meredith explained, adding to Derek's brilliant plan. "No kiss, no marriage."

Both kids stuck out their lips. "Kissing icky!" they both said in unison.

"Dat 'tinks!" Zola turned around, arms crossed.

"Kissing isn't icky," Derek protested, wiggling his eyebrows up and down at Meredith. "In fact, I think it's fun." He chuckled, bouncing Bailey on his knee as he leaned forward and pecked Meredith's lips. "See, fun?"

"EWWWW!" Zola shouted in disgust, running away.

"Zoey, where you goin'?" Blake asked, standing up after her.

"I no get married coz kissing yucky!" Zola said with determination, crossing her arms and stomping her foot.

Blake shrugged, not fazed by his runaway bride. "'Kay." He chased after her. "Let's play hide-and-go-seek!"

"Okay!" Zola exclaimed.

The adults all chortled together, and Meredith met Derek's twinkling blue eyes, his face practically in her lap now. "You," she said quietly, stroking his chin, "are a genius." She kissed his forehead.

Derek shrugged, chuckling. "You know, my ego didn't need reminded," he teased, placing his hands on her thighs. Meredith rolled her eyes, and she tapped his forehead with her thumb.

"Ow!" he mouthed, just as a timer dinged sounded in the kitchen, breaking up the adults' laughter.

"Hold out on your hiding and seeking, kids! Dinner is ready," Mrs. Shepherd announced, setting the unsigned post-it notes on an end table and making her way into the kitchen.

"Do you need help?" Meredith offered genuinely, following Derek's mother into the kitchen.

"That would be great, dear," Mrs. Shepherd replied, but before Meredith could get into the kitchen, her phone rang in her pocket.

"Hold on, I have to take this," she said, before looking at the caller identification. Mrs. Shepherd nodded understandably.

"I understand completely. I raised five doctors, remember?" Mrs. Shepherd winked.

_Stephanie Edwards_ was the name that appeared on her screen after Meredith escaped from the boisterous, chatty group in the living room and kitchen area. She groaned, knowing the only reason the young resident would be contacting her was in relation to a patient. Meredith was actually enjoying tonight and was not in the mood to have to leave to go to the hospital. Go figure.

Nonetheless, it was the nature of the job, and she knew if she had to go, she would go. At least she had this time with her kids. Ellis never would have played along with her fake post-it marriage when she was Zola's age. Heck, Ellis would have mocked the life out of her and Derek's post-it note wedding had she been alive to learn of it. Meredith was kind of grateful she wasn't alive to witness her and Derek's post-it wedding.

"What is it, Edwards?" Meredith abruptly answered the call.

"Dr. Grey, um, uh, it's Jo…"

"What about her?" Meredith demanded, her voice hushed, in case Alex was within listening distance.

"She's… she's… you're not going to believe this…"

"Get to the chase already, Edwards, I don't have all day," Meredith said harshly, possibilities running through her head, and she didn't believe where her thoughts led her. Jo had not shown signs of improvement in hours, so Meredith knew the odds were that she _wouldn't_. Sure, there were cases where patients who were pronounced brain dead miraculously recovered after they had succeeded the limit to officially pronounce them, which Jo had. It happened, though it was so rare. All the logic inside Meredith's doctor brain told her it simply wasn't possible, and any improvement Stephanie may have thought she had witnessed was simply a hallucination. After all, Jo was her friend. She had no business visiting her as anything other than a friend.

"I was, uh, sitting here...talking to her...and she opened her eyes. That's not possible for brain dead patients, right?"

"She opened her eyes?" Meredith said in an even lower voice, still not believing for a second that Stephanie had actually seen Jo Wilson opening her eyes. Maybe she had imagined it. "For how long?"

"I don't know, a few seconds. She closed them again. But I know for a fact I saw her open them."

"Did her eyes move?"

"No, but brain dead patients don't open their eyes, right?"

"Patients in vegetative states and comas can and often do open their eyes and move them around, but no, patients who are completely brain dead do not open their eyes. Are you absolutely certain? Maybe you hallucinated it. Look, Edwards, this is a tragedy for us all. I…"

"I did _not _hallucinate it, Dr. Grey. She opened her eyes. I _know _what I saw," Edwards rebutted argumentatively.

"Okay," Meredith replied simply. "You know what you saw."

"You don't believe me," Edwards mumbled, frustration evident in her tone.

"You're right. I don't," Meredith said, plain and simple. "But here's what you're gonna do. You're going to run a pupillary response test. You know how do that, right?"

"Yes, of course," Dr. Edwards said, sounding offended.

"I ran one earlier, and nothing," Meredith asserted.

"I know there's been no response, Dr. Grey. But you've tried the treatment with her. The one that worked before...maybe it's starting to work?"

Meredith swallowed thickly, knowing Dr. Edwards had a point, though so much more time had passed than had passed with James when they'd started to see results with him. He had shown progress after twelve hours, whereas Jo had not.

"Maybe," Meredith said in a small voice. "Run the test, and tell me if her pupils respond."

"Doing it now," Dr. Edwards proclaimed. A few moments later, Meredith heard a loud gasp from the other end of the phone. "Dr. Grey, you're going to have to come here and see this for yourself, or you're not going to believe it."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Had this planned long before 11x21 aired, and it only contributed to my anger. Okay, I know that there is no "treatment" for brain death like I've created in this fic, but who knows what the future holds and what Meredith could create (if she returned to the specialty she was actually passionate about: neuro). However, what pisses me off is the fact that Meredith did not insist on re-running every test in the book with Derek herself. There have actually been several misdiagnosed cases where people _have _woken up after being declared brain dead (look it up). If I were Meredith, I wouldn't have trusted the scans that those boneheaded doctors gave me, because I'd question if they were even the right scans. The least she could have done is transfer him back to GSMH. Anyhow, end of rant. I'll never stop being angry about anything and everything related to that episode. **


	60. Chapter 60

Meredith quietly re-entered the kitchen, trying not to draw attention to herself, particularly from Alex. Alex was in the living room with Amelia and the kids. She could hear them giggling. Alex was imitating Donald Duck. All three kids and Amelia were giggling like crazy. She couldn't help but chuckle a little herself, because she'd never seen Alex like this before.

Cristina was nowhere to be seen.

Derek had stepped up to help his mother set the table. He glimpsed at when she walked into the kitchen. Meredith swallowed thickly, feeling her face paling.

"Everything okay?" Derek asked gently.

Meredith was quiet for a beat, before shaking her head. "It was Edwards," she said hoarsely.

"Do you need to go in?" Derek asked as if he already knew the answer to the question, while placing a big basket of fluffy, buttery rolls in the center of the table. Meredith's mouth watered. They looked delicious, and Meredith hadn't eaten in hours. Her stomach rumbled, it longing to taste the savory food Mrs. Shepherd had prepared for them.

"I...yes," she stammered, lowering her voice as low as it could go, raising her lips to Derek's ear, "It's Jo...Edwards thinks she opened her eyes."

"What?" Derek gasped loudly.

"Shh!" she hissed sharply, noting the inquisitive expression on Mrs. Shepherd's face. Fortunately, the kids, Alex, and Amelia had not reacted to Derek's gasp. Alex was imitating Bugs Bunny now. "I have to go to the hospital," Meredith said, obscuring a glance at Alex. It was the first time since the accident he genuinely looked happy; she didn't want to stir up anything, not yet, not until she had all the facts.

"I'm going with you," Derek quipped.

Meredith froze. "Don't you trust me?" she asked as Derek's hand brushed her waist.

"Of course I trust you. Two sets of eyes in these situations is never a bad idea," Derek replied simply. _Good answer, _Meredith thought, noticing the twinkle in her husband's eyes.

"True," she admitted, "but I'd feel bad if we both bail."

"If you two need to go to the hospital, then go. I'll fix you both plates to go." Meredith had forgotten Mrs. Shepherd was within earshot of their conversation.

"Oh, you don't have to do that," Meredith insisted, feeling even more guilty now.

"Don't worry about it, dear. I've raised five doctors. I'm used to fixing to-go plates," she winked, taking out two plastic cartons.

Carolyn Shepherd definitely was prepared.

"Besides," Mrs. Shepherd continued, "I have all this food. I'm going to have oodles of leftovers."

"Well, Amelia's eating for two and has been eating like a horse lately, so maybe not," Derek's voice amplified; he wasn't trying to remain obscure at all.

"Hey, I heard that!" Amelia hollered from the living room.

"Love you, sis," Derek said back.

Amelia groaned. "I hope my son pees on you the first time you change his diaper," she sniped.

Derek laughed, and Meredith's eyes widened.

"It's nothing he's not used to," Meredith shrugged in her husband's defense.

"Very true. I can't count the number of times Bailey has hit me bullseye."

"Right in the face, too," Meredith recalled at least one time Derek's head was covered in pee. It was an amusing site, for her, at least. Derek wasn't humored at the time, though.

"Only because I was trying to show _you _how to cover him properly to prevent you from getting covered in pee, and he happened to hit me just after you'd moved out of the way," Derek reminded her, which was the truth. She didn't have a ton of experience changing diapers. The nurses changed the diapers in the hospital nursery, for the most part, and Zola was a girl so she didn't need to worry about covering up a hose. Derek unarguably had more experience changing diapers than she did, though he only had five nephews, and had changed far more girls' diapers than boys' since his family was XX dominated.

"Oops," she smiled, then mouthing, "We should go."

He nodded, picking up the two to-go boxes his mother had packed, handing her one. Her stomach gurgled, and she couldn't help herself from stealing another unpacked roll from the table. She tore off a piece of buttery carb goodness and placed it in her mouth, savoring its delectable deliciousness. As they were about to leave the kitchen, Cristina entered, helping herself to a roll as well.

"What? Are you two bailing?" Cristina tittered.

Derek frowned, "We need to get to the hospital." Meredith nodded apologetically, before saying goodbye to the children, kissing them each, Blake included, on the forehead. Neither she nor Derek offered any further explanation. They then bolted before Alex, Amelia, or Cristina could ask questions.

* * *

><p>"You know," Derek said as they drove away from his mother's house, both devouring the fresh warm meals Mrs. Shepherd had packed for them, "Maybe it's not such a bad thing that we're almost done with diapers. Bailey will be potty trained in a few months, and our lives will be a hell of a lot easier. No more worrying about if we have enough diapers to get through the night… no more pee everywhere…"<p>

Meredith stomach tightened. Okay, so _now _he decided he was content with their family. She feigned a smile and forced out the word, "Yeah."

He reached out to squeeze her hand. "I'm content with our little family the way it is," Derek said. "It's nice to see Alex and Blake bonding again. I assume that means he'll be wanting to arrange to get full custody, soon."

"Well, to be fair, Alex hasn't said that, yet," Meredith said, even though her thinking was on the same line as Derek's. She hoped that's what would happen.

"Don't get me wrong, Blake's a great kid, and he's welcome to stay with us for as long as need be, but he needs his father. He's been through so much, and I think he and Alex need each other," Derek explained.

"I agree completely," Meredith said, unable to recall how long it's been since she and Derek were truly and completely on the same page. Derek was wonderful with Blake, although he was the first to accept the idea of them fostering him/. He was such a good dad, and even though Derek said he was content, she sensed he didn't truly mean it.

_Maybe he was saying it because he knew, and he wanted her to tell him._

"You're not content," Meredith pointed out.

"What?" She watched his face as he turned the corner; he genuinely looked confused.

"You're not content...not having more," she said, sighing. "Derek, you came from a big family, and I know how important family is to you. You want as many kids as we can have, and I know the whole idea of having a family in the first place is foreign to me. It's always been scary to me, but I'm learning. You...you've taught me what family is, Derek." She felt tears building in eyes. "And I couldn't be more grateful."

He turned his head toward her at a stoplight, he smiled weakly. "Mere, why are you crying?" he asked, stroking her wrist with his thumb.

"I-I don't know," she sighed, feeling her hormones raging. Cristina was right. She was definitely pregnant; the last time was _this _emotional was when she was pregnant with Bailey. She didn't need a test to confirm the pregnancy. How the hell she didn't notice the symptoms before now was beyond her. She'd had so much on her mind, it had brushed over. "Derek, I want more."

Derek froze. "A-Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I want another baby," she blurted, and she was pretty sure Derek was about to pass out at the wheel when a loud honk blared from the angry driver behind them. The light was green, and Derek was frozen. His breaths hitched, then his foot slowly pressed on the gas and the car started to move forward again. His eyes glistened; Derek was speechless, but she could see the joy lingering within his eyes.

The rest of the ride to the hospital was silent, but as soon as the car was safely parked in Derek's reserved parking space, he leaned over and kissed her. The intensity and passion within the kiss sent shocks down her spine. He grabbed her hair and his lips moved in their usual gentle rhythm, until he let go and they were both able to catch their breath.

"Derek...not now...we can't…" she stammered, her heart still raced erratically as her brain sought out the words to say "_I believe I'm already…" _but her lips couldn't find the words to say, and she knew it wasn't the right time to tell him such news. "Jo, Derek. We're here for Jo."

He nodded grimly, disappointment taking over his face. "Let's check on Jo," he said, the sadness in his eyes was quickly replaced with hope and excitement.

* * *

><p>Edwards was waiting for them in Jo Wilson's room. The room air was stale and cool, like all hospital rooms. Wilson was connected to numerous tubes, which assisted her breathing and fed her and collected her urine and feces.<p>

When Meredith and Derek entered, Edwards sprang off the chair she'd been sitting in. "_There _you are. I swear to God, she looked at me."

Meredith rolled her eyes. Her stomach acid bubbled, and suddenly she regretted inhaling her dinner in the car, but she had been starving, and the food tasted better fresh, so it wasn't like she had much of a choice.

She took out her penlight, not expecting a reaction from Jo because she was confident that Stephanie Edwards was delusional. Plus, Jo and Stephanie were friends, and it was only natural that Stephanie would see that her friend was improving, even if she wasn't. False hope was how people protected themselves from harsh realities. People had a tendency to hold onto hope until the last plug was withdrawn.

Meredith honestly wasn't expecting what she saw with her own two eyes. Stephanie was right; she needed to see it to believe it, and she still wasn't sure.

"Pupillary response," she said hoarsely, looking at her husband. "Derek, look." She felt the color drain from her face, excitement eroding inside her. Derek took the pen from her hands and looked for himself, and a gleeful smile formed on his face.

"Indeed," he said. "We need to get her up to CT, STAT."

She should have told Edwards to run a CT scan earlier, but she honestly thought Edwards was nuts and hadn't wanted to waste the expensive scans for nothing.

Edwards smirked self-righteously. "See, I told you so."

Meredith did not like her tone one bit.

"And now you can get out of our way," Meredith sniped.

"What? But I…"

"You're her friend. You're not working her case," Meredith clarified.

"But...I…"

"Get. Out," Meredith demanded, her veins gushing rapid streams of blood as her heart rate quickened.

"Okay, whatever," Stephanie rolled her eyes, and Meredith felt the urge to yell at her for being disrespectful, but fortunately the young resident disappeared before Meredith was able to do so.

Derek snickered.

"What?" she sniped.

"Feisty." There was a spark in Derek's voice, and he smiled brightly. He leaned in, his mouth centimeters from her ear and he murmured seductively, his warm breath pressing against her eardrum, "I like it when you're feisty. It's sexy."

She blushed like a schoolgirl.

* * *

><p>Radiology was a rare case of a ghost town. In fact, the whole hospital was quiet. It was a rare occurrence at Grey Sloan Memorial, but they happened. Meredith and Derek were able to get Jo right into CT. It only took a few moments for the scans to appear before their eyes.<p>

Meredith stared blankly at the scans, shocked by what she was seeing. "S...she's not brain dead," she said.

"She's not," Derek nodded. "She's not in a coma or vegetative state, either." He paused. "She's minimally conscious."

"Wow," Meredith was speechless, her heart thumped erratically against her chest walls. "How…" Derek clicked back to Jo's earlier scans, one that was taken earlier in the day. "Derek, I discontinued treatment because she wasn't progressing. How on Earth is this possible? The only reason I hadn't officially declared her brain dead was for Alex and the insurance. I wanted to give him time…did I misread the scans?" She stared at the scan from earlier in the day which Derek had pulled up.

Derek shook his head. "You didn't, because my prognosis would have been the same as yours. I don't see activity on this scan, either."

"Maybe there was an error in the scan?" Meredith suggested. "A mix-up?"

"I don't know, Meredith. We'll have time to investigate later. Right now, we need to see if we can wake Jo up, and you need to call Alex." Derek's eyes sparkled, like they did when he felt he was about to perform a medical miracle. He leaned forward and kissed her lips. "Come on." He motioned for her to follow.

* * *

><p>Alex wasn't the happiest fish in the sea when he met Derek and Meredith in front of Jo's room twenty minutes later. Meredith hadn't given him much information over the phone, just that he needed to come quickly, that it was something in relation to Jo. It had been evident on the phone that he'd wanted to stay with Blake, and he thought the worst. She wanted to tell him the good news in person.<p>

Derek had already administered a dose of Amphetamine, which should wake her up within two hours' time.

"What's going on?" Alex demanded harshly when he met them on the outside of Jo's hospital room. "Why couldn't this wait? Look, if you're going to…"

"Alex," Meredith cut him off, her voice calm and collected. "It's good news." She gently smiled, and Alex froze, his face morphing with confusion.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his tone much softer now, though she could tell his frustrations still lingered.

Meredith pulled up Jo's scans on her iPad, handing the tablet to Alex. "See for yourself," she said proudly.

"Holy freaking crap," were the first words to exit Alex Karev's mouth.

"Somehow, some way, Jo's brain has slowly healed itself," Derek said from behind her. "I've given her a dose of Amphetamine, which will hopefully wake her soon."

"Holy _shit_," Alex was clearly still in disbelief. He looked at Meredith "Your freaking treatment really worked." Taking Meredith by surprise, his arms flung around her. "I owe you, Mer." He squeezed her tighter and tighter, to the point her air supply was limited.

"Alex," she gasped for air. "You're suffocating me."

His grip loosened, and he let her go. "Sorry," he apologized, his eyes meeting hers. They sparkled. "I'm just...I'm so happy. I can't remember being this happy before."

"I'm glad," Meredith smiled. "I missed seeing you happy. You deserve to be happy."

"Now," Derek broke in. "I don't want to alarm you in any way, but there are still a lot of risk factors. This treatment that Meredith has used is still in its infancy, we don't know much about it."

"James died right after waking up," Meredith grimly recalled. "But he was cognitively functioning," she quickly added, watching the smile fall from Alex's face.

"You're saying there's a chance she might die the minute she sees me," Alex's tone darkened.

"No, that's not what we're saying," Meredith countered. "We're saying, we don't know. There are many unknowns, and obviously James's and Jo's situations are completely different, so you can't compare them."

"Individuals who suffer brain death usually have experienced severe trauma to the brain and other organs," Derek added, "so we don't know what will happen. We'll have to wait and see." He wrapped his arm around Meredith's shoulder and pulled her to the side. "You know," he whispered in her ear, "if Jo survives, she'll have been the first person in the United States to survive because of your treatment."

"But you said we don't know if it's because of the treatment," Meredith said in a hushed voice. "The CT scans could have been wrong, or there could have been a mix-up in radiology."

"We'll check that out later," Derek said, "but you could get published, Meredith. Medical journals all over the country would want to interview you." A proud twinkle sparked in his eyes.

Her mouth dried and her heart pounded faster. She didn't want to get her hopes up.

Had she cured death?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Another chapter down. I can't believe we're so close to the end. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me since the beginning. It's been quite the ride! **


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N: This chapter is pretty short, but I love the way it ends. I couldn't think of a better way to end this chapter. :) **

* * *

><p>Meredith had never believed in miracles. Magic didn't just happen. Progress didn't happen overnight by chance. Life wasn't supposed to be easy. You had to work to succeed. Well, that's what her mother drilled in her head when she was growing up.<p>

"_You can't expect things to just happen, Meredith. You need to do something with your life to become extraordinary. You don't become extraordinary by sitting in your room, listening to music, and wearing black clothes. You have to work for it, Meredith." _

Meredith blinked slowly and breathed deeply inward. Sometimes it seemed like yesterday. She was _that _teenager. She didn't have many friends. The majority of her time was spent locked in her bedroom, jamming to her stereo. She didn't have many talents, as far as she was concerned. Any psychiatrist, had she actually gone to one back then, would have easily diagnosed her with depression.

She didn't spend time _creating _things when she was a teenager. A lot of teenagers who lived the life of solitary that she had, would spend their time channeling their creative muse. Writing horror stories, drawing dark comics. She didn't do any of that. She didn't learn to play the electric guitar. She didn't even watch many movies or read a lot of books as a teenager. Okay, she read a few books, but they were for school and those don't really count.

While she wore a lot of black, she didn't really consider herself emo or gothic. She never dyed her hair black or painted her nails black. Okay, she painted her nails black once and hated it. She'd promised herself and her mother that she'd never do it again. She remembered Ellis had had a cow.

_"Extraordinary women don't paint their nails black, Meredith!" _

Then, one day, she decided she wanted to become a photographer. After high school, she took a few photography classes at the local community college. She was in limbo and had no clue with what she wanted to do with her life. Her mother _didn't _want her to go to med school, but she certainly didn't want her to become a photographer, either.

"_You'll never become extraordinary being a starving photographer, Meredith. Photography is a worthless field of study," _her mother had said, triggering another one of their infamous fights. Ellis didn't want her daughter to become a surgeon, yet she hadn't hesitated to tell her what she did _choose _to do with her life would doom her to failure, too. Her mother was complicated.

Now Meredith knew where she got her complicated personality from, as arduous as it was for her to admit. Maybe her mother wasn't such a horrible person. She was just looking out for her, doing the best she could with what she knew. Ellis wanted to protect her, like any mother wants to protect her child. As a mother herself, Meredith realized that.

Ellis wasn't as fortunate as Meredith, though. She couldn't have the man whose love for consumed her with all her heart. She'd managed to escape from her failed marriage, and she fled with her daughter. She used what she knew to ensure Meredith had the best life possible. Ellis did the best that she could do with what she knew. That was all any parent could do.

Growing up, Meredith always had clothes in her closet and food in her cupboards and refrigerators. Not all children were that fortunate. Her mother was a hard worker, and she rose to the top of her career. As a child, Meredith resented her, but now she understood why she did it. She wanted her daughter to see women could be successful. Women could be equal to - or greater than - their male colleagues. Women could change the world.

Blood tied her to _the_ Ellis Grey, and for once, Meredith Grey felt grateful to have her mother as an example of what women could become. Ellis Grey was a talented woman who was ripped from this world prematurely, but she had left her footprint. She left behind Meredith, who, too, strongly desired to leave her footprint in the world too. She wanted to continue her mother's legacy, so her children could also aspire greatness.

When Jo's crisp brown irides became visible to the world, Meredith's heart swelled. She couldn't help but wonder what her mother would think of her now. _She'd probably say, "You didn't work hard enough, Meredith. This doesn't count as success_." When Jo blinked, Meredith squeezed Derek's hand, thickly swallowing as she and Derek entered Jo Wilson's room, hand in hand. Alex sat next to her, smiling brightly with elation in his eyes.

"Jo, can you hear me?" Alex asked desperately, his voice filled with hope and wonder while he squeezed his girlfriend's hand.

"A…" Jo uttered the syllable, squinting. "Lex? Alex?"

"You're back," Alex whispered, elation filling his eyes. He leaned forward and touched her lips with his.

Meredith let go of Derek's hand, ready to start a quick Neuro exam on Jo. She needed to know that Jo was really all right, physically and mentally. And Meredith took pride in taking the lead, for once, shamelessly delighted that Derek remained in the background, allowing her to take center stage. Derek had been really good about allowing her to do her job. Initially, Meredith was worried that Derek would take issue with her taking the lead on cases, since he took pride in his ego. She'd flat out told him in the beginning that she expected the same treatment he'd give any fellow, and that she deserved to be respected as a surgeon. She wasn't his intern; she was his fellow. He seemed to understand that.

"Jo, do you know who I am?" Meredith asked. She studied as Jo's pupils shrunk when the penlight was waved over them, and they dilated when she flicked the light off. Good signs.

"Dr. Grey," Jo's response was much quicker than before, though her voice was hoarse. "What happened?" Her forehead wrinkled. "And why does my head hurt...God." The young woman winced.

Meredith noted the concern falling over Alex's face as he mouthed, "What's wrong?" Meredith frowned, unsure of how to answer that just yet, or if there was something wrong to be told. A headache alone wasn't a reason for concern, especially considering the circumstances. She'd only seen one person wake from Jo's same condition before, and she knew how that had turned out. Meredith wasn't ready to jump to conclusions. Given the circumstances, though, she would be more concerned if Jo _didn't _have a headache.

"Long story short, you've been unconscious for a few days," Meredith said, withholding the detail that she'd been considered brain dead. "You had a really close call, Wilson. We weren't sure you were going to pull through."

Jo closed her eyes and covered her hands with her ears. "Can you stop yelling, for God's sake? My freaking head…it feels like it's on fire...gahhh...it's a thunderclap I think, " she groaned loudly.

Jo's memory appeared intact, but her use of the word _thunder clap _definitely raised Meredith's concern level. A thunderclap headache was the term for the most severe headache, and it was sudden onset, and it was almost always an indicator of something serious. Often times, it was an indicator of a hemorrhage. Meredith knew that there were a number of non-emergent reasons her head could be hurting, since her brain had undergone intense trauma and was in a healing stage.

Jo could also be exaggerating her headache, being that she was only a resident and who knew if she'd ever actually experienced a thunderclap. When Meredith was in med school, many of her peers used to joke about having thunderclap headaches after vigorous study sessions. Meredith knew that, as a doctor, it was never good to assume a patient was exaggerating, though. Every ache and pain needed to be thoroughly examined, because every small pain could be a sign of something much larger, especially when a patient who'd been otherwise brain dead was claiming to have a thunderclap headache.

Meredith looked to Derek. "Call Radiology again. We need to set up another CT and MRI," she said, and Derek nodded, taking out his phone. Meredith looked back at Jo. "Does your headache get better with your eyes closed?" she asked, softer this time.

Jo shook her head, eyes still closed. "It's...worse...I can't…my stomach..." Her skin paled and her pupils dilated suddenly.

"Mer, what's happening?" Instant worry antagonized Alex's face as the bile purged from Jo's mouth, splattering all over Alex's clothes.

"Damn it," Meredith muttered, knowing this couldn't be good, especially since she, too, was hit with a wave of nausea as a result of the vomit stench. She quickly dashed out of the room before her insides mixed with Jo's.

* * *

><p>The CT scan revealed Jo's brain was swelling. She had what was called a cerebral edema, and she needed surgery immediately.<p>

"Are you sure you're ready the scrub in?" Derek asked her as they approached the OR. They'd specifically requested an operating room without a gallery, since word had started to spread that Jo was awake, and since she was one of their own, everyone was curious. Jo deserved privacy, and didn't need the eyes of her colleagues gawking at her insides.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Meredith quipped, suspecting his inquiry was about earlier, when she'd escaped the vomit stench. They hadn't talked about it, and he hadn't asked questions. She was silly not to think he'd notice her puke face. She'd never been much of a purger; she didn't even have morning sickness when she was pregnant with Bailey, though she'd puked like clockwork when she miscarried. Derek could read her like a book, though, so of course he'd noticed she'd been nauseous. She hadn't actually puked, though. The wave of nausea had subsided as soon as she'd stepped out of the room.

"You've been working a lot lately, and I thought maybe you'd want to sit this one out," he declared, shrugging his shoulders. He stopped in his steps and examined her with his sharp blue eyes, like he was trying to decide for himself if she should operate or not. She hated when he pulled crap like this. It wasn't his place to judge, for one, so he could mean only one thing.

"In other words, you want all the glory, is that it?" she countered, her suspicions rising. It'd been ages since Derek had gotten his hands dirty in a juicy, soon-to-be the cover in every medical journal in the country case.

"Of course that's not why! Believe me, Meredith, I want nothing more than for you to have your moment," he was quick to quip. "I just don't want you to overwork yourself. This could be a long surgery, and you already look exhausted. Beautiful, but tired." He pecked her cheek softly, and her anger boiled even more inside her veins.

"Okay, you don't redeem yourself by calling me beautiful," she scowled, leering at him with distaste. "Of course I'm tired. I'm always tired, but you know what? That's okay. We're surgeons; we're conditioned to be tired. And believe me, I was a hell of a lot more tired when we saved Beth Monroe when I was an intern than I am right at this moment. I've got this, Derek."

"I'll shut up, then. Forget I said anything," Derek said, recanting his prior remarks as they entered the scrub room together. He hastened toward the brim of the sink, turned the sink knob, and the water flowed freely onto his hands.

"Please," she murmured, turning her sink knob to the left, the lukewarm water splattering atop her knuckles. While they scrubbed, she met the bright twinkle in his blue eyes and gave herself permission lose herself in his dreaminess. For just a moment. She desperately wanted to tell him the good news, but she knew now was not the time, especially when he was already claiming she looked tired and he thought she should sit this out. Meredith knew there was no way in Hell she was sitting this one out. Jo was her patient, and the possibilities were high that she, Meredith Grey, was the reason Jo was alive right that second. Meredith knew she needed to see her case through. She needed to save her life. This was _her _arena. This was _her _chance to shine, and no one - especially Derek - was going to steal her thunder from her.

Meredith was on a mission to cure death.

And Derek was going to help.


	62. Chapter 62

Meredith was in charge, and she had the lead surgeon headset to prove it.

Derek stood to her right, masked and gloved, wearing his magnetized surgeon loupes. Meredith inhaled a deep, sharp breath, locking eyes with Derek, gazing deep within his sparkling, crystal blue irides.

"Ready?" Derek asked; his mask crinkled, and she knew he was smiling.

"Ready," she whispered. "We can do this."

He nodded, confidently. "We can do this," he echoed.

"Ten-blade," she requested her scalpel. The scrub nurse carefully handed her the scalpel she'd requested..

When she'd first switched specialties, the idea of operating with Derek again made her uncomfortable. She would go out of her way to operate with other neurosurgeons on staff, and when she had a question or needed to discuss a case, she asked Amelia instead of Derek. Her ego was a partial contender behind her confliction. She wanted to be the best, and sometimes she wanted to be better than him, even though _that _seemed like an impossible goal.

She wanted him to be proud of her. But she was also hesitant to work with him because she remembered what had happened the previous times they'd worked together in recent years. She didn't want a repeat of that. She knew a part of their problems was the result of her growth as a surgeon. She was capable of questioning his authority now; she wasn't just a dumb intern.

Fortunately, they hadn't encountered any troubles during the surgeries they'd done together. He was doing a good job at listening - really listening - to her voice when her approach was different than his. She sensed it was difficult for him to let go and let her step up, though. He required him to keep his ego in check. They _both _needed to keep their egos in check for this arrangement to work.

She never thought she'd be here again. When she left Neuro, she truly thought it was for good. But here she was, standing behind the same brain as her husband.

She had to admit, she loved sharing the OR with Derek again. She'd missed it more than she had realized.

Meredith made the first cut, slowly and evenly. She felt Derek's eyes watching her every move.

"I'm sure Alex would appreciate if I didn't leave her a huge scar," Meredith murmured.

"If you want, I can close," Derek said. Meredith bit her lip.

"Why? You think you'll leave less of a scar than I will?" she said through her teeth, not doubting that was Derek's insinuation.

"No, of course not. You just might be tired by the end of the surgery," Derek replied, clearly attempting to save himself. Meredith released a sigh, letting him off the hook. She was picking her battles carefully, and with Jo's brain open on the table right in front of her eyes, she didn't want to battle anything besides the intracranial pressure in Jo Wilson's brain.

She was performing a decompressive craniectomy. Use of the surgery was controversial among neurosurgeons, but she'd seen Derek perform several successful surgeries. In fact, she'd performed a bilateral decompressive craniectomy with Derek when she was a resident.

The surgery was controversial because patients had a greater risk of injury due to an unprotected brain. The goal was to lower Jo's ICP. If they couldn't lower her intracranial pressure, then Jo would hemorrhage and die.

The purpose of the surgery was to remove a portion of the skull. This would allow Jo's brain room to expand without it being squeezed. Then she and Derek would need to bring Jo back into OR in a day or so and perform a cranioplasty to put her brain back together.

The monitor began beating erratically.

"Damn it, stay with me, Wilson. You are not going to die on me, do you hear me?" Meredith muttered. "ICP's still 45. We're going to have to remove the other side, too." Derek nodded grimly. "Let's get the other side prepped," Meredith said.

After removing the second part of the skull, the monitor returned to normal rhythms as did Meredith's breaths. "ICP is dropping," Derek noted. Meredith nodded, noticing the same. She inhaled sharply. Her stomach twisted, and her bladder felt like it was about to burst.

Jo was young, which was in her favor. And it was another reason for why she had to live. She had so much life to live, and Meredith was determined to make sure she got to live that life.

She'd gotten her this far; she had to get her all the way.

Even after the surgery, Meredith knew that Jo would have a long recovery road ahead.

"Do you want to close?" Meredith asked Derek suddenly, setting down her scalpel.

She looked at Derek for a split second. Before he could respond, though, she dashed out of the OR. If she didn't, she was going to definitely pee her pants. The surgery was over. Now they just had to wait.

On her way to the bathroom, she passed a supply closet, where she knew they had extra pregnancy tests stored. She knew she could take one now, and know for sure, but she was also sure that she wouldn't make it to the bathroom if she took the detour.

As she sat on the cool toilet seat, her mind wandered. Tears festered in her eyes. She'd come so far. Sometimes she couldn't believe that she was the one wearing the lead surgeon glasses and ordering Derek around. They'd come so far.

Her hand crept under her scrub shirt, and her fingers pet her bare stomach. She pressed her thumb against her skin, trying to feel any signs of life in there. It didn't seem possible, but she felt bloated. So bloated. Her head whirled as she desperately attempted to wrap her head around it all.

Exhaustion plagued her body. Only as she sat on the toilet did she realize how tired she really was. She'd been standing for hours in the OR. But in the OR, time has no meaning. Bodily alarms were turned off. Thirst, hunger, and the urge to relive oneself dissipated.

Now she felt the urge to pass out.

She felt every inch of exhaustion weighing her body down as she left the bathroom and headed toward the waiting room to find Alex and update him on Jo. But Alex was not in the waiting room when she arrived. So she decided to head back to the recovery wing, where Jo should be soon.

Meredith was about to text Alex when she heard a small familiar voice.

"Mommy!" Meredith looked straight ahead to see her daughter running toward her. Carolyn wasn't far behind; she was carrying Bailey.

"Zola, sweetheart!" Meredith's jaw dropped as Zola practically lept into her arms. Blake was right behind her. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" She looked worriedly at Carolyn.

"Auntie Amy havin' baby!" Zola announced.

"Amelia's in labor?" Meredith gasped.

Carolyn nodded. "She is."

"Does Derek know?" Meredith asked.

"I was just looking for you guys. I didn't want to call to bother you, in case you were in surgery," Carolyn explained.

"What about Owen?!" Meredith frowned, remembering Amelia said earlier she hadn't spoken to Owen since she'd told him the truth about the baby. Meredith glanced at her watch. It was midnight. Five hours had passed since they'd left Carolyn's house.

"Alex and Cristina are with Amelia. Cristina sent a text to Owen, but she hadn't heard back from him, the last I knew." Bailey's eyes drooped shut, and his head laid against his grandmother's shoulder. It was so late for the kids to be up.

She knew Cristina was there to monitor the baby's heart, because of his heart defect. The baby would need a pediatric surgeon too. Arizona had previously spoken with Amelia, but Alex would do just as good as Arizona.

Zola's head leaned against Meredith's shoulder. "You kids should go find a place to sleep," she said.

"No sleepy," Zola mumbled, smacking her lips. "I wanna meet baby!"

"It might be a while before the baby actually comes," Meredith explained to her daughter.

"But Auntie Amy havin baby," Zola said, yawning.

"It can take up to a whole day, though, for the baby to actually get here," Meredith told Zola. Bailey had been born via C-section, in the dark, because her water had decided to break in the middle of the largest Seattle storm of the decade. She'd only been in labor a couple hours before she'd learned she needed a C-section, because of how Bailey was positioned. She hadn't _wanted _a C-section. Though, twenty-four hours of pushing didn't sound fun either.

"Why it take so long?" Blake asked, looking unimpressed.

"Because she has to push the baby out," Meredith explained.

"You pushed Bails out?" Zola lifted her head off Meredith's shoulder, pointing to her little brother, who was fast asleep.

"No, I didn't. I had a thing called a _C-section_. Basically they cut him out of me," Meredith said.

"They cut him out of you? Owie! How comed you no bleed and die?" Zola asked; she was completely oblivious to the fact that her mother _had _nearly bled to death.

"Because I had really good doctors who watched me so I didn't," Meredith said, knowing Zola didn't need to know about her near-death experience, namely how the interns had practically allowed her to bleed to death.

"Then why they can't cut Auntie Amy's baby out?" Zola asked. "Why does _she _gots to push the baby out?"

"Well, because that's the way babies are naturally born," Meredith said.

"Did I gets pushed out?" Zola asked. She sure had a lot of questions for it being hours past her bedtime, though Meredith marbled in her daughter's curiosity.

"I don't know, sweetheart," Meredith frowned, saddened by the fact that she knew nothing about her daughter's mother and the early days of her life. All she knew was her mother had died; she didn't know if she'd died in childbirth, though. It was likely that she had, since many women in undeveloped country did die in childbirth because they lacked medical care. She didn't want to scare Zola right now, though.

Blake wearily walked beside her now, leaning against her leg.

"How about we find somewhere where you kids can sleep? Maybe the baby will be born when you wake up?" Meredith offered, guiding the kids toward an on-call room.

"I wanna meet baby now," Zola mumbled in Meredith's ear, the weariness in her voice returning, her head leaning against Meredith's shoulder once again.

"Well, you can't. He's not born yet," Meredith said, pushing open the on-call room door. Zola and Blake tiredly crawled into the same bed, no longer arguing with her, and Meredith placed Bailey, who was already zonked out, in between them. The two older kids quickly dozed off. Meredith ordered one of the on-call nurses to keep an eye on them and also left behind her cell phone, on silent, in case the kids woke up and needed help. Zola and Blake both knew how to use it.

She guided Carolyn toward the ICU, even though Carolyn technically wasn't allowed to be there. She didn't care. Besides, Carolyn should have special rights or something since her son was a partial owner of the hospital.

As Meredith anticipated, she found Derek in Jo's recovery room.

"Hey," he said. "All looks good. Of course, we have a long road ahead. Her pressure has dropped, though." Then Derek's eyes widened when he noticed his mother was standing beside Meredith. "Mom, what are you doing here?!" his eyes widened.

"Your sister's in labor," Meredith answered for Carolyn.

"Amy's in labor?! Is she okay?"

"She's doing fine," Carolyn answered calmly. "Alex and Cristina are with her. She'll be fine. The baby will be fine." Carolyn inhaled deeply, as if trying to convince herself.

"Have you been to see her?" Derek looked at Meredith. Meredith shook her head.

"Not yet. I wanted to see how Jo was doing," Meredith said. "Do you want me to stay with her so you can go be with your sister?"

"You should come, too," Derek said. "Amelia would want you there, I'm sure. You've gotten really close to her. I'll - _we'll _- have a resident monitor her and have them page us if anything changes." Meredith noticed how he caught himself, changing _I _to _we_, so he didn't sound like he was taking control of the case.

"I can," a voice came for the doorway.

"No, you won't," Derek responded almost immediately.

Meredith groaned, turning to see Edwards standing there. "How many times do we have to tell you? You're her friend. You're not monitoring her. If you want to be here, you can be here as her friend, but nothing more."

"Okay, whatever, but can I be here as her friend who also has a medical degree? I can keep an eye on her and page you if anything changes," Edwards pleaded.

"No," Derek said. Outside of the room, Bailey was passing by. "Dr. Bailey!" Derek called.

"That's my name," Dr. Bailey stopped in her steps. "I heard you took Wilson into surgery. She's really alive? Like not brain dead alive?" She exchanged looks with both Meredith and Derek.

"She is," Meredith smiled, pride rushing through her veins.

"No thanks to me, of course. It's all Meredith," Derek grinned happily, placing his hand on his wife's shoulder. "She's brilliant." Meredith felt her cheeks warming up.

Dr. Bailey's eyes widened. "She is," she agreed. "Now, why'd you call my name? Not to boast about how brilliant your wife is, I take it? Which, by the way, is no thanks to you, either. She's brilliant because of me. _I _was her mentor."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Miranda," Derek chuckled. "Anyway, I need you to keep an eye on Wilson, and make sure Edwards is here as nothing more than a friend. If she tries to do anything doctorly, kick her out." Dr. Bailey didn't reply immediately. Her eyes were glued on Mrs. Shepherd, as if she'd just noticed her presence. "You've met my mom, haven't you?"

"I have," Dr. Bailey replied, still looking confused. "What on Earth is she doing in the ICU?"

"My sister is in labor," Derek explained hurriedly, stepping toward the door, Meredith and Carolyn following. "I'm about to have a new nephew, so that's why I need for you to keep an eye on Wilson."

Dr. Bailey's mouth dropped open. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get out of here, now!" They obliged as Meredith and Carolyn both followed Derek out of the room. Meredith could sense the giddiness on her husband's face as he walked with a spark in his step toward the elevator. He was genuinely ecstatic to meet his new nephew.

* * *

><p>"You can't," Meredith heard Amelia's loud, frustrated voice from outside her hospital room, followed by a loud scream. "No! Go away."<p>

When they walked in the room, it became apparent that it was Nancy who Amelia was shrieking at.

"Amelia, I'm the only OB available right now. It makes no difference if I deliver your baby or if someone else does…now, you need to push soon." Amelia was standing in the corner of the room. Alex sat in a chair. Nancy was standing behind her sister. Cristina was nowhere to be seen, even though Carolyn had claimed she'd been with Amelia.

"No!" Amelia yelled. "You're my sister. You can't. I don't want you delivering my son." Amelia's face was soaked with a combination of tears and sweat. Nancy was standing right behind her sister.

"If you don't push, you and the baby could both die," Nancy said quietly.

"Then go find another OB," Amelia spat. "You're not touching my son. You'll probably try to drug him like you did me when I was a baby! Lizzie told me about the time you snuck Dad's beer into my bottle! You're the reason I became an alcoholic. I'm not letting you anywhere _near _my child, ever!" She clearly hadn't noticed her mother, brother, and sister-in-law in the doorway. Carolyn's mouth dropped, meeting her eldest daughter's eyes, shock written on the older woman's face. It was apparent she had no idea about her youngest daughter's accusation.

"Amelia, you're not in your right mind right now. Trust me, I've had five babies. It makes you crazy," Nancy explained, calmly and rationally. "And think crazy things," she added. Nancy's cheeks flushed. It was unclear if Amelia's accusation about Nancy putting beer in Amelia's baby bottle was true, or if it was the hormones talking.

"I was pretty lucky, you were pretty sane when you were in labor with Bailey," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear, and she smirked.

"Who knows what would have happened if I'd actually had to push him out," she admitted, quietly.

Alex's eyes lit up when he saw Meredith and Derek. "You're out of surgery? Is she okay? Is Jo okay?" That's when Amelia turned around, too.

"Dr. Bailey is with her now," Meredith answered. "She's alive, and her stats are strong. Of course she has a long road ahead." Alex stood up and embraced her with another tight hug, also patting Derek on the shoulder.

"You're the best, Mer," he smiled.

"Just remember that next time you're pissed at me," Meredith laughed. "We don't expect her to wake up for several hours, and of course we'll need to take her into surgery again in a couple days, but she's a fighter, Alex. You're a lucky guy."

"When she wakes, I'm going to ask her to marry me," Alex blurted all of a sudden. "Life's too short to waste time, and she's the girl. I know she's the girl. If this whole ordeal isn't a freaking wake-up call, I don't know what is. But I'm not wasting another moment. I'm going to get my son, my girl, and I'm never wasting another freaking moment again."

Meredith's felt her heart warming. "Jo is a very lucky girl," she said.

"Speaking of the kids, where are they?" Derek asked, eyes wide.

"They're in an on-call room," Meredith said, a little surprised that he was _just _asking that question.

"You left the kids alone in an on-call room?" Derek gasped.

"Of course not. Do you think I'm stupid? I told a nurse to keep an eye on them, and I left my phone there in case they need to call us. Zo and Blake know how to use it," Meredith said. They couldn't read yet, but they could recognize photos. They knew to scroll for the photos of people they knew to call them.

"Okay," the tension in Derek's face disappeared.

"Hello?!" Amelia yelled loudly. "Crazy pregnant woman in labor here! SOMEONE CALL ADDISON MONTGOMERY. I know she's in Seattle!"

The room deafened to silence. Meredith's eyes wandered to Derek. He seemed to be equally in disbelief. "Did she just…?" mouthed Derek. Meredith nodded.

"Yes, I said it. Call Addison. Now. No, she doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yes, she's going to think I'm a freaking idiot. But I don't give a fuck. I know she won't screw up my son. She's the best freaking baby doctor in the medical world. Call. Addison."

"I'll do it," Derek said, taking out his phone. He took his phone and stepped out of the room.

"Where's Cristina?" Meredith asked; she wasn't asking anyone specifically, just whoever wanted to answer. "Isn't she supposed to be here monitoring the baby's heart?"

"She check his heart when I first got here," Amelia said. "She said he's fine...no heart murmur, nothing. Like it never existed. He has no heart condition. She said maybe it was a faulty monitor, or it somehow corrected itself in utero. But he's fine." Tears gushed from Amelia's eyes. "My son is fine. He's healthy." Tears continued to pour from her eyes.

"That's great! Isn't it?" Meredith asked, smiling gently as she set her hand on Amelia's shoulder.

"Great, right," Amelia mumbled.

"I'm going to go see Jo," Alex announced, walking toward the doorway. "I've had enough of crazy pregnant hormones for a lifetime. Maybe it's a good thing my son didn't come into my life until he was four. I got to skip this crazy shit." Alex chuckled briefly, before he disappeared.

Tears ruptured faster and harder out of Amelia's eyes. Then a grunt for a contraction. Meredith put her hand on Amelia's back and rubbed it gently. "It's going to be okay. Derek is calling Addison. She'll be here soon, and then you'll be able to meet your son." She reached her arm over Amelia's shoulder, wrapping her hand around Amelia's. Amelia squeezed her hand when the next contraction hit. "Do you want to get in the bed? So you're ready when Addison gets here?"

Amelia nodded slowly, and Meredith guided her sister-in-law toward the hospital bed. Jealousy struck Nancy's face.

"Fine. I'll leave," Nancy sighed, relenting, realizing her sister wanted nothing to do with her in this moment. Nancy's pager happened to go off at the same time. "Looks like I have another baby I need to deliver anyway. And, Amelia?"

"Yes?" Amelia wiped some of the liquid off her face.

"I never put beer in your baby bottle," Nancy said flatly.

"Lizzie said it…" Amelia mumbled.

"Lizzie's full of crap," Nancy replied just before vanishing.

Amelia's blue eyes stared blankly ahead. "I can't," she whispered.

"You can, Amelia. I know it feels impossible, but just think, in a few hours you're going to have a beautiful little boy in your arms, and it'll all be worth it," Meredith said, grinning widely, remembering when she was in labor with Bailey. She'd been lucky to have Derek by her side. That helped, until after the C-section and they took Bailey away and Derek went with him. Everything after is a blur. She'd lost so much blood. All she remembered thinking was she might never get to see her son grow up.

But then Dr. Bailey saved her life, and here she was.

"I can't… not alone. I can't…"

"Amelia, you're not alone. You have a whole family who will support you," Meredith assured her.

"He's not coming back, is he?" Amelia whispered. "He's not… he doesn't want me…that's why he's not coming…"

Meredith turned toward Carolyn. They both knew who Amelia was talking about.

Owen.

"You don't know that. He might be in surgery. I haven't seen him tonight, so he could very well be in the OR," Meredith said.

"Cristina...said...she went to look for him," Amelia whispered, inhaling a nasally breath. "I bet she went to screw him."

Carolyn's eyes widened. "Dear, I doubt that she would do that. Cristina seems like a nice girl," Carolyn insisted.

Meredith bit her lip.

"He loves her...not me…"

"You heard what Cristina said earlier," Meredith attempted to defend her friend. "He doesn't even look at her anymore."

"Whatever. I'm calling BS. Cristina can try to act like she likes me, and she doesn't have feelings for Owen anymore, but it's a facade. It's all a facade, isn't it?"

Meredith sighed. "I really don't think it is. Cristina isn't the facade-y type. She says what's on her mind, so I don't think she would lie to you about that."

Derek re-entered the room then. "Someone should have reminded me that it's one in the morning," Derek's eyes widened. "Addison was a little on the...errr...cranky side. I guess I forgot that she needs her _beauty sleep_," he noted, smiling at Meredith. "I'm so glad you're not so moody when I wake you up in the middle of the night."

"Well, I can't say _I'm _surprised," Carolyn chuckled innocently. "She always struck me as a woman who was high maintenance."

Derek ignored his mother's comment about his ex-wife.

"Did you tell her everything?" Meredith asked.

He shook her head. "I just told her we were low on OBs, and we needed her help. She's on her way."

"Great, just great," Amelia grumbled, gripping tightly on her stomach as another contraction hit her. Meredith motioned for her to take her hand, and she did. Meredith felt like Amelia was on the verge of breaking her bones. "Make sure you get an epidural, Mer. This fucking hurts. I can't have drugs, and I deserve the fucking pain. I guess that's why they don't allow addicts to have drugs, because we've wasted our lives trying to numb the pain, so this is our punishment. It's Hell. _Ooh_, it's living, breathing Hell."

"Wait, what?" Derek's ears perked up. "You told Amelia that we're trying again?"

"Uh...yes. I told her that I want to try again," Meredith fibbed. "Earlier, we had a chat, actually, and it's what made me realize that I want more."

Carolyn's eyes lit up. "That's great news!" she put her hand on Meredith's shoulder. "You know what I say, the more the merrier!"

Meredith's face warmed, deciding again that now was not the time to confess she was probably already pregnant. This was Amelia's moment, and Amelia's irides twinkled knowingly. "Tell him," she mouthed for only Meredith.

Meredith shook her head and mouthed back, only for Amelia, "Later." She smiled, though, happy to see some of the tension on Amelia's face disappearing. If she could keep her talking, then the pain would ease. Since Amelia couldn't have drugs, she needed calming conversations.

Derek frowned, though. "Girls and their secret whispering," he sighed to his mother.

"Oh, you're telling me. I raised four girls, remember. Luckily, Amelia was busy chasing you and Mark around, so she didn't have anyone to whisper with. She was always loud. Now, Nancy, Kate, and Liz were _always _whispering to each other and their friends from the time they could talk, I swear. Your dad used to think they were secretly plotting to blow up the house," Carolyn laughed. "He was an only child, so I had to explain to him that whispering was part of typical girl behavior, and they were probably talking about boys. At least that's what my sisters and I used to whisper about."

"I remember that," Derek admitted. "Those three used to drive Dad and me crazy with their whispering," he admitted, glaring at his wife and sister.

"Well, I'm glad you have good taste in women, Derek. It's nice to have someone to whisper with," Amelia snickered, eying Meredith, just as she was struck with another contraction. She grunted, squeezing Meredith's hand, "and it's nice to have someone's hand to squeeze when I'm in freaking labor."

Derek gripped Amelia's other hand, letting her squeeze his hands, which were much larger than Meredith's, too.

"Amelia, you're doing great," Derek assured his sister. His eyes sparkled. "And I think you're going to be a great mom," he admitted.

"Y-You do?" she looked surprised by Derek's comment.

"I do. You've been through Hell and back. You've seen it all, so I have no doubt in my mind that you'll be able to teach your son right from wrong. He's lucky to have a mother with so much life experience," Derek said; his eyes glistened, and a delightful sense of pride shined across his face.

Tears welled in Amelia's eyes. "Derek, you have no idea how much you say that means to me," Amelia whispered. Derek squeezed his little sister's hand.

Mrs. Shepherd also had a proud look on her face. "I've never been happier to call you two my children," she confessed.

Another contraction struck Amelia. Her forehead crinkled. "God, I just want this to be over with. Now," she grunted.

"I'm going to go downstairs and meet Addison at the front door. I told her I'd be waiting for her," Derek said, releasing Amelia's hand. "She should be here any second," he added.

"Nonsense," Meredith also let go of Amelia's hand. "You should stay here with your sister. I'll go meet Addison." She wasn't jealous; she really wasn't. Okay, maybe she was a little. Derek and Addison were friends, and that was perfectly acceptable. But that wasn't the reason she wanted to be there when Addison arrived rather than Derek. She thought Derek deserved some time alone with his mother and sister. Mother, son, and daughter - or whatever you wanted to call it - time. Meredith's heart weighed heavily in her chest seeing the three of them together like this, and she pictured a similar moment like this years from now, with Zola in the bed - or perhaps an unborn daughter - there in labor, while Bailey comforted her.

It was bizarre to think that she might live long enough to meet her grandchildren. Assuming she didn't get Alzheimer's before then.

"Are you sure?" Derek stared hesitantly in her direction

"Yes, I'm sure," Meredith retorted. She stormed out of the room before he tried to stop her, but Derek ran after her. "Derek, stay with your sister. I've got this," Meredith pressed.

"But I want to go with you," Derek insisted.

"Why? Why do you need to see your ex-wife so badly?"

"What are you talking about, Meredith? This isn't about Addison…"

She froze in her steps. "Then what is this about? It can't be about wanting to spend time with me, because we just got out of the OR…"

"I just...I just wanted to explain Amelia's situation to Addison. I know Addison, and I know her well enough she's going to be angry when she finds out the truth. I thought I'd be the best person to try to calm her down after."

"And _how _do you plan to do that?" Meredith stared blankly at her husband. She then realized that Derek didn't know that Amelia had lied about sleeping with Cooper and Jake, though he'd been reluctant to believe she had in the first place; he was right about one thing.

"I haven't figured that out, yet," he admitted.

"Derek, let me take care of it," Meredith sighed, crossing her arms. "I may not have been married to Addison, but I know Amelia's situation pretty well. I think I can explain it to her in a way she won't get too upset. Besides, she's a doctor, and no matter what, she's Amelia's friend. She's going to want to help her. I don't think anything else will matter to her in the moment. The woman saved my niece, I mean, seriously, Derek."

"Okay," Derek sighed, relenting.

"Your sister needs you right now," Meredith eyed Amelia's door.

"Okay," Derek released a shuddering sigh, staring at her for a beat before turning around, and she watched as he disappeared into his sister's room again.

Meredith was on her way to find Addison.

And she had something else on her agenda as well.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I decided to post one average length chapter instead of the two chapters this was originally going to be. So, yay? As always, I want to thank everyone who's stayed with me, and thank you to those who've left beautiful feedback. Without you, I probably would have given up a long time ago.**

** We made quite a bit of progress this chapter: Jo's doing well, Amelia's in labor, and Addison is on the way! And Meredith has a hidden agenda...which could be what? Can you tell we're near the end? (I've been saying that for over 10 chapters; my "Blood Ties Finale" document is 62 pages long already... it's a long finale, what can I say?) **


	63. Chapter 63

"Where are you, damn it!" Meredith huffed to the deserted hallway. She clenched her teeth together firmly, staring furiously at her phone. She had read the text message at least fifty times by now. Cristina was supposed to be telling Owen to get his shit together for Amelia, yet she was not answering her damn text messages. It wasn't surprising, though, since Cristina sucked at responding to texts. It was something Cristina and Derek had in common.

"_He loves her...not me…" _Meredith swallowed the glob of spit that had formed in her mouth. She would murder Cristina if she was doing anything other than convincing Owen to go to Amelia. Meredith would snap her friend's neck in half if she was doing anything remotely inappropriate with Owen, considering the circumstances.

"She wouldn't," Meredith said out loud, the sound of her voice increasing in amplitude. "She freaking wouldn't!"

"She wouldn't do what?" A familiar voice startled Meredith, and she did a complete one-eighty.

Addison Montgomery stood inches in front of her.

"There you are!" Meredith gasped, feigning a smile.

"Here I am, indeed, and it better be for a damn good reason. I swear to whatever you believe in, if Derek dragged me away from my dream about Jake and me having sex inside the Eiffle Tower for no good reason, he's going to have Hell to pay," Addison declared, her nostrils flaring.

Meredith stared stunned at the tall red-head for a moment. She didn't want to just blurt out that it was Amelia who was in labor. She was sure of one thing, though: Addison would soon know she was here for a good reason.

"I, uh...Come with me," Meredith directed Addison to follow her toward the elevator. Meredith took a sharp breath of air. "I hope you won't be too upset…"

"Oh, God, it's a false alarm…" Addison snarled, bitterness present in her tone. "I knew it! Leave it to Derek to drag me out of bed in the middle of the night for a false alarm! You know, I knew we shouldn't have come, but Charlotte insisted. I told her it was a bad idea, believe it or not..._I did tell her_!"

"No!" Meredith interrupted. "It's, no, it's not. It's just, she's been through a lot these past months, and I know that you're close and I hope you won't be too upset."

"Meredith, you're rambling. Who are you talking about? Who's been through a lot these past months?" Addison cut her off, and Meredith took another deep breath.

"Amelia," Meredith blurted.

Addison froze in her steps only a couple feet away from the elevator. She stared at Meredith point back. The pigment in her skin drained, and she laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Until she began coughing. "I'm sorry," she gasped, covering her mouth with her hand, "but my brain just went to a really, crazy place. I thought for a split second that you were telling me that Amelia is the patient Derek called about…"

Meredith frowned and sighed. "Um, that's because, um, she is."

Addison glared at Meredith, laughing again. "It's really early in the morning, Meredith. Now's not a time for jokes."

Meredith sighed loudly. "For crying out loud!" she shouted. Fortunately, the halls were empty, so no one was there to turn and stare at her. Just Addison. "What is so _funny_ about Amelia being in labor? I mean, you have to figure there's a reason she's avoided you. There's a reason she's here and not in LA. There's a _reason _she didn't come to LA for James's funeral, no matter how many times you called and harassed her. You're an intelligent woman, Addison. I'm surprised you didn't already put the pieces of the puzzle together…"

Addison's smile drooped. "Amelia's pregnant," she spoke softly. Realization dawned on her face. "Oh, my God," her voice wavered, and her fingers tugged at her too-perfect-for-the-middle-of-the-night hair.

"Now, go! Go help her. She needs you!" Meredith waved Addison to the elevator.

"But...I don't understand...why does she want me _now_? Why didn't she call me sooner?" Addison pursed her lips.

"That's a question for her, not me," Meredith answered abruptly. "But you need to go. Now."

The elevator slid opened and Addison glided in. Addison pivoted, staring back Meredith with clear-cut confusion. "You're not coming with?"

Meredith shook her head. "I have something I need to take care of. Derek and Carolyn are with her."

"Derek's mom is there?" Addison didn't look terribly thrilled to hear that, but the door closed, separating Meredith and Addison only a few moments later.

Meredith had her own agenda to take care of.

She pulled out her phone to text Cristina as she walked toward the first floor lounge, to ask Cristina where she was, but she looked up to see that she didn't need to press send.

Cristina and Owen were standing in opposite corners of the lounge. They both had their arms crossed. Meredith barged in. "What _is _going on here?!" she cried. "You both look like you're in time-out." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"No, Owen's just being a big fat baby," Cristina rolled her eyes. "A newborn baby is more mature than he is. Hell, a baby that hasn't even been born yet is more mature. I bet the baby Amelia is giving birth to is a lightyear ahead in maturity."

Owen's cheeks were flushed. "I think it's funny that she's talking about babies, considering she hates them, so how would she know anything about them?" Owen asked, looking directly at Meredith.

"I do not hate babies!" Cristina abolished. "Just because I don't want babies, doesn't mean I _hate _them! Of course you would think that, since you take everything people say literally and are incapable of seeing there are two sides to every story."

"What other side is there?! She lied to me about _cheating_. If she lied about this, then what is she going to do when she actually cheats on me?"

"Well, no one knows cheating better than you, Owen," Cristina spat. She turned to Meredith. "I can't talk to him anymore. He's all yours."

And Cristina stormed out of the lounge.

Meredith closed her eyes. A headache was looming. She hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours, and she'd been on her feet all night. She was exhausted, and her stomach growled for food. Before she went back to Amelia's room, she needed to stop by the vending machine and grab a snack.

"You know, I would think you would be happy to hear she didn't cheat on James," Meredith said quietly. "I mean, it's a good thing, isn't it? Cheating is bad, and she didn't...she didn't cheat on anyone."

"But she still ran," Owen noted, sighing dismally. He closed and reopened his eyes. "What if she has this baby, and we're together, and then she decides she doesn't want to be with me anymore, so she takes the baby and runs? I'm not genetically related to the child, but if we're together, I'm going to become attached to him. I'm going to see him as my son, but that doesn't matter...because he's not tied to me by blood, so Amelia can do whatever she wants with him, whenever she wants, and no one can stop her. That would kill me, Meredith. It would kill me…" He moved to the couch and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees, his head falling into his hands.

Meredith sat down beside him and placed her free hand on Owen's shoulder.

"Do you like being with her?" Meredith asked.

"What?"

"Do you enjoying being with Amelia?" Meredith rephrased the question. "When you're together, do you enjoy being together with her?"

"I...of course, yes, I do," he answered without hesitance. "These past few months have been amazing. I've never met someone who _knows _me so well. She knows what I'm thinking before I say it. Cristina and I...we never had that...we never had that connection to where we could know what the other was thinking at all times. If we had, then we never would have been together in the first place, probably."

Meredith smiled, thinking of Derek. Most of the time, they were on the same page, but there were times she thought that she knew Derek better than he knew himself, and vice versa. Not only did they know what the other was thinking, they knew what the other was _not _thinking consciously but subconsciously, too. Or they thought they did at least. It had brought on numerous arguments over the years, when one would point out something that the other didn't want to hear, even if it was true.

"Do you love her?" Meredith whispered.

Owen frowned. "I…" His cheeks flushed. "Yes," he blurted. "I do. I love her so freaking much it hurts, and it scares me. It's not like it was with Cristina, you know. With Cristina, it was what Cristina wanted and there was no room for discussion. But with Amelia...it's different."

"It's not the baby, is it? Because if you're just using her for the baby…"

"No! I would never. Jesus, if I just wanted a baby…"

"Then what's the problem?" Meredith asked. "Because if you love her, then you should be up there right now. She needs you there, Owen. You have to go up before the baby is born, because if you go up after then she'll remember you weren't there for the hard part, the labor, which is when _she _needs you. It doesn't matter if you're tied to her son by blood. If you love her, and if you're willing to love her baby for her, then you need to be there _now_. If you love her, then you have to at least _try _to trust her. It's all you _can_ do. People make mistakes, you of all people know that, and you're each other's second chance to get it right."

His eyes widened. "You're right, Meredith. You're absolutely right...I need to go up there right now." Owen sprung off the couch and ran out of the room.

Meredith smiled to herself.

Mission accomplished.

Her stomach roared. She had worked up an appetite.

* * *

><p>After grabbing a granola bar from a vending machine, Meredith took a detour so she could pass by Jo's room. Alex's head rested against Jo's chest. Both were out cold.<p>

Jo had to be okay. She had to be.

She also checked on Zola, Blake, and Bailey. Both were fast asleep. Zola was clutching onto Meredith's phone like it was a doll.

When Meredith reached the floor of Amelia's room, she found Derek and Carolyn sitting in the floor's waiting room, both sipping coffee.

"What are you doing? Why aren't you with Amelia?" Meredith interrogated, staring her husband and mother-in-law down. Her tiredness had disappeared for the time being. Perhaps the granola bar had given her the energy she needed to push through, because now she felt wide awake.

"Addison and Owen are with her," Derek explained, patting the armrest of the chair next to him.

"Glad Owen finally wised up," Meredith smirked, deciding it was best not to divulge her involvement with that. She followed his signal and sat down beside him, the tension in her feet immediately releasing as her bottom hit the chair. Tiredness crashed into her again like an avalanche collapsing. The sudden burst of energy was short lived.

She just wished she and Derek weren't separated by two arm rests, so she could rest her feet on his lap and he could give her a foot massage. Her husband gave the best foot massages.

"There were too many people in the room," Carolyn Shepherd added.

Derek leaned over the armrests that separated him and Meredith, and he whispered thickly into her ear, "My mom doesn't like Addison."

Meredith's eyes widened. A small chuckle escaped her lips. "Oh," she mouthed.

"Hey now, Derek! I may be getting older, but my hearing is in topnotch condition! I heard that," Carolyn glared at her son.

Derek bit his lip, and his cheeks reddened. "Sorry, Ma, but it's not like I'm telling lies. You _don't _like Addison. You've made that more than clear over the years…"

"I have nothing against Addison," Carolyn insisted. She shrugged, "Well, now that she's not your wife, I don't. She wasn't right for you, sweetie." Mrs. Shepherd patted her son's leg. "Just to prove to you that I have nothing against Addison, I'm going to go back and see how everything's going…"

"You're doing that because you love Amelia, not Addison," Derek pointed out.

Carolyn sighed loudly. "I love my daughter," she said. "My former daughter-in-law, not so much, but I love my current daughter-in-law." Carolyn smiled warmly, winking at Meredith, and Meredith felt her own cheeks warming as she watched her mother-in-law disappear.

"Wow," Meredith mouthed. "She really does not like Addison, does she?"

Derek shook his head. "Nope. She begged me not to marry her, said she had a horrible feeling about the whole relationship and that Addison would ruin me… well, she was half right."

"Hmm?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"She was right that our relationship would go south, but she didn't ruin me," Derek admitted.

"She didn't?"

"If it hadn't been for Addison, I never would have fled to Seattle. It's because she cheated on me that I met you, Meredith, so really I should thank her for being a cheating whore and sleeping with my best friend," Derek chuckled, patting Meredith's knee.

Meredith giggled. "Well, that's an interesting way to look at it." She rested her head on Derek's shoulder, and her jaw stretched into a yawn.

"You look exhausted," Derek observed, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "It's…" Derek glanced at his watch. "Wow, it's almost six o'clock. We've been up all night. Hey, you know, it could be hours before Amelia has the baby… maybe we should go find the kids and lie down with them?"

Meredith yawned. "If we go find the kids, then they'll wake up and will be full of energy and we won't get any sleep at all."

"They should be up soon anyway," Derek frowned.

"Then they'll call us. I'd rather sleep here," Meredith murmured, allowing her eyes to droop shut.

"Sitting up?" Derek's voice was soft and low.

"Mhmmm," Meredith mumbled.

"Okay, then," Derek's voice lulled in her head.

They sat there in silence as Meredith drifted in and out of consciousness. Derek's shoulder made the perfect pillow. He rubbed his hand across her back, sending butterflies to her stomach.

She wanted to tell him so damn bad.

But she was too exhausted.

"Meredith," he whispered some time later; she had no idea how much time had passed. "Are you asleep?"

She managed out a "Mmmm?"

"I take that as a no," he whispered. "So, I've been thinking…"

She pretended to snore.

"Or maybe you are," Derek sighed. "I've just...I've been thinking about this whole having another baby thing. I know I've been pressuring you to have another baby, and I know you said earlier that you wanted one, too, but I've just been thinking...and well, I just...I was in there with Amelia earlier, and I remembered how much work goes into having a baby, for you - not for me. There's not much effort on my part...well, you know what I mean. And look at us now. We're barely standing on two feet with your fellowship, the children, and my job too. It helps with Mom here, I know, but she's going to have her hands full with Amy's baby, and she's not getting any younger, either. Maybe...I don't know, maybe it's better if we don't have more children. Bailey and Zola are perfect. Now that I think about it - _really _think about it - I don't want more babies. We've already made perfection. What if the next one isn't as perfect?"

She let out an even louder fake snore.

"I guess you're asleep and didn't hear any of that," he sighed.

But she had. She'd heard every word.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I can officially tell you that there are three chapters that follow this chapter. I've finished writing the story, and all I have left to do is edit. My game plan is to update on the next three Sundays, so you can expect updates on October 25, November 1, and November 8. If I get a high number of reviews, though, I'll be more inclined to update faster. I can't believe I'm finally closing out this story. It's bittersweet. :)**


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N: It's not quite Sunday here, but it's Sunday in over half of the world now. Thank you for the amazing reviews last chapter! I'm honored that after 60+ chapters and almost two years people are still interested in reading. Well, without further ado, here's the next chapter. If you're a Jolex fan, I think you'll like this chapter. I also promise that Meredith and Derek won't leave each other's sides for the remainder of the story. :)**

* * *

><p>The pillow that was her husband's shoulder was gone when Meredith was awakened by a familiar ringtone.<p>

It wasn't _her _phone, though. She recognized it immediately as her husband's.

Derek's phone rang, but where the hell was Derek?

She looked at the clock on the wall. It was seven o'clock. She didn't remember falling asleep, but apparently she'd slept for an hour.

_Maybe it'd be better if we don't have more children. _Had real Derek said that, was it Dream Derek? At this point, Meredith wasn't able to distinguish the difference.

When she looked at her husband's phone, she saw _her _face on the screen.

"Hello?" she blearily answered the call, blinking her eyes into focus.

"Hey, Mere. It's Derek. I'm with the kids...I just wanted to let you know I'm taking them to daycare, then I'll meet you in Amy's room. I just spoke to Addison, and Amelia is dilated to ten, so it'll be any minute now."

"T-That's great!" Meredith gasped.

"Oh, the kids wanted to say hi," Derek said, and Zola's voice shrilled through the speaker:

"Hi, Mama! Daddy says I gets to meet new cuzzy if I goed to daycare and be a _good _gool!" Zola's excited voice spilled into Meredith's ear.

"That's right, you have to be a good girl, Zozo," Meredith said, hearing both Blake and Bailey saying hi in the background. Bailey's babble sounded more like a _Bye-Bye _than a _Hi-Hi_, but Meredith didn't question it. "Hi, boys!"

"I'll let you go, Meredith. Hey, have you checked on Jo?" he asked, his voice lowering.

"I checked on her before I met you and your mom in the waiting room," Meredith answered. "She and Alex were both asleep, but her vitals were strong. We just have to wait for her to wake up before we'll know anything."

"I was planning to stop by her room before I came to Amy's," Derek said.

"Okay," Meredith murmured. "Love you."

"I love you, too," he said back.

Meredith's blood warmed.

Meredith wandered down the hall toward Amelia's room. Before she was halfway there, though, she heard Amelia's shrieks, and she found herself leaning her back against the wall, breathing deeply, vivid memories of the painful contractions she'd had when she was in labor with Bailey.

They weren't so bad, but she'd never been able to push. She'd wanted to push, but she'd needed a C-section because of her son's position.

She'd wanted to push so badly.

Listening to Amelia, now, though, maybe it wasn't the end of the world that she had to have a C-section. Even if, thanks to the idiot interns, she'd almost died on the table.

_Maybe it's better if we don't have more children._

Meredith swallowed. She didn't even know for sure if Derek had actually said the words, she'd been only half conscious after all, but the words stuck in her mind.

She had an unstable uterus. What if something went wrong? She could actually die in childbirth. She could die before childbirth from a placental abruption. According to her obstetrician, she had a high risk for having one. If Bailey hadn't come early, it was likely she would have had one, so it was a blessing and a curse that he'd come in the middle of that super storm.

So much could go wrong, and the thought of leaving Derek with their children alone was horrible. She couldn't do that to him.

She'd told him and Cristina that she didn't want to be a vegetable. She still didn't. And if she were brain dead, she would want them to let her go. She didn't want them to take extraordinary measures to save her life, but she didn't want Derek to be left to raise their children alone.

The kids needed both of their parents, and there were so many risk factors.

And what if something was wrong with the baby? The thought that she might be pregnant hadn't even crossed her mind since DC. Meredith drank alcohol, caffeinated coffee, and Derek had brought her sushi a week ago. She did throw up after eating the sushi. She'd thought it was just a bad batch of rolls, so she hadn't thought much of it at the time.

Meredith had found out she was pregnant with Bailey very early on, so she'd avoided every pregnancy hazardous food and drink from the moment she'd found out she was pregnant.

Still, there were women who didn't find out they were pregnant until well into their second or third trimester, and _they _had perfectly healthy babies. She'd seen the show _I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant _and had even had a couple scenarios over the years that she'd worked at Grey Sloan Memorial. Women would come in with abdominal pain, thinking they had a tumor or something, and it turned out they were pregnant! It didn't happen all the time, but it definitely happened.

Meredith couldn't be so lucky to have a perfectly healthy baby. With her luck, her baby would have fetal alcohol syndrome.

Meredith's head spun as she walked away from Amelia's screams. Her eyes watered as her hand hovered over her abdomen. "I'm so sorry," she murmured. "So, so sorry that I didn't pay attention to you." She sighed, making her way to the elevator. She pressed the floor number that Jo was on.

When she got to Jo's room, Derek was already in there, and Alex was now awake.

Alex wasn't the only one awake. Jo's bright brown irides were looking straight at Meredith.

"You're awake?!" Meredith grinned.

"She woke up just a minute ago," Derek said, flashing her his infamous McDreamy grin.

"That's great!" Meredith exclaimed, her eyes widening, and the look on her husband's face told her he knew what question was boggling her mind, but Jo answered it for her:

"Thank you, Dr. Grey," she said. "Thank you for everything. Without you, I wouldn't be talking now. You're my hero."

Meredith blushed. "I'm flattered, Jo, but…"

"No buts, Mer, enough of you underselling yourself," Alex grinned, standing up and wrapping his arm around her. "You are a brilliant surgeon and doctor, and it's time you realize that. Life's too short for you not to realize how amazing you are. Now, I know your mom fed you a bunch of crap about how you were nothing more than ordinary, but you've proved that time and time again that that's untrue."

Meredith's eyes welled. "Alex, I...I don't know what to say. I'm...I'm honored to hear you say that…"

"Yeah, well, just don't let it go to your head. It's not like you're the sun or anything. You're just one of the greats, but there are many greats, and you just happen to be one of them," Alex snickered.

"Oh, don't worry, it's not going to my head," Meredith winked. Alex let go of Meredith and moved back to Jo's bedside.

His eyes sparkled. "Can I...have a moment alone with Jo?"

"Of course," Derek smiled. "We'll need to take her back up for scans later this afternoon, just to make sure everything's really okay, but you can have her for now." Derek grabbed Meredith's shoulder and pushed her out of the room. They stood outside Jo's room for just a second longer and eavesdropped.

"Jo," they heard Alex say, "I don't want to lose you ever again."

"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere," Jo said.

"This whole thing...it's really opened my eyes. You think you have everything, but it can be gone in an instant. I know we talked about this...before...and you weren't ready, but I don't want to waste another minute…I haven't had time to buy anything fancy, yet, so I hope this'll do...I ran down to the cafeteria this morning. I know you can't eat it, yet, but I couldn't think of anything better to do this with…"

"Alex, what are you…is that a mini donut?"

"I'm not going to get down on one knee, seeing as you're in a hospital bed right now and I wouldn't be able to look into your eyes if I did. But, Jo Wilson, you are...pretty freaking amazing. You're my world, and you're so great with Blake. He deserves a mom, and I know the idea freaks you out, but I can't think of a better mom for him than you. I love you, Jo Wilson. Marry me, please? Otherwise I'm going to eat this whole box of mini donuts by myself…"

Silence.

"Well, you can't eat those donuts if I can't," Jo replied soberly. "Of course I'll marry you, you idiot! Now put that donut on my finger, because that's the closest I'll be able to get to one right now."

Meredith didn't realize her face was covered in tears until Derek wiped his hand across her face. "Mere, are you okay? I never pegged you as the type to get all sappy over a proposal," he said, concern overriding his face.

"I, uh…," she sighed, knowing it was time. She swallowed thickly. "Derek, I…"

The phone in her pocket blared at the same time as the phone in Derek's.

"Hello?" she and Derek answered in unison.

"Meredith, I thought I called Derek! My bad!" Mrs. Shepherd's voice shrieked through her ear.

"I have her phone, and she has mine," she heard Derek explaining to the person on the other end of her phone's line. "Oh, really? That's great news!"

"Amelia had the baby!" Mrs. Shepherd cried.

"That's awesome! What's his name?" Meredith asked, stepping away from Derek so she could hear Mrs. Shepherd clearer. She assumed that it was Owen or Addison or Amelia calling to announce the birth of the new Shepherd baby.

"I'll let her tell you when you meet him. Five pounds, six ounces. He has a head full of Shepherd hair, oh he's the cutest little thing you'll ever see...well, I mean, other than Bailey of course. What can I say, all of my children make beautiful babies."

"We'll be right there," Meredith said calmly, ending the call. She looked over to her husband. "Isn't this great?"

"I know, I can't wait to tell Alex," Derek grinned.

Meredith frowned. "Huh? Cristina said that the baby's murmur was gone when she checked the ultrasound last. I know they were going to check him when he was born, but…"

"That was the social worker on the phone," Derek said, raising an eyebrow, looking equally perplexed as she felt. "As soon as Alex can prove he has a stable home, the judge wants to grant him custody of Blake."

Meredith's jaw dropped, and her eyes widened. "That's amazing news!" she exclaimed.

"Wait, who called you?" Derek asked.

"It was your mother! Amelia had the baby. You have a new nephew," Meredith informed her husband.

"Well, this moment is filled with good news, isn't it? What's his name?!"

"Your mother wouldn't tell me; she said to let Amelia tell us when we met him," Meredith shrugged. "We should go meet him, shouldn't we?"

"We should, but I really hope she didn't name him after me. I mean, Bailey's first name is Derek, and that would be confusing…"

Meredith chuckled as they stepped onto the elevator. "I hope she didn't name him after you, either. I mean, for his sake…"

"If you hate my name so much, then why did you agree to give Bailey the first name Derek?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, let's just say, there's a reason I call him Bailey," Meredith shrugged.

"I thought it was so people didn't get confused," Derek frowned.

"If I didn't want people to get confused, then we wouldn't have named him after two living people," Meredith said, "and besides, no one gets confused. I sure as hell hope _you_ don't pee on me."

Derek snickered. "Well, I haven't, _yet_. Do you want me to?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"No!" she gasped. Then, she clarified, "Okay, I've always considered myself an adventurous person, Derek Shepherd, but I'm drawing the line there."

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Wait, wasn't it _your _idea to name him Derek Bailey in the first place?" he grimaced.

"Hey, I'd just come back from death for the fifty millionth time, _and _I was hormonal. I was in no condition to be naming our son," Meredith pointed out. "Oh well, if he hates it when he's older, he can always legally change it. I almost changed mine when I was eighteen."

"You did? To _what_?"

Meredith whistled. "Ellery."

"Ellery?! That sounds a lot like Ellis. I'm surprised you would want a name so close to your mother's."

"It does not sound like Ellis!" Meredith argued. "I just...I thought it was pretty. Prettier than _Meredith_, ugh."

"I like Meredith," Derek smirked. "If we have another daughter, I wouldn't be opposed to naming her Meredith…" _If we have another daughter. _Meredith's attention peaked. Maybe he didn't mean it. _Or he didn't really say it. _

"Well, I would be! Not happening," Meredith chuckled. She exhaled sharply. "Even though I honestly never thought I'd have kids of my own, I always wanted to name my daughter Ellery if I _were _to have one."

"You never told me that," Derek hummed.

"Well, Zola was already named when we adopted her, and it felt wrong to change her name," Meredith said. "Did you really mean it, Derek, when you said you didn't want more?"

Derek froze. Then a confused look morphed onto his face. "I never said that, did I?"

"Oh, God, I had the craziest dream, then," Meredith's eyes widened. "This morning, when I fell asleep on your shoulder, I had this dream that you said that you didn't want more kids because we were barely standing on two feet now, and that Bailey and Zola were enough and…"

"Well, Bailey and Zola _are _enough," Derek acknowledged, "but I'll always be open to more…if you are." His lips pressed against her ear, and his warm breath blew into her eardrum.

They stepped off the elevator, headed to meet their new nephew.

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><p><strong>AN: You'll finally get to meet the newest Shepherd relative next chapter. :)**


	65. Chapter 65

A tan, skinny, familiar-looking blonde stood outside the elevator. She was the woman who had come with Addison yesterday and was also the wife of the other man Amelia had once claimed could be the father of her baby.

"Charlotte?" Meredith greeted the woman.

"Meredith?" she said; her southern accent rattled when she spoke. "And Derek. Can't forget y'all."

She winked at Derek. Meredith raised her brows but bit her tongue, trying not to read too into it. Derek was unforgettable, after all.

"I'm assuming Addison called you," Derek said.

Charlotte nodded. "She did. She told me to meet her and Amelia here, and something about I wasn't going to believe what I saw, though Addison wouldn't tell me _what_, just that it had something to do with why y'all dragged her out of bed in the wee hours of the morning."

Meredith shared a look with her husband and swallowed thickly.

"Why don't we head this way!" Derek grinned anxiously. His face absolutely did not wear any signs of sleep deprivation. His blue eyes sparkled, and he looked as dreamy as ever. Meredith wanted to know what the hell his secret was, because she was certain she looked like she was about to drop dead any minute. Not that she had any intentions of looking in a mirror to see for herself. Of course, there wasn't a possibility that Derek was carrying around another life in his body right now.

When they arrived at Amelia's room, Amelia was propped up in bed, looking exhausted. In her arms she held her son, who was wrapped in a blue-striped cloth. Owen was on one side of her, and Addison was on the other. Carolyn sat on the couch with her arms folded in her lap.

"Charlotte," Amelia whispered softly. Her bright blue eyes glistened.

"What the…" Charlotte blurted instantly. "Is he...Did you...Oh. My. God." Charlotte stared, utterly stunned, at Amelia.

Tears filled in Amelia's eyes. "I did," she whispered. "He's mine. Mine and James's, but…" She looked up at Owen. Both of their pairs of eyes sparkled.

Addison appeared out of nowhere. "She didn't tell us because she was afraid we'd make her move back to LA, and she wants to stay here," Addison told Charlotte.

"I'm going to help raise him," Owen declared.

"And who the _hell _are you?" Charlotte demanded sharply.

"I'm Owen. Owen Hunt. Well, Chief Owen Hunt to be exact. I'm the Chief of Surgery here at Grey Sloan Memorial," Owen answered, stuttering as he spoke, almost as if he was intimidated by blonde woman. Meredith wasn't sure she'd ever seen Owen look _this _intimidated by a woman, except maybe Cristina, who easily intimidated every man and woman.

"You're screwing the Chief of Surgery? Can't say I'm surprised," Charlotte rolled her eyes. Her eyes melted when she eyed the baby, though. "Well, there's no question about who that baby's father is," she laughed then. "He looks just like James."

"What's his name?" A spark ignited within Derek's eyes. The last time Meredith had seen him look this excited was when Bailey was born. "What's my nephew's name?" he cooed, moving closer to the baby, grinning as he stroked the baby's head. The baby kept his eyes closed, but Meredith had no doubt that Derek would quickly become one of the boy's favorite people in the world. Derek was the world's favorite baby whisperer, after all.

The baby had a full head of Shepherd dark hair. Meredith was unable to see his eye color since his eyes close, but she suspected that he had blue eyes like his uncle and mother and cousin Bailey. It had been months since Meredith met James, but, if memory served her right, he, too, had blue eyes.

Amelia was glowing. "Everyone," she said. Her breaths hitched. "Meet Jamie. Jamie Peterson."

Meredith's lips pursed as she witnessed her husband's vibrant smile.

"Hunt," Owen blurted out, and Amelia's eyes widened. "Jamie Peterson Hunt. I mean, if that's okay with you, Amelia. If you want me to be his father, then I will be." Owen's cheeks were reddening. "The boy deserves a father, and…"

Liquid welled in Amelia's eyes. "I...yes! If I didn't have a baby in my arms right now and wasn't confined to this bed, then I would hug you right now… but…"

Owen bent over the bed's rail. He kissed Amelia's pale lips. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's all going to be okay."

"Thank you," she whispered, blinking away her tears. "I don't deserve you, but...thank you."

Tears had started to build in Meredith's eyes, and Derek looked like he was also about to burst into tears.

Derek sighed, and a smile spread across his lips."Well, you can't raise my nephew in that trailer of yours," he said.

Amelia and Owen's faces froze. Owen took a deep breath and started to say, "Derek, I…"

"You should build a house on the land," Derek interrupted sharply. "You're already living on the land, so you might as well have something nicer than a trailer. Build _your _dreamhouse, Owen," Derek offered. Big smiles spread across Owen's and Amelia's faces.

"I have no idea how to thank you," Owen's jaw dropped. "But...thank you, thank you for everything."

"You can thank me by taking care of my baby sister and nephew," Derek winked, giving Owen a pat on the back.

Jamie's tiny eyes opened just slightly, and Meredith got to catch a glimpse at his, as she suspected, bright blue eyes. His eyes reminded her so much of Bailey's when he was born.

Jamie was definitely a Shepherd descendant.

Charlotte exhaled sharply all of a sudden, and she scowled. Her eyes darted at Addison, and then at Amelia. "Well, y'all are just meltin' my tiny Southern belle heart, but you can't be serious, right? And, Addison, surely you're going to help me knock some sense into this girl, right?"

Addison frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's all a bit cuckoo, don't you think? You can't tell me you're okay with this. She just up and left James in the middle of the night, fled here to Seattle, started a new life with this Chief of Surgery guy, and then James got killed in a car crash chasing after her? No, not crazy, huh?"

"Wait a second there," Owen's voice raised. "Amelia and I...we didn't...we didn't get together until after James passed away."

"Of course you didn't," Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, you're _that _guy, you know, the one who's got pregnant women fetishes!"

"Charlotte!" Addison gasped. Amelia's eyes welled with tears, and Jamie began whimpering. Amelia passed her son to her mother, who had just walked over to her daughter's bedside. Carolyn rocked the child soothingly in her arms, and he immediately stopped fussing.

"I'm going to take him down to the nursery if that's all right," Carolyn whispered, laying Jamie in his bed, and she rolled him out of the room after no objections.

Amelia heaved, glaring at Charlotte. "You have _no _room to judge me," she stated simply. "Zero. None," she emphasized hastily.

"I'm not judgin' you, I'm just strugglin' to understand here. Why'd you leave James? Y'all should have seen him after y'all left. He was a god-forsaking mess. He thought you'd met someone else on the internet and had gone to be with him.. I told him he was out of his mind, but maybe he wasn't after all," Charlotte said, shooting a nasty look at Owen.

"We did _not _meet on the internet," Owen said adamantly, his cheeks turning beet red. "Like I said…"

"Oh, I have perfect hearing. I heard what ya said, but it don't mean I believe it," Charlotte scowled.

"Charlotte, maybe we should go," Addison said, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"No, Addison," Charlotte quipped. "We're not, not until I get to the bottom of this."

Amelia inhaled a deep breath and swallowed thickly.

"Don't you think I've felt guilty _every single day _since I left James, and I'll carry that guilt for the rest of my life. When I look at Jamie, I'm going to see his father forever and ever, and he's a flesh and blood reminder of the decision I made that led to a horrible thing. But at the same time, no, I don't regret it. How could I know that James was going to follow me to Seattle and get in a deadly crash? I wasn't driving the school bus that crashed into his cab, after all. That's not my fault. It was the right thing to do. I couldn't...I couldn't be with James for the rest of my life. I knew when we started dating that we would never work out in the end, but I stayed with him for all that time because he made me feel special, and he reminded me of my brother and my father with his dark hair and blue eyes. Then, one day, I woke up, and I realized that it wasn't James I needed or even wanted. James was all wrong for me, and he would never be the right person. It was _my family _that I needed. My blood. I need to be with my family, because blood ties are stronger than anything else in this world. I have _nothing _to apologize for, and I'm sorry if you don't understand me. Sometimes _I _don't understand me. I'm who I am, and there's no changing me. What's done is done. I _can't _go back."

Amelia was heaving, and Charlotte's and Addison's eyes were both filled with wetness. Silence filled the air, and then, Charlotte whispered, "Oh, God. I...Amelia...I'm sorry." She and Addison both walked over to Amelia's bed and one by one, they hugged her separately.

"Jamie is beautiful," Addison said sincerely.

"You did good work," Charlotte smiled proudly at her friend. "And if you ever need anything…"

"Thanks, but...I have everything I need here," Amelia smiled, aiming her gaze at Derek and Meredith, then she turned to Owen. "But," she added, her eyes darting back toward Addison and Charlotte. "I do want you to be part of my life and Jamie's. I … I would be honored if you would be his godmothers."

Charlotte and Addison shared a wide-eyed look. "Both of us?"

"You've both had a huge impact on my life, and James would want you both to be his godmothers, so would you? Both of you?"

"Yes," Charlotte and Addison spoke in unison. "Of course."

Meredith looked up at the clock. A wave of vertigo whipped through her insides. She bolted.

The brim of the toilet down the hall became Meredith's new best friend five seconds later.

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><p><strong>AN: So, here we are. The second-to-last chapter. Ever. Now, I've considered writing an epilogue, but after writing the conclusion that you'll read next chapter, I don't feel that an epilogue is necessary. Sure, it would be great to follow up and see where things go, but at the same time, sometimes it's best to leave things for the imagination. :) I will happily answer any questions people have via Twitter or PM, though. **

**Final chapter will be posted Sunday, Nov. 1, at midnight Central Time. Because I'm posting early, and most of America is getting an extra hour of sleep this weekend (If your state observes DST, make sure to change your clocks back this weekend!), I _really _hope you all will take a moment to review.**

**Thank you for reading!**


	66. Chapter 66

**Final notes: Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and followed this story! I know I'm not great at responding to all feedback, but without your support, I never would have been able to complete this story. I absolutely promise to reply to everyone who reviews this final chapter, because those of you who've stuck around to the end are the best. :)**

**Many of you have asked if I'll be writing another story when I finish this. My first mission is to finish _Survivor_, and I'm still co-writing the _Storm _trilogy with CileSuns92. If you haven't checked it out yet, you can find it on her profile. I have a couple other unpublished works in progress, but my writing process has changed since I started this story. I had originally wanted to write this story in full when I started it, but it was canon at the time, so I went ahead and started posting. I don't want to leave another published story unfinished, so I intend to only publish already complete stories in the future. I don't think the canon issue will ever come up again. It's hard to believe that I initially began writing this story in November 2013, even though I didn't post it until January. The idea came from a dream I had while I was binge watching Private Practice for the first time. **

**Now, this isn't the original ending. Like I've said, my writing process has changed a lot in the last two years, and trust me, you'll be very happy that I discarded the original ending. If you want to know, feel free to private message me on here or you can tweet me on Twitter at paisleymwrites. You can also follow me there for announcements about future stories. I used to be a hardcore Grey's fangirl, but I'm pretty removed from the fandom now. **

**Without further commentary, I hope you enjoy this final chapter. Many of you have requested a sequel, and I can say with confidence that there will be no sequel, but I may one day write an epilogue. I don't want to make any promises because I can't commit to it right now.**

* * *

><p>Droplets of splashed water dribbled down her cheeks, falling from her face to the bathroom floor tiles.<p>

Meredith swallowed the nasty vomit aftertaste in her mouth, tilting her head under the sink to swallow water in hopes of washing away the gross taste filling her mouth.

She dreaded the confrontation that she knew was coming. Normal people didn't just throw up when they're visiting newborn babies. Well, except for squeamish new dads, but Jamie had already been cleaned up by the time she'd seen him. And she was a surgeon, for Christ's sake.

_Nothing_ made her squeamish.

Meredith inhaled sharply, staring with reluctance at the face staring back at her. The face was almost a stranger. It had dark circles formed under its eyelids, and wrinkles in the creases of its eyes. The skin was pale. The dark blonde hair looked like it hadn't been combed in days.

She looked and felt like Grim Reaper was going to appear out of thin air any moment

Meredith inhaled a sharp breath, and then turned around, bracing herself for the inevitable as she extended her arm for the doorknob. Her heart hammered in her chest as she slid through the door, coming face to face with exactly who she had anticipated.

"Derek," she breathed through her nose.

Also, as she expected, his face was riddled with concern. Her stomach twisted and turned. She hated when Derek's concerned look came out. She loved him deeply, and she was glad he cared about her, but all the same, she hated it. He had enough on his place. He didn't need to worry about her, too.

His hand faltered to her shoulder. "Meredith, is everything all right? You looked like you were about to throw up… You're not upset because Amelia didn't ask you to be Jamie's godmother, are you?"

"Of course not," Meredith exhaled. She really wasn't upset. It made perfect sense that Amelia had chosen Addison and Charlotte; she'd known them way longer, after all. She lifted her head reluctantly, meeting his eyes. "Why should she choose me? She barely knows me."

"Okay," Derek said, studying her carefully. "What's wrong, then?"

"Nothing, I'm fine, " she seethed.

Derek grimaced. "You are not fine, Meredith," he uttered sternly. "You are absolutely _not _fine. Look, we were both up all last night, and you've been working a lot more than I have. You really should go lie down…"

"I was going to," she hissed, gritting her teeth. "Derek, don't for a second think that I don't take care of myself."

His hand lowered from her shoulder. "Meredith, I… I would never think…"

"Okay, so I'm going to lie down in an on-call room now," Meredith said definitively, and she waltzed off.

* * *

><p>Meredith was sure she was asleep before her head hit the pillow, and she had no idea how long she was asleep before a rustling above her brought her back to consciousness.<p>

Her body jolted, bringing her out of the dream she was having. Though, _nightmare _might be a more appropriate word. It was Jamie's seventh birthday, and Bailey and Jamie were playing outside, when, out of the blue, Bailey was gone. She was standing on the porch holding a little girl with curly brown hair and the brightest blue eyes, screaming Bailey's name, when the noise from above had awakened her.

"Who's up there?" she demanded in a low, hoarse voice. Apparently she'd not only lost Bailey in her dream; she'd lost her voice as well. Chills ran up and down her spine. Sure, she was used to waking up in on-call rooms, and she was even used to someone being asleep in the bunk bed above or below her who wasn't there when she fell asleep. Still, a tiny piece of her always wondered if it was a rapist or murderer, waiting for her to wake up so they could torture her to death. It was in her dark and twisty nature.

A brief relief swept over her when she heard the familiar male voice, "It's me."

"Oh," she exhaled sharply. "Wait, why are you up there? I mean, you usually crawl into bed with me…" Did she look so horrible that she was now unattractive to Derek?

"You looked peaceful. I didn't want to risk waking you, knowing how little sleep you've gotten lately," Derek replied. She looked up to see him looking down.

"Oh," she said. "Well, apparently your plan failed anyway."

"True," he admitted, and she saw his legs dangling over the bed. "In that case…" He slid off the top bunk so his ass was in his face. She wasn't complaining. Then he turned around and grinned, though she could see the tiredness surrounding his own eyes. He then crawled over her, and they shuffled their bodies under the covers, morphing their bodies together to make room for the two of them.

Derek stretched his arms over her body, folding his hands into hers. The warmth from his hands radiated up her spine.

"Hey," she whispered, cocking her head back.

"Hey there," he whispered back, kissing her greasy hair, then running his fingers through its strands. "Are you feeling better?"

"Mmm," she hummed. "I think so." She wasn't nauseous, and, for once, she felt completely relaxed. She had a feeling that lying here with Derek like this, even if it was in a small on-call room bed with a stiff mattress instead of their big comfy bed at home, had something to do with it. She wouldn't change this moment for the world.

"So," he said softly. "I told Alex about Blake."

"That's great."

"And…" Derek swallowed.

"And what?"

"I told him about my offer, about lending him the money he needed to find a place to live," Derek confided.

"What'd he say about that?" Meredith hummed, already theorizing that she knew the answer to her question.

"Well, he said no," Derek laughed. "But then I told him that he needed to set his pride aside for a second and think about what was best for his son…"

"And?"

"He agreed to it," Derek laughed. "But he wouldn't agree to building a house on our land."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "You offered to let him build a house on our land?"

Derek chuckled. "Yeah, I thought 'why not?' We have _so _much space, and it does get lonely out there. I actually asked my mom if she wanted to build a home out there, but she was pretty adamant about saying no."

"You didn't tell me that you asked your mom that…"

"Well, no, because I knew she'd say no. My mom's a city girl, always has been, and she told me she wants to be closer to the hospital in case of emergencies… for our benefit, not hers, she assured me, but she isn't getting any younger, and that's a hard fact I have to face…"

Meredith frowned. "Well, it is helpful when we get stuck here late…"

Derek nodded. "That is what she meant. Or so she said."

Meredith's heart fell into her stomach as she suddenly remembered her dream. "That reminds me… where are the kids?! Are they still in daycare. Oh, my God. What time is it…?"

Derek lowered his hands down her arm. "Shhh, they're fine. It's four o'clock. My mom took them to her house. Amelia and Jamie are asleep. Owen went to see a contractor to see how fast he can get a house built."

Meredith snickered. "Well, it took us, what, four years?"

"That's how long it took me to get you on board to build the house," Derek pointed out. "It didn't take us that long after we actually broke ground… breaking ground was what took the longest."

"And I suppose that's my fault, hmm?" Meredith sighed. "It sure feels like forever ago when you first showed me those plans…"

"I remember it clear as day," Derek replied. "You were _attempting _to make breakfast, and the minute I told you, you dropped an egg. That's how I knew it wasn't going to be happening any time soon…"

"Derek," Meredith sighed, her eyes already starting to burn from the liquid welling inside them. She swallowed thickly as she squeezed Derek's hand. "I...I don't want to go down that road right now… wait a minute."

"What?"

"Your mom has the kids, right? I don't have any surgeries scheduled. Do you? How's Jo doing?"

"She's doing great. Vitals are strong. I have a resident - not Edwards, don't worry - looking after her. I think she's going to pull through just fine."

"That's great to hear," Meredith smiled, sitting up.

"Where are you going? I thought you liked lying here with me… I thought we could lie here a little longer," Derek pulled on her shoulder.

Meredith laughed, her eyes widening. "I was just thinking. . . your mom has the kids, we don't have any surgeries scheduled… why are we here? I mean, when was the last time we went home to our _empty _house without screaming kids in the backseat?"

Derek stroked his own chin. "Hmm..I like your thinking, Dr. Grey."

"Mmmm, I like my thinking, too," Meredith hummed. She leaned forward and pecked his lips.

* * *

><p>"You know," Meredith sighed as Derek drove toward their dreamhouse in the words. Carolyn had taken the car seats from their backseat, so there were no remnants of children in the car aside from Zola's stuffed giraffe in between the seats. "I think it's crazy that Amelia originally wanted <em>us <em>to raise her baby, and then she ended up naming Charlotte and Addison as the godmothers." She rolled her eyes, slouching in her chair. Okay, maybe she was a little bothered by the fact that Amelia hadn't named her and Derek the godparents.

"Oh, she still wants us to raise him if something happens to her and Owen," Derek said. "She told me she was going to put that in her will."

"And you agreed to do that without talking to me first?"

"Well, no. I told her I had to talk to you first, of course," Derek said.

"But I thought the godparents raised the kid if something happened to the parents?"

"Amelia just wants Charlotte and Addison to be Jamie's family. She wants us to raise him, unless of course something happens to us, then she'd rather Charlotte and Addison raise him than my other sisters…"

"But what about the whole speech about blood ties and blah blah blah?" Meredith said.

"She acknowledges that they're blood, but that doesn't mean she wants them raising her child. Blood ties aren't everything," Derek said. "But are you okay with it? Raising Jamie if something happens to Amelia?"

Silence erupted, and then Meredith rolled her eyes. "Why does everyone want us to raise their kids? It's not like we're the definition of perfect parents or anything." She saw Derek smirking and sighed, "But I guess if that's what Amelia wants, then that's fine with me. I'll probably regret saying this later, should something actually happen to her, though, so let's hope nothing does. You are to protect your sister at all costs, Derek Christopher Shepherd."

Derek laughed. "He's really beautiful," he said of Jamie.

"He looks just like his uncle," Meredith teased.

"You know, Zola said he looks like me, too," Derek chuckled.

"You took the kids to see him?"

"They saw him through the window," Derek explained. "He was sleeping."

"So Zola didn't get to see his eyes. His eyes are replicas of yours," Meredith laughed. "Though Amelia's are replicas of yours, too, so I can't say I'm surprised."

Derek's cheeks flushed bright red. Meredith would be lying if she didn't acknowledge how cute her husband looked when he blushed.

"Well, he didn't get his hair from me," Derek said. Meredith lifted a brow.

"All the Shepherds have thick dark hair," Meredith noted.

"Not when we were babies. I know Mom has shown you my baby pictures…"

Her eyes widened as the realization dawned her. When Carolyn moved to Seattle, she had helped her unpack. Meredith wasn't sure if it was intentional, but Carolyn had asked her to unpack the box that happened to house all of Derek's and his sister's baby pictures. They had spent the whole afternoon going through the photos, giggling and sharing stories. Derek had been at the hospital and had come over later to find the women sprawled out on the floor in a pile of pictures. As Amelia had predicted, his cheeks had immediately turned rosy.

So much had changed in the last year.

Derek had the opportunity to work for the President of the United States. After numerous trips back and forth between Seattle and DC, he had resigned. Meredith was grateful to have him home, with her and the kids, though part of her would always wonder if he'd made the right decision to give up on such a big opportunity, though she believed him when he said that his family was more important to him than any job. She had seen the scans to prove it, as bizarre as it was. The whole concept of there being a machine that was able to tell you when you were happy and when you were sad was incredible, although the concept was crazy and maybe a little scary.

It was able to convince her to accept her true passion. Now she had shifted gears and changed careers, once and for all. She was on her way to becoming Seattle's next world renowned neurosurgeon alongside her husband, and now that Amelia would be sticking around for sure, she would have her sister-in-law to work with too.

Maybe they should open their own practice.

_Shepherd-Grey Brain Wellness? _

She loved her husband to death, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to work with him all the time, every day.

Well, they would have their individual patients, and then they would be able to discuss their cases. Amelia had worked with Addison's private practice in Los Angeles, and she'd mentioned it was a different life.

Derek and Amelia fought enough as is. Could they really handle sharing a practice together?

They would have to partner with the hospital, of course, because they would have to do all of their surgeries there, and she and Derek were still partial owners of the hospital.

Meredith wasn't sure exactly how it work, and she was sure there were several logistics that would need to be discussed and thought out.

Right now, she had bigger matters on her hands.

Meredith found herself chuckling. "You know, maybe there's hope for Bailey still, then."

"My hair darkened when I was about two years old," Derek said. "But Bailey's hair is much thinner than mine when I was a baby, at least according to my mother. He has your hair, Mere."

Meredith groaned. "Poor kid. You know, when we were first married and first started talking about having babies and I was starting to want babies too, there was _one _thing I wanted for our kids more than anything else."

"Hmm?" Derek hummed.

"For them to have your hair! Not my wiry thin, split-end mess. Your hair is so soft and curly and beautiful," Meredith pouted, running her fingers through his curly mess. At least his hair was still attractive when it was a mess. Hers was just greasy and knotted.

Derek sighed. "Why would you want them to have _my _hair? It's impossible to get right, and in the summer it's a fuzzy, static mess if I don't cut it short. You don't want to curse our children with my hair, Mere, trust me."

"That's only because you're a perfectionist. It always looks good to me," Meredith winked.

"Yours always looks good to me, too," he said, and now she was certain that she was the one blushing, though she _knew _that her hair rarely ever looked good, but she wasn't going to argue anymore. She and Derek could argue over who had the worst hair gene all day, and it would never go anywhere.

In her dream, there had been a little girl. A little girl with dark, curly hair and bright blue eyes. Bailey had been cursed with her hair. Maybe there was a chance their next child would inherit her father's hair.

_Her_.

Meredith sighed. She was already giving the baby a gender, and she hadn't even taken a pregnancy test. She'd convinced herself she was pregnant, and that was that.

_But what if she wasn't? _What if it was in her head because Cristina had convinced her that she was?

She didn't want to be disappointed.

But she knew she needed to tell Derek.

He had just pulled into the driveway, and she breathed in a deep, shuddering breath. The scent of lavender brushed against her nose. Derek's car air freshener was lavender scented.

"Derek, there's something I need to tell you," she said, suddenly sidetracked by the flock of crows sitting on their garage roof. Urban legends described crows as a symbol of death, but Meredith had recently begun to see the crow in a different light.

Crows were mysterious, magical creatures. They signified suspense. Meanwhile, they lived and breathed all year round, like humans, but only somehow they managed to only appear on certain days, randomly scattered throughout the year, and they always came in flocks.

What if it wasn't random?

Crows liked to be up high, so they could watch everything that was going on down below. Perhaps they were always just waiting for the right moment to swoop down and make their presence known.

Derek interrupted her thoughts with his hum, "Hmm…?"

"I need a shower," she blurted.

"I could use a shower, too," he nodded.

* * *

><p>They undressed separately in the bathroom. She kept her back turned to Derek, her eyes glued down to her abdomen, unconsciously studying the skin on her belly for signs of growth.<p>

Then he came up from behind her, wrapping his arms around her, his fingers landing where her hands rested. He kissed the side of her neck. "When was the last time?" he murmured in her ear.

"The last time what?" she asked, frowning as a chill swept up her spine.

"The last time we were alone in the house with no children," he chuckled.

Her eyes wandered to the medicine cabinet. She knew there was a box of pregnancy tests inside. They were the tests she'd taken from the clinic when they were trying to get pregnant, before they had adopted Zola and before Bailey was conceived. She'd used two after she'd found out she was pregnant with Bailey at a routine physical, just to make sure. That, and to see the "+" sign for herself. She'd waited for so long to see that "+".

"Derek, I…" she swallowed. He'd turned around to turn on the shower. She knew that pregnancy tests were most accurate first thing in the morning, so she could wait until morning. Then again, she hadn't peed since she'd woken up. With the shower water running, she now felt like her bladder would burst at any moment.

She lunged for the cabinet.

"Meredith, what are you doing?"

She rummaged through the cabinet until she spotted the box she was looking for. It was in the far back corner. She turned around with the box in hand, not thinking about what she was doing, or the fact that Derek, who was standing completely naked in front of her, was staring at her also-naked body. They had been married long enough that it didn't faze either of them. She removed a test from the box. Derek didn't utter one word as she ran over to the toilet and peed on the stick right in front of him. She wasn't one to typically pee in front of others, since she valued her alone time on the toilet. It was the one time in the day she got to herself. The least anyone could do was let her pee in private. But this was different.

Derek turned away from her and turned off the shower water.

She sighed in relief when she finished and stared at the pregnancy test. Now all she had to do was wait.

"You didn't say anything," he finally whispered when she stood up. She was still holding the pregnancy test in her hand.

"I know. I wanted to, I'm sorry. I…" She stumbled to find the words.

"Is this why you said yesterday that you were ready to start trying? You thought you were already pregnant?" he asked.

She nodded.

"And that's why you've been acting so strange…"

"I haven't been acting strange," she argued.

"You stormed out of the room yesterday and today," he noted. He had a knowing look on his face.

"I'm sorry, I…"

"It's okay," he said. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and she leaned her ear against his nipple. She felt his heart beating erratically against her eardrum. His hand lowered to her bellybutton, and he flattened his hand on her stomach. "I didn't want to say anything," he admitted. "But you have been glowing lately, too. My mom asked me earlier today if you were pregnant…"

"She did what?!" Meredith gasped. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her that was a rude question to ask," Derek laughed. "My mom's like the rest of us. She really has no filter, but at least it's not you she asked…"

"No, she'd rather ask behind my back," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"She didn't mean it offensively, but the woman has a pregnancy radar. She's had five babies, so she knows a thing or two about pregnancy," Derek said as he rubbed her back. She hadn't been aware of the aches until she felt the relief that expelled from Derek's touch. She exhaled slowly, staring anxiously at the pregnancy test, even if she already knew the result.

Seconds turned into minutes as the "+" sign slowly faded in.

Her eyes filled with tears as her hands, which were already shaking, released the pregnancy test from her grip and it fell to the ground. Her face fell into Derek's hairy chest.

Their naked bodies collided together. His hips rocked against her as his lips brushed her hair, moving down her body.

They finally danced into the shower together to wash the away the grime and celebrate at last.

* * *

><p>Clothes were not part of the event following their warm, sexy shower. Their towels lay sprawled on the bedroom floor as their bodies tumbled onto the silk sheets, their limbs tangling as their moist, warm skin fused together. His hands were all over her, and his touch softened whenever his fingers came near her abdomen. Derek Shepherd kissed every inch of her skin until his tongue arrived at her lower lips.<p>

Her muscles tensed up. When the tension released, she moaned out in sensational pleasure. Meredith's world faded into seamless oblivion.

Their celebration ended when Derek fell beside her, his hand found hers, and their veins crossed in harmony. The blood pumping through their bodies had formed one entity once again. Meredith sighed, savoring the bliss. A piece of Derek Christopher Shepherd was growing inside her. Together, they had created the miracle of life. Again.

Meredith Grey didn't choose her family. Her family had chosen her, and she now was stuck with them for the rest of her waking days. Each and every last one of them. She wasn't a family person, then the Shepherds came along and redefined the word _family_.

_Blood ties posterity for lifetimes to come._


End file.
